SOME ACCOUNT OF EATANSWILL; OF THESTATE OF PARTIES THEREIN; AND OF THEELECTION OF A MEMBER TO SERVE INPARLIAMENT FOR THAT ANCIENT, LOYAL,AND PATRIOTIC1 BOROUGHe will frankly3 acknowledge that, up to the period of ourbeing first immersed in the voluminous papers of thePickwick Club, we had never heard of Eatanswill; wewill with equal candour admit that we have in vain searched forproof of the actual existence of such a place at the present day.
Knowing the deep reliance to be placed on every note andstatement of Mr. Pickwick’s, and not presuming to set up ourrecollection against the recorded declarations of that great man,we have consulted every authority, bearing upon the subject, towhich we could possibly refer. We have traced every name inschedules A and B, without meeting with that of Eatanswill; wehave minutely examined every corner of the pocket county mapsissued for the benefit of society by our distinguished4 publishers,and the same result has attended our investigation5. We aretherefore led to believe that Mr. Pickwick, with that anxious desireto abstain6 from giving offence to any, and with those delicatefeelings for which all who knew him well know he was soeminently remarkable7, purposely substituted a fictitiousdesignation, for the real name of the place in which hisobservations were made. We are confirmed in this belief by a littlecircumstance, apparently8 slight and trivial in itself, but whenconsidered in this point of view, not undeserving of notice. In Mr.
Pickwick’s note-book, we can just trace an entry of the fact, thatthe places of himself and followers9 were booked by the Norwichcoach; but this entry was afterwards lined through, as if for thepurpose of concealing10 even the direction in which the borough2 issituated. We will not, therefore, hazard a guess upon the subject,but will at once proceed with this history, content with thematerials which its characters have provided for us.
It appears, then, that the Eatanswill people, like the people ofmany other small towns, considered themselves of the utmost andmost mighty11 importance, and that every man in Eatanswill,conscious of the weight that attached to his example, felt himselfbound to unite, heart and soul, with one of the two great partiesthat divided the town―the Blues12 and the Buffs. Now the Blueslost no opportunity of opposing the Buffs, and the Buffs lost noopportunity of opposing the Blues; and the consequence was, thatwhenever the Buffs and Blues met together at public meeting,town-hall, fair, or market, disputes and high words arose betweenthem. With these dissensions it is almost superfluous13 to say thateverything in Eatanswill was made a party question. If the Buffsproposed to new skylight the market-place, the Blues got uppublic meetings, and denounced the proceeding14; if the Bluesproposed the erection of an additional pump in the High Street,the Buffs rose as one man and stood aghast at the enormity. Therewere Blue shops and Buff shops, Blue inns and Buff inns―therewas a Blue aisle15 and a Buff aisle in the very church itself.
Of course it was essentially16 and indispensably necessary thateach of these powerful parties should have its chosen organ andrepresentative: and, accordingly, there were two newspapers inthe town―the Eatanswill Gazette and the EatanswillIndependent; the former advocating Blue principles, and the latterconducted on grounds decidedly Buff. Fine newspapers they were.
Such leading articles, and such spirited attacks!―‘Our worthlesscontemporary, the Gazette’―‘That disgraceful and dastardlyjournal, the Independent’―‘That false and scurrilous18 print, theIndependent’―‘That vile19 and slanderous20 calumniator21, theGazette;’ these, and other spirit-stirring denunciations, werestrewn plentifully22 over the columns of each, in every number, andexcited feelings of the most intense delight and indignation in thebosoms of the townspeople.
Mr. Pickwick, with his usual foresight23 and sagacity, had chosena peculiarly desirable moment for his visit to the borough. Neverwas such a contest known. The Honourable24 Samuel Slumkey, ofSlumkey Hall, was the Blue candidate; and Horatio Fizkin, Esq., ofFizkin Lodge25, near Eatanswill, had been prevailed upon by hisfriends to stand forward on the Buff interest. The Gazette warnedthe electors of Eatanswill that the eyes not only of England, but ofthe whole civilised world, were upon them; and the Independentimperatively demanded to know, whether the constituency ofEatanswill were the grand fellows they had always taken them for,or base and servile tools, undeserving alike of the name ofEnglishmen and the blessings26 of freedom. Never had such acommotion agitated27 the town before.
It was late in the evening when Mr. Pickwick and hiscompanions, assisted by Sam, dismounted from the roof of theEatanswill coach. Large blue silk flags were flying from thewindows of the Town Arms Inn, and bills were posted in everysash, intimating, in gigantic letters, that the Honourable SamuelSlumkey’s committee sat there daily. A crowd of idlers wereassembled in the road, looking at a hoarse28 man in the balcony,who was apparently talking himself very red in the face in Mr.
Slumkey’s behalf; but the force and point of whose argumentswere somewhat impaired29 by the perpetual beating of four largedrums which Mr. Fizkin’s committee had stationed at the streetcorner. There was a busy little man beside him, though, who tookoff his hat at intervals30 and motioned to the people to cheer, whichthey regularly did, most enthusiastically; and as the red-facedgentleman went on talking till he was redder in the face than ever,it seemed to answer his purpose quite as well as if anybody hadheard him.
The Pickwickians had no sooner dismounted than they weresurrounded by a branch mob of the honest and independent, whoforthwith set up three deafening31 cheers, which being responded toby the main body (for it’s not at all necessary for a crowd to knowwhat they are cheering about), swelled32 into a tremendous roar oftriumph, which stopped even the red-faced man in the balcony.
‘Hurrah!’ shouted the mob, in conclusion.
‘One cheer more,’ screamed the little fugleman in the balcony,and out shouted the mob again, as if lungs were cast-iron, withsteel works.
‘Slumkey for ever!’ roared the honest and independent.
‘Slumkey for ever!’ echoed Mr. Pickwick, taking off his hat. ‘NoFizkin!’ roared the crowd.
