Jim Britt was not the least conspicuous5 among the men of Last Chance. Withal, Jim Britt was much diffused6 throughout the commerce of that village and claimed interests in a dozen local establishments, from a lumber7 yard to a hotel. Spare of frame, and of an anxious predatory nose, was Jim Britt; and his gray eyes ever roving for a next investment; and the more novel the enterprise, the more leniently8 did Jim Britt regard it. The new had for him a fascination9, since he was in way and heart an Alexander and hungered covetously10 for further worlds to conquer. Thus it befell that Jim Britt came naturally to his desire to build a railway when the exigencies11 of his affairs opened gate to the suggestion.
Jim Britt became the proprietor12 of a lead mine—or was it zinc13?—in southeastern Missouri, and no mighty14 distance from his own abode15 of Last Chance. The mine was somewhat thrust upon Jim Britt by Fate, since he accepted it for a bad debt. It was “lead mine or nothing,” and Jim Britt, whose instincts, like Nature, abhorred16 a vacuum, took the mine. It was a good mine, but a drawback lurked17 in the location; it lay over the Ozark Hills and far away from any nearest whistle of a railroad.
This isolation18 taught Jim Britt the thought of connecting his mine by rail with Last Chance; the latter was an easiest nearest point, and the route offered a most accommodating grade. A straight line, or as the crow is said to fly but doesn’t, would make the length of the proposed improvement fifty miles. When done, it would serve not only Jim Britt’s mine, but admirably as a feeder for the Fort Scot and Gulf19; and Jim Britt foresaw riches in that. Altogether, the notion was none such desperate scheme.
There was a side serious, however, which must be considered. The line would cross the extreme northeast angle of the Indian Territory, or as it is styled in those far regions, the “Nation,” and for this invasion of redskin holdings the consent of the general government, through its Congress assembled, must be secured.
Jim Britt; far from being depressed20, said he would go to Washington and get it; he rather reveled in the notion. Samantha, his wife, shook her head doubtfully.
“Jim Britt,” said Samantha, severely21, “you ain’t been east since Mr. Lincoln was shot. You know no more of Washington than a wolf. I’d give that railroad up; and especially, I’d keep away from Congress. Don’t try to braid that mule22’s tail”—Samantha was lapsing23 into the metaphor24 common of Last Chance—“don’t try to braid that mule’s tail. It’ll kick you plumb25 out o’ the stall.”
But Jim Britt was firm; the mule simile26 in no sort abated27 him.
0199
“But what could you do with Congress?” persisted Samantha; “you, a stranger and alone?”
Jim Britt argued that one determined29 individual could do much; energy wisely employed would overcome mere30 numbers. He cited the ferocious31 instance of a dim relative of his own, a vivacious32 person yclept Turner, who because of injuries fancied or real, hung for years about the tribal33 flanks of the Comanches and potted their leading citizens. This the vigorous Turner kept up until he had corralled sixty Comanche top-nots; and the end was not yet when the Comanches themselves appealed to their agent for protection. They said they couldn’t assemble for a green corn dance, or about a regalement34 of baked dog, without the Winchester of the unauthorized Turner barking from some convenient hill; the squaws would then have nothing left but to wail36 the death song of some eminent37 spirit thus sifted38 from their midst. When they rode to the hill in hunt of Turner, he would be miles away on his pony, and adding to his safety with every jump. The Comanches were much disgusted, and demanded the agent’s interference.
Upon this mournful showing, Turner was brought in and told to desist; and as a full complement39 of threats, which included among their features a trial at Fort Smith and a gibbet, went with the request, Turner was in the end prevailed on to let his Winchester sleep in its rack, and thereafter the Comanches danced and devoured41 dog unscared. The sullen42 Turner said the Comanches had slain43 his parent long ago; the agent expressed regrets, but stuck for it that even with such an impetus44 a normal vengeance45 should have run itself out with the conquest of those sixty scalps.
Jim Britt told this story of Turner to Samantha; and then he argued that as the Comanches were made to feel a one-man power by the industrious46 Turner, so would he, Jim Britt, for all he stood alone, compel Congress to his demands. He would take that right of way across the Indian Territory from between their very teeth. He was an American citizen and Congress was his servant; in this wise spake Jim Britt.
“That’s all right,” argued the pessimistic Samantha; “that’s all right about your drunken Turner; but he had a Winchester. Now you ain’t goin’ to tackle Congress with no gun, Jim Britt.”
Despite the gloomy prophecies of Samantha, whom Jim Britt looked on as a kind of Cassandra without having heard of Cassandra, our would-be railroad builder wound up the threads and loose ends of his Last Chance businesses, and having, as he described it, “fixed47 things so they would run themselves for a month,” struck out for Washington. Jim Britt carried twenty-five hundred dollars in his pocket, confidence in his heart, and Samantha’s forebode of darkling failure in his ears.
While no fop and never setting up to be the local Brummel, Jim Britt’s clothes theretofore had matched both his hour and environment, and held their decent own in the van of Last Chance fashion. But the farther Jim Britt penetrated48 to the eastward49 in his native land, the more his raiment seemed to fall behind the age; and at the last, when he was fairly within the gates of Washington, he began to feel exceeding wild and strange. Also, it affected51 him somewhat to discover himself almost alone as a tobacco chewer, and that a great art preserved in its fullness by Last Chance had fallen to decay along the Atlantic. These, however, were questions of minor52 moment, and save that his rococo53 garb54 drove the sensitive Jim Britt into cheap lodgings55 in Four-and-one-half Street, instead of one of the capital’s gilded56 hotels, they owned no effect.
