Moreover, Julia's continual demonstration5 of her love for Joseph, from which Lucy at first shrank with a delicate tremor6 of the heart, soon ceased to affect her. Nay7, it rather seemed to interpose a protecting barrier between her present and the painful memory of her past self. She began to suspect that all regret was now conquered, and rejoiced in the sense of strength which could only thus be made clear to her mind. Her feeling towards Joseph became that of a sister or a dear woman friend; there could be no harm in cherishing it; she found a comfort in speaking to Julia of his upright, unselfish character, his guilelessness and kindness of heart.
The work upon the house was nearly finished, but new and more alarming bills began to come in; and worse was in store. There was a chimney-piece, "the loveliest ivory veins8 through the green marble," Julia said, which she had ordered from the city; there were boxes and packages of furniture already on hand, purchased without Joseph's knowledge and with entire faith in the virtues9 of the Amaranth. Although she still clung to that faith with a desperate grip, the sight of the boxes did not give her the same delight as she had felt in ordering them. She saw the necessity of being prepared, in advance, for either alternative. It was not in her nature to dread10 any scene or circumstance of life (although she had found the appearance of timidity very available, and could assume it admirably); the question which perplexed11 her was, how to retain and strengthen her ascendency over Joseph?
It is needless to say that the presence of Lucy Henderson was a part of her plan, although she held a more important service in reserve. Lucy's warm, frank expressions of friendship for Joseph gave her great satisfaction, and she was exhaustless in inventing ways to call them forth12.
"You look quite like another person, Lucy," she would say; "I really think the rest has done you good."
"I am sure of it," Lucy answered.
"Then you must be in no hurry to leave. We must build you up, as the doctors say; and, besides, if—if this speculation13 should be unfortunate—O, I don't dare to think of it!—there will be such a comfort to me, and I am sure to Joseph also, in having you here until we have learned to bear it. We should not allow our minds to dwell on it so much, you know; we should make an exertion14 to hide our disappointment in your presence, and that would be such a help! Now you will say I am borrowing trouble, but do, pray, make allowances for me, Lucy! Think how everything has been kept from me that I ought to have known!"
"Of course, I will stay a little while for your sake," Lucy answered; "but Joseph is a man, and most men bear bad luck easily. He would hardly thank me for condoling15 with him."
"O, no, no!" Julia cried; "he thinks everything of you! He was so anxious for you to come here! he said to me, 'Lucy Henderson is a noble, true-hearted girl, and you will love her at once,' as I did, Lucy, when I first saw you, but without knowing why, as I now do."
A warm color came into Lucy's face, but she only shook her head and said nothing.
The two women had just risen from the breakfast-table the next morning, when a shadow fell into the room through the front window, and a heavy step was heard on the stone pavement of the veranda16. Julia gave a little start and shriek17, and seized Lucy's arm. The door opened and Joseph was there. He had risen before daybreak and taken the earliest train from the city. He had scarcely slept for two nights; his face was stern and haggard, and the fatigue18, instead of exhausting, had only added to his excitement.
Julia sprang forward, threw her arm around, him, and kissed him repeatedly. He stood still and passively endured the caress19, without returning it; then, stepping forward, he gave his hand to Lucy. She felt that it was cold and moist; and she did not attempt to repress the quick sympathy which came into her face and voice.
Julia guessed something of the truth instantly, and nothing but the powerful necessity of continuing to play her part enabled her to conceal20 the bitter anger which the contrast between Joseph's greeting to her and to Lucy aroused in her heart. She stood for a moment as if paralyzed, but in reality to collect herself; then, approaching her husband, she stammered21 forth: "O, Joseph—I'm afraid—I don't dare to ask you what—what news you bring. You didn't write—I've been so uneasy—and now I see from your face—that something is wrong."
He did not answer.
"Don't tell me all at once, if it's very bad!" she then cried: "but, no! it's my duty to hear it, my duty to bear it,—Lucy has taught me that,—tell me all, tell me all, this moment!"
"You and your father have ruined me: that is all."
"Joseph!" The word sounded like the essence of tender protest, of heartbreaking reproach. Lucy rose quietly and moved towards the door.
"Don't leave me, Lucy!" was Julia's appeal.
"It is better that I should go," Lucy answered, in a faint voice, and left the room.
"But, Joseph," Julia resumed, with a wild, distracted air, "why do you say such terrible things? I really do not know what you mean. What have you learned? what have you seen?"
