My conscience, far from admitting ability to treat of these solemn things, reminds me that but little more than a year ago I should scarcely have been entrusted4 with the weeding of a gravel5 path, and hints at that Affair of the Coltsfoot. It is, in fact, the Coltsfoot Affair that decides me. I cannot be a guide or a sign-post, but I can be a scarecrow. I would say a moral scarecrow, though it may be conceded that the costume of the gardening amateur often lends itself to the more practical r?le.
I was not at all aware of being in the movement when I found myself snatching at my weekly copy of Gardening Illustrated6 in preference to the daily paper, and brooding heavily upon delphiniums when I might have been profiting by the sermon. It was only by degrees, as I went about the world, that I noted7 how quick and strong would beat the answering conversational8 pulse at the mention of a garden, at the sighing reference to the arrangement of a herbaceous border. It seemed that every second person I met was as much of a gardener as I was, in the matter of enthusiasm, and, as they might easily be, something more in the matter of practice. This discovery revolutionised society for me. It has doubtless done so for many another. The most penal9 afternoon visit may have its alleviations in a valuable hint on "the desire of the rose"—not for the star—but for the cleanings of the scullery drain; the most inveterate10 dowager may be found to be a man and a brother, profoundly versed11 in daffodils, full of lore12 about "Alpines13." How astonishing it is to find oneself cheerfully, even ardently14, assenting15 to what would once have been regarded as the hideous16 proposal to "Walk round the garden!" Such a walk has ceased to be a penance17; it has become something, not quite a scouting18 expedition, not quite a (herbaceous) border-foray, not quite a "beggar's lay"; but it has something in it of the charms of all three. Which element preponderates19 depends on the character. There are moss-troopers born, who will twitch20 off a cutting, and filch21 a seed head, uncontrollably. There are heaven-endowed mendicants who will yearn22 and flatter the filling of a flower bed into a knotted pocket handkerchief. It is a useful principle to accept everything, regardless of the accident of the seasons. There are many other accidents of far higher importance to be considered—lapse of memory on the part of the giver, for instance, or repentance23. In the amenities24 of gardeners, as in love, the advice to "Take me when I'm in the humour," is sound, and a cutting in the hand is well worth six in or on the bush, when the bush is another's.
I believe it is the gambling25 element that gives to gardening so potent26 a charm—that, and the seedmen's catalogues. One of my first adventures was in response to a singularly seductive advertisement—"Humulus Lupulus," it said, "The finest creeper in the world. Grows forty feet in a single night. Massive clusters of yellowish blossoms. Beautiful; Healthy." I have the constitutional misfortune to believe, unquestioning, the printed word. Even now I find it hard to discount the flights of fancy of that poetic27 idealist, the advertising28 nurseryman. I despatched eighteenpence by the next post; received by return an undemonstrative bundle of little roots, planted them prayerfully in a choice place, and then, as it happened, left home for a time. On my return to my garden I found the usual crop of catastrophes29 and compensations, but disregarding all alike I sped to the site of the Humulus Lupulus. There had been near the same spot a highly esteemed30 rose, "Climbing Captain Christie." The first thing that greeted me was the wan31, indignant face of a Captain Christie, who, having climbed for all he was worth, was none the less overtaken, and was now gazing at me in strangled pallor from the depths of a thicket32 of common hops33. The Poetic Idealist had triumphed.
I have never been able precisely34 to ascertain35 to what extent Bat Whoolley found me out in the Affair—already alluded36 to—of the Coltsfoot. Bat is my gardener, and I value his opinion highly, almost as highly as he does himself, though possibly with more limitations. Winter Heliotrope37 was what my neighbour called Coltsfoot. I felt there was something not quite sound in the lavish38 way she pressed it upon me. She said there was nothing like it for covering bare places, and that I might dig it up for myself and take all I wanted. That specious39 permission might have warned me; so also might the singular fact that my neighbour's shrubbery had for undergrowth naught40 save the curving leaves of the winter heliotrope. None the less, I planted out two or three colonies of it on the outskirts41 of the rock garden.
One morning, at the turn by the pine tree (one of my colonies had been unostentatiously planted in a bare place behind the pine tree), I met Bat. His face was redder than usual, and there was something very searching in his eye. Mine did not meet it.
"Look at that!" he said.
He held up a handful of long white roots, and brandished42 it, much as Jupiter is represented brandishing43 a handful of lightning. "Look at that dam-root"—he pronounced the words as one pronounces beet-root—"that some"—here a powerful variant44 on the usual definition of fool—"is after planting in your honour's consarns! See here! If ye left no more o' that in the ground than as much as ye couldn't see itself, it'd have the place ate up in one fortnight! I gave the morning to it, an' if I give the day itself it's hardly I'll have it all dug—Divil's cure to the—" (Here more variants45 in connection with the imposter.)
Something wavering in Bat's eye, even while the denunciation proceeded, made me conscious of the smirch of suspicion. I remained silent as the grave. Secretly I visited the other colonies, and found that one of them was already swinging an enveloping46 wing round the rearguard of the Iris47 Kaempferi, and that another had flung outposts into the heart of the helianthemums. At a bound I ranged myself with the opposition48.
"Bat," I said, "the Dam-roots are in the garden!"
That night a fair-sized bundle of winter heliotrope was restored to my generous neighbour. Bat threw it over the wall.
