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RACHEL
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TUESDAY, JULY 23, 2013
MORNING
It takes me a while to realize what I’m feeling whenI wake. There’s a rush of elation1, tempered withsomething else: a nameless dread2. I know we’re closeto finding the truth. I just can’t help feeling that thetruth is going to be terrible.
I sit up in bed and grab my laptop, turn it on andwait impatiently for it to boot up, then log on to theInternet. The whole process seems interminable. I canhear Cathy moving around the house, washing upher breakfast things, running upstairs to brush herteeth. She hovers3 for a few moments outside mydoor. I imagine her knuckles4 raised, ready to rap.
She thinks better of it and runs back down thestairs.
The BBC news page comes up. The headline isabout benefit cuts, the second story about yetanother 1970s television star accused of sexualindiscretions. Nothing about Megan; nothing aboutKamal. I’m disappointed. I know that the police havetwenty-four hours to charge a suspect, and they’vehad that now. In some circumstances, they can holdsomeone for an extra twelve hours, though.
I know all this because I spent yesterday doing myresearch. After I was shown out of Scott’s house, Icame back here, turned on the television and spentmost of the day watching the news, reading articlesonline. Waiting.
By midday, the police had named their suspect. Onthe news, they talked about “evidence discovered atDr. Abdic’s home and in his car,” but they didn’t saywhat. Blood, perhaps? Her phone, as yetundiscovered? Clothes, a bag, her toothbrush? Theykept showing pictures of Kamal, close-ups of his dark,handsome face. The picture they use isn’t a mugshot, it’s a candid6 shot: he’s on holiday somewhere,not quite smiling, but almost. He looks too soft, toobeautiful to be a killer7, but appearances can bedeceptive—they say Ted5 Bundy looked like CaryGrant.
I waited all day for more news, for the charges tobe made public: kidnap, assault or worse. I waited tohear where she is, where he’s been keeping her.
They showed pictures of Blenheim Road, the station,Scott’s front door. Commentators9 mused10 on the likelyimplications of the fact that neither Megan’s phonenor her bank cards had been used for more than aweek.
Tom called more than once. I didn’t pick up. Iknow what he wants. He wants to ask why I was atScott Hipwell’s house yesterday morning. Let himwonder. It has nothing to do with him. Noteverything is about him. I imagine he’s calling at herbehest, in any case. I don’t owe her anyexplanations.
I waited and waited, and still no charge; instead, weheard more about Kamal, the trusted mental healthprofessional who listened to Megan’s secrets andtroubles, who gained her trust and then abused it,who seduced11 her and then, who knows what?
I learned that he is a Muslim, a Bosnian, a survivorof the Balkans conflict, who came to Britain as afifteen-year-old refugee. No stranger to violence, helost his father and two older brothers at Srebrenica.
He has a conviction for domestic violence. The moreI heard about Kamal, the more I knew that I wasright: I was right to speak to the police about him, Iwas right to contact Scott.
I get up and pull my dressing12 gown around me,hurry downstairs and flick13 on the TV. I have nointention of going anywhere today. If Cathy comeshome unexpectedly, I can tell her I’m ill. I makemyself a cup of coffee and sit down in front of thetelevision, and I wait.
EVENING
I got bored around three o’clock. I got bored withhearing about benefits and seventies TV paedophiles,I got frustrated14 with hearing nothing about Megan,nothing about Kamal, so I went to the off-licence andbought two bottles of white wine.
I’m almost at the bottom of the first bottle when ithappens. There’s something else on the news now,shaky camera footage taken from a half-built (orhalf-destroyed) building, explosions in the distance.
Syria, or Egypt, maybe Sudan? I’ve got the sounddown, I’m not really paying attention. Then I see it:
the ticker running across the bottom of the screentells me that the government is facing a challenge tolegal aid cuts and that Fernando Torres will be outfor up to four weeks with a hamstring strain andthat the suspect in the Megan Hipwell disappearancehas been released without charge.
I put my glass down and grab the remote, clickingthe volume button up, up, up. This can’t be right.
The war report continues, it goes on and on, myblood pressure rising with it, but eventually it endsand they go back to the studio and the newsreadersays: “Kamal Abdic, the man arrested yesterday inconnection with the disappearance15 of Megan Hipwell,has been released without charge. Abdic, who wasMrs. Hipwell’s therapist, was detained yesterday, butwas released this morning because police say there isinsufficient evidence to charge him.”
I don’t hear what she says after that. I just sitthere, my eyes blurring17 over, a wash of noise in myears, thinking, They had him. They had him andthey let him go.
Upstairs, later. I’ve had too much to drink, I can’tsee the computer screen properly, everything doubles,trebles. I can read if I hold my hand over one eye.
It gives me a headache. Cathy is home, she calledout to me and I told her I was in bed, unwell. Sheknows that I’m drinking.
My belly18 is awash with alcohol. I feel sick. I can’tthink straight. Shouldn’t have started drinking soearly. Shouldn’t have started drinking at all. I phonedScott’s number an hour ago, again a few minutesago. Shouldn’t have done that, either. I just want toknow, what lies has Kamal told them? What lies havethey been fool enough to believe? The police havemessed the whole thing up. Idiots. That Riley woman,her fault. I’m sure of it.
The newspapers haven’t helped. There was nodomestic violence conviction, they’re saying now. Thatwas a mistake. They’re making him look like thevictim.
Don’t want to drink anymore. I know that I shouldpour the rest down the sink, because otherwise it’llbe there in the morning and I’ll get up and drink itstraightaway, and once I’ve started I’ll want to go on.
I should pour it down the sink, but I know I’m notgoing to. Something to look forward to in themorning.
It’s dark, and I can hear someone calling her name.
A voice, low at first, but then louder. Angry,desperate, calling Megan’s name. It’s Scott—he’sunhappy with her. He calls her again and again. It’sa dream, I think. I keep trying to grasp at it, to holdon to it, but the harder I struggle, the fainter andthe further away it gets.
WEDNESDAY, JULY 24, 2013
MORNING
I’m woken by a soft tapping at the door. Rainbatters against the windows; it’s after eight but stillseems dark outside. Cathy pushes the door gentlyopen and peers into the room.
“Rachel? Are you all right?” She catches sight of thebottle next to my bed and her shoulders sag19. “Oh,Rachel.” She comes across to my bed and picks upthe bottle. I’m too embarrassed to say anything. “Areyou not going into work?” she asks me. “Did you goyesterday?”
She doesn’t wait for me to answer, just turns to go,calling back as she does, “You’ll end up gettingyourself sacked if you carry on like this.”
I should just say it now, she’s already angry withme. I should go after her and tell her: I was sackedmonths ago for turning up blind drunk after athree-hour lunch with a client during which Imanaged to be so rude and unprofessional that Icost the firm his business. When I close my eyes, Ican still remember the tail end of that lunch, thelook on the waitress’s face as she handed me myjacket, weaving into the office, people turning to look.
