And you weren't even born yet.""What's a mugwort?" Mariam asked"A weed," Nana said. "Something you rip out and toss aside."Mariam frowned internally. Jalil didn't treat her as a weed. Henever had. But Mariam thought it wise to suppress this protest.
"Unlike weeds, I had to be replanted, you see, given food andwater. On account of you. That was the deal Jalil made withhis family."Nana said she had refused to live in Herat.
"For what? To watch him drive hiskinchini wives around townall day?"She said she wouldn't live in her father's empty house either,in the village of Gul Daman, which sat on a steep hill twokilometers north of Herat. She said she wanted to livesomewhere removed, detached, where neighbors wouldn't stareat her belly1, point at her, snicker, or, worse yet, assault herwith insincere kindnesses.
"And, believe me," Nana said, "it was a relief to your fatherhaving me out of sight. It suited him just fine."It was Muhsin, Jalil's eldest2 son by his first wife, Khadija, whosuggested the clearing- It was on the outskirts3 of Gul Daman.
To get to it, one took a rutted, uphill dirt track that branchedoff the main road between Herat and Gul Daman. The trackwas flanked on either side by knee-high grass and speckles ofwhite and bright yellow flowers. The track snaked uphill andled to a flat field where poplars and cottonwoods soared andwild bushes grew in clusters. From up there, one could makeout the tips of the rusted4 blades of Gul Daman's windmill, onthe left, and, on the right, all of Herat spread below. The pathended perpendicular5 to a wide, trout-filled stream, which rolleddown from the Safid-koh mountains surrounding Gul Daman.
Two hundred yards upstream, toward the mountains, there wasa circular grove6 of weeping willow7 trees. In the center, in theshade of the willows8, was the clearing.
Jalil went there to have a look. When he came back, Nanasaid, he sounded like a warden9 bragging10 about the clean wallsand shiny floors of his prison.
"And so, your father built us this rathole."* * *Nana had almost married once, when she was fifteen. Thesuitor had been a boy from Shindand, a young parakeet seller.
Mariam knew the story from Nana herself, and, though Nanadismissed the episode, Mariam could tell by the wistful light inher eyes that she had been happy. Perhaps for the only timein her life, during those days leading up to her wedding, Nanahad been genuinely happy.
As Nana told the story, Mariam sat on her lap and picturedher mother being fitted for a wedding dress. She imagined heron horseback, smiling shyly behind a veiled green gown, herpalms painted red with henna, her hair parted with silver dust,the braids held together by tree sap. She saw musiciansblowing theshahnai flute11 and banging ondohol drums, streetchildren hooting12 and giving chase.
Then, a week before the wedding date,ajinn had enteredNana's body. This required no description to Mariam. She hadwitnessed it enough times with her own eyes: Nana collapsingsuddenly, her body tightening13, becoming rigid14, her eyes rollingback, her arms and legs shaking as if something were throttlingher from the inside, the froth at the corners of her mouth,white, sometimes pink with blood. Then the drowsiness15, thefrightening disorientation, the incoherent mumbling16.
When the news reached Shindand, the parakeet seller's familycalled off the wedding.
"They got spooked" was how Nana put it.
The wedding dress was stashed17 away. After that, there wereno more suitors.
* * *In the clearing, Jalil and two of his sons, Farhad and Muhsin,built the smallkolba where Mariam would live the first fifteenyears of her life. They raised it with sun-dried bricks andplastered it with mud and handfuls of straw. It had twosleeping cots, a wooden table, two straight-backed chairs, awindow, and shelves nailed to the walls where Nana placed claypots and her beloved Chinese tea set. Jalil put in a newcast-iron stove for the winter and stacked logs of choppedwood behind thekolba He added a tandoor outside for makingbread and a chicken coop with a fence around it. He broughta few sheep, built them a feeding trough. He had Farhad andMuhsin dig a deep hole a hundred yards outside the circle ofwillows and built an outhouse over it.
Jalil could have hired laborers19 to build thekolba. Nana said,but he didn't.