‘Certainly not!’ shouted Mr. Pickwick. ‘Hurrah!’ And then therewas another roaring, like that of a whole menagerie when theelephant has rung the bell for the cold meat.
‘Who is Slumkey?’ whispered Mr. Tupman.
‘I don’t know,’ replied Mr. Pickwick, in the same tone. ‘Hush.
Don’t ask any questions. It’s always best on these occasions to dowhat the mob do.’
‘But suppose there are two mobs?’ suggested Mr. Snodgrass.
‘Shout with the largest,’ replied Mr. Pickwick.
Volumes could not have said more.
They entered the house, the crowd opening right and left to letthem pass, and cheering vociferously33. The first object ofconsideration was to secure quarters for the night.
‘Can we have beds here?’ inquired Mr. Pickwick, summoningthe waiter.
‘Don’t know, sir,’ replied the man; ‘afraid we’re full, sir―I’llinquire, sir.’ Away he went for that purpose, and presentlyreturned, to ask whether the gentleman were ‘Blue.’
As neither Mr. Pickwick nor his companions took any vitalinterest in the cause of either candidate, the question was rather adifficult one to answer. In this dilemma34 Mr. Pickwick bethoughthimself of his new friend, Mr. Perker.
‘Do you know a gentleman of the name of Perker?’ inquired Mr.
Pickwick.
‘Certainly, sir; Honourable Mr. Samuel Slumkey’s agent.’
‘He is Blue, I think?’
‘Oh, yes, sir.’
‘Then we are Blue,’ said Mr. Pickwick; but observing that theman looked rather doubtful at this accommodatingannouncement, he gave him his card, and desired him to presentit to Mr. Perker forthwith, if he should happen to be in the house.
The waiter retired35; and reappearing almost immediately with arequest that Mr. Pickwick would follow him, led the way to a largeroom on the first floor, where, seated at a long table covered withbooks and papers, was Mr. Perker.
‘Ah―ah, my dear sir,’ said the little man, advancing to meethim; ‘very happy to see you, my dear sir, very. Pray sit down. Soyou have carried your intention into effect. You have come downhere to see an election―eh?’ Mr. Pickwick replied in theaffirmative.
‘Spirited contest, my dear sir,’ said the little man.
‘I’m delighted to hear it,’ said Mr. Pickwick, rubbing his hands.
‘I like to see sturdy patriotism37, on whatever side it is called forth―and so it’s a spirited contest?’
‘Oh, yes,’ said the little man, ‘very much so indeed. We haveopened all the public-houses in the place, and left our adversarynothing but the beer-shops-masterly stroke of policy that, my dearsir, eh?’ The little man smiled complacently38, and took a largepinch of snuff.
‘And what are the probabilities as to the result of the contest?’
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
‘Why, doubtful, my dear sir; rather doubtful as yet,’ replied thelittle man. ‘Fizkin’s people have got three-and-thirty voters in thelock-up coach-house at the White Hart.’
‘In the coach-house!’ said Mr. Pickwick, considerablyastonished by this second stroke of policy.
‘They keep ’em locked up there till they want ’em,’ resumed thelittle man. ‘The effect of that is, you see, to prevent our getting atthem; and even if we could, it would be of no use, for they keepthem very drunk on purpose. Smart fellow Fizkin’s agent―verysmart fellow indeed.’
Mr. Pickwick stared, but said nothing.
‘We are pretty confident, though,’ said Mr. Perker, sinking hisvoice almost to a whisper. ‘We had a little tea-party here, lastnight―five-and-forty women, my dear sir―and gave every one of’em a green parasol when she went away.’
‘A parasol!’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Fact, my dear sir, fact. Five-and-forty green parasols, at sevenand sixpence a-piece. All women like finery―extraordinary theeffect of those parasols. Secured all their husbands, and half theirbrothers―beats stockings, and flannel39, and all that sort of thinghollow. My idea, my dear sir, entirely40. Hail, rain, or sunshine, youcan’t walk half a dozen yards up the street, without encounteringhalf a dozen green parasols.’
Here the little man indulged in a convulsion of mirth, whichwas only checked by the entrance of a third party.
This was a tall, thin man, with a sandy-coloured head inclinedto baldness, and a face in which solemn importance was blendedwith a look of unfathomable profundity41. He was dressed in a longbrown surtout, with a black cloth waistcoat, and drab trousers. Adouble eyeglass dangled42 at his waistcoat; and on his head he worea very low-crowned hat with a broad brim. The new-comer wasintroduced to Mr. Pickwick as Mr. Pott, the editor of theEatanswill Gazette. After a few preliminary remarks, Mr. Pottturned round to Mr. Pickwick, and said with solemnity―‘This contest excites great interest in the metropolis43, sir?’
‘I believe it does,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘To which I have reason to know,’ said Pott, looking towardsMr. Perker for corroboration―‘to which I have reason to knowthat my article of last Saturday in some degree contributed.’
‘Not the least doubt of it,’ said the little man.
‘The press is a mighty engine, sir,’ said Pott.
Mr. Pickwick yielded his fullest assent44 to the proposition.
‘But I trust, sir,’ said Pott, ‘that I have never abused theenormous power I wield45. I trust, sir, that I have never pointed46 thenoble instrument which is placed in my hands, against the sacredbosom of private life, or the tender breast of individual reputation;I trust, sir, that I have devoted47 my energies to―to endeavours―humble48 they may be, humble I know they are―to instil49 thoseprinciples of―which―are―’
Here the editor of the Eatanswill Gazette, appearing to ramble,Mr. Pickwick came to his relief, and said―‘Certainly.’
‘And what, sir,’ said Pott―‘what, sir, let me ask you as animpartial man, is the state of the public mind in London, withreference to my contest with the Independent?’
‘Greatly excited, no doubt,’ interposed Mr. Perker, with a lookof slyness which was very likely accidental.