Martin Miles taking me to one side. I think youshould probably go home, Rachel.
There is a crack of thunder, a flash of light. I joltupright. What was it I thought of last night? I checkmy little black book, but I haven’t written anythingdown since midday yesterday: notes aboutKamal—age, ethnicity, conviction for domestic violence.
I pick up a pen and cross out that last point.
Downstairs, I make myself a cup of coffee and turnon the TV. The police held a press conference lastnight, they’re showing clips from it on Sky News.
Detective Inspector22 Gaskill’s up there, looking paleand gaunt and chastened. Hangdog. He nevermentions Kamal’s name, just says that a suspect hadbeen detained and questioned, but has been releasedwithout charge and that the investigation23 is ongoing24.
The cameras pan away from him to Scott, sittinghunched and uncomfortable, blinking in the light ofthe cameras, his face a twist of anguish25. It hurts myheart to see him. He speaks softly, his eyes castdown. He says that he has not given up hope, thatno matter what the police say, he still clings to theidea that Megan will come home.
The words come out hollow, they ring false, butwithout looking into his eyes, I can’t tell why. I can’ttell whether he doesn’t really believe she’s cominghome because all the faith he once possessed26 hasbeen ripped away by the events of the past fewdays, or because he really knows that she’s nevercoming home.
It comes to me, just then: the memory of calling hisnumber yesterday. Once, twice? I run upstairs to getmy phone and find it tangled27 up in the bedclothes. Ihave three missed calls: one from Tom and twofrom Scott. No messages. The call from Tom was lastnight, as was the first call from Scott, but later, justbefore midnight. The second call from him was thismorning, just a few minutes ago.
My heart lifts a little. This is good news. Despite hismother’s actions, despite their clear implications (Thank you very much for your help, now get lost), Scott still wants to talk to me. He needs me. I’mmomentarily flooded with affection for Cathy, filledwith gratitude28 to her for pouring the rest of the wineaway. I have to keep a clear head, for Scott. Heneeds me thinking straight.
I take a shower, get dressed and make another cupof coffee, and then I sit down in the living room,little black book at my side, and I call Scott.
“You should have told me,” he says as soon as hepicks up, “what you are.” His tone is flat, cold. Mystomach is a small, hard ball. He knows. “DetectiveRiley spoke29 to me after they let him go. He deniedhaving an affair with her. And the witness whosuggested that there was something going on wasunreliable, she said. An alcoholic30. Possibly mentallyunstable. She didn’t tell me the witness’s name, but Itake it she was talking about you?”
“But?.?.?. no,” I say. “No. I’m not?.?.?. I hadn’t beendrinking when I saw them. It was eight thirty in themorning.” Like that means anything. “And they foundevidence, it said so on the news. They found—”
“Insufficient evidence.”
The phone goes dead.
FRIDAY, JULY 26, 2013
MORNING
I am no longer travelling to my imaginary office. Ihave given up the pretence31. I can barely be botheredto get out of bed. I think I last brushed my teeth onWednesday. I am still feigning32 illness, although I’mpretty sure I’m fooling no one.
I can’t face getting up, getting dressed, getting ontothe train, going into London, wandering the streets.
It’s hard enough when the sun is shining, it’simpossible in this rain. Today is the third day of cold,driving, relentless33 downpour.
I’m having trouble sleeping, and it’s not just thedrinking now, it’s the nightmares. I’m trappedsomewhere, and I know that someone’s coming, andthere’s a way out, I know there is, I know that Isaw it before, only I can’t find my way back to it,and when he does get me, I can’t scream. I try—Isuck the air into my lungs and I force it out—butthere’s no sound, just a rasping, like a dying personfighting for air.
Sometimes, in my nightmares, I find myself in theunderpass by Blenheim Road, the way back isblocked and I cannot go farther because there issomething there, someone waiting, and I wake inpure terror.
They’re never going to find her. Every day, everyhour that passes I become more certain. She will beone of those names, hers will be one of thosestories: lost, missing, body never found. And Scottwill not have justice, or peace. He will never have abody to grieve over; he will never know whathappened to her. There will be no closure, noresolution. I lie awake thinking about it and I ache.
There can be no greater agony, nothing can bemore painful than the not knowing, which will neverend.
I have written to him. I admitted my problem, thenI lied again, saying that I had it under control, that Iwas seeking help. I told him that I am not mentallyunstable. I no longer know whether that’s true ornot. I told him that I was very clear about what Isaw, and that I hadn’t been drinking when I saw it.
That, at least, is true. He hasn’t replied. I didn’texpect him to. I am cut off from him, shut out. Thethings I want to say to him, I can never say. I can’twrite them down, they don’t sound right. I want himto know how sorry I am that it wasn’t enough topoint them in Kamal’s direction, to say, Look, therehe is. I should have seen something. That Saturdaynight, I should have had my eyes open.
EVENING
I am soaked through, freezing cold, the ends of myfingers blanched34 and wrinkled, my head throbbingfrom a hangover that kicked in at about half pastfive. Which is about right, considering I starteddrinking before midday. I went out to get anotherbottle, but I was thwarted36 by the ATM, which gaveme the much-anticipated riposte: There areinsufficient funds in your account.
After that, I started walking. I walked aimlessly forover an hour, through the driving rain. Thepedestrianized centre of Ashbury was mine alone. Idecided, somewhere along that walk, that I have todo something. I have to make amends37 for beinginsufficient.
Now, sodden38 and almost sober, I’m going to callTom. I don’t want to know what I did, what I said,that Saturday night, but I have to find out. It mightjog something. For some reason, I am certain thatthere is something I’m missing, something vital.
Perhaps this is just more self-deception, yet anotherattempt to prove to myself that I’m not worthless.
But perhaps it’s real.
“I’ve been trying to get hold of you since Monday,”
Tom says when he answers the phone. “I calledyour office,” he adds, and he lets that sink in.
I’m on the back foot already, embarrassed,ashamed. “I need to talk to you,” I say, “aboutSaturday night. That Saturday night.”
“What are you talking about? I need to talk to youabout Monday, Rachel. What the hell were you doingat Scott Hipwell’s house?”
“That’s not important, Tom—”
“Yes it bloody40 is. What were you doing there? Youdo realize, don’t you, that he could be?.?.?. I mean, wedon’t know, do we? He could have done somethingto her. Couldn’t he? To his wife.”
“He hasn’t done anything to his wife,” I sayconfidently. “It isn’t him.”
“How the hell would you know? Rachel, what isgoing on?”
“I just?.?.?. You have to believe me. That isn’t why Icalled you. I needed to talk to you about thatSaturday. About the message you left me. You wereso angry. You said I’d scared Anna.”
“Well, you had. She saw you stumbling down thestreet, you shouted abuse at her. She was reallyfreaked out, after what happened last time. WithEvie.”
