"THE ELDER TURF-BOY"
"THE ELDER TURF-BOY"
The first picnic in which I clearly recall taking part was, like many that succeeded it, illicit8. It unconsciously adhered to the great and golden precept9 that picnics should be limited in number and select in company. It consisted, in fact, of no more than four, which, with a leggy deerhound, a turf fire, and the smoke from the turf fire, were as much as could be fitted in. Why a ruinous lime-kiln should have been chosen is not worth inquiring into. It probably conformed best with those ideals of cave-dwelling, secrecy10, and rigorous discomfort11 that are treasured by the young. We were, indeed, excessively young, and should have been walking in all godliness with the governess; two of us at least should. The other two were turf-boys, who should have been carrying baskets of turf on their backs into the kitchen, and submitting themselves reverently12 to the innumerable oppressions of the cook, who, they assured us, had already pitched them to the Seventeen Divils three times that same day. The lime-kiln was sketchily13 roofed with branches, thatched with sedge and was entered by the hole at which the smoke came out. It was a feat14 of some skill to lower oneself through this hole, avoid the fire, grope for the table—a packing-case—with one toe, and thence fall on top of the rest of the party. Except in the item of sociability15 I do not think that the deerhound can have enjoyed himself much; he spent most of the time in dodging16 the transits17 of the kettle, and it was our malign18 custom to wipe the knives on his back, in places just beyond the flaps of a tongue as long and red as a slice of ham. What we ate is best forgotten. Something disgusting with carraway seeds in it, kneaded by our own filthy19 hands, lubricated with lard, and baked in a frying pan in the inmost heart of the turf smoke. The drink was claret, stolen from the dining-room, and boiled with a few handfuls of the snow that lay sparsely20 under the fir trees round the lime-kiln. Why the claret should have been boiled with snow is hard to explain. I think it must have been due to its suggestion of Polar expeditions and Roman Feasts; subjects both of them, that lent themselves to learned and condescending22 explanation to the turf-boys. Afterwards, when the elder turf-boy, Sonny Walsh, produced a pack of cards from a cavity in his coat that had begun life as a pocket, and dealt them out for "Spoilt Five" it was the turf-boy's turn to condescend21. "Spoilt Five" is not in any sense child's play; its rules are complicated, and its play overlaid with weird23 usages and expressions. For the uninitiated it was out of the question to distinguish kings from queens, or the all-important "Five-Fingers" from any other five, through the haze24 of dirt with which all were befogged. The turf-boys knew them as the shepherd knows his flock, and at the end of the game had become possessors of our stock-in-trade, consisting of a Manx halfpenny, a slate25 pencil with plaid paper gummed round its shank, two lemon drops, and a livery button.
This was a good and thoroughly26 enjoyable picnic, containing within itself all the elements of success, difficult as these may be to define, and still more difficult as they are to secure.
AN AUGUST AFTERNOON
AN AUGUST AFTERNOON
I remember an August afternoon, and a long island that lay sweltering in a sea of flat and streaky blue. Two heated boatloads approached it at full speed, each determined27 to get there first, and equally determined not to seem aware of any emulation28. Simultaneously29 the keels drove like ploughs into the hot shingle30, the inevitable31 troop of dogs flung themselves ashore—it is noteworthy that all dogs dash into a boat as if they were leading a forlorn hope, and leave it as if they were escaping from a fire—the party spread itself over the beach in cheerful argument as to the most suitable place for the repast, and while the contention32 was still hot as to the relative merits of a long disused churchyard, with an ancient stone coffin33 lid for a table, or a baking corner of the strand34, where a thin stream trickled35 over the cliffs to the sea, one came from the boats with a stricken face, and said that all the food had been left behind. There was silence for a space. Then, while the accusers answered one another, the remembrance of Mrs. Driscoll's cottage shone like a star on a stormy night into the minds of the castaways. Under happier circumstances the metaphor36 might have seemed inappropriate, but there is a time for everything, and the time for Mrs. Driscoll's cottage to pose as a star of hope and deliverance had arrived. Mrs. Driscoll herself, emerging from her cowhouse, sympathetic, hospitable37, and very dirty, was equal to the occasion. Would she lend us a skillet? Sure, why not! An' eggs is it? an' praties? an' a sup o' milk, and the sign o' butther? Well, well! the cratures! An' they come to this lonesome place to ate their dinner, an' to lave it afther them afther! Glory be to mercy! Well, the genthry is quare, but for all they're very good! She led the foraging38 party in to her cottage. It was the only house on the island, and, in rough weather, as solitary39 and cut off from humanity as was Noah's Ark. Indeed, solitariness40 was not the only point wherein a resemblance to the Ark was suggested. A cloud of hens screeched42 forth43 over the half door in our faces; two cats and a pig sped out as we opened it; a small but determined mother goat dared us to force the fortalice of the inner chamber44 in which her offspring were, no doubt, in laager; a gander lifted his clattering45 bill from a skillet—the skillet, I may say, in which our subsequent meal was to be prepared—to hiss46 alarmingly at us; two children and, I think, a calf47, shuddered48 noiselessly out of sight into the brown vault49 of the fireplace, and through it all, as Mrs. Browning sings, "The nightingales" (or, strictly50 speaking, the ducks) "drove straight and full their long clear call."
