Weston listened silently to her plans for "getting busy" with prison reform—when she suddenly broke off:
"I don't see that the vote will do much."
He gave her an astonished look. "What! This from you?"
She nodded. "Of course I'm for suffrage4, first, last, and all the time! But I'm sort of discouraged about what we can accomplish. Life is so big." The old cocksureness was gone. The pathos5 of common sense in Freddy made him wince6. "But I've got to do something," she ended. "Miss Eliza told me I was selfish."
[Pg 281]
"Look here! I won't let Cousin Eliza call you names! I reserve that for myself."
She laughed. "You've done it, often enough."
Arthur Weston tickled7 the sleeping Zip and whistled.
"What do you suppose Laura told me the other day?" Fred said. "She said that 'no woman really knew what life meant unless she had a baby.' She said having a baby was like coming out of prison—because 'self' is a prison. Rather tall talk for little Laura, wasn't it?"
"Any of the great human experiences are keys to our prison-house," he said.
"True enough," she agreed; then, abruptly8, her own great experience spoke9: "Isn't it queer? I rather dislike Howard."
"It's unreasonable10. He's the same old Howard—a mighty11 decent chap."
"He's not—what I supposed he was."
"Well, that's your fault, not his. You dressed him up in your ideas; when he got into his own clothes, you didn't like him. Howard never pretended to be anything he wasn't."
"Yes! Yes, he did!" she said, with sudden agitation12. "He used to—listen to me."
"Good heavens, don't hold that up against him! Don't I listen to you?"
"Oh, but you never let me think you agree with me! I always know you don't."
"He agrees far more than I do."
"No," she said, with a somber13 look. "He just let me talk. He didn't care. The things that were real to me[Pg 282] weren't real to him. His real things were—what's happening now. The baby, and Laura. Is it so with all of you? Don't you ever care with your minds?"
He stopped tickling14 Zip, and looked out over the lake with narrowing eyes; after a while he said, gently:
"I think the caring with the mind comes second. When a man falls in love, the mind has nothing to do with it. Sometimes it reinforces the heart, so to speak; when that happens, you have the perfect marriage—which isn't awfully15 common. It's apt to be just the heart; which gets pretty dull after a while. But just the head is arid16."
"He would have found just my head,—arid?" she pondered.
He looked straight at her, and said, quietly: "I think he would."
There was a long pause.
"Was it head, or heart, with you?" she said.
"It's both," he said.
She gave him a puzzled look: "Why, you don't mean that you care for that horrid17 Kate, still?"
He smiled, and looked off over the water.
"You are very stupid, Fred."
She was plainly perplexed18. "I don't understand?"
"That's why I say you are stupid."
His face was turned away from her; he was breaking a dead twig19 into inch-long pieces, and carefully arranging them in a precise fagot on his knee; she saw, with a little shock of surprise, that his fingers were trembling.
"Why, Arthur!" she began,—and stopped short, the color rising slowly to her forehead. He gave her a quick look.
[Pg 283]
"Why!" she said again, faintly, "you don't mean—? you're not—?"
He laughed, opening his hands in a gesture of amused and hopeless assent20. "I am," he said, and flung the tiny fagot out on the water.
Fred dropped her chin on her fists and watched the twigs21 dancing off over the waves. They were both silent; then she said, frowning, and pausing a little between her words as if trying to take in their full meaning:—"You are in love with me."
"Has it just struck you?"
"How could it strike me—that you would care for a girl like me!"
"Considering your intelligence, you are astonishingly obtuse22, at times. I couldn't care for any other kind of girl. Or for any girl, except you!"
"Miss Eliza said something that made me wonder if.... But I couldn't believe it. I thought that sort of thing was over for you. I never dreamed of—"
"Oh, well! don't dream of it now. Of course it doesn't make a particle of difference. I didn't mean to speak of it; it sort of broke loose," he ended, in rueful confession23.
Fred was silent.
Arthur Weston, hiding the tremor24 that was tingling25 all through him, began to talk easily, of anything—Zip, the weather, whether Miss Carter could be induced to reconsider her annual resignation; "It would be very hard on Mrs. Payton to lose her," he said.
"Well," Frederica said, slowly, "I don't see any reason why I shouldn't marry you."
[Pg 284]
He caught his breath; then struck his hand on hers.
"You're a good sport! I take back my accusation26 that you weren't. I could name several reasons why you shouldn't marry me."
"Name them."
"Fred, look here; this is a serious business with me. I can't talk about it."
"I want to talk about it. I'd like to know your reasons."
"To begin with—age."
