Yet many a stolen kiss and snatched caress11 or pressure of the hand, many a whispered assurance of love, made Estelle and me supremely12 happy, while the few days that remained of my leave glided13 quickly--ah, too quickly!--past; and all desire for "glory" apart, I was not sorry when I saw that my fractured arm would prevent my being sent with the next draft, and cause my retention14 for a little time longer in England. "They who love must drink deeply of the cup of trembling," says some one; "for at times there will arise in their hearts a nameless terror, a sickening anxiety for the future, whose brightness all depends upon this one cherished treasure, which often proves a foreboding of some real anguish15 looming16 in the distant hours."
As yet no forebodings came to mar10 my happiness; it was without alloy17, save the prospect18 of a certain and, as we trusted to Providence19, a temporary separation; yet it was well that I saw not the future, or what those distant hours had in store for me.
"Estelle," said I, one day when a happy chance threw us together for a few minutes in an arbour of the garden, where we sometimes met at a certain hour, and separated after by different paths, like a pair of conspirators21, "when shall a period be put to all this mystery--this painful, though joyous22, false position in which we find ourselves?"
"We can but wait and hope, Harry23--wait and hope!" said she, while her head drooped24 on my shoulder, and my arm went round her.
"Wait and hope, dearest, for what? My promotion25?"
"That would bring the end no nearer," said she, with a sad, sickly smile.
"No, certainly; even to be colonel of the Royal Welsh instead of a mere26 sub would not enhance my value much in Lady Naseby's estimation," said I, with some bitterness. "For what then, darling?"
"Some change in mamma's views regarding me."
"She will never change!"
"You know, Harry, that were you rich, I might marry you now--yes, and go to Turkey with you, too!" said she, with a brightness in her eyes.
"Would to Heaven, then, that I were rich! But being poor--"
"It is impossible."
And we both sighed heavily.
"I am under orders for the East, and must take my turn of duty there, risking all the chances of war, ere I can think of home or marriage, Estelle; but when we part, if I am not to write to you, how shall I ever know that you think of me? how hear of your health and welfare? that you remain true to me--"
"O, doubt not that!"
"Nor do I; but it would be so sweet to see your writing, and imagine your voice reiterating27 the troth you plighted28 to me in that terrible time."
"I shall write to you, dear, dear Harry, for I can do that freely and openly; but of you, alas29! alas! I can only hear through our friends at the Court here, for you can neither write to me in London nor at Walcot Park."
"May I not ask Miss Lloyd to receive enclosures for you? I shall be writing to her, and we are such old friends that she would think nothing of it."
"Too old friends, I fear," said she, with a half-smiling but pointed30 glance; "but for Heaven's sake think not of that. She would never consent, nor should I wish her to do so. I can of course receive what letters I choose; but servants will pry31, and consider what certain coats of arms, monograms32, and postal33 marks mean; so my Crimean correspondent would be shrewdly suspected, and myself subjected to much annoyance34 by mamma and her views."
"Her views! This is the second time you have referred to them," said I, anxiously; "and they are--"
"That I should marry my cousin Naseby, whom I always disliked," said Estelle, in a sad and sweetly modulated35 voice; "or Lord Pottersleigh, whose wealth and influence are so great that a short time must see him created an earl; but he has no chance now, dear Harry!"
Long, lovingly, and tenderly she gazed into my eyes, and her glance and her manner seemed so truthful36 and genuine that I felt all the rapture37 of trusting her fearlessly, and that neither time nor distance would alter or lessen38 her regard for me; and a thousand times in "the distant hours" that came did I live over and over again that scene in the arbour, when the warm flush of the August evening was lying deep on the Welsh woods and mountains, when all the mullioned windows of the quaint39 old mansion40 were glittering in light, and the soft coo of the wild pigeons was heard as they winged their way to the summit of Craigaderyn, which is usually alive with them, and there the fierce hawk41 and the ravenous42 cormorant43 know well when to find their prey44.
