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CHAPTER II THE GOD FROM THE MACHINE
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    "The Laurels1, 11 p.m.

    "I have been going to write for the last few days, but have been so busy. I could go on the picnic to-day if it would suit you[Pg 114] I'll call at the studio at one o'clock. If you can't come, send me a wire. Oh, I forgot to say Mr Hancock came home the other day with me and had a long talk with father, and Mr Bevan called to-day and was awfully2 jolly, and I'll tell you all about it when we meet. Give my love to Mr Verneede.

    "In haste to catch the post.

    "P.S.—I'm in such good spirits. F. L."

It was the morning after the day on which Mr Bevan had called at "The Laurels." Leavesley was in bed, and reading the above, which had come by the early post, and which Belinda had thrust under his door, together with a circular and a bill for colours.

"Hurrah3!" cried Mr Leavesley, and then "Great Heavens!" He jumped out of bed, and rummaged4 wildly in his pockets. He found seven and sixpence in silver, and a penny and a halfpenny in coppers5, a stump6 of pencil, a tramway ticket with a hole punched in it, and a Woodbine cigarette packet containing one cigarette. He placed the money on the wash-hand-stand, then he sat for a moment on the side of his bed disconsolate7.

The most beautiful day that ever dawned, the most beautiful girl in the world, a chance[Pg 115] of taking her up the river, and seven and six to do it on!

He curled his toes about. Yesterday, in a fit of righteousness, he had paid a tailor two pounds ten on account. He contemplated8 this great mistake gloomily. Wild ideas of calling on Mark Moses & Sonenshine and asking for the two pounds ten back crossed his mind, to be instantly dispelled9.

The only two men in London who could possibly help him with a loan were, to use a Boyle-Rochism, in Paris. Mrs Tugwell, his landlady10, was at Margate, and he was in the middle of his tri-monthly squabble with his uncle. He called up the ghost of his aunt Patience Hancock, and communed with her just for the sake of self-torture, and the contemplation of the hopeless.

Then he rang his bell, which Belinda answered.

"Breakfast at once, Belinda."

"Yessir, and here's another letter as hes just come," she poked11 a square envelope under the door. Leavesley seized it with a palpitating heart; it was unstamped, and had evidently been left in by hand.

"This is the God from the Machine," he[Pg 116] thought. "There's money in it, I know. It always happens like this when things are at their worst."

We all have these instincts at times: the contents of an unopened letter or parcel seem endowed with a voice; who has not guessed the fateful news in a telegram before he has broken open the envelope, even as Leavesley guessed the contents of the letter in his hand?

He tore it open and took out a sheet of paper and a pawnbroker's duplicate. The letter ran:—

    "NO. 150A KING'S ROAD,

    "OVER THE BACON SHOP.

    "Dear Leavesley,—I am in bed, not suffering from smallpox12, croup, spinal13 meningitis, or any wasting or infectious disease. I am in bed, my dear Leavesley, simply for want of my trousers. Robed in Jones' long ulster, which reacheth to my heels, I took the aforesaid garments yester-even after dusk to my uncle. If help does not come they will have to take me to the workhouse in a blanket. I enclose duplicate. Three and sevenpence would release me and them.
    "'The die is cast
    And this is the last.'

    "From

    The Captain.

    'P.S.—If you have no money send me the 'Count of Monte Cristo'—you have a copy;[Pg 117] or the 'Multi-Millionaire.' I have nothing to read but a Financial News of the day before yesterday."

Leavesley groaned14 and laughed, and groaned again. Then he got into his bath and splashed; as he splashed his spirits rose amazingly.

The Captain's letter had electrified15 the Bohemian part of his nature; instead of depressing him it had done the reverse. Here was another poor devil worse off than himself. Leavesley had six pair of trousers.

The Captain, in parenthesis16 let me say, has no part in this story. He wasn't a captain, he was a relic17 of the South African War, a gentleman with a taste for drink, amusing, harmless, and amiable18. I only introduce him on account of the telepathic interest of his letter, or rather of the way in which Leavesley divined its contents.

"Seven and sixpence—I mean seven and sevenpence halfpenny, is not a bit of use," said the painter to himself when he had finished breakfast, "so here goes."