"I have seen the Amaranth!"
"Well! Is there no oil?"
"O yes, plenty of oil!" he laughed; "skunk22 oil and rattlesnake oil! It is one of the vilest23 cheats that the Devil ever put into the minds of bad men."
"O, poor pa!" Julia cried; "what a terrible blow to him!"
"'Poor pa!' Yes, my discovery of the cheat is a terrible blow to 'poor pa,'—he did not calculate on its being found out so soon. When I learned from Kanuck that all the stock he holds was given to him for services,—that is, for getting the money out of the pockets of innocents like myself,—you may judge how much pity I feel for poor pa! I told him the fact to his face, last night, and he admitted it."
"Then," said Julia, "if the others know nothing, he may be able to sell his stock to-day,—his and yours; and we may not lose much after all."
"I should have sent you to the oil region, instead of going myself," Joseph answered, with a sneer24. "You and Kanuck would soon have come to terms. He offered to take my stock off my hands, provided I would go back to the city and make such a report of the speculation as he would dictate25."
"And you didn't do it?" Julia's voice rose almost to a scream, as the words burst involuntarily from her lips.
The expression on Joseph's face showed her that she had been rash; but the words were said, and she could only advance, not recede26.
"It is perfectly27 legitimate28 in business," she continued. "Every investment in the Amaranth was a venture,—every stockholder knew that he risked losing his money! There is not one that would not save himself in that way, if he had the chance. But you pride yourself on being so much better than other men! Mr. Chaffinch is right; you have what he calls a 'moral pride'! You—"
"Stop!" Joseph interrupted. "Who was it that professed29 such concern about my faith? Who sent Mr. Chaffinch to insult me?"
"Faith and business are two different things: all the churches know that. There was Mr. Sanctus, in the city: he subscribed30 ten thousand dollars to the Church of the Acceptance: he couldn't pay it, and they levied31 on his property, and sold him out of house and home! Really, you are as ignorant of the world as a baby!"
"God keep me so, then!" he exclaimed.
"However," she resumed, after a pause, "since you insist on our bearing the loss, I shall expect of your moral pride that you bear it patiently, if not cheerfully. It is far from being ruin to us. The rise in property will very likely balance it, and you will still be worth what you were."
"That is not all," he said. "I will not mention my greatest loss, for you are incapable32 of understanding it; but how much else have you saddled me with? Let me have a look at it!"
He crossed the hall and entered the new apartment, Julia following. Joseph inspected the ceiling, the elaborate and overladen cornices, the marble chimney-piece, and finally peered into the boxes and packages, not trusting himself to speak while the extent of the absurd splendor33 to which she had committed him grew upon his mind. Finally he said, striving to make his voice calm, although it trembled in his throat: "Since you were so free to make all these purchases, perhaps you will tell me how they are to be paid for?"
"Let me manage it, then," she answered. "There is no hurry. These country mechanics are always impatient,—I should call them impertinent, and I should like to teach them a lesson. Sellers are under obligations to the buyers, and they are bound to be accommodating. They have so many bills which are never paid, that an extension of time is the least they can do. Why, they will always wait a year, two years, three years, rather than lose."
"I suppose so."
"Then," said Julia, deceived by Joseph's quiet tone, "their profits are so enormous, that it would only be fair to reduce the bills. I am sure, that if I were to mention that you were embarrassed by heavy losses, and press them hard, they would compromise with me on a moderate amount. You know they allow what is called a margin34 for losses,—pa told me, but I forget how much,—they always expect to lose a certain percentage; and, of course, it can make no difference by whom they lose it. You understand, don't you?"
"Yes: it is very plain."
"Pa could help me to get both a reduction and an extension of time. The bills have not all been sent, and it will be better to wait two or three months after they have come in. If the dealers35 are a little uneasy in advance, they will be all the readier to compromise afterwards."
Joseph walked up and down the hollow room, with his hands clasped behind his back and his eyes fixed36 upon the floor. Suddenly he stopped before her and said: "There is another way."
"Not a better one, I am certain."
"The furniture has not yet been unpacked37, and can be returned to them uninjured. Then the bills need not be paid at all."
