She had not come downstairs until just a half-hour before dinner, and as she had entered the library, dressed in a low-necked, short-sleeved summer gown of pale pink batiste, she had noted7, without much interest, Mr. Leitzel's countenance8 of vivid pleasure as, from his place on the floor, unable to rise because of the children sprawling9 all over him, he had gazed up at her. But when, after watching him play for a half-hour with the babies, she had presently relieved him of the youngest to give it its bottle, she really began to feel, before the ardent10 look he fixed11 upon her as she sat holding the hungry, drowsy12 infant to her heart, a faint stirring of her blood.
"The Madonna and the Child!" he had said adoringly, and Margaret was astonished to find herself blushing; to discover that this man could bring the faintest warmth to her cheeks!
In the course of that evening, during dinner and later when the children had been taken to bed by Harriet, and Mr. Leitzel was again, as on the previous night, left on her hands, she could not be indifferent to the novel experience of finding herself the object of a fixity and intensity13 of admiration which, from a man so self-centred, suggested the possession on her part of an unsuspected power.
Even his occasional conversational14 faux pas did not break the peculiar15 spell he cast upon her by his devotion.
"Have you read many of these books?" he asked her, glancing at the shelves near him. "Here are about twenty books all by one man—James. Astonishing! What does he find to write about to such an extent?"
"They are the works of the two Jameses, the brothers Henry and William, the novelist and the psychologist, you know; only, Uncle Osmond insisted upon cataloguing Henry, also, with the psychologists."
"The James brothers? I've heard more about Jesse than about the other two. Jesse was an outlaw16, you remember. The other two, then, were respectable?"
"'Respectable?' Henry and William James? I'm sure they would hate to be considered so!"
Daniel nodded knowingly. "Bad blood all through, no doubt."
"Yes," said Margaret gravely, "of the three I prefer Jesse. He at least was not a psychologist, nor did he write in English past finding out! By the way, I remember Uncle Osmond used to say," she added, a reminiscent dreaminess in her eyes which held Daniel's breathless gaze, "that only in a very primitive17 or provincial18 society was a regard for respectability paramount19, and that in an individual of an upper class it bespoke20 either assinine stupidity or damned hypocrisy22."
Daniel started and stared until his eyes popped, to hear that soft, drawling voice say "damned," even though quoting. Why, one would think a nice girl would be embarrassed to own a relative who used profane23 language, instead of flaunting24 it!
"Wasn't your uncle a Christian25?" he asked dubiously26.
"Oh, no!" she laughed.
Now what was there to laugh at in so serious a question? Daniel was finding Miss Berkeley's conversation extremely upsetting.
"He died unsaved?" he asked gravely.
"I suppose a medi?val theologian would have said he did."
"I trust he didn't influence you, Miss Berkeley!"
"But of course, I got lots of ideas from him, for which I'm very thankful. If it had not been for his interesting mind, I could never have lived so long with his devilish disposition27, or, as he used to call it, his 'hell of a temper.'" ("If he's going to fall in love with me," Margaret was saying to herself, as she saw his shocked countenance, "he's got to know the worst—I won't deceive him.")
"I'm addicted28 to only two vices29, Mr. Leitzel: profanity and beer."
Daniel smiled faintly, she looked so childishly innocent. "You are different from any girl I ever met. As a conversationalist especially. New Munich girls never talk the way you do."
"You mean they are not profane?"
"You're only joking, aren't you?" asked Daniel anxiously. "I didn't refer merely to your using oaths, but the ideas you occasionally express; that, for instance, about 'respectability,' I'm sure I never heard our New Munich young ladies say things like that. However," he added, his face softening30 and beaming, "nothing you could do or say could ever counteract31 for me the impression you made upon me as you sat there to-night holding that baby!"
"You are very fond of children, aren't you, Mr. Leitzel?" she asked graciously.
"Well, I should say! I'd like to have a large family, even if it is expensive!"
"So should I," said Margaret frankly32; and Daniel had a moment's doubt as to the maidenly33 modesty35 of this reply, much as he approved of the sentiment.