‘The contest,’ said Pott, ‘shall be prolonged so long as I havehealth and strength, and that portion of talent with which I amgifted. From that contest, sir, although it may unsettle men’sminds and excite their feelings, and render them incapable51 for thedischarge of the everyday duties of ordinary life; from that contest,sir, I will never shrink, till I have set my heel upon the EatanswillIndependent. I wish the people of London, and the people of thiscountry to know, sir, that they may rely upon me―that I will notdesert them, that I am resolved to stand by them, sir, to the last.’
‘Your conduct is most noble, sir,’ said Mr. Pickwick; and hegrasped the hand of the magnanimous Pott. ‘You are, sir, Iperceive, a man of sense and talent,’ said Mr. Pott, almostbreathless with the vehemence52 of his patriotic declaration. ‘I ammost happy, sir, to make the acquaintance of such a man.’
‘And I,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘feel deeply honoured by thisexpression of your opinion. Allow me, sir, to introduce you to myfellow-travellers, the other corresponding members of the club Iam proud to have founded.’
‘I shall be delighted,’ said Mr. Pott.
Mr. Pickwick withdrew, and returning with his friends,presented them in due form to the editor of the EatanswillGazette.
‘Now, my dear Pott,’ said little Mr. Perker, ‘the question is,what are we to do with our friends here?’
‘We can stop in this house, I suppose,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Not a spare bed in the house, my dear sir―not a single bed.’
‘Extremely awkward,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Very,’ said his fellow-voyagers.
‘I have an idea upon this subject,’ said Mr. Pott, ‘which I thinkmay be very successfully adopted. They have two beds at thePeacock, and I can boldly say, on behalf of Mrs. Pott, that she willbe delighted to accommodate Mr. Pickwick and any one of hisfriends, if the other two gentlemen and their servant do not objectto shifting, as they best can, at the Peacock.’
After repeated pressings on the part of Mr. Pott, and repeatedprotestations on that of Mr. Pickwick that he could not think ofincommoding or troubling his amiable53 wife, it was decided17 that itwas the only feasible arrangement that could be made. So it wasmade; and after dinner together at the Town Arms, the friendsseparated, Mr. Tupman and Mr. Snodgrass repairing to thePeacock, and Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Winkle proceeding to themansion of Mr. Pott; it having been previously54 arranged that theyshould all reassemble at the Town Arms in the morning, andaccompany the Honourable Samuel Slumkey’s procession to theplace of nomination55.
Mr. Pott’s domestic circle was limited to himself and his wife.
All men whom mighty genius has raised to a proud eminence56 inthe world, have usually some little weakness which appears themore conspicuous57 from the contrast it presents to their generalcharacter. If Mr. Pott had a weakness, it was, perhaps, that he wasrather too submissive to the somewhat contemptuous control andsway of his wife. We do not feel justified58 in laying any particularstress upon the fact, because on the present occasion all Mrs.
Pott’s most winning ways were brought into requisition to receivethe two gentlemen.
‘My dear,’ said Mr. Pott, ‘Mr. Pickwick―Mr. Pickwick ofLondon.’
Mrs. Pott received Mr. Pickwick’s paternal59 grasp of the handwith enchanting60 sweetness; and Mr. Winkle, who had not beenannounced at all, sidled and bowed, unnoticed, in an obscurecorner.
‘P. my dear’―said Mrs. Pott.
‘My life,’ said Mr. Pott.
‘Pray introduce the other gentleman.’
‘I beg a thousand pardons,’ said Mr. Pott. ‘Permit me, Mrs. Pott,Mr.―’
‘Winkle,’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Winkle,’ echoed Mr. Pott; and the ceremony of introductionwas complete.
‘We owe you many apologies, ma’am,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘fordisturbing your domestic arrangements at so short a notice.’
‘I beg you won’t mention it, sir,’ replied the feminine Pott, withvivacity. ‘It is a high treat to me, I assure you, to see any new faces;living as I do, from day to day, and week to week, in this dull place,and seeing nobody.’
‘Nobody, my dear!’ exclaimed Mr. Pott archly.
‘Nobody but you,’ retorted Mrs. Pott, with asperity61.
‘You see, Mr. Pickwick,’ said the host in explanation of hiswife’s lament62, ‘that we are in some measure cut off from manyenjoyments and pleasures of which we might otherwise partake.
My public station, as editor of the Eatanswill Gazette, the positionwhich that paper holds in the country, my constant immersion63 inthe vortex of politics―’
‘P. my dear―’ interposed Mrs. Pott.
‘My life―’ said the editor.
‘I wish, my dear, you would endeavour to find some topic ofconversation in which these gentlemen might take some rationalinterest.’
‘But, my love,’ said Mr. Pott, with great humility64, ‘Mr. Pickwickdoes take an interest in it.’
‘It’s well for him if he can,’ said Mrs. Pott emphatically; ‘I amwearied out of my life with your politics, and quarrels with theIndependent, and nonsense. I am quite astonished, P., at yourmaking such an exhibition of your absurdity65.’
‘But, my dear―’ said Mr. Pott.
‘Oh, nonsense, don’t talk to me,’ said Mrs. Pott. ‘Do you playecarté, sir?’
‘I shall be very happy to learn under your tuition,’ replied Mr.
Winkle.
‘Well, then, draw that little table into this window, and let meget out of hearing of those prosy politics.’
‘Jane,’ said Mr. Pott, to the servant who brought in candles, ‘godown into the office, and bring me up the file of the Gazette foreighteen hundred and twenty-six. I’ll read you,’ added the editor,turning to Mr. Pickwick―‘I’ll just read you a few of the leaders Iwrote at that time upon the Buff job of appointing a new tollmanto the turnpike here; I rather think they’ll amuse you.’
‘I should like to hear them very much indeed,’ said Mr.
Pickwick.
Up came the file, and down sat the editor, with Mr. Pickwick athis side.