Mrs. Driscoll drove, headlong as an ocean steamer, through her ménage. The skillet was snatched from the gander; with one sweeping51 cuff52 a low-growling, elderly dog was dashed from its seat on the potato sack under the table. The dresser yielded a bowl full of eggs; from the bedroom came milk and butter (happily, none of us, save the goat, was made free of the mysteries of their place of keeping), and a little girl was plucked from the depths of the chimney and commanded to "run away to the well for a pitcher53 of water."
"Not from the well in the bohireen," we said quickly, "it doesn't look very—"
"Sure that's grand wather, asthore," replied Mrs. Driscoll, "if ye'll take the green top off it there's no better wather in the globe of Ireland, nor in Carbery nayther!"
We accepted the reassurance54. When one is less than twenty and more than half-starved, one accepts a good deal, and I cannot remember that any of us were any the worse for the water. At all events the potatoes were boiled in it, the eggs nestling amicably55 among them (this to save time and fuel). Ultimately there was made a comprehensive blend of everything—eggs, potatoes, milk and butter, the whole served hot, on flat stones, and eaten with pocket knives and cockleshells.
Over our heads the unsophisticated seagulls swooped56 and screamed—I remember that one of them nearly knocked my hat off on that island one day—the air quivered like hot oil between us and the purple distance of the mainland, and yet there was the island freshness in it; we lay on our backs on the heathery verge57 of the cliffs and drowsed off the potatoes. There were no plates to wash, no forks to clean. It was an admirable picnic. So every one thought, save the dogs, who found egg-shells and potato-skins a poor substitute for chicken bones.
There is, I think, in the matter of picnics no middle course endurable. If they cannot attain58 to the untrammelled simplicity59 of the savage60, they require all the resources of civilisation to justify61 them. Let there be men-servants, and maid-servants, and cattle—for carting purposes—and, in fact, all the things enumerated62 in the Tenth Commandment, including your neighbour's wife. Let there also be champagne63—and yet, not even champagne will alleviate64 much if your neighbour's wife be dull and greedy, and how often, how almost invariably is she, at a picnic, both these things! There certainly is something in the conditions of set feasts out of doors that induces an unusual measure of gluttony. Primarily, of course, there is the lack of other occupation, but chiefly, I think, there is the instinctive65 wish to lessen66 the labours of packing up. Packing up is the dark feature of the best picnic. I have often pitied the Apostles for the seven basketfuls that they found left on their hands.
If an instance of all that is worst in a picnic be required I may lightly record some of the features of an entertainment which, one summer, I was by Heaven's help and a little lower diplomacy67, enabled to evade68. The drag-net of the African war had gone heavily over the neighbourhood, and to the forty women who had unflinchingly accepted, but two men were found to preserve the just balance of the sexes. These numbers are not fictitious69. They may be found seared upon the heart of the hostess.
The forty, with a singular fatuity70, seem to have been as tenacious71 of their dignity as jurymen at a Coroner's inquest. It was theirs, as females, to sit still and be fed, and this they did, even though the feeding process was conducted solely72 by the two heroes of the afternoon, and was necessarily of the most gradual character. The kettle, or rather kettles, were—it is the only bright spot in the affair—ably manipulated by serfs in the background, and in their hands was also the grosser conduct of the feast, the unpacking73, the setting forth on the grass of a table cloth of about half an acre in area, and the placing on its unattainable central plateaux those matters—such as cream-jugs and fruit salads—in greatest request and most prone74 to disaster. They, also, had been the selectors of a ruined cottage as the site of the camp fires, and it was only when these were being prepared that a swarm75 of bees discovered itself in the chimney. Fortunately, however, before it went on to discover the picnic, some one, with the Irish gift of using the wrong thing in the right place, stopped the flue with a hamper76 and a carriage rug, thus heading off the worst of the bees, while the fires were relit in the corners of the cottage. The two men faced the position. Through smoke and bees they did their duty, carting back and forth the eighty cups of tea which the occasion demanded; but they said afterwards that more than patriotism77 barbed the regret that their country had deemed them too old for active service. As for the forty ladies, they sat and fulfilled what was for them the primary, if not the only object of the picnic, by eating and drinking, without haste, without rest, till the kettles gave out. Then, like a flock of gorged78 birds, they rose heavily, and unaffectedly begged to be allowed to order their carriages, and so went home. The hostess had held a walk and a view in reserve, in case of emergencies, but it was not for her to complain. The two men then had their tea.