“Did she?.?.?. did she do something?”
“Do something?”
“To me?”
“What?”
“I had a cut, Tom. On my head. I was bleeding.”
“Are you accusing Anna of hurting you?” He’syelling now, he’s furious. “Seriously, Rachel. That isenough! I have persuaded Anna—on more than oneoccasion—not to go to the police about you, but ifyou carry on like this—harassing us, making upstories—”
“I’m not accusing her of anything, Tom. I’m justtrying to figure things out. I don’t—”
“You don’t remember! Of course not. Rachel doesn’tremember.” He sighs wearily. “Look. Anna sawyou—you were drunk and abusive. She came hometo tell me, she was upset, so I went out to look foryou. You were in the street. I think you might havefallen. You were very upset. You’d cut your hand.”
“I hadn’t—”
“Well, you had blood on your hand, then. I don’tknow how it got there. I told you I’d take you home,but you wouldn’t listen. You were out of control, youwere making no sense. You walked off and I went toget the car, but when I came back, you’d gone. Idrove up past the station but I couldn’t see you. Idrove around a bit more—Anna was very worriedthat you were hanging around somewhere, that you’dcome back, that you’d try to get into the house. Iwas worried you’d fall, or get yourself into trouble?.?.?.
I drove all the way to Ashbury. I rang the bell, butyou weren’t at home. I called you a couple of times.
I left a message. And yes, I was angry. I was reallypissed off by that point.”
“I’m sorry, Tom,” I say. “I’m really sorry.”
“I know,” he says. “You’re always sorry.”
“You said that I shouted at Anna,” I say, cringing41 atthe thought of it. “What did I say to her?”
“I don’t know,” he snaps. “Would you like me to goand get her? Perhaps you’d like to have a chat withher about it?”
“Tom?.?.?.”
“Well, honestly—what does it matter now?”
“Did you see Megan Hipwell that night?”
“No.” He sounds concerned now. “Why? Did you?
You didn’t do something, did you?”
“No, of course I didn’t.”
He’s silent for a moment. “Well, why are you askingabout this then? Rachel, if you know something?.?.?.”
“I don’t know anything,” I say. “I didn’t seeanything.”
“Why were you at the Hipwells’ house on Monday?
Please tell me so that I can put Anna’s mind at ease.
She’s worried.”
“I had something to tell him. Something I thoughtmight be useful.”
“You didn’t see her, but you had something usefulto tell him?”
I hesitate for a moment. I’m not sure how much Ishould tell him, whether I should keep this just forScott. “It’s about Megan,” I say. “She was having anaffair.”
“Wait—did you know her?”
“Just a little,” I say.
“How?”
“From her gallery.”
“Oh,” he says. “So who’s the guy?”
“Her therapist,” I tell him. “Kamal Abdic. I sawthem together.”
“Really? The guy they arrested? I thought they’d lethim go.”
“They have. And it’s my fault, because I’m anunreliable witness.”
Tom laughs. It’s soft, friendly, he isn’t mocking me.
“Rachel, come on. You did the right thing, comingforward. I’m sure it’s not just about you.” In thebackground, I can hear the prattle42 of the child, andTom says something away from the phone,something I can’t hear. “I should go,” he says. I canimagine him putting down the phone, picking up hislittle girl, giving her a kiss, embracing his wife. Thedagger in my heart twists, round and round andround.
MONDAY, JULY 29, 2013
MORNING
It’s 8:07 and I’m on the train. Back to the imaginaryoffice. Cathy was with Damien all weekend, and whenI saw her last night, I didn’t give her a chance toberate me. I started apologizing for my behaviourstraightaway, said I’d been feeling really down, butthat I was pulling myself together, turning over anew leaf. She accepted, or pretended to accept, myapologies. She gave me a hug. Niceness writ21 large.
Megan has dropped out of the news almostcompletely. There was a comment piece in theSunday Times about police incompetence43 thatreferred briefly44 to the case, an unnamed source atthe Crown Prosecution45 Service citing it as “one of anumber of cases in which the police have made ahasty arrest on the basis of flimsy or flawedevidence.”
We’re coming to the signal. I feel the familiar rattleand jolt20, the train slows and I look up, because Ihave to, because I cannot bear not to, but there isnever anything to see any longer. The doors areclosed and the curtains drawn47. There is nothing tosee but rain, sheets of it, and muddy water poolingat the bottom of the garden.
On a whim48, I get off the train at Witney. Tomcouldn’t help me, but perhaps the other mancould—the red-haired man. I wait for thedisembarking passengers to disappear down the stepsand then I sit on the only covered bench on theplatform. I might get lucky. I might see him gettingonto the train. I could follow him, I could talk to him.
It’s the only thing I have left, my last roll of the dice49.
If this doesn’t work, I have to let it go. I just haveto let it go.
Half an hour goes by. Every time I hear footstepson the steps, my heart rate goes up. Every time Ihear the clacking of high heels, I am seized withtrepidation. If Anna sees me here, I could be introuble. Tom warned me. He’s persuaded her not toget the police involved, but if I carry on?.?.?.
Quarter past nine. Unless he starts work very late,I’ve missed him. It’s raining harder now, and I can’tface another aimless day in London. The only moneyI have is a tenner I borrowed from Cathy, and Ineed to make that last until I’ve summoned up thecourage to ask my mother for a loan. I walk downthe steps, intending to cross underneath50 to theopposite platform and go back to Ashbury, whensuddenly I spot Scott hurrying out of the newsagentopposite the station entrance, his coat pulled uparound his face.
I run after him and catch him at the corner, rightopposite the underpass. I grab his arm and hewheels round, startled.
“Please,” I say, “can I talk to you?”
“Jesus Christ,” he snarls51 at me. “What the fuck doyou want?”
I back away from him, holding my hands up. “I’msorry,” I say. “I’m sorry. I just wanted to apologize,to explain?.?.?.”
The downpour has become a deluge52. We are theonly people on the street, both of us soaked to theskin. Scott starts to laugh. He throws his hands upin the air and roars with laughter. “Come to thehouse,” he says. “We’re going to drown out here.”
Scott goes upstairs to fetch me a towel while thekettle boils. The house is less tidy than it was a weekago, the disinfectant smell displaced by somethingearthier. A pile of newspapers sits in the corner ofthe living room; there are dirty mugs on the coffeetable and the mantelpiece.
Scott appears at my side, proffering53 the towel. “It’sa tip, I know. My mother was driving me insane,cleaning, tidying up after me all the time. We had abit of a row. She hasn’t been round for a few days.”
His mobile phone starts to ring, he glances at it, putsit back into his pocket. “Speak of the devil. Shenever bloody stops.”
I follow him into the kitchen.
“I’m so sorry about what happened,” I say.
He shrugs55. “I know. And it’s not your fault anyway.
I mean, it might’ve helped if you weren’t?.?.?.”
“If I wasn’t a drunk?”