We have in vain pored over the leaves of Mr. Pickwick’s note-book, in the hope of meeting with a general summary of thesebeautiful compositions. We have every reason to believe that hewas perfectly66 enraptured67 with the vigour68 and freshness of thestyle; indeed Mr. Winkle has recorded the fact that his eyes wereclosed, as if with excess of pleasure, during the whole time of theirperusal.
The announcement of supper put a stop both to the game ofecarté, and the recapitulation of the beauties of the EatanswillGazette. Mrs. Pott was in the highest spirits and the mostagreeable humour. Mr. Winkle had already made considerableprogress in her good opinion, and she did not hesitate to informhim, confidentially69, that Mr. Pickwick was ‘a delightful70 old dear.’
These terms convey a familiarity of expression, in which few ofthose who were intimately acquainted with that colossal-mindedman, would have presumed to indulge. We have preserved them,nevertheless, as affording at once a touching71 and a convincingproof of the estimation in which he was held by every class ofsociety, and the case with which he made his way to their heartsand feelings.
It was a late hour of the night―long after Mr. Tupman and Mr.
Snodgrass had fallen asleep in the inmost recesses72 of thePeacock―when the two friends retired to rest. Slumber73 soon fellupon the senses of Mr. Winkle, but his feelings had been excited,and his admiration74 roused; and for many hours after sleep hadrendered him insensible to earthly objects, the face and figure ofthe agreeable Mrs. Pott presented themselves again and again tohis wandering imagination.
The noise and bustle75 which ushered76 in the morning weresufficient to dispel77 from the mind of the most romantic visionaryin existence, any associations but those which were immediatelyconnected with the rapidly-approaching election. The beating ofdrums, the blowing of horns and trumpets78, the shouting of men,and tramping of horses, echoed and re―echoed through thestreets from the earliest dawn of day; and an occasional fightbetween the light skirmishers of either party at once enlivened thepreparations, and agreeably diversified79 their character. ‘Well,Sam,’ said Mr. Pickwick, as his valet appeared at his bedroomdoor, just as he was concluding his toilet; ‘all alive to-day, Isuppose?’
‘Reg’lar game, sir,’ replied Mr. Weller; ‘our people’s a-collectingdown at the Town Arms, and they’re a-hollering themselveshoarse already.’
‘Ah,’ said Mr. Pickwick, ‘do they seem devoted to their party,Sam?’
‘Never see such dewotion in my life, sir.’
‘Energetic, eh?’ said Mr. Pickwick.
‘Uncommon,’ replied Sam; ‘I never see men eat and drink somuch afore. I wonder they ain’t afeer’d o’ bustin’.’
‘That’s the mistaken kindness of the gentry80 here,’ said Mr.
Pickwick.
‘Wery likely,’ replied Sam briefly81.
‘Fine, fresh, hearty82 fellows they seem,’ said Mr. Pickwick,glancing from the window.
‘Wery fresh,’ replied Sam; ‘me and the two waiters at thePeacock has been a-pumpin’ over the independent woters assupped there last night.’
‘Pumping over independent voters!’ exclaimed Mr. Pickwick.
‘Yes,’ said his attendant, ‘every man slept vere he fell down; wedragged ’em out, one by one, this mornin’, and put ’em under thepump, and they’re in reg’lar fine order now. Shillin’ a head thecommittee paid for that ’ere job.’
‘Can such things be!’ exclaimed the astonished Mr. Pickwick.
‘Lord bless your heart, sir,’ said Sam, ‘why where was you halfbaptised?―that’s nothin’, that ain’t.’
‘Nothing?’ said Mr. Pickwick. ‘Nothin’ at all, sir,’ replied hisattendant. ‘The night afore the last day o’ the last election here,the opposite party bribed83 the barmaid at the Town Arms, to hocusthe brandy-and-water of fourteen unpolled electors as was a-stoppin’ in the house.’
‘What do you mean by “hocussing” brandy-and-water?’
inquired Mr. Pickwick.
‘Puttin’ laud’num in it,’ replied Sam. ‘Blessed if she didn’t send ’em all to sleep till twelve hours arter the election was over. Theytook one man up to the booth, in a truck, fast asleep, by way ofexperiment, but it was no go―they wouldn’t poll him; so theybrought him back, and put him to bed again.’
‘Strange practices, these,’ said Mr. Pickwick; half speaking tohimself and half addressing Sam.
‘Not half so strange as a miraculous84 circumstance as happenedto my own father, at an election time, in this wery place, sir,’
replied Sam.
‘What was that?’ inquired Mr. Pickwick.
‘Why, he drove a coach down here once,’ said Sam; ‘’lectiontime came on, and he was engaged by vun party to bring downwoters from London. Night afore he was going to drive up,committee on t’ other side sends for him quietly, and away he goesvith the messenger, who shows him in;―large room―lots ofgen’l’m’n―heaps of papers, pens and ink, and all that ’ere. “Ah,Mr. Weller,” says the gen’l’m’n in the chair, “glad to see you, sir;how are you?”―“Wery well, thank’ee, sir,” says my father; “I hopeyou’re pretty middlin,” says he.―“Pretty well, thank’ee, sir,” saysthe gen’l’m’n; “sit down, Mr. Weller―pray sit down, sir.” So myfather sits down, and he and the gen’l’m’n looks wery hard at eachother. “You don’t remember me?” said the gen’l’m’n.―“Can’t sayI do,” says my father.―“Oh, I know you,” says the gen’l’m’n:
“know’d you when you was a boy,” says he.―“Well, I don’tremember you,” says my father.―“That’s wery odd,” says thegen’l’m’n.”―“Wery,” says my father.―“You must have a badmem’ry, Mr. Weller,” says the gen’l’m’n.―“Well, it is a wery bad’un,” says my father.―“I thought so,” says the gen’l’m’n. So thenthey pours him out a glass of wine, and gammons him about hisdriving, and gets him into a reg’lar good humour, and at lastshoves a twenty-pound note into his hand. “It’s a wery bad roadbetween this and London,” says the gen’l’m’n.―“Here and there itis a heavy road,” says my father.―“’Specially near the canal, Ithink,” says the gen’l’m’n.―“Nasty bit that ’ere,” says my father.―“Well, Mr. Weller,” says the gen’l’m’n, “you’re a wery good whip,and can do what you like with your horses, we know. We’re allwery fond o’ you, Mr. Weller, so in case you should have anaccident when you’re bringing these here woters down, and shouldtip ’em over into the canal vithout hurtin’ of ’em, this is foryourself,” says he.―“Gen’l’m’n, you’re wery kind,” says my father,“and I’ll drink your health in another glass of wine,” says he; vichhe did, and then buttons up the money, and bows himself out. Youwouldn’t believe, sir,’ continued Sam, with a look of inexpressibleimpudence at his master, ‘that on the wery day as he came downwith them woters, his coach was upset on that ’ere wery spot, andev’ry man on ’em was turned into the canal.’
