But these, after all, are not the summits; they lead at best only to a common knighthood, and any fool can get knighted if he wants to. So you determine to seek Parliamentary honours. You subscribe8 liberally to the funds of your party, and by-and-by a constituency is found for you to contest. You lose the fight and subscribe again; another constituency is found for you, and you win by the skin of your teeth or with a plumping majority, as the case may be. You are now a full-blown member of Parliament; it is worth the money and[Pg 92] much better than being a mayor. Up to this time you have been an orator2 of sorts. You have held forth9 from schoolroom platforms and the tops of waggons10 what time the assembled populace shouted and threw up its sweaty nightcaps. You have been carried shoulder high behind brass11 bands rendering12 See, the Conquering Hero Comes. Now however, you are really in Parliament; and for the nonce—for several years, in fact—you must give up talking. There is plenty for you to do; you may put questions on the paper, you may get a look in at committee work, you may show electors round the Houses, and you may go on subscribing13 liberally to the party funds. When you have subscribed14 enough, it is just within the bounds of possibility that the heads of the party—the Front Bench people, as it were—will begin to discover that there is virtue5 in you. You will be encouraged to make a speech or two at the slackest part of debates, and some fine day you may be entrusted15 with the fortunes of a little Bill which your[Pg 93] party wishes to rush through. All the while you are subscribing liberally to the party funds. After many years, when you are least expecting it, the bottom seems to fall out of the universe—that is to say, there is a General Election. You have to fight your seat; you win; you come nobly back; behold16, your party is in power. Then comes the grand moment of your life. You are shovelled17 into the Cabinet on account of services rendered. From this point, if you possess any ability at all, you can have things pretty much your own way; and if your ambition has been to hear yourself called "My lord" before you die, and to see your wife in the Peeresses' Gallery on great occasions, and your sons swanking about town with "Hon." before their names, you can manage it. It is a slow job, and it involves many years of hard work and lavish18 expenditure19; but it is politically possible in England for a man to be born on the flags and to die properly set forth in Burke and Debrett.
I do not say for a moment that the end[Pg 94] and aim of every English politician is the peerage; but I do say that, as a rule, his labours are directed towards some end of honour or emolument20, and seldom or never to the good of the State. It is ambition, and not patriotism21, that fires his bosom22; it is self-aggrandisement, and not a desire for the welfare of the English people, that keeps him going; and it is party, and not principle, that guides and rules his legislative23 actions. Of course, the great art of being a politician is to hide these facts from the public. If you went down to your constituency like an honest man and said, "Gentlemen, I wish you to return me to Parliament in order that I may make a high position for myself, in order that I may become a man of rank and the founder24 of a family," your constituency would hurl25 dead cats at you. Therefore you go down with an altogether different tale: "I am going to the House of Commons, gentlemen, in your interests and not in mine. It will cost me large sums of money; besides which, as your member, I shall be expected[Pg 95] to subscribe to all the local cricket clubs. But I have the best interests of Muckington at heart; and, if you honour me by making me your representative, money is no object."
It is a wonderful business, and a great and a glorious. One stands in astonishment26 before the bright English intelligence which takes so much on promise and gets so little performed. An English party never goes into power with the intention of doing more than half of what it has promised to do. At election times its great business is to capture votes: these must be had at any price short of rank bribery27. And, once landed with the blest, the party immediately settles down, not to the work of carrying out its promises, but to the far more serious business of keeping itself in power. From the point of view of the careless lay-observer, the House of Commons is an assemblage for the discussion of Imperial affairs, with a view to their being managed in the best possible way. To the politician it is just an arena28 in which two[Pg 96] sets of greedy men meet to annoy, thwart29, ridicule30, and bring about the downfall of each other.
The amount of interest the Englishman is supposed to take in this amazing assemblage and its doings makes it plain that the Englishman himself is well-nigh as foolish and well-nigh as oblique31 as the person whom he elects to represent him. Next to royalty32 itself there is nobody in England who can command so much attention and such a prominent place in the picture as the politician. If he be a Cabinet Minister of any standing33, it is impossible for him to walk through the streets either of London or of any of the English provincial34 towns without being immediately recognised and "respectfully saluted"; whereas, if he happens to have come to any metropolitan35 district or provincial town on political business bent36, he may depend upon being received at the proper point by the local authorities, supported by a guard of honour of the local Volunteers, and he may also depend upon[Pg 97] more or less of an ovation37 on his way to and from the place of meeting.
