The business of my abortion12, not to mince13 words, was good training for my new role. The concierge14 at my hotel looked at me with the world-weary eyes of all concierges15 and said that the hotel doctor was on holiday but that there was another who was equally proficient16. (Did he know? Did he guess?) Dr. Sьsskind examined me and asked if I had enough money. When I said I had, he seemed disappointed. The gynecologist was more explicit18. It seemed that he had a chalet. Hotels in Zьrich were so expensive. Would I not care to have a period of rest before the operation? I looked at him with stony19 eyes and said that the British Consul20, who was my uncle, had invited me to recuperate21 with his family and I would be glad if I could enter the clinic without any delay. It was he who had recommended Dr. Sьsskind. No doubt Herr Doktor Braunschweig knew the Consul?
My hocus-pocus was just good enough. It had been delivered with my new decisive manner, and the gambit had been thought out beforehand. The bifocals registered shock. There were coolly fervent22 explanations and a hasty telephone call to the clinic. Yes, indeed. Tomorrow afternoon. Just with my overnight things.
It was as mentally distressing23 but as physically24 painless as I had expected, and three days later I was back in my hotel. My mind was made up. I flew back to England, stayed at the new circular Ariel Hotel near London Airport until I had got rid of my few small belongings25 and paid my bills, and then I made an appointment with the nearest Vespa dealer26, in Hammersmith, and went to see him.
My plan was to go off on my own, for at least a year, and see the other half of the world. I had had London. Life there had hit me with a hard left and right, and I was groggy27 on my feet. I decided that I just didn't belong to the place. I didn't understand Derek's sophisticated world, and I didn't know how to manage the clinical, cold-eyed, modern "love" that Kurt had offered me. I told myself that it was because I had too much "heart." Neither of these men had wanted my heart; they had just wanted my body. The fact that I fell back on this age-old moan of the discarded woman to explain my failure to hold either of these men, was, I later decided, a more important clue to my failure than this business of "heart." The truth of the matter was that I was just too simple to survive in the big-town jungle. I was easy prey28 for the predators29. I was altogether too "Canadian" to compete with Europe. So be it! I was simple, so I would go back to the simple lands. But not to sit and mope and vegetate30. I would go there to explore, to adventure. I would follow the fall right down through America, working my way as waitress, baby-sitter, receptionist, until I got to Florida, and there I would get a job on a newspaper and sit in the sunshine until the spring. And then I would think again.
Once I had made up my mind, the details of my plan absorbed me, driving out my misery31, or at least keeping it at bay, and anesthetizing my sense of sin and shame and failure. I went to the American Automobile32 Association in Pall33 Mall, joined it and got the maps I needed, and talked to them about transport. The prices of secondhand cars in America were too high, as were the running costs, and I suddenly fell in love with the idea of a motor scooter. At first it seemed ridiculous, the idea of taking on the great transcontinental highways with such a tiny machine, but the thought of being out in the open air, doing around a hundred miles to the gallon, not having to worry about garages, traveling light and, let's admit it, being something of a sensation wherever I went, made up my mind, and the Hammersmith dealer did the rest.
I knew something about machinery-every North American child is brought up with motor cars-and I weighed up the attractions of the little 125-c.c. model and of the sturdier, faster 150-c.c. Gran Sport. Of course, I plumped for the sporty one with its marvelous acceleration35 and a top speed of nearly sixty. It would only do around eighty miles to the gallon, compared with the smaller one's hundred, but I told myself that gas was cheap in America and that I must have the speed or I would take months to get south. The dealer was enthusiastic. He pointed17 out that in bad weather, or if I got tired, I could just put the thing on a train for a stretch. He could get about thirty pounds' purchase tax off the price of one hundred and ninety pounds by delivering it to a ship that would get it over to Canada in ten days. That would give me extra money to spend on spares and deluxe36 accessories. I didn't need any pressuring. We did one or two runs up and down the bypass, with the dealer sitting on the back, and the Vespa went like a bird and was as easy to drive as a bicycle. So I signed up for it, bought a leopard-skin cover for the seat and spare wheel, racy-looking deluxe wheel-trims, a rear mirror, a luggage rack, white saddlebags that went beautifully with the silver finish of the body, a Perspex sports windscreen, and a white crash helmet that made me feel like Pat Moss37. The dealer gave me some good ideas about clothes, and I went to a store and bought white overalls38 with plenty of zips, some big goggles39 with soft fur round the edges, and a rather dashing pair of lined black kid motorcycling gloves. After this I sat down in my hotel with the maps and planned my route for the first stage down from Quebec. Then I booked myself on the cheapest Trans-Canada flight to Montreal, cabled Aunt Florence, and, on a beautiful first-of-September morning, I was off.