This last is set forth57 in defence against an imputation58 of parsimony59 on the side of Jim Britt. He was one who spent his money like a king whenever and wherever his education or experience pointed60 the way. It was his clothes of a remote period to make him shy, else Jim Britt would have shrunk not from the Raleigh itself, but climbed and clambered and browsed62 among the timberline prices of its grill-room, as safe and satisfied as ever browsed mountain goat on the high levels of its upland home. Yea, forsooth! Jim Britt, like a sailor ashore63, could spend his money with a free and happy hand.
Jim Britt, acting64 on a hint offered of his sensibilities, for a first step reclothed himself from a high-priced shop; following these improvements, save for the fact that he appalled65 the eye as a trifle gorgeous, he might not have disturbed the sacred taste of Connecticut Avenue itself. In short, in the matter of garb, Jim Britt, while audible, was down to date.
With the confidence born of his new clothes—for clothes in some respects may make the man—Jim Britt sate66 him down to study Congress. He deemed it a citadel67 to be stormed; not lacking in military genius he began to look it over for a weak point.
These adventures of Jim Britt now about a record, occurred, you should understand, almost a decade ago. In that day there should have been eighty-eight senators and three hundred and fifty-six representatives, albeit68, by reason of death or failure to elect, a not-to-be-noticed handful of seats were vacant.
By an industrious perusal69 of the Congressional directory, wherein the skeleton of each House was laid out and told in all its divers71 committee small-bones, Jim Britt began to understand a few of the lions in his path. For his confusion he found that Congress was sub-divided into full sixty committees, beginning with such giant conventions as the Ways and Means, Appropriations72, Military, Naval73, Coinage, Weights and Measures, Banking74 and Currency, Indian, Public Lands, Postal75, and Pensions, and dwindling76 down to ignoble77 riffraff—which owned each a chairman, a committee room, a full complement of clerks and messengers, and an existence, but never convened78—like the Committee on Acoustics79 and Ventliation, and Alcoholic80 Liquor Traffic.
Jim Britt learned also of the Sergeants81 at Arms of Senate and House, and how these dignitaries controlled the money for those bodies and paid the members their salaries. Incidentally, and by way of gossip, he was told of that House Sergeant82 who had levanted with the riches entrusted83 to his hands, and left the broken membership, gnashing its teeth in poverty and impotent gloom, unable to draw pay.
Then, too, there was a Document Room where the bills and resolutions were kept when printed. Also, about each of the five doors of House and Senate, when those sacred gatherings85 were in session, there were situated86 a host of messengers, carried for twelve hundred dollars a year each on the Doorkeeper’s rolls. It was the duty and pleasure of these myrmidons to bring forth members into the corridors, to the end that they be refreshed with a word of counsel from constituents87 who had traveled thither88 for that purpose; and in the finish to lend said constituents money to return home.
Jim Britt, following these first connings of the directory, went personally to the capitol, and from the galleries, leaning his chin on the rail the while, gazed earnestly on greatness about the transaction of its fame. These studies and personally conducted tours, and those conversations to be their incident which came off between Jim Britt and chance-blown folk who fell across his pathway, enlarged Jim Britt’s store of information in sundry89 fashions. He discovered that full ten thousand bills and resolutions were introduced each Congress; that by virtue90 of a mere narrowness of time not more than five per cent, of this storm of business could be dealt with, the other ninety-five, whether for good or ill, being starved to death for lack of occasion. The days themselves were no longer than five working hours since Congress convened at noon.
The great radical91 difference between House and Senate loomed92 upon Jim Britt in a contrast of powers which abode with the presiding officers of those mills to grind new laws. The president of the Senate owned few or none. He might enforce Jefferson’s rules for debates and call a recalcitrant93 senator to order, a call to which the recalcitrant paid little heed94 beyond tart95 remarks on his part concerning his own high determinations to yield to no gavel tyranny, coupled with a forceful though conceited96 assurance flung to the Senate at large, that he, the recalcitrant, knew his rights (which he never did), and would uphold them (which he never failed to do.) The Senate president named no committees; owned no control over the order of business; indeed he was limited to a vote on ties, a warning that he would clear the galleries (which was never done) when the public therein roosting, applauded, and the right to prevent two senators from talking at one and the same time. These marked the utmost measure of his influence. Any senator could get the floor for any purpose, and talk on any subject from Prester John to Sheep in the Seventeenth Century, while his strength stood. Also, and much as dogs have kennels97 permitted them for their habitation, the presiding officer of the Senate—in other words, the Vice-President of the nation—was given a room, separate and secluded98 to himself, into which he might creep when chagrin99 for his own unimportance should overmaster him or otherwise his woes100 become greater than he might publicly bear.
The House Speaker was a vastly different cock, with a louder crow and longer spur. The Speaker was a king, indeed; and an absolute monarch101 or an autocrat102 or what you will that signifies one who may do as he chooses, exercise unbridled will, and generally sit beneath the broad shadows of the vine and the fig104 tree of his prerogatives105 with none to molest106 him or make him afraid. The Speaker was, so to phrase it, the entire House, the other three hundred and fifty-five members acting only when he consented or compelled them, and then usually by his suggestion and always under his thumb. No bill could be considered without the Speaker’s permission; and then for so long only as he should allow, and by what members he preferred. No man could speak to a measure wanting the gracious consent of this dignitary; and no word could be uttered—at least persisted in—To which he felt distaste. The Speaker, when lengths and breadths are measured, was greater than the Moscow Czar and showed him a handless infant by comparison.
