***** I remember meeting him, too, one bleak38 winter evening, walking along the rain-swept Corniche, dodging39 the sudden gushes40 of salt water from the conduits which lined it. Under the black hat a skull41 ringing with Smyrna, and the Sporades where his childhood lay. Under the black hat too the haunting illumination of a truth which he afterwards tried to convey to me in an English not the less faultless for having been learned. We had met before, it is true, but glancingly: and would have perhaps passed each other with a nod had not his agitation42 made him stop me and take my arm. ‘Ah! you can help me!’ he cried, taking me by the arm. ‘Please help me.’ His pale face with its gleaming goat-eyes lowered itself towards mine in the approaching dusk. The first blank lamps had begun to stiffen43 the damp paper background of Alexandria. The sea-wall with its lines of cafés swallowed in the spray glowed with a smudged and trembling phosphorescence. The wind blew dead south. Mareotis crouched44 among the reeds, stiff as a crouching45 sphinx. He was looking, he said, for the key to his watch — the beautiful gold pocket-watch which had been made in Munich. I thought afterwards that behind the urgency of his expression he masked the symbolic46 meaning that this watch had for him: signifying the unbound time which flowed through his body and mine, marked off for so many years now by this historic timepiece. Munich, Zagreb, the Carpathians. … The watch had belonged to his father. A tall Jew, dressed in furs, riding in a sledge47. He had crossed into Poland lying in his mother’s arms, knowing only that the jewels she wore in that snowlit landscape were icy cold to the touch. The watch had ticked softly against his father’s body as well as his own — like time fermenting48 in them. It was wound by a small key in the shape of an ankh which he kept attached to a strip of black ribbon on his key-ring. ‘Today is Saturday’ he said hoarsely49 ‘in Alexandria.’ He spoke as if a different sort of time obtained here, and he was not wrong. ‘If I don’t find the key it will stop.’ In the last gleams of the wet dusk he tenderly drew the watch from its silk-lined waistcoat pocket. ‘I have until Monday evening. It will stop.’ Without the key it was useless to open the delicate golden leaf and expose the palpitating viscera of time itself stirring. ‘I have been over the ground three times. I must have dropped it between the café and the hospital.’ I would gladly have helped him, but night was falling fast; and after we had walked a short distance examining the interstices of the stones we were forced to give up the search. ‘Surely’ I said ‘you can have another key cut for it?’ He answered impatiently; ‘Yes. Of course. But you don’t understand. It belonged to this watch. It was part of it.’ We went, I remember, to a café on the sea-front and sat despondently50 before a black coffee while he croaked51 on about this historic watch. It was during this conversation that he said: ‘I think you know Justine. She has spoken to me warmly of you. She will bring you to the Cabal.’ ‘What is that?’ I asked. ‘We study the Cabbala’ he said almost shyly; ‘we are a sort of small lodge52. She said you knew something about it and would be interested.’ This astonished me for I had never, as far as I knew, mentioned to Justine any line of study which I was pursuing — in between long bouts53 of lethargy and self-disgust. And as far as I knew the little suitcase containing the Hermetica and other books of the kind had always been kept under my bed locked. I said nothing however. He spoke now of Nessim, saying: ‘Of all of us he is the most happy in a way because he has no preconceived idea of what he wants in return for his love. And to love in such an unpremeditated way is something that most people have to re-learn after fifty. Children have it. So has he. I am serious.’ ‘Did you know the writer Arnauti?’ ‘Yes. The author of Moeurs.’ ‘Tell me about him.’ ‘He intruded54 on us, but he did not see the spiritual city underlying55 the temporal one. Gifted, sensitive, but very French. He found Justine too young to be more than hurt by her. It was ill luck. Had he found another a little older — all our women are Justines, you know, in different styles — he might have — I will not say written better, for his book is well written: but he might have found in it a sort of resolution which would have made it more truly a work of art.’ He paused and took a long pull at his pipe before adding slowly: ‘You see in his book he avoided dealing56 with a number of things which he knew to be true of Justine, but which he ignored for purely57 artistic58 purposes — like the incident of her child. I suppose he thought it smacked59 of melodrama60.’ ‘What child was this?’ ‘Justine had a child, by whom I do not know. It was kidnapped and disappeared one day. About six years old. A girl. These things do happen quite frequently in Egypt as you know. Later she heard that it had been seen or recognized and began a frantic61 hunt for it through the Arab quarter of every town, through every house of ill-fame, since you know what happens to parentless children in Egypt. Arnauti never mentioned this, though he often helped her follow up clues, and he must have seen how much this loss contributed to her unhappiness.’ ‘Who did Justine love before Arnauti?’ ‘I cannot remember. You know many of Justine’s lovers remained her friends; but more often I think you could say that her truest friends were never lovers. The town is always ready to gossip.’ But I was thinking of a passage in Moeurs where Justine comes to meet him with a man who is her lover. Arnauti writes: ‘She embraced this man, her lover, so warmly in front of me, kissing him on the mouth and eyes, his cheeks, even his hands, that I was puzzled. Then it shot through me with a thrill that it was really me she was kissing in her imagination.’ Balthazar said quietly: ‘Thank God I have been spared an undue62 interest in love. At least the invert63 escapes this fearful struggle to give oneself to another. Lying with one’s own kind, enjoying an experience, one can still keep free the part of one’s mind which dwells in Plato, or gardening, or the differential calculus64. Sex has left the body and entered the imagination now; that is why Arnauti suffered so much with Justine, because she preyed65 upon all that he might have kept separate — his artist-hood if you like. He is when all is said and done a sort of minor Antony, and she a Cleo. You can read all about it in Shakespeare. And then, as far as Alexandria is concerned, you can understand why this is really a city of incest — I mean that here the cult37 of Serapis was founded. For this etiolation of the heart and reins66 in love-making must make one turn inwards upon one’s sister. The lover mirrors himself like Narcissus in his own family: there is no exit from the predicament.’ All this was not very comprehensible to me, yet vaguely67 I felt a sort of correspondence between the associations he employed; and certainly much of what he said seemed to — not explain, but to offer a frame to the picture of Justine — the dark, vehement68 creature in whose direct and energetic handwriting I had first read this quotation69 from Laforgue: ‘Je n’ai pas une jeune fille qui saurait me go.ter. Ah! oui, une garde-malade! Une garde-malade pour l’amour de l’art, ne donnant ses baisers qu’à des mourants, des gens in extremis….’ Under this she wrote: ‘Often quoted by A and at last discovered by accident in Laforgue.’ ‘Have you fallen out of love with Melissa?’ said Balthazar suddenly. ‘I do not know her. I have only seen her. Forgive me. I have hurt you.’ It was at this time that I was becoming aware of how much Melissa was suffering. But not a word of reproach ever escaped her lips, nor did she ever speak of Justine. But she had taken on a lacklustre, unloved colour — her very flesh; and paradoxically enough though I could hardly make love to her without an effort, yet I felt myself at this time to be more deeply in love with her than ever. I was gnawed70 by a confusion of feelings and a sense of frustration71 which I had never experienced before; it made me sometimes angry with her. It was so different from Justine, who was experiencing much the same confusion as myself between her ideas and her intentions, when she said: ‘Who invented the human heart, I wonder? Tell me, and then show me the place where he was hanged.’
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1
omission
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n.省略,删节;遗漏或省略的事物,冗长 | |
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2
evaluation
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n.估价,评价;赋值 | |
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platonic
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adj.精神的;柏拉图(哲学)的 | |
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mediator
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n.调解人,中介人 | |
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croaking
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v.呱呱地叫( croak的现在分词 );用粗的声音说 | |
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inversion
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n.反向,倒转,倒置 | |
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monstrous
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adj.巨大的;恐怖的;可耻的,丢脸的 | |
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8
hoof
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n.(马,牛等的)蹄 | |
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velvet
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n.丝绒,天鹅绒;adj.丝绒制的,柔软的 | |
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10
broth
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n.原(汁)汤(鱼汤、肉汤、菜汤等) | |
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11
cabal
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n.政治阴谋小集团 | |
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12
parable
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n.寓言,比喻 | |
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sophistry
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n.诡辩 | |
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14
underneath
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adj.在...下面,在...底下;adv.在下面 | |
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15
resonance
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n.洪亮;共鸣;共振 | |
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density
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n.密集,密度,浓度 | |
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17
vein
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n.血管,静脉;叶脉,纹理;情绪;vt.使成脉络 | |
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18
aphoristic
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警句(似)的,格言(似)的 | |
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19
minor
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adj.较小(少)的,较次要的;n.辅修学科;vi.辅修 | |
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oracle
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n.神谕,神谕处,预言 | |
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21
innate
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adj.天生的,固有的,天赋的 | |
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22
rue
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n.懊悔,芸香,后悔;v.后悔,悲伤,懊悔 | |
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23
cane
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n.手杖,细长的茎,藤条;v.以杖击,以藤编制的 | |
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24
alluded
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提及,暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25
dressing
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n.(食物)调料;包扎伤口的用品,敷料 | |
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26
alludes
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提及,暗指( allude的第三人称单数 ) | |
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27
spoke
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n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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28
underlay
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v.位于或存在于(某物)之下( underlie的过去式 );构成…的基础(或起因),引起n.衬垫物 | |
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29
tiresome
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adj.令人疲劳的,令人厌倦的 | |
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30
penetration
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n.穿透,穿人,渗透 | |
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31
exquisite
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adj.精美的;敏锐的;剧烈的,感觉强烈的 | |
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32
irony
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n.反语,冷嘲;具有讽刺意味的事,嘲弄 | |
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33
catching
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adj.易传染的,有魅力的,迷人的,接住 | |
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tepid
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adj.微温的,温热的,不太热心的 | |
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wryly
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adv. 挖苦地,嘲弄地 | |
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faculty
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n.才能;学院,系;(学院或系的)全体教学人员 | |
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37
cult
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n.异教,邪教;时尚,狂热的崇拜 | |
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38
bleak
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adj.(天气)阴冷的;凄凉的;暗淡的 | |
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39
dodging
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n.避开,闪过,音调改变v.闪躲( dodge的现在分词 );回避 | |
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40
gushes
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n.涌出,迸发( gush的名词复数 )v.喷,涌( gush的第三人称单数 );滔滔不绝地说话 | |
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41
skull
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n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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42
agitation
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n.搅动;搅拌;鼓动,煽动 | |
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43
stiffen
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v.(使)硬,(使)变挺,(使)变僵硬 | |
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44
crouched
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v.屈膝,蹲伏( crouch的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45
crouching
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v.屈膝,蹲伏( crouch的现在分词 ) | |
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46
symbolic
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adj.象征性的,符号的,象征主义的 | |
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47
sledge
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n.雪橇,大锤;v.用雪橇搬运,坐雪橇往 | |
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48
fermenting
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v.(使)发酵( ferment的现在分词 );(使)激动;骚动;骚扰 | |
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49
hoarsely
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adv.嘶哑地 | |
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50
despondently
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adv.沮丧地,意志消沉地 | |
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51
croaked
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v.呱呱地叫( croak的过去式和过去分词 );用粗的声音说 | |
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52
lodge
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v.临时住宿,寄宿,寄存,容纳;n.传达室,小旅馆 | |
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53
bouts
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n.拳击(或摔跤)比赛( bout的名词复数 );一段(工作);(尤指坏事的)一通;(疾病的)发作 | |
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54
intruded
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n.侵入的,推进的v.侵入,侵扰,打扰( intrude的过去式和过去分词 );把…强加于 | |
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55
underlying
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adj.在下面的,含蓄的,潜在的 | |
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56
dealing
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n.经商方法,待人态度 | |
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57
purely
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adv.纯粹地,完全地 | |
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58
artistic
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adj.艺术(家)的,美术(家)的;善于艺术创作的 | |
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59
smacked
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拍,打,掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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60
melodrama
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n.音乐剧;情节剧 | |
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61
frantic
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adj.狂乱的,错乱的,激昂的 | |
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62
undue
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adj.过分的;不适当的;未到期的 | |
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63
invert
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vt.使反转,使颠倒,使转化 | |
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64
calculus
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n.微积分;结石 | |
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65
preyed
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v.掠食( prey的过去式和过去分词 );掠食;折磨;(人)靠欺诈为生 | |
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66
reins
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感情,激情; 缰( rein的名词复数 ); 控制手段; 掌管; (成人带着幼儿走路以防其走失时用的)保护带 | |
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67
vaguely
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adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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68
vehement
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adj.感情强烈的;热烈的;(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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69
quotation
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n.引文,引语,语录;报价,牌价,行情 | |
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70
gnawed
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咬( gnaw的过去式和过去分词 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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frustration
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n.挫折,失败,失效,落空 | |
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