His back is turned, he’s pouring the coffee.
“Well, yes. But they didn’t actually have enough tocharge him with anything anyway.” He hands me themug and we sit down at the table. I notice that oneof the photograph frames on the sideboard has beenturned facedown. Scott is still talking. “They foundthings—hair, skin cells—in his house, but he doesn’tdeny that she went there. Well, he did deny it atfirst, then he admitted that she had been there.”
“Why did he lie?”
“Exactly. He admitted that she’d been to the housetwice, just to talk. He won’t say what about—there’sthe whole confidentiality56 thing. The hair and the skincells were found downstairs. Nothing up in thebedroom. He swears blind they weren’t having anaffair. But he’s a liar46, so?.?.?.” He passes his handover his eyes. His face looks as though it is sinkinginto itself, his shoulders sag. He looks shrunken.
“There was a trace of blood on his car.”
“Oh my God.”
“Yeah. Matches her blood type. They don’t know ifthey can get any DNA8 because it’s such a smallsample. It could be nothing, that’s what they keepsaying. How could it be nothing, that her blood’s onhis car?” He shakes his head. “You were right. Themore I hear about this guy, the more I’m sure.” Helooks at me, right at me, for the first time since wegot here. “He was fucking her, and she wanted toend it, so he?.?.?. he did something. That’s it. I’m sureof it.”
He’s lost all hope, and I don’t blame him. It’s beenmore than two weeks and she hasn’t turned on herphone, hasn’t used a credit card, hasn’t withdrawnmoney from an ATM. No one has seen her. She isgone.
“He told the police that she might have run away,”
Scott says.
“Dr. Abdic did?”
Scott nods. “He told the police that she wasunhappy with me and she might have run off.”
“He’s trying to shift suspicion, get them to think thatyou did something.”
“I know that. But they seem to buy everything thatbastard says. That Riley woman, I can tell when shetalks about him. She likes him. The poor,downtrodden refugee.” He hangs his head, wretched.
“Maybe he’s right. We did have that awful fight. ButI can’t believe?.?.?. She wasn’t unhappy with me. Shewasn’t. She wasn’t.” When he says it the third time, Iwonder whether he’s trying to convince himself. “Butif she was having an affair, she must have beenunhappy, mustn’t she?”
“Not necessarily,” I say. “Perhaps it was one ofthose—what do they call it?—transference things.
That’s the word they use, isn’t it? When a patientdevelops feelings—or thinks they develop feelings—fora therapist. Only the therapist is supposed to resistthem, to point out that the feelings aren’t real.”
His eyes are on my face, but I feel as though heisn’t really listening to what I’m saying.
“What happened?” he asks. “With you. You leftyour husband. Was there someone else?”
I shake my head. “Other way round. Annahappened.”
“Sorry.” He pauses.
I know what he’s going to ask, so before he can, Isay, “It started before. While we were still married.
The drinking. That’s what you wanted to know, isn’tit?”
He nods again.
“We were trying for a baby,” I say, and my voicecatches. Still, after all this time, every time I talkabout it the tears come to my eyes. “Sorry.”
“It’s all right.” He gets to his feet, goes over to thesink and pours me a glass of water. He puts it onthe table in front of me.
I clear my throat, try to be as matter-of-fact aspossible. “We were trying for a baby and it didn’thappen. I became very depressed57, and I started todrink. I was extremely difficult to live with, and Tomsought solace58 elsewhere. And she was all too happyto provide it.”
“I’m really sorry, that’s awful. I know?.?.?. I wanted tohave a child. Megan kept saying she wasn’t readyyet.” Now it’s his turn to wipe the tears away. “It’sone of the things?.?.?. we argued about it sometimes.”
“Was that what you were arguing about the dayshe left?”
He sighs, pushing his chair back and getting to hisfeet. “No,” he says, turning away from me. “It wassomething else.”
EVENING
Cathy is waiting for me when I get home. She’sstanding in the kitchen, aggressively drinking a glassof water.
“Good day at the office?” she asks, pursing her lips.
She knows.
“Cathy?.?.?.”
“Damien had a meeting near Euston today. On hisway out, he bumped into Martin Miles. They knoweach other a little, remember, from Damien’s days atLaing Fund Management. Martin used to do the PRfor them.”
“Cathy?.?.?.”
She held her hand up, took another gulp59 of water.
“You haven’t worked there in months! In months!
Do you know how idiotic60 I feel? What an idiotDamien felt? Please, please tell me that you haveanother job that you just haven’t told me about.
Please tell me that you haven’t been pretending to goto work. That you haven’t been lying to me—day in,day out—all this time.”
“I didn’t know how to tell you?.?.?.”
“You didn’t know how to tell me? How about:
‘Cathy, I got fired because I was drunk at work’?
How about that?” I flinch61 and her face softens62. “I’msorry, but honestly, Rachel.” She really is too nice.
“What have you been doing? Where do you go?
What do you do all day?”
“I walk. Go to the library. Sometimes—”
“You go to the pub?”
“Sometimes. But—”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She approaches me,placing her hands on my shoulders. “You shouldhave told me.”
“I was ashamed,” I say, and I start to cry. It’sawful, cringeworthy, but I start to weep. I sob39 andsob, and poor Cathy holds me, strokes my hair, tellsme I’ll be all right, that everything will be all right. Ifeel wretched. I hate myself almost more than I everhave.
Later, sitting on the sofa with Cathy, drinking tea,she tells me how it’s going to be. I’m going to stopdrinking, I’m going to get my CV in order, I’m goingto contact Martin Miles and beg for a reference. I’mgoing to stop wasting money going backwards63 andforwards to London on pointless train journeys.
“Honestly, Rachel, I don’t understand how you couldhave kept this up for so long.”
I shrug54. “In the morning, I take the 8:04, and inthe evening, I come back on the 5:56. That’s mytrain. It’s the one I take. That’s the way it is.”
THURSDAY, AUGUST 1, 2013
MORNING
There’s something covering my face, I can’t breathe,I’m suffocating64. When I surface into wakefulness, I’mgasping for air and my chest hurts. I sit up, eyeswide, and see something moving in the corner of theroom, a dense65 centre of blackness that keepsgrowing, and I almost cry out—and then I’m properlyawake and there’s nothing there, but I am sitting upin bed and my cheeks are wet with tears.
It’s almost dawn, the light outside is just beginningto tinge66 grey, and the rain of the last several days isstill battering67 against the window. I won’t go back tosleep, not with my heart hammering in my chest somuch it hurts.
I think, though I can’t be sure, that there’s somewine downstairs. I don’t remember finishing thesecond bottle. It’ll be warm, because I can’t leave itin the fridge; if I do, Cathy pours it away. She sobadly wants me to get better, but so far, things arenot going according to her plan. There’s a littlecupboard in the hallway where the gas meter is. Ifthere was any wine left, I’ll have stashed68 it in there.