As a half-glove of velvet107 for his iron hand, and to mask and soften108 his pure autocracy—which if seen naked might shock the spirit of Americanism—there existed a Rules Committee. This subbody, whereof the Speaker was chief, carried, besides himself, but two members; and these he personally selected, as indeed he did the entire membership of every committee on the House muster-rolls. This Rules Committee, with the Speaker in absolute sway, acted with reference to the House at large as do the Board of Judges for a racecourse. It declared each day what bills should be taken up, limited debate, and to pursue the Track simile to a last word, called on this race or cleared the course of that race, and fairly speaking dry-nursed the House throughout its travels, romps109 and lessons.
Jim Britt discovered that in all, counting Speaker, Rules Committee, and a dozen chairmen of the great committees, there existed no more than fifteen folk who might by any stretch of veracity110 be said to have a least of voice in the transaction of House business. In the gagged and bound cases of the other three hundred and forty-one, and for what public good or ill to flow from them, their constituents would have fared as well had they, instead of electing these representatives, confined themselves to writing the government a letter setting forth their wants.
In reference to his own bill, Jim Britt convinced himself of two imposing111 truths. Anybody would and could introduce it in either House or Senate or in both at once; then, when thus introduced and it had taken the routine course to the proper committee, the situation would ask the fervent112 agreement of a majority in each body, to say nothing of the Speaker’s consent—a consent as hard to gain as a girl’s—to bring it up for passage.
Nor was there any security of concert. The bill might be fashionable, not to say popular, with one body, while the other turned rigid113 back upon it. It might live in the House to die in the Senate, or succeed in the Senate and perish in the House. There were no safety and little hope to be won in any corner, and the lone28 certainty to peer forth upon Jim Britt was that the chances stood immeasurably against him wherever he turned his eyes. The camel for the needle’s eye and the rich man into heaven, were easy and feasible when laid side by side with the Congressional outlook for his bill.
While Jim Britt was now sensibly cast down and pressed upon by despair, within him the eagerness for triumph grew taller with each day. For one daunting114 matter, should he return empty of hand, Samantha would wear the fact fresh and new upon her tongue’s end to the last closing of his eyes. It would become a daily illustration—an hourly argument in her practiced mouth.
There was one good to come to Jim Britt by his investigations115 and that was a good instruction. Like many another, Jim Britt, from the deceitful distance of Last Chance, had ever regarded both House and Senate as gigantic conspiracies117. They were eaten of plot and permeated118 of intrigue119; it was all chicane and surprise and sharp practice. Congress was a name for traps and gins and pits and snares120 and deadfalls. The word meant tunnels and trap-doors and vaults121 and dungeons122 and sinister123 black whatnot. Jim Britt never paused to consider wherefore Congress should, for ends either clean or foul124, conceal125 within itself these midnight commodities of mask and dark-lantern, and go about its destiny a perennial126 Guy Fawkes, ready to explode a situation with a touch and blow itself and all concerned to far-spread flinders. Had he done so he might have dismissed these murky127 beliefs.
It is, however, never too late to mend. It began now to dawn upon Jim Britt by the morning light of what he read and heard and witnessed, that both Houses in their plan and movement were as simple as a wire fence; no more recondite128 than is a pair of shears129. They might be wrong, but they were not intricate; they might spoil a deal of cloth in their cutting, or grow dull of edge or loose of joint130 and so not cut at all, but they were not mysterious. Certainly, Congress was no more a conspiracy131 than is a flock of geese, and a brooding hen would be as guilty of a plot and as deep given to intrigue. Congress was a stone wall or a precipice132 or a bridgeless gulf or chloroform or what one would that was stupefying or difficult of passage to the border of the impossible, but there dwelt nothing occult or secret or unknowable in its bowels133. These truths of simplicity134 Jim Britt began to learn and, while they did not cheer, at least they served to clear him up.
Following two weeks of investigation116, Jim Britt secured the introduction of his bill. This came off by asking; the representative from the Last Chance district performing in the one body, while one of the Kansas senators acted in the more venerable convention.
Now when the bill was introduced, printed, and in the lap of the proper committee, Jim Britt went to work to secure the bill’s report. He might as well have stormed the skies to steal a star; he found himself as helpless as a fly in amber61.
About this hour in his destinies, Jim Britt made a radical and, as it turned, a decisive move. He had now grown used to Washington and Washington to him, and while folk still stared and many grinned, Jim Britt did not receive that ovation135 as he moved about which marked and made unhappy his earlier days in the town. Believing it necessary to his bill’s weal, Jim Britt began to haunt John Chamberlin’s house of call as then was, and to scrape acquaintance with statesmen who passed hours of ease and wine in its parlors136.
In the commencement of his Chamberlin experiences Jim Britt met much to affright him. A snowy-bearded senator from Nevada sat at a table. On seeing Jim Britt smile upon him in a friendly way—he was hoping to make the senator’s acquaintance—he of the snow-beard, apropos137 of nothing, suddenly thundered:
“I have this day read John Sherman’s defence of the Crime of ’Seventy-Three. John Sherman contends that no crime was committed because no criminals were caught.”
This outburst so dismayed Jim Britt that he sought a far corner and no more tempted138 the explosiveness of Snow-Beard.
Again, Jim Britt would engage a venerable senator from Alabama in talk. He was instantly taken by the helpless button, and for a quintette of hours told of the national need of a Panama Canal, and given a list of what railroads in their venality139 set the flinty face of their opposition140 to its coming about.