He put three and sevenpence in an envelope with the pathetic duplicate, addressed it to Captain Waring, rang for Belinda; and when that much-harried maid-of-all-work appeared,[Pg 118] told her to take it as soon as she could to Captain Waring, down the road over the bacon shop, also to call at Mr Verneede's and ask him to come round at twelve.

Then he reached down a finished picture, wrapped it in brown paper, put the parcel under his arm and started off.

He took a complication of omnibuses, and arrived in Wardour Street about half-past nine.

"Mr Fernandez is gone to the country on pizzines," said the Jew-boy slave of the picture dealer19, who came from the interior of the gloomy shop like a dirty gnome20, called forth21 by the ring of the door bell.

"Oh, d——n!" said Leavesley.

"He's gone on pizzines," replied the other.

"Where's he gone to?"

"Down in the country."

"Look here, I want to sell a picture."

"Mr Fernandez is gone on pizzines."

"Oh, dash Mr Fernandez! Is there no one here I can show the thing to? He knows me."

"There's only me," said the grimy sphinx.

"Can you buy it?"

"No, I ain't no use for buying. Mr Fernandez is gone on——"

[Pg 119]

"Oh, go to the devil!"

"This is a nice sort of thing," said Leavesley to himself as he stood in Wardour Street perspiring22. "There's nothing for it now but a frontal attack on uncle."

He made for Southampton Row, reaching the office at ten o'clock, about five minutes after James Hancock.

Hancock was dealing23 with his morning correspondence. A most unbendable old gentleman he looked as he sat at his table before a pile of letters, backed by the numerous tin boxes Leavesley knew so well. Boxes marked "The Gleeson Estate," "Sir H. Tempest, Bart," etc. Boxes that spoke24 of wealth and business in mocking tones to the unfortunate artist, who felt very much as the grasshopper25 must have felt in the presence of the industrious26 ant. Despite this he noticed that his uncle was more sprucely dressed than usual, and that he had on a lilac satin tie.

Hancock looked at his nephew over his spectacles, then through his spectacles, then he pushed his spectacles up on his forehead.

"Good morning, uncle."

"Good morning."

[Pg 120]

"I just looked in," said Leavesley, in a light-hearted way, "as I was going by, to see how you were."

This was a very bad opening.

"Sit down," said Hancock. "Um—I wasn't aware that there was anything the matter with me."

"You were complaining of the gout last time."

"Oh, bother the gout!" said the old gentleman, who hated to be reminded of his infirmity. "It isn't gout—Garrod says it's Rheumatoid Arthritis27."

Leavesley repented28 of having played the gout gambit.

"—Rheumatoid Arthritis. Well, what are you doing?"

"Oh, I'm painting."

"Are you selling?" said Hancock, "that's more to the point."

"Oh yes, I'm selling—mildly."

"Um!"

"I sold two pictures quite recently."

"I always told you," said the lawyer, ignoring the last statement in a most irritating way, and speaking as if Leavesley were made of glass and all his affairs were arranged inside[Pg 121] him for view like damaged goods in a shop window—"I always told you painting doesn't pay. If you had come into the office you might have got on well; but there you are, you've made your bed, and on it you must lie," then in a voice three shades gloomier, "on it you must lie."

Leavesley glanced at the office clock, it pointed29 to quarter past ten, and Fanny was due at one.

"I had a little business to talk to you about," he said. "Look here, will you give me a commission?"

"A what?"

"A commission for a picture."

"And five pounds on account," was in his brain, but it did not pass his tongue.

"A picture?" said Hancock. "What on earth do I want with pictures?"

"Let me paint your portrait."

Hancock made a movement with his hand as if to say "Pish!"

"Well, look here," said Leavesley, with the cynicism of despair, "let me paint Bridgewater, let me paint the office, whitewash30 the ceilings, only give me a show."

"I would not mind the money I have spent on you," said Hancock, ignoring all this, "the[Pg 122] bills I have paid, if, to use your own expression, there was any show for it; but, as far as I can see, you are like a man in a quagmire31, the only advance you are making, the only advance visible to mortal eye, is that you are getting deeper into debt;" then two tones lower, "deeper into debt."