"And we should be the laughing-stock of the neighborhood!" she cried, her eyes flashing. "I never heard of anything so ridiculous! If the worst comes to the worst, you can sell Bishop38 those fifty acres over the hill, which he stands ready to take, any day. But you'd rather have a dilapidated house,—no parlor,—guests received in the dining-room and the kitchen,—the Hopetons and your friends, the Helds, sneering39 at us behind our backs! And what would your credit be worth? We shall not even get trusted for groceries at the village store, if you leave things as they are!"
Joseph groaned40, speaking to himself rather than answering her: "Is there no way out of this? What is done is done; shall I submit to it, and try to begin anew? or—"
He did not finish the sentence. Julia turned her head, so that only the chimney-piece and the furniture could see the sparkle of triumph in her eyes. She felt that she had maintained her position; and, what was far more, she now clearly saw the course by which she could secure it.
She left the room, drawing a full breath of relief as the door closed behind her. The first shock of the evil news was over, and it had not fallen quite so heavily as she had feared. There were plenty of devices in store whereby all that was lost might be recovered. Had not her life at home been an unbroken succession of devices? Was she not seasoned to all manner of ups and downs, and wherefore should this first failure disconcert her? The loss of the money was, in reality, much less important to her than the loss of her power over Joseph. Weak as she had supposed him to he, he had shown a fierce and unexpected resistance, which must be suppressed now, or it might crush her whole plan of life. It seemed to her that he was beginning to waver: should she hasten a scheme by which she meant to entrap41 him into submission,—a subtle and dangerous scheme, which must either wholly succeed, or, wholly failing, involve her in its failure?
Rapidly turning over the question in her mind, she entered her bed-room. Locking the door, she walked directly to the looking-glass; the curtain was drawn42 from the window, and a strong light fell upon her face.
"This will never do!" she said to herself. "The anxiety and excitement have made me thin again, and I seem to have no color." She unfastened her dress, bared her neck, and pushed the ringlets behind her ears. "I look pinched; a little more, and I shall look old. If I were a perfect brunette or a perfect blonde, there would be less difficulty; but I have the most provoking, unmanageable complexion43! I must bring on the crisis at once, and then see if I can't fill out these hollows."
She heard the front door opening, and presently saw Joseph on the lawn. He looked about for a moment, with a heavy, bewildered air, and then slowly turned towards the garden. She withdrew from the window, hesitated a moment, murmured to herself, "I will try, there cannot be a better time!" and then, burying her face in her hands and sobbing44, rushed to Lucy's room.
"O Lucy!" she cried, "help me, or I am lost! How can I tell you? it is harder than I ever dreamed!"
"Is the loss so very serious,—so much more than you feared?" Lucy asked.
"Not that—O, if that were all! But Joseph—" Here Julia's sobs45 became almost hysterical46. "He is so cruel; I did advise him, as I told you, for his sake, and now he says that pa and I have combined to cheat him! I don't think he knows how dreadful his words are. I would sooner die than hear any more of them! Go to him, Lucy; he is in the garden; perhaps he will listen to you. I am afraid, and I never thought I should be afraid of him!"
"It is very, very sad," said Lucy. "But if he is in such an excited condition he will surely resent my coming. What can I say?"
"Say only what you heard me speak! Tell him of my anxiety, my self-reproach! Tell him that even if he will believe that pa meant to deceive him, he must not believe it of me! You know, Lucy, how he wrongs me in his thoughts; if you knew how hard it is to be wronged by a husband, you would pity me!"
"I do pity you, Julia, from my very heart; and the proof of it is, that I will try to do what you ask, against my own sense of its prudence47. If Joseph repels48 my interference, I shall not blame him."
"Heaven bless you, Lucy! He will not repel49 you, he cannot!" Julia sobbed50. "I will lie down and try to grow calm." She rose from the bed, upon which she had flung herself, and tottered51 through the door. When she had reached her own room, she again looked at her image in the glass, nodded and smiled.
Lucy walked slowly along the garden paths, plucking a flower or two, and irresolute52 how to approach Joseph. At last, descending53 the avenue of box, she found him seated in the semicircular enclosure, gazing steadfastly54 down the valley, but (she was sure) not seeing the landscape. As he turned his head at her approach, she noticed that his eyelids55 were reddened and his lips compressed with an expression of intense pain.
"Sit down, Lucy; I am a grim host, to-day," he said, with a melancholy56 attempt at a smile.
Lucy had come to him with a little womanly indignation, for Julia's sake, in her heart; but it vanished utterly57, and the tears started into her eyes. For a moment she found it impossible to speak.
