Chapter 12

Mr. Gorf's nose flared¹.

His right nostril² flared to the right. His left nostril flared to the left. And the hole in the middle seemed to get larger.

Mac coughed. He tried to speak, but no words came out.

"Thank you, Mac," said Mr. Gorf. "Anyone else?"

Deedee raised her hand.

"Yes, young lady," said Mr. Gorf.

Deedee giggled⁴. She liked the way he said "young lady." "My name is Deedee," she said. Her voice was small, but full of energy, like a superball. "I like soccer and Ninja Turtles. My favorite-"

Mr. Gorf's nose flared.

Deedee lost her voice too.

"Who's next?" asked Mr. Gorf. "Yes, the girl in the polka-dot shirt."

"My name's Maurecia," said Maurecia. "I have two brothers and one sister."

Maurecia's voice was like a pineapple milkshake.

Mr. Gorf sucked it up through his nose.

"Hey, what's going-," said Todd.

Todd was silent.

"Look at his nose!" shouted Eric Bacon. "It has-"

Eric Bacon had nothing else to say. "Nobody say anyth-," Jenny tried to warn. Her voice disappeared up Mr. Gorf's nose. Soon the class was quiet

Mr. Gorf's middle nostril had snorted all of their voices.

Except for Allison. She remained silent. She knew she'd only get one chance to speak, and she had to wait for just the right moment.

"What good little boys and girls you are," said Mr. Gorf. "So nice and quiet." He laughed.

"Of course, this isn't my real voice," he said. "I stole this voice from a gentleman I met in Scotland."

He touched the tip of his nose.

"This is my voice!" he squawked.

If a donkey could talk, and if the donkey had a sore throat, and if it spoke⁵ with a French accent-that was what Mr. Gorf's voice sounded like.

But what he said next was even more horrible than his voice.

"Mrs. Gorf was my mommy."

The children sat frozen⁶ in their chairs, too scared to move.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. "Who is it?" he
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asked in the pleasant voice he stole from the Scottish gentleman.

"Miss Mush," said Miss Mush from the other side of the door. "I just came up to say hello and welcome you to Wayside School."

"That's very nice of you, Miss Mush," said Mr. Gorf. "But we're very busy right now. Maybe we can get together for tea and crumpets sometime."

Miss Mush giggled. "That sounds lovely," she said. "By the way, Mr. Gorf, are you married?"

"No, I'm single," said Mr. Gorf.

"So am I," said Miss Mush.

"Miss Mush!" shouted Allison. "Help! Mr. Gorf is taking-"

Mr. Gorf's nose flared.

"Did you say something, Allison?" asked Miss Mush.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. Then he spoke, this time using Allison's voice. "Mr. Gorf is taking us on a field trip next week. But he might need help. Do you want to come with us?"

"Maybe," said Miss Mush. "Thank you, Allison."

"Oh, don't thank me," said Allison's voice. "Thank Mr. Gorf. He's the best teacher in the whole world!"

"I'm glad," said Miss Mush. "He sounds very charming."

"And so do you," said Mr. Gorf, speaking like the gentleman from Scotland. He touched his nose.

"See you later, Miss Mush," said the voice of Eric Ovens.

"Take care," said Calvin's voice.

"Have a nice day," said Kathy's voice.
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Mr. Gorf locked the door. "I don't want any more interruptions," he said.

Very quietly. Leslie slipped a piece of paper out of her desk. Then she felt around for a pencil.

Mr. Gorf returned to the teacher's desk. He opened the top drawer and took out the class list. It had the names of all the children in the class, their parents' names, and their parents' home and work phone numbers.

"Let's play a game!" he said, speaking in his own, normal, French-donkey-with-a-sore-throat voice. "The name of the game is Who Am I Now?"

Leslie found a pencil. She held the piece of paper on her lap, where Mr. Gorf couldn't see it, and wrote HELP in big letters. She had to get it to Louis, the yard teacher.

Mr. Gorf touched the tip of his nose. "Who am I now?" he asked.

It was a girl's voice, soft and warm, with just a little bit of a giggle³ in it.

Everyone looked at Rondi.

"Rondi," said Mr. Gorf. He opened his briefcase⁷ and removed a portable⁸ phone. He dialed Rondi's home number.

"Hello, Mommy," Mr. Gorf said into the phone, using Rondi's voice. "No, nothing's wrong. I just called to say I hate you! You're the worst mommy in the whole world. You're ugly and you smell bad! It's not fair! Out of all the mommies in the world, I got stuck with you!"

He hung up the phone.

Rondi sat crying in her chair.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. "Isn't this a good game?" he asked, sounding very much like a sick French donkey. "Rondi is crying. And at home, her mother is crying too." He laughed. "Too bad you won't ever be able to tell her you're sorry, Rondi."
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Leslie carefully folded the piece of paper into a paper airplane. There was one open window, next to Sharie's desk.

Mr. Gorf touched his nose. "Who am I now?" he asked.

Everyone tried not to look at Joe.

Mr. Gorf called Joe's mother at work. "Hello, Mommy," he said. "I hate you! I wish you'd go away forever! Then maybe Daddy will marry somebody good this time."

Leslie knew she'd only have one chance. It would take a perfect throw. She tossed⁹ the paper airplane toward the window.

Mr. Gorf saw it. "Hey!" he shouted.

The airplane sailed closer . . . closer . . . but then at the last second it made a sudden turn, hit the wall, and landed on the floor.

Mr. Gorf laughed. He picked up the airplane and unfolded it "Help," he sneered¹⁰. "No one can help you now! You took my mommy away from me. And I'm going to take your mommies away from you!"

He touched his nose.

"Who am I now?" he asked.

It was Leslie's voice.

He started to dial her home phone number but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Oh, Mr. Gorf!" sang Miss Mush.

"Yes," said Mr. Gorf, still in Leslie's voice. He touched his nose and cleared his throat "I mean, yes?" This time he sounded like a donkey with tonsillitis. He touched his nose again. "Yes?" he asked in the pleasant voice he took from the Scottish gentleman.

"It's me again," said Miss Mush. Miss Mush's voice was like two boots sloshing through mud. "I baked you a pie, Mr. Gorf. To welcome you to Wayside School."

Mr. Gorf sighed. "You are very kind, Miss Mush," he said. "But we are all quite busy at the moment. Perhaps another-"

"It's best to eat it while it's still warm," said Miss Mush. "You probably don't get fresh pies very often. Being a bachelor and all."

"I really hate to disturb the class," said Mr. Gorf. "I'll tell you what. "I'll just come outside a moment, and you can hand it to me."

He glared¹¹ at the class, daring them to move. Then he opened the door.

"I hope you like pepper pie," said Miss Mush. She smashed¹³ it in his face.

Mr. Gorf turned around. His face was covered with a thick pepper cream. He sneezed.

Calvin laughed.
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"Hey, my voice is back!" said Calvin. "Wait a second. This isn't my voice. I sound like Bebe!"

Mr. Gorf sneezed again.

"I can talk!" shouted Jenny. "But who am I?"

Mr. Gorf sneezed.

"You're Maurecia!" said Jason. Jason sounded like the gentleman from Scotland.

Mr. Gorf kept sneezing.

"Who might I be, sonny?" Paul cackled. He sounded like somebody's grandmother.

Todd barked.

"AAAACHOOocmmr

Mr. Gorf sneezed so hard his nose flew off his face. He screamed like a donkey, then ran noseless out of the room.

"Oh, gross¹⁴!" said Jason. "Now I sound like Allison."

Bebe said something in Italian.

"Nobody panic," said Miss Mush. "Your voices are bouncing around, trying to find where they belong. It might take a while, but soon you will be back to normal."

"How do you know?" asked Leslie, although she sounded like Paul. "And how'd you know to smash¹² a pepper pie in Mr. Gorf's face?"

"I wasn't exactly sure," explained Miss Mush. "But when I came up the first time, I heard Kathy say 'Have a nice day.' So, either Kathy had decided¹⁵ to be nice to me, or Mr. Gorf was a mean teacher who sucked children's voices up his nose." She shrugged¹⁶. "I just didn't think Kathy would be nice."

"Maybe if you learned to brush your teeth," muttered¹⁷ Kathy.

Mr. Gorf's nose lay on the floor. Miss Mush picked it up and put it in her apron¹⁸ pocket. "It will go good in spaghetti sauce," she said.

Soon all the children had their real voices back. Rondi and Joe called their mothers on Mr. Gorf's portable phone and told them they loved them.

While far away, in a small village in Scotland, a man who hadn't spoken for twenty years turned to his wife and said, "Top of the morning to you, Tilly."
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The new teacher entered the classroom carrying a big blue notebook stuffed with papers. She had white hair and wore glasses. She was a lot older than anyone else in the class.

She took a big breath. "My, it's tiring walking up all those stairs, isn't it?" she said.

Nobody said anything. They just stared at her.

She set her notebook on the teacher's desk. "My name is Mrs. Drazil," she said. "And I'm not from Brazil." She smiled at her little joke.

Nobody else smiled. After Mrs. and Mr. Gorf, they didn't trust teachers.

Drazil, thought Deedee. Where have I heard that name before?

"Where are you from?" asked Leslie.

"Actually, I was born not too far from here," said Mrs. Drazil.

"Then why'd you say you came from Brazil?" asked Benjamin.

"No, I said I wasn't from Brazil," said Mrs. Drazil.

"Have you ever been to Brazil?" asked Eric Fry.

"No," explained Mrs. Drazil. "It was just a little joke. Brazil rhymes with Drazil. I thought it might help you remember my name."

Terrence laughed. "Drazil-Brazil!" he shouted. "That's funny!"

Several other kids laughed too.

But not Deedee. She had heard of Mrs. Drazil somewhere. She was sure of it. And whatever she had heard, she was sure it wasn't good.

"What's a Brazil?" asked Eric Ovens.

"Brazil is the largest country in South America," said Mrs. Drazil.

"Oh," said Eric Ovens. "I thought it was one of those things that, you know, women wear, you know, on their bosom¹⁹."

1 Flared   

adj. 端部张开的, 爆发的, 加宽的, 漏斗式的 动词flare的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• The match flared and went out. 火柴闪亮了一下就熄了。
• The fire flared up when we thought it was out. 我们以为火已经熄灭，但它突然又燃烧起来。

2 nostril   

n.鼻孔

参考例句：

• The Indian princess wore a diamond in her right nostril.印弟安公主在右鼻孔中戴了一颗钻石。
• All South American monkeys have flat noses with widely spaced nostril.所有南美洲的猴子都有平鼻子和宽大的鼻孔。

3 giggle   

n.痴笑，咯咯地笑；v.咯咯地笑着说

参考例句：

• Both girls began to giggle.两个女孩都咯咯地笑了起来。
• All that giggle and whisper is too much for me.我受不了那些咯咯的笑声和交头接耳的样子。

4 giggled   

v.咯咯地笑( giggle的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The girls giggled at the joke. 女孩子们让这笑话逗得咯咯笑。
• The children giggled hysterically. 孩子们歇斯底里地傻笑。 来自《简明英汉词典》

5 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

6 frozen   

adj.冻结的，冰冻的

参考例句：

• He was frozen to death on a snowing night.在一个风雪的晚上，他被冻死了。
• The weather is cold and the ground is frozen.天寒地冻。

7 briefcase   

n.手提箱，公事皮包

参考例句：

• He packed a briefcase with what might be required.他把所有可能需要的东西都装进公文包。
• He requested the old man to look after the briefcase.他请求那位老人照看这个公事包。

8 portable   

adj.轻便的，手提式的；n.便携的东西

参考例句：

• I have a portable typewriter.我有一个便携式打字机。
• There is a pretty portable pair of steps in one corner of the room.屋角放着一架小巧玲珑的折梯。

9 tossed   

v.（轻轻或漫不经心地）扔( toss的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）摇荡；摇匀；（为…）掷硬币决定

参考例句：

• I tossed the book aside and got up. 我把书丢在一边，站了起来。
• He angrily tossed his tools and would work no longer. 他怒气冲冲地扔下工具不肯再干了。 来自《简明英汉词典》

10 sneered   

讥笑，冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He sneered at people who liked pop music. 他嘲笑喜欢流行音乐的人。
• It's very discouraging to be sneered at all the time. 成天受嘲讽是很令人泄气的。

11 glared   

怒目而视( glare的过去式和过去分词 )； 发强光

参考例句：

• Two fierce eyes glared at them. 一双凶狠的眼睛对着他们怒目而视。
• He didn't shout, he just glared at me silently. 他没有喊叫，只是默默地怒视着我。

12 smash   

v.粉碎，打碎；n.轰动的演出，巨大的成功

参考例句：

• We heard the smash of plates breaking in the kitchen.我们听到厨房里盘子破碎的声音。
• The gifted author wrote one smash after another.这个天才作家创作了一篇又一篇轰动一时的作品。

13 smashed   

adj.喝醉酒的v.打碎，捣烂( smash的过去式和过去分词 )；捣毁；重击；撞毁（车辆）

参考例句：

• Several windows had been smashed. 几扇窗户劈里啪啦打碎了。
• In time-honoured tradition, a bottle of champagne was smashed on the ship. 依照由来已久的传统，对着船摔了一瓶香槟。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 gross   

adj.全部的，粗俗的，肥胖的；vt.获得...总收入

参考例句：

• The gross weight of the box of chocolates is 500 grams.那盒巧克力的全部重量是500克。
• I consider this a gross oversight on your part.我把这件事看作是你的一大疏忽。

15 decided   

adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的

参考例句：

• This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
• There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。

16 shrugged   

vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式）

参考例句：

• Sam shrugged and said nothing. 萨姆耸耸肩膀，什么也没说。
• She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩，装出一副无所谓的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》

17 muttered   

轻声低语，咕哝地抱怨( mutter的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• He muttered a curse at the other driver. 他低声咒骂另一位开车的人。
• She turned away and muttered something unintelligible. 她转向一旁，嘴里不知咕哝些什么。

18 apron   

n.围裙；工作裙

参考例句：

• We were waited on by a pretty girl in a pink apron.招待我们的是一位穿粉红色围裙的漂亮姑娘。
• She stitched a pocket on the new apron.她在新围裙上缝上一只口袋。

19 bosom   

n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的

参考例句：

• She drew a little book from her bosom.她从怀里取出一本小册子。
• A dark jealousy stirred in his bosom.他内心生出一阵恶毒的嫉妒。