CHAPTER XIII. Rivals.

“What was the question fer debate?” asked the School Teacher.

“Resawlved that the Negro is more worthy¹ o’ government support than the Indian,” replied the Miller².

“And the decision?”

“One jedge voted fer the affirmative an’ one fer the negative.”

“And the third?”

“That’s where the trouble come. Ye see, Theophilus Bones was the third jedge, an’ he got up an’ sayd that after hearin’ an’ weighin’ all the argyments o’ the debaters he hed to concide that neither the Negro nor the Indian was worthy.”

“Deadlocked³!” cried the pedagogue⁴, bringing his chair down on all four legs with a crash, waving his arms and snapping his fingers. “Deadlocked, sure. What did ye do?”

“See here,” interrupted the Chronic⁵ Loafer from his perch⁶ on a sugar barrel, “I can’t see that it makes any diff’rence what they done.[150] S’posin’ the Airy View Liter’ry Society is deadlocked. How’s the poor Injun goin’ to suffer any more by it?”

“But did you uns ever see sech dum jedges?” asked the Miller appealingly. “I was on the negative.”

“The point is this,” said the Teacher, shaking his cigar at the occupant of the barrel. “Here is a modern liter’ry society, whose main purpose is trainin’ its members in the art of debate. An important question is put before this same society for formal discussion, and yet these self-same trained debaters makes their points so badly that one o’ the jedges can’t decide on the merits o’ the question.”

“It ain’t so bad at all,” the Tinsmith exclaimed. “I once heard Aleck Bolum on that wery question. He argyed both affirmative an’ negative. All three o’ the jedges was deadlocked. None of ’em could concide.”

“Bolum must ’a’ ben a wonderful talker,” the Loafer said.

“Wonderful? Well, I guesst he was. Why, it was his debatin’ broke up the Kishikoquillas Liter’ry Society. An’ that was a flourishin’ organization, too. Me an’ my old frien’ Perry Muthersbaugh started it together. After he went west Andrew Magill tuk a holt of it. He run it tell Aleck Bolum stepped in. Then it was a tug-o-war.

[151]

“Bolum was a livin’ Roberts-rules-of-order. He was a walkin’ encyclopedy of information. He knowd it an’ never lost no opportunity of showin’ it. Kishikoquillas school-house was his principal place fer exhibitin’. From the time Andrew Magill’s gavel fell on Friday night tell a motion was made to adjourn⁷, Aleck was on his feet. Ef he wasn’t gittin’ off a select readin’ or a recytation or debatin’, he was risin’ to pints⁹ of order, appealin’ from the decision o’ the chair, callin’ fer divisions or movin’ we proceed to new business. Ye couldn’t git any fresh wood put in the stove ’thout hevin’ him move the ’pointment of a committee to do it. Ef a lamp burned low he’d want to hev it referred to the committee on lights. He even tried to git the recordin’ seckertary impeached¹⁰ because she kep’ the minutes in lead-pencil.”

“What fer a lookin’ felly was this Aleck Bolum?” asked the Chronic Loafer.

“He was a thin, leetle man, with a clean-shaved, hatchet¹¹ face, an’ a bald spot on the top o’ his head over which he plastered a few skein o’ lemon-colored hair.”

“An’ he wore a Prince Al-bert coat?” inquired the Loafer anxiously.

“Yes, a shiny black un. An’ he’d stand up an’ th’ow out his chist.”

“Why, that’s where half the trouble come,” interrupted the Loafer. “Don’t you know that ef[152] ye put a Prince Al-bert coat on a clothes-horse, it’ll stan’ right up an’ begin argyin’ with ye?”

“My dear felly,” replied the Tinsmith, “Aleck Bolum ’ud ’a’ argyed in his grave clothes. They wasn’t no stoppin’ him. We thot mebbe we could quiet him be givin’ him an office, so we ’lected him correspondin’ seckertary, cal’latin’ he’d hev nawthin’ to do an’ ’ud be satisfied with the honor. We’d complete misjedged him. He got up a debate be correspondence with a liter’ry society out in Kansas an’ tuk up half our evenin’s readin’ reports on it.

