Hence it comes to pass that in whatever part of the world the Englishman may find himself, he has a feeling that he is thoroughly4 at home. "I am as welcome as flowers in[Pg 200] May," he says. "These pore foreigners, these pore 'eathen are glad to see me. They never have any money, pore devils! and were it not for our whirring spindles at home, I verily believe they would have nothing to wear." In brief, the Englishman abroad is always in a sort of Father Christmassey, Santa Claus frame of mind. He eats well, he drinks well, and he sleeps well. He calls for the best, and he PAYS for it. It is a wonderful thing to do, and it goes straight to the hearts of the "pore foreigner" and the "pore 'eathen." This, at any rate, is the Englishman's own view. It is a pleasing, consoling, and stimulating5 view, and it would ill become an unregenerate outsider rudely to disturb it. Indeed, I question whether the Englishman in his blindness and adipose6 conceit7 would allow you to disturb it.
When persons in France say, "à bas l'Anglais," your fat Englishman smiles, and says, "Little boys!" When people put rude pictures of him on German postcards, he smiles again, and says that the flowing tide[Pg 201] of public opinion in Germany is entirely8 with him. When Dutch farmers propose to throw him into the sea, he becomes very red in the neck, splutters somewhat, and says, "I'm sure they will make excellent subjects in time." And when the savage9 Americans desire to chaw him up and swallow him, he says, "You astonish me. I have always been under the impression that blood was thicker than water." His desire is to live at peace with all men; but his notion of peace is to have his hand in both your pockets and no questions asked. He owns two-thirds of the habitable globe (vide the geography books), and every pint10 of sea is his (pace the popular song); he owns also everything that is worth owning. He is the Pierpont Morgan of the universe. Who could help loving him?
On the other hand, the excellent J.B. has not escaped calumny11. If I were disposed to reproduce some of the slanders12 upon him, it goes without saying that they would make a rather large chapter. All manner of foreign writers have time and time again had a[Pg 202] fling at the Englishman. They love him, but their love is not blind. They perceive that he has faults of a grievous nature, and they write accordingly. Curiously13 enough, too, quite severe criticisms of John Bull have been written in his own household. Mr. Wilfrid Scawen Blunt, for example, who is an Englishman, and apparently14 innocent of Celtic taint15, actually goes so far as to call the Englishman an Anglo-Norman dog:
Down to the latest born, the hungriest of the pack,
The master-wolf of all men, called the Sassenach,
The Anglo-Norman dog, who goeth by land and sea,
As his forefathers16 went in chartered piracy17,
Death, fire in his right hand.
And the English poet goes on to elaborate his indictment18 against the Englishman, thus:
He hath outlived the day
Of the old single graspings, where each went his way
Alone to plunder19 all. He hath learned to curb20 his lusts22
Somewhat, to smooth his brawls23, to guide his passionate24 gusts25,
His cry of "Mine, mine, mine!" in inarticulate wrath26.
He dareth not make raid on goods his next friend hath
With open violence, nor loose his hand to steal,
Save in community and for the common weal
[Pg 203]
'Twixt Saxon man and man. He is more congruous grown;
Holding a subtler plan to make the world his own
By organized self-seeking in the paths of power
He is new-drilled to wait. He knoweth his appointed hour
And his appointed prey28. Of all he maketh tool,
Even of his own sad virtues29, to cajole and rule.
We are told, further, that the Beloved has tarred Time's features, pock-marked Nature's face, and "brought all to the same jakes," whatever that may mean. Also:
There is no sentient31 thing
Polluteth and defileth as this Saxon king,
This intellectual lord and sage32 of the new quest.
The only wanton he that fouleth his own nest,
And still his boast goeth forth33.
This is an English opinion, and, consequently, worth the money. Mr. Blunt assures us that in putting it forth he has the approval of no less a philosopher than Mr. Herbert Spencer, and no less an idealist than Mr. George Frederick Watts34. "I have not," says Mr. Blunt, "shrunk from insisting on the truth that the hypocrisy35 and all-acquiring greed of modern England is an atrocious[Pg 204] spectacle—one which, if there be any justice in Heaven, must bring a curse from God, as it has surely already made the angels weep. The destruction of beauty in the name of science, the destruction of happiness in the name of progress, the destruction of reverence36 in the name of religion, these are the Pharisaic crimes of all the white races; but there is something in the Anglo-Saxon impiety37 crueller still: that it also destroys, as no other race does, for its mere38 vainglorious39 pleasure. The Anglo-Saxon alone has in our day exterminated40, root and branch, whole tribes of mankind. He alone has depopulated continents, species after species, of their wonderful animal life, and is still yearly destroying; and this not merely to occupy the land, for it lies in large part empty, but for his insatiable lust21 of violent adventure, to make record bags and kill."
