After his false awakening1 by Vashti, the world which Teddy annexed3 for himself was composed of sky and pigeons. Often as he watched his birds rise into the air, he would make his mind the companion of their flight. It seemed to him that his body was left behind and that the earth lay far below him, an unfolding carpet of dwarfed4 trees and houses as small as pebbles5. By day his thoughts were of wings. By night, gazing from his bedroom window when the coast-line of the clouds had grown blurred6, he would watch the Invincible7 Armada of the stars, plunging8 onward9 and ever onward through the heavens. The little he had learnt of life had pained him; so he took Mr. Sheerug’s advice and remade the world with a hobby. When the stars winked10, he believed they were telling him that they knew that one day he would be great.
His pigeons and the wide clean thoughts they gave him, kept his mind from morbid11 physical inquiries12. The school he attended in Eden Row was conducted by an old Quaker, a man whose gentle religion shamed the boys of shameful13 conversations.
The inklings of life which he had gained through Vashti, made him re-act against further knowledge. Love in her case had begun with beauty, but it had ended with the wretched face of a woman and a policeman’s bull’s-eye staring down on it. Perhaps love always ended that way, causing pain to others and ugliness. He shrank from it. Like a tortoise when its head has been touched, he withdrew into his shell and stayed there. He was content to be young and to remain incurious as to the meaning of his growing manhood. The days slipped by while he lived his realities in books and pigeons, and in his father’s paintings. Not until he was fifteen did he again awaken2, when the door unexpectedly opened, leading into a new experience.
It was an afternoon in July, the last day of the summer term. The school had broken up. The playground was growing empty. With the last of the boys he came out of the gate and stood saying “Good-by.” They had told him where they were going—all their plans for the green and leafy future. They were going to farmhouses14 in the country and to cottages by the sea. Some of them were not returning to school; they were going to the city to become men and to earn money. He watched them saunter away down Eden Row, joking and aiming blows at one another with their satchels16.
From across the river, softened17 by distance, came laughter and the pitter-pat of tennis. In the golden spaces between trees of the park, girls advanced and retreated, volleying with their racquets. Their hair rose and fell upon their shoulders as they twisted and darted18. They were as unintelligible19 to Teddy as if they had spoken a different language.
What was it that he wanted? It was something for which he never found a name—something which continually eluded20 his grasp. He was haunted by desire for an intenser beauty. All kinds of things, totally unrelated, would stab him into yearning21: sometimes a passage in a book; sometimes the freedom of a bird in flight; and now the music of girlish laughter. He was burdened with the sense that life would not wait for him—would not last; that it was escaping like water through his fingers. He wanted to live it fully22. He wanted to be wise, and happy, and splendid. And yet he was afraid—afraid of disillusion23. He feared that if he saw anything too closely, it would lose its fascination24. Those girls, if he were to be with them, he could not laugh as they laughed; he would have nothing to say. And yet, he knew of boys——
Hitching25 the strap26 of his satchel15 higher, he smiled. These thoughts were foolish; they had come to him because he had been saying good-by. They always came when he felt the hand of Change upon his shoulder.
Before his home a cab was standing27. On entering the hall he heard the murmurous28 sound of voices. A door opened. His mother slipped out to him with the air of mystery that betokened29 visitors.
“How late you are, darling! Run and get tidy. Some one’s been waiting for you for hours.”
As he made a hasty schoolboy toilet he wondered who it could be. His mother had seemed flustered30 and excited. No one ever came to see him; to him nothing ever happened. Other boys went away for summer holidays; he knew of one who had been to France. But to stir out of Eden Row was expensive; all his journeys had to be of the imagination. When one had a genius for a father, even though he was unacknowledged, one ought to be proud of poverty. To be allowed to sacrifice for such a father was a privilege. That was what Dearie was always telling him.
The room in which the visitor was waiting was at the back of the house. It had folding windows, which were open, and steps leading down into the garden. Evening fragrances31 drifted in from flowers. In the waning32 sunlight the garden became twice peopled—by its old inhabitants and by their shadows. On the lawn a sprinkler was revolving33, throwing up a mist which sank upon the turf with the rustle34 of falling rain.
A man rose from the couch as he entered—a fair, thin man with blue impatient eyes and a worn, wistful expression. He looked as though he had been always trying to clasp something and was going through life with his arms forever empty. He placed his hands on the boy’s shoulders, gazing at him intently.
“Taller, but not much older. In all the time I’ve been away you’ve scarcely altered. Do you know me?”
“Why, of course. It’s Mr. Hal.”