The time for my departure drew near; and already but a day remained to me. Caradoc and Charley Gwynne had already sailed in a troopship for Varna, from which the entire army was about to embark45 for a landing on the Russian coast, and ill or well, my presence with the regimental dep?t was imperative46. My bullock trunks had been packed by Owen Gwyllim, and the carriage was ordered to convey me next evening, after an early dinner. The latter passed slowly and heavily enough, and afterwards, instead of remaining all together, as might have been expected, circumstances separated us for an hour or so. Lady Naseby was indisposed; so was Lord Pottersleigh, whom his old enemy had confined by the feet to this rooms, yet he hoped to be in service order, to enact47 the sportsman on the coming 1st of September, a period to which he looked forward with disgust and horror, as involving an enormous amount of useless fatigue48, with the chances of shooting himself or some one else. Sir Madoc had certain country business to attend; and on the three young ladies retiring to the drawing-room, I was left to think over my approaching departure through the medium of burgundy and a cigar.
My sword arm was nearly well now; but still I should have made but a poor affair of it, if compelled to resort to inside and outside cuts, to point and parry, with a burly Muscovite. To know that I had but a few hours left me now, and not to spend them with Estelle Cressingham, seemed intolerable! Before me, from the window, spread the far extent of grassy49 chase steeped in the evening sunshine; above the green woods were the peaks of Snowdon and Carneydd Llewellyn, dim and blue in the distance; and while gazing at them wistfully, I reflected on all I should have to see and undergo, to hope and fear and suffer--the miles I should have to traverse by sea and land--ere I again heard, if ever, the pleasant rustle50 of the leaves in these old woods, the voice of the wild pigeon or the croak51 of the rooks among the old Tudor gables and chimneys of Craigaderyn. And then again I thought of Estelle.
"I must see her, and alone, too, at all risks; perhaps dear little Dora will assist me," I muttered, and went towards the drawing-room, which was now considerably52 involved in shadow, being on the western side of the Court; and I felt with the tender Rosalind, when her lover said, "For these two hours, Rosalind, I will leave thee," "Alas, dear love, I cannot lack thee two hours."
I entered the room and found only Winifred Lloyd. She was seated in the deep bay of a very picturesque53 old oriel window, which seemed to frame her as if in a picture. Her chin was resting in the hollow of her left hand, and she was gazing outward dreamily on vacancy54, or along the flower-terraces of the house; but she looked hastily round, and held out a hand to me as I approached.
I caressed55 the pretty hand, and then dropped it; and not knowing very well what to say, leaned over the back of her chair.
"I suppose," she began, "you are thinking--thinking--"
"How far more pleasing to the eye are a pair of fair white shoulders to the same amount of silk or satin," said I smilingly, as I patted her neck with my glove.
She shrugged56 the white shoulders in question, and said petulantly57, with half averted58 face,
"Is it possible that your departure has no place in your thoughts?"
"Alas, yes! for do I not leave Craigaderyn by sunset? and its golden farewell rays are lingering on blue Snowdon even now," said I, with a forced smile; for though I had come in quest of Estelle, something--I know not what--drew me to Winifred just then.
Her eyebrows59 were very black, but slightly arched, and they almost met over her nose; and I gazed into the orbs60 below them, so dark, so clear, and beautiful--eyes that could neither conceal61 the emotions of her heart, nor the pleasure or sorrow she felt; and I thought how easily a man might be lured62 to forget the world for her, as friendship between the sexes--especially in youth--is perilous63; and some such thought, perhaps, occurred to her, for she turned her face abruptly64 from me.
"You are surely not angry with me?" said I, bending nearer her ear.
"Angry--I with you?"
"Yes."
"Why should I be so?" she asked, looking down upon her folded hands that trembled in her lap--for she was evidently repressing some emotion; thinking, perhaps, of poor Phil Caradoc, who was then ploughing the waters of the Mediterranean65 with Carneydd Llewellyn to console him.