"Well, see here, lend me a fiver," cried Leavesley, now grown desperate and impudent32.

James Hancock put his fingers into the upper pocket of his waistcoat, and Leavesley's heart made a spring for his throat.

But Mr Hancock did not produce a five-pound note. He produced a small piece of chamois leather with which he polished his glasses, which he had taken off, in a reflective manner.

"I'm awfully hard up for the moment, and I have pressing need of it. I don't want you to give me the money, I'll pay it back."

Mr Hancock put on his glasses again.

"You come to me as one would come to a milch cow, as one would come to a bank in which he had a large deposit."

He put his hand in his breast-pocket and took out a note-case that seemed simply bursting with bank-notes.

[Pg 123]

"Now if I accommodate you with a five-pound note I must know, at least, what the pressing need is you speak of."

"I want to take a girl up the river, for one thing," answered his nephew, who could no more tell him a lie about the matter, than he could steal a note from that plethoric33 note-case.

James Hancock replaced the case in his pocket and made a motion with his hands as if to say "that ends everything."

Leavesley rose to go.

"I'd have paid you it back. No matter. I'm going to write a book, and make money out of it. I'll call it the 'Art of Being an Uncle.'"

Hancock made a motion with his hands that said, "Go away, I want to read my letters."

"Now, look here," said Leavesley, with his hand on the door handle, and inspired with another accession of impudence34, "if you'd take ten pounds and put it in your pocket, and come with me and her, and have a jolly good day on the river, wouldn't it be better than sitting in this stuffy35 old office making money that is no use to any one—you can only live once."

[Pg 124]

"Go away!" said his uncle.

"I'm going. Tell me, if I went round to aunt would she accommodate me, do you think?"

"Accommodate you to make a fool of yourself with a girl? I hope not, I sincerely hope not."

"Well, I'll try. Good day."

"Good day."

Leavesley went out, and shut the door. Then he suddenly turned, opened the door and looked in.

"I say, uncle!"

"Well?" replied the unfortunate Mr Hancock, in a testy36 voice.

"Did you never make a fool of yourself with a girl?"

The old gentleman grew suddenly so crimson37 that his nephew shut the door and bolted. He little guessed how àpropos that question was.