It has been my fate to take part in several yachting picnics. They have all had one common and hideous79 feature—even as a cocked-nose or a squint80 will run in families—the yachts have invariably been becalmed. Their other conditions have been various. Sometimes the food was sent by land to meet the yachters at the chosen rendezvous81; sometimes the picnicking contingent82 rode bicycles and sent the food by sea, and sometimes the yacht alone took the whole outfit83, food and feeders, and putting forth to sea, incontinently fell upon flat calms, and the slow pulsing swell84 of the Atlantic, and thus, though the direct cause varied85, the net result was ever the same—starvation. There is hidden away in West Cork86 a most lovely and lonely lake. It is joined with the sea by a narrow neck, up which at high water boats can come. To landward is a great hill, thickly grown with firs, and aboriginal87 oaks, and hollies88, wherein on a still night you may hear the wild screech41 of the martin-cats, ripping the darkness blood-curdlingly, like a woman's scream. From its summit is a view of wondrous89 beauty and expanse (not necessarily synonymous terms, though often reckoned so), and it was there that we were to picnic, bicycling as near the top as might be, while hirelings from the yacht were to carry provisions up the hill for us. It was a luncheon picnic, the blackest kind of all. The yacht started at daybreak; all was to be ready on the hill top by our arrival.
I should think the least intelligent would have already gathered the dénouement of this "Cautionary Tale," as Mrs. Sherwood would call it, and I need do no more than indicate the closing scene of the day's tragedy. On a sea of turquoise90, far-away sails, saffron-coloured, and motionless in the afternoon sunlight. On the mud floor of a roadside public house, a small company of bicyclists, drearily91 preserving life by means of sour porter, flat, sweet lemonade, and probably the stalest biscuits in the wide province of Munster.
Many high authorities, including, I am told, Mr. Herbert Spencer, assure us that it is the inherited influences of prehistoric92 ancestors that breed in otherwise decent and home-keeping souls the love of the lawless freedom of a picnic, and, to be sure, the pleasure that we had in our island orgy, with its plateless, spoonless indecorums, can best be explained on some such theory. None the less, I maintain that the ideal picnic is only achieved by the most super-civilised elimination93 and selection. Two, or at most four, congenial souls, and a tea basket of latest device and most expert equipment—these things, and thoroughly dry grass, and I ask no more of heaven.
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propped
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| 支撑，支持，维持( prop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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precariously
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| adv.不安全地；危险地；碰机会地；不稳定地 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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teaspoons
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| n.茶匙( teaspoon的名词复数 )；一茶匙的量 | |
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luncheon
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| n.午宴，午餐，便宴 | |
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gnawed
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| 咬( gnaw的过去式和过去分词 )； （长时间） 折磨某人； （使）苦恼； （长时间）危害某事物 | |
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illicit
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| adj.非法的，禁止的，不正当的 | |
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precept
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| n.戒律；格言 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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reverently
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| adv.虔诚地 | |
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sketchily
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| adv.写生风格地，大略地 | |
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feat
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| n.功绩；武艺，技艺；adj.灵巧的，漂亮的，合适的 | |
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sociability
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| n.好交际，社交性，善于交际 | |
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dodging
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| n.避开，闪过，音调改变v.闪躲( dodge的现在分词 )；回避 | |
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transits
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| 通过（transit的复数形式） | |
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malign
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| adj.有害的；恶性的；恶意的；v.诽谤，诬蔑 | |
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filthy
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| adj.卑劣的；恶劣的，肮脏的 | |
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sparsely
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| adv.稀疏地；稀少地；不足地；贫乏地 | |
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condescend
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| v.俯就，屈尊；堕落，丢丑 | |
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condescending
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| adj.谦逊的,故意屈尊的 | |
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weird
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| adj.古怪的，离奇的；怪诞的，神秘而可怕的 | |
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haze
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| n.霾，烟雾；懵懂，迷糊；vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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slate
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| n.板岩，石板，石片，石板色，候选人名单；adj.暗蓝灰色的，含板岩的；vt.用石板覆盖，痛打，提名，预订 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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emulation
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| n.竞争；仿效 | |
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simultaneously
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| adv.同时发生地，同时进行地 | |
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shingle
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| n.木瓦板；小招牌(尤指医生或律师挂的营业招牌)；v.用木瓦板盖（屋顶）；把（女子头发）剪短 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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contention
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| n.争论，争辩，论战；论点，主张 | |
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coffin
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| n.棺材，灵柩 | |
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strand
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| vt.使（船）搁浅，使（某人）困于（某地） | |
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trickled
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| v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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metaphor
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| n.隐喻，暗喻 | |
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hospitable
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| adj.好客的；宽容的；有利的，适宜的 | |
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foraging