"You should not have come here," said she, after a pause.
"Not into the drawing-room?"
"Unless to meet Estelle Cressingham."
"Do not say this," said I, nervously66 and imploringly67, in a low voice; "what is Estelle to me?"
"Indeed!" said the little scornful lip. "Her mamma summoned her, but she may be here shortly."
Doubtless Lady Naseby had some dread68 of the leave-taking.
"I shall be so glad to see her once again ere I go."
"Of course."
"I hope that you and she will often think and speak of me when I am gone."
"You are a delightful69 egotist, Harry Hardinge; but I trust our memories may be reciprocal."
"We have ever been such friends, and must be, you know, Winifred."
"Yes, Harry; why should we not be friends?" she asked, with a dash of passionate70 earnestness in her tone, while she gazed at me with a curious expression in her large, soft, and long-lashed eyes.
"Have you any message for--for----"
"Whom?" she asked, sharply.
"Philip Caradoc."
"None."
"None!"
"Save kindest regards and warmest wishes. What is Mr. Caradoc to me?" Then she gave a little shiver, as she added, "Our conversation is taking a very strange tone."
"I cannot conceive in how I have annoyed you," said I, with something of sorrow and wonder in my heart.
"Perhaps; but you have not annoyed me, though you are not quite what you used to be; and none are so blind as those who will not see."
"I am quite perplexed71. I think we know each other pretty well, Winifred?" said I, very softly.
"I know you certainly," was the dubious72 response.
"Well--and I you?" said I, laughing.
"Scarcely. Woman, you should be aware, is a privileged enigma5."
"Well, I was about to say that, whatever happens, we must ever be dear friends, and think of each other kindly73 and tenderly, for the pleasant times that are past and gone."
"What can happen to make us otherwise?" she asked, in a strange voice.
"I--may be killed," said I, not knowing very well what to say or suggest; "so, while there is a chance of such a contingency74, let us part kindly; not so coldly as this, dear Winifred; and kiss me ere I go."
Her lips, warm and tremulous, touched mine for an instant; but her eyes were sad and wild, and her poor little face grew ashy white as she hastened away, leaving me with Estelle, who was approaching through the long and shaded room; and when with her, Winifred Lloyd and the momentary75 emotion that had sprung up--emotion that I cared not and dared not then to analyse--were utterly76 forgotten.
Our interview was a very silent one. We had barely time for a few words, and heavy on my heart as lead weighed the conviction that I had to part from her--my love so recently won, so firmly promised and affianced. I knew that the days of my sojourn77 at Winchester must be few now; and with the chances of war before me, and temptations and aristocratic ambition left behind with her, how dubious and how remote were the chances of our meeting again!
Moments there were when I felt blindly desperate, and with my arms round Estelle.
When returning, would she still love me, as Desdemona loved her Moor78, for the dangers I had dared? The days of chivalry79 and romance have gone; but the "old, old story" yet remains80 to us, fresh as when first told in Eden.
"For life or death, for good or for evil, for weal or woe81, darling Estelle, I leave my heart in your keeping!" said I, in a low passionate whisper; "in twelve months, perhaps, I may claim you as my wife."
"L'homme propose, et Dieu dispose," said she, quietly and tenderly. "I yet hope to see you, were it but for a day, at Walcot Park, ere you sail."
"Bless you for the hope your words give me!" said I, as Owen Gwyllim came to announce that the carriage was at the door, and to give me Lady Naseby's and Lord Pottersleigh's cards and farewell wishes. And from that moment all the rest of my leave-taking seemed purely82 mechanical; and not only Sir Madoc, his two daughters, and Estelle, were on the terrace of the mansion to bid me adieu, but all the hearty83, hot-tempered, high-cheekboned old Welsh domestics, most of whom had known me since boyhood, were also there.