When the Beloved comes across reading of this sort he no doubt sheds bitter tears, and remembers how sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child. And[Pg 205] he goes on his way rejoicing, unimpressed and unreformed.
The fact of the matter is, that from the beginning, John Bull, though possessed41 of a great reputation for honesty and munificence42, has never really been any better than he should be. When he interfered43 between tyrant44 and slave, when he went forth to conquer savage persons and to annex45 savage lands which somehow invariably flowed with milk and honey, he made a point of doing it with the air of a philanthropist, and for centuries the world took him at his own estimate. Even in the late war the great cry was that he did not want gold-mines. As a general rule he never wants anything; but he always gets it. It is only of late that the world has begun to find him out and that he himself has begun to have qualms46. He feels in his bones that something has gone wrong with him. It may be a slight matter and not beyond repair, but there it is. He cannot put his hand on his heart and say; "I am the fine, substantial, sturdy, truth-speaking,[Pg 206] incorruptible, magnanimous, genial47 Englishman of half a century ago!" The fly has crept into the ointment48 of his virtue30, and the fragrance49 of it no longer remains50. His attitude at the present moment is the attitude of the anxious man who perceives that life is a little too much for him, and keeps on saying, "We shall have to buck51 up!"
He is in two minds about most things over which he was once cock-sure. He could not quite tell you, for example, whether he continues to stand at the head of the world's commerce or not. Once there was no doubt about it; now—well, it is a question of statistics, and you can prove anything by statistics. Out of America men have come to buy English things which were deemed unpurchasable. The American has come and seen and purchased and done it quite quickly. The Englishman is a little puzzled; his slow wits cannot altogether grasp the situation. "We must buck up!" he says, "and take measures while there is yet time." He does[Pg 207] not see that the newer order is upon him, and that inevitably52 and for his good he must be considerably53 shaken up. His own day has been a lengthy54, a roseful, and a gaudy55 one; it has been a day of ease and triumph and comfortable going, and the Beloved has become very wealthy and a trifle stout56 in consequence. Whether to-morrow is going to be his day, too, and whether it is going to be one of those nice loafing, sunshiny kind of days that the Beloved likes, are open questions. It is to be hoped devoutly57 that fate will be kind to him: he needs the sympathy of all who are about him; he wants encouragement and support and a restful time.
It is said that his Majesty58 of Portugal, who has just left these shores, on being asked what had impressed him most during his visit, replied, "The roast beef." "Nothing else, sir?" inquired his interlocutor. "Yes," said the monarch59; "the boiled beef." And there is a great deal in it. Through much devouring60 of beef the English have undoubt[Pg 208]edly waxed a trifle beefy. It is their beefiness and suetiness—that fatty degeneration, in fact—which impress you.
Recognising his need of props61 and stays and abdominal62 belts, as it were, the Beloved has latterly taken to remembering the Colonies. He is now of opinion that he and his sturdy children over-seas should be "knit together in bonds of closer unity27," "to present an unbroken front to the world," "should share the burdens and glories of Empire," and so on and so forth. The Colonies—good bodies!—saw it all at once. They had been accustomed to be snubbed and neglected and left out of count, and they had forgotten to whom they belonged. In his hour of need the Beloved cried, "'Elp! I said I didn't want you, but I do—I do!" and the Colonies sent to his aid, at a dollar a day per head, the prettiest lot of freebooters and undesirable63 characters they found themselves able to muster64. Later, they sent several landau loads of premiers65 and politicians, who were fed and flattered[Pg 209] to their hearts' content, and went home, no doubt, greatly impressed with the English roast and boiled beef. These gentlemen made speeches in return for their dinners; they were allowed to visit the Colonial Office and kiss the hand of Mr. Chamberlain; they saw Peter Robinson's and the tuppenny tube: and the bonds of Empire have been knit closer ever since.