I creep out onto the landing and tiptoe down thestairs in the half-light. I flip69 the little cupboard openand lift out the bottle: it’s disappointingly light, notmuch more than a glassful in there. But better thannothing. I pour it into a mug (just in case Cathycomes down—I can pretend it’s tea) and put thebottle in the bin35 (making sure to conceal70 it under amilk carton and a crisp packet). In the living room, Iflick on the TV, mute it straightaway and sit downon the sofa.
I’m flicking71 through channels—it’s all children’s TVand infomercials until with a flash of recognition I’mlooking at Corly Wood, which is just down the roadfrom here: you can see it from the train. CorlyWood in pouring rain, the fields between the tree lineand train tracks submerged underwater.
I don’t know why it takes me so long to realizewhat’s going on. For ten seconds, fifteen, twenty, I’mlooking at cars and blue-and-white tape and a whitetent in the background, and my breath is comingshorter and shorter until I’m holding it and notbreathing at all.
It’s her. She’s been in the wood all along, just alongthe railway track from here. I’ve been past thosefields every day, morning and evening, travelling by,oblivious.
In the wood. I imagine a grave dug beneathscrubby bushes, hastily covered up. I imagine worsethings, impossible things—her body hanging from arope, somewhere deep in the forest where nobodygoes.
It might not even be her. It might be somethingelse.
I know it isn’t something else.
There’s a reporter on screen now, dark hair slickagainst his skull72. I turn up the volume and listen tohim tell me what I already know, what I canfeel—that it wasn’t me who couldn’t breathe, it wasMegan.
“That’s right,” he’s saying, talking to someone in thestudio, his hand pressed to his ear. “The police havenow confirmed that the body of a young woman hasbeen found submerged in floodwater in a field at thebottom of Corly Wood, which is less than five milesfrom the home of Megan Hipwell. Mrs. Hipwell, asyou know, went missing in early July—the thirteenthof July, in fact—and has not been seen since. Policeare saying that the body, which was discovered bydog walkers out early this morning, has yet to beformally identified; however, they do believe that thisis Megan that they’ve found. Mrs. Hipwell’s husbandhas been informed.”
He stops speaking for a while. The news anchor isasking him a question, but I can’t hear it becausethe blood is roaring in my ears. I bring the mug upto my lips and drink every last drop.
The reporter is talking again. “Yes, Kay, that’s right.
It would appear that the body was buried here inthe woods, possibly for some time, and that it hasbeen uncovered by the heavy rains that we’ve hadrecently.”
It’s worse, so much worse than I imagined. I cansee her now, her ruined face in the mud, pale armsexposed, reaching up, rising up as though she wereclawing her way out of the grave. I taste hot liquid,bile and bitter wine, in my mouth, and I run upstairsto be sick.
EVENING
I stayed in bed most of the day. I tried to get thingsstraight in my head. I tried to piece together, fromthe memories and the flashbacks and the dreams,what happened on Saturday night. In an attempt tomake sense of it, to see it clearly, I wrote it alldown. The scratching of my pen on paper felt likesomeone whispering to me; it put me on edge, Ikept feeling as though there was someone else in theflat, just on the other side of the door, and Icouldn’t stop imagining her.
I was almost too afraid to open the bedroom door,but when I did, there was no one there, of course. Iwent downstairs and turned on the television again.
The same pictures were still there: the woods in therain, police cars driving along a muddy track, thathorrible white tent, all of it a grey blur16, and thensuddenly Megan, smiling at the camera, still beautiful,untouched. Then it’s Scott, head down, fending73 offphotographers as he tries to get through his ownfront door, Riley at his side. Then it’s Kamal’s office.
No sign of him, though.
I didn’t want to hear the sound track, but I had toturn the volume up, anything to stop the silenceringing in my ears. The police say that the woman,still not formally identified, has been dead for sometime, possibly several weeks. They say the cause ofdeath has yet to be established. They say that thereis no evidence of a sexual motive74 for the killing75.
That strikes me as a stupid thing to say. I knowwhat they mean—they mean they don’t think shewas raped76, which is a blessing77, of course, but thatdoesn’t mean there wasn’t a sexual motive. It seemsto me that Kamal wanted her and he couldn’t haveher, that she must have tried to end it and hecouldn’t stand it. That’s a sexual motive, isn’t it?
I can’t bear to watch the news any longer, so I goback upstairs and crawl under my duvet. I emptyout my handbag, looking through my notes scribbledon bits of paper, all the scraps78 of information I’vegleaned, the memories shifting like shadows, and Iwonder, Why am I doing this? What purpose doesit serve?

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 elation 0q9x7     
n.兴高采烈,洋洋得意
参考例句:
  • She showed her elation at having finally achieved her ambition.最终实现了抱负,她显得十分高兴。
  • His supporters have reacted to the news with elation.他的支持者听到那条消息后兴高采烈。
2 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