These things, the thunders of Snow-Beard and the exhaustive settings forth of the senator from the south, pierced Jim Britt; for he reflected that if the questions of silver and Panama could not be budged141 for their benefit by these gentlemen of beard and long experience and who dwelt well within the breastworks of legislation, then his bill for that small right of way, and none to aid it save himself in his poor obscurity, could hope for nothing except death and burial where it lay.
There was a gentleman of Congress well known and loved as the Statesman from Tupelo. He was frequent and popular about Chamberlin’s. The Statesman from Tupelo was a humorist of celebration and one of the redeeming142 features of the House of Representatives. His eye fell upon the queer, ungainly form of Jim Britt, with hungry face, eyes keen but guileless, and nose of falcon144 curve.
The Statesman from Tupelo beheld145 in Jim Britt with his Gothic simplicity a self-offered prey146 to the spear of every joker. The Statesman from Tupelo, with a specious147 suavity148 of accent and a blandness149 irresistible150, drew forth Jim Britt in converse151. The latter, flustered152, flattered, went to extremes of confidence and laid frankly153 bare his railroad hopes and fears which were now all fears.
The Statesman from Tupelo listened with decorous albeit sympathetic gravity. When Jim Britt was done he spoke154:
“As you say,” observed the Statesman from Tupelo, “your one chance is to get acquainted with a majority of both Houses and interest them personally in your bill.”
“But how might a party do that soonest?” asked Jim Britt. “I don’t want to camp yere for the balance of my days. Besides, thar’s Samantha.”
“Certainly, there’s Samantha,” assented155 the Statesman from Tupelo. Then following a pause:
“I suppose the readiest method would be to give a dinner. Could you undertake that?”
“Why, I reckon I could.”
The dinner project obtained kindly156 foothold in the breast of Jim Britt; he had read of such banquet deeds as a boy when the papers told the splendors157 of Sam Ward50 and the Lucullian day of the old Pacific Mail. Jim Britt had had no experience of Chamberlin prices, since his purchases at that hotel had gone no farther a-field than a now-and-then cigar. He had for most part subsisted158 at those cheap restaurants which—for that there be many threadbare folk, spent with their vigils about Congress, hoping for their denied rights—are singularly abundant in Washington. These modest places of regale35 would give no good notion of Chamberlin’s, but quite the contrary. Wherefore, Jim Britt, quick with railway ardor159 and to get back to the far-away Samantha, took the urgent initiative, and said he would order the dinner for what night the Statesman from Tupelo deemed best, if only that potent84 spirit would agree to gather in the guests.
“We will have the dinner, then,” said He of Tupelo, “on next Saturday. You can tell Chamberlin; and I’ll see to the guests.”
“How many?” said Chamberlin’s steward160, when he received the orders of Jim Britt.
The coming railway magnate looked at the Statesman from Tupelo.
“Say fifty,” remarked the Statesman from Tupelo.
Jim Britt was delighted. He would have liked sixty guests better, or if one might, one hundred; but fifty was a fair start. There could come other dinners, for the future holds a deal of room. In time Jim Britt might dine a full moiety161 of Congress. The dinner was fixed; the menu left to the steward’s ingenuity162 and taste; and now when the situation was thus relaid, and Saturday distant but two days, Jim Britt himself called for an apartment at Chamberlin’s, sent for his one trunk, and established himself on the scene of coming dinner action to have instant advantage of whatever offered that might be twisted to affect his lead-mine road.
The long tables for Jim Britt’s dinner were spread in a dining room upstairs. There were fifty covers, and room for twenty more should twenty come. The apartment itself was a jungle of tropical plants, and the ground plan of the feast laid on a scale of bill-threatening magnificence.
This was but right. For when the steward would have consulted the exultant163 Jim Britt whose florid imaginings had quite carried him off his feet, that gentleman said simply:
“Make the play with the bridle103 off! Don’t pinch down for a chip.”
Thereupon the steward cast aside restraint and wandered forth upon that dinner with a heart care-free and unrestrained. He would make of it a moment of terrapin164 and canvas-back and burgundy which time should date from and folk remember for long to the Chamberlin praise.
Saturday arrived, and throughout the afternoon Jim Britt, by grace of the good steward, who had a pride of his work and loved applause, teetered in and out of the dining room and with dancing eye and mouth ajar gave rein70 to admiration165. It would be a mighty dinner; it would land his bill in his successful hands, and make, besides, a story to amaze the folk of Last Chance to a standstill. These be not our words; rather they flowed as the advance jubilations of Jim Britt.
There was one thought to bear upon Jim Britt to bashful disadvantage. The prospect166 of entertaining fifty statesmen shook his confidence and took his breath. To repair these disasters he called privily167 from time to time for whiskey.
It was not over-long before he talked thickly his encomiums to the steward. On his last visit to survey that fairyland of a dining room, Jim Britt counted covers laid for several hundred guests; what was still more wondrous168, he believed they would come and the prospect rejoiced him. There were as many lights, too, in the chandeliers as stars of a still winter’s night, while the apartment seemed as large as a ten-acre lot and waved a broad forest of foliage169.
That he might be certainly present on the arrival of the first guest—for Jim Britt knew and felt his duties as a host—Jim Britt lay down upon a lounge which, to one side, was deeply, sweetly bowered170 beneath the overhanging palms. Then Jim Britt went earnestly to sleep and was no more to be aroused than a dead man.
