Master Percy Edgar Smith James. Mrs. James (of Sutton) visits usagain and introduces "Spiritual Seances."May 26, Sunday. - We went to Sutton after dinner to have meat-teawith Mr. and Mrs. James. I had no appetite, having dined well at two,and the entire evening was spoiled by little Percy - their only son - whoseems to me to be an utterly1 spoiled child.
Two or three times he came up to me and deliberately2 kicked my shins.
He hurt me once so much that the tears came into my eyes. I gentlyremonstrated with him, and Mrs. James said: "Please don't scold him; Ido not believe in being too severe with young children. You spoil theircharacter."Little Percy set up a deafening3 yell here, and when Carrie tried topacify him, he slapped her face.
I was so annoyed, I said: "That is not my idea of bringing upchildren, Mrs. James."Mrs. James said. "People have different ideas of bringing up children- even your son Lupin is not the standard of perfection."A Mr. Mezzini (an Italian, I fancy) here took Percy in his lap. Thechild wriggled4 and kicked and broke away from Mr. Mezzini, saying: "Idon't like you - you've got a dirty face."A very nice gentleman, Mr. Birks Spooner, took the child by the wristand said: "Come here, dear, and listen to this."He detached his chronometer5 from the chain and made his watch strikesix.
To our horror, the child snatched it from his hand and bounced it downupon the ground like one would a ball.
Mr. Birks Spooner was most amiable6, and said he could easily get anew glass put in, and did not suppose the works were damaged.
To show you how people's opinions differ, Carrie said the child wasbad-tempered, but it made up for that defect by its looks, for it was - in her mind - an unquestionably beautiful child.
I may be wrong, but I do not think I have seen a much uglier childmyself. That is MY opinion.
May 30. -I don't know why it is, but I never anticipate with anypleasure the visits to our house of Mrs. James, of Sutton. She is comingagain to stay for a few days. I said to Carrie this morning, as I wasleaving: "I wish, dear Carrie, I could like Mrs. James better than I do."Carrie said: "So do I, dear; but as for years I have had to put up withMr. Gowing, who is vulgar, and Mr. Cummings, who is kind but mostuninteresting, I am sure, dear, you won't mind the occasional visits of Mrs.
James, who has more intellect in her little finger than both your friendshave in their entire bodies."I was so entirely7 taken back by this onslaught on my two dear oldfriends, I could say nothing, and as I heard the 'bus coming, I left with ahurried kiss - a little too hurried, perhaps, for my upper lip came in contactwith Carrie's teeth and slightly cut it. It was quite painful for an hourafterwards. When I came home in the evening I found Carrie buried in abook on Spiritualism, called THERE IS NO BIRTH, by FlorenceSingleyet. I need scarcely say the book was sent her to read by Mrs.
James, of Sutton. As she had not a word to say outside her book, I spentthe rest of the evening altering the stair-carpets, which are beginning toshow signs of wear at the edges.
Mrs. James arrived and, as usual, in the evening took the entiremanagement of everything. Finding that she and Carrie were makingsome preparations for table-turning, I thought it time really to put my footdown. I have always had the greatest contempt for such nonsense, andput an end to it years ago when Carrie, at our old house, used to haveseances every night with poor Mrs. Fussters (who is now dead). If Icould see any use in it, I would not care. As I stopped it in the days goneby, I determined8 to do so now.
I said: "I am very sorry Mrs. James, but I totally disapprove9 of it,apart from the fact that I receive my old friends on this evening."Mrs. James said: "Do you mean to say you haven't read THERE ISNO BIRTH?" I said: "No, and I have no intention of doing so." Mrs.
James seemed surprised and said: "All the world is going mad over thebook." I responded rather cleverly: "Let it. There will be one saneman in it, at all events."Mrs. James said she thought it was very unkind, and if people were allas prejudiced as I was, there would never have been the electric telegraphor the telephone.
I said that was quite a different thing.
Mrs. James said sharply: "In what way, pray - in what way?"I said: "In many ways."Mrs. James said: "Well, mention ONE way."I replied quietly: "Pardon me, Mrs. James; I decline to discuss thematter. I am not interested in it."Sarah at this moment opened the door and showed in Cummings, forwhich I was thankful, for I felt it would put a stop to this foolish table-turning. But I was entirely mistaken; for, on the subject being openedagain, Cummings said he was most interested in Spiritualism, although hewas bound to confess he did not believe much in it; still, he was willing tobe convinced.
I firmly declined to take any part in it, with the result that my presencewas ignored. I left the three sitting in the parlour at a small round tablewhich they had taken out of the drawing-room. I walked into the hallwith the ultimate intention of taking a little stroll. As I opened the door,who should come in but Gowing!
On hearing what was going on, he proposed that we should join thecircle and he would go into a trance. He added that he KNEW a fewthings about old Cummings, and would INVENT a few about Mrs. James.