“So Aleck Bolum didn’t give Andrew Magill much chancet, even tho’ he was president. It went hard with Andrew, too, fer he liked to fill in all the cracks in the meetin’ hisself, an’ objected to havin’ Aleck bobbin’ up with pints of order every time he opened his mouth. But fer my part I allus preferred Bolum to Magill. Bolum wasn’t musical. Magill was. ’Henever one o’ the reg’lar men on the progrim ’ud fail to be on hand an’ he could head Aleck off, Andrew ’ud git up an’ say, ‘Mister So-an’-so, who hed the ess’y fer the evenin’, bein’ absent, the chair has consented to fill in the interval¹² be singin’ a solo.’ Or the chair ’ud sing a duet with the seckertary; or the chair ’ud sing an anthem¹³ ’sisted be the society quartette. Then he’d stand up with his music marks an’ start away on twenty verses about Mother or Alice.

[153]

“Things kept gittin’ worse an’ worse. They final come to a head one night ’hen Aleck Bolum rose to a pint⁸ of order durin’ one of Andrew’s highest notes. Magill hed to stop singin’ an’ ast him to state his pint. Then Aleck moved the solo be the president be taken up under onfinished business. Andrew jest choked.

“‘Hen the president got th’oo chokin’, we tuk up the debate. Everything was subdued¹⁴ like. Andrew set on the platform wery quiet an’ solemn. The debaters didn’t put no heart in their work fer they was busy keepin’ one eye on him an’ the other on Bolum. Every one was kind o’ nervous an’ hushed—that is, every one ’cept Aleck. He argyed that the pen was mightier¹⁵ then the sword in the reg’lar debate. ’Hen the argyment was th’owed open to all he got up agin an’ proved that the sword was mightier then the pen.

“We got th’oo with the debate an’ nawthin’ hed happened. Then Andrew Magill rose to give out the progrim fer the next meetin’. He looked solemn like at his paper a minute; then gazed ’round the room. Ye could ’a’ heard a pin drop.

“‘Several o’ our members,’ sais he, ‘complains that they ain’t hed no opportunity to be heard afore this society. This progrim is got up especial to satisfy these gentlemen.’

“An’ the progrim fer the follyin’ Friday, which he read out, run like this: ‘Readin’ o’ the Scriptur’[154] be the president; roll call; select readin’, Mr. Aleck Bolum; recytation, Mr. Aleck Bolum; extemporaneous¹⁶ oration¹⁷, Mr. Aleck Bolum; ess’y, The True Patriot¹⁸, Mr. Aleck Bolum; debate, Resawlved that works o’ natur’ is more beautiful then works o’ art—affirmative, Mr. Aleck Bolum; negative, Mr. Aleck Bolum.’

“Andrew finished an’ set down in his chair. They wasn’t even a whisper fer every eye in the room was turned on the correspondin’ seckertary. He arose deliberate like, cleared his th’oat, th’owed open his coat so his red tie showed better, put the thumb o’ his left hand in his waistcoat pocket, raised the other hand, pintin’ his forefinger¹⁹ at the president. We was ready fer somethin’ hot.

“‘Mr. Chairman,’ he sayd, never crackin’ a smile. ‘I desires right here to express my approval o’ this new plan o’ yours o’ hevin’ the same man debate both sides o’ the question. It’s an excellent idee. Under the ole rule, where the debater was allowed to speak only on one side, we developed lopsided speakers. An’ I want to say right here an’ now an’ to everybody in this room that I, fer my part, ’ll do my best to make next week’s meetin’ beneficial to us all.’

“‘Hen Andrew Magill seen how he’d played right into Aleck Bolum’s hand, thots failed to express his indignation. He adjourned²⁰ the meetin’, blowed out the lamps, put on his overcoat an’ hat[155] an’ walked outen the school-house an’ down the road, jest all bubblin’ over. But Andrew wasn’t easy beaten. He’d no idee o’ settin’ all evenin’ listenin’ to Aleck Bolum’s ess’ys an’ select readin’s. He slipped ’round ’mong the members on the quiet an’ explained how he’d an invite from the Happy Grove²¹ Social Singin’ Club, to bring the whole society up there the follyin’ Friday. He explained what a good un it ’ud be on Aleck ’hen he got to the school-house with his progrim all prepared an’ found fer an aud’ence—Mr. Aleck Bolum. An’ ez he offered to kerry three sled loads o’ members to the grove hisself, everybody agreed. It really begin to look ez ef Aleck was goin’ to be squelched²².

