But she sat out all the lengthy21 lingering hours of that evening, after dinner, for they departed from their usual customs at that time, and dined late out of compliment to Harry22. We did try to talk a little, but Aunt Milly’s thoughts were all astray upon one subject, and she was continually breaking off in abrupt23 conclusions which irresistibly24 suggested the engrossing25 matter which she dared not enter upon. Miss Mortimer, meanwhile, attempted to read her Times; but whether it was that the rustle26 of the paper betrayed the trembling of her hands, or that her mind was unfit for reading anything, she soon laid the paper by, and resumed her pretence27 of working. You may suppose that Harry and I were not very much at our ease in this strange position of affairs. Almost everything that was said among us suggested a something which could not be said, yet which occupied everybody’s thoughts. Aunt Milly sat flushed and troubled opposite to her sister; her distressed28 perplexed29 look, the look of one totally at a loss and unable to offer any explanation even to herself; her glances, sometimes directing me to look at Miss Mortimer, sometimes appealing to me in vain for some suggestion which could throw light upon the subject, were enough of themselves to betray to any stranger the existence of some secret unhappiness in the house. Harry, who was not so much in Aunt Milly’s confidence as I was, kept appealing to me on the other side. What was it all about? I never wished so fervently30 for the conclusion of a day as I did for that; and yet there must be some extraordinary fascination in watching one’s fellow-creatures. I should not like to get{296} fairly into that dreadful inhuman32 occupation which people called studying character. But I was so curious about Miss Mortimer that I could almost have liked to follow her to her own room, and watch, when she was no longer on her guard against other people, how she would look and what she would do. Would she faint, or cry out, or dash herself against the floor? or was she so accustomed to that dreadful secresy that she would not betray herself even to herself? She must have lived that dreadful hidden life, and locked up all she knew in her own breast for a lifetime; for a longer lifetime than mine.
“I wonder,” said Henry, when we were alone that evening, “what sort of a person this Miss Mortimer is. Something’s wrong clearly. I suspect there must be something in the old lady’s life which will not bear the light of day.”
“What makes you think so?” said I.
“The t’other old lady and you play into each other’s hands,” cried Harry; “you know more about it than you choose to tell. But of course you are right enough if it is somebody else’s secret; only recollect33, Milly, I am very glad you should be an heiress; I am extremely glad you will have a house to receive you while I am away, and that come what may, that little beggar is provided for; but look here, if there’s another relation nearer than you, legitimate34 or illegitimate, I won’t stand by and see him wronged.”
“Harry, tell me what you mean,” cried I.
Harry looked at me a little indignantly; he thought I knew more than he did, and was trifling with him. “Milly, who is that fellow Luigi?” he said at last.
“I make dreadful guesses,” said I, “but I cannot tell. Aunt Milly knows nothing about him. The only idea she can form is that he may be her father’s son.”
Harry gave a long, half amazed, incredulous whistle, and turned away. He could scarcely believe me. Then I told him all I had heard, and something of what I had guessed. We did not converse35 plainly about this guess, which he had evidently jumped at as well as myself. A secret held with such dreadful tenacity36 was not a thing to be lightly discussed; but we both felt the same on the subject, only Harry’s mind took a more charitable view of it than I did. They say we are always harder on guilty women than men are; perhaps it is natural. I felt an abhorrence37 rise within me which I could neither overcome nor disguise at the idea of a woman, and especially a woman in such a position as Miss Mortimer, having lived a pretended life of honour and innocence38 all these years, with{297} that guilt19 in her mind which nobody knew but she; and now of her sacrificing and disowning nature to keep up that dreadful sham39. I can understand people meeting death rather than disgrace; that is, I mean I could understand how one would rather hear that those whom one loves should die than disgrace themselves; but I don’t understand an insane struggle against the disgrace which one has deserved. That is not a noble struggle, so far as I can see; the only way of existing through such dreadful circumstances would be by enduring it; and all the same whether it was a woman or a man. I do think it is a shame to speak as some people speak on this subject, as if the disgrace were all; as if all the harm was not done when the wrong was done, whether disgrace came or no!