‘And got out again?’ inquired Mr. Pickwick hastily.
‘Why,’ replied Sam very slowly, ‘I rather think one old gen’l’m’nwas missin’; I know his hat was found, but I ain’t quite certainwhether his head was in it or not. But what I look at is the hex-traordinary and wonderful coincidence, that arter what thatgen’l’m’n said, my father’s coach should be upset in that weryplace, and on that wery day!’
‘It is, no doubt, a very extraordinary circumstance indeed,’ saidMr. Pickwick. ‘But brush my hat, Sam, for I hear Mr. Winklecalling me to breakfast.’
With these words Mr. Pickwick descended86 to the parlour,where he found breakfast laid, and the family already assembled.
The meal was hastily despatched; each of the gentlemen’s hatswas decorated with an enormous blue favour, made up by the fairhands of Mrs. Pott herself; and as Mr. Winkle had undertaken toescort that lady to a house-top, in the immediate36 vicinity of thehustings, Mr. Pickwick and Mr. Pott repaired alone to the TownArms, from the back window of which, one of Mr. Slumkey’scommittee was addressing six small boys and one girl, whom hedignified, at every second sentence, with the imposing88 title of ‘Menof Eatanswill,’ whereat the six small boys aforesaid cheeredprodigiously.
The stable-yard exhibited unequivocal symptoms of the gloryand strength of the Eatanswill Blues. There was a regular army ofblue flags, some with one handle, and some with two, exhibitingappropriate devices, in golden characters four feet high, and stoutin proportion. There was a grand band of trumpets, bassoons, anddrums, marshalled four abreast89, and earning their money, if evermen did, especially the drum-beaters, who were very muscular.
There were bodies of constables90 with blue staves, twentycommittee-men with blue scarfs, and a mob of voters with bluecockades. There were electors on horseback and electors afoot.
There was an open carriage-and-four, for the Honourable SamuelSlumkey; and there were four carriage-and-pair, for his friendsand supporters; and the flags were rustling91, and the band wasplaying, and the constables were swearing, and the twentycommittee-men were squabbling, and the mob were shouting, andthe horses were backing, and the post-boys perspiring92; andeverybody, and everything, then and there assembled, was for thespecial use, behoof, honour, and renown93, of the HonourableSamuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, one of the candidates for therepresentation of the borough of Eatanswill, in the CommonsHouse of Parliament of the United Kingdom. Loud and long werethe cheers, and mighty was the rustling of one of the blue flags,with ‘Liberty of the Press’ inscribed94 thereon, when the sandy headof Mr. Pott was discerned in one of the windows, by the mobbeneath; and tremendous was the enthusiasm when theHonourable Samuel Slumkey himself, in top-boots, and a blueneckerchief, advanced and seized the hand of the said Pott, andmelodramatically testified by gestures to the crowd, hisineffaceable obligations to the Eatanswill Gazette.
‘Is everything ready?’ said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey toMr. Perker.
‘Everything, my dear sir,’ was the little man’s reply.
‘Nothing has been omitted, I hope?’said the HonourableSamuel Slumkey.
‘Nothing has been left undone95, my dear sir―nothing whatever.
There are twenty washed men at the street door for you to shakehands with; and six children in arms that you’re to pat on thehead, and inquire the age of; be particular about the children, mydear sir―it has always a great effect, that sort of thing.’
‘I’ll take care,’ said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey.
‘And, perhaps, my dear sir,’ said the cautious little man,‘perhaps if you could―I don’t mean to say it’s indispensable―butif you could manage to kiss one of ’em, it would produce a verygreat impression on the crowd.’
‘Wouldn’t it have as good an effect if the proposer or seconderdid that?’ said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey.
‘Why, I am afraid it wouldn’t,’ replied the agent; ‘if it were doneby yourself, my dear sir, I think it would make you very popular.’
‘Very well,’ said the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, with aresigned air, ‘then it must be done. That’s all.’
‘Arrange the procession,’ cried the twenty committee-men.
Amidst the cheers of the assembled throng96, the band, and theconstables, and the committee-men, and the voters, and thehorsemen, and the carriages, took their places―each of the two-horse vehicles being closely packed with as many gentlemen ascould manage to stand upright in it; and that assigned to Mr.
Perker, containing Mr. Pickwick, Mr. Tupman, Mr. Snodgrass,and about half a dozen of the committee besides.
There was a moment of awful suspense97 as the processionwaited for the Honourable Samuel Slumkey to step into hiscarriage. Suddenly the crowd set up a great cheering.
‘He has come out,’ said little Mr. Perker, greatly excited; themore so as their position did not enable them to see what wasgoing forward.
Another cheer, much louder.
‘He has shaken hands with the men,’ cried the little agent.
Another cheer, far more vehement98.
