A boy's life may be weakened for growth, in all its fibres, by the watchfulness3 of a too anxious love, and the guidance of a too exquisitely4 nurtured5 conscience. He may be so trained in the habits of goodness, and purity, and duty, that every contact with the world is like an abrasion6 upon the delicate surface of his soul. Every wind visits him too roughly, and he shrinks from the encounters which brace7 true manliness8, and strengthen it for the exercise of good.
The rigid9 piety10 of Joseph's mother was warmed and softened11 by her tenderness towards him, and he never felt it as a yoke12. His nature instinctively13 took the imprint14 of hers, and she was happy in seeing so clear a reflection of herself in his innocent young heart. She prolonged his childhood, perhaps without intending it, into the years when the unrest of approaching manhood should have led him to severer studies and lustier sports. Her death transferred his guardianship15 to other hands, but did not change its character. Her sister Rachel was equally good and conscientious16, possibly with an equal capacity for tenderness, but her barren life had restrained the habit of its expression. Joseph could not but confess that she was guided by the strictest sense of duty, but she seemed to him cold, severe, unsympathetic. There were times when the alternative presented itself to his mind, of either allowing her absolute control of all his actions, or wounding her to the heart by asserting a moderate amount of independence.
He was called fortunate, but it was impossible for him consciously to feel his fortune. The two hundred acres of the farm, stretching back over the softly swelling17 hills which enclosed the valley on the east, were as excellent soil as the neighborhood knew; the stock was plentiful18; the house, barn, and all the appointments of the place were in the best order, and he was the sole owner of all. The work of his own hands was not needed, but it was a mechanical exhaustion19 of time,—an enforced occupation of body and mind, which he followed in the vague hope that some richer development of life might come afterwards. But there were times when the fields looked very dreary,—when the trees, rooted in their places, and growing under conditions which they were powerless to choose or change, were but tiresome20 types of himself,—when even the beckoning21 heights far down the valley failed to touch his fancy with the hint of a broader world. Duty said to him, "You must be perfectly22 contented23 in your place!" but there was the miserable24, ungrateful, inexplicable25 fact of discontent.
Furthermore, he had by this time discovered that certain tastes which he possessed26 were so many weaknesses—if not, indeed, matters of reproach—in the eyes of his neighbors. The delight and the torture of finer nerves—an inability to use coarse and strong phrases, and a shrinking from all display of rude manners—were peculiarities28 which he could not overcome, and must endeavor to conceal29. There were men of sturdy intelligence in the community; but none of refined culture, through whom he might have measured and understood himself; and the very qualities, therefore, which should have been his pride, gave him only a sense of shame.
Two memories haunted him, after the evening at Warriner's; and, though so different, they were not to be disconnected. No two girls could be more unlike than Lucy Henderson and Miss Julia Blessing30; he had known one for years, and the other was the partial acquaintance of an evening; yet the image of either one was swiftly followed by that of the other. When he thought of Lucy's eyes, Miss Julia's hand stole over his shoulder; when he recalled the glossy31 ringlets of the latter, he saw, beside them, the faintly flushed cheek and the pure, sweet mouth which had awakened32 in him his first daring desire.
Phantoms33 as they were, they seemed to have taken equal possession of the house, the garden, and the fields. While Lucy sat quietly by the window, Miss Julia skipped lightly along the adjoining hall. One lifted a fallen rose-branch on the lawn, the other snatched the reddest blossom from it. One leaned against the trunk of the old hemlock-tree, the other fluttered in and out among the clumps34 of shrubbery; but the lonely green was wonderfully brightened by these visions of pink and white, and Joseph enjoyed the fancy without troubling himself to think what it meant.