The impulsive84 Dora brought me my courier-bag, a flask85 filled with brandy, and dainty sandwiches cut and prepared by Winifred's own kind little hands (for in doing this for me she would trust neither the butler nor Mrs. Gwenny Davis the housekeeper), and then she held up her bright face to be kissed; but inspired by I know not what emotion of doubt or dread, I only touched with my lips the hands of Lady Estelle and Miss Lloyd. Both girls stood a little apart from each other, pale as death, tremulous with suppressed emotion, and with their lashes86 matted and their eyes filled with tears, that pride and the presence of others restrained from falling. They were calm externally, but their hearts were full of secret thoughts, to which I was long in getting the clue. In the eyes of Estelle there was that glance or expression of loving intensity87 which most men have seen once--it may be twice--in a woman's eye, and have never, never forgotten.
Sir Madoc's brown manly88 hand shook mine heartily89, and he clapped me on the back.
"I hope to see you yet ere you leave England, my boy, and such hopes always take the sting from an adieu," said he, with a voice that quivered nevertheless. "Sorry you can't stay for the 1st of September--the partridges will be in splendid order; but there is shooting enough of another kind in the preserves you are going to."
"And may never come back from," was the comforting addendum90 of old Mrs. Davis, as she applied91 her black-silk apron92 to her eyes.
"Ah, Harry," said Sir Madoc, "you gave a smile so like your mother just now! She was handsome; but you will be never like her, were you as beautiful as Absalom."
"It is well that poor mamma can't hear all this," said Dora, laughing through her tears.
"Your dear mamma, my girl, was very fond of her and of him, too," said honest Sir Madoc; and then he whispered, "If ever you want cash, Harry, don't forget me, and Coutts and Co.--the dingy93 den20 in the Strand94. Farewell--anwylbach!--good-bye!"
A few minutes more and all the tableau95 on the steps had passed away. I was bowling96 along the tall lime avenue and down the steep mountain road, up which Phil Caradoc and I had travelled but a few weeks before. How much had passed since then! and how much was inevitably97 to pass ere I should again see these familiar scenes! What had I said, or left unsaid? What had I done, what had passed, or how was it, that as the train sped with me beyond brave old Chester, on and on, on and on, monotonously98 clanking, grinding, jarring, and occasionally shrieking99, while intrenched among railway rugs, with a choice cigar between my teeth, and while I was verging100 into that pleasant frame of mind when soft and happy visions are born of the half-drowsy brain, lulled101 as it were by rapidity of motion and the sameness of recurring102 sounds--how was it, I say, that the strange, unfathomable expression I had seen in the soft pleading eyes of dear Winifred--distance was already making her "dear"--mingled in my memory with the smileless, grave, and tender farewell glance of my pale Estelle; and that the sweet innocent kiss of the former was remembered with sadness and delight?
I strove to analyse my ideas, and then thrust them from me, as I lowered the carriage window and looked forth103 upon the flying landscape and the starry104 night, and muttered,
"Poor Winny--God bless her! But two loves for one heart will never, never do. I have been at Craigaderyn too long!"
And I pictured to myself the drawing-room there: Estelle, perhaps, at the piano to conceal her emotions; or listening, it might be, to the twaddle of old Pottersleigh. Winny gazing out upon the starlit terrace, trying to realise the prospect--as women proposed to will do--if she had married Phil Caradoc; or thinking of--heaven knows what! And old Sir Madoc in his arm-chair, and dreaming, while Dora nestled by his side, of the old times, and the boy--to wit, myself--he loved so well.
