It is quite impossible, however ignorant you may be of the causes of it, to live in the close presence of a person devoured9 by anxiety without being infected by it, more or less. One gets curious and excited, you know, in spite of one’s self; and all the more, of course, if the cause is quite inexplicable10 and the trouble sudden. I lived in the kind of feeling that you have just immediately before a thunderstorm—the air all of a hush11, so that you could hear the faintest stir of a bird, or rustle of a branch, yet never knowing the moment when, instead of the bird’s motion or the leaves’ tremble, it might be the thunder itself that clamoured in your ears.
In this condition of mind Sara’s little side reference to Carson, and my sister’s acquaintance with everything that passed, did not fail to have its effect upon me, as well as other things. I don’t know that I would have been above questioning Carson if I could have got at her; but I did not see her once in three months, and could not have had any conversation with her without making quite an affair of it, and letting all the house know. Carson was not her right name. She had been Sarah’s maid when she was a young girl, and had married and lost her husband, and come back to the Park just in time to go abroad with her mistress, and being well known in the house by her maiden12 name, never got any other. I could not help wondering within myself if she knew, or how much she knew, of Sarah’s trouble, and its cause, whatever that might be. When the thought rose in my mind whether I might not try to get to private speech of Carson, I was out in the grounds{121} making a little survey, to see how everything was looking for spring, and had just been at the lodge13 to see poor little Mary, who (as I had foreseen from the beginning) was bad with the whooping-cough, but no worse than was to be expected, and nothing alarming or out of the way. The carriage had just gone up to take Sarah out for her drive, and I, all in shelter of a clump14 of holly15 bushes, became the witness, quite unawares and without any intention, of a most singular scene. A footstep went softly by me upon the gravel16. I was just behind the lodge, and within sight of the gate and the road without. I saw Carson, in her cap and in-doors dress, go softly out at the gate. She went out into the road, pretending to hold out her hand and raise her face to see whether it rained; as if it were not perfectly17 clear to any one that it did not rain, nor would, either, till the glass fell. She looked up and down with an anxious look, and lingered five minutes or more in that same position. Then she came in, and met the carriage just inside the gate, which Williams had come to her cottage door to open. “All’s quite bright and clear, ma’am,” I heard Carson say; “no appearance of rain. I hope you’ll have a pleasant drive.” A moment after the carriage wheeled quickly out, the blind being drawn18 down just as it turned into the road. Carson stood looking after it with a kind of grieved, compassionate19 expression, which made me like her better. She answered Williams’ question, “Whatever had come over Miss Sarah to make her so particklar about the weather; in the carriage, too, as she wouldn’t be none the wiser, wet nor dry!” very shortly, sighed, and turned to go back, mincing20 with true lady’s-maid nicety, along the road. The sigh and the pitying look on her face determined me. I took a quick step through the bushes and came up to her. The holly branches tore a bit of trimming, as long as my finger, off my garden hood21 (I think a hood a great deal more suitable than a hat for a person of my years); but I did not mind. Here was a chance if I could only use it well.
“Carson,” said I, not to give her time to think, “my sister has surely grown very fidgety of late?”
Carson stared at me in an alarmed, confused way; but soon got back her self-possession. “My missis was always a bit fidgety, ma’am, though no more than she had a right to be,” said this one real, true, faithful adherent22, whom Sarah had secured to her cause.
“I don’t know about such rights,” said I. “Now tell me, Carson;—you know a great deal more about her than I do.{122} Don’t you think I can see how nervous and disturbed she is?—what’s the matter with my sister? what is she afraid of? and what do you and she expect to see upon the road, that you go out to look that the way is clear, before she ventures beyond the gate? Don’t tell me about rain, I know better; what did you expect to see?”
Carson was taken entirely23 by surprise; she faltered24, she grew red, she wrung25 her hands; she stammered26 forth27 something quite unintelligible28, consisting of exclamations29.—“Ma’am! Miss Milly!” and “My missis!” all confused and run into each other. She had no time to invent anything; and her fright and nervousness for the moment quite betrayed her.
“I don’t want you to be false to your mistress,” said I, getting excited, in my turn, at finding myself so near a clue to this mystery, as I thought. “I don’t want you to tell me her secret, if she has one—only let me know. Is there some danger apprehended30? Is there some one in the country that Sarah is afraid to see? What is wrong? Her limbs are trembling under her, and her face growing thinner. Only think of her going out with the blinds down, poor forlorn soul; What is wrong? It would mend matters, somehow, if I knew.”
“Miss Milly,” said Carson, with a great many little coughs and clearings of her throat, “my missis has an attack on her nerves, that’s what it is; when she haves them attacks, she grows fidgety, as you say, ma’am. A little nice strengthening medicine, now, or a change of air, would be a nice thing. I said that to my missis just this very morning. I said ‘A few months at Brighton, now, or such like, would do you a world of good, ma’am.’ It’s on her nerves, that’s what it is.”
Carson had got quite glib31 and fluent before she ended this speech; the difficulty had only been how to begin.
“Now, Carson!” cried I, “if your mistress’s health suffers, and it turns out to be something you could have told me, you may be certain I shall call you to account for it. Think what you are saying. We Mortimers never have nervous attacks. I know you’re deceiving me. Think again. Will you tell me what is wrong?”
“Ma’am, Miss Milly, it’s an attack on the nerves,” cried Carson; “my missis has had them before. I couldn’t say more if I was to talk till to-morrow. I’ve got my caps to see to, I ask your pardon;—my missis is very particular about her caps.”{123}
Upon which Carson somehow managed to elude32 me, with a mixture of firmness and cunning quite extraordinary; and while I had still my eyes fixed33 on her, and was calling her to stay with all the authority of my position as acting34 mistress of the house, contrived35 to melt in at a back door and escape out of my hands, I never could explain how. Talk about controlling people with your eye, and swaying them by force of character, and all that! I defy anybody to sway a servant in a great house who is trained to the sort of thing, and knows how to recollect36 her work at a critical moment, and the nearest way to the back stairs. Carson had proved herself too many for me.
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1
ferment
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| vt.使发酵；n./vt.（使）激动，（使）动乱 | |
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aggravate
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| vt.加重(剧)，使恶化；激怒，使恼火 | |
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3
watchful
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| adj.注意的，警惕的 | |
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4
rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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5
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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8
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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9
devoured
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| 吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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10
inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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11
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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12
maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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13
lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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14
clump
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| n.树丛，草丛；vi.用沉重的脚步行走 | |
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15
holly
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| n.[植]冬青属灌木 | |
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16
gravel
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| n.砂跞；砂砾层；结石 | |
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17
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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18
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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19
compassionate
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| adj.有同情心的，表示同情的 | |
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20
mincing
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| adj.矫饰的；v.切碎；切碎 | |
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21
hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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22
adherent
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| n.信徒，追随者，拥护者 | |
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23
entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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24
faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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25
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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26
stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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27
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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28
unintelligible
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| adj.无法了解的，难解的，莫明其妙的 | |
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29
exclamations
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| n.呼喊( exclamation的名词复数 )；感叹；感叹语；感叹词 | |
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30
apprehended
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| 逮捕，拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 )； 理解 | |
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31
glib
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| adj.圆滑的，油嘴滑舌的 | |
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32
elude
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| v.躲避，困惑 | |
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33
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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34
acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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35
contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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36
recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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