Not to put too fine a point upon it, the Englishman's attempt to buttress66 himself up out of the Colonies has proved a ghastly failure. The scheme fell flat. The English may want the Colonies, but the Colonies do not want the English—at any rate, on bonds of unity lines. The banner of Imperialism67 which has waved so gloriously during the past lustrum will have to be furled and put away. The great Imperial idea declines to work; it has been brought on the political stage half a century too late. At best it was a fetch, and it has failed. The All-Beloved will have to find some other way out. Whether he is quite equal to the task may[Pg 210] be reckoned another question. One supposes that he will try; for there is life in the old dog yet, at any rate, according to the old dog.
The End
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1
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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benignity
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| n.仁慈 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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stimulating
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| adj.有启发性的，能激发人思考的 | |
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adipose
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| adj.脂肪质的，脂肪多的；n.（储于脂肪组织中的）动物脂肪；肥胖 | |
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conceit
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| n.自负，自高自大 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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pint
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| n.品脱 | |
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calumny
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| n.诽谤，污蔑，中伤 | |
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slanders
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| 诽谤，诋毁( slander的名词复数 ) | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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15
taint
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| n.污点；感染；腐坏；v.使感染；污染 | |
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forefathers
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| n.祖先，先人；祖先，祖宗( forefather的名词复数 )；列祖列宗；前人 | |
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17
piracy
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| n.海盗行为，剽窃，著作权侵害 | |
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indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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19
plunder
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| vt.劫掠财物，掠夺；n.劫掠物，赃物；劫掠 | |
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curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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21
lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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22
lusts
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| 贪求（lust的第三人称单数形式） | |
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23
brawls
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| 吵架，打架( brawl的名词复数 ) | |
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24
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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25
gusts
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| 一阵强风( gust的名词复数 )； （怒、笑等的）爆发； （感情的）迸发； 发作 | |
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26
wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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27
unity
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| n.团结，联合，统一；和睦，协调 | |
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28
prey
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| n.被掠食者，牺牲者，掠食；v.捕食，掠夺，折磨 | |
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29
virtues
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| 美德( virtue的名词复数 )； 德行； 优点； 长处 | |
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30
virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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31
sentient
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| adj.有知觉的，知悉的；adv.有感觉能力地 | |
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32
sage
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| n.圣人，哲人；adj.贤明的，明智的 | |
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33
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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34
watts
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| （电力计量单位）瓦，瓦特( watt的名词复数 ) | |
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35
hypocrisy
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| n.伪善，虚伪 | |
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36
reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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37
impiety
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| n.不敬；不孝 | |
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38
mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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39
vainglorious
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| adj.自负的；夸大的 | |
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40
exterminated
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| v.消灭，根绝( exterminate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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41
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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42
munificence
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| n.宽宏大量，慷慨给与 | |
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43
interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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44
tyrant
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| n.暴君，专制的君主，残暴的人 | |
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45
annex
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| vt.兼并，吞并；n.附属建筑物 | |
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46
qualms
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| n.不安；内疚 | |
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47
genial
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| adj.亲切的，和蔼的，愉快的，脾气好的 | |
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48
ointment
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| n.药膏，油膏，软膏 | |
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49
fragrance
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| n.芬芳，香味，香气 | |
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50
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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51
buck
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| n.雄鹿，雄兔；v.马离地跳跃 | |
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52
inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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53
considerably
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| adv.极大地；相当大地；在很大程度上 | |
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54
lengthy
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| adj.漫长的，冗长的 | |
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55
gaudy
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| adj.华而不实的；俗丽的 | |
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57
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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58
majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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59
monarch
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| n.帝王，君主，最高统治者 | |
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60
devouring
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| 吞没( devour的现在分词 )； 耗尽； 津津有味地看； 狼吞虎咽地吃光 | |
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61
props
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| 小道具； 支柱( prop的名词复数 )； 支持者； 道具； （橄榄球中的）支柱前锋 | |
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62
abdominal
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| adj.腹（部）的，下腹的；n.腹肌 | |
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63
undesirable
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| adj.不受欢迎的，不良的，不合意的，讨厌的；n.不受欢迎的人，不良分子 | |
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64
muster
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| v.集合，收集，鼓起，激起；n.集合，检阅，集合人员，点名册 | |
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65
premiers
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| n.总理，首相( premier的名词复数 )；首席官员， | |
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66
buttress
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| n.支撑物；v.支持 | |
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67
imperialism
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| n.帝国主义，帝国主义政策 | |
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