"His idea of penance20."* * *LstNana'S account of the day that she gave birth to Mariam,no one came to help. It happened on a damp, overcast21 day inthe spring of 1959, she said, the twenty-sixth year of KingZahir Shah's mostly uneventful forty-year reign22. She said thatJalil hadn't bothered to summon a doctor, or even a midwife,even though he knew thatthejinn might enter her body andcause her to have one of her fits in the act of delivering. Shelay all alone on thekolba's floor, a knife by her side, sweatdrenching her body.
"When the pain got bad, I'd bite on a pillow and scream intoit until I was hoarse23. And still no one came to wipe my faceor give me a drink of water. And you, Mariam jo, you were inno rush. Almost two days you made me lay on that cold, hardfloor. I didn't eat or sleep, all I did was push and pray thatyou would come out.""I'm sorry, Nana.""I cut the cord between us myself. That's why I had a knife.""I'm sorry."Nana always gave a slow, burdened smile here, one oflingering recrimination or reluctant forgiveness, Mariam couldnever tell It did not occur to young Mariam to ponder theunfairness of apologizing for the manner of her own birth.
By the time itdid occur to her, around the time she turnedten, Mariam no longer believed this story of her birth. Shebelieved JaliPs version, that though he'd been away he'darranged for Nana to be taken to a hospital in Herat whereshe had been tended to by a doctor. She had lain on a clean,proper bed in a well-lit room. Jalil shook his head with sadnesswhen Mariam told him about the knife.
Mariam also came to doubt that she had made her mothersuffer for two full days.
"They told me it was all over within under an hour," Jalilsaid. "You were a good daughter, Mariam jo. Even in birthyou were a good daughter.""He wasn't even there!" Nana spat24. "He was in Takht-e-Safar,horseback riding with his precious friends."When they informed him that he had a new daughter, Nanasaid, Jalil had shrugged25, kept brushing his horse's mane, andstayed in Takht-e-Safar another two weeks.
"The truth is, he didn't even hold you until you were amonth old. And then only to look down once, comment onyour longish face, and hand you back to me."Mariam came to disbelieve this part of the story as well. Yes,Jalil admitted, he had been horseback riding in Takht-e-Safar,but, when they gave him the news, he had not shrugged. Hehad hopped18 on the saddle and ridden back to Herat. He hadbounced her in his arms, run his thumb over her flakyeyebrows, and hummed a lullaby. Mariam did not picture Jalilsaying that her face was long, though it was true that it waslong.
Nana said she was the one who'd picked the name Mariambecause it had been the name of her mother. Jalil said hechose the name because Mariam, the tuberose, was a lovelyflower.
"Your favorite?" Mariam asked.
"Well, one of," he said and smiled.
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收听单词发音
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1
belly
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| n.肚子，腹部；(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分，膛 | |
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2
eldest
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| adj.最年长的，最年老的 | |
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3
outskirts
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| n.郊外，郊区 | |
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rusted
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| v.（使）生锈( rust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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perpendicular
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| adj.垂直的，直立的；n.垂直线，垂直的位置 | |
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6
grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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7
willow
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| n.柳树 | |
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8
willows
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| n.柳树( willow的名词复数 )；柳木 | |
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9
warden
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| n.监察员，监狱长，看守人，监护人 | |
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10
bragging
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| v.自夸，吹嘘( brag的现在分词 )；大话 | |
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11
flute
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| n.长笛；v.吹笛 | |
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12
hooting
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| （使）作汽笛声响，作汽车喇叭声( hoot的现在分词 )； 倒好儿； 倒彩 | |
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13
tightening
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| 上紧，固定，紧密 | |
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rigid
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| adj.严格的，死板的；刚硬的，僵硬的 | |
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15
drowsiness
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| n.睡意；嗜睡 | |
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16
mumbling
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的现在分词 ) | |
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17
stashed
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| v.贮藏( stash的过去式和过去分词 )；隐藏；藏匿；藏起 | |
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18
hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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19
laborers
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| n.体力劳动者，工人( laborer的名词复数 )；（熟练工人的）辅助工 | |
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20
penance
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| n.（赎罪的）惩罪 | |
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21
overcast
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| adj.阴天的，阴暗的，愁闷的；v.遮盖，（使）变暗，包边缝；n.覆盖，阴天 | |
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22
reign
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| n.统治时期，统治，支配，盛行；v.占优势 | |
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23
hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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24
spat
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| n.口角，掌击；v.发出呼噜呼噜声 | |
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25
shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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