CHAPTER XVI.—A MAN'S RESOLVE.

How to tell John William when he came home, that was the prime difficulty in the mind of Arabella. Tell him she must, as soon as ever he got in. She felt it of importance that he should hear the news first from herself, and not, for example, from their mother. But it was going to be a very disagreeable duty; more so, indeed, than she ever could have dreamt, until Missy herself warned her, almost with her last words, at the slip-rails. Missy had opened her eyes for her during those few final minutes. Till then she had suspected nothing between her brother and the girl. And now the case seemed so clear and so inevitable¹ that her chief cause for wonderment lay in her own previous want of perception. It made her very nervous, however, with the news still to break to John William. She wished that he would make haste home. He had ridden off early in the afternoon to look up another young farmer several miles distant; not that he wanted to see anyone at all, but because he was ill at ease and anxious to be out of Missy's way, as Arabella now made sure. But poor Missy! And poor John William! Would they ever see each other again? She hoped not. Her heart grieved for them both, but she hoped not. No woman, being also a sister of the man concerned, could know about another woman what Arabella now knew against Missy, and hope otherwise. And the state of her own feelings in the matter was her uppermost trouble, when at last John William trotted² his mare³ into the yard, and Arabella followed him into the stable.

Then and there she hurriedly told all. Her great dread⁴ was that their mother might appear on the scene and tell it in her way. But the attitude of the man greatly astonished Arabella. He took the news so coolly—but that was not it. He seemed not at all agitated⁵ to hear what Missy was, and who she was not, but very much so on learning how summarily she had been sent about her business. He said very little even then, but Arabella knew that he was trembling all over as he unsaddled the mare.

"My heart bled for the poor thing," she added, speaking the simple truth. "It would have bled even if she hadn't done more for me than ever I can tell anybody. I was thankful I went after her, and saw the last of her at the rails——"

"Which way did she go?"

"To the township to begin with; but she gave me——"

"Which way did she mean to go—straight back to Melbourne?"

"She didn't say. I was going on to tell you that at the slip-rails she gave me some messages for you, John William."

"We will have them afterwards. Let us go in to supper now."

"Very well—but stay! Are you prepared for mother? She is dreadful about it; she makes it even worse than it is."

"I am prepared for anything. I shall not open my mouth."

Nor did he; but the provocation⁶ was severe. Mrs. Teesdale was glad of an opportunity of rehearsing the whole story from beginning to end. This enabled her to decide what epithets⁷ were too weak for the occasion, and what names were as nearly bad enough for Missy as any that a respectable woman could lay her tongue to; also, by what she now said, this excellent woman strengthened her own rather recent convictions that she had "suspected something of the kind" about Missy from the very first. Certainly she had felt a strong antipathetic instinct from the very first. Quite as certainly she had now just cause for righteous rage and desires the most vindictive⁸. Yet there was not one of those three, her nearest, who did not feel a fresh spasm⁹ of pain at each violent word, because every one of them, save the wife and mother, had some secret cause to think softly of the godless girl who was gone, and to look back upon her more in pity than in blame.

For sadness, Mr. Teesdale was the saddest of them all. He crept to his bed a shaken old man, and had to listen to his wife until he thought she must break his heart. Meantime Arabella and John William foregathered in the latter's room, and talked in whispers in order not to wake two old people who had neither of them closed an eye.

"About those messages," said John William. "What were they?"

He was sitting on the edge of his bed, and he pared a cake of tobacco as he spoke¹⁰. His wideawake lay on the quilt beside him, and he had not taken off his boots. Arabella stood uneasily.

"Poor girl! she spoke about you a good deal just at the last."

Arabella hesitated.

"I want to know what she said," observed John William dryly.

"Well, first she was sorry you weren't there."

"If I had been she never should have gone like that!"

"What, not when everything had come out——"

"No, not at all; she shouldn't have been kicked out, anyway. I'd have given her time and then driven her back to Melbourne, with all her things. What right have we with them, I should like to know?"

"She wanted us to keep them, she——"

"Wanted us! I'd have let her want, if I'd been here. However, go on. She was sorry I wasn't there, was she?"

"Well, at first she said so, but in a little while she told me that she was glad. And after that she said I didn't know how glad she was for you never to set eyes on her again!"

"Never's a long time," muttered John William.

"Did she explain herself?" he added, as loud as they ventured to speak.

"Y—yes." Arabella was hesitating.

"Then out with it!"

"She told me—it can't be true, but yet she did tell me—that you—fancied yourself in love with her, John William!"