3 hovers a2e4e67c73750d262be7fdd8c8ae6133     
鸟( hover的第三人称单数 ); 靠近(某事物); (人)徘徊; 犹豫
参考例句:
  • A hawk hovers in the sky. 一只老鹰在天空盘旋。
  • A hen hovers her chicks. 一只母鸡在孵小鸡。
4 knuckles c726698620762d88f738be4a294fae79     
n.(指人)指关节( knuckle的名词复数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝v.(指人)指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝
参考例句:
  • He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘,握得指关节都变白了。
  • Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》
5 ted 9gazhs     
vt.翻晒,撒,撒开
参考例句:
  • The invaders gut ted the village.侵略者把村中财物洗劫一空。
  • She often teds the corn when it's sunny.天好的时候她就翻晒玉米。
6 candid SsRzS     
adj.公正的,正直的;坦率的
参考例句:
  • I cannot but hope the candid reader will give some allowance for it.我只有希望公正的读者多少包涵一些。
  • He is quite candid with his friends.他对朋友相当坦诚。
7 killer rpLziK     
n.杀人者,杀人犯,杀手,屠杀者
参考例句:
  • Heart attacks have become Britain's No.1 killer disease.心脏病已成为英国的头号致命疾病。
  • The bulk of the evidence points to him as her killer.大量证据证明是他杀死她的。
8 DNA 4u3z1l     
(缩)deoxyribonucleic acid 脱氧核糖核酸
参考例句:
  • DNA is stored in the nucleus of a cell.脱氧核糖核酸储存于细胞的细胞核里。
  • Gene mutations are alterations in the DNA code.基因突变是指DNA密码的改变。
9 commentators 14bfe5fe312768eb5df7698676f7837c     
n.评论员( commentator的名词复数 );时事评论员;注释者;实况广播员
参考例句:
  • Sports commentators repeat the same phrases ad nauseam. 体育解说员翻来覆去说着同样的词语,真叫人腻烦。
  • Television sports commentators repeat the same phrases ad nauseam. 电视体育解说员说来说去就是那么几句话,令人厌烦。 来自《简明英汉词典》
10 mused 0affe9d5c3a243690cca6d4248d41a85     
v.沉思,冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 );沉思自语说(某事)
参考例句:
  • \"I wonder if I shall ever see them again, \"he mused. “我不知道是否还可以再见到他们,”他沉思自问。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • \"Where are we going from here?\" mused one of Rutherford's guests. 卢瑟福的一位客人忍不住说道:‘我们这是在干什么?” 来自英汉非文学 - 科学史
11 seduced 559ac8e161447c7597bf961e7b14c15f     
诱奸( seduce的过去式和过去分词 ); 勾引; 诱使堕落; 使入迷
参考例句:
  • The promise of huge profits seduced him into parting with his money. 高额利润的许诺诱使他把钱出了手。
  • His doctrines have seduced many into error. 他的学说把许多人诱入歧途。
12 dressing 1uOzJG     
n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料
参考例句:
  • Don't spend such a lot of time in dressing yourself.别花那么多时间来打扮自己。
  • The children enjoy dressing up in mother's old clothes.孩子们喜欢穿上妈妈旧时的衣服玩。
13 flick mgZz1     
n.快速的轻打,轻打声,弹开;v.轻弹,轻轻拂去,忽然摇动
参考例句:
  • He gave a flick of the whip.他轻抽一下鞭子。
  • By a flick of his whip,he drove the fly from the horse's head.他用鞭子轻抽了一下,将马头上的苍蝇驱走。
14 frustrated ksWz5t     
adj.挫败的,失意的,泄气的v.使不成功( frustrate的过去式和过去分词 );挫败;使受挫折;令人沮丧
参考例句:
  • It's very easy to get frustrated in this job. 这个工作很容易令人懊恼。
  • The bad weather frustrated all our hopes of going out. 恶劣的天气破坏了我们出行的愿望。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 disappearance ouEx5     
n.消失,消散,失踪
参考例句:
  • He was hard put to it to explain her disappearance.他难以说明她为什么不见了。
  • Her disappearance gave rise to the wildest rumours.她失踪一事引起了各种流言蜚语。
16 blur JtgzC     
n.模糊不清的事物;vt.使模糊,使看不清楚
参考例句:
  • The houses appeared as a blur in the mist.房子在薄雾中隐隐约约看不清。
  • If you move your eyes and your head,the picture will blur.如果你的眼睛或头动了,图像就会变得模糊不清。
17 blurring e5be37d075d8bb967bd24d82a994208d     
n.模糊,斑点甚多,(图像的)混乱v.(使)变模糊( blur的现在分词 );(使)难以区分
参考例句:
  • Retinal hemorrhage, and blurring of the optic dise cause visual disturbances. 视网膜出血及神经盘模糊等可导致视力障碍。 来自辞典例句
  • In other ways the Bible limited Puritan writing, blurring and deadening the pages. 另一方面,圣经又限制了清教时期的作品,使它们显得晦涩沉闷。 来自辞典例句
18 belly QyKzLi     
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛
参考例句:
  • The boss has a large belly.老板大腹便便。
  • His eyes are bigger than his belly.他眼馋肚饱。
19 sag YD4yA     
v.下垂,下跌,消沉;n.下垂,下跌,凹陷,[航海]随风漂流
参考例句:
  • The shelf was beginning to sag beneath the weight of the books upon it.书架在书的重压下渐渐下弯。
  • We need to do something about the sag.我们须把下沉的地方修整一下。
20 jolt ck1y2     
v.(使)摇动,(使)震动,(使)颠簸
参考例句:
  • We were worried that one tiny jolt could worsen her injuries.我们担心稍微颠簸一下就可能会使她的伤势恶化。
  • They were working frantically in the fear that an aftershock would jolt the house again.他们拼命地干着,担心余震可能会使房子再次受到震动。
21 writ iojyr     
n.命令状,书面命令
参考例句:
  • This is a copy of a writ I received this morning.这是今早我收到的书面命令副本。
  • You shouldn't treat the newspapers as if they were Holy Writ. 你不应该把报上说的话奉若神明。
22 inspector q6kxH     
n.检查员,监察员,视察员
参考例句:
  • The inspector was interested in everything pertaining to the school.视察员对有关学校的一切都感兴趣。
  • The inspector was shining a flashlight onto the tickets.查票员打着手电筒查看车票。
23 investigation MRKzq     
n.调查,调查研究
参考例句:
  • In an investigation,a new fact became known, which told against him.在调查中新发现了一件对他不利的事实。
  • He drew the conclusion by building on his own investigation.他根据自己的调查研究作出结论。
24 ongoing 6RvzT     
adj.进行中的,前进的
参考例句:
  • The problem is ongoing.这个问题尚未解决。
  • The issues raised in the report relate directly to Age Concern's ongoing work in this area.报告中提出的问题与“关心老人”组织在这方面正在做的工作有直接的关系。
25 anguish awZz0     
n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦,烦恼
参考例句:
  • She cried out for anguish at parting.分手时,她由于痛苦而失声大哭。
  • The unspeakable anguish wrung his heart.难言的痛苦折磨着他的心。
26 possessed xuyyQ     
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的
参考例句:
  • He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
  • He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。