“The snow was two feet deep, an’ the sleighin’ was fine. It tuk jest ’bout an hour an’ a half to cover the twelve mile ’tween Kishikoquillas an’ Happy Grove. We’d a splendid time, too. Andrew was in high sperrits. He pictured Aleck arunnin’ the liter’ry meetin’ all hisself, an’ give an imytation o’ the debate on the question whether works o’ natur’ was more beautiful then works of art. It was killin’. I mind now how Andrew hed jest started in showin’ us Bolum’s recytation, ’hen we reached the clearin’ where the school-house stood.

“The place was dark, absolute dark, an’ the door was locked. They wasn’t a soul in sight. Magill got out his watch. It sayd eight-fifteen[156] an’ the singin’ school was set fer eight. It looked pecul’ar. We guesst we’d better wait. So one o’ the boys climbed th’oo a winder an’ unlocked the door, an’ we all went in. A few can’les was found an’ lit. Then we set down to watch fer the arrival o’ the Happy Grove Social Singin’ Club. They wasn’t any fire, an’ the place was cold an’ disygreeable. Some wanted to go home, but Andrew sayd no. We was the club’s guests. Some of ’em ’ud be ’long any minute. It wouldn’t be right fer them to find us gone. So we kep’ settin’, an’ wonderin’, an’ guessin’.

“At the end of an hour we hear sleigh-bells down the road. Then they was a stampin’ o’ boots outside on the portico²³.

“‘Here they is at last,’ sais Andrew, gittin’ up on the platform an’ rappin’ fer order.

“The door opened. In steps Aleck Bolum. The whole society give a groan²⁴.

“‘What’s the trouble?’ sais he, walkin’ to the middle o’ the room. ‘I don’t hear no singin’.’

“The society jest hung their heads an’ looked sheepish.

“‘Where’s the Happy Grove Social Singin Club?’ sais he pleasant like. ‘I sees only our own members.’

“No one sayd nawthin’.

“Aleck unwound his comforter, unbottoned his coat, th’owed out his chist an’ cried, ‘Mr. Chairman, hev I the floor?’

[157]

“Magill kind o’ mumbled²⁵.

“‘Then,’ sais Bolum, ‘Mebbe I can th’ow some light on the hushed voices I see gethered ’round me here to-night. Firstly, I’d like to say that we’d a most excellent meetin’ at Kishikoquillas this evenin’. After we adjourned I thot I’d run up here an’ see how you was makin’ out, fer I hed pecul’ar interest in this getherin’. Th’oo some mistake I was not properly notified that our members was comin’ here, but I learned of it. I wanted to see the Kishikoquillas Liter’ry Society do itself proud to-night at music ez well ez literature. So in my capacity ez correspondin’ seckertary I got up a musical progrim yeste’day an’ forwarded it to the president of the Happy Grove Social Singin’ Club, explainin’ how our organization ’ud entertain his organization to-night with melody, instrumental an’ vocal²⁶.’

“Bolum stopped an’ drawed a paper out o’ his pocket.

“‘Will the seckertary please read the progrim?’ he sayd.

“Josiah Weller tuk the paper. He looked at it. Then he piked one eye on the president.

“‘Ye may read the progrim, Mr. Seckertary,’ sais Andrew, wery dignified²⁷.

“An’ Josiah read like this, ‘The Kishikoquillas Liter’ry Society will be pleased to render fer the entertainment o’ the Happy Grove Social Singin’[158] Club the follyin’ selections: bass-horn solo, The Star Spangled Banner, Mr. Andrew Magill.’

“The chairman’s gavel come down on the table, an’ he rose an’ said, ‘I feels flattered be Mr. Bolum puttin’ me on the progrim, but he otter²⁸ ’a’ notified me, so I could ’a’ brung me horn.’

“‘Go on, Mr. Seckertary,’ sais Aleck, wery cool.