The house was seated upon a gentle knoll35, near the head of a side-valley sunk like a dimple among the hills which enclosed the river-meadows, scarcely a quarter of a mile away. It was nearly a hundred years old, and its massive walls were faced with checkered36 bricks, alternately red and black, to which the ivy37 clung with tenacious38 feet wherever it was allowed to run. The gables terminated in broad double chimneys, between which a railed walk, intended for a look-out, but rarely used for that or any other purpose, rested on the peak of the roof. A low portico39 paved with stone extended along the front, which was further shaded by two enormous sycamore-trees as old as the house itself. The evergreens40 and ornamental41 shrubs42 which occupied the remainder of the little lawn denoted the taste of a later generation. To the east, an open turfy space, in the centre of which stood a superb weeping-willow, divided the house from the great stone barn with its flanking cribs and "over-shoots;" on the opposite side lay the sunny garden, with gnarled grape-vines clambering along its walls, and a double row of tall old box-bushes, each grown into a single solid mass, stretching down the centre.
The fields belonging to the property, softly rising and following the undulations of the hills, limited the landscape on three sides; but on the south there was a fair view of the valley of the larger stream, with its herd-speckled meadows, glimpses of water between the fringing trees, and farm-houses sheltered among the knees of the farther hills. It was a region of peace and repose43 and quiet, drowsy44 beauty, and there were few farms which were not the ancestral homes of the families who held them. The people were satisfied, for they lived upon a bountiful soil; and if but few were notably45 rich, still fewer were absolutely poor. They had a sluggish46 sense of content, a half-conscious feeling that their lines were cast in pleasant places; they were orderly, moral, and generally honest, and their own types were so constantly reproduced and fixed47, both by intermarriage and intercourse48, that any variation therein was a thing to be suppressed if possible. Any sign of an unusual taste, or a different view of life, excited their suspicion, and the most of them were incapable49 of discriminating50 between independent thought on moral and social questions, and "free-thinking" in the religious significance which they attached to the word. Political excitements, it is true, sometimes swept over the neighborhood, but in a mitigated51 form; and the discussions which then took place between neighbors of opposite faith were generally repetitions of the arguments furnished by their respective county papers.
To one whose twofold nature conformed to the common mould,—into whom, before his birth, no mysterious element had been infused, to be the basis of new sensations, desires, and powers,—the region was a paradise of peaceful days. Even as a boy the probable map of his life was drawn52: he could behold53 himself as young man, as husband, father, and comfortable old man, by simply looking upon these various stages in others.
If, however, his senses were not sluggish, but keen; if his nature reached beyond the ordinary necessities, and hungered for the taste of higher things; if he longed to share in that life of the world, the least part of which was known to his native community; if, not content to accept the mechanical faith of passive minds, he dared to repeat the long struggle of the human race in his own spiritual and mental growth; then,—why, then, the region was not a paradise of peaceful days.
Rachel Miller54, now that the dangerous evening was over, was shrewd enough to resume her habitual55 manner towards her nephew. Her curiosity to know what had been done, and how Joseph had been affected56 by the merry-making, rendered her careful not to frighten him from the subject by warnings or reproaches. He was frank and communicative, and Rachel found, to her surprise, that the evening at Warriner's was much, and not wholly unpleasantly, in her thoughts during her knitting-hours. The farm-work was briskly forwarded; Joseph was active in the field, and decidedly brighter in the house; and when he announced the new engagement, with an air which hinted that his attendance was a matter of course, she was only able to say:—
"I'm very much mistaken if that's the end. Get agoing once, and there's no telling where you'll fetch up. I suppose that town's girl won't stay much longer,—the farm-work of the neighborhood couldn't stand it,—and so she means to have all she can while her visit lasts."
"Indeed, Aunt," Joseph protested, "Elwood Withers57 first proposed it, and the others all agreed."
"And ready enough they were, I'll be bound."
"Yes, they were," Joseph replied, with a little more firmness than usual. "All of them. And there was no respectable family in the neighborhood that wasn't represented."
Rachel made an effort and kept silence. The innovation might be temporary, and in that case it were prudent58 to take no further notice; or it might be the beginning of a change in the ways of the young people, and if so, she needed further knowledge in order to work successfully against it in Joseph's case.
She little suspected how swiftly and closely the question would be brought to her own door.