27 tangled e487ee1bc1477d6c2828d91e94c01c6e     
adj. 纠缠的,紊乱的 动词tangle的过去式和过去分词
参考例句:
  • Your hair's so tangled that I can't comb it. 你的头发太乱了,我梳不动。
  • A movement caught his eye in the tangled undergrowth. 乱灌木丛里的晃动引起了他的注意。
28 gratitude p6wyS     
adj.感激,感谢
参考例句:
  • I have expressed the depth of my gratitude to him.我向他表示了深切的谢意。
  • She could not help her tears of gratitude rolling down her face.她感激的泪珠禁不住沿着面颊流了下来。
29 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
30 alcoholic rx7zC     
adj.(含)酒精的,由酒精引起的;n.酗酒者
参考例句:
  • The alcoholic strength of brandy far exceeds that of wine.白兰地的酒精浓度远远超过葡萄酒。
  • Alcoholic drinks act as a poison to a child.酒精饮料对小孩犹如毒药。
31 pretence pretence     
n.假装,作假;借口,口实;虚伪;虚饰
参考例句:
  • The government abandoned any pretence of reform. 政府不再装模作样地进行改革。
  • He made a pretence of being happy at the party.晚会上他假装很高兴。
32 feigning 5f115da619efe7f7ddaca64893f7a47c     
假装,伪装( feign的现在分词 ); 捏造(借口、理由等)
参考例句:
  • He survived the massacre by feigning death. 他装死才在大屠杀中死里逃生。
  • She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩,装出一副无所谓的样子。
33 relentless VBjzv     
adj.残酷的,不留情的,无怜悯心的
参考例句:
  • The traffic noise is relentless.交通车辆的噪音一刻也不停止。
  • Their training has to be relentless.他们的训练必须是无情的。
34 blanched 86df425770f6f770efe32857bbb4db42     
v.使变白( blanch的过去式 );使(植物)不见阳光而变白;酸洗(金属)使有光泽;用沸水烫(杏仁等)以便去皮
参考例句:
  • The girl blanched with fear when she saw the bear coming. 那女孩见熊(向她)走来,吓得脸都白了。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
  • Their faces blanched in terror. 他们的脸因恐惧而吓得发白。 来自《简明英汉词典》
35 bin yR2yz     
n.箱柜;vt.放入箱内;[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件
参考例句:
  • He emptied several bags of rice into a bin.他把几袋米倒进大箱里。
  • He threw the empty bottles in the bin.他把空瓶子扔进垃圾箱。
36 thwarted 919ac32a9754717079125d7edb273fc2     
阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 ); 使受挫折; 挫败; 横过
参考例句:
  • The guards thwarted his attempt to escape from prison. 警卫阻扰了他越狱的企图。
  • Our plans for a picnic were thwarted by the rain. 我们的野餐计划因雨受挫。
37 amends AzlzCR     
n. 赔偿
参考例句:
  • He made amends for his rudeness by giving her some flowers. 他送给她一些花,为他自己的鲁莽赔罪。
  • This country refuses stubbornly to make amends for its past war crimes. 该国顽固地拒绝为其过去的战争罪行赔罪。
38 sodden FwPwm     
adj.浑身湿透的;v.使浸透;使呆头呆脑
参考例句:
  • We stripped off our sodden clothes.我们扒下了湿透的衣服。
  • The cardboard was sodden and fell apart in his hands.纸板潮得都发酥了,手一捏就碎。
39 sob HwMwx     
n.空间轨道的轰炸机;呜咽,哭泣
参考例句:
  • The child started to sob when he couldn't find his mother.孩子因找不到他妈妈哭了起来。
  • The girl didn't answer,but continued to sob with her head on the table.那个女孩不回答,也不抬起头来。她只顾低声哭着。
40 bloody kWHza     
adj.非常的的;流血的;残忍的;adv.很;vt.血染
参考例句:
  • He got a bloody nose in the fight.他在打斗中被打得鼻子流血。
  • He is a bloody fool.他是一个十足的笨蛋。
41 cringing Pvbz1O     
adj.谄媚,奉承
参考例句:
  • He had a cringing manner but a very harsh voice.他有卑屈谄媚的神情,但是声音却十分粗沙。
  • She stepped towards him with a movement that was horribly cringing.她冲他走了一步,做出一个低三下四,令人作呕的动作。
42 prattle LPbx7     
n.闲谈;v.(小孩般)天真无邪地说话;发出连续而无意义的声音
参考例句:
  • Amy's happy prattle became intolerable.艾美兴高采烈地叽叽喳喳说个不停,汤姆感到无法忍受。
  • Flowing water and green grass witness your lover's endless prattle.流水缠绕,小草依依,都是你诉不尽的情话。
43 incompetence o8Uxt     
n.不胜任,不称职
参考例句:
  • He was dismissed for incompetence. 他因不称职而被解雇。
  • She felt she had been made a scapegoat for her boss's incompetence. 她觉得,本是老板无能,但她却成了替罪羊。
44 briefly 9Styo     
adv.简单地,简短地
参考例句:
  • I want to touch briefly on another aspect of the problem.我想简单地谈一下这个问题的另一方面。
  • He was kidnapped and briefly detained by a terrorist group.他被一个恐怖组织绑架并短暂拘禁。
45 prosecution uBWyL     
n.起诉,告发,检举,执行,经营
参考例句:
  • The Smiths brought a prosecution against the organizers.史密斯家对组织者们提出起诉。
  • He attempts to rebut the assertion made by the prosecution witness.他试图反驳原告方证人所作的断言。
46 liar V1ixD     
n.说谎的人
参考例句:
  • I know you for a thief and a liar!我算认识你了,一个又偷又骗的家伙!
  • She was wrongly labelled a liar.她被错误地扣上说谎者的帽子。
47 drawn MuXzIi     
v.拖,拉,拔出;adj.憔悴的,紧张的
参考例句:
  • All the characters in the story are drawn from life.故事中的所有人物都取材于生活。
  • Her gaze was drawn irresistibly to the scene outside.她的目光禁不住被外面的风景所吸引。
48 whim 2gywE     
n.一时的兴致,突然的念头;奇想,幻想
参考例句:
  • I bought the encyclopedia on a whim.我凭一时的兴致买了这本百科全书。
  • He had a sudden whim to go sailing today.今天他突然想要去航海。
49 dice iuyzh8     
n.骰子;vt.把(食物)切成小方块,冒险
参考例句:
  • They were playing dice.他们在玩掷骰子游戏。
  • A dice is a cube.骰子是立方体。
50 underneath VKRz2     
adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面
参考例句:
  • Working underneath the car is always a messy job.在汽车底下工作是件脏活。
  • She wore a coat with a dress underneath.她穿着一件大衣,里面套着一条连衣裙。
51 snarls 73979455e5f6e24a757b5c454344dab7     
n.(动物的)龇牙低吼( snarl的名词复数 );愤怒叫嚷(声);咆哮(声);疼痛叫声v.(指狗)吠,嗥叫, (人)咆哮( snarl的第三人称单数 );咆哮着说,厉声地说
参考例句:
  • I don't know why my hair snarls easily. 我不知道我的头发为什么容易缠结。 来自辞典例句
  • She combed the snarls out of her hair. 她把头发的乱结梳理通。 来自辞典例句
52 deluge a9nyg     
n./vt.洪水,暴雨,使泛滥
参考例句:
  • This little stream can become a deluge when it rains heavily.雨大的时候,这条小溪能变作洪流。
  • I got caught in the deluge on the way home.我在回家的路上遇到倾盆大雨。
53 proffering bb5743f9a89c53e1d4727ba5f1e36dbf     
v.提供,贡献,提出( proffer的现在分词 )
参考例句:
54 shrug Ry3w5     
v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等)
参考例句:
  • With a shrug,he went out of the room.他耸一下肩,走出了房间。
  • I admire the way she is able to shrug off unfair criticism.我很佩服她能对错误的批评意见不予理会。