‘He has patted the babies on the head,’ said Mr. Perker,trembling with anxiety.
A roar of applause that rent the air.
‘He has kissed one of ‘em!’ exclaimed the delighted little man.
A second roar.
‘He has kissed another,’ gasped99 the excited manager.
A third roar.
‘He’s kissing ’em all!’ screamed the enthusiastic littlegentleman, and hailed by the deafening shouts of the multitude,the procession moved on.
How or by what means it became mixed up with the otherprocession, and how it was ever extricated100 from the confusionconsequent thereupon, is more than we can undertake to describe,inasmuch as Mr. Pickwick’s hat was knocked over his eyes, nose,and mouth, by one poke101 of a Buff flag-staff, very early in theproceedings. He describes himself as being surrounded on everyside, when he could catch a glimpse of the scene, by angry andferocious countenances104, by a vast cloud of dust, and by a densecrowd of combatants. He represents himself as being forced fromthe carriage by some unseen power, and being personally engagedin a pugilistic encounter; but with whom, or how, or why, he iswholly unable to state. He then felt himself forced up somewooden steps by the persons from behind; and on removing hishat, found himself surrounded by his friends, in the very front ofthe left hand side of the hustings87. The right was reserved for theBuff party, and the centre for the mayor and his officers; one ofwhom―the fat crier of Eatanswill―was ringing an enormous bell,by way of commanding silence, while Mr. Horatio Fizkin, and theHonourable Samuel Slumkey, with their hands upon their hearts,were bowing with the utmost affability to the troubled sea of headsthat inundated105 the open space in front; and from whence arose astorm of groans106, and shouts, and yells, and hootings, that wouldhave done honour to an earthquake.
‘There’s Winkle,’ said Mr. Tupman, pulling his friend by thesleeve.
‘Where!’ said Mr. Pickwick, putting on his spectacles, which hehad fortunately kept in his pocket hitherto. ‘There,’ said Mr.
Tupman, ‘on the top of that house.’ And there, sure enough, in theleaden gutter107 of a tiled roof, were Mr. Winkle and Mrs. Pott,comfortably seated in a couple of chairs, waving theirhandkerchiefs in token of recognition―a compliment which Mr.
Pickwick returned by kissing his hand to the lady.
The proceedings102 had not yet commenced; and as an inactivecrowd is generally disposed to be jocose108, this very innocent actionwas sufficient to awaken109 their facetiousness110.
‘Oh, you wicked old rascal,’ cried one voice, ‘looking arter thegirls, are you?’
‘Oh, you wenerable sinner,’ cried another.
‘Putting on his spectacles to look at a married ’ooman!’ said athird.
‘I see him a-winkin’ at her, with his wicked old eye,’ shouted afourth.
‘Look arter your wife, Pott,’ bellowed111 a fifth―and then therewas a roar of laughter.
As these taunts112 were accompanied with invidious comparisonsbetween Mr. Pickwick and an aged85 ram50, and several witticisms113 ofthe like nature; and as they moreover rather tended to conveyreflections upon the honour of an innocent lady, Mr. Pickwick’sindignation was excessive; but as silence was proclaimed at themoment, he contented114 himself by scorching115 the mob with a look ofpity for their misguided minds, at which they laughed moreboisterously than ever.
‘Silence!’ roared the mayor’s attendants.
‘Whiffin, proclaim silence,’ said the mayor, with an air of pompbefitting his lofty station. In obedience116 to this command the crierperformed another concerto117 on the bell, whereupon a gentlemanin the crowd called out ‘Muffins’; which occasioned another laugh.
‘Gentlemen,’ said the mayor, at as loud a pitch as he couldpossibly force his voice to―‘gentlemen. Brother electors of theborough of Eatanswill. We are met here to-day for the purpose ofchoosing a representative in the room of our late―’
Here the mayor was interrupted by a voice in the crowd.
‘Suc-cess to the mayor!’ cried the voice, ‘and may he neverdesert the nail and sarspan business, as he got his money by.’
This allusion118 to the professional pursuits of the orator119 wasreceived with a storm of delight, which, with a bell-accompaniment, rendered the remainder of his speech inaudible,with the exception of the concluding sentence, in which hethanked the meeting for the patient attention with which theyheard him throughout―an expression of gratitude120 which elicitedanother burst of mirth, of about a quarter of an hour’s duration.
Next, a tall, thin gentleman, in a very stiff white neckerchief,after being repeatedly desired by the crowd to ‘send a boy home,to ask whether he hadn’t left his voice under the pillow,’ begged tonominate a fit and proper person to represent them in Parliament.
And when he said it was Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge,near Eatanswill, the Fizkinites applauded, and the Slumkeyitesgroaned, so long, and so loudly, that both he and the secondermight have sung comic songs in lieu of speaking, withoutanybody’s being a bit the wiser.
The friends of Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, having had theirinnings, a little choleric121, pink-faced man stood forward to proposeanother fit and proper person to represent the electors ofEatanswill in Parliament; and very swimmingly the pink-facedgentleman would have got on, if he had not been rather toocholeric to entertain a sufficient perception of the fun of thecrowd. But after a very few sentences of figurative eloquence122, thepink-faced gentleman got from denouncing those who interruptedhim in the mob, to exchanging defiances with the gentlemen onthe hustings; whereupon arose an uproar123 which reduced him tothe necessity of expressing his feelings by serious pantomime,which he did, and then left the stage to his seconder, whodelivered a written speech of half an hour’s length, and wouldn’tbe stopped, because he had sent it all to the Eatanswill Gazette,and the Eatanswill Gazette had already printed it, every word.
