The work is not cumbersome2, and, on their days off, she andTariq take the children to ride the chairlift to Patriata hill, orgo to Pindi Point, where, on a clear day, you can see as faras Islamabad and downtown Rawalpindi. There, they spread ablanket on the grass and eat meatball sandwiches withcucumbers and drink cold ginger3 ale.
It is a good life, Laila tells herself, a life to be thankful for. Itis, in fact, precisely4 the sort of life she used to dream forherself in her darkest days with Rasheed. Every day, Lailareminds herself of this.
Then one warm night in July 2002, she and Tariq are lyingin bed talking in hushed voices about all the changes backhome. There have been so many. The coalition5 forces havedriven the Taliban out of every major city, pushed them acrossthe border to Pakistan and to the mountains in the south andeast of Afghanistan. ISAF, an international peacekeeping force,has been sent to Kabul. The country has an interim6 presidentnow, Hamid Karzai.
Laila decides that now is the time to tell Tariq.
A year ago, she would have gladly given an arm to get out ofKabul. But in the last few months, she has found herselfmissing the city of her childhood. She misses the bustle8 of ShorBazaar, the Gardens of Babur, the call of the water carrierslugging their goatskin bags. She misses the garment hagglers atChicken Street and the melon hawkers in Karteh-Parwan.
But it isn't mere9 homesickness or nostalgia10 that has Lailathinking of Kabul so much these days. She has becomeplagued by restlessness. She hears of schools built in Kabul,roads repaved, women returning to work, and her life here,pleasant as it is, grateful as she is for it, seems… insufficient11 toher. Inconsequential Worse yet, wasteful12. Of late, she hasstarted hearing Babi's voice in her head.You can be anythingyou want, Laila, he says.I know this about you. And Ialsoknow that when this war is over, Afghanistan is going to needyou.
Laila hears Mammy's voice too. She remembers Mammy'sresponse to Babi when he would suggest that they leaveAfghanistan.Iwant to see my sons' dream come true. I want tobe there when it happens, when Afghanistan is free, so theboys see it too. They'll see it through my eyes. There is a partof Laila now that wants to return to Kabul, for Mammy andBabi, for them to see it throughher eyes.
And then, most compellingly for Laila, there is Mariam. DidMariam die for this? Laila asks herself. Did she sacrifice herselfso she, Laila, could be a maid in a foreign land? Maybe itwouldn't matter to Mariam what Laila did as long as she andthe children were safe and happy. But it matters to Laila.
Suddenly, it matters very much.
"I want to go back," she says.
Tariq sits up in bed and looks down at her.
Laila is struck again by how beautiful he is, the perfect curveof his forehead, the slender muscles of his arms, his brooding,intelligent eyes. A year has passed, and still there are times, atmoments like this, when Laila cannot believe that they havefound each other again, that he is really here, with her, that heis her husband.
"Back? To Kabul?" he asks.
"Onlyif you want it too.""Are you unhappy here? You seem happy. The children too."Laila sits up. Tariq shifts on the bed, makes room for her.
"Iam happy," Laila says. "Of course I am. But…where do wego from here, Tariq? How long do we stay? This isn't home.
Kabul is, and back there so much is happening, a lot of itgood. I want to be a part of it all. I want todo something. Iwant to contribute. Do you understand?"Tariq nods slowly. "This is what you want, then? You'resure?""I want it, yes, I'm sure. But it's more than that. I feel likeIhave to go back. Staying here, it doesn't feel right anymore."Tariq looks at his hands, then back up at her.
"But only-only-if you want to go too."Tariq smiles. The furrows13 from his brow clear, and for a briefmoment he is the old Tariq again, the Tariq who did not getheadaches, who had once said that in Siberia snot turned toice before it hit the ground. It may be her imagination, butLaila believes there are more frequent sightings of this old Tariqthese clays.
"Me?" he says. "I'll follow you to the end of the world, Laila."She pulls him close and kisses his lips. She believes she hasnever loved him more than at this moment. "Thank you," shesays, her forehead resting against his.
"Let's go home.""But first, I want to go to Herat," she says.
"Herat?"Laila explains.
* * *The children need reassuring14, each in their own way. Lailahas to sit down with an agitated15 Aziza, who still hasnightmares, who'd been startled to tears the week before whensomeone had shot rounds into the sky at a wedding nearby.
Laila has to explain to Aziza that when they return to Kabulthe Taliban won't be there, that there will not be any fighting,and that she will not be sent back to the orphanage17. "We'll alllive together. Your father, me, Zalmai. And you, Aziza. You'llnever, ever, have to be apart from me again. I promise." Shesmiles at her daughter. "Until the dayyou want to, that is.