"It isn't true."

"Thank God for that!"

"Stop a moment. Not so fast, my girl! It isn't true—because there's no fancy at all about it, d'ye see?"

Arabella saw. It was written and painted all over his lined yet glowing face; but where there could be least mistake about it was in his eyes. They were ablaze¹¹ with love—with love for a woman who had neither name, honour, nor common purity. He could not know this. But Arabella knew all, and it was her business—nay, her solemn undertaking—to repeat all that she knew to John William.

"I was told," she faltered¹², "what to say to you if you said that."

"Who told you?"

"She did—Missy."

"Then say it right out."

But that was difficult between brother and sister. At first he refused to understand, and then he refused to believe.

"It's a lie!" he cried hoarsely¹³. "I don't believe a word of it!"

"And do you suppose I would make it up? Upon my sacred honour, John William, it is only what she told me with her own——"

"I know that; it's her lie—I never meant it was yours. No, no, it's Missy's lie to choke me off. But it shan't! No, by Heaven, and it shouldn't if it were the living truth!"

There was no more to be said. The man knew that, and he relit the pipe, which he had scarcely tasted, without looking at the sister whom he had silenced. Presently he said in a perfectly¹⁴ passionless voice, coming back from the unspeakable to a point which it was possible to discuss:

"About those things of hers—all her clothes. Did you say that she wanted us to keep them? And if so, why?"

"Because," said Arabella with some reluctance¹⁵, "they were bought with money which—as she said herself—she had obtained from father on false pretences¹⁶."

It may have been because he was now quite calm outwardly, but at this the man winced¹⁷ more visibly than at what had come out before.

"From father," he repeated at length; "he couldn't let her have much, anyway!"

"He let her have twenty pounds."

"Never; the bank wouldn't let him have it."

"The bank didn't; he got it on his watch."

"On the watch that's—mending?"

The truth flashed across him before the words were out. Arabella nodded her head, and her brother bowed his in trouble.

"Yes, that's bad," said he, as though nothing else had been. "There's no denying it, that is bad." It was a thing he could realise; that was why he took it thus disproportionately to heart.

"Surely it is all bad together!" said Arabella. John William spent some minutes in a study of the bare boards by his bedside.

"Where do you think she went to?" he said at last, looking up.

"I have no idea."

"Have you told me all that she said? She didn't—she didn't send any other messages?" It was wistfully asked.

"No, none; but she did tell me how she hopes and prays that you will never give her another thought. She declares she has never given a single thought to you. It is true, too, I am sure."

"We shall see—we shall see. So you have no idea where she went? She gave you no hint of any sort or kind?"

"None whatever."

"She has gone back to Melbourne, think you?"

"I don't know where else she could go to."

"No more do I," said John William, rising from the bed at last. He opened the window softly and looked out into the night. "No more do I see where else she could go to," he whispered over again. Then he turned round to Arabella. She was watching him closely. Neither of them spoke. But John William picked his wideawake from off the bed and jammed it over his brows. Then he took a pair of spurs from the drawers-head and dropped them into his coat pocket. Then he faced Arabella afresh.

"Do you know what I am going to do?"

"I can guess. You are going to ride into Melbourne and look for Missy."

"I am—and now, at once. I'm going out by that window. Don't shut it, because I shall be back before milking, and shall come in the same way I get out."

"But you'll never see her, John William; you'll never see her," said Arabella in misery¹⁸. "It'll be like hunting for a needle in a haystack!"

"You may always find the needle—there is always a chance. For me, if half of what she told you has a word of truth in it I shall have a better chance by night than by day. It can't be much after eleven now, and I guess I shall do it to-night in half an hour."

"But if you don't see her?"

"Then I shall have another try to-morrow night—and another the next—and another the night after that. There are plenty of horses in the paddock; there are some that haven't been ridden this long time, and some that nobody can ride but me. The mare will have to sweat for it to-night, but not after to-night. Only look here. I shall be found out sooner or later, then there will be a row, and you know who'll make it. You'll let it be later, won't you,'Bella, so far as you're concerned?"

"You must know that I will!"

"Then bless you, my dear, and good night."

They had seldom kissed since they were little children. They were both of them over thirty now, in respect of mere¹⁹ years. But with his beard tickling²⁰ the woman's cheek, the man whispered, "You said that she had done something for you, too, you know!"

And the woman answered, "Something more than I can ever tell any of you. You little know what I might have come to, but for Missy. Yet what are you to do with her, poor Jack²¹, if you do find her?"

And the man said, "Make her good again, so help me God!"