55 shrugs d3633c0b0b1f8cd86f649808602722fa     
n.耸肩(以表示冷淡,怀疑等)( shrug的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Hungarian Prime Minister Ferenc Gyurcsany shrugs off this criticism. 匈牙利总理久尔恰尼对这个批评不以为然。 来自互联网
  • She shrugs expressively and takes a sip of her latte. 她表达地耸肩而且拿她的拿铁的啜饮。 来自互联网
56 confidentiality 7Y2yc     
n.秘而不宣,保密
参考例句:
  • They signed a confidentiality agreement. 他们签署了一份保守机密的协议。
  • Cryptography is the foundation of supporting authentication, integrality and confidentiality. 而密码学是支持认证、完整性和机密性机制的基础。
57 depressed xu8zp9     
adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的
参考例句:
  • When he was depressed,he felt utterly divorced from reality.他心情沮丧时就感到完全脱离了现实。
  • His mother was depressed by the sad news.这个坏消息使他的母亲意志消沉。
58 solace uFFzc     
n.安慰;v.使快乐;vt.安慰(物),缓和
参考例句:
  • They sought solace in religion from the harshness of their everyday lives.他们日常生活很艰难,就在宗教中寻求安慰。
  • His acting career took a nosedive and he turned to drink for solace.演艺事业突然一落千丈,他便借酒浇愁。
59 gulp yQ0z6     
vt.吞咽,大口地吸(气);vi.哽住;n.吞咽
参考例句:
  • She took down the tablets in one gulp.她把那些药片一口吞了下去。
  • Don't gulp your food,chew it before you swallow it.吃东西不要狼吞虎咽,要嚼碎了再咽下去。
60 idiotic wcFzd     
adj.白痴的
参考例句:
  • It is idiotic to go shopping with no money.去买东西而不带钱是很蠢的。
  • The child's idiotic deeds caused his family much trouble.那小孩愚蠢的行为给家庭带来许多麻烦。
61 flinch BgIz1     
v.畏缩,退缩
参考例句:
  • She won't flinch from speaking her mind.她不会讳言自己的想法。
  • We will never flinch from difficulties.我们面对困难决不退缩。
62 softens 8f06d4fce5859f2737f5a09a715a2d27     
(使)变软( soften的第三人称单数 ); 缓解打击; 缓和; 安慰
参考例句:
  • Iron softens with heat. 铁受热就软化。
  • Moonlight softens our faults; all shabbiness dissolves into shadow. 月光淡化了我们的各种缺点,所有的卑微都化解为依稀朦胧的阴影。 来自名作英译部分
63 backwards BP9ya     
adv.往回地,向原处,倒,相反,前后倒置地
参考例句:
  • He turned on the light and began to pace backwards and forwards.他打开电灯并开始走来走去。
  • All the girls fell over backwards to get the party ready.姑娘们迫不及待地为聚会做准备。
64 suffocating suffocating     
a.使人窒息的
参考例句:
  • After a few weeks with her parents, she felt she was suffocating.和父母呆了几个星期后,她感到自己毫无自由。
  • That's better. I was suffocating in that cell of a room.这样好些了,我刚才在那个小房间里快闷死了。
65 dense aONzX     
a.密集的,稠密的,浓密的;密度大的
参考例句:
  • The general ambushed his troops in the dense woods. 将军把部队埋伏在浓密的树林里。
  • The path was completely covered by the dense foliage. 小路被树叶厚厚地盖了一层。
66 tinge 8q9yO     
vt.(较淡)着色于,染色;使带有…气息;n.淡淡色彩,些微的气息
参考例句:
  • The maple leaves are tinge with autumn red.枫叶染上了秋天的红色。
  • There was a tinge of sadness in her voice.她声音中流露出一丝忧伤。
67 battering 98a585e7458f82d8b56c9e9dfbde727d     
n.用坏,损坏v.连续猛击( batter的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • The film took a battering from critics in the US. 该影片在美国遭遇到批评家的猛烈抨击。
  • He kept battering away at the door. 他接连不断地砸门。 来自《简明英汉词典》
68 stashed 07562c5864f6b713d22604f8e1e43dae     
v.贮藏( stash的过去式和过去分词 );隐藏;藏匿;藏起
参考例句:
  • She has a fortune stashed away in various bank accounts. 她有一大笔钱存在几个不同的银行账户下。
  • She has a fortune stashed away in various bank accounts. 她在不同的银行账户上秘密储存了一大笔钱。 来自《简明英汉词典》
69 flip Vjwx6     
vt.快速翻动;轻抛;轻拍;n.轻抛;adj.轻浮的
参考例句:
  • I had a quick flip through the book and it looked very interesting.我很快翻阅了一下那本书,看来似乎很有趣。
  • Let's flip a coin to see who pays the bill.咱们来抛硬币决定谁付钱。
70 conceal DpYzt     
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽
参考例句:
  • He had to conceal his identity to escape the police.为了躲避警方,他只好隐瞒身份。
  • He could hardly conceal his joy at his departure.他几乎掩饰不住临行时的喜悦。
71 flicking 856751237583a36a24c558b09c2a932a     
(尤指用手指或手快速地)轻击( flick的现在分词 ); (用…)轻挥; (快速地)按开关; 向…笑了一下(或瞥了一眼等)
参考例句:
  • He helped her up before flicking the reins. 他帮她上马,之后挥动了缰绳。
  • There's something flicking around my toes. 有什么东西老在叮我的脚指头。
72 skull CETyO     
n.头骨;颅骨
参考例句:
  • The skull bones fuse between the ages of fifteen and twenty-five.头骨在15至25岁之间长合。
  • He fell out of the window and cracked his skull.他从窗子摔了出去,跌裂了颅骨。
73 fending 18e37ede5689f2fb4bd69184c75f11f5     
v.独立生活,照料自己( fend的现在分词 );挡开,避开
参考例句:
  • He is always spending his time fending with the neighbors. 他总是与邻里们吵架。 来自互联网
  • Fifth, it is to build safeguarding system and enhance the competence in fending off the risk. 五是建立政策保障体系,提高防范和抵御风险的能力。 来自互联网
74 motive GFzxz     
n.动机,目的;adv.发动的,运动的
参考例句:
  • The police could not find a motive for the murder.警察不能找到谋杀的动机。
  • He had some motive in telling this fable.他讲这寓言故事是有用意的。
75 killing kpBziQ     
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财
参考例句:
  • Investors are set to make a killing from the sell-off.投资者准备清仓以便大赚一笔。
  • Last week my brother made a killing on Wall Street.上个周我兄弟在华尔街赚了一大笔。
76 raped 7a6e3e7dd30eb1e3b61716af0e54d4a2     
v.以暴力夺取,强夺( rape的过去式和过去分词 );强奸
参考例句:
  • A young woman was brutally raped in her own home. 一名年轻女子在自己家中惨遭强暴。 来自辞典例句
  • We got stick together, or we will be having our women raped. 我们得团结一致,不然我们的妻女就会遭到蹂躏。 来自辞典例句
77 blessing UxDztJ     
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿
参考例句:
  • The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
  • A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。
78 scraps 737e4017931b7285cdd1fa3eb9dd77a3     
油渣
参考例句:
  • Don't litter up the floor with scraps of paper. 不要在地板上乱扔纸屑。
  • A patchwork quilt is a good way of using up scraps of material. 做杂拼花布棉被是利用零碎布料的好办法。


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