When you fall in love with some young man and want tomarry him."On the day they leave Murree, Zalmai is inconsolable. He haswrapped his arms around Alyona's neck and will not let go.
"I can't pry18 him off of her, Mammy," says Aziza.
"Zalmai. We can't take a goat on the bus," Laila explainsagain.
It isn't until Tariq kneels down beside him, until he promisesZalmai that he will buy him a goat just like Alyona in Kabul,that Zalmai reluctantly lets go.
There are tearful farewells with Sayeed as well For good luck,he holds a Koran by the doorway19 for Tariq, Laila, and thechildren to kiss three times, then holds it high so they canpass under it. He helps Tariq load the two suitcases into thetrunk of his car. It is Sayeed who drives them to the station,who stands on the curb20 waving good-bye as the bus sputtersand pulls away.
As she leans back and watches Sayeed receding21 in the rearwindow of the bus, Laila hears the voice of doubt whispering inher head. Are they being foolish, she wonders, leaving behindthe safety of Murree? Going back to the land where herparents and brothers perished, where the smoke of bombs isonly now settling?
And then, from the darkened spirals of her memory, rise twolines of poetry, Babi's farewell ode to Kabul:
One could not count the moons that shimmer22 on her roofs,Or the thousand splendid suns that hide behind her -walls.
Laila settles back in her seat, blinking the wetness from hereyes. Kabul is waiting. Needing. This journey home is the rightthing to do.
But first there is one last farewell to be said.
* * *The wars in Afghanistan have ravaged23 the roads connectingKabul, Herat, and Kandahar. The easiest way to Herat now isthrough Mashad, in Iran. Laila and her family are there onlyovernight. They spend the night at a hotel, and, the nextmorning, they board another bus.
Mashad is a crowded, bustling24 city. Laila watches as parks,mosques, andchelo kebab restaurants pass by. When the buspasses the shrine25 to Imam Reza, the eighth Shi'a imam, Lailacranes her neck to get a better view of its glistening26 tiles, theminarets, the magnificent golden dome27, all of it immaculatelyand lovingly preserved. She thinks of the Buddhas28 in her owncountry. They are grains of dust now, blowing about theBamiyan Valley in the wind.
The bus ride to the Iranian-Afghan border takes almost tenhours. The terrain29 grows more desolate30, more barren, as theynear Afghanistan. Shortly before they cross the border intoHerat, they pass an Afghan refugee camp. To Laila, it is a blurof yellow dust and black tents and scanty31 structures made ofcorrugated-steel sheets. She reaches across the seat and takesTariq's hand.
* * *In Herat, most of the streets are paved, lined with fragrantpines. There are municipal parks and libraries in reconstruction,manicured courtyards, freshly painted buildings. The traffic lightswork, and, most surprisingly to Laila, electricity is steady. Lailahas heard that Herat's feudal-style warlord, Ismail Khan, hashelped rebuild the city with the considerable customs revenuethat he collects at the Afghan-Iranian border, money that Kabulsays belongs not to him but to the central government. Thereis both a reverential and fearful tone when the taxi driver whotakes them to Muwaffaq Hotel mentions Ismail Khan's name.
The two-night stay at the Muwaffaq will cost them nearly afifth of their savings32, but the trip from Mashad has been longand wearying, and the children are exhausted33. The elderly clerkat the desk tells Tariq, as he fetches the room key, that theMuwaffaq is popular with journalists and NGO workers.
"Bin34 Laden35 slept here once," he boasts.
The room has two beds, and a bathroom with running coldwater. There is a painting of the poet Khaja Abdullah Ansaryon the wall between the beds. From the window, Laila has aview of the busy street below, and of a park across the streetwith pastel-colored-brick paths cutting through thick clusters offlowers. The children, who have grown accustomed to television,are disappointed that there isn't one in the room. Soonenough, though, they are asleep. Soon enough, Tariq and Lailatoo have collapsed36. Laila sleeps soundly in Tariq's arms, exceptfor once in the middle of the night when she wakes from adream she cannot remember.
* * *The next morning, after a breakfast of tea with fresh bread,quince marmalade, and boiled eggs, Tariq finds her a taxi.
"Are you sure you don't want me to come along?" Tariq says.
Aziza is holding his hand Zalmai isn't, but he is standing37 closeto Tariq, leaning one shoulder on Tariq's hip38.