Year in and year out, too, the illustrated38 papers of every degree blossom with his latest photograph. Mr. So-and-so in his new motorcar; Mr. So-and-so playing golf; Mr. So-and-so and the King; Mr. So-and-so addressing the mob from the railway train,—these are pictures in which every Englishman has delighted from his youth up, and in which he will always find great artistic39 and moral satisfaction. As for the journals which live out of the personal paragraph, they must give—or imagine they must give—pride of place to the politician, or perish. Little anecdotes40 of the sayings and doings of the politically great are always marketable. It is not necessary that they should have the slightest foundation in truth; but they must be neat, reasonably amusing, and flattering to the personage involved.
It is when one turns to the English daily papers, however, that one begins to understand what an extraordinary hold the political interest has upon the English public[Pg 98] mind. It is well known that, in the main, the debates in the House of Commons are quite dull, colourless, and somnolent41 functions. Half of them take place in the presence only of the Speaker and a quorum42. That is to say, nine nights out of ten, members spend the greater portion of their time in the smoke-rooms, dining-rooms, and lobbies, and not in the House itself, the simple reason being that, as a rule, the debates are not interesting. When some reputable champion of either party gets on his legs, or when some wag is up, members manage to attend in force; but it is only at these moments that they do so. Yet, if you pick up an English morning newspaper, you will find six columns of that sheet devoted43 to a report of the proceedings45 in Parliament; another three columns of descriptive matter bearing on the same proceedings; and, out of four or five leaders, three at least deal with the political question of the moment. Even when Parliament is not sitting, the first leader is never by any chance other than[Pg 99] political. From the point of view of the dull English mind, nothing more important than a political happening can happen in this world. Mr. Somebody has called Mr. Somebody else a liar46 across the floor of the House of Commons. It is essential for the well-being47 of the country at large that the episode should be reported with a separate subhead and great circumstance in the Parliamentary report; that the scene should be described by the lively and picturesque48 pen of the writer of the Parliamentary sketch49; that the appearance of the gentleman who called the other gentleman a liar should be dwelt upon in the notes; that instances of other gentlemen having called gentlemen liars50 across the floor of the House should also be given in the notes; and, finally, that a rotund and windy leader should be written, wherein is discussed gravely the general advisability of gentlemen calling other gentlemen liars across the floor of the House; wherein one is assured that, in spite of occasional regrettable instances of the kind, the[Pg 100] English Parliament is the most decorous and dignified51 assemblage under the sun; and wherein we cannot refrain from paying our tribute of respectful admiration52 to the Right Honourable53 the Speaker, whose tact54, good sense, and gentleman-like spirit, coupled with the firmness, resolution, and knowledge of the procedure of the House becoming to his high position, invariably enable him to still the storm and to repress the angry passions of our heated legislators before any great harm has been done. So that a gentleman who calls another gentleman a liar across the floor of the House of Commons really renders a great service to Englishmen, inasmuch as he provides them with a gratuitous55 entertainment, about which they may read, talk, and argue for at least twenty-four hours.
Recognising their own love of politics and political strife56, and knowing in their hearts that the talk in the House of Commons—not to mention the House of Lords—is, generally speaking, of the flattest and flabbiest, one would imagine that the wise English[Pg 101] would be at some pains to take measures calculated to brighten up the Parliamentary debates and render them of real interest. But no such precautions are taken. When a would-be member of Parliament is heckled, he is never by any chance asked if he is prepared, at the psychological moment, to pull the nose of one of the right honourable gentlemen opposite. Any member of Parliament who, in the middle of a dull debate, would walk across the floor and box the ears of, say, Mr. Balfour, or Lord Hugh Cecil, would thereby57 earn for himself the distinction of being the best-discussed and best-described man in England for quite half a week. Considering the small amount of exertion58 required for such a proceeding44, and the very large amount of notoriety which would accrue59 to the person who ventured on it, one wonders that it has never been done.
In spite of the abnormal share of publicity60 and applause which is extended to the English politician, however, the solemn fact remains61 that he is seldom a person of any[Pg 102] real force, capacity, understanding, or character. Commonplace, mediocre62, insincere, inept63, are the epithets64 which best describe him. He passes through the legislative chamber65 or chambers66, says his say in undistinguished speeches, casts his vote, earns his place, his pension, or his peerage, and passes beyond our echo and our hail. The daily papers manufacture for him an obituary67 notice varying in length from five lines to a couple of columns, and nobody wants to hear anything more about him. As a matter of fact, he has left the world neither wiser nor wittier68 nor happier than he found it. If he has made one phrase or uttered one sentiment that sticks in men's minds, he is fortunate. Neither history nor posterity69 will have anything to say about him, though in his day he kicked up some fuss and took up a lot of room. In short, politics as a career in England is not a career for solid, serious men. It merely serves the turn of the specious70, the shallow, the incompetent71, and the vainglorious72.