1 inevitable   

adj.不可避免的，必然发生的

参考例句：

• Mary was wearing her inevitable large hat.玛丽戴着她总是戴的那顶大帽子。
• The defeat had inevitable consequences for British policy.战败对英国政策不可避免地产生了影响。

2 trotted   

小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走

参考例句：

• She trotted her pony around the field. 她骑着小马绕场慢跑。
• Anne trotted obediently beside her mother. 安妮听话地跟在妈妈身边走。

3 mare   

n.母马，母驴

参考例句：

• The mare has just thrown a foal in the stable.那匹母马刚刚在马厩里产下了一只小马驹。
• The mare foundered under the heavy load and collapsed in the road.那母马因负载过重而倒在路上。

4 dread   

vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧

参考例句：

• We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
• Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。

5 agitated   

adj.被鼓动的，不安的

参考例句：

• His answers were all mixed up,so agitated was he.他是那样心神不定，回答全乱了。
• She was agitated because her train was an hour late.她乘坐的火车晚点一个小时，她十分焦虑。

6 provocation   

n.激怒，刺激，挑拨，挑衅的事物，激怒的原因

参考例句：

• He's got a fiery temper and flares up at the slightest provocation.他是火爆性子，一点就着。
• They did not react to this provocation.他们对这一挑衅未作反应。

7 epithets   

n.（表示性质、特征等的）词语( epithet的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• He insulted me, using rude epithets. 他用粗话诅咒我。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He cursed me, using a lot of rude epithets. 他用上许多粗鲁的修饰词来诅咒我。 来自辞典例句

8 vindictive   

adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的

参考例句：

• I have no vindictive feelings about it.我对此没有恶意。
• The vindictive little girl tore up her sister's papers.那个充满报复心的小女孩撕破了她姐姐的作业。

9 spasm   

n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作

参考例句：

• When the spasm passed,it left him weak and sweating.一阵痉挛之后，他虚弱无力，一直冒汗。
• He kicked the chair in a spasm of impatience.他突然变得不耐烦，一脚踢向椅子。

10 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

11 ablaze   

adj.着火的，燃烧的；闪耀的，灯火辉煌的

参考例句：

• The main street was ablaze with lights in the evening.晚上，那条主要街道灯火辉煌。
• Forests are sometimes set ablaze by lightning.森林有时因雷击而起火。

12 faltered   

（嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃

参考例句：

• He faltered out a few words. 他支吾地说出了几句。
• "Er - but he has such a longhead!" the man faltered. 他不好意思似的嚅嗫着：“这孩子脑袋真长。”

13 hoarsely   

adv.嘶哑地

参考例句：

• "Excuse me," he said hoarsely. “对不起。”他用嘶哑的嗓子说。
• Jerry hoarsely professed himself at Miss Pross's service. 杰瑞嘶声嘶气地表示愿为普洛丝小姐效劳。 来自英汉文学 - 双城记

14 perfectly   

adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地

参考例句：

• The witnesses were each perfectly certain of what they said.证人们个个对自己所说的话十分肯定。
• Everything that we're doing is all perfectly above board.我们做的每件事情都是光明正大的。

15 reluctance   

n.厌恶，讨厌，勉强，不情愿

参考例句：

• The police released Andrew with reluctance.警方勉强把安德鲁放走了。
• He showed the greatest reluctance to make a reply.他表示很不愿意答复。

16 pretences   

n.假装( pretence的名词复数 )；作假；自命；自称

参考例句：

• You've brought your old friends out here under false pretences. 你用虚假的名义把你的那些狐朋狗党带到这里来。 来自英汉文学 - 嘉莉妹妹
• There are no pretences about him. 他一点不虚伪。 来自辞典例句

17 winced   

赶紧避开，畏缩( wince的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He winced as the dog nipped his ankle. 狗咬了他的脚腕子，疼得他龇牙咧嘴。
• He winced as a sharp pain shot through his left leg. 他左腿一阵剧痛疼得他直龇牙咧嘴。

18 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。

19 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

20 tickling   

反馈，回授，自旋挠痒法

参考例句：

• Was It'spring tickling her senses? 是不是春意撩人呢？
• Its origin is in tickling and rough-and-tumble play, he says. 他说，笑的起源来自于挠痒痒以及杂乱无章的游戏。

21 jack   

n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克

参考例句：

• I am looking for the headphone jack.我正在找寻头戴式耳机插孔。
• He lifted the car with a jack to change the flat tyre.他用千斤顶把车顶起来换下瘪轮胎。