"I'm sure.""I worry.""I'll be fine," Laila says. "I promise. Take the children to amarket. Buy them something."Zalmai begins to cry when the taxi pulls away, and, whenLaila looks back, she sees that he is reaching for Tariq. Thathe is beginning to accept Tariq both eases and breaks Laila'sheart.
* * *"You're not from herat," the driver says.
He has dark, shoulder-length hair-a common thumbing of thenose at the departed Taliban, Laila has discovered-and somekind of scar interrupting his mustache on the left side. There isa photo taped to the windshield, on his side. It's of a younggirl with pink cheeks and hair parted down the middle intotwin braids.
Laila tells him that she has been in Pakistan for the last year,that she is returning to Kabul. "Deh-Mazang."Through the windshield, she sees coppersmiths welding brasshandles to jugs39, saddlemakers laying out cuts of rawhide40 to dryin the sun.
"Have you lived here long, brother?" she asks.
"Oh, my whole life. I was born here. I've seen everything.
You remember the uprising?"Laila says she does, but he goes on.
"This was back in March 1979, about nine months before theSoviets invaded. Some angry Heratis killed a few Sovietadvisers, so the Soviets41 sent in tanks and helicopters andpounded this place. For three days,hamshira, they fired on thecity. They collapsed buildings, destroyed one of the minarets,killed thousands of people.Thousands. I lost two sisters in thosethree days. One of them was twelve years old." He taps thephoto on his windshield. "That's her.""I'm sorry," Laila says, marveling at how every Afghan story ismarked by death and loss and unimaginable grief. And yet, shesees, people find a way to survive, to go on. Laila thinks ofher own life and all that has happened to her, and she isastonished that she too has survived, that she is alive andsitting in this taxi listening to this man'sstory.
* * *Gul Daman is a village of a few walled houses rising amongflatkolbas built with mud and straw. Outside thekolbas, Lailasees sunburned women cooking, their faces sweating in steamrising from big blackened pots set on makeshift firewood grills42.
Mules43 eat from troughs. Children giving chase to chickens beginchasing the taxi. Laila sees men pushing wheelbarrows filledwith stones. They stop and watch the car pass by. The drivertakes a turn, and they pass a cemetery44 with a weather-wornmausoleum in the center of it. The driver tells her that avillage Sufi is buried there.
There is a windmill too. In the shadow of its idle, rust45-coloredvanes, three little boys are squatting46, playing with mud. Thedriver pulls over and leans out of the window. Theoldest-looking of the three boys is the one to answer. Hepoints to a house farther up the road. The driver thanks him,puts the car back in gear.
He parks outside the walled, one-story house. Laila sees thetops of fig16 trees above the walls, some of the branches spillingover the side.
"I won't be long," she says to the driver.
* * *The middle-aged47 man who opens the door is short, thin,russet-haired. His beard is streaked48 with parallel stripes of gray.
He is wearing achapan over hispirhan-tumban.
They exchangesalaam alaykums.
"Is this Mullah Faizullah's house?" Laila asks.
"Yes. I am his son, Hamza. Is there something I can do foryou,hamshireh? ”
"I've come here about an old friend of your father's, Mariam."Hamza blinks. A puzzled look passes across his face.
"Mariam…""Jalil Khan's daughter."He blinks again. Then he puts a palm to his cheek and hisface lights up with a smile that reveals missing and rottingteeth. "Oh!" he says. It comes out sounding likeOhhhhhh, likean expelled breath. "Oh! Mariam! Are you her daughter? Isshe-" He is twisting his neck now, looking behind her eagerly,searching. "Is she here? It's been so long! Is Mariam here?""She has passed on, I'm afraid."The smile fades from Hamza's face.
For a moment, they stand there, at the doorway, Hamzalooking at the ground. A donkey brays49 somewhere.
"Come in," Hamza says. He swings the door open. "Pleasecome in."* * *They srr on the floor in a sparsely50 furnished room. There isa Herati rug on the floor, beaded cushions to sit on, and aframed photo of Mecca on the wall They sit by the openwindow, on either side of an oblong patch of sunlight- Lailahears women's voices whispering from another room. A littlebarefoot boy places before them a platter of green tea andpistachiogaaz nougats. Hamza nods at him.
"My son."The boy leaves soundlessly.
"So tell me," Hamza says tiredly.
Laila does. She tells him everything. It takes longer than she'dimagined. Toward the end, she struggles to maintaincomposure. It still isn't easy, one year later, talking aboutMariam.
When she's done, Hamza doesn't say anything for a longtime. He slowly turns his teacup on its saucer, one way, thenthe other.