It was strange and lovely to be back after nearly six years. My aunt said she could hardly recognize me, and I was certainly surprised by Quebec. When I had left it, the fortress40 had seemed vast and majestic41. Now it seemed like a large toy edifice42 out of Disneyland. Where it had been awesome43, I found, irreverently, that it looked made out of papier-mвchй. And the giant battles between the faiths, in which I had once thought myself to be on the point of being crushed, and the deep schisms44 between the Canadiennes and the rest, were now reduced, with my new perspective, to parish-pump squabbling. Half ashamed, I found myself contemptuous of the screaming provincialism of the town, of the dowdy45 peasants who lived in it, and of the all-pervading fog of snobbery46 and petit bourgeoisie. No wonder, a child of all this, that I had been ill equipped for the great world outside! The marvel34 was that I had survived at all.
I was careful to keep these thoughts from my aunt, though 1 suspect that she was just as startled and perhaps shocked by the gloss that my "finishing" in Europe had achieved. She must have found me very much the town mouse, however gangling47 and simple I might feel inside, and she plied48 me with questions to discover how the gloss went, how much I had been sullied by the fast life I must have led. She would have fainted at the truth, and I was careful to say that, while there had been flirtations, I had returned unharmed and heart-whole from the scarlet49 cities across the water. No, there had not even been a temporary engagement. No lord, not even a commoner, I could truthfully say, had proposed to me, and I had left no boy-friend behind. I don't think she believed this. She was complimentary50 about my looks. I had become "une belle51 fille." It seemed that I had developed "beaucoup de tempйrament"-a French euphemism52 for "sex appeal"-or at any rate the appearance of it, and it seemed incredible to her that at twenty-three there was no man in my life. She was horrified53 at my plans and painted a doomful picture of the dangers that awaited me on the road. America was full of gangsters54. I would be knocked down on the highway and "ravagйe." Anyway it was unladylike to travel on a scooter. She hoped that I would be careful to ride sidesaddle. I explained that my Vespa was a most respectable machine and, when I went to Montreal and, thrilling with every mile, rode it back to the house, in my full regalia, she was slightly mollified, while commenting dubiously56 that I would "faire sensation."
And then, on September the fifteenth, I drew a thousand dollars in American Express travelers' checks from my small bank balance, scientifically packed my saddlebags with what I thought would be a minimum wardrobe, kissed Aunt Florence good-by, and set off down the Saint Lawrence on Route 2.
Route 2 from Quebec southward to Montreal could be one of the most beautiful roads in the world if it weren't for the clutter57 of villas58 and bathing huts that have mushroomed along it since the war. It follows the great river exactly, clinging to the north bank, and I knew it well from bathing picnics as a child. But the Saint Lawrence Seaway had been opened since then, and the steady stream of big ships with their thudding engines and haunting sirens and whistles were a new thrill.
The Vespa hummed happily along at about forty. I had decided to stick to an average daily run of between a hundred and fifty and two hundred miles, or about six hours' actual driving, but I had no intention of being bound by any schedule. I wanted to see everything. If there was an intriguing59 side road, I would go up it, and, if I came to a beautiful or interesting place, I would stop and look at it.