A week afterwards the second of the evening parties was held, and was even more successful than the first. Everybody was there, bringing a cheerful memory of the former occasion, and Miss Julia Blessing, no longer dreaded59 as an unknown scrutinizing60 element, was again the life and soul of the company. It was astonishing how correctly she retained the names and characteristics of all those whom she had already met, and how intelligently she seemed to enjoy the gossip of the neighborhood. It was remarked that her dress was studiously simple, as if to conform to country ways, yet the airy, graceful61 freedom of her manner gave it a character of elegance62 which sufficiently63 distinguished64 her from the other girls.
Joseph felt that she looked to him, as by an innocent natural instinct, for a more delicate and intimate recognition than she expected to find elsewhere. Fragments of sentences, parenthetical expressions, dropped in her lively talk, were always followed by a quick glance which said to him: "We have one feeling in common; I know that you understand me." He was fascinated, but the experience was so new that it was rather bewildering. He was drawn to catch her seemingly random65 looks,—to wait for them, and then shrink timidly when they came, feeling all the while the desire to be in the quiet corner, outside the merry circle of talkers, where sat Lucy Henderson.
When, at last, a change in the diversions of the evening brought him to Lucy's side, she seemed to him grave and preoccupied66. Her words lacked the pleasant directness and self-possession which had made her society so comfortable to him. She no longer turned her full face towards him while speaking, and he noticed that her eyes were wandering over the company with a peculiar27 expression, as if she were trying to listen with them. It seemed to him, also, that Elwood Withers, who was restlessly moving about the room, was watching some one, or waiting for something.
"I have it!" suddenly cried Miss Blessing, floating towards Joseph and Lucy; "it shall be you, Mr. Asten!"
"Yes," echoed Anna Warriner, following; "if it could be, how delightful67!"
"Hush68, Anna dear! Let us keep the matter secret!" whispered Miss Blessing, assuming a mysterious air; "we will slip away and consult; and, of course, Lucy must come with us."
"Now," she resumed, when the four found themselves alone in the old-fashioned dining-room, "we must, first of all, explain everything to Mr. Asten. The question is, where we shall meet, next week. McNaughtons are building an addition (I believe you call it) to their barn, and a child has the measles69 at another place, and something else is wrong somewhere else. We cannot interfere70 with the course of nature; but neither should we give up these charming evenings without making an effort to continue them. Our sole hope and reliance is on you, Mr. Asten."
She pronounced the words with a mock solemnity, clasping her hands, and looking into his face with bright, eager, laughing eyes.
"If it depended on myself—" Joseph began.
"O, I know the difficulty, Mr. Asten!" she exclaimed; "and really, it's unpardonable in me to propose such a thing. But isn't it possible—just possible—that Miss Miller might be persuaded by us?"
"Julia dear!" cried Anna Warriner, "I believe there's nothing you'd be afraid to undertake."
Joseph scarcely knew what to say. He looked from one to the other, coloring slightly, and ready to turn pale the next moment, as he endeavored to imagine how his aunt would receive such an astounding71 proposition.
"There is no reason why she should be asked," said Lucy. "It would be a great annoyance72 to her."
"Indeed?" said Miss Blessing; "then I should be so sorry! But I caught a glimpse of your lovely place the other day as we were driving up the valley. It was a perfect picture,—and I have such a desire to see it nearer!"
"Why will you not come, then?" Joseph eagerly asked. Lucy's words seemed to him blunt and unfriendly, although he knew they had been intended for his relief.
"It would be a great pleasure; yet, if I thought your aunt would be annoyed—"
"I am sure she will be glad to make your acquaintance," said Joseph, with a reproachful side-glance at Lucy.
Miss Blessing noticed the glance. "I am more sure," she said, playfully, "that she will be very much amused at my ignorance and inexperience. And I don't believe Lucy meant to frighten me. As for the party, we won't think of that now; but you will go with us, Lucy, won't you,—with Anna and myself, to make a neighborly afternoon call?"