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 laurels 0pSzBr     
n.桂冠,荣誉
参考例句:
  • The path was lined with laurels.小路两旁都种有月桂树。
  • He reaped the laurels in the finals.他在决赛中荣膺冠军。
2 awfully MPkym     
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地
参考例句:
  • Agriculture was awfully neglected in the past.过去农业遭到严重忽视。
  • I've been feeling awfully bad about it.对这我一直感到很难受。
3 hurrah Zcszx     
int.好哇,万岁,乌拉
参考例句:
  • We hurrah when we see the soldiers go by.我们看到士兵经过时向他们欢呼。
  • The assistants raised a formidable hurrah.助手们发出了一片震天的欢呼声。
4 rummaged c663802f2e8e229431fff6cdb444b548     
翻找,搜寻( rummage的过去式和过去分词 ); 已经海关检查
参考例句:
  • I rummaged through all the boxes but still could not find it. 几个箱子都翻腾遍了也没有找到。
  • The customs officers rummaged the ship suspected to have contraband goods. 海关人员仔细搜查了一艘有走私嫌疑的海轮。
5 coppers 3646702fee6ab6f4a49ba7aa30fb82d1     
铜( copper的名词复数 ); 铜币
参考例句:
  • I only paid a few coppers for it. 我只花了几个铜板买下这东西。
  • He had only a few coppers in his pocket. 他兜里仅有几个铜板。
6 stump hGbzY     
n.残株,烟蒂,讲演台;v.砍断,蹒跚而走
参考例句:
  • He went on the stump in his home state.他到故乡所在的州去发表演说。
  • He used the stump as a table.他把树桩用作桌子。
7 disconsolate OuOxR     
adj.忧郁的,不快的
参考例句:
  • He looked so disconsolate that It'scared her.他看上去情绪很坏,吓了她一跳。
  • At the dress rehearsal she was disconsolate.彩排时她闷闷不乐。
8 contemplated d22c67116b8d5696b30f6705862b0688     
adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式
参考例句:
  • The doctor contemplated the difficult operation he had to perform. 医生仔细地考虑他所要做的棘手的手术。
  • The government has contemplated reforming the entire tax system. 政府打算改革整个税收体制。
9 dispelled 7e96c70e1d822dbda8e7a89ae71a8e9a     
v.驱散,赶跑( dispel的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • His speech dispelled any fears about his health. 他的发言消除了人们对他身体健康的担心。
  • The sun soon dispelled the thick fog. 太阳很快驱散了浓雾。 来自《简明英汉词典》
10 landlady t2ZxE     
n.女房东,女地主
参考例句:
  • I heard my landlady creeping stealthily up to my door.我听到我的女房东偷偷地来到我的门前。
  • The landlady came over to serve me.女店主过来接待我。
11 poked 87f534f05a838d18eb50660766da4122     
v.伸出( poke的过去式和过去分词 );戳出;拨弄;与(某人)性交
参考例句:
  • She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. 她用胳膊肘顶他的肋部。
  • His elbow poked out through his torn shirt sleeve. 他的胳膊从衬衫的破袖子中露了出来。 来自《简明英汉词典》
12 smallpox 9iNzJw     
n.天花
参考例句:
  • In 1742 he suffered a fatal attack of smallpox.1742年,他染上了致命的天花。
  • Were you vaccinated against smallpox as a child?你小时候打过天花疫苗吗?
13 spinal KFczS     
adj.针的,尖刺的,尖刺状突起的;adj.脊骨的,脊髓的
参考例句:
  • After three days in Japan,the spinal column becomes extraordinarily flexible.在日本三天,就已经使脊椎骨变得富有弹性了。
  • Your spinal column is made up of 24 movable vertebrae.你的脊柱由24个活动的脊椎骨构成。
14 groaned 1a076da0ddbd778a674301b2b29dff71     
v.呻吟( groan的过去式和过去分词 );发牢骚;抱怨;受苦
参考例句:
  • He groaned in anguish. 他痛苦地呻吟。
  • The cart groaned under the weight of the piano. 大车在钢琴的重压下嘎吱作响。 来自《简明英汉词典》
15 electrified 00d93691727e26ff4104e0c16b9bb258     
v.使电气化( electrify的过去式和过去分词 );使兴奋
参考例句:
  • The railway line was electrified in the 1950s. 这条铁路线在20世纪50年代就实现了电气化。
  • The national railway system has nearly all been electrified. 全国的铁路系统几乎全部实现了电气化。 来自《简明英汉词典》
16 parenthesis T4MzP     
n.圆括号,插入语,插曲,间歇,停歇
参考例句:
  • There is no space between the function name and the parenthesis.函数名与括号之间没有空格。
  • In this expression,we do not need a multiplication sign or parenthesis.这个表达式中,我们不需要乘号或括号。
17 relic 4V2xd     
n.神圣的遗物,遗迹,纪念物
参考例句:
  • This stone axe is a relic of ancient times.这石斧是古代的遗物。
  • He found himself thinking of the man as a relic from the past.他把这个男人看成是过去时代的人物。
18 amiable hxAzZ     
adj.和蔼可亲的,友善的,亲切的
参考例句:
  • She was a very kind and amiable old woman.她是个善良和气的老太太。
  • We have a very amiable companionship.我们之间存在一种友好的关系。
19 dealer GyNxT     
n.商人,贩子
参考例句:
  • The dealer spent hours bargaining for the painting.那个商人为购买那幅画花了几个小时讨价还价。
  • The dealer reduced the price for cash down.这家商店对付现金的人减价优惠。
20 gnome gnome     
n.土地神;侏儒,地精
参考例句:
  • The Swedes do not have Santa Claus.What they have is Christmas Gnome.瑞典人的圣诞节里没有圣诞老人,但他们却有一个圣诞守护神。
  • Susan bought a garden gnome to decorate her garden.苏珊买了一个土地神像来装饰她的花园。
21 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
22 perspiring 0818633761fb971685d884c4c363dad6     
v.出汗,流汗( perspire的现在分词 )
参考例句:
  • He had been working hard and was perspiring profusely. 他一直在努力干活,身上大汗淋漓的。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • So they "went it lively," panting and perspiring with the work. 于是他们就“痛痛快快地比一比”了,结果比得两个人气喘吁吁、汗流浃背。 来自英汉文学 - 汤姆历险
23 dealing NvjzWP     
n.经商方法,待人态度
参考例句:
  • This store has an excellent reputation for fair dealing.该商店因买卖公道而享有极高的声誉。
  • His fair dealing earned our confidence.他的诚实的行为获得我们的信任。
24 spoke XryyC     
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说
参考例句:
  • They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
  • The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。
25 grasshopper ufqxG     
n.蚱蜢,蝗虫,蚂蚱
参考例句:
  • He thought he had made an end of the little grasshopper.他以为把那个小蚱蜢干掉了。
  • The grasshopper could not find anything to eat.蚱蜢找不到任何吃的东西。
26 industrious a7Axr     
adj.勤劳的,刻苦的,奋发的
参考例句:
  • If the tiller is industrious,the farmland is productive.人勤地不懒。
  • She was an industrious and willing worker.她是个勤劳肯干的员工。
27 arthritis XeyyE     
n.关节炎
参考例句:
  • Rheumatoid arthritis has also been linked with the virus.风湿性关节炎也与这种病毒有关。
  • He spent three months in the hospital with acute rheumatic arthritis.他患急性风湿性关节炎,在医院住了三个月。
28 repented c24481167c6695923be1511247ed3c08     
对(自己的所为)感到懊悔或忏悔( repent的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He repented his thoughtlessness. 他后悔自己的轻率。
  • Darren repented having shot the bird. 达伦后悔射杀了那只鸟。
29 pointed Il8zB4     
adj.尖的,直截了当的
参考例句:
  • He gave me a very sharp pointed pencil.他给我一支削得非常尖的铅笔。
  • She wished to show Mrs.John Dashwood by this pointed invitation to her brother.她想通过对达茨伍德夫人提出直截了当的邀请向她的哥哥表示出来。
30 whitewash 3gYwJ     
v.粉刷,掩饰;n.石灰水,粉刷,掩饰
参考例句:
  • They tried hard to whitewash themselves.他们力图粉饰自己。
  • What he said was a load of whitewash.他所说的是一大堆粉饰之词。
31 quagmire StDy3     
n.沼地
参考例句:
  • On their way was a quagmire which was difficult to get over.路上他俩遇到了—个泥坑,很难过得去。
  • Rain had turned the grass into a quagmire.大雨使草地变得一片泥泞。
32 impudent X4Eyf     
adj.鲁莽的,卑鄙的,厚颜无耻的
参考例句:
  • She's tolerant toward those impudent colleagues.她对那些无礼的同事采取容忍的态度。
  • The teacher threatened to kick the impudent pupil out of the room.老师威胁着要把这无礼的小学生撵出教室。
33 plethoric 61d437d72204ae5d365181357277ad5b     
adj.过多的,多血症的
参考例句:
34 impudence K9Mxe     
n.厚颜无耻;冒失;无礼
参考例句:
  • His impudence provoked her into slapping his face.他的粗暴让她气愤地给了他一耳光。
  • What knocks me is his impudence.他的厚颜无耻使我感到吃惊。
35 stuffy BtZw0     
adj.不透气的,闷热的
参考例句:
  • It's really hot and stuffy in here.这里实在太热太闷了。
  • It was so stuffy in the tent that we could sense the air was heavy with moisture.帐篷里很闷热,我们感到空气都是潮的。
36 testy GIQzC     
adj.易怒的;暴躁的
参考例句:
  • Ben's getting a little testy in his old age.上了年纪后本变得有点性急了。
  • A doctor was called in to see a rather testy aristocrat.一个性格相当暴躁的贵族召来了一位医生为他检查。
37 crimson AYwzH     
n./adj.深(绯)红色(的);vi.脸变绯红色
参考例句:
  • She went crimson with embarrassment.她羞得满脸通红。
  • Maple leaves have turned crimson.枫叶已经红了。


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