Knowing how dangerous Gowing is, I declined to let him take part in anysuch foolish performance. Sarah asked me if she could go out for half anhour, and I gave her permission, thinking it would be more comfortable tosit with Gowing in the kitchen than in the cold drawing-room. We talkeda good deal about Lupin and Mr. and Mrs. Murray Posh, with whom he isas usual spending the evening. Gowing said: "I say, it wouldn't be abad thing for Lupin if old Posh kicked the bucket."My heart gave a leap of horror, and I rebuked10 Gowing very sternly for joking on such a subject. I lay awake half the night thinking of it -theother hall was spent in nightmares on the same subject.
May 31. - I wrote a stern letter to the laundress. I was rather pleasedwith the letter, for I thought it very satirical. I said: "You have returnedthe handkerchiefs without the colour. Perhaps you will return either thecolour or the value of the handkerchiefs." I shall be rather curious toknow what she will have to say. More table-turning in the evening.
Carrie said last night was in a measure successful, and they ought to sitagain. Cummings came in, and seemed interested. I had the gas lightedin the drawing-room, got the steps, and repaired the cornice, which hasbeen a bit of an eyesore to me. In a fit of unthinkingness - if I may usesuch an expression, - I gave the floor over the parlour, where the seancewas taking place, two loud raps with the hammer. I felt sorry afterwards,for it was the sort of ridiculous, foolhardy thing that Gowing or Lupinwould have done.
However, they never even referred to it, but Carrie declared that amessage came through the table to her of a wonderful description,concerning someone whom she and I knew years ago, and who was quiteunknown to the others.
When we went to bed, Carrie asked me as a favour to sit to-morrownight, to oblige her. She said it seemed rather unkind and unsociable onmy part. I promised I would sit once.
June 1. - I sat reluctantly at the table in the evening, and I am bound toadmit some curious things happened. I contend they were coincidences,but they were curious. For instance, the table kept tilting11 towards me,which Carrie construed12 as a desire that I should ask the spirit a question.
I obeyed the rules, and I asked the spirit (who said her name was Lina) ifshe could tell me the name of an old aunt of whom I was thinking, andwhom we used to call Aunt Maggie. The table spelled out C A T. Wecould make nothing out of it, till I suddenly remembered that her secondname was Catherine, which it was evidently trying to spell. I don't thinkeven Carrie knew this. But if she did, she would never cheat. I mustadmit it was curious. Several other things happened, and I consented tosit at another seance on Monday.
June 3. - The laundress called, and said she was very sorry about thehandkerchiefs, and returned ninepence. I said, as the colour wascompletely washed out and the handkerchiefs quite spoiled, ninepence wasnot enough. Carrie replied that the two handkerchiefs originally onlycost sixpence, for she remembered bring them at a sale at the HollowayBON MARCHE. In that case, I insisted that threepence buying shouldbe returned to the laundress. Lupin has gone to stay with the Poshs for afew days. I must say I feel very uncomfortable about it. Carrie said I wasridiculous to worry about it. Mr. Posh was very fond of Lupin, who, afterall, was only a mere13 boy.
In the evening we had another seance, which, in some respects, wasvery remarkable14, although the first part of it was a little doubtful.
Gowing called, as well as Cummings, and begged to be allowed to join thecircle. I wanted to object, but Mrs. James, who appears a good Medium(that is, if there is anything in it at all), thought there might be a little morespirit power if Gowing joined; so the five of us sat down.
The moment I turned out the gas, and almost before I could get myhands on the table, it rocked violently and tilted15, and began movingquickly across the room. Gowing shouted out: "Way oh! steady, lad,steady!" I told Gowing if he could not behave himself I should light thegas, and put an end to the seance.
To tell the truth, I thought Gowing was playing tricks, and I hinted asmuch; but Mrs. James said she had often seen the table go right off theground. The spirit Lina came again, and said, "WARN" three or fourtimes, and declined to explain. Mrs. James said "Lina" was stubbornsometimes. She often behaved like that, and the best thing to do was tosend her away.
She then hit the table sharply, and said: "Go away, Lina; you aredisagreeable. Go away!" I should think we sat nearly three- quarters ofan hour with nothing happening. My hands felt quite cold, and Isuggested we should stop the seance. Carrie and Mrs. James, as well asCummings, would not agree to it. In about ten minutes' time there wassome tilting towards me. I gave the alphabet, and it spelled out S P O OF. As I have heard both Gowing and Lupin use the word, and as I could hear Gowing silently laughing, I directly accused him of pushing the table.
He denied it; but, I regret to say, I did not believe him.
Gowing said: "Perhaps it means 'Spook,' a ghost." I said: "YOUknow it doesn't mean anything of the sort."Gowing said: "Oh! very well - I'm sorry I 'spook,'" and he rose fromthe table.
No one took any notice of the stupid joke, and Mrs. James suggestedhe should sit out for a while. Gowing consented and sat in the arm-chair.
The table began to move again, and we might have had a wonderfulseance but for Gowing's stupid interruptions. In answer to the alphabetfrom Carrie the table spelt "NIPUL," then the "WARN" three times. Wecould not think what it meant till Cummings pointed16 out that "NIPUL"was Lupin spelled backwards17. This was quite exciting. Carrie wasparticularly excited, and said she hoped nothing horrible was going tohappen.
