Patience Allerby occupied a very peculiar2 position, and knew that she did so, much to her perplexity. Ever since her lapse3 from virtue4 she had lived a self-denying existence as an expiation5 for her sin, and she had cause to be satisfied with the past twenty years of her life, seeing that she had done nothing wrong all the time. True, living in almost monastic existence, she had no temptations to fight against, and the absence of temptation rendered it comparatively easy to lead a virtuous6 life. Not being tempted7 she lived an ascetic8 life, being absolutely certain that she was strong enough to withstand any temptation, however powerful. Vain hope, for now the devil in the person of her old betrayer assaulted her on her weakest side. Had he tried to make her rob her master or return to her old life of sin, he would have failed dismally9, but an appeal through her motherhood was perilous10 to her strength, and Beaumont knew this when he used her love for Reginald as a weapon against her. In spite of her prayers, her tears, her comforting texts, she knew that if Beaumont wished her to commit any crime to benefit her son she would do so in defiance11 of her religious belief, however strong.
God alone knew the night of anguish12 this woman passed, wrestling with the subtle temptation placed before her in such an attractive shape. Those old saints, who, according to pious13 legends, fought with the visible powers of evil, had no such terrible enemies to cope with, in contrast to a soul racked with doubt fighting against spiritual promptings.
In vain this poor soul, who wished to do right, closed her ears to the infernal whisperings of evil spirits, in vain she read with frenzied14 ardour the terrible prophecies of Isaiah or the comforting promises of the Gospels, in vain she knelt weeping bitterly before the crucifix, praying to be guarded from falling into sin. It was all useless. Either spiritual weapons had lost their efficacy, or her intense maternal15 passion blunted her sense of religious duty, and after a terrible struggle with her invisible enemies, which left her completely prostrate16, she began to calmly consider Beaumont's scheme. From that moment she was lost; for, on reviewing the whole matter she began to pacify17 her conscience with arguments concerning the rectitude of the affair.
She would be doing no wrong to anyone--nay, she would be conferring a benefit on Una, seeing that by her marriage with Reginald she would be put in possession of the property at once, whereas should the will be carried out strictly18 she would have to wait everlastingly20 for the appearance of a non-existing person. Suppose she agreed to Beaumont's plan, and said Fanny Blake and the squire21 were the parents of her son, he would become rich and honoured, bearing a renowned22 name and no longer be an unknown waif, heavily handicapped in the battle of life.
On the other hand he would learn the shame of his birth, and that would cast an everlasting19 shadow on his young spirit. What wealth--what position could compensate23 in his own eyes for the moral stigma24 thus cast upon him. He might succeed to the property, marry Una, and thus do no harm to anyone, still, if he became a father, how deeply would he feel for the sins of his parents being visited on his offspring. No, she could not place him in such a position; better for him to remain unknown and obscure, with a full belief in his honourable25 birth, than go through life haunted by the spectre of an intolerable disgrace.
While thus hesitating between these two views of the case, a sudden idea came to her, which inclined her to refuse to help Beaumont and let the boy make his own life, ignorant of the stain on his name. The squire, in spite of his miserly habits, had a kind heart. She would ask him to give Reginald fifty or a hundred pounds to help him, then the lad could go to London and make a position by his vocal26 talents. Thus, he would benefit in no way through money unjustly obtained, and Una, being in possession of the property, he could marry her and enjoy it just the same as if the scheme were carried out. Yes, it would be the best way; he would at least never know who or what he was, and she would thus assist him in life without committing a crime. The more she thought of the plan the better she liked it, and falling on her knees in the dark she thanked God long and fervently27 for the solution he had shown her of the difficulty.
Next morning she proceeded to carry her ideas into effect, for after Miss Cassy and Una had paid their usual morning visit, she found herself alone with the squire and in a position to make her request.
Garsworth was lying in bed, propped28 up by pillows, and looked very feeble indeed, so that Patience saw the end could not be far off, in spite of Nestley's care and attention.
After his recovery from his debauch29, Nestley had felt bitter shame at his fall, but having lost his self-respect by thus reverting30 to his old ways, he tried to drown remorse31 by drinking, and alcohol was rapidly regaining32 all its old influence over him. Still he did not let it interfere33 with his attendance on the Squire, and if the old man saw that Nestley's hand was shaky, and his eyes becoming bleared, he said nothing, and the unhappy young man performed his duties in a mechanical way, drinking deeply whenever an opportunity offered.
Nestley, looking haggard and unsteady after his drinking of the previous night, had just left the room, leaving Patience alone with the Squire, when the old man spoke34 sharply:
"Patience, what is the matter with the doctor?"
"Drink!" she answered laconically35.
"Drink!" repeated the Squire, raising himself on his elbow. "Nonsense, woman, you must be mistaken, he drinks neither wine nor spirits."
"He never did until a week ago," answered Patience coolly, "he used to be a total abstainer36, but now--well, you can see for yourself."