"I shall not talk of my ignorance any more, as I once did," Joseph continued. "If there is a class in the school of the world, graded according to experience of human meanness and treachery and falsehood, I ought to stand at the head."
Lucy stretched out her hand in protest. "Do not speak so bitterly, Joseph; it pains me to hear you."
"How would you have me speak?"
"As a man who will not see ruin before him because a part of his property happens to slip from him,—nay, if all were lost! I always took you to be liberal, Joseph, never careful of money for money's sake, and I cannot understand how your nature should be changed now, even though you have been the victim of some dishonesty."
"'Some dishonesty'! You are thinking only of money: what term would you give to the betrayal of a heart, the ruin of a life?"
"Surely, Joseph, you do not, you cannot mean—"
"My wife, of course. It needed no guessing."
"Joseph!" Lucy cried, seizing the opportunity, "indeed you do her wrong! I know what anxiety she has suffered during your absence. She blamed herself for having advised you to risk so much in an uncertain speculation, dreaded58 your disappointment, resolved to atone59 for it, if she could! She may have been rash and thoughtless, but she never meant to deceive you. If you are disappointed in some qualities, you should not shut your eyes and refuse to see others. I know, now, that I have myself not been fair in my judgment60 of Julia. A nearer acquaintance has led me to conceive what disadvantages of education, for which she is not responsible, she is obliged to overcome: she sees, she admits them, and she will overcome them. You, as her husband, are bound to show her a patient kindness—"
"Enough!" Joseph interrupted; "I see that you have touched pitch, also. Lucy, your first instinct was right. The woman whom I am bound to look upon as my wife is false and selfish in every fibre of her nature; how false and selfish I only can know, for to me she takes off her mask!"
"Do you believe me, then?" Lucy's words were slightly defiant61. She had not quite understood the allusion62 to touching63 pitch, and Joseph's indifference64 to her advocacy seemed to her unfeeling.
"I begin to fear that Philip was right," said Joseph, not heeding65 her question. "Life is relentless66: ignorance or crime, it is all the same. And if God cares less about our individual wrongs than we flatter ourselves He does, what do we gain by further endurance? Here is Lucy Henderson, satisfied that my wife is a suffering angel; thinks my nature is changed, that I am cold-hearted and cruel, while I know Lucy to be true and noble, and deceived by the very goodness of her own heart!"
He lifted his head, looked in her face a moment, and then went on:—
"I am sick of masks; we all wear them. Do you want to know the truth, Lucy? When I look back I can see it very clearly, now. A little more than a year ago the one girl who began to live in my thoughts was you! Don't interrupt me: I am only speaking of what was. When I went to Warriner's, it was in the hope of meeting you, not Julia Blessing67. It was not yet love that I felt, but I think it would have grown to that, if I had not been led away by the cunningest arts ever a woman devised. I will not speculate on what might have been: if I had loved you, perhaps there would have been no return: had there been, I should have darkened the life of a friend. But this I say; I honor and esteem68 you, Lucy, and the loss of your friendship, if I now lose it, is another evil service which my wife has done me."
Joseph little suspected how he was torturing Lucy. She must have been more than woman, had not a pang69 of wild regret for the lost fortune, and a sting of bitter resentment70 against the woman who had stolen it, wrung71 her heart. She became deadly pale, and felt that her whole body was trembling.
"Joseph," she said, "you should not, must not, speak so to me."
"I suppose not," he answered, letting his head sink wearily; "it is certainly not conventional; but it is true, for all that! I could tell you the whole story, for I can read it backwards72, from now to the beginning, without misunderstanding a word. It would make no difference; she is simple, natural, artless, amiable73, for all the rest of the world, while to me—"
There was such despondency in his voice and posture74, that Lucy, now longing75 more than ever to cheer him, and yet discouraged by the failure of her first attempt, felt sorely troubled.
"You mistake me, Joseph," she said, at last, "if you think you have lost my friendship, my sincerest sympathy. I can see that your disappointment is a bitter one, and my prayer is that you will not make it bitterer by thrusting from you the hopeful and cheerful spirit you once showed. We all have our sore trials."
Lucy found her own words very mechanical, but they were the only ones, that came to her lips. Joseph did not answer; he still sat, stooping, with his elbows on his knees, and his forehead resting on his palms.