"My father, may he rest in peace, was so very fond of her,"he says at last. "He was the one who sangazan in her earwhen she was born, you know. He visited her every week,never missed. Sometimes he took me with him. He was hertutor, yes, but he was a friend too. He was a charitable man,my father. It nearly broke him when Jalil Khan gave heraway.""I'm sorry to hear about your father. May God forgive him."Hamza nods his thanks. "He lived to be a very old man. Heoutlived Jalil Khan, in fact. We buried him in the villagecemetery, not far from where Mariam's mother is buried. Myfather was a dear, dear man, surely heaven-bound."Laila lowers her cup.
"May I ask you something?""Of course.""Can you show me?" she says. "Where Mariam lived. Canyou take me there?"* * *The driver agrees to wait awhile longer.
Hamza and Laila exit the village and walk downhill on theroad that connects Gul Daman to Herat. After fifteen minutesor so, he points to a narrow gap in the tall grass that flanksthe road on both sides.
"That's how you get there," he says. "There is a path there."The path is rough, winding51, and dim, beneath the vegetationand undergrowth. The wind makes the tall grass slam againstLaila's calves52 as she and Hamza climb the path, take the turns.
On either side of them is a kaleidoscope of wilciflowers swayingin the wind, some tall with curved petals53, others low, fan-leafed.
Here and there a few ragged54 buttercups peep through the lowbushes. Laila hears the twitter of swallows overhead and thebusy chatter55 of grasshoppers56 underfoot.
They walk uphill this way for two hundred yards or more.
Then the path levels, and opens into a flatter patch of land.
They stop, catch their breath. Laila dabs57 at her brow with hersleeve and bats at a swarm58 of mosquitoes hovering59 in front ofher face. Here she sees the low-slung mountains in thehorizon, a few cottonwoods, some poplars, various wild bushesthat she cannot name.
"There used to be a stream here," Hamza says, a little out ofbreath. "But it's long dried up now."He says he will wait here. He tells her to cross the drystreambed, walk toward the mountains.
"I'll wait here," he says, sitting on a rock beneath a poplar.
"You go on.""I won't-""Don't worry. Take your time. Go on,hamshireh. "Laila thanks him. She crosses the streambed, stepping fromone stone to another. She spots broken soda60 bottles amid therocks, rusted61 cans, and a mold-coated metallic62 container with azinc lid half buried in the ground.
She heads toward the mountains, toward the weeping willows64,which she can see now, the long drooping65 branches shakingwith each gust66 of wind. In her chest, her heart is drumming.
She sees that the willows are arranged as Mariam had said, ina circular grove67 with a clearing in the middle. Laila walks faster,almost running now. She looks back over her shoulder andsees that Hamza is a tiny figure, hischapan a burst of coloragainst the brown of the trees' bark. She trips over a stoneand almost falls, then regains68 her footing. She hurries the restof the way with the legs of her trousers pulled up. She ispanting by the time she reaches the willows.
Mariam'skolba is still here.
When she approaches it, Laila sees that the lone69 windowpaneis empty and that the door is gone. Mariam had described achicken coop and a tandoor, a wooden outhouse too, but Lailasees no sign of them. She pauses at the entrance to thekolbaShe can hear flies buzzing inside.
To get in, she has to sidestep a large fluttering spiderweb. It'sdim inside. Laila has to give her eyes a few moments toadjust. When they do, she sees that the interior is even smallerthan she'd imagined. Only half of a single rotting, splinteredboard remains70 of the floorboards. The rest, she imagines, havebeen ripped up for burning as firewood. The floor is carpetednow with dry-edged leaves, broken bottles, discarded chewinggum wrappers, wild mushrooms, old yellowed cigarette butts71.
But mostly with weeds, some stunted72, some springingimpudently halfway73 up the walls.
Fifteen years, Laila thinks. Fifteen years in this place.
Laila sits down, her back to the wall. She listens to the windfiltering through the willows. There are more spiderwebsstretched across the ceiling. Someone has spray-paintedsomething on one of the walls, but much of it has sloughedoff, and Laila cannot decipher what it says. Then she realizesthe letters are Russian. There is a deserted74 bird's nest in onecorner and a bat hanging upside down in another corner,where the wall meets the low ceiling.
Laila closes her eyes and sits there awhile.