A good invention in Canada and the northern part of the States is the "picnic area"-clearings carved out of the forest or beside a lake or river, with plenty of isolated60 rough-hewn benches and tables tucked away among the trees for privacy. I proposed to use these for luncheon61 every day when it wasn't raining, not buying expensive foods at stores, but making egg-and-bacon sandwiches on toast before I left each night's motel. They, with fruit and a Thermos62 of coffee, would be my midday meal and I would make up each evening with a good dinner. I budgeted for a daily expenditure63 of fifteen dollars. Most motels cost eight dollars single, but there are state taxes added, so I made it nine plus coffee and a roll for breakfast. Gas would not be more than a dollar a day, and that left five for luncheon and dinner, an occasional drink, and the few cigarettes I smoked. I wanted to try and keep inside this. The Esso map and route I had, and the A.A.A. literature, listed countless64 sights to see after I had crossed the border-I would be going right through the Indian country of Fennimore Cooper, and then across some of the great battlefields of the American Revolution, for instance-and many of them cost around a dollar entrance fee. But I thought I would get by, and if on some days I didn't, I would eat less on others.
The Vespa was far more stable than I had expected and wonderfully easy to run. As I got better at the twist-grip gears, I began really to drive the little machine instead of just riding on it. The acceleration-up to fifty in twenty seconds-was good enough to give the ordinary American sedan quite a shock, and I soared up hills like a bird with the exhaust purring sweetly under my tail. Of course I had to put up with a good deal of wolf-whistling from the young, and grinning and handwaving from the old, but I'm afraid I rather enjoyed being something of the sensation my aunt had predicted, and I smiled with varying sweetness at all and sundry65. The shoulders of most North American roads are bad, and I had been afraid that people would crowd my tiny machine and that I would be in constant trouble with potholes66, but I suppose I looked such a fragile little outfit67 that other drivers gave me a wide berth68, and I usually had the whole of the inside lane of the highway to myself.
Things went so well that first day that I managed to get through Montreal before nightfall and twenty miles on down Route 9 that would take me over the border into New York State the next morning. I put up at a place called The Southern Trail Motel, where I was treated as if I was Amelia Earhart or Amy Mollison-a rather pleasurable routine that I became accustomed to-and, after a square meal in the cafeteria and the shy acceptance of one drink with the proprietor69, I retired70 to bed feeling excited and happy. It had been a long and wonderful day. The Vespa was a dream, and my whole plan was working out fine.
I had taken one day to do the first two hundred miles. I took nearly two weeks to cover the next two hundred and fifty. There was no mystery about it. Once over the American border, I began to wander around the Adirondacks as if I was on a late summer holiday. I won't go into details since this is not a travelogue71, but there was hardly an old fort, museum, waterfall, cave, or high mountain I didn't visit-not to mention the dreadful "Storylands," "Adventure Towns," and mock "Indian Reservations" that got my dollar. I just went on a kind of sightseeing splurge that was part genuine curiosity but mostly wanting to put off the day when I would have to leave these lakes and rivers and forests and hurry on south to the harsh Eldollarado of the superhighways, the hot-dog stands, and the ribboning lights of neon.
It was at the end of these two weeks that I found myself at Lake George, the dreadful hub of tourism in the Adirondacks that has somehow managed to turn the history and the forests and the wildlife into honkytonk. Apart from the rather imposing72 stockade73 fort and the harmless steamers that ply74 up to Fort Ticonderoga and back, the rest is a gimcrack nightmare of concrete gnomes75, Bambi deer and toadstools, shoddy food stalls selling "Big Chief Hamburgers" and "Minnehaha Candy Floss," and "Attractions" such as "Animal Land" ("Visitors may hold and photograph costumed chimps"), "Gaslight Village" ("Genuine 1890 gas-lighting), and "Storytown USA " a terrifying babyland nightmare which I need not describe. It was here that I fled away from the horrible mainstream76 that Route 9 had become, and took to the dusty side road through the forest that was to lead me to The Dreamy Pines Motor Court and to the armchair where i have been sitting remembering just exactly how I happened to get here.
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1
sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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glacier
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| n.冰川，冰河 | |
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thronged
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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glum
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| adj.闷闷不乐的，阴郁的 | |
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clattered
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| 发出咔哒声（clatter的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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carnival
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| n.嘉年华会，狂欢，狂欢节，巡回表演 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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8
gloss
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| n.光泽，光滑；虚饰；注释；vt.加光泽于；掩饰 | |
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trite
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| adj.陈腐的 | |
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idiotic
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| adj.白痴的 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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abortion
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| n.流产，堕胎 | |
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mince
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| n.切碎物；v.切碎，矫揉做作地说 | |
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concierge
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| n.管理员；门房 | |
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concierges
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| n.看门人，门房( concierge的名词复数 ) | |
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16
proficient
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| adj.熟练的，精通的；n.能手，专家 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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18
explicit
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| adj.详述的，明确的；坦率的；显然的 | |
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stony
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| adj.石头的，多石头的，冷酷的，无情的 | |
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consul
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| n.领事；执政官 | |
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21
recuperate
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| v.恢复 | |
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fervent
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| adj.热的，热烈的，热情的 | |
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distressing
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| a.使人痛苦的 | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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belongings
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| n.私人物品，私人财物 | |
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dealer
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| n.商人，贩子 | |
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groggy
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| adj.体弱的；不稳的 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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predators
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| n.食肉动物( predator的名词复数 )；奴役他人者（尤指在财务或性关系方面） | |
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vegetate
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| v.无所事事地过活 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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pall
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| v.覆盖，使平淡无味；n.柩衣，棺罩；棺材；帷幕 | |
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34
marvel
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| vi.(at)惊叹vt.感到惊异；n.令人惊异的事 | |
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acceleration
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| n.加速，加速度 | |
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deluxe
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| adj.华美的，豪华的，高级的 | |
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moss
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| n.苔，藓，地衣 | |
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overalls
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| n.（复）工装裤；长罩衣 | |
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goggles
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| n.护目镜 | |
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fortress
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| n.堡垒，防御工事 | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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edifice
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| n.宏伟的建筑物(如宫殿，教室) | |
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awesome
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| adj.令人惊叹的，难得吓人的，很好的 | |
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schisms
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| n.教会分立，分裂( schism的名词复数 ) | |
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dowdy
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| adj.不整洁的；过旧的 | |
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46
snobbery
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| n. 充绅士气派, 俗不可耐的性格 | |
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gangling
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| adj.瘦长得难看的 | |
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48
plied
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| v.使用（工具）( ply的过去式和过去分词 )；经常供应（食物、饮料）；固定往来；经营生意 | |
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49
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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50
complimentary
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| adj.赠送的，免费的，赞美的，恭维的 | |
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51
belle
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| n.靓女 | |
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52
euphemism
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| n.婉言，委婉的说法 | |
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53
horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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54
gangsters
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| 匪徒，歹徒( gangster的名词复数 ) | |
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55
ravage
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| vt.使...荒废，破坏...；n.破坏，掠夺，荒废 | |
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56
dubiously
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| adv.可疑地，怀疑地 | |
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57
clutter
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| n.零乱，杂乱；vt.弄乱，把…弄得杂乱 | |
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58
villas
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| 别墅，公馆( villa的名词复数 )； （城郊）住宅 | |
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intriguing
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| adj.有趣的；迷人的v.搞阴谋诡计(intrigue的现在分词)；激起…的好奇心 | |
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60
isolated
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| adj.与世隔绝的 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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62
thermos
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| n.保湿瓶，热水瓶 | |
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63
expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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sundry
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| adj.各式各样的，种种的 | |
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66
potholes
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| n.壶穴( pothole的名词复数 ) | |
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67
outfit
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| n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装 | |
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68
berth
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| n.卧铺，停泊地，锚位；v.使停泊 | |
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69
proprietor
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| n.所有人；业主；经营者 | |
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70
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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71
travelogue
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| n.游记；旅行见闻 | |
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72
imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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73
stockade
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| n.栅栏，围栏；v.用栅栏防护 | |
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74
ply
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| v.(搬运工等)等候顾客，弯曲 | |
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75
gnomes
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| n.矮子( gnome的名词复数 )；侏儒；（尤指金融市场上搞投机的）银行家；守护神 | |
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mainstream
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| n.（思想或行为的）主流；adj.主流的 | |
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