The Statesman from Tupelo appeared; by twos and threes and tens, gathered the guests; Jim Britt slept on the sleep of innocence171 without a dream. A steering172 committee named to that purpose on the spot by the Statesman from Tupelo, sought to recover Jim Britt to a knowledge of his fortunate honors. Full sixty guests were there, and it was but right that he be granted the pleasure, not to say the glory, of their acquaintance.
It was of no avail; Jim Britt would not be withdrawn173 from slumbers174 deep as death. The steering committee suspended its labors175 of restoration. As said the chairman in making his report, which, with a wine glass in his hand, he subsequently did between soup and fish:
“Our most cunning efforts were fruitless. We even threw water on him, but it was like throwing water on a drowned rat.”
Thus did his slumbers defend themselves, and Jim Britt snore unchecked.
But the dinner was not to flag. The Statesman from Tupelo took the head of the table and the chairman of the steering committee the foot, the repast proceeded while wine and humor flowed.
It was a dream of a dinner, a most desirable dinner, a dinner that should stand for years an honor to Jim Britt of Last Chance. It raged from eight till three. Corks176 and jokes were popping while laughter walked abroad; speeches were made and songs were sung. Through it all, the serene177 founder178 of the feast slept on, and albeit eloquence179 took up his name and twined about it flowery compliment, he knew it not. Tranquilly180 on his lounge he abode in dear oblivion.
Things mundane181 end and so did Jim Britt’s dinner. There struck an hour when the last song was sung, the last jest was made, and the last guest departed away. The Statesman from Tupelo superintended the transportation of Jim Britt to his room, and having made him safe, He of Tupelo went also out into the morning, and that famous banquet was of the perfumed past.
It dawned Wednesday before the Statesman from Tupelo called again at Chamberlin’s to ask for the excellent Jim Britt. The Statesman from Tupelo explained wherefore he was thus laggard182.
“I thought,” he said to Chamberlin, “that our friend would need Sunday, Monday and Tuesday to straighten up his head.”
“The man’s gone,” said Chamberlin; “he departed Monday morning.”
“And whither?”
“Home to Last Chance.”
“What did he go home for?”
“That dinner broke him, I guess. It cost about eighteen hundred dollars, and he only had a little over a hundred when the bill was paid.”
The Statesman from Tupelo mused183, while clouds of regret began to gather on his brow. His conscience had him by the collar; his conscience was avenging184 that bankruptcy185 of Jim Britt.
The Statesman from Tupelo received Jim Britt’s address from the hands of Chamberlin’s clerk. The next day the Statesman from Tupelo wrote Jim Britt a letter. It ran thus:
Chamberlin’s Hotel.
My Dear Sir:—
Don’t come back. Write me in full the exact story of what you want and why you want it. I’ve got a copy of your bill from the Document Room, and so soon as I hear from you, shall urge the business before the proper committee.
When Jim Britt’s reply came to hand, the Statesman from Tupelo—whom nobody could resist—prevailed on the committee to report the bill. Then he got the Speaker, who while iron with others was as wax in the hands of the Statesman from Tupelo, to recognize him to bring up the bill. The House, equally under his spell, gave the Statesman from Tupelo its unanimous consent, and the bill was carried in the blink of a moment to its third reading and put upon its passage. Then the Statesman from Tupelo made a speech; he said it was a confession186.
The Statesman from Tupelo talked for fifteen minutes while the House howled. He told the destruction of Jim Britt. He painted the dinner and pointed to those members of the House who attended; he reminded them of the desolation which their appetites had worked. He said the House was disgraced in the downfall of Jim Britt, and admitted that he and his fellow diners were culpable187 to a last extreme. But there was a way to repair all. The bill must be passed, the stain on the House must be washed away, Jim Britt must stand again on his fiscal188 feet, and then he, the Statesman from Tupelo, and his fellow conspirators189, might once more look mankind in the eye.
There be those who will do for laughter what they would not do for right. The House passed Jim Britt’s bill unanimously.
The Statesman from Tupelo carried it to the Senate. He explained the painful situation and described the remedy. Would the Senate unbend from its stern dignity as the greatest deliberative body of any clime or age, and come to the rescue of the Statesman from Tupelo and the House of Representatives now wallowing in infamy190?
The Senate would; by virtue of a kink in Senate rules which permitted the feat40, the Jim Britt Bill was instantly and unanimously adopted without the intervention191 of a committee, the ordering a reference or a roll-call. The Statesman from Tupelo thanked the Senate and withdrew, pretending emotion.
There was one more journey to make, one more power to consult, and the mighty work would be accomplished192. The President must sign the bill. The Statesman from Tupelo walked in on that tremendous officer of state and told him the tale of injury done Jim Britt. The Statesman from Tupelo, by way of metaphor, called himself and his fellow sinners, cannibals, and showed how they had eaten Jim Britt. Then he reminded the President how he had once before gone to the rescue of cannibals in the case of Queen Lil. Would he now come to the relief of the Statesman from Tupelo and his fellow Anthropophagi of the House?
The President was overcome with the word and the idea; he scribbled193 his name in cramped194 copperplate, and the deed was done. The Jim Britt Bill was a law, and Jim Britt saved from the life-long taunts195 of Samantha, the retentive196. The road from Last Chance to the lead mine was built, and on hearing of its completion the Statesman from Tupelo wrote for an annual pass.
“Then it was luck after all,” said the Red
Nosed Gentleman, “rather than management to save the day for your Jim Britt.”
“Entirely so,” conceded the Jolly Doctor.
“There’s a mighty deal in luck,” observed the Red Nosed Gentleman, sagely197. “Certainly, it’s the major part in gambling198, and I think, too, luck is a decisive element in every victory or defeat a man experiences.”