In Pakistan, it was difficult sometimes to remember the detailsof Mariam's face. There were times when, like a word on thetip of her tongue, Mariam's face eluded75 her. But now, here inthis place, it's easy to summon Mariam behind the lids of hereyes: the soft radiance of her gaze, the long chin, thecoarsened skin of her neck, the tight-lipped smile. Here, Lailacan lay her cheek on the softness of Mariam's lap again, canfeel Mariam swaying back and forth76, reciting verses from theKoran, can feel the words vibrating down Mariam's body, toher knees, and into her own ears.
Then, suddenly, the weeds begin to recede77, as if something ispulling them by the roots from beneath the ground. They sinklower and lower until the earth in thekolba has swallowed thelast of their spiny78 leaves. The spiderwebs magically unspinthemselves. The bird's nest self-disassembles, the twigs79 snappingloose one by one, flying out of thekolba end over end. Aninvisible eraser wipes the Russian graffiti off the wall.
The floorboards are back. Laila sees a pair of sleeping cotsnow, a wooden table, two chairs, a cast-iron stove in thecorner, shelves along the walls, on which sit clay pots andpans, a blackened teakettle, cups and spoons. She hearschickens clucking outside, the distant gurgling of the stream.
A young Mariam is sitting at the table making a doll by theglow of an oil lamp. She's humming something. Her face issmooth and youthful, her hair washed, combed back. She hasall her teeth.
Laila watches Mariam glue strands80 of yam onto her doll'shead. In a few years, this little girl will be a woman who willmake small demands on life, who will never burden others,who will never let on that she too has had sorrows,disappointments, dreams that have been ridiculed81. A womanwho will be like a rock in a riverbed, enduring withoutcomplaint, her grace not sullied butshaped by the turbulencethat washes over her. Already Laila sees something behind thisyoung girl's eyes, something deep in her core, that neitherRasheed nor the Taliban will be able to break. Something ashard and unyielding as a block of limestone82. Something that, inthe end, will beher undoing83 and Laila's salvation84.
The little girl looks up. Puts down the doll. Smiles.
Laila jo?
Laila's eyes snap open. She gasps85, and her body pitchesforward. She startles the bat, which zips from one end ofthekolba to the other, its beating wings like the fluttering pagesof a book, before it flies out the window.
Laila gets to her feet, beats the dead leaves from the seat ofher trousers. She steps out of thekolba Outside, the light hasshifted slightly. A wind is blowing, making the grass ripple86 andthe willow63 branches click.
Before she leaves the clearing, Laila takes one last look atthekolba where Mariam had slept, eaten, dreamed, held herbreath for Jalil. On sagging87 walls, the willows cast crookedpatterns that shift with each gust of wind. A crow has landedon the flat roof. It pecks at something, squawks, flies off.
"Good-bye, Mariam."And, with that, unaware88 that she is weeping, Laila begins torun through the grass.
She finds Hamza still sitting on the rock. When he spots her,he stands up.
"Let's go back," he says. Then, "I have something to giveyou."* * *Laila watts89 for Hamza in the garden by the front door. Theboy who had served them tea earlier is standing beneath oneof the fig trees holding a chicken, watching her impassively.
Laila spies two faces, an old woman and a young girl inhijabobserving her demurely90 from a window.
The door to the house opens and Hamza emerges. He iscarrying a box.
He gives it to Laila.
"Jalil Khan gave this to my father a month or so before hedied/' Hamza says. "He asked my father to safeguard it forMariam until she came to claim it. My father kept it for twoyears. Then, just before he passed away, he gave it to me,and asked me to save it for Mariam. But she…you know, shenever came."Laila looks down at the oval-shaped tin box. It looks like anold chocolate box. It's olive green, with fading gilt91 scrolls92 allaround the hinged lid There is a little rust on the sides, andtwo tiny dents93 on the front rim7 of the lid. Laila tries to openthe box, but the latch94 is locked.
"What's in it?" she asks.
Hamza puts a key in her palm. "My father never unlocked it.
Neither did 1.Isuppose it was God's will that it be you."* * *Back at the hotel, Tariq and the children are not back yet.
Laila sits on the bed, the box on her lap. Part of her wantsto leave it unopened, let whatever Jalil had intended remain asecret. But, in the end, the curiosity proves too strong. Sheslides in the key. It takes some rattling95 and shaking, but sheopens the box.
In it, she finds three things: an envelope, a burlap sack, anda videocassette.
Laila takes the tape and goes down to the reception desk.
She learns from the elderly clerk who had greeted them theday before that the hotel has only one VCR, in its biggest suite96.
The suite is vacant at the moment, and he agrees to take her.
He leaves the desk to a mustachioed young man in a suit whois talking on a cellular97 phone.