After that evening, during the next three weeks, the course of Daniel's love ran swiftly, if not always smoothly36; for his usually unreceptive soul was so deeply penetrated37 by the personality of this maiden34 whom he desired that he actually felt, intuitively, her aversion to certain phases of his mind the worthiness38 of which he had never before had a doubt, and he therefore curbed39, somewhat, the expression of his real self, adapting his discourse40, though vaguely41, to the evident tastes of the woman whose favour he sought. Also, his genuine interest in her made him less obnoxiously42 egotistical. Indeed, all his most offensive traits were, at this time, and unfortunately for poor Margaret's fate, kept so much in abeyance43, and so strongly did she, quite unconsciously, bring out the little best that was in him, that her earlier impression of him was speedily coloured over by the more gracious effect he produced as a self-effacing and worshipful lover—a lover to one who, for many years, had not been treated with even common consideration.
Had Daniel had the least idea how little Margaret was touched by the material value of the gifts he daily laid at her feet, he would certainly have saved himself some of the heavy expenditure44 he considered necessary for the accomplishment45 of his courting. If he had known that it was only the attention, the thoughtfulness, the devotion showered upon her constantly that meant so much to her whose life had hitherto been one long siege of self-sacrifice, he would surely have limited the quality, if not the quantity, of his offerings.
As Margaret came to realize that she was drifting surely, fatally, into the arms of Daniel Leitzel, her conscience forced her to try to justify46 her selling herself for a home.
"To marry without love? But I might have married 'Reverend Hoops47' for love! And he was so much worse—less possible," she amended48 her reflections, "than Daniel is. It was really love that I felt for that poor, bow-legged Hoops! Yes, the sort of love that would make marriage a madness of ecstasy49! Too great, indeed, for a human soul to bear! And even if one did not presently discover one's mate to be a delusion50 with an Adam's apple, who said 'Yes, sir,' to a negro, even if he continued to seem to you a worthy51 object of love, such an intoxication52 of happiness as I felt over my imaginary Hoops could not possibly continue, one's strength couldn't sustain it—one would end with nervous prostration53!
"Hattie and Walter, when they married, were romantically in love, and now, what could be more prosaic54 than their jog-trot relation? So much for love." She missed that phase of the question.
But there was another aspect of a loveless marriage that had to be reckoned with.
"How would I be better than a woman of the streets? Yes I would be better, for I would bear children. But children born outside of love? Well, Reverend Hoops might have been the father of my children even after I, recovered from 'loving' him, and every one of my children might have had an Adam's apple. Better, it seems to me, to marry with eyes open and not blinded by love.' Then, at least, one would not have to suffer a dreadful flop55 afterward56. The higher one's ideal in marriage, the more certainly does one seem doomed57 to bitter disillusionment. Probably the jog-trot, commonplace relation between a man and woman, recognized and accepted as such, is the only one likely to endure. Insist upon romance, and the end, I verily believe, is divorce. Daniel couldn't make me unhappy any more than he could make me happy—there's that comfort at least.
"As for a great passion of the soul, the man capable of it is certainly a rara avis and isn't likely to come my way. If I thought," said Margaret to herself, her heart beating thickly at the vision she called up from the depths in her, "that life held anywhere for me such a great spiritual passion, given and returned——" Her face turned white, she closed her eyes for an instant upon the too dazzling light of the vision. "But then," she resumed her self-justification, "if the highest ideal of marriage is unrealizable, should one compromise with a lower ideal, or avoid marriage altogether? I remember Uncle Osmond once said it was a psychological fact that a woman was happier even in a loveless marriage than in a single life. And, dear me, the race can't stop because poets have dreamed of a paradise which earth does not know!"
It seemed to be another trick of the irony59 of fate that while everything in Margaret's environment and in her education conduced to make her walk blindly into such a marriage as this with Daniel Leitzel, nothing in her whole life had in the least fitted her for meeting and coping with that which was before her as the wife of such a man as Daniel really was.
She was glad that the form which her lover's proposal of marriage assumed obviated60 any necessity on her part for salving over her own lack of sentiment.
"Of course, you have surmised61 ere this, Miss Berkeley—Margaret—that I intended to make you an offer of marriage, to ask you to become—my beloved wife!" he said impressively, and Margaret checked her inclination62 to beg him not to make it sound too much like a tombstone inscription63. "My proposal may seem to you precipitate64; I am aware it is unusual to propose on so short a courtship; you perhaps think I ought to keep on paying attentions to you for at least several months longer. But I can spare so little time away from my business. And to court you by correspondence—well, I am certainly too much of a gentleman to send typewritten letters, dictated65 to my stenographer66, to a lady, especially one so refined as you are and one whom I want to make my wife. And to write out letters myself, that's something I have neither time nor inclination for. And something I'm not used to either. So, I thought that while I'm down here on the spot, I might as well stay and conclude the matter. That is why I have been so pressing in my attentions to you—not to lose time, you see, which is money to me and should be to every man. So with as much haste as was consistent with propriety67 and tact68, Miss Berkeley, I've been leading up to this present hour in which I offer you my hand and heart and," he added, his tone becoming sentimental69, "my life's devotion."
It sounded for the most part like a lawyer's brief, Margaret thought, as, sitting white and quiet, she listened to him.
"You have given me every reason to think, Miss Berkeley, by your reception of my assiduous attentions, that my suit was agreeable to you and that you would accept me when I asked you to, in spite of the evident opposition70 of your sister and her husband."
"But they are not opposed to you. Why, what could have made you think so? They have been very kind to you, Mr. Leitzel."
"To me personally, yes; kind and hospitable71. But as your suitor? No. Have they not persistently72 put themselves in the way of my seeing you alone, and thus tried to interfere73 with my taking from them you and your—taking you from them?" he hastily concluded.
Daniel had been, all through this courtship, strangely, and to himself incomprehensibly, shy about making any inquiries74 as to Margaret's dowry, though he fairly suffered in the repression75 of his desire to know what she was "worth." He wondered what it really was that made him tongue-tied whenever he thought of "sounding" her? Perhaps it was that she, on her side, was so persistently reticent76 not only as to her own property but with regard to his possessions. Never had she even hinted any curiosity as to his income, though he had several times led up to the subject in order to give her the necessary opportunity. The matter would, of course, have to be talked out between them some time. Daniel was all prepared with his own story; he knew just exactly what statements he was going to "hand out" to his future wife and what he was not going to tell. But the strange thing was she didn't seem to feel the least interest in the matter.
When Margaret tried just now to assure him that her relatives' supposed interference with his attentions to her was wholly imaginary, she received her first glimpse of the notorious obstinacy77 of the little lawyer, and she recognized, with some consternation78, that when once an idea had found lodgment in his brain, it was there to stay; no reasoning or proof could dislodge it.
"Since your relatives are opposed to your marrying," he reiterated79 his conviction at the end of her proofs to the contrary, "I think it would be well if we got married before I returned to New Munich. This would not only save me the expense of another trip South, but would avert80 any further plotting on the part of your family. I'm afraid to leave the spot," he affirmed, "without taking you with me. Anyway, I can't." His face flushed and he fairly caught his breath as he gazed at her. "I'm thinking of you day and night, every hour, every minute! If I went back without you I couldn't work. I'm just crazy about you!"
It was this outburst of feeling that just saved the day for Daniel, his cold-blooded dissection81 of his penurious82 motives83 in his swift lovemaking having almost turned the tide against him.
"If we marry at all," said Margaret in a matter-of-fact tone, "I agree with you that it might as well be at once."
"'If at all?' Ah!" said Daniel almost coquettishly, "that's to remind me that you haven't accepted me yet? I'm going ahead too fast, am I? My feelings ran away with me, Margaret, for the moment because it's simply unthinkable to me that you should refuse me—I mean, I could not think of life without you now that I know and love you."
"Very well, I'll marry you, Mr. Leitzel. I might as well. But if it is to be done, we shall have to have a quiet wedding, you know."
Calmly as she spoke21, the colour dyed her cheeks as she realized the fatal finality of the words she uttered. Deep down in her soul, not clearly recognized by herself, was a vague sense of guilt84 in the thing she was doing, all her logic58 to the contrary notwithstanding. For every normal woman feels instinctively85 that the human relation which may make her a mother, if it is not a sacred and ennobling relation, must be a degrading one, and no experiences of life, however embittering86, can ever wholly obliterate87 this profound intuition. Cynical88 as were Margaret's theories of love and marriage, she could never have given herself to Daniel Leitzel had she not felt goaded89 to it by her unfitness to earn her living, and by her sister's desire to have her away. And even these two driving circumstances could not wholly exonerate90 her to herself from the charge before her conscience of unworthy weakness in taking an easy way out instead of grappling with her difficulty and conquering it, as great souls, she very well knew, have ever done.
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1
betrothal
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| n. 婚约, 订婚 | |
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automobile
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| n.汽车，机动车 | |
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3
squatting
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| v.像动物一样蹲下( squat的现在分词 )；非法擅自占用（土地或房屋）；为获得其所有权；而占用某片公共用地。 | |
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4
evoked
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| [医]诱发的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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6
liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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7
noted
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| adj.著名的，知名的 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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sprawling
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| adj.蔓生的，不规则地伸展的v.伸开四肢坐[躺]( sprawl的现在分词 )；蔓延；杂乱无序地拓展；四肢伸展坐着（或躺着） | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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conversational
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| adj.对话的，会话的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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outlaw
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| n.歹徒，亡命之徒；vt.宣布…为不合法 | |
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primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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paramount
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| a.最重要的，最高权力的 | |
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bespoke
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| adj.（产品）订做的；专做订货的v.预定( bespeak的过去式 )；订（货）；证明；预先请求 | |
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21
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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profane
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| adj.亵神的，亵渎的；vt.亵渎，玷污 | |
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flaunting
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| adj.招摇的，扬扬得意的，夸耀的v.炫耀，夸耀( flaunt的现在分词 )；有什么能耐就施展出来 | |
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Christian
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| adj.基督教徒的；n.基督教徒 | |
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dubiously
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| adv.可疑地，怀疑地 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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addicted
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| adj.沉溺于....的，对...上瘾的 | |
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vices
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| 缺陷( vice的名词复数 )； 恶习； 不道德行为； 台钳 | |
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30
softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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counteract
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| vt.对…起反作用，对抗，抵消 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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maidenly
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| adj. 像处女的, 谨慎的, 稳静的 | |
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maiden
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| n.少女，处女；adj.未婚的，纯洁的，无经验的 | |
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modesty
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| n.谦逊，虚心，端庄，稳重，羞怯，朴素 | |
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smoothly
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| adv.平滑地，顺利地，流利地，流畅地 | |
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penetrated
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| adj. 击穿的，鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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38
worthiness
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| 价值，值得 | |
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curbed
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| v.限制，克制，抑制( curb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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discourse
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| n.论文，演说；谈话；话语；vi.讲述，著述 | |
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vaguely
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| adv.含糊地，暖昧地 | |
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obnoxiously
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| adv. 可憎地 讨厌地 | |
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abeyance
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| n.搁置，缓办，中止，产权未定 | |
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expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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accomplishment
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| n.完成，成就，（pl.）造诣，技能 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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47
hoops
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| n.箍( hoop的名词复数 )；（篮球）篮圈；（旧时儿童玩的）大环子；（两端埋在地里的）小铁弓 | |
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48
Amended
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| adj. 修正的 动词amend的过去式和过去分词 | |
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ecstasy
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| n.狂喜，心醉神怡，入迷 | |
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delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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51
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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52
intoxication
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| n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning | |
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prostration
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| n. 平伏, 跪倒, 疲劳 | |
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prosaic
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| adj.单调的，无趣的 | |
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55
flop
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| n.失败(者)，扑通一声；vi.笨重地行动，沉重地落下 | |
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afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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doomed
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| 命定的 | |
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logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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59
irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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obviated
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| v.避免，消除（贫困、不方便等）( obviate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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surmised
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| v.臆测，推断( surmise的过去式和过去分词 )；揣测；猜想 | |
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62
inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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63
inscription
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| n.（尤指石块上的）刻印文字，铭文，碑文 | |
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64
precipitate
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| adj.突如其来的；vt.使突然发生；n.沉淀物 | |
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dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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stenographer
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| n.速记员 | |
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propriety
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| n.正当行为；正当；适当 | |
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68
tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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70
opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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hospitable
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| adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的 | |
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persistently
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| ad.坚持地；固执地 | |
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interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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repression
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| n.镇压，抑制，抑压 | |
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reticent
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| adj.沉默寡言的；言不如意的 | |
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obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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consternation
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| n.大为吃惊，惊骇 | |
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reiterated
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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avert
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| v.防止，避免；转移(目光、注意力等) | |
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dissection
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| n.分析；解剖 | |
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penurious
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| adj.贫困的 | |
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motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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embittering
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| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的现在分词 ) | |
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obliterate
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| v.擦去，涂抹，去掉...痕迹，消失，除去 | |
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cynical
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| adj.(对人性或动机)怀疑的，不信世道向善的 | |
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goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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exonerate
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| v.免除责任，确定无罪 | |
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