Mrs. James asked if "Lina" was the spirit. The table replied firmly,"No," and the spirit would not give his or her name. We then had themessage, "NIPUL will be very rich."Carrie said she felt quite relieved, but the word "WARN" was againspelt out. The table then began to oscillate violently, and in reply to Mrs.
James, who spoke18 very softly to the table, the spirit began to spell its name.
It first spelled "DRINK."Gowing here said: "Ah! that's more in my line."I asked him to be quiet as the name might not be completed.
The table then spelt "WATER."Gowing here interrupted again, and said: "Ah! that's NOT in my line.
OUTSIDE if you like, but not inside."Carrie appealed to him to be quiet.
The table then spelt "CAPTAIN," and Mrs. James startled us by cryingout, "Captain Drinkwater, a very old friend of my father's, who has beendead some years."This was more interesting, and I could not help thinking that after allthere must be something in Spiritualism.
Mrs. James asked the spirit to interpret the meaning of the word "Warn" as applied19 to "NIPUL." The alphabet was given again, and wegot the word "BOSH."Gowing here muttered: "So it is."Mrs. James said she did not think the spirit meant that, as CaptainDrinkwater was a perfect gentleman, and would never have used the wordin answer to a lady's question. Accordingly the alphabet was givenagain.
This time the table spelled distinctly "POSH." We all thought of Mrs.
Murray Posh and Lupin. Carrie was getting a little distressed20, and as itwas getting late we broke up the circle.
We arranged to have one more to-morrow, as it will be Mrs. James' lastnight in town. We also determined NOT to have Gowing present.
Cummings, before leaving, said it was certainly interesting, but hewished the spirits would say something about him.
June 4. -Quite looking forward to the seance this evening. Wasthinking of it all the day at the office.
Just as we sat down at the table we were annoyed by Gowing enteringwithout knocking.
He said: "I am not going to stop, but I have brought with me a sealedenvelope, which I know I can trust with Mrs. Pooter. In that sealedenvelope is a strip of paper on which I have asked a simple question. Ifthe spirits can answer that question, I will believe in Spiritualism."I ventured the expression that it might be impossible.
Mrs. James said: "Oh no! it is of common occurrence for the spiritsto answer questions under such conditions - and even for them to write onlocked slates21. It is quite worth trying. If 'Lina' is in a good temper, sheis certain to do it."Gowing said: "All right; then I shall be a firm believer. I shallperhaps drop in about half-past nine or ten, and hear the result."He then left and we sat a long time. Cummings wanted to knowsomething about some undertaking22 in which he was concerned, but hecould get no answer of any description whatever - at which he said he wasvery disappointed and was afraid there was not much in table-turning afterall. I thought this rather selfish of him. The seance was very similar to the one last night, almost the same in fact. So we turned to the letter.
"Lina" took a long time answering the question, but eventually spelt out"ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS." There was great rocking of the table atthis time, and Mrs. James said: "If that is Captain Drinkwater, let us askhim the answer as well?"It was the spirit of the Captain, and, most singular, he gave the sameidentical answer: "ROSES, LILIES, AND COWS."I cannot describe the agitation23 with which Carrie broke the seal, or thedisappointment we felt on reading the question, to which the answer wasso inappropriate. The question was, "WHAT'S OLD POOTER'S AGE?"This quite decided24 me.
As I had put my foot down on Spiritualism years ago, so I wouldagain.
I am pretty easy-going as a rule, but I can be extremely firm whendriven to it.
I said slowly, as I turned up the gas: "This is the last of this nonsensethat shall ever take place under my roof. I regret I permitted myself to bea party to such tomfoolery. If there is anything in it - which I doubt - it isnothing of any good, and I WON'T HAVE IT AGAIN. That is enough."Mrs. James said: "I think, Mr. Pooter, you are rather over- stepping"I said: "Hush25, madam. I am master of this house - pleaseunderstand that."Mrs. James made an observation which I sincerely hope I wasmistaken in. I was in such a rage I could not quite catch what she said.
But if I thought she said what it sounded like, she should never enter thehouse again.
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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deafening
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| adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式 | |
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wriggled
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| v.扭动，蠕动，蜿蜒行进( wriggle的过去式和过去分词 )；（使身体某一部位）扭动；耍滑不做，逃避（应做的事等） | |
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chronometer
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| n.精密的计时器 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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disapprove
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| v.不赞成，不同意，不批准 | |
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rebuked
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| 责难或指责( rebuke的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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tilting
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| 倾斜，倾卸 | |
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construed
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| v.解释（陈述、行为等）( construe的过去式和过去分词 )；翻译，作句法分析 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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tilted
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| v. 倾斜的 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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backwards
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| adv.往回地，向原处，倒，相反，前后倒置地 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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applied
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| adj.应用的；v.应用，适用 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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slates
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| （旧时学生用以写字的）石板( slate的名词复数 )； 板岩； 石板瓦； 石板色 | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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agitation
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| n.搅动；搅拌；鼓动，煽动 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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hush
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| int.嘘，别出声；n.沉默，静寂；v.使安静 | |
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