The old clerk leads Laila to the second floor, to a door at theend of a long hallway. He works the lock, lets her in.
Laila's eyes find the TV in the corner. They register nothingelse about the suite-She turns on the TV, turns on the VCR.
Puts the tape in and pushes the play button. The screen isblank for a few moments, and Laila begins to wonder why Jalilhad gone to the trouble of passing a blank tape to Mariam.
But then there is music, and images begin to play on thescreen.
Laila frowns. She keeps watching for a minute or two. Thenshe pushes stop, fast-forwards the tape, and pushes play again.
It's the same film.
The old man is looking at her quizzically.
The film playing on the screen is Walt Disney'sPinocchio. Lailadoes not understand.
* * *Tariq and the children come back to the hotel just after sixo'clock. Aziza runs to Laila and shows her theearrings Tariq has bought for her, silver with an enamelbutterfly on each. Zalmai is clutching an inflatable dolphin thatsqueaks when its snout is squeezed.
"How are you?" Tariq asks, putting his arm around hershoulder.
"I'm fine," Laila says. "I'll tell you later."They walk to a nearby kebab house to eat. It's a small place,with sticky, vinyl tablecloths98, smoky and loud But the lamb istender and moist and the bread hot. They walk the streets fora while after. Tariq buys the children rosewater ice cream froma street-side kiosk. They eat, sitting on a bench, the mountainsbehind them silhouetted99 against the scarlet100 red of dusk. The airis warm, rich with the fragrance101 of cedar102.
Laila had opened the envelope earlier when she'd come backto the room after viewing the videotape. In it was a letter,handwritten in blue ink on a yellow, lined sheet of paper.
It read:
May 13, 1987My dear Mariam:
I pray that this letter finds you in good healthAs you kno w, I came to Kabul a month ago to speak withyou. Bui you would not see me. Iwas disappointed but couldnot blame you. In your place, Imight have done the same. Ilostthe privilege of your good graces a long time ago and for thatI only have myself to blame. Bui if you are reading this letter,then you have read the letter that Ilefi at your door. You haveread it and you have come to see Mullah Faizullah, as I hadasked that you do. Iam grateful that you did, Mariam jo. Iamgrateful for this chance to say a few words to you.
Where do I begin?
Your father has known so much sorrow since we last spoke,Mariamjo. Your stepmother Afsoon was killed on the first dayof the 1979 uprising. A stray bullet killed your sister Niloufarthat same day. Ican still see her, my Utile Niloufar, doingheadsiands to impress guests. Your brother Farhad joined thejihad in J 980. The Soviets killed him in J 982, just outsideofHelmand. I never got to see his body. I don 'i know if youhave children of your own, Mariamjo, but if you do I praythat God look after them and spare you the grief that Ihaveknown. I still dream of them. I still dream of my deadchildren.
I have dreams of you too, Mariam jo. Imiss you. Imiss thesound of your voice, your laughter. I miss reading to you, andall those times we fished together. Do you remember all thosetimes we fished together? You were a good daughter, Mariamjo, and I cannot ever think of you without feeling shame andregret. Regret… When it comes to you, Mariamjo, I haveoceans of it. I regret that I did not see you the day you cameto Herat. I regret that I did not open the door and take youin. I regret that I did not make you a daughter to me, ihatlleiyou live in that place for all those years. Andfor what? Fearof losing face? Of staining my so-called good name? How Utilethose things matter to me now after all the loss, all the terriblethings Ihave seen in this cursed war. Bui now, of course, it istoo late. Perhaps this is just punishment for those who havebeen heartless, to understand only when nothing can beundone. Now all Ican do is say that you were a gooddaughter, Mariamjo, and that Inever deserved you. Now all Ican do is ask for your forgiveness. So forgive me, Mariamjo.
Forgive me. Forgive me. Forgive me.
I am not the wealthy man you once knew. The communistsconfiscated so much of my land, and all of my stores as well.
But it is petty to complain, for God-for reasons that I do notunderstand-has still blessed me with far more than mostpeople. Since my return from Kabul, Ihave managed to sellwhat Utile remained of my land. I have enclosed for you yourshare of the inheritance. You can see that it is far fromafortune, but it is something. It is something. (You will alsonotice that I have taken the liberty of exchanging the moneyinto dollars. I think it is for the best God alone knows the fateof our own beleaguered103 currency.)I hope you do not think that I am trying to buy yourforgiveness. I hope you will credit me with knowing that yourforgiveness is not for sale. It never was. I am merely givingyou, if belatedly, what was rightfully yours all along. I was nota dutiful father to you in life. Perhaps in death I can be.