“I’ll tell you what, Milly,” said Harry, “I must say I think it’s very hard the poor old lady should lose her good name for something that happened an age ago. No doubt, by what we saw to-day, she must have set her poor old heart upon resisting and denying it, as foolish people always try to do. Now, you know, that’s evidently of no use. Of course a mere40 statement of any such claim having been made, is enough to finish Miss Mortimer, with all the gossips of the county, whether it was proved or not. Now I shan’t be here for long, and as they seem disposed to be so very kind to you——”
“Don’t, Harry!”
“But I must,” said he. “It will be no end of consolation41 to me to think of you in these pretty rooms which Miss Milly has already prepared for you. If I can do them a good turn before I go, I will, you may depend upon it. As soon as we return to Chester I’ll see Luigi; and if it can be got out of him what he wants, I shall certainly make an effort to have him satisfied, and Miss Mortimer left unmolested. It would not do if sins of thirty years standing42 were to be brought against people in this way. Why, anybody might be thrown into sudden shame on such a principle; and you women, you know, are so vindictive43 and all that——”
“Oh, yes! I know,” said I, “and will always be vindictive all the same. Imagine this woman standing side by side with Aunt Milly, and considered as spotless as she; imagine such a long cruel abominable44 sin, and no retribution overtaking it! Oh, you may be pitiful if you like, but it disgusts me.”
Harry laughed. “I should be surprised if it did not disgust you, Milly darling,” he said, “but poetic45 justice is exploded now-a-days. I don’t suppose Luigi can be very anxious for her personal affection, considering how she seems to have behaved;{298} and, indeed, to be sure he would be fully46 more disgraced than she. How many days are we to be here? I shall see him whenever we return to Chester.”
“Three days longer,” said I, with a sigh. “Somehow this little visit to the Park had come to look like a little barrier between me and what was coming. Presently we should go back to Chester, and then——”
Harry understood my sigh. He repeated the very words I was saying in my mind. “And then——” said Harry, “and then, darling, to see which of us two is bravest! But it will come hardest upon you, my poor little wife.”
“Harry,” cried I, “don’t speak!” and I went away, and would have no more of such talk. It was enough that it was coming; it would be enough when it came.
Perhaps the last few words of this conversation were not the best preparation possible for sleep. I know I awoke a great many times during that long dark night, and once in its deepest darkness and stillness I fancied I heard a groan47 faintly sounding through the wall. Miss Mortimer’s rooms were near ours. This sound set all my imagination busy again. It was she who groaned48 under that veil of night. She, so dreadfully on her guard all day long, who relieved her miserable heart thus when nobody watched her. It was impossible not to feel excited in the neighbourhood of such mysterious secrecy49. The sound of that groan moved me to pity;—she had not escaped without retribution. Was not that dread31 of the consequences under which she was suffering, worse than the very hardest shape the consequences were likely to assume, if they themselves ever overtook the sinner?
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1
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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distressing
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| a.使人痛苦的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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relic
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| n.神圣的遗物，遗迹，纪念物 | |
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incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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rigidly
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| adv.刻板地，僵化地 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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8
tragical
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| adj. 悲剧的, 悲剧性的 | |
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dismal
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| adj.阴沉的，凄凉的，令人忧郁的，差劲的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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13
revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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transcending
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| 超出或超越（经验、信念、描写能力等）的范围( transcend的现在分词 )； 优于或胜过… | |
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unnatural
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| adj.不自然的；反常的 | |
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virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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exertions
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| n.努力( exertion的名词复数 )；费力；（能力、权力等的）运用；行使 | |
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lengthy
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| adj.漫长的，冗长的 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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irresistibly
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| adv.无法抵抗地，不能自持地；极为诱惑人地 | |
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engrossing
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| adj.使人全神贯注的，引人入胜的v.使全神贯注( engross的现在分词 ) | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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pretence
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| n.假装，作假；借口，口实；虚伪；虚饰 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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32
inhuman
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| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
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recollect
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| v.回忆，想起，记起，忆起，记得 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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converse
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| vi.谈话，谈天，闲聊；adv.相反的，相反 | |
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36
tenacity
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| n.坚韧 | |
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abhorrence
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| n.憎恶；可憎恶的事 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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sham
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| n./adj.假冒(的)，虚伪(的) | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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42
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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43
vindictive
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| adj.有报仇心的，怀恨的，惩罚的 | |
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44
abominable
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| adj.可厌的，令人憎恶的 | |
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45
poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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46
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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47
groan
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| vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音 | |
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48
groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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49
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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