Then Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge, near Eatanswill,presented himself for the purpose of addressing the electors;which he no sooner did, than the band employed by theHonourable Samuel Slumkey, commenced performing with apower to which their strength in the morning was a trifle; inreturn for which, the Buff crowd belaboured the heads andshoulders of the Blue crowd; on which the Blue crowdendeavoured to dispossess themselves of their very unpleasantneighbours the Buff crowd; and a scene of struggling, andpushing, and fighting, succeeded, to which we can no more dojustice than the mayor could, although he issued imperativeorders to twelve constables to seize the ringleaders, who mightamount in number to two hundred and fifty, or thereabouts. At allthese encounters, Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge, andhis friends, waxed fierce and furious; until at last Horatio Fizkin,Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge, begged to ask his opponent, theHonourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, whether that bandplayed by his consent; which question the Honoura ble SamuelSlumkey declining to answer, Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, of FizkinLodge, shook his fist in the countenance103 of the HonourableSamuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall; upon which the HonourableSamuel Slumkey, his blood being up, defied Horatio Fizkin,Esquire, to mortal combat. At this violation124 of all known rules andprecedents of order, the mayor commanded another fantasia onthe bell, and declared that he would bring before himself, bothHoratio Fizkin, Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge, and the HonourableSamuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, and bind125 them over to keep thepeace. Upon this terrific denunciation, the supporters of the twocandidates interfered126, and after the friends of each party hadquarrelled in pairs, for three-quarters of an hour, Horatio Fizkin,Esquire, touched his hat to the Honourable Samuel Slumkey; theHonourable Samuel Slumkey touched his to Horatio Fizkin,Esquire; the band was stopped; the crowd were partially127 quieted;and Horatio Fizkin, Esquire, was permitted to proceed.
The speeches of the two candidates, though differing in everyother respect, afforded a beautiful tribute to the merit and highworth of the electors of Eatanswill. Both expressed their opinionthat a more independent, a more enlightened, a more public-spirited, a more noble-minded, a more disinterested128 set of menthan those who had promised to vote for him, never existed onearth; each darkly hinted his suspicions that the electors in theopposite interest had certain swinish and besotted infirmitieswhich rendered them unfit for the exercise of the important dutiesthey were called upon to discharge. Fizkin expressed his readinessto do anything he was wanted: Slumkey, his determination to donothing that was asked of him. Both said that the trade, themanufactures, the commerce, the prosperity of Eatanswill, wouldever be dearer to their hearts than any earthly object; and eachhad it in his power to state, with the utmost confidence, that hewas the man who would eventually be returned.
There was a show of hands; the mayor decided in favour of theHonourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall. Horatio Fizkin,Esquire, of Fizkin Lodge, demanded a poll, and a poll was fixedaccordingly. Then a vote of thanks was moved to the mayor for hisable conduct in the chair; and the mayor, devoutly129 wishing that hehad had a chair to display his able conduct in (for he had beenstanding during the whole proceedings), returned thanks. Theprocessions reformed, the carriages rolled slowly through thecrowd, and its members screeched130 and shouted after them as theirfeelings or caprice dictated131.
During the whole time of the polling, the town was in aperpetual fever of excitement. Everything was conducted on themost liberal and delightful scale. Excisable articles wereremarkably cheap at all the public-houses; and spring vansparaded the streets for the accommodation of voters who wereseized with any temporary dizziness in the head―an epidemicwhich prevailed among the electors, during the contest, to a mostalarming extent, and under the influence of which they mightfrequently be seen lying on the pavements in a state of utterinsensibility. A small body of electors remained unpolled on thevery last day. They were calculating and reflecting persons, whohad not yet been convinced by the arguments of either party,although they had frequent conferences with each. One hourbefore the close of the poll, Mr. Perker solicited132 the honour of aprivate interview with these intelligent, these noble, thesepatriotic men. it was granted. His arguments were brief butsatisfactory. They went in a body to the poll; and when theyreturned, the Honourable Samuel Slumkey, of Slumkey Hall, wasreturned also.
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patriotic
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| adj.爱国的，有爱国心的 | |
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borough
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| n.享有自治权的市镇；(英)自治市镇 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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abstain
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| v.自制，戒绝，弃权，避免 | |
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remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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apparently
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| adv.显然地；表面上，似乎 | |
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followers
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| 追随者( follower的名词复数 )； 用户； 契据的附面； 从动件 | |
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concealing
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| v.隐藏，隐瞒，遮住( conceal的现在分词 ) | |
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mighty
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| adj.强有力的；巨大的 | |
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blues
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| n.抑郁，沮丧；布鲁斯音乐 | |
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superfluous
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| adj.过多的，过剩的，多余的 | |
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proceeding
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| n.行动，进行，(pl.)会议录，学报 | |
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aisle
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| n.（教堂、教室、戏院等里的）过道，通道 | |
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essentially
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| adv.本质上，实质上，基本上 | |
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decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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scurrilous
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| adj.下流的，恶意诽谤的 | |
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vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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slanderous
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| adj.诽谤的，中伤的 | |
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calumniator
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| n.中伤者，诽谤者 | |
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plentifully
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| adv. 许多地，丰饶地 | |
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foresight
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| n.先见之明，深谋远虑 | |
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honourable
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| adj.可敬的；荣誉的，光荣的 | |
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lodge
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| v.临时住宿，寄宿，寄存，容纳；n.传达室，小旅馆 | |
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blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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hoarse
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| adj.嘶哑的，沙哑的 | |
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impaired
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| adj.受损的；出毛病的；有（身体或智力）缺陷的v.损害，削弱( impair的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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intervals
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| n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 )；间隔时间；[数学]区间；（戏剧、电影或音乐会的）幕间休息 | |
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deafening
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| adj. 振耳欲聋的, 极喧闹的 动词deafen的现在分词形式 | |
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swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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vociferously
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| adv.喊叫地，吵闹地 | |
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dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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patriotism
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| n.爱国精神，爱国心，爱国主义 | |
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complacently
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| adv. 满足地, 自满地, 沾沾自喜地 | |
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flannel
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| n.法兰绒；法兰绒衣服 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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profundity
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| n.渊博；深奥，深刻 | |
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dangled
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| 悬吊着( dangle的过去式和过去分词 )； 摆动不定； 用某事物诱惑…； 吊胃口 | |
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metropolis
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| n.首府；大城市 | |
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assent
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| v.批准，认可；n.批准，认可 | |
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wield
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| vt.行使，运用，支配；挥，使用(武器等) | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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instil
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| v.逐渐灌输 | |
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ram
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| (random access memory)随机存取存储器 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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vehemence
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| n.热切；激烈；愤怒 | |