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1
brutally
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| adv.残忍地，野蛮地，冷酷无情地 | |
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orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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oratory
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| n.演讲术；词藻华丽的言辞 | |
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virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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8
subscribe
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| vi.(to)订阅，订购；同意；vt.捐助，赞助 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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waggons
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| 四轮的运货马车( waggon的名词复数 )； 铁路货车； 小手推车 | |
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brass
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| n.黄铜；黄铜器，铜管乐器 | |
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rendering
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| n.表现，描写 | |
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subscribing
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| v.捐助( subscribe的现在分词 )；签署，题词；订阅；同意 | |
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subscribed
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| v.捐助( subscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；签署，题词；订阅；同意 | |
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entrusted
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| v.委托，托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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shovelled
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| v.铲子( shovel的过去式和过去分词 )；锹；推土机、挖土机等的)铲；铲形部份 | |
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lavish
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| adj.无节制的；浪费的；vt.慷慨地给予，挥霍 | |
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expenditure
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| n.(时间、劳力、金钱等)支出；使用，消耗 | |
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emolument
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| n.报酬，薪水 | |
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patriotism
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| n.爱国精神，爱国心，爱国主义 | |
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bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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legislative
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| n.立法机构，立法权；adj.立法的，有立法权的 | |
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Founder
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| n.创始者，缔造者 | |
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hurl
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| vt.猛投，力掷，声叫骂 | |
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astonishment
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| n.惊奇，惊异 | |
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bribery
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| n.贿络行为，行贿，受贿 | |
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arena
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| n.竞技场，运动场所；竞争场所，舞台 | |
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thwart
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| v.阻挠，妨碍，反对；adj.横(断的) | |
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ridicule
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| v.讥讽，挖苦；n.嘲弄 | |
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oblique
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| adj.斜的，倾斜的，无诚意的，不坦率的 | |
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royalty
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| n.皇家，皇族 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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provincial
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| adj.省的，地方的；n．外省人，乡下人 | |
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metropolitan
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| adj.大城市的，大都会的 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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ovation
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| n.欢呼，热烈欢迎，热烈鼓掌 | |
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illustrated
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| adj. 有插图的，列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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artistic
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| adj.艺术(家)的，美术(家)的；善于艺术创作的 | |
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anecdotes
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| n.掌故，趣闻，轶事( anecdote的名词复数 ) | |
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somnolent
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| adj.想睡的，催眠的；adv.瞌睡地；昏昏欲睡地；使人瞌睡地 | |
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quorum
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| n.法定人数 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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liar
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| n.说谎的人 | |
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well-being
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| n.安康，安乐，幸福 | |
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picturesque
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| adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的 | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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liars
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| 说谎者( liar的名词复数 ) | |
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dignified
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| a.可敬的，高贵的 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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tact
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| n.机敏，圆滑，得体 | |
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gratuitous
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| adj.无偿的，免费的；无缘无故的，不必要的 | |
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strife
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| n.争吵，冲突，倾轧，竞争 | |
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thereby
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| adv.因此，从而 | |
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exertion
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| n.尽力，努力 | |
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accrue
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| v.(利息等)增大，增多 | |
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publicity
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| n.众所周知，闻名；宣传，广告 | |
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remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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mediocre
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| adj.平常的，普通的 | |
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inept
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| adj.不恰当的，荒谬的，拙劣的 | |
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epithets
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| n.（表示性质、特征等的）词语( epithet的名词复数 ) | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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chambers
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| n.房间( chamber的名词复数 )；（议会的）议院；卧室；会议厅 | |
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obituary
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| n.讣告，死亡公告；adj.死亡的 | |
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wittier
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| 机智的，言辞巧妙的，情趣横生的( witty的比较级 ) | |
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posterity
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| n.后裔，子孙，后代 | |
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specious
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| adj.似是而非的；adv.似是而非地 | |
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incompetent
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| adj.无能力的，不能胜任的 | |
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vainglorious
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| adj.自负的；夸大的 | |
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