The long connection that had existed between this strange couple as master and servant, had developed between them a certain amount of familiarity.
"I remember," said Garsworth musingly37, "that in my last incarnation, I drank ale very much--it was in the reign38 of Elizabeth, and we drank confusion to the King of Spain--it resulted in confusion to myself. If I had not been a drunkard, I would not have been a pauper39; it's a pity this young man should follow the same downward path."
"It's his own fault," replied Patience in a stony40 manner, "he ought to stop when he finds it does him harm."
"No doubt," returned the old man acidly, "but did you ever know a man deny himself anything if it did him harm?"
"You did."
"Yes, because I had an object to gain. The life I led in Town was very pleasant, but it would have left me a pauper for my next incarnation."
It was no use trying to argue the old man out of his delusion41, so Patience said nothing, but stood beside him in grim silence with folded arms.
"I'll enjoy myself when I'm born again," pursued Garsworth exultingly42. "I will have plenty of money and a new body. I will have youth once again. Oh, youth! youth! how short are your golden hours. Young men never know the treasure they possess in youth, and waste it in idleness and folly43; there's that child you brought up, Reginald Blake----"
"I did not bring him up."
"Well, well," rejoined Garsworth testily44. "You know what I mean, you were his nurse--but he has youth, good looks, health and talents--why doesn't he go to London with such advantages, instead of wasting his life in a dull village?"
"He's got no money," retorted Patience icily; "all you mention go for nothing without money."
"No doubt, no doubt," muttered Garsworth, his eyes gleaming; "money is a necessity--still he has talents, I hear."
"What can talents do?"
"Everything; a clever brain commands the world."
"I dare say," retorted Patience ironically, "if it gets money to give it a start. Master Reginald has it in him to make a great name by his voice, but he needs help--the help of money--who will give him that help?"
She eyed the old man keenly as she spoke.
"Ah, who indeed?" he replied carelessly, "who indeed?"
"Why not yourself?" said the housekeeper45 eagerly.
"I?" he ejaculated in surprise.
"Yes, you," she retorted vehemently46. "I was as you say the nurse of that boy. I have loved him far more than his dead parents ever did; they left him to me, and I stood in his mother's place: it is my dearest wish that he should succeed--with money he can do so. I have served you long and faithfully and asked no favour, but now that you have mentioned his name, I ask this first and last favour of you, give him money and help him to succeed."
"Do you think I'm mad?" cried the old man shrilly47. "Why should I help him? What is he to me? I have gathered all my wealth by years of self-denial. I want to enjoy it in my next existence, not squander48 it in this by helping49 a pauper."
"And yet you talk of the golden hours of youth," she replied bitterly. "It's easy saying, but hard doing. What is a hundred pounds to you?--a drop in the ocean. What is it to him?--everything."
"I can't part with my money," he said doggedly50, turning his face away.
Her voice took a tender tone as she pleaded for her son.
"He has no claim upon you, I know, but think of his youth, his talents, wasted in this dull village. You say you will remember in your next body what you have done in this; for years you have never done a kind action to a human being, do one now by helping this lad, and your next existence will be none the worse for having helped an unknown man."
The old man made no reply, but was clearly moved by her argument.
"And again," said Patience, still in the same anxious voice, "with your help he will make a position in the world. What position will you occupy? with all your money, you may be born a prince or a ploughboy--you do not know--but in whatever station you are born, his influence, his friendship, may be a help to you, and it will be all the more precious when you know it is your work."
The woman's voice died away in a soft manner, and she anxiously watched the old man's wrinkled face to see if he would do what she asked. Evidently her words appealed either to his selfishness or good nature, for, turning towards her, a smile spread over his crabbed51 face.
"I'll do it, Patience," he said quickly. "I'll do it--perhaps he will be of help to me in my next life--get me my cheque book, and I'll write a cheque for fifty pounds--no more--no more. I can't afford it."
"Fifty is no use--say one hundred," she urged eagerly.
"Well, well! one hundred," he said peevishly52, "it's a large sum, still it may do good to me. I'll write a letter with it, and tell him he must do what I ask in my next life. Will he do that?"
"Yes! Yes!" she replied impatiently, in nowise affronted53 by his selfish motives54. "He is not the man to forget a kind action."
"You don't thank me," he said angrily, as she went over to the escritoire and got his cheque book. "Grasping! ungrateful!"
"I'm not ungrateful," she retorted, bringing the pen and ink to him with the cheque book, and a block of blotting55 paper to write on, "but I do thank you. I was never one for lip service."
"Bah! women are all alike," he said viciously, sitting up in bed, and seizing the pen. "Go and bring me some letter paper and an envelope."
She did so, and returned to his bedside by the time he had written the cheque.
"I've post-dated this cheque," he said cunningly, "because I won't send it to him till just before I die."
"What do you mean by post-dated?"
"This is the twelfth," he replied, smoothing out the letter paper, "I have dated it the thirtieth."
"How do you know you'll die then?"
"I don't know if I will, you fool," he retorted angrily, "but I think so--if I don't I'll write another cheque."
"Yes, and change your mind."
"No--no--a promise is a promise--if he helps me in the future I'll help him now--be quiet, you cat, I want to write."
She remained silent, and very slowly and painfully the old man wrote a letter, then he directed the envelope to Reginald Blake at the Vicarage and placed the letter and cheque therein. After doing this he closed the letter and told her to bring sealing-wax and his seal.
"What for?" she asked, going over to his desk.
"Because I'm not going to let anyone but himself see what I have written--you needn't be afraid--I will do what I say, look at the cheque, you fool."
She had brought a candle to the bedside so that he could melt the wax for the seal, and as he held the cheque out to her she read it in the dim light.
"It's all right," she said with a sigh of relief, "I thank you very much."
"You needn't," he retorted cynically56, sealing the letter with the Garsworth arms. "I do it for my own sake not his; now put this letter in the desk and let me see you do it."
He handed her his keys, so taking them and the letter over to the desk, she deposited it in the place indicated by his lean, outstretched finger, and having locked it safely up, blew out the candle and brought the keys back to him.
The Squire placed them under his pillow, then lay down again with a sigh of exhaustion57.
"There, I've done what you asked," he said in a dull voice, "now go away. I'll sleep a little."
Patience carefully tucked all the clothes round him and then left the room with a look of triumph on her face.
"Now, Basil Beaumont," she said when she was outside the door. "I think I can laugh at you and your threats about my son."
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1
discord
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| n.不和，意见不合，争论，（音乐）不和谐 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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3
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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4
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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expiation
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| n.赎罪，补偿 | |
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6
virtuous
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| adj.有品德的，善良的，贞洁的，有效力的 | |
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7
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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8
ascetic
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| adj.禁欲的；严肃的 | |
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9
dismally
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| adv.阴暗地，沉闷地 | |
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10
perilous
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| adj.危险的，冒险的 | |
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11
defiance
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| n.挑战，挑衅，蔑视，违抗 | |
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12
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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13
pious
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| adj.虔诚的；道貌岸然的 | |
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14
frenzied
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| a.激怒的；疯狂的 | |
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15
maternal
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| adj.母亲的，母亲般的，母系的，母方的 | |
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16
prostrate
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| v.拜倒，平卧，衰竭；adj.拜倒的，平卧的，衰竭的 | |
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17
pacify
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| vt.使(某人)平静(或息怒)；抚慰 | |
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18
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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19
everlasting
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| adj.永恒的，持久的，无止境的 | |
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everlastingly
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| 永久地，持久地 | |
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squire
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| n.护卫, 侍从, 乡绅 | |
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22
renowned
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| adj.著名的，有名望的，声誉鹊起的 | |
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23
compensate
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| vt.补偿，赔偿；酬报 vi.弥补；补偿；抵消 | |
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24
stigma
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| n.耻辱，污名；(花的)柱头 | |
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25
honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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26
vocal
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| adj.直言不讳的；嗓音的；n.[pl.]声乐节目 | |
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27
fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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28
propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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29
debauch
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| v.使堕落，放纵 | |
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30
reverting
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| 恢复( revert的现在分词 )； 重提； 回到…上； 归还 | |
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31
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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32
regaining
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| 复得( regain的现在分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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33
interfere
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| v.(in)干涉，干预；(with)妨碍，打扰 | |
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34
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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35
laconically
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| adv.简短地，简洁地 | |
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36
abstainer
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| 节制者，戒酒者，弃权者 | |
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37
musingly
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| adv.沉思地，冥想地 | |
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38
reign
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| n.统治时期，统治，支配，盛行；v.占优势 | |
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39
pauper
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| n.贫民，被救济者，穷人 | |
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40
stony
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| adj.石头的，多石头的，冷酷的，无情的 | |
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41
delusion
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| n.谬见，欺骗，幻觉，迷惑 | |
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42
exultingly
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| 兴高采烈地，得意地 | |
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43
folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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44
testily
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| adv. 易怒地, 暴躁地 | |
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45
housekeeper
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| n.管理家务的主妇，女管家 | |
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46
vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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47
shrilly
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| 尖声的； 光亮的，耀眼的 | |
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48
squander
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| v.浪费，挥霍 | |
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49
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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50
doggedly
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| adv.顽强地，固执地 | |
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51
crabbed
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| adj.脾气坏的；易怒的；（指字迹）难辨认的；（字迹等）难辨认的v.捕蟹( crab的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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52
peevishly
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| adv．暴躁地 | |
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53
affronted
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| adj.被侮辱的，被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 )；相遇 | |
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54
motives
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| n.动机，目的( motive的名词复数 ) | |
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55
blotting
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| 吸墨水纸 | |
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56
cynically
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| adv.爱嘲笑地，冷笑地 | |
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57
exhaustion
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| n.耗尽枯竭，疲惫，筋疲力尽，竭尽，详尽无遗的论述 | |
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