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amiable
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| adj.和蔼可亲的，友善的，亲切的 | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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nomination
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| n.提名，任命，提名权 | |
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eminence
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| n.卓越，显赫；高地，高处；名家 | |
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conspicuous
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| adj.明眼的，惹人注目的；炫耀的，摆阔气的 | |
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justified
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| a.正当的，有理的 | |
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paternal
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| adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的 | |
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enchanting
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| a.讨人喜欢的 | |
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asperity
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| n.粗鲁，艰苦 | |
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lament
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| n.悲叹，悔恨，恸哭；v.哀悼，悔恨，悲叹 | |
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immersion
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| n.沉浸；专心 | |
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humility
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| n.谦逊，谦恭 | |
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absurdity
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| n.荒谬，愚蠢；谬论 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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enraptured
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| v.使狂喜( enrapture的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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vigour
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| （=vigor）n.智力，体力，精力 | |
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confidentially
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| ad.秘密地，悄悄地 | |
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delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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recesses
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| n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 )；（工作或业务活动的）中止或暂停期间；学校的课间休息；某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 )；将（墙）做成凹形，在（墙）上做壁龛；休息，休会，休庭 | |
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slumber
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| n.睡眠，沉睡状态 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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bustle
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| v.喧扰地忙乱，匆忙，奔忙；n.忙碌；喧闹 | |
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ushered
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| v.引，领，陪同( usher的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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dispel
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| vt.驱走，驱散，消除 | |
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trumpets
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| 喇叭( trumpet的名词复数 )； 小号； 喇叭形物； （尤指）绽开的水仙花 | |
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diversified
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| adj.多样化的，多种经营的v.使多样化，多样化( diversify的过去式和过去分词 )；进入新的商业领域 | |
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gentry
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| n.绅士阶级，上层阶级 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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bribed
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| v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 )；向（某人）行贿，贿赂 | |
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miraculous
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| adj.像奇迹一样的，不可思议的 | |
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aged
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| adj.年老的，陈年的 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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hustings
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| n.竞选活动 | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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abreast
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| adv.并排地；跟上(时代)的步伐，与…并进地 | |
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constables
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| n.警察( constable的名词复数 ) | |
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91
rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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92
perspiring
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| v.出汗，流汗( perspire的现在分词 ) | |
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93
renown
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| n.声誉，名望 | |
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94
inscribed
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| v.写，刻( inscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；内接 | |
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undone
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| a.未做完的，未完成的 | |
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96
throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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98
vehement
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| adj.感情强烈的；热烈的；(人)有强烈感情的 | |
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99
gasped
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| v.喘气( gasp的过去式和过去分词 )；喘息；倒抽气；很想要 | |
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100
extricated
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| v.使摆脱困难，脱身( extricate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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101
poke
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| n.刺，戳，袋；vt.拨开，刺，戳；vi.戳，刺，捅，搜索，伸出，行动散慢 | |
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102
proceedings
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| n.进程，过程，议程；诉讼(程序)；公报 | |
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103
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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104
countenances
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| n.面容( countenance的名词复数 )；表情；镇静；道义支持 | |
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105
inundated
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| v.淹没( inundate的过去式和过去分词 )；（洪水般地）涌来；充满；给予或交予（太多事物）使难以应付 | |
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106
groans
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| n.呻吟，叹息( groan的名词复数 )；呻吟般的声音v.呻吟( groan的第三人称单数 )；发牢骚；抱怨；受苦 | |
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107
gutter
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| n.沟，街沟，水槽，檐槽，贫民窟 | |
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108
jocose
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| adj.开玩笑的，滑稽的 | |
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109
awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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110
facetiousness
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| n.滑稽 | |
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111
bellowed
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| v.发出吼叫声，咆哮（尤指因痛苦）( bellow的过去式和过去分词 )；（愤怒地）说出（某事），大叫 | |
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112
taunts
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| 嘲弄的言语，嘲笑，奚落( taunt的名词复数 ) | |
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113
witticisms
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| n.妙语，俏皮话( witticism的名词复数 ) | |
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114
contented
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| adj.满意的，安心的，知足的 | |
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115
scorching
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| adj. 灼热的 | |
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116
obedience
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| n.服从，顺从 | |
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117
concerto
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| n.协奏曲 | |
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118
allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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119
orator
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| n.演说者，演讲者，雄辩家 | |
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120
gratitude
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| adj.感激，感谢 | |
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121
choleric
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| adj.易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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122
eloquence
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| n.雄辩；口才，修辞 | |
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123
uproar
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| n.骚动，喧嚣，鼎沸 | |
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124
violation
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| n.违反(行为)，违背(行为)，侵犯 | |
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125
bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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126
interfered
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| v.干预( interfere的过去式和过去分词 )；调停；妨碍；干涉 | |
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127
partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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128
disinterested
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| adj.不关心的，不感兴趣的 | |
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129
devoutly
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| adv.虔诚地，虔敬地，衷心地 | |
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130
screeched
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| v.发出尖叫声( screech的过去式和过去分词 )；发出粗而刺耳的声音；高叫 | |
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131
dictated
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| v.大声讲或读( dictate的过去式和过去分词 )；口授；支配；摆布 | |
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132
solicited
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| v.恳求( solicit的过去式和过去分词 )；（指娼妇）拉客；索求；征求 | |
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