“And, now,” observed the Sour Gentleman, “now that you mention gambling, suppose you redeem143 your promise and give us the story of ‘How to Tell the Last Four.’ The phrase is dark to me and has no meaning, but I inferred from what you were saying when you used it, that you alluded199 to some game of chance. Assuredly, I crave200 pardon if I be in error,” and now the Sour Gentleman bowed with vast politeness.
“You are not in error,” returned the Red Nosed Gentleman, “and I did refer to gambling. Casino, however, when played by Casino Joe was no game of chance, but of science; his secret, he said in explanation, lay in ‘How to Tell the Last Four.’”
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1 fervid | |
adj.热情的;炽热的 | |
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2 bicker | |
vi.(为小事)吵嘴,争吵 | |
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3 lariat | |
n.系绳,套索;v.用套索套捕 | |
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4 pony | |
adj.小型的;n.小马 | |
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5 conspicuous | |
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6 diffused | |
散布的,普及的,扩散的 | |
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7 lumber | |
n.木材,木料;v.以破旧东西堆满;伐木;笨重移动 | |
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8 leniently | |
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9 fascination | |
n.令人着迷的事物,魅力,迷恋 | |
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10 covetously | |
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11 exigencies | |
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12 proprietor | |
n.所有人;业主;经营者 | |
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13 zinc | |
n.锌;vt.在...上镀锌 | |
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14 mighty | |
adj.强有力的;巨大的 | |
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15 abode | |
n.住处,住所 | |
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16 abhorred | |
v.憎恶( abhor的过去式和过去分词 );(厌恶地)回避;拒绝;淘汰 | |
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17 lurked | |
vi.潜伏,埋伏(lurk的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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18 isolation | |
n.隔离,孤立,分解,分离 | |
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19 gulf | |
n.海湾;深渊,鸿沟;分歧,隔阂 | |
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20 depressed | |
adj.沮丧的,抑郁的,不景气的,萧条的 | |
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21 severely | |
adv.严格地;严厉地;非常恶劣地 | |
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22 mule | |
n.骡子,杂种,执拗的人 | |
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23 lapsing | |
v.退步( lapse的现在分词 );陷入;倒退;丧失 | |
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24 metaphor | |
n.隐喻,暗喻 | |
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25 plumb | |
adv.精确地,完全地;v.了解意义,测水深 | |
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26 simile | |
n.直喻,明喻 | |
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27 abated | |
减少( abate的过去式和过去分词 ); 减去; 降价; 撤消(诉讼) | |
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28 lone | |
adj.孤寂的,单独的;唯一的 | |
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29 determined | |
adj.坚定的;有决心的 | |
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30 mere | |
adj.纯粹的;仅仅,只不过 | |
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31 ferocious | |
adj.凶猛的,残暴的,极度的,十分强烈的 | |
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32 vivacious | |
adj.活泼的,快活的 | |
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33 tribal | |
adj.部族的,种族的 | |
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34 regalement | |
n.盛宴,丰餐 | |
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35 regale | |
v.取悦,款待 | |
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36 wail | |
vt./vi.大声哀号,恸哭;呼啸,尖啸 | |
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37 eminent | |
adj.显赫的,杰出的,有名的,优良的 | |
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38 sifted | |
v.筛( sift的过去式和过去分词 );筛滤;细查;详审 | |
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39 complement | |
n.补足物,船上的定员;补语;vt.补充,补足 | |
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40 feat | |
n.功绩;武艺,技艺;adj.灵巧的,漂亮的,合适的 | |
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41 devoured | |
吞没( devour的过去式和过去分词 ); 耗尽; 津津有味地看; 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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42 sullen | |
adj.愠怒的,闷闷不乐的,(天气等)阴沉的 | |
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43 slain | |
杀死,宰杀,杀戮( slay的过去分词 ); (slay的过去分词) | |
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44 impetus | |
n.推动,促进,刺激;推动力 | |
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45 vengeance | |
n.报复,报仇,复仇 | |
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46 industrious | |
adj.勤劳的,刻苦的,奋发的 | |
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47 fixed | |
adj.固定的,不变的,准备好的;(计算机)固定的 | |
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48 penetrated | |
adj. 击穿的,鞭辟入里的 动词penetrate的过去式和过去分词形式 | |
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49 eastward | |
adv.向东;adj.向东的;n.东方,东部 | |
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50 ward | |
n.守卫,监护,病房,行政区,由监护人或法院保护的人(尤指儿童);vt.守护,躲开 | |
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51 affected | |
adj.不自然的,假装的 | |
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52 minor | |
adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修 | |
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53 rococo | |
n.洛可可;adj.过分修饰的 | |
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54 garb | |
n.服装,装束 | |
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55 lodgings | |
n. 出租的房舍, 寄宿舍 | |
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56 gilded | |
a.镀金的,富有的 | |
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57 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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58 imputation | |
n.归罪,责难 | |
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59 parsimony | |
n.过度节俭,吝啬 | |
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60 pointed | |
adj.尖的,直截了当的 | |
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61 amber | |
n.琥珀;琥珀色;adj.琥珀制的 | |
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62 browsed | |
v.吃草( browse的过去式和过去分词 );随意翻阅;(在商店里)随便看看;(在计算机上)浏览信息 | |
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63 ashore | |
adv.在(向)岸上,上岸 | |
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64 acting | |
n.演戏,行为,假装;adj.代理的,临时的,演出用的 | |
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65 appalled | |