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| v.搜寻（食物），尤指动物觅（食）( forage的现在分词 )；（尤指用手）搜寻（东西） | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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solitariness
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| n.隐居；单独 | |
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screech
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| n./v.尖叫；(发出)刺耳的声音 | |
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screeched
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| v.发出尖叫声( screech的过去式和过去分词 )；发出粗而刺耳的声音；高叫 | |
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forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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clattering
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| 发出咔哒声（clatter的现在分词形式） | |
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hiss
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| v.发出嘶嘶声；发嘘声表示不满 | |
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calf
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| n.小牛，犊，幼仔，小牛皮 | |
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shuddered
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| v.战栗( shudder的过去式和过去分词 )；发抖；（机器、车辆等）突然震动；颤动 | |
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vault
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| n.拱形圆顶，地窖，地下室 | |
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strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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sweeping
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| adj.范围广大的，一扫无遗的 | |
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52
cuff
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| n.袖口；手铐；护腕；vt.用手铐铐；上袖口 | |
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pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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54
reassurance
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| n.使放心，使消除疑虑 | |
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amicably
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| adv.友善地 | |
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swooped
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| 俯冲，猛冲( swoop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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verge
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| n.边，边缘；v.接近，濒临 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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savage
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| adj.野蛮的；凶恶的，残暴的；n.未开化的人 | |
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justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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enumerated
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| v.列举，枚举，数( enumerate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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champagne
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| n.香槟酒；微黄色 | |
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alleviate
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| v.减轻，缓和，缓解(痛苦等) | |
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instinctive
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| adj.(出于)本能的；直觉的；(出于)天性的 | |
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lessen
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| vt.减少，减轻；缩小 | |
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diplomacy
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| n.外交；外交手腕，交际手腕 | |
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evade
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| vt.逃避，回避；避开，躲避 | |
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fictitious
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| adj.虚构的，假设的；空头的 | |
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fatuity
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| n.愚蠢，愚昧 | |
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tenacious
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| adj.顽强的，固执的，记忆力强的，粘的 | |
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solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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unpacking
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| n.取出货物，拆包[箱]v.从（包裹等）中取出（所装的东西），打开行李取出( unpack的现在分词 )；拆包；解除…的负担；吐露（心事等） | |
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prone
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| adj.(to)易于…的，很可能…的；俯卧的 | |
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75
swarm
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| n.(昆虫)等一大群；vi.成群飞舞；蜂拥而入 | |
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76
hamper
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| vt.妨碍，束缚，限制；n.(有盖的)大篮子 | |
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77
patriotism
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| n.爱国精神，爱国心，爱国主义 | |
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78
gorged
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| v.（用食物把自己）塞饱，填饱( gorge的过去式和过去分词 )；作呕 | |
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79
hideous
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| adj.丑陋的，可憎的，可怕的，恐怖的 | |
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80
squint
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| v. 使变斜视眼, 斜视, 眯眼看, 偏移, 窥视; n. 斜视, 斜孔小窗; adj. 斜视的, 斜的 | |
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81
rendezvous
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| n.约会，约会地点，汇合点；vi.汇合，集合；vt.使汇合，使在汇合地点相遇 | |
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82
contingent
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| adj.视条件而定的；n.一组，代表团，分遣队 | |
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83
outfit
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| n.（为特殊用途的）全套装备，全套服装 | |
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84
swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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85
varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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86
cork
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| n.软木，软木塞 | |
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87
aboriginal
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| adj.（指动植物）土生的，原产地的，土著的 | |
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88
hollies
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| n.冬青（常绿灌木，叶尖而硬，有光泽，冬季结红色浆果）( holly的名词复数 )；（用作圣诞节饰物的）冬青树枝 | |
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89
wondrous
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| adj.令人惊奇的，奇妙的；adv.惊人地；异乎寻常地；令人惊叹地 | |
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90
turquoise
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| n.绿宝石；adj.蓝绿色的 | |
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91
drearily
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| 沉寂地，厌倦地，可怕地 | |
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92
prehistoric
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| adj.（有记载的）历史以前的，史前的，古老的 | |
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93
elimination
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| n.排除，消除，消灭 | |
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