She nodded. "In years you are older. But I'm not young any more."
The water stung in his eyes; she was right—she was not "young" now. "The next reason," he went on, without looking at her, "is that you are not in love with me."
She thought that over: "But I am fond of you."
"That won't do for marriage."
"It's more than just fondness with you?" she asked, doubtfully.
He caught her hand, kissed it, and flung it from him. "Come!" he said, harshly, "let's go home!" He rose, but she did not move.
"Do you love me?" she insisted, looking up at him.
He was silent. When he spoke his voice was rough with suffering. "I love you as much ... as I can. But it's not worth the taking. I know that. I wouldn't ask you to take it. You ought to have—fire and gold! I spent my gold ten years ago; and the fire burned itself out. Don't talk about it. I feel like lead, sometimes, compared with you. But I'm not adamant27."
She got on her feet, and stood looking out over the[Pg 285] lake. For a long while neither of them spoke. Then she said: "Arthur, I'm not in love with anybody else. I can't imagine, now, how I ever thought I was!"
"You will be in love with somebody else one of these days."
She shook her head. "No; that's all over. There is no fire and gold in me, either. Something—was killed, I think."
"It will come to life."
She gave a little gasp28: "No. It's dead. But what is left is—well, it isn't bad, what's left. Sometimes," she said, with sudden sweet gaiety, "sometimes I think it's better than what Howard and Laura have!"
"No, it isn't," he said, sadly.
"I wonder," she pondered, "if I could have been ... like Laura? She hasn't a thought except for the baby and Howard. They are the center of Life to her;—which is all right, I suppose. But they are its circumference29, too; which seems to me dreadfully cramping30. I never could be like that."
He smiled, in spite of himself. "Nature is a pretty big thing, Fred; when you hold your own child in your arms—" he stopped short. "Life is bigger than theories," he said, in a low voice.
She nodded: "I know what you mean. But I never could be a fool, Arthur."
"I think," he said, and again something in his voice made her catch her breath; "I think you could be,—at moments."
"Better not count on it," she said; "but if you want[Pg 286] me, in spite of my 'arid' head,—you can take me! Of course, just for a minute, when I wrung31 it from you that you—cared, I was rather stunned32, because I didn't believe Miss Eliza knew. But on the whole, I think—I'd like it." She smiled at him, and her eyes brimmed with affection. "You see, we're friends; and you never bore me. Howard would have bored me awfully. So—I will marry you, Arthur."
He was silent. "Rather hard," she said, mischievously33, "to have to offer myself tw—"
"Stop!" he said; "don't say things like that!"
"Well, then—" she began; but he lifted a silencing hand:
"My dear, my dear, I love you too much to marry you."
"Why, then," she said, simply, "you love me, it seems to me, enough to marry me. Don't you see?"
He looked at her with hungry eyes. "I think I am man enough to save you from myself," he said; "but don't—don't tempt34 me too far!"...
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1
willow
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| n.柳树 | |
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willows
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| n.柳树( willow的名词复数 )；柳木 | |
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serene
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| adj. 安详的，宁静的，平静的 | |
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suffrage
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| n.投票，选举权，参政权 | |
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pathos
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| n.哀婉，悲怆 | |
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wince
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| n.畏缩，退避，（因痛苦，苦恼等)面部肌肉抽动；v.畏缩，退缩，退避 | |
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7
tickled
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| （使）发痒( tickle的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）愉快，逗乐 | |
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abruptly
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| adv.突然地，出其不意地 | |
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9
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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10
unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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12
agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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somber
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| adj.昏暗的，阴天的，阴森的，忧郁的 | |
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tickling
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| 反馈，回授，自旋挠痒法 | |
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15
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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16
arid
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| adj.干旱的；(土地)贫瘠的 | |
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horrid
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| adj.可怕的；令人惊恐的；恐怖的；极讨厌的 | |
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perplexed
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| adj.不知所措的 | |
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twig
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| n.小树枝，嫩枝；v.理解 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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twigs
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| 细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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obtuse
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| adj.钝的；愚钝的 | |
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confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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tingling
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| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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accusation
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| n.控告，指责，谴责 | |
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adamant
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| adj.坚硬的，固执的 | |
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gasp
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| n.喘息，气喘；v.喘息；气吁吁他说 | |
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circumference
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| n.圆周，周长，圆周线 | |
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cramping
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| 图像压缩 | |
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31
wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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32
stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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mischievously
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| adv.有害地；淘气地 | |
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34
tempt
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| vt.引诱，勾引，吸引，引起…的兴趣 | |
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