I am slowly acquiring some insight into my gardener's likes and dislikes. He despises anything that he suspects of being a wild flower.
"'Sha! that's no good! That's one of the Heth family! The hills is rotten with it."
But on the other hand, he will lavish such a wealth of attention upon potatoes as would, if bestowed49 on the despised daughter of Heth, cause it to blossom like the rose. There are, in his opinion, but three flowers really worthy50 of cultivation51. Red geraniums, blue lobelias, and yellow calceolarias. With these, had he his will, should all my garden be glorious. I never buy them; I never see them in their earlier stages, but suddenly, in the herbaceous border, the trio will appear, uttering a note of colour only comparable to the shriek52 of a macaw.
"Why then, there isn't a gentleman's garden in Ireland but thim have the sway in it!" Bat says, when he finds me brooding over a shattered ideal. "There was Mr. Massy's was the grand place! The garden steps big slobs of marble, and the gate lodges53 dashed and haberdashed, and the gardens fit to blind yer eye by the dint54 o' thim!"
What "haberdashed" may mean I cannot say, but "thim" meant the combination so dear to his heart that a stouter55 than mine would be needed to abolish it, even from a herbaceous border.
Sometimes, chiefly on Sunday afternoons, I am visited by compunction in the matter of the prohibited "calcies" and "lobaylias," for it is on Sundays that Bat is "at home" to three favoured enemies of his own profession. They move, very slowly, and, for the most part, silently, from bed to bed, like doctors making a clinical inspection56 at a hospital; at intervals57 they put a horny finger under a patient's chin and gravely study his complexion58, or, wishing perhaps to show generosity59 to a rival, they pick off some malign60 bug61 or caterpillar62, and squash it between an unhesitating finger and thumb. It is at such times that I feel how far my garden in its lack of that gorgeous trio lags behind that of any other gentleman in Ireland.
But my gardener has his alleviations. There was one bright day which, having begun with the funeral of a relative, culminated63 in a visit as prolonged as it was satiating from the chief mourner. King Solomon did not exploit his Temple more thoroughly64 for the discomfiture65 of the Queen of Sheba than did Bat his gardens for the Chief Mourner. The latter, a "mountainy man from back in the counthry," paced heavily round after Mr. Whoolly, his hands folded on the apex66 of his back under the voluminous skirts of his blue frieze67 coat, a stick hanging from them like a tail. The deep silence of his native hills was on him; he suffered his emotions without expression until the tour of the kitchen garden was made, its climax—fortunately stage-managed by Bat—being "a bed of greens." There is that in such a bed that, in such a nature, touches an even more vibrating chord than potatoes.
"And cabbages!" said the mountainy man, almost in a whisper.
"AND CABBAGES!" SAID THE MOUNTAINY MAN
"AND CABBAGES!" SAID THE MOUNTAINY MAN
The Queen of Sheba herself was not a more gratifying audience. Mr. Whoolley seems to have observed the parallelism of the cases, and assuming that the visitor, in spite of the funeral, had no more spirit left in him, the couple adjourned68 to a convenient public house and were no more seen.
On the whole, I think I may say that I give Bat satisfaction. He is generous in judging rather by intention than achievement, and he sees the advantages of fostering a disposition69 to weed. Only once has he been tried too high, and that was when I planted out a bed with what he calls "pushoch-bui," a most pestilent weed whose English equivalent is, I fancy, charlock. To me he passed over the error in a very handsome manner, but I heard him the same afternoon say to the subordinate who was making good my misdoing:
"Is it that one! Sure he's no more good than a feather!"
Another act of folly70 of mine, however, carried with it more serious consequences. I was so far left to myself as to give permission to a Sunday School excursion of unknown dimensions to disport71 itself in my domains72. Dates were discussed, and times arranged, and then a sponge of kindly73 oblivion wiped the affair from my mind. It was a couple of months afterwards—I was inspecting my wall fruit in the kitchen garden at eleven o'clock in the morning, and being eaten by midges in a way that foretold74 immediate75 rain, when there was a sound of thunderous driving on the avenue. Just then the rain began to fall, and almost at the same moment there arrived to me a rushing messenger from the house saying "there were ladies in the drawing-room."
I am a lone76 man, and there is no one to share with me the brunt of such a moment. I hurried in, and was confronted as I neared the hall door by four huge yellow brakes, full of children, and roofed with umbrellas. Two, already empty, were emulously pressing towards the yard, one taking a short cut across a strip of lawn, and two more were disgorging their burdens at large. I went into the drawing-room and found it lined with ladies in black. It was explained to me that on account of the rain the party, which comprised the Patrons, Teachers, and Pupils of four Sunday Schools, had "taken the liberty of coming to the house for shelter." Even as they spoke77 a strange murmuring sound arose from beneath my feet—the hum as of an angry hive. The house, like many old country houses in Ireland, stands upon a basement storey, and I realised that its cavernous recesses78 were being utilised as a receptacle for the Amalgamated79 Sunday Schools.
I cannot clearly recall the varied80 events of that day of nightmare. I remember finding, at one juncture81, one of my subordinates stemming the rush of the Sunday Schools up the back-stairs with the kitchen table and an old driving whip. At another, my honoured presence was requested in a cave-like place, once a laundry, wherein a shocking meal was being partaken of. I noticed a teacher with a "cut" of cold salmