Bella and I walked silently to biology. I was trying to focus myself on the moment, onthe girl beside me, on what was real and solid, on anything that would keep
Alice’sdeceitful, meaningless visions out of my head.
We passed Angela Weber, lingering on the sidewalk, discussing an assignmentwith a boy from her Trigonometry class. I scanned her thoughts perfunctorily,
expectingmore disappointment, only to be surprised by their wistful tenor1.
Ah, so there was something Angela wanted. Unfortunately, it wasn’t somethingthat could be easily gift-wrapped.
I felt strangely comforted for a moment, hearing Angela’s hopeless yearning2. Asense of kinship that Angela would never know about passed through me, and I was,
inthat second, at one with the kind human girl.
It was oddly consoling to know that I wasn’t the only one living out a tragic3 lovestory. Heartbreak was everywhere.
In the next second, I was abruptly5 and thoroughly6 irritated. Because Angela’sstory didn’t have to be tragic. She was human and he was human and the difference
thatseemed so insurmountable in her head was ridiculous, truly ridiculous compared to myown situation. There was no point in her broken heart. What a wasteful7 sadness,
whenthere was no valid8 reason for her not to be with the one she wanted. Why shouldn’t shehave what she wanted? Why shouldn’t this one story have a happy ending?
I wanted to give her a gift… Well, I would give her what she wanted. Knowingwhat I did of human nature, it probably wouldn’t even be very difficult. I sifted9
throughthe consciousness of the boy beside her, the object of her affections, and he did not seemunwilling, he was just stymied10 by the same difficulty she was. Hopeless
and resigned,the way she was.
All I would have to do was plant the suggestion… The plan formed easily, the script wrote itself without effort on my part. I wouldneed Emmett’s help—getting
him to go along with this was the only real difficulty.
Human nature was so much easier to manipulate than vampire11 nature.
I was pleased with my solution, with my gift for Angela. It was a nice diversionfrom my own problems. Would that mine were as easily fixed12.
My mood was slightly improved as Bella and I took our seats. Maybe I should bemore positive. Maybe there was some solution out there for us that was escaping me,
theway Angela’s obvious solution was so invisible to her. Not likely… But why waste timewith hopelessness? I didn’t have time to waste when it came to Bella. Each
secondmattered.
Mr. Banner entered pulling an ancient TV and VCR. He was skipping through asection he wasn’t particularly interested in—genetic disorders—by showing a movie
forthe next three days. Lorenzo’s Oil was not a very cheerful piece, but that didn’t stop theexcitement in the room. No notes, no test-able material. Three free days.
The humansexulted.
It didn’t matter to me, either way. I hadn’t been planning on paying any attentionto anything but Bella.
I did not pull my chair away from hers today, to give myself space to breathe.
Instead, I sat close beside her like any normal human would. Closer than we sat insidemy car, close enough that the left side of my body felt submerged in the heat
from herskin.
It was a strange experience, both enjoyable and nerve-racking, but I preferred thisto sitting across the table from her. It was more than I was used to, and yet I
quicklyrealized that it was not enough. I was not satisfied. Being this close to her only made mewant to be closer still. The pull was stronger the closer I got.
I had accused her of being a magnet for danger. Right now, it felt like that wasthe literal truth. I was danger, and, with every inch I allowed myself nearer to
her, herattraction grew in force.
And then Mr. Banner turned the lights out.
It was odd how much of a difference this made, considering that the lack of lightmeant little to my eyes. I could still see just as perfectly13 as before. Every
detail of theroom was clear.
So why the sudden shock of electricity in the air, in this dark that was not dark tome? Was it because I knew that I was the only one who could see clearly? That
bothBella and I were invisible to the others? Like we were alone, just the two of us, hidden inthe dark room, sitting so close beside one another…My hand moved toward
her without my permission. Just to touch her hand, tohold it in the darkness. Would that be such a horrific mistake? If my skin bothered her,she only had to pull away…
I yanked my hand back, folded my arms tightly across my chest and clenched14 myhands closed. No mistakes. I’d promised myself that I would make no mistakes, nomatter how
minimal15 they seemed. If I held her hand, I would only want more—anotherinsignificant touch, another move closer to her. I could feel that. A new kind of desirewas
growing in me, working to override16 my self-control.
No mistakes.
Bella folded her arms securely across her own chest, and her hands balled up intofists, just like mine.
What are you thinking? I was dying to whisper the words to her, but the roomwas too quiet to get away with even a whispered conversation.
The movie began, lightening the darkness just a bit. Bella glanced up at me. Shenoted the rigid17 way I held my body—just like hers—and smiled. Her lips parted
slightly,and her eyes seemed full of warm invitations.
Or perhaps I was seeing what I wanted to see.
I smiled back; her breathing caught with a low gasp18 and she looked quickly away.
That made it worse. I didn’t know her thoughts, but I was suddenly positive that Ihad been right before, and that she wanted me to touch her. She felt this
dangerous desirejust as I did.
Between her body and mine, the electricity hummed.
She didn’t move all through the hour, holding her stiff, controlled pose as I heldmine. Occasionally she would peek19 at me again, and the humming current would
joltthrough me with a sudden shock.
The hour passed—slowly, and yet not slowly enough. This was so new, I couldhave sat like this with her for days, just to experience the feeling fully20.
I had a dozen different arguments with myself while the minutes passed,rationality struggling with desire as I tried to justify21 touching22 her.
Finally, Mr. Banner turned the lights on again.
In the bright fluorescent23 light, the atmosphere of the room returned to normal.
Bella sighed and stretched, flexing25 her fingers in front of her. It must have beenuncomfortable for her to hold that position for so long. It was easier for me—
stillnesscame naturally.
I chuckled26 at the relieved expression on her face. “Well, that was interesting.”
“Umm,” she murmured, clearly understanding what I referred to, but making nocomment. What I wouldn’t give to hear what she was thinking right now.
I sighed. No amount of wishing was going to help with that.
“Shall we?” I asked, standing27.
She made a face and got unsteadily to her feet, her hands splayed out as if shewere afraid she was going to fall.
I could offer her my hand. Or I could place that hand underneath28 her elbow—justlightly—and steady her. Surely that wouldn’t be such a horrible infraction…No
mistakes.
She was very quiet as we walked toward the gym. The crease29 was in evidencebetween her eyes, a sign that she was deep in thought. I, too, was thinking deeply.
One touch of her skin wouldn’t hurt her, my selfish side contended.
I could easily moderate the pressure of my hand. It wasn’t exactly difficult, aslong as I was firmly in control of myself. My tactile30 sense was better developed
than ahuman’s; I could juggle31 a dozen crystal goblets32 without breaking any of them; I couldstroke a soap bubble without popping it. As long as I was firmly in control
…Bella was like a soap bubble—fragile and ephemeral. Temporary.
How long would I be able to justify my presence in her life? How much time didI have? Would I have another chance like this chance, like this moment, like this
second?
She would not always be within my arm’s reach…Bella turned to face me at the gym’s door, and her eyes widened at the expressionon my face. She didn’t speak. I
looked at myself in the reflection of her eyes and sawthe conflict raging in my own. I watched my face change as my better side lost theargument.
My hand lifted without a conscious command for it to do so. As gently as if shewere made of the thinnest glass, as if she were fragile as a bubble, my fingers
stroked thewarm skin that covered her cheekbone. It heated under my touch, and I could feel thepulse of blood speed beneath her transparent33 skin.
Enough, I ordered, though my hand was aching to shape itself to the side of herface. Enough.
It was difficult to pull my hand back, to stop myself from moving closer to herthan I already was. A thousand different possibilities ran through my mind in
aninstant—a thousand different ways to touch her. The tip of my finger tracing the shape ofher lips. My palm cupping under her chin. Pulling the clip from her hair and
letting itspill out across my hand. My arms winding34 around her waist, holding her against thelength of my body.
Enough.
I forced myself to turn, to move away from her. My body moved stiffly—unwilling.
I let my mind linger behind to watch her as I walked swiftly away, almost runningfrom the temptation. I caught Mike Newton’s thoughts—they were the loudest—
whilehe watched Bella walk past him in oblivion, her eyes unfocused and her cheeks red. Heglowered and suddenly my name was mingled35 with curses in his head; I couldn’t
helpgrinning slightly in response.
My hand was tingling36. I flexed37 it and then curled it into a fist, but it continued tosting painlessly.
No, I hadn’t hurt her—but touching her had still been a mistake.
It felt like fire—like the thirsting burn of my throat had spread throughout myentire body.
The next time I was close to her, would I be able to stop myself from touching heragain? And if I touched her once, would I be able to stop at that?
No more mistakes. That was it. Savor38 the memory, Edward, I told myself grimly,and keep your hands to yourself. That, or I would have to force myself toleave…
somehow. Because I couldn’t allow myself near her if I insisted on makingerrors.
I took a deep breath and tried to steady my thoughts.
Emmett caught up to me outside the English building.
“Hey, Edward.” He’s looking better. Weird39, but better. Happy.
“Hey, Em.” Did I look happy? I supposed, despite the chaos40 in my head, I feltthat way.
Way to keep your mouth shut, kid. Rosalie wants to rip your tongue out.
I sighed. “Sorry I left you to deal with that. Are you angry with me?”
“Naw. Rose’ll get over it. It was bound to happen anyway.” With what Alicesees coming…Alice’s visions were not what I wanted to think about right now. I stared
forward,my teeth locking together.
As I searched for a distraction41, I caught sight of Ben Cheney entering the Spanishroom ahead of us. Ah—here was my chance to give Angela Weber her gift.
I stopped walking and caught Emmett’s arm. “Hold on a second.”
What’s up?
“I know I don’t deserve it, but would you do me a favor anyway?”
“What is it?” he asked, curious.
Under my breath—and at a speed that would have made the wordsincomprehensible to a human no matter how loud they’d been spoken—I explained tohim what I wanted.
He stared at me blankly when I was done, his thoughts as blank as his face.
“So?” I prompted. “Will you help me do it?”
It took him a minute to respond. “But, why?”
“C’mon, Emmett. Why not?”
Who are you and what have you done with my brother?
“Aren’t you the one who complains that school is always the same? This issomething a little different, isn’t it? Consider it an experiment—an experiment in
humannature.”
He stared at me for another moment before he caved. “Well, it is different, I’llgive you that… Okay, fine.” Emmett snorted and then shrugged43. “I’ll help you.
”
I grinned at him, feeling more enthusiastic about my plan now that he was onboard. Rosalie was a pain, but I would always owe her one for choosing Emmett; no onehad
a better brother than mine.
Emmett didn’t need to practice. I whispered his lines to him once under mybreath as we walked into the classroom.
Ben was already in his seat behind mine, assembling his homework to hand in.
Emmett and I both sat and did the same thing. The classroom was not quiet yet; themurmur of subdued44 conversation would continue until Mrs. Goff called for
attention.
She was in no hurry, appraising45 the quizzes from the last class.
“So,” Emmett said, his voice louder than necessary—if he were really speakingonly to me. “Did you ask Angela Weber out yet?”
The sound of papers rustling46 behind me came to an abrupt4 stop as Ben froze, hisattention suddenly riveted47 on our conversation.
Angela? They’re talking about Angela?
Good. I had his interest.
“No,” I said, shaking my head slowly to appear regretful.
“Why not?” Emmett improvised48. “Are you chicken?”
I grimaced49 at him. “No. I heard that she was interested in someone else.”
Edward Cullen was going to ask Angela out? But… No. I don’t like that. I don’twant him near her. He’s…not right for her. Not…safe.
I hadn’t anticipated the chivalry50, the protective instinct. I’d been working forjealousy. But whatever worked.
“You’re going to let that stop you?” Emmett asked scornfully, improvising51 again.
“Not up for the competition?”
I glared at him, but made used of what he gave me. “Look, I guess she reallylikes this Ben person. I’m not going to try to convince her otherwise. There are
othergirls.”
The reaction in the chair behind me was electric.
“Who?” Emmett asked, back to the script.
“My lab partner said it was some kid named Cheney. I’m not sure I know who heis.”
I bit back my smile. Only the haughty52 Cullens could get away with pretendingnot to know every student at this tiny school.
Ben’s head was whirling with shock. Me? Over Edward Cullen? But why wouldshe like me?
“Edward,” Emmett muttered in a lower tone, rolling his eyes toward the boy.
“He’s right behind you,” he mouthed, so obviously that the human could easily read thewords.
“Oh,” I muttered back.
I turned in my seat and glanced once at the boy behind me. For a second, theblack eyes behind the glasses were frightened, but then he stiffened53 and squared
hisnarrow shoulders, affronted54 by my clearly disparaging55 evaluation56. His chin shot out andan angry flush darkened his golden-brown skin.
“Huh,” I said arrogantly57 as I turned back to Emmett.
He thinks he’s better than me. But Angela doesn’t. I’ll show him…Perfect.
“Didn’t you say she was taking Yorkie to the dance, though?” Emmett asked,snorting as he said the name of the boy that many scorned for his awkwardness.
“That was a group decision apparently58.” I wanted to be sure that Ben was clearon this. “Angela’s shy. If B—well, if a guy doesn’t have the nerve to ask her
out, she’dnever ask him.”
“You like shy girls,” Emmett said, back to improvisation59. Quiet girls. Girlslike…hmm, I don’t know. Maybe Bella Swan?
I grinned at him. “Exactly.” Then I returned to the performance. “Maybe Angelawill get tired of waiting. Maybe I’ll ask her to the prom.”
No, you won’t, Ben thought, straightening up in his chair. So what if she’s somuch taller than me? If she doesn’t care, then neither do I. She’s the nicest,
smartest,prettiest girl in this school… and she wants me.
I liked this Ben. He seemed bright and well-meaning. Maybe even worthy60 of agirl like Angela.
I gave Emmett a thumbs up under the desk as Mrs. Goff stood and greeted theclass.
Okay, I’ll admit it—that was sort of fun, Emmett thought.
I smiled to myself, pleased that I’d been able to shape one love story’s happyending. I was positive that Ben would follow through, and Angela would receive
myanonymous gift. My debt was repaid.
How silly humans were, to let a six inch height differential confound theirhappiness.
My success put me in a good mood. I smiled again as I settled into my chair andprepared to be entertained. After all, as Bella had pointed61 out at lunch, I’d never
seen herin action in her gym class before.
Mike’s thoughts were the easiest to pinpoint62 in the babble63 of voices that swarmedthrough the gym. His mind had gotten far too familiar over the last few weeks.
With asigh, I resigned myself to listening through him. At least I could be sure that he would bepaying attention to Bella.
I was just in time to hear him offer to be her badminton partner; as he made thesuggestion, other partnerings ran through his mind. My smile faded, my teeth
clenchedtogether, and I had to remind myself that murdering Mike Newton was not a permissibleoption.
“Thanks, Mike—you don’t have to do this, you know.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll keep out of your way.”
They grinned at each other, and flashes of numerous accidents—always in someway connected to Bella—flashed through Mike’s head.
Mike played alone at first, while Bella hesitated on the back half of the court,holding her racket gingerly, as if it was some kind of weapon. Then Coach Clapp
ambledby and ordered Mike to let Bella play.
Uh oh, Mike thought as Bella moved forward with a sigh, holding her racquet atan awkward angle.
Jennifer Ford65 served the birdie directly toward Bella with a smug twist to herthoughts. Mike saw Bella lurch66 toward it, swinging the racket yards wide of her
target,and he rushed in to try to save the volley.
I watched the trajectory67 of Bella’s racquet with alarm. Sure enough, it hit the tautnet and sprung back at her, clipping her forehead before it spun68 out to strike
Mike’s armwith a resounding69 thwack.
Ow. Ow. Ungh. That’s going to leave a bruise70.
Bella was kneading her forehead. It was hard to stay in my seat where I belonged,knowing she was hurt. But what could I do, if I were there? And it didn’t seem to
beserious… I hesitated, watching. If she intended to continue to try to play, I was going tohave to manufacture an excuse to pull her out of class.
The coach laughed. “Sorry, Newton.” That girl’s the worst jinx I’ve ever seen.
Shouldn’t inflict71 her on the others…He turned his back deliberately72 and moved to watch another game so that Bellacould return to her former spectator’s role.
Ow, Mike thought again, massaging73 his arm. He turned to Bella. “Are youokay?”
“Yeah, are you?” she asked sheepishly, blushing.
“I think I’ll make it.” Don’t want to sound like a crybaby. But, man, that hurts!
Mike swung his arm in a circle, wincing74.
“I’ll just stay back here,” Bella said, embarrassment75 and chagrin76 on her facerather than pain. Maybe Mike had got the worst of it. I certainly hoped that was the
case.
At least she wasn’t playing anymore. She held her racquet so carefully behind her back,her eyes wide with remorse… I had to disguise my laugh as coughing.
What’s funny? Emmett wanted to know.
“Tell you later,” I muttered.
Bella didn’t venture into the game again. The coach ignored her and let Mikeplay alone.
I breezed through the quiz at the end of the hour, and Mrs. Goff let me go early. Iwas listening intently to Mike as I walked across the campus. He’d decided77 to
confrontBella about me.
Jessica swears they’re dating. Why? Why did he have to pick her?
He didn’t recognize the real phenomenon—that she’d picked me.
“So.”
“So what?” she wondered.
“You and Cullen, huh?” You and the freak. I guess, if a rich guy is thatimportant to you...
I gritted78 my teeth at his degrading assumption.
“That’s none of your business, Mike.”
Defensive. So it’s true. Crap. “I don’t like it.”
“You don’t have to,” she snapped.
Why can’t she see what a circus sideshow he is? Like they all are. The way hestares at her. It gives me chills to watch. “He looks at you like…like you’re
something toeat.”
I cringed, waiting for her response.
Her face turned bright red, and her lips pressed together like she was holding herbreath. Then, suddenly, a giggle79 burst through her lips.
Now she’s laughing at me. Great.
Mike turned, thoughts sullen80, and wandered off to change.
I leaned against the gym wall and tried to compose myself.
How could she have laughed at Mike’s accusation—so entirely81 on target that Ibegan to worry that Forks was becoming too aware… Why would she laugh at
thesuggestion that I could kill her, when she knew that it was entirely true? Where was thehumor in that?
What was wrong with her?
Did she have morbid82 sense of humor? That didn’t fit with my idea of hercharacter, but how could I be sure? Or maybe my daydream83 of the giddy angel was truein the
one respect, in that she had no sense of fear at all. Brave—that was one word forit. Others might say stupid, but I knew how bright she was. No matter what the reason,
though, this lack of fear or twisted sense of humor wasn’t good for her. Was it thisstrange lack that put her in danger so constantly? Maybe she would always need
mehere…Just like that, my mood was soaring.
If I could just discipline myself, make myself safe, then perhaps it would be rightfor me to stay with her.
When she walked through the gym doors, her shoulders were stiff and her lowerlip was between her teeth again—a sign of anxiety. But as soon as her eyes met
mine,her rigid shoulders relaxed and a wide smile spread across her face. It was an oddlypeaceful expression. She walked right to my side without hesitation84, only
stopping whenshe was so close that her body heat crashed over me like a tidal wave.
“Hi,” she whispered.
The happiness I felt in this moment was, again, without precedent85.
“Hello,” I said, and then—because with my mood suddenly so light I couldn’tresist teasing her—I added, “How was gym?”
Her smile wavered. “Fine.”
“Really?” I asked, about to press the issue—I was still concerned about her head;was she in pain?—but then Mike Newton’s thoughts we so loud they broke
myconcentration.
I hate him. I wish he would die. I hope he drives that shiny car right off a cliff.
Why couldn’t he just leave her alone? Stick to his own kind—to the freaks.
“What?” Bella demanded.
My eyes refocused on her face. She looked at Mike’s retreating back, and then atme again.
“Newton’s getting on my nerves,” I admitted.
Her mouth fell open, and her smile disappeared. She must have forgotten that I’dhad the power to watch through her calamitous86 last hour, or hoped that I hadn’t
“You weren’t listening again?”
“How’s your head?”
“You’re unbelievable!” she said through her teeth, and then she turned away fromme and stalked furiously toward the parking lot. Her skin flushed dark red—she
wasembarrassed.
I kept pace with her, hoping that her anger would pass soon. She was usuallyquick to forgive me.
“You were the one who mentioned how I’d never seen you in Gym,” I explained.
“It made me curious.”
She didn’t answer; her eyebrows88 pulled together.
She came to a sudden halt in the parking lot when she realized that the way to mycar was blocked by a crowd of male students.
I wonder how fast they’ve gone in this thing…Look at the SMG shift paddles. I’ve never seen those outside of a magazine…Nice side grills…Sure wish I had sixty
thousand dollars laying around…This was exactly why it was better for Rosalie to only use her car out of town.
I wound through the throng89 of lustful90 boys to my car; after a second of hesitation,Bella followed suit.
“Ostentatious,” I muttered as she climbed in.
“What kind of car is that?” she wondered.
“An M3.”
She frowned. “I don’t speak Car and Driver.”
“It’s a BMW.” I rolled my eyes and then focused on backing out without runninganyone down. I had to lock eyes with a few boys that didn’t seem willing to move
out ofmy way. A half-second meeting my gaze seemed to be enough to convince them.
“Are you still angry?” I asked her. Her frown had relaxed.
“Definitely,” she answered curtly91.
I sighed. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up. Oh well. I could try to makeamends, I supposed. “Will you forgive me if I apologize?”
She thought about that for a moment. “Maybe…if you mean it,” she decided.
“And if you promise not to do it again.”
I wasn’t going to lie to her, and there was no way I was agreeing to that. Perhapsif I offered her a different exchange.
“How about if I mean it, and I agree to let you drive this Saturday?” I cringedinternally at the thought.
The furrow92 popped into existence between her eyes as she considered the newbargain. “Deal,” she said after a moment of thought.
Now for my apology… I’d never tried to dazzle Bella on purpose before, butnow seemed like a good time. I stared deep into her eyes as I drove away from theschool,
wondering if I was doing it right. I used my most persuasive93 tone.
“Then I’m very sorry I upset you.”
Her heartbeat thudded louder than before, and the rhythm was abruptly staccato.
Her eyes widened, looking a little stunned94.
I half-smiled. It seemed like I’d gotten it right. Of course, I was having a bit ofdifficulty looking away from her eyes, too. Equally dazzled. It was a good thing
I hadthis road memorized.
“And I’ll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning,” I added,finishing the agreement.
She blinked swiftly, shaking her head as if to clear it. “Um,” she said, “it doesn’thelp with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the
driveway.”
Ah, how little she still knew me. “I wasn’t intending to bring a car.”
“How—” she started to ask.
I interrupted her. The answer would be hard to explain without a demonstration,and now was hardly the time. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll be there, no car.”
She put her head on one side, and looked for a second like she was going to pressfor more, but then she seemed to change her mind.
“Is it later yet?” she asked, reminding me of our unfinished conversation in thecafeteria today; she’d let go of one difficult question just to return another
that was moreunappealing.
“I suppose it is later,” I agreed unwillingly95.
I parked in front of her house, tensing as I tried to think of how toexplain…without making my monstrous96 nature too evident, without frightening heragain. Or was
that wrong? To minimalize my darkness?
She waited with the same politely interested mask she’d worn at lunch. If I’dbeen less anxious, her preposterous97 calm would have made me laugh.
“And you still want to know why you can’t see me hunt?” I asked.
“Well, mostly I was wondering about your reaction,” she said.
“Did I frighten you?” I asked, positive that she would deny it.
“No.”
I tried not to smile, and failed. “I apologize for scaring you.” And then my smilevanished with the momentary98 humor. “It was just the very thought of you
beingthere…while we hunted.”
“That would be bad?”
The mental picture was too much—Bella, so vulnerable in the empty darkness;myself, out of control… I tried to banish99 it from my head. “Extremely.”
“Because…?”
I took a deep breath, concentrating for one moment on the burning thirst. Feelingit, managing it, proving my dominion100 over it. It would never control me again—I
willedthat to be true. I would be safe for her. I stared at the welcome clouds without seeingthem, wishing I could believe that my determination would make any
difference if I werehunting when I crossed her scent24.
“When we hunt…we give ourselves over to our senses,” I told her, thinkingthrough each word before I spoke42 it. “Govern less with our minds. Especially our
senseof smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…”
I shook my head in agony at the thought of what would—not what could, butwhat would—surely happen then.
I listened to the spike101 in her heartbeat, and then turned, restless, to read her eyes.
Bella’s face was composed, her eyes grave. Her mouth was pursed just slightly inwhat I guessed was concern. But concern for what? Her own safety? Or my anguish102?
Icontinued to stare at her, trying to translate her ambiguous expression into sure fact.
She gazed back. Her eyes grew wider after a moment, and her pupils dilated,though the light had not changed.
My breathing accelerated, and suddenly the quiet in the car seemed to behumming, just like in the darkened biology room this afternoon. The pulsing currentraced
between us again, and my desire to touch her was, briefly103, stronger even than thedemands of my thirst.
The throbbing104 electricity made it feel like I had a pulse again. My body sang withit. Like I was human. More than anything in the world, I wanted to feel the heat
of herlips against mine. For one second, I struggled desperately105 to find the strength, thecontrol, to able to put my mouth so close to her skin…She sucked in a ragged106
breath, and only then did I realize that when I had startedbreathing faster, she had stopped breathing altogether.
I closed my eyes, trying to break the connection between us.
No more mistakes.
Bella’s existence was tied to a thousand delicately balanced chemical processes,all so easily disrupted. The rhythmic107 expansion of her lungs, the flow of oxygen,
was lifeor death to her. The fluttering cadence108 of her fragile heart could be stopped by so manystupid accidents or illnesses or…by me.
I did not believe that any member of my family would hesitate if he or she wereoffered a chance back—if he or she could trade immortality109 for mortality again. Any
oneof us would stand in fire for it. Burn for as many days or centuries as were necessary.
Most of our kind prized immortality above anything else. There were evenhumans who craved110 this, who searched in dark places for those who could give them
theblackest of gifts…Not us. Not my family. We would trade anything to be human.
But none of us had ever been as desperate for a way back as I was now.
I stared at the microscopic111 pits and flaws in the windshield, like there was somesolution hidden in the glass. The electricity had not faded, and I had to
concentrate tokeep my hands on the wheel.
My right hand began to sting without pain again, from when I’d touched herbefore.
“Bella, I think you should go inside now.”
She obeyed at once, without comment, getting out of the car and shutting the doorbehind herself. Did she feel the potential for disaster as clearly as I did?
Did it hurt her to leave, as it hurt me to let her go? The only solace112 was that Iwould see her soon. Sooner than she would see me. I smiled at that, then rolled
thewindow down and leaned across to speak to her one more time—it was safer now, withthe heat of her body outside the car.
She turned to see what I wanted, curious.
Still curious, though she’d asked me so many questions today. My own curiositywas entirely unsatisfied; answering her questions today had only revealed my secrets
—I’d gotten little from her but my own conjectures113. That wasn’t fair.
“Oh, Bella?”
“Yes?”
“Tomorrow it’s my turn.”
Her forehead puckered114. “Your turn to what?”
“Ask the questions.” Tomorrow, when we were in a safer place, surrounded bywitnesses, I would get my own answers. I grinned at the thought, and then I turned
awaybecause she made no move to leave. Even with her outside of the car, the echo of theelectricity zinged in the air. I wanted to get out, too, to walk her to her door
as an excuseto stay beside her…No more mistakes. I hit the gas, and then sighed as she disappeared behind me. Itseemed like I was always running toward Bella or
running away from her, never stayingin place. I would have to find some way to hold my ground if we were ever going tohave any peace.
第十二章
难题我们默默地走去上生物课。我极力将注意力集中到眼前这一刻上，集中到我身边这个女孩上，集中到这些实实在在的事情上，随便集中到什么事上都成，只要能把爱丽丝那些毫无意义
的骗人的幻觉从我脑子里赶出去。
我们经过安吉拉?韦伯，她一直待在人行道上，跟一个同她一起上三角课的男生讨论作业问题。
我马马虎虎地扫过她的想法，本以为自己会更加失望，没想到它们竟流露出某种渴望，让我感到惊讶。
啊，这么看来，是有这么一件东西是安吉拉想要的。不幸的是，那不是一件可以轻轻松松被当作礼物打包送出去的东西。
听见安吉拉无望的思慕，我感到一种奇怪的宽慰。一种同病相怜的感觉从我心底流过，而安吉拉永远不会知道这一点，我，在那一瞬间，跟这个善良的人类女孩心意相通。
原来并不是只有我才爱得如此悲惨，奇怪的是，这抚慰了我的心。心碎的爱情故事到处都是。
紧接着下一秒，我又突然感到一阵愤慨不平。因为安吉拉的故事并不是非成为悲剧不可。她是人类，他也是人类，而在她看来似乎是难以克服的差异，其实是那么的可笑，唉，跟我的情况
比起来，真是可笑极了。她的心碎毫无意义。她的悲伤有多浪费啊，既然并没有什么充分理由让她不能跟自己喜欢的人在一起。为什么她不能跟自己喜欢的人在一起呢？为什么这个故事不能有
一个幸福的结局呢？
我应该送她一份礼物……那就这样吧，我会给她她想要的。鉴于我要做的事跟人性有关，那 就应该不会太难。我筛查过她身边那个男孩的思想，就是她暗恋的对象，他好像也不是不情愿
，他只是跟她一样被同样的问题难住了。感到无望，却又听天由命，她现在的情况就是这样。
我要做的无非就是播下希望的种子……一个计划毫不费力地就在我脑子里成形了，对我来说，给这计划编写脚本不费吹灰之力。我需要爱美特的帮助——要他附和这个计划才是最困难的一
环。跟吸血鬼的天性相比，人性要容易操控得多。
让我高兴的是，我已经找到了解决办法，让我能把那份礼物送给安吉拉。这是一个很好的分散注意的方法，让我用不着老想着自己的难题。我自己那个难题也能这么容易被解决吗？
当贝拉和我在我们的位置上就坐时，我的心情稍微有点好转了。也许我应该更乐观一点。也许会有别的解决办法，我只是暂时还没找到，就像安吉拉一样，那么明显的解决办法她却没能发
现。两者不太一样……可为什么要把时间浪费在绝望上呢？我没有时间去浪费了。流逝在贝拉身上的时间，每一秒钟都意义非凡。
瓦纳先生推了一台电视机和录像机进来。他打算跳过一章他不是十分感兴趣的课文——遗传病——用连放三天电影的方法。《伦佐伦的油》不是一部叫人愉快的片子，可也挡不住教室里的
兴奋气氛。不用记笔记，也不用单元测验。一连三天的自由时间。人们都欢呼雀跃。
不管是哪一个原因，都跟我没有关系。我没打算将注意力集中到除贝拉以外的任何事情上。
今天我没有把椅子拉开去，远离她，好给自己呼吸的空间。相反，我坐得离她很近，就像正常人一样。比我们坐在车里时还要近，近到足以让我左边的身体被她皮肤散发出来的温热所淹没
。
这种经历完全是陌生的，可我情愿这么做也不愿隔着一张桌子坐在她对面。这已经超过了我所习惯的距离，可我很快就意识到这还不够。我还不满足。这么挨近她，只会让我想要靠得更近
。我离得越近，那股吸引力就越强烈。
我曾指责她是一块专门吸引危险的磁铁。此时此刻，我分明感觉到：这是一个不折不扣的事实。我就是一个危险人物，而且，随着我允许自己朝她一寸一寸地挨近，她的吸引力也在大幅度
增强。
然后瓦纳先生将灯关掉了。
太奇怪了，这么一来居然会让一切变了个样儿，就我的视力而论，没有光线对我影响不大。
我还是能像刚才那样看得一清二楚。教室里的所有动静都能被我尽收眼底。
那为什么空气中会有一股电流让我全身为之一震，既然这片黑暗对我来说根本不算黑暗？是不是因为我知道只有我能看得清清楚楚，而其他人则看不见贝拉和我呢？就像我们正在独处一般
，只有我们两个人，隐藏在漆黑一片的房间里，坐在一起，彼此挨得那么近……我的手在不经我允许的情况下就擅自向她那边伸了过去。只是去碰一下她的手，只是在这片黑暗中握住它。这么
做会不会是一个可怕的错误？要是我的皮肤让她感到不安了，她只要把手移开就好了……我猛地抽回手，两臂交叉紧扣，抱在胸前，双手紧握成拳。别犯错。我承诺过自己不能犯错误的，哪怕
是些看起来无足轻重的错误。如果我握住她的手，我只会想要得到更多——会想要再碰一碰她，会想要进一步靠近她。我能感觉得到。一股新的欲望正从我心底油然而生，企图压倒我的自控力
。
别犯错。
贝拉交叉两臂，牢牢地抱在胸前，她的双手也握成了拳头，跟我一样。
你在想什么？我很想这么低声问她，可房间里太静了，根本不容许我们低声交谈。
电影开始了，给这片黑暗带来了一点点光线。贝拉抬头看了我一眼。她注意到了我身体僵硬——就像她一样——然后微笑了一下。她的嘴唇微微张开，她的眼里仿佛充满了热情的诱惑。
又或者，我只是看见我想看的。
我也回以微笑；她低喘了口气，很快看向别的地方。
那样更糟。我不知道她在想什么，可我突然确信我之前的想法是对的：她想要我碰她。她跟我一样感觉到了这种危险的渴望。
在她的身体和我的之间，有一股电流通过。
在整一个小时里，她都没有动，让自己僵硬地坐在那儿，显出一副克制的样子，我也一样。
偶尔她会偷偷地看我一眼，而这时，那股嗡嗡的电流就会传遍全身，让我悚然一震。
这一个小时结束了——结束得很慢，可还不够慢。这种体验是全新的，我能够像这样坐在她身边，坐上一整天，仅仅为了尽情品味一下这份感觉。
时间一分一秒的过去，在此期间，我跟自己争论过无数次，我极力想证明自己碰她是有理的，理性与欲望争执不休。
终于，瓦纳先生把灯又拧开了。
在明亮的日光灯下，房间里的气氛又恢复正常。贝拉叹了口气，向前伸出胳膊，活动了一下手指。对她来说，长时间固定一个姿势肯定会觉得不舒服。这对我来说却不算什么——做到静止
不动再自然不过了。
她脸上松口气的表情让我轻声笑出来。“嗯，挺有意思的。”
“唔。”她嘀咕了一声，对我话里的暗示心知肚明，可没作什么评论。这一刻，要能听见她现在的想法，我情愿付出一切。
我叹了口气。再怎么期盼也无济于事。
“我们走吧？”我问道，一边站了起来。
她脸上露出苦相，摇摇晃晃地站起身，两手张开，好像生怕自己会摔倒。
我可以伸手扶她一把。或者我可以把手放在她的胳膊肘底下——只是轻轻地——好让她站稳。
这么做肯定不会是一个可怕的犯规……别犯错。
在我们一起走去体育馆的路上，她很安静。她眉宇间的那道皱纹十分明显，她在沉思。我，也在沉思着……碰一下她的皮肤不会弄伤她的，我那自私的一方这么声称。
要控制我手上的力道很容易。这真的不会太难，只要我能牢牢地控制住自己。我的触觉比人类的要更发达；我能弄歪成打叠起的高脚水晶酒杯而不会打破其中一只；我能轻抚一个肥皂泡而
不会把它弄破，只要我牢牢地控制住……贝拉就好比一个肥皂泡——易碎而又短暂。转瞬即逝。
我出现在她生命中的时间能有多长呢？我还能拥有多少时间呢？我还有机会像现在这次一样吗？如同这一刻，这一秒？她不会永远停留在我触手可及的地方……在体育馆门口，贝拉转身面
对我，我脸上流露出来的表情让她的眼睛睁大了。她没有说话。
我看着她眼中映射出来的自己的倒影，看见了我脸上强烈的纠结。我看见我的脸改变了，我那更好的一面输掉了这场争论。
我的手在不知不觉中举起。轻轻地，就仿佛她是用最薄的玻璃做成的，就仿佛她是一个易碎的泡影，我的手指拂过她脸颊的温热肌肤。它在我的触摸下变得更热了，我能够感觉到她透明肌
肤下血液的脉动正在加速运行。
够了，我命令自己，尽管我的手渴望沿着她的脸颊轻抚下去。够了。
要把自己的手扯回来真的很困难，为的是阻止自己比现在更进一步地去接近她。在这一刹那间，我脑子里闪过上千种不同的可能性——上千种去碰她的方式。用我的指尖描摹她唇瓣的形状
。用我的手掌托起她的下巴。拈一绺她的秀发缠绕在我的指间。用我的双臂环住她的腰，让她紧紧贴住我的身躯。
够了。
我强迫自己转身，离开她走了。我走路的时候身体直挺挺的——很不情愿。
我走得飞快，几乎是逃也似的远离那份诱惑，把心留在了身后，一直留在她身上，注视着她。
我捕捉到了麦克?牛顿的思想——它们最响亮——他看见贝拉神情恍惚地从他身边走过，两眼茫然，脸颊绯红；他怒目注视，突然我的名字连着一大串咒骂从他脑子里蹦出来；我不觉轻笑
出声，作为回应。
我的手正隐隐刺痛。我活动了一下手掌，然后把它捏成拳头，可还是感到有种针扎一般的刺痛。
不，我没有弄伤她——可碰她依然是一个错误。
就像一团火焰——就像从我喉间升起的干渴迅速传遍我的全身。
若有下一次，当我离她这样近的时候，我能够阻止自己不再碰她吗？还有，如果我再碰她一次，我能让自己就此住手吗？
别再犯更多错误了。就是这样。尽情享受这段回忆吧，爱德华，我冷酷地对自己说，还有，管住你的手。否则，或者我将不得不迫使自己离开……以某种方式。因为，如果我坚持继续犯错
的话，我就不允许自己再待在她身边了。
我深深地吸了口气，让自己能够定下心来。
爱美特在上英语课的教学楼前面看见了我。
“嗨，爱德华。”（他看起来好一点了。古里古怪的，可是好一点了。挺快活的。）“嘿，爱美。”我看起来快活吗？我猜，尽管我脑子里乱糟糟的，我是有那种感觉。
（想办法管住你的嘴，小子。罗莎莉很想把你的舌头割下来哩。）我叹了口气。“我很抱歉让你来应付这件事。你会生我的气吗？”
“没事儿。罗斯会消气的。反正这事儿早晚会发生。”（就像爱丽丝预见的那样……）我眼下还不想去考虑爱丽丝的幻觉。我直视前方，牙齿咬得紧紧的。
我看向四周，想找点能分散一下我注意力的东西，结果一眼看见本?切尼走在我们前面，正走进西班牙语课室。啊——我送礼物给安吉拉的机会来了。
我停下脚步，一把抓住爱美特的胳膊。“等一等。”
（干嘛？）“我知道自己没这资格，可不管怎样，你能不能帮我一个忙呢？”
“做什么？”他好奇地问。
我说完我的计划后，他茫然地盯着我，他脑子里的想法跟他的脸一样茫然。
“怎么样？”我催促道，“你肯不肯帮我这个忙嘛？”
他过了一分钟才作出回答。“可这是为什么呀？”
“来吧，爱美特。何乐而不为呢？”
（你谁啊？你把我的兄弟怎么样啦？）“不是你老在那儿埋怨学校总是老样子一成不变吗？眼下这件事儿就有些不一般了，对吧？
你可以把它看作是一个实验——一个关于人性的实验。”
他又盯着我看了一会儿，然后屈服了。“好吧，是有点不一般，我想我可以帮你忙……噢，那好吧。”爱美特嗤之以鼻，然后耸耸肩。“我帮你。”
我冲他咧嘴一笑，既然有他帮忙，我对这个计划就更热心了。罗莎莉是挺叫人心烦的，不过看在爱美特的份上，我会永远感激她的；没人比我这个兄弟更仗义了。
爱美特用不着练习。在我们走进课室的时候，我就把他的台词低声告诉他了。
本已经坐进自己的位置，就在我后面那排，他正整理着自己的作业打算交上去。爱美特和我坐在一起，也在整理作业。课室里还没有完全静下来；人们在小声交谈，直到高尔夫人开口叫上
课为止。她这会儿还不急着上课，正批改着上节课的小测验。
“那么，”爱美特开口说道，他说话的声音根本没有必要这么响亮——如果他是真的只跟我一个人说话。“你已经邀请安吉拉?韦伯出去了吗？”
我身后纸张翻动的沙沙声突然停住了，本一下子僵在那儿，他的注意力完全被我们的谈话牢牢吸住了。
（安吉拉？他们在谈论安吉拉？）很好。我引起他的兴趣了。
“没有。”我说道，一边慢慢地摇了摇头，好让自己表现出遗憾的表情。
“为什么不呢？”爱美特临时加上一句台词。“你胆怯啦？”
我冲他做了个鬼脸。“才不是。我听说她对别人有意思。”
（爱德华?卡伦打算邀请安吉拉出去玩？可是……不。我不喜欢。我不想让他靠近她。他……不适合她。这不……安全。）我没有料到他那么有骑士风度，防御本能那么强。我本来以为他
会心生嫉妒呢。可管它产生什么呢。
“你就为这事儿放弃了？”爱美特轻蔑地问道，又临时拼凑了一句台词。“不打算跟别人竞争一下？”
我怒视他，可还是回应他的台词给出回答。“听着，我猜她真的很喜欢这个叫本的人。我不打算用别的办法让她回心转意。反正还有别的女孩嘛。”
坐在我身后那张椅子上的人的反应是大吃一惊。
“谁？”爱美特问道，又回到我事先编好的脚本上来。
“我的实验搭档说是一个姓切尼的家伙。我不肯定自己是不是认识他。”
我稍微敛起了笑容。在这所巴掌大的学校里，只有目中无人的卡伦一家才能成功伪装成不认识这儿的每一个学生。
本的头脑正因震惊而变得混乱。（我？赢了爱德华?卡伦？可为什么她会喜欢我？）“爱德华，”爱美特低语，嗓门压低一点了，他的眼睛往后面的男孩咕噜一转。“他就坐你后面呢。”
他用口型示意，可这太明显了，谁都能轻易读懂。
“噢。”我小声应了一句。
我从椅子上转过身去，朝我身后的男孩瞥了一眼。在这一瞬间，镜片后那双黑眼睛被吓住了，可紧接着他身子一硬，挺了挺他那瘦弱的肩膀，我那明显瞧不起人的打量让他感觉受了侮辱。
他的下巴一扬，因愤怒而涨红了脸，使得他那黄褐色的皮肤变得更暗了。
“啊哈。”我傲慢地说道，转回身去。
（他认为自己比我强。可安吉拉不这么想。我会让他见识见识的……）好极了。
“不过，你说她会不会带那只笨笨狗去参加舞会呢？”爱美特问道，当他说到那个男孩时，对他的笨手笨脚嗤之以鼻。
“很显然，这事儿得两厢情愿。”我想要确定这个本能清楚这一点。“安吉拉很害羞。要是本——呃，要是某个家伙没有勇气邀请她，她是永远不会开口问他的。”
“你就是喜欢害羞的女孩。”爱美特说道，又来即兴创作了。（那种不起眼的女孩。就像……呃，我也不清楚。也许像贝拉?斯旺那样的？）我冲他露齿一笑。“你说对了。”然后我回到
原来的角色。“也许安吉拉会厌倦继续等待。也许我可以邀请她参加舞会。”
（不，你不可以，）本想道，在椅子上直起了身子。（那么，她个子比我高很多那又怎么样呢？
如果她不在乎，那我也不在乎。她是这所学校里最善良、最聪明、最漂亮的女孩……还有，她喜欢我。）我喜欢这个本。他好像挺聪明的，心肠也好，也许他配得上像安吉拉的女孩。
当高尔夫人站起身向全班同学问好时，我在桌子底下给了爱美特一个大拇指。
（好吧，我承认——这确实挺好玩的，）爱美特想道。
我冲自己微笑，心里一阵高兴，因为我能够为一个爱情故事画上一个幸福的结局。我有信心这个本会坚持下去的，而安吉拉将收到我这份匿名礼物。我欠她的人情债还清了。
唉，人类是多么可笑呀，竟会让六英寸的身高差距打败他们的幸福。
我的成功给了我一个好心情。我又露出微笑，在椅子上安顿好，准备让自己好好乐一乐。毕竟，正如贝拉在午饭时指出的，我在此之前还从没见过她在体育课上的表现呢。
在体育馆那群闹哄哄的声音里，麦克的想法是最容易找到的。在过去几个星期里，我对他的思想已经熟得不能再熟啦。我叹了口气，还是打算通过他的眼睛来看。至少我能肯定他会注意到
贝拉。
我刚好听见他主动提出要成为她的羽毛球搭档；当他这么提议时，脑子里闪过其他搭档的名字。我的笑容逐渐消失了，牙齿咬在一起，我不得不提醒自己谋杀麦克?牛顿是不被法律允许的
。
“谢谢你，麦克——你知道吗，你用不着这么做。”
“别担心，我不会影响你的。”
他们彼此相视一笑，麦克又嗅到了机遇的味道，它正闪闪发光——当然它们总是跟贝拉有关联。
起初是麦克一个人打，而贝拉则站在球场的后面犹豫不决，一手紧握球拍，好像那是某种武器。然后克拉普教练溜达过来，命令麦克让贝拉打。
（喔喔，）麦克心里惨叫，这时贝拉长叹一声走上前，紧握住球拍，摆出一个笨拙的姿势。
珍妮弗?福特满心窃喜，一个球径直朝贝拉飞过去。麦克看见贝拉蹒跚地朝球扑过去，手里挥动着球拍，可显然毫无准头，于是他一个箭步冲上前，企图救回这一球。
我注意到贝拉手忙脚乱将那一拍挥出去的轨迹。果然，它打到网上去了，并且朝她反弹回去，砰地一声结结实实地打中了麦克的手臂，随后猛地撞上她的额头。
（喔。喔。天。肯定会留下淤痕。）贝拉揉着她的额头。我在位子上快坐不住了，她受了伤呀。可就算我在那儿，又能做什么呢？
而且好像伤得不重……我犹豫着，还在看着。要是她还打算继续打下去，我就只好捏造一个借口把她从这节课上拉走了。
教练笑了起来。“抱歉，牛顿。”（这女孩还真是个丧门星，真不该硬叫别人跟她组成一组……）他故意转身背对她，走开去看别的小组比赛，好让贝拉回到她之前扮演的旁观者角色。
（喔，）麦克心里又在惨叫，一边揉着他的胳膊。他转向贝拉。“你还好吧？”
“还好，你怎么样？”她羞怯地问道，脸都红了。
“我想我还能应付。”（别说得像个爱哭鬼一样。可是，妈呀，太疼了！）麦克甩了甩胳膊，疼得缩开了。
“我还是待在后面好了，”贝拉说道，她脸上的表情倒不怎么痛苦，反而充满尴尬和懊恼。也许麦克伤得比她重。我当然希望是这样啦。至少她用不着再玩了。她小心翼翼地把球拍背在身
后，眼睛里满是懊悔……我不得不用咳嗽来掩饰笑声。
（有什么好玩儿的？）爱美特想知道。
“稍后再告诉你。”我低声道。
贝拉没有再冒险加入比赛。教练彻底无视她，让麦克一个人打。
在那个小时的最后时段，我漫不经心地做完了小测验，于是高尔夫人让我提前下课。我一边穿过校园，一边专心地去听麦克。他决定向贝拉当面问清关于我的事。
（杰西卡断言他们在约会。为什么？干嘛他偏要看中她？）他没有认清这一事实——是她看中我。
“那么。”
“那么什么？”她疑惑地问道。
“你和卡伦，哈？”（你和那个怪胎。我猜，如果你是看中他有钱……）他这种低级的臆断让我把牙齿咬得格格响。
“这不关你的事，麦克。”
（瞧她一脸戒备。看来这事儿是真的了。狗屁。）“我不喜欢。”
“用不着你喜欢。”她厉声道。
（她怎么就没看出来他像个马戏团的小丑？他们全家都是那副德性。他盯着她看时的样子。
让我看了直打哆嗦。）“他看你时的样子……就像把你当成点心一样。”
我畏缩了，等着她回应。
她的脸蛋涨得通红，她的嘴唇紧抿，就好像她在憋住气一样。接着，突然，她唇瓣挤出几声冷笑。
（这会儿她正笑话我呢。好极了。）麦克转过身去，心里闷闷不乐的，打算走开找点别的事干。
我靠在体育馆的墙上，极力让自己平静下来。
她怎么能取笑麦克的指控呢——他的指责一语中的，让我开始担心福克斯人是不是都意识到什么了……她怎么能对我会杀死她这一指控还笑得出来，当她知道这是确凿的事实？这事儿有那
么幽默吗？
她脑子究竟有什么毛病啊？
她是不是有某种病态的幽默感呀？这不符合我所了解的她的性格，可我怎么能确定呢？又或许，我妄想的那个轻率的天使确实在某个方面存在着，因为她根本没有恐惧感。勇敢——这是另
一种说法。别的人可能会称之为愚蠢，可我知道她有多聪明。然而，不管是什么理由，这种恐惧感的欠缺或者是反常的幽默感对她来说都不是一件好事。会不会就是这种欠缺经常给她带来危险
呢？也许她会一直需要我留在这儿……我的情绪冷不丁变得高昂起来。
如果我能管好自己，确保我是安全的，那么或许我留在她身边就成了一件好事。
当她从体育馆门口走出来时，她的肩膀僵硬，又用牙齿咬住下唇——一个焦虑的标记。可当她的眼睛一看见我，她那僵硬的肩膀一下子就放松下来，脸上绽开了灿烂的笑容。奇怪的是，她
的表情很平和。她毫不犹豫地朝我这边走过来，在离我很近的地方停下，她挨得那么近，以致从她身上散发的体热犹如波浪一般朝我席卷过来。
“嗨。”她低声道。
这一刻我再次感受到前所未有的快乐。
“你好，”我说道，接着——因为我的心情突然变得太轻松了，让我忍不住要去取笑她——我加上一句。“体育课上得怎么样？”
她的笑容有些勉强。“挺好。”
她真是个蹩脚的撒谎者。
“真的吗？”我问道，正打算逼问出实情——我还是不放心她的头，她现在还疼吗？——可紧接着麦克?牛顿脑子里刺耳的声音打断了我的注意力，他正在想我们的事。
（我恨他。我巴不得他死掉。我恨不得他开着那辆闪亮亮的汽车从悬崖摔下去。为什么他不能离她远点？就跟他的同类待在一块儿好了——跟那些怪胎。）“怎么了？”贝拉询问。
我的眼睛回到她脸上。她看着麦克渐行渐远的背影，然后又回到我身上。
“牛顿让我感到有点不安。”我承认道。
她的嘴巴张开了，然后脸上的微笑消失了。“你不会又在偷听吧？”
“你的头没事吧？”
“你真是让人难以置信！”她从牙缝里挤出这句话，然后转身离开我，迈开大步气冲冲地走向停车场。她脸上通红通红的——她窘极了。
我合着她的脚步跟上去，一心盼望她的怒火能赶快过去。她通常很快就会原谅我的。
“是你说我从没见过你在体育馆时的样子的，”我解释道，“你的话让我很好奇。”
她没有回话；两道眉毛揪在一起。
到了停车场，她突然停下脚步，她看见我车前面那条路被一大群男生堵住了。
（我想知道有了这玩意儿它到底能开多快……看看这个SMG 拨片换挡键。我还从没在杂志以外的地方见过呢。
车身酷毙了。
真希望我也能有6 万块钱来装扮自己的车……）这就是为什么罗莎莉最好在镇外才开她这辆车。
我拨开这群垂涎欲滴的男生走向我的车；贝拉迟疑了一秒钟，也跟着我做。
“太招摇了。”当她坐进来时，我嘀咕了一句。
“那是辆什么车？”她询问。
“一辆M3。”
她皱了皱眉。“我不懂《名车志》上的术语。”
“是一辆宝马。”我转了转眼睛，然后小心翼翼地在不压倒人的情况下把车子倒出来。我不得不把目光锁定在几个男生身上，他们似乎很不情愿给我让路。但过不了半秒钟我的目光就让他
们乖乖听话了。
“你还在生气？”我问她道。她的眉头还在紧锁着。
“当然。”她简洁的回答。
我叹了口气。也许我是不该揭她疮疤的。噢，那好吧。我猜我能想出补救办法的。“要是我道歉的话，你会原谅我吗？”
她想了一会儿。“也许吧……如果你是真心的话，”她打定主意，“不过你要保证以后再也不这样了。”
我不打算对她撒谎，可要我照她说的去做，我可办不到。也许我能给她提供另外一个交换条件。
“要是我是真心的，而且还答应周六让你开车呢？”一想到这，我就打了个哆嗦。
她皱起眉头，考虑着我这个新提议。“成交。”她想了一会儿后说道 .
收听单词发音 |
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tenor
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| n.男高音（歌手），次中音（乐器），要旨，大意 | |
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yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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wasteful
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| adj.（造成）浪费的，挥霍的 | |
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valid
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| adj.有确实根据的；有效的；正当的，合法的 | |
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sifted
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| v.筛( sift的过去式和过去分词 )；筛滤；细查；详审 | |
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stymied
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| n.被侵袭的v.妨碍，阻挠( stymie的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vampire
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| n.吸血鬼 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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minimal
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| adj.尽可能少的，最小的 | |
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override
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| vt.不顾，不理睬，否决；压倒，优先于 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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peek
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| vi.偷看，窥视；n.偷偷的一看，一瞥 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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fluorescent
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| adj.荧光的，发出荧光的 | |
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scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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flexing
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| n.挠曲，可挠性v.屈曲( flex的现在分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌 | |
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chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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underneath
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| adj.在...下面，在...底下；adv.在下面 | |
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crease
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| n.折缝，褶痕，皱褶；v.(使)起皱 | |
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tactile
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| adj.触觉的，有触觉的，能触知的 | |
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juggle
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| v.变戏法，纂改，欺骗，同时做；n.玩杂耍，纂改，花招 | |
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goblets
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| n.高脚酒杯( goblet的名词复数 ) | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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mingled
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| 混合，混入( mingle的过去式和过去分词 )； 混进，与…交往[联系] | |
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tingling
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| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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flexed
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| adj.[医]曲折的，屈曲v.屈曲( flex的过去式和过去分词 )；弯曲；（为准备大干而）显示实力；摩拳擦掌 | |
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savor
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| vt.品尝，欣赏；n.味道，风味；情趣，趣味 | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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chaos
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| n.混乱，无秩序 | |
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distraction
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| n.精神涣散，精神不集中，消遣，娱乐 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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appraising
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| v.估价( appraise的现在分词 )；估计；估量；评价 | |
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rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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riveted
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| 铆接( rivet的过去式和过去分词 )； 把…固定住； 吸引； 引起某人的注意 | |
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improvised
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| a.即席而作的,即兴的 | |
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grimaced
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| v.扮鬼相，做鬼脸( grimace的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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50
chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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improvising
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| 即兴创作（improvise的现在分词形式） | |
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52
haughty
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| adj.傲慢的，高傲的 | |
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stiffened
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| 加强的 | |
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54
affronted
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| adj.被侮辱的，被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 )；相遇 | |
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55
disparaging
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| adj.轻蔑的，毁谤的v.轻视( disparage的现在分词 )；贬低；批评；非难 | |
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evaluation
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| n.估价，评价；赋值 | |
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arrogantly
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| adv.傲慢地 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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improvisation
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| n.即席演奏(或演唱)；即兴创作 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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pinpoint
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| vt.准确地确定；用针标出…的精确位置 | |
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babble
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| v.含糊不清地说，胡言乱语地说，儿语 | |
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liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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Ford
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| n.浅滩，水浅可涉处；v.涉水，涉过 | |
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lurch
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| n.突然向前或旁边倒；v.蹒跚而行 | |
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trajectory
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| n.弹道，轨道 | |
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spun
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| v.纺，杜撰，急转身 | |
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resounding
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| adj. 响亮的 | |
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bruise
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| n.青肿，挫伤；伤痕；vt.打青；挫伤 | |
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inflict
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| vt.(on)把…强加给，使遭受，使承担 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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massaging
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| 按摩，推拿( massage的现在分词 ) | |
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wincing
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| 赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的现在分词 ) | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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chagrin
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| n.懊恼；气愤；委屈 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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gritted
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| v.以沙砾覆盖（某物），撒沙砾于( grit的过去式和过去分词 )；咬紧牙关 | |
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giggle
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| n.痴笑，咯咯地笑；v.咯咯地笑着说 | |
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sullen
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| adj.愠怒的，闷闷不乐的，(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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daydream
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| v.做白日梦，幻想 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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precedent
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| n.先例，前例；惯例；adj.在前的，在先的 | |
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calamitous
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| adj.灾难的，悲惨的；多灾多难；惨重 | |
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utilized
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| v.利用，使用( utilize的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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lustful
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| a.贪婪的；渴望的 | |
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curtly
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| adv.简短地 | |
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furrow
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| n.沟；垄沟；轨迹；车辙；皱纹 | |
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persuasive
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| adj.有说服力的，能说得使人相信的 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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monstrous
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| adj.巨大的；恐怖的；可耻的，丢脸的 | |
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preposterous
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| adj.荒谬的，可笑的 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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banish
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| vt.放逐，驱逐；消除，排除 | |
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dominion
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| n.统治，管辖，支配权；领土，版图 | |
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spike
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| n.长钉，钉鞋；v.以大钉钉牢，使...失效 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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ragged
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| adj.衣衫褴褛的，粗糙的，刺耳的 | |
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rhythmic
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| adj.有节奏的，有韵律的 | |
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108
cadence
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| n.（说话声调的）抑扬顿挫 | |
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109
immortality
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| n.不死，不朽 | |
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craved
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| 渴望，热望( crave的过去式 )； 恳求，请求 | |
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microscopic
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| adj.微小的，细微的，极小的，显微的 | |
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112
solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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113
conjectures
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| 推测，猜想( conjecture的名词复数 ) | |
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114
puckered
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| v.（使某物）起褶子或皱纹( pucker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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