Lucy felt obliged to accede73 to a request so amiably74 made, after her apparent rudeness. Yet she could not force herself to affect a hearty75 acquiescence76, and Joseph thought her singularly cold.
He did not doubt but that Miss Blessing, whose warm, impulsive77 nature seemed to him very much what his own might be if he dared to show it, would fulfil her promise. Neither did he doubt that so much innocence78 and sweetness as she possessed would make a favorable impression upon his aunt; but he judged it best not to inform the latter of the possible visit.
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1
introversion
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| n. [心理]内向性, 内省性 | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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watchfulness
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| 警惕，留心； 警觉（性） | |
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exquisitely
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| adv.精致地；强烈地；剧烈地；异常地 | |
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nurtured
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| 养育( nurture的过去式和过去分词 )； 培育； 滋长； 助长 | |
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abrasion
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| n.磨（擦）破，表面磨损 | |
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brace
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| n. 支柱,曲柄,大括号; v. 绷紧,顶住,(为困难或坏事)做准备 | |
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8
manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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9
rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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piety
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| n.虔诚，虔敬 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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imprint
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| n.印痕，痕迹；深刻的印象；vt.压印，牢记 | |
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guardianship
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| n. 监护, 保护, 守护 | |
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conscientious
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| adj.审慎正直的，认真的，本着良心的 | |
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swelling
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| n.肿胀 | |
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plentiful
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| adj.富裕的，丰富的 | |
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exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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tiresome
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| adj.令人疲劳的，令人厌倦的 | |
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21
beckoning
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| adj.引诱人的，令人心动的v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的现在分词 ) | |
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22
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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26
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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27
peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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peculiarities
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| n. 特质, 特性, 怪癖, 古怪 | |
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29
conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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30
blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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glossy
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| adj.平滑的；有光泽的 | |
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32
awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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33
phantoms
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| n.鬼怪，幽灵( phantom的名词复数 ) | |
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34
clumps
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| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
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35
knoll
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| n.小山，小丘 | |
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checkered
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| adj.有方格图案的 | |
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ivy
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| n.常青藤，常春藤 | |
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tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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39
portico
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| n.柱廊，门廊 | |
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40
evergreens
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| n.常青树，常绿植物，万年青( evergreen的名词复数 ) | |
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ornamental
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| adj.装饰的；作装饰用的；n.装饰品；观赏植物 | |
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42
shrubs
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| 灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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43
repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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44
drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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45
notably
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| adv.值得注意地，显著地，尤其地，特别地 | |
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46
sluggish
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| adj.懒惰的，迟钝的，无精打采的 | |
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47
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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48
intercourse
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| n.性交；交流，交往，交际 | |
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49
incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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50
discriminating
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| a.有辨别能力的 | |
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51
mitigated
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| v.减轻，缓和( mitigate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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53
behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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54
miller
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| n.磨坊主 | |
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55
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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57
withers
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| 马肩隆 | |
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58
prudent
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| adj.谨慎的，有远见的，精打细算的 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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60
scrutinizing
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| v.仔细检查，详审( scrutinize的现在分词 ) | |
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61
graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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62
elegance
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| n.优雅；优美，雅致；精致，巧妙 | |
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63
sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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64
distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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65
random
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| adj.随机的；任意的；n.偶然的(或随便的)行动 | |
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66
preoccupied
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| adj.全神贯注的，入神的；被抢先占有的；心事重重的v.占据（某人）思想，使对…全神贯注，使专心于( preoccupy的过去式) | |
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67
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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68
hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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69
measles
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| n.麻疹，风疹，包虫病，痧子 | |
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70
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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71
astounding
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| adj.使人震惊的vt.使震惊，使大吃一惊astound的现在分词) | |
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72
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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73
accede
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| v.应允，同意 | |
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74
amiably
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| adv.和蔼可亲地，亲切地 | |
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75
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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76
acquiescence
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| n.默许；顺从 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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innocence
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| n.无罪；天真；无害 | |
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