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1
peculiarity
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| n.独特性，特色；特殊的东西；怪癖 | |
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thronged
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| v.成群，挤满( throng的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stratagems
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| n.诡计，计谋( stratagem的名词复数 )；花招 | |
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enigmas
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| n.难于理解的问题、人、物、情况等，奥秘( enigma的名词复数 ) | |
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enigma
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| n.谜，谜一样的人或事 | |
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mole
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| n.胎块；痣；克分子 | |
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lull
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| v.使安静，使入睡，缓和，哄骗；n.暂停，间歇 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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erred
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| 犯错误，做错事( err的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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mar
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| vt.破坏，毁坏，弄糟 | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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supremely
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| adv.无上地，崇高地 | |
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glided
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| v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔 | |
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retention
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| n.保留，保持，保持力，记忆力 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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alloy
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| n.合金，(金属的)成色 | |
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prospect
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| n.前景，前途；景色，视野 | |
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providence
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| n.深谋远虑，天道，天意；远见；节约；上帝 | |
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den
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| n.兽穴；秘密地方；安静的小房间，私室 | |
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conspirators
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| n.共谋者，阴谋家( conspirator的名词复数 ) | |
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joyous
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| adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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drooped
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| 弯曲或下垂，发蔫( droop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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promotion
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| n.提升，晋级；促销，宣传 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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reiterating
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的现在分词 ) | |
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plighted
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| vt.保证，约定（plight的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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alas
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| int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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pry
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| vi.窥(刺)探，打听；vt.撬动(开，起) | |
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monograms
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| n.字母组合( monogram的名词复数 ) | |
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postal
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| adj.邮政的，邮局的 | |
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annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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modulated
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| 已调整[制]的，被调的 | |
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truthful
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| adj.真实的，说实话的，诚实的 | |
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rapture
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| n.狂喜；全神贯注；着迷；v.使狂喜 | |
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lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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mansion
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| n.大厦，大楼；宅第 | |
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hawk
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| n.鹰，骗子；鹰派成员 | |
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ravenous
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| adj.极饿的，贪婪的 | |
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cormorant
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| n.鸬鹚，贪婪的人 | |
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prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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embark
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| vi.乘船，着手，从事，上飞机 | |
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imperative
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| n.命令，需要；规则；祈使语气；adj.强制的；紧急的 | |
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enact
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| vt.制定(法律)；上演，扮演 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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grassy
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| adj.盖满草的；长满草的 | |
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rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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croak
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| vi.嘎嘎叫，发牢骚 | |
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52
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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54
vacancy
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| n.（旅馆的）空位，空房，（职务的）空缺 | |
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caressed
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| 爱抚或抚摸…( caress的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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56
shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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petulantly
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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eyebrows
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| 眉毛( eyebrow的名词复数 ) | |
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orbs
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| abbr.off-reservation boarding school 在校寄宿学校n.球，天体，圆形物( orb的名词复数 ) | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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lured
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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Mediterranean
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| adj.地中海的；地中海沿岸的 | |
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nervously
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| adv.神情激动地，不安地 | |
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imploringly
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| adv. 恳求地, 哀求地 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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dubious
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| adj.怀疑的，无把握的；有问题的，靠不住的 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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contingency
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| n.意外事件，可能性 | |
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momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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sojourn
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| v./n.旅居，寄居；逗留 | |
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moor
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| n.荒野，沼泽；vt.(使)停泊；vi.停泊 | |
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chivalry
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| n.骑士气概，侠义；（男人）对女人彬彬有礼，献殷勤 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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woe
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| n.悲哀，苦痛，不幸，困难；int.用来表达悲伤或惊慌 | |
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purely
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| adv.纯粹地，完全地 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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flask
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| n.瓶，火药筒，砂箱 | |
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lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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manly
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| adj.有男子气概的；adv.男子般地，果断地 | |
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heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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addendum
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| n.补充，附录 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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dingy
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| adj.昏暗的，肮脏的 | |
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strand
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| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
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tableau
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| n.画面，活人画（舞台上活人扮的静态画面） | |
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bowling
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| n.保龄球运动 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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monotonously
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| adv.单调地，无变化地 | |
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shrieking
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| v.尖叫( shriek的现在分词 ) | |
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verging
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| 接近，逼近（verge的现在分词形式） | |
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lulled
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| vt.使镇静，使安静（lull的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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recurring
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| adj.往复的，再次发生的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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starry
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| adj.星光照耀的, 闪亮的 | |
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