"If I am deceived in Julia," she began again, "it is better to judge too kindly76 than too harshly. I know you cannot change your sentence against her now, nor, perhaps, very soon. But you are bound to her for life, and you must labor—it is your sacred duty—to make that life smoother and brighter for both. I do not know how, and I have no right to condemn77 you if you fail. But, Joseph, make the attempt now, when the most unfortunate experience that is likely to come to you is over; make it, and it may chance that, little by little, the old confidence will return, and you will love her again."
Joseph started to his feet. "Love her!" he exclaimed, with suppressed passion,—"love her! I hate her!"
There was a hissing78, rattling79 sound, like that of some fierce animal at bay. The thick foliage80 of two of the tall box-trees was violently parted. The branches snapped and gave way: Julia burst through, and stood before them.
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1
watchfulness
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| 警惕，留心； 警觉（性） | |
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faculty
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| n.才能；学院，系；(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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3
secondly
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| adv.第二，其次 | |
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inexplicable
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| adj.无法解释的，难理解的 | |
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demonstration
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| n.表明，示范，论证，示威 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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condoling
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| v.表示同情，吊唁( condole的现在分词 ) | |
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veranda
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| n.走廊；阳台 | |
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shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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fatigue
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| n.疲劳，劳累 | |
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caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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conceal
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，隐蔽 | |
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stammered
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| v.结巴地说出( stammer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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skunk
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| n.臭鼬，黄鼠狼；v.使惨败，使得零分；烂醉如泥 | |
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vilest
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| adj.卑鄙的( vile的最高级 )；可耻的；极坏的；非常讨厌的 | |
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sneer
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| v.轻蔑；嘲笑；n.嘲笑，讥讽的言语 | |
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dictate
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| v.口授；(使)听写；指令，指示，命令 | |
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recede
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| vi.退(去)，渐渐远去；向后倾斜，缩进 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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legitimate
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| adj.合法的，合理的，合乎逻辑的；v.使合法 | |
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professed
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| 公开声称的，伪称的，已立誓信教的 | |
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subscribed
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| v.捐助( subscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；签署，题词；订阅；同意 | |
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levied
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| 征（兵）( levy的过去式和过去分词 )； 索取； 发动（战争）； 征税 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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splendor
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| n.光彩；壮丽，华丽；显赫，辉煌 | |
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margin
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| n.页边空白；差额；余地，余裕；边，边缘 | |
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dealers
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| n.商人( dealer的名词复数 )；贩毒者；毒品贩子；发牌者 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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unpacked
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| v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的过去式和过去分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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bishop
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| n.主教，（国际象棋）象 | |
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sneering
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| 嘲笑的，轻蔑的 | |
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groaned
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| v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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entrap
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| v.以网或陷阱捕捉，使陷入圈套 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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complexion
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| n.肤色；情况，局面；气质，性格 | |
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sobbing
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| <主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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45
sobs
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| 啜泣（声），呜咽（声）( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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hysterical
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| adj.情绪异常激动的，歇斯底里般的 | |
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prudence
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| n.谨慎，精明，节俭 | |
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repels
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| v.击退( repel的第三人称单数 )；使厌恶；排斥；推开 | |
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repel
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| v.击退，抵制，拒绝，排斥 | |
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50
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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tottered
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| v.走得或动得不稳( totter的过去式和过去分词 )；踉跄；蹒跚；摇摇欲坠 | |
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irresolute
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| adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的 | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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steadfastly
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| adv.踏实地，不变地；岿然；坚定不渝 | |
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eyelids
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| n.眼睑( eyelid的名词复数 )；眼睛也不眨一下；不露声色；面不改色 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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dreaded
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| adj.令人畏惧的；害怕的v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的过去式和过去分词) | |
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atone
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| v.赎罪，补偿 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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defiant
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| adj.无礼的，挑战的 | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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heeding
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| v.听某人的劝告，听从( heed的现在分词 ) | |
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relentless
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| adj.残酷的，不留情的，无怜悯心的 | |
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blessing
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| n.祈神赐福；祷告；祝福，祝愿 | |
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esteem
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| n.尊敬，尊重；vt.尊重，敬重；把…看作 | |
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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resentment
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| n.怨愤，忿恨 | |
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71
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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condemn
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| vt.谴责，指责；宣判(罪犯)，判刑 | |
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hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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foliage
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| n.叶子，树叶，簇叶 | |
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