“Josiah continyerd, ‘Vocal solo, I see Mother’s Face at the Window, Mr. Andrew Magill.’

“The Chairman looked wery pleased.

“‘Go on, Mr. Seckertary,’ sayd Aleck.

“‘An ole time jig²⁹, jewsharp an’ harmonica mixed, Mr. Andrew Magill; vocal solo, Meet Me Alice at the Golden Gate, Mr. Andrew Magill; anthem, Angel Voices, Mr. Andrew Magill, ’sisted be the society.’

“Josiah Weller didn’t git no furder. They was a low roar went over the room. Some felly in the rear ’lowed we otter put him in the pond. But they wasn’t no one to put. Aleck Bolum hed dissypeared. We got to the door in time to hear his sleigh-bells jinglin’ way off th’oo the woods. Seemed like we could ’most hear him chucklin’, too.”

“But what hed become o’ the Happy Grove Social Singin’ Club?” asked the Miller. “Why wasn’t they there?”

“I guesst you never heard Andrew Magill sing, did ye?” replied the Tinsmith.

1 worthy   

adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的

参考例句：

• I did not esteem him to be worthy of trust.我认为他不值得信赖。
• There occurred nothing that was worthy to be mentioned.没有值得一提的事发生。

2 miller   

n.磨坊主

参考例句：

• Every miller draws water to his own mill.磨坊主都往自己磨里注水。
• The skilful miller killed millions of lions with his ski.技术娴熟的磨坊主用雪橇杀死了上百万头狮子。

3 deadlocked   

陷入僵局的；僵持不下的

参考例句：

• The plan deadlocked over the funds. 这个计划由于经费问题而搁浅了。
• The meeting deadlocked over the wage issue. 会议因工资问题而停顿下来。

4 pedagogue   

n.教师

参考例句：

• The pedagogue is correcting the paper with a new pen.这位教师正用一支新笔批改论文。
• Misfortune is a good pedagogue.不幸是良好的教师。

5 chronic   

adj.(疾病)长期未愈的，慢性的；极坏的

参考例句：

• Famine differs from chronic malnutrition.饥荒不同于慢性营养不良。
• Chronic poisoning may lead to death from inanition.慢性中毒也可能由虚弱导致死亡。

6 perch   

n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于

参考例句：

• The bird took its perch.鸟停歇在栖木上。
• Little birds perch themselves on the branches.小鸟儿栖歇在树枝上。

7 adjourn   

v.（使）休会，（使）休庭

参考例句：

• The motion to adjourn was carried.休会的提议通过了。
• I am afraid the court may not adjourn until three or even later.我担心法庭要到3点或更晚时才会休庭。

8 pint   

n.品脱

参考例句：

• I'll have a pint of beer and a packet of crisps, please.我要一品脱啤酒和一袋炸马铃薯片。
• In the old days you could get a pint of beer for a shilling.从前，花一先令就可以买到一品脱啤酒。

9 pints   

n.品脱( pint的名词复数 )；一品脱啤酒

参考例句：

• I drew off three pints of beer from the barrel. 我从酒桶里抽出三品脱啤酒。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Two pints today, please. 今天请来两品脱。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 impeached   

v.控告（某人）犯罪( impeach的过去式和过去分词 )；弹劾；对（某事物）怀疑；提出异议

参考例句：

• Elected officials can be impeached. 经过选举产生的官员可以被弹劾。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The judge was impeached for taking a bribe. 这个法官被检举接受贿赂。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

11 hatchet   

n.短柄小斧；v.扼杀

参考例句：

• I shall have to take a hatchet to that stump.我得用一把短柄斧来劈这树桩。
• Do not remove a fly from your friend's forehead with a hatchet.别用斧头拍打朋友额头上的苍蝇。

12 interval   

n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息

参考例句：

• The interval between the two trees measures 40 feet.这两棵树的间隔是40英尺。
• There was a long interval before he anwsered the telephone.隔了好久他才回了电话。

13 anthem   

n.圣歌，赞美诗，颂歌

参考例句：

• All those present were standing solemnly when the national anthem was played.奏国歌时全场肃立。
• As he stood on the winner's rostrum,he sang the words of the national anthem.他站在冠军领奖台上，唱起了国歌。