v.使惊骇,使充满恐惧( appall的过去式和过去分词)adj.惊骇的;丧胆的 | |
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66 sate | |
v.使充分满足 | |
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67 citadel | |
n.城堡;堡垒;避难所 | |
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68 albeit | |
conj.即使;纵使;虽然 | |
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69 perusal | |
n.细读,熟读;目测 | |
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70 rein | |
n.疆绳,统治,支配;vt.以僵绳控制,统治 | |
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71 divers | |
adj.不同的;种种的 | |
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72 appropriations | |
n.挪用(appropriation的复数形式) | |
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73 naval | |
adj.海军的,军舰的,船的 | |
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74 banking | |
n.银行业,银行学,金融业 | |
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75 postal | |
adj.邮政的,邮局的 | |
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76 dwindling | |
adj.逐渐减少的v.逐渐变少或变小( dwindle的现在分词 ) | |
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77 ignoble | |
adj.不光彩的,卑鄙的;可耻的 | |
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78 convened | |
召开( convene的过去式 ); 召集; (为正式会议而)聚集; 集合 | |
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79 acoustics | |
n.声学,(复)音响效果,音响装置 | |
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80 alcoholic | |
adj.(含)酒精的,由酒精引起的;n.酗酒者 | |
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81 sergeants | |
警官( sergeant的名词复数 ); (美国警察)警佐; (英国警察)巡佐; 陆军(或空军)中士 | |
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82 sergeant | |
n.警官,中士 | |
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83 entrusted | |
v.委托,托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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84 potent | |
adj.强有力的,有权势的;有效力的 | |
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85 gatherings | |
聚集( gathering的名词复数 ); 收集; 采集; 搜集 | |
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86 situated | |
adj.坐落在...的,处于某种境地的 | |
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87 constituents | |
n.选民( constituent的名词复数 );成分;构成部分;要素 | |
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88 thither | |
adv.向那里;adj.在那边的,对岸的 | |
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89 sundry | |
adj.各式各样的,种种的 | |
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90 virtue | |
n.德行,美德;贞操;优点;功效,效力 | |
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91 radical | |
n.激进份子,原子团,根号;adj.根本的,激进的,彻底的 | |
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92 loomed | |
v.隐约出现,阴森地逼近( loom的过去式和过去分词 );隐约出现,阴森地逼近 | |
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93 recalcitrant | |
adj.倔强的 | |
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94 heed | |
v.注意,留意;n.注意,留心 | |
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95 tart | |
adj.酸的;尖酸的,刻薄的;n.果馅饼;淫妇 | |
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96 conceited | |
adj.自负的,骄傲自满的 | |
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97 kennels | |
n.主人外出时的小动物寄养处,养狗场;狗窝( kennel的名词复数 );养狗场 | |
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98 secluded | |
adj.与世隔绝的;隐退的;偏僻的v.使隔开,使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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99 chagrin | |
n.懊恼;气愤;委屈 | |
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100 woes | |
困境( woe的名词复数 ); 悲伤; 我好苦哇; 某人就要倒霉 | |
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101 monarch | |
n.帝王,君主,最高统治者 | |
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102 autocrat | |
n.独裁者;专横的人 | |
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103 bridle | |
n.笼头,束缚;vt.抑制,约束;动怒 | |
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104 fig | |
n.无花果(树) | |
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105 prerogatives | |
n.权利( prerogative的名词复数 );特权;大主教法庭;总督委任组成的法庭 | |
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106 molest | |
vt.骚扰,干扰,调戏 | |
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107 velvet | |
n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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108 soften | |
v.(使)变柔软;(使)变柔和 | |
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109 romps | |
n.无忧无虑,快活( romp的名词复数 )v.嬉笑玩闹( romp的第三人称单数 );(尤指在赛跑或竞选等中)轻易获胜 | |
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110 veracity | |
n.诚实 | |
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111 imposing | |
adj.使人难忘的,壮丽的,堂皇的,雄伟的 | |
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112 fervent | |
adj.热的,热烈的,热情的 | |
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113 rigid | |
adj.严格的,死板的;刚硬的,僵硬的 | |
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114 daunting | |
adj.使人畏缩的 | |
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115 investigations | |
(正式的)调查( investigation的名词复数 ); 侦查; 科学研究; 学术研究 | |
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116 investigation | |
n.调查,调查研究 | |
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117 conspiracies | |
n.阴谋,密谋( conspiracy的名词复数 ) | |
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118 permeated | |
弥漫( permeate的过去式和过去分词 ); 遍布; 渗入; 渗透 | |
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119 intrigue | |
vt.激起兴趣,迷住;vi.耍阴谋;n.阴谋,密谋 | |
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120 snares | |
n.陷阱( snare的名词复数 );圈套;诱人遭受失败(丢脸、损失等)的东西;诱惑物v.用罗网捕捉,诱陷,陷害( snare的第三人称单数 ) | |
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121 vaults | |
n.拱顶( vault的名词复数 );地下室;撑物跳高;墓穴 | |
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122 dungeons | |
n.地牢( dungeon的名词复数 ) | |
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123 sinister | |
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的 | |
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124 foul | |
adj.污秽的;邪恶的;v.弄脏;妨害;犯规;n.犯规 | |
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125 conceal | |
v.隐藏,隐瞒,隐蔽 | |
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126 perennial | |
adj.终年的;长久的 | |
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127 murky | |
adj.黑暗的,朦胧的;adv.阴暗地,混浊地;n.阴暗;昏暗 | |
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128 recondite | |
adj.深奥的,难解的 | |
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129 shears | |
n.大剪刀 | |
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130 joint | |
adj.联合的,共同的;n.关节,接合处;v.连接,贴合 | |
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131 conspiracy | |
n.阴谋,密谋,共谋 | |
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132 precipice | |
n.悬崖,危急的处境 | |