“No, just Hal. You didn’t used to call me ‘Mister.’ You can’t guess why I’ve come. I’ve told your mother, and she’s consented, if you are willing. I want your help.” Teddy glanced at his mother. Her eyes were shining; she had been almost crying. What could Hal have said to make her unhappy? How could he, a boy, help a man? In the silence he heard the sprinkler in the garden mimicking35 the sound of rain.
Hal’s voice grew low and embarrassed. “I want your help about a little girl. She’s lonely. I call her little, but in many ways she’s older than you are. She’s living in a house in the country, and she wants some one to play with. I’ve been so long out of England that I’d forgotten how tall you’d been getting. But, perhaps, you won’t mind, even though she’s a girl. It’s a pretty place, this house in the country, with cows and wild flowers and a river. You’d enjoy it, and—and you’d be helping36 me and her.”
“Sounds jolly,” said Teddy; “I’d like to go most awfully37, only—only what makes you and mother so sad?”
Hal tried to appear more cheerful. “I’m not sad. I was worried. Thought you wouldn’t come when you heard it was to play with a girl.”
“He’s not sad,” said Dearie; “it’s only that, if you go, we mustn’t tell anybody—not even Mrs. Sheerug; at least, not yet.”
Teddy chuckled38. At last something was going to happen. “That’ll be fun. But how glad Mrs. Sheerug must be to have you back.”
Hal rose to his feet. “She isn’t That’s another of the things she doesn’t know yet. I must be going. Your mother says she can have you ready to-morrow, so I’ll call for you.”
Teddy noticed how he dashed across the pavement to his cab. He felt certain that his reason was not lack of time, but fear lest he might be observed. He questioned his mother. She screwed her lips together: “Dear old boy, I’m not allowed to tell.”
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1
awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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3
annexed
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| [法] 附加的，附属的 | |
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4
dwarfed
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| vt.（使）显得矮小（dwarf的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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5
pebbles
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| [复数]鹅卵石； 沙砾； 卵石，小圆石( pebble的名词复数 ) | |
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6
blurred
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| v.（使）变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）难以区分；模模糊糊；迷离 | |
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7
invincible
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| adj.不可征服的，难以制服的 | |
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8
plunging
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| adj.跳进的，突进的v.颠簸( plunge的现在分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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9
onward
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| adj.向前的，前进的；adv.向前，前进，在先 | |
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10
winked
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| v.使眼色( wink的过去式和过去分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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11
morbid
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| adj.病的；致病的；病态的；可怕的 | |
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12
inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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13
shameful
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| adj.可耻的，不道德的 | |
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14
farmhouses
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| n.农舍，农场的主要住房( farmhouse的名词复数 ) | |
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15
satchel
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| n.(皮或帆布的)书包 | |
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satchels
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| n.书包( satchel的名词复数 ) | |
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17
softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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18
darted
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| v.投掷，投射( dart的过去式和过去分词 )；向前冲，飞奔 | |
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19
unintelligible
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| adj.无法了解的，难解的，莫明其妙的 | |
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20
eluded
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| v.（尤指机敏地）避开( elude的过去式和过去分词 )；逃避；躲避；使达不到 | |
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21
yearning
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| a.渴望的；向往的；怀念的 | |
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22
fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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23
disillusion
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| vt.使不再抱幻想，使理想破灭 | |
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24
fascination
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| n.令人着迷的事物，魅力，迷恋 | |
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25
hitching
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| 搭乘； （免费）搭乘他人之车( hitch的现在分词 )； 搭便车； 攀上； 跃上 | |
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26
strap
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| n.皮带，带子；v.用带扣住，束牢；用绷带包扎 | |
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27
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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28
murmurous
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| adj.低声的 | |
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29
betokened
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| v.预示，表示( betoken的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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30
flustered
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| adj.慌张的；激动不安的v.使慌乱，使不安( fluster的过去式和过去分词) | |
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31
fragrances
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| n.芳香，香味( fragrance的名词复数 )；香水 | |
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32
waning
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| adj.（月亮）渐亏的，逐渐减弱或变小的n.月亏v.衰落( wane的现在分词 )；（月）亏；变小；变暗淡 | |
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33
revolving
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| adj.旋转的，轮转式的；循环的v.（使）旋转( revolve的现在分词 )；细想 | |
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34
rustle
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| v.沙沙作响；偷盗(牛、马等)；n.沙沙声声 | |
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35
mimicking
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| v.（尤指为了逗乐而）模仿( mimic的现在分词 )；酷似 | |
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36
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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37
awfully
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| adv.可怕地，非常地，极端地 | |
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38
chuckled
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| 轻声地笑( chuckle的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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