14 subdued   

adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• He seemed a bit subdued to me. 我觉得他当时有点闷闷不乐。
• I felt strangely subdued when it was all over. 一切都结束的时候，我却有一种奇怪的压抑感。

15 mightier   

adj. 强有力的，强大的，巨大的 adv. 很，极其

参考例句：

• But it ever rises up again, stronger, firmer, mightier. 但是，这种组织总是重新产生，并且一次比一次更强大，更坚固，更有力。 来自英汉非文学 - 共产党宣言
• Do you believe that the pen is mightier than the sword? 你相信笔杆的威力大于武力吗？

16 extemporaneous   

adj.即席的，一时的

参考例句：

• She made an extemporaneous speech on the ceremony.她在典礼上做了一次即兴演讲。
• Nixon carried away with it all,delivered his extemporaneous toast.尼克松对一切都很满意，颇有些情不自禁地发表了他的即席祝酒词。

17 oration   

n.演说，致辞，叙述法

参考例句：

• He delivered an oration on the decline of family values.他发表了有关家庭价值观的衰退的演说。
• He was asked to deliver an oration at the meeting.他被邀请在会议上发表演说。

18 patriot   

n.爱国者，爱国主义者

参考例句：

• He avowed himself a patriot.他自称自己是爱国者。
• He is a patriot who has won the admiration of the French already.他是一个已经赢得法国人敬仰的爱国者。

19 forefinger   

n.食指

参考例句：

• He pinched the leaf between his thumb and forefinger.他将叶子捏在拇指和食指之间。
• He held it between the tips of his thumb and forefinger.他用他大拇指和食指尖拿着它。

20 adjourned   

（使）休会， （使）休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The court adjourned for lunch. 午餐时间法庭休庭。
• The trial was adjourned following the presentation of new evidence to the court. 新证据呈到庭上后，审讯就宣告暂停。

21 grove   

n.林子，小树林，园林

参考例句：

• On top of the hill was a grove of tall trees.山顶上一片高大的树林。
• The scent of lemons filled the grove.柠檬香味充满了小树林。

22 squelched   

v.发吧唧声，发扑哧声( squelch的过去式和过去分词 )；制止；压制；遏制

参考例句：

• We squelched over the soggy ground. 我们咕唧咕唧地走过泥泞的土地。
• The mud squelched as I walked through it. 我扑哧扑哧地穿过泥泞。

23 portico   

n.柱廊，门廊

参考例句：

• A large portico provides a suitably impressive entrance to the chapel.小教堂入口处宽敞的柱廊相当壮观。
• The gateway and its portico had openings all around.门洞两旁与廊子的周围都有窗棂。

24 groan   

vi./n.呻吟，抱怨；(发出)呻吟般的声音

参考例句：

• The wounded man uttered a groan.那个受伤的人发出呻吟。
• The people groan under the burden of taxes.人民在重税下痛苦呻吟。

25 mumbled   

含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He mumbled something to me which I did not quite catch. 他对我叽咕了几句话，可我没太听清楚。
• George mumbled incoherently to himself. 乔治语无伦次地喃喃自语。

26 vocal   

adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目

参考例句：

• The tongue is a vocal organ.舌头是一个发音器官。
• Public opinion at last became vocal.终于舆论哗然。

27 dignified   

a.可敬的，高贵的

参考例句：

• Throughout his trial he maintained a dignified silence. 在整个审讯过程中，他始终沉默以保持尊严。
• He always strikes such a dignified pose before his girlfriend. 他总是在女友面前摆出这种庄严的姿态。

28 otter   

n.水獭

参考例句：

• The economists say the competition otter to the brink of extinction.经济学家们说，竞争把海獭推到了灭绝的边缘。
• She collared my black wool coat with otter pelts.她把我的黑呢上衣镶上了水獭领。

29 jig   

n.快步舞（曲）；v.上下晃动；用夹具辅助加工；蹦蹦跳跳

参考例句：

• I went mad with joy and danced a little jig.我欣喜若狂，跳了几步吉格舞。
• He piped a jig so that we could dance.他用笛子吹奏格舞曲好让我们跳舞。