Ah, death. I won't burden you with details, but death is withinsight for me now. Weak heart, the doctors say. It is a fittingmanner of death, I think, for a weak man.
Mariamjo,I dare, I dare allow myself the hope that, after you read this,you will be more charitable to me than I ever was to you.
That you might find it in your heart to come and see yourfather. That you will knock on my door one more time andgive me the chance to open it this time, to welcome you, totake you in my arms, my daughter, as I should have all thoseyears ago. It is a hope as weak as my heart. This I know. ButI will be waiting. I will be listening for your knock I will behoping.
May God grant you a long and prosperous life, my daughter.
May God give you many healthy and beautiful children. Mayyou find the happiness, peace, and acceptance that I did notgive you. Be well. I leave you in the loving hands of God.
Your undeserving father, JalilThat night, after they return to the hotel, after the childrenhave played and gone to bed, Laila tells Tariq about the letter.
She shows him the money in the burlap sack. When shebegins to cry, he kisses her face and holds her in his arms.
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1
tranquillity
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| n. 平静, 安静 | |
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cumbersome
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| adj.笨重的，不便携带的 | |
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3
ginger
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| n.姜，精力，淡赤黄色；adj.淡赤黄色的；vt.使活泼，使有生气 | |
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4
precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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coalition
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| n.结合体，同盟，结合，联合 | |
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interim
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| adj.暂时的，临时的；n.间歇，过渡期间 | |
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rim
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| n.(圆物的)边，轮缘；边界 | |
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bustle
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| v.喧扰地忙乱，匆忙，奔忙；n.忙碌；喧闹 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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10
nostalgia
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| n.怀乡病，留恋过去，怀旧 | |
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insufficient
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| adj.(for，of)不足的，不够的 | |
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12
wasteful
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| adj.（造成）浪费的，挥霍的 | |
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13
furrows
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| n.犁沟( furrow的名词复数 )；（脸上的）皱纹v.犁田，开沟( furrow的第三人称单数 ) | |
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14
reassuring
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| a.使人消除恐惧和疑虑的，使人放心的 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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fig
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| n.无花果(树) | |
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17
orphanage
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| n.孤儿院 | |
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18
pry
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| vi.窥(刺)探，打听；vt.撬动(开，起) | |
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19
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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20
curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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21
receding
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| v.逐渐远离( recede的现在分词 )；向后倾斜；自原处后退或避开别人的注视；尤指问题 | |
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22
shimmer
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| v./n.发微光，发闪光；微光 | |
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23
ravaged
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| 毁坏( ravage的过去式和过去分词 )； 蹂躏； 劫掠； 抢劫 | |
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24
bustling
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| adj.喧闹的 | |
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25
shrine
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| n.圣地，神龛，庙；v.将...置于神龛内，把...奉为神圣 | |
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26
glistening
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| adj.闪耀的，反光的v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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27
dome
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| n.圆屋顶，拱顶 | |
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28
Buddhas
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| n.佛，佛陀，佛像( Buddha的名词复数 ) | |
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29
terrain
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| n.地面，地形，地图 | |
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30
desolate
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| adj.荒凉的，荒芜的；孤独的，凄凉的；v.使荒芜，使孤寂 | |
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31
scanty
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| adj.缺乏的，仅有的，节省的，狭小的，不够的 | |
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32
savings
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| n.存款，储蓄 | |
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33
exhausted
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| adj.极其疲惫的，精疲力尽的 | |
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34
bin
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| n.箱柜；vt.放入箱内；[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件 | |
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35
laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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36
collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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37
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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38
hip
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| n.臀部，髋；屋脊 | |
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39
jugs
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| （有柄及小口的）水壶( jug的名词复数 ) | |
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40
rawhide
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| n.生牛皮 | |
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41
soviets
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| 苏维埃（Soviet的复数形式） | |
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42
grills
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| n.烤架( grill的名词复数 )；（一盘）烤肉；格板；烧烤餐馆v.烧烤( grill的第三人称单数 )；拷问，盘问 | |
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43
mules
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| 骡( mule的名词复数 )； 拖鞋； 顽固的人； 越境运毒者 | |
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44
cemetery
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| n.坟墓，墓地，坟场 | |
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45
rust
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| n.锈；v.生锈；(脑子)衰退 | |
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46
squatting
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的现在分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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47
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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48
streaked
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| adj.有条斑纹的，不安的v.快速移动( streak的过去式和过去分词 )；使布满条纹 | |
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49
brays
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| n.驴叫声，似驴叫的声音( bray的名词复数 )；（喇叭的）嘟嘟声v.发出驴叫似的声音( bray的第三人称单数 )；发嘟嘟声；粗声粗气地讲话（或大笑）；猛击 | |