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133 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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134 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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135 ovation | |
n.欢呼,热烈欢迎,热烈鼓掌 | |
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136 parlors | |
客厅( parlor的名词复数 ); 起居室; (旅馆中的)休息室; (通常用来构成合成词)店 | |
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137 apropos | |
adv.恰好地;adj.恰当的;关于 | |
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138 tempted | |
v.怂恿(某人)干不正当的事;冒…的险(tempt的过去分词) | |
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139 venality | |
n.贪赃枉法,腐败 | |
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140 opposition | |
n.反对,敌对 | |
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141 budged | |
v.(使)稍微移动( budge的过去式和过去分词 );(使)改变主意,(使)让步 | |
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142 redeeming | |
补偿的,弥补的 | |
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143 redeem | |
v.买回,赎回,挽回,恢复,履行(诺言等) | |
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144 falcon | |
n.隼,猎鹰 | |
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145 beheld | |
v.看,注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 );瞧;看呀;(叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现)哎哟 | |
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146 prey | |
n.被掠食者,牺牲者,掠食;v.捕食,掠夺,折磨 | |
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147 specious | |
adj.似是而非的;adv.似是而非地 | |
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148 suavity | |
n.温和;殷勤 | |
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149 blandness | |
n.温柔,爽快 | |
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150 irresistible | |
adj.非常诱人的,无法拒绝的,无法抗拒的 | |
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151 converse | |
vi.谈话,谈天,闲聊;adv.相反的,相反 | |
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152 flustered | |
adj.慌张的;激动不安的v.使慌乱,使不安( fluster的过去式和过去分词) | |
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153 frankly | |
adv.坦白地,直率地;坦率地说 | |
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154 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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155 assented | |
同意,赞成( assent的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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156 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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157 splendors | |
n.华丽( splendor的名词复数 );壮丽;光辉;显赫 | |
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158 subsisted | |
v.(靠很少的钱或食物)维持生活,生存下去( subsist的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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159 ardor | |
n.热情,狂热 | |
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160 steward | |
n.乘务员,服务员;看管人;膳食管理员 | |
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161 moiety | |
n.一半;部分 | |
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162 ingenuity | |
n.别出心裁;善于发明创造 | |
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163 exultant | |
adj.欢腾的,狂欢的,大喜的 | |
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164 terrapin | |
n.泥龟;鳖 | |
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165 admiration | |
n.钦佩,赞美,羡慕 | |
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166 prospect | |
n.前景,前途;景色,视野 | |
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167 privily | |
adv.暗中,秘密地 | |
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168 wondrous | |
adj.令人惊奇的,奇妙的;adv.惊人地;异乎寻常地;令人惊叹地 | |
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169 foliage | |
n.叶子,树叶,簇叶 | |
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170 bowered | |
adj.凉亭的,有树荫的 | |
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171 innocence | |
n.无罪;天真;无害 | |
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172 steering | |
n.操舵装置 | |
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173 withdrawn | |
vt.收回;使退出;vi.撤退,退出 | |
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174 slumbers | |
睡眠,安眠( slumber的名词复数 ) | |
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175 labors | |
v.努力争取(for)( labor的第三人称单数 );苦干;详细分析;(指引擎)缓慢而困难地运转 | |
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176 corks | |
n.脐梅衣;软木( cork的名词复数 );软木塞 | |
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177 serene | |
adj. 安详的,宁静的,平静的 | |
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178 Founder | |
n.创始者,缔造者 | |
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179 eloquence | |
n.雄辩;口才,修辞 | |
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180 tranquilly | |
adv. 宁静地 | |
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181 mundane | |
adj.平凡的;尘世的;宇宙的 | |
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182 laggard | |
n.落后者;adj.缓慢的,落后的 | |
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183 mused | |
v.沉思,冥想( muse的过去式和过去分词 );沉思自语说(某事) | |
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184 avenging | |
adj.报仇的,复仇的v.为…复仇,报…之仇( avenge的现在分词 );为…报复 | |
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185 bankruptcy | |
n.破产;无偿付能力 | |
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186 confession | |
n.自白,供认,承认 | |
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187 culpable | |
adj.有罪的,该受谴责的 | |
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188 fiscal | |
adj.财政的,会计的,国库的,国库岁入的 | |
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189 conspirators | |
n.共谋者,阴谋家( conspirator的名词复数 ) | |
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190 infamy | |
n.声名狼藉,出丑,恶行 | |
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191 intervention | |
n.介入,干涉,干预 | |
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192 accomplished | |
adj.有才艺的;有造诣的;达到了的 | |
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193 scribbled | |
v.潦草的书写( scribble的过去式和过去分词 );乱画;草草地写;匆匆记下 | |
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194 cramped | |
a.狭窄的 | |
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195 taunts | |
嘲弄的言语,嘲笑,奚落( taunt的名词复数 ) | |
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196 retentive | |
v.保留的,有记忆的;adv.有记性地,记性强地;n.保持力 | |
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197 sagely | |
adv. 贤能地,贤明地 | |
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198 gambling | |
n.赌博;投机 | |
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199 alluded | |
提及,暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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200 crave | |
vt.渴望得到,迫切需要,恳求,请求 | |
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