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50
sparsely
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| adv.稀疏地；稀少地；不足地；贫乏地 | |
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51
winding
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| n.绕，缠，绕组，线圈 | |
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52
calves
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| n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子，腓；腿肚子( calf的名词复数 )；牛犊；腓；小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 )；（冰川）崩解；生（小牛等），产（犊）；使（冰川）崩解 | |
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53
petals
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| n.花瓣( petal的名词复数 ) | |
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54
ragged
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| adj.衣衫褴褛的，粗糙的，刺耳的 | |
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55
chatter
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| vi.／n.喋喋不休；短促尖叫；(牙齿)打战 | |
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56
grasshoppers
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| n.蚱蜢( grasshopper的名词复数 )；蝗虫；蚂蚱；（孩子）矮小的 | |
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57
dabs
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| 少许( dab的名词复数 )； 是…能手； 做某事很在行； 在某方面技术熟练 | |
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58
swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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59
hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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60
soda
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| n.苏打水；汽水 | |
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61
rusted
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| v.（使）生锈( rust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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62
metallic
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| adj.金属的；金属制的；含金属的；产金属的；像金属的 | |
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63
willow
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| n.柳树 | |
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64
willows
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| n.柳树( willow的名词复数 )；柳木 | |
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65
drooping
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| adj. 下垂的，无力的 动词droop的现在分词 | |
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66
gust
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| n.阵风，突然一阵（雨、烟等），（感情的）迸发 | |
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67
grove
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| n.林子，小树林，园林 | |
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68
regains
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| 复得( regain的第三人称单数 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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69
lone
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| adj.孤寂的，单独的；唯一的 | |
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70
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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71
butts
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| 笑柄( butt的名词复数 )； （武器或工具的）粗大的一端； 屁股； 烟蒂 | |
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72
stunted
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| adj.矮小的；发育迟缓的 | |
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73
halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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74
deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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75
eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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76
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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77
recede
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| vi.退(去)，渐渐远去；向后倾斜，缩进 | |
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78
spiny
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| adj.多刺的，刺状的；n.多刺的东西 | |
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79
twigs
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| 细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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80
strands
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| n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 ) | |
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81
ridiculed
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| v.嘲笑，嘲弄，奚落( ridicule的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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82
limestone
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| n.石灰石 | |
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83
undoing
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| n.毁灭的原因，祸根；破坏，毁灭 | |
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84
salvation
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| n.（尤指基督）救世，超度，拯救，解困 | |
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85
gasps
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| v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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86
ripple
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| n.涟波，涟漪，波纹，粗钢梳；vt.使...起涟漪，使起波纹； vi.呈波浪状，起伏前进 | |
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87
sagging
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| 下垂[沉，陷]，松垂，垂度 | |
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88
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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89
watts
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| （电力计量单位）瓦，瓦特( watt的名词复数 ) | |
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90
demurely
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| adv.装成端庄地，认真地 | |
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91
gilt
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| adj.镀金的；n.金边证券 | |
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92
scrolls
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| n.（常用于录写正式文件的）纸卷( scroll的名词复数 )；卷轴；涡卷形（装饰）；卷形花纹v.（电脑屏幕上）从上到下移动（资料等），卷页( scroll的第三人称单数 )；（似卷轴般）卷起；（像展开卷轴般地）将文字显示于屏幕 | |
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93
dents
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| n.花边边饰；凹痕( dent的名词复数 )；凹部；减少；削弱v.使产生凹痕( dent的第三人称单数 )；损害；伤害；挫伤（信心、名誉等） | |
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94
latch
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| n.门闩，窗闩；弹簧锁 | |
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95
rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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96
suite
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| n.一套(家具)；套房；随从人员 | |
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cellular
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| adj.移动的；细胞的，由细胞组成的 | |
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tablecloths
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| n.桌布，台布( tablecloth的名词复数 ) | |
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99
silhouetted
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| 显出轮廓的，显示影像的 | |
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100
scarlet
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| n.深红色，绯红色，红衣；adj.绯红色的 | |
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101
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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102
cedar
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| n.雪松，香柏(木) | |
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103
beleaguered
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| adj.受到围困[围攻]的；包围的v.围攻( beleaguer的过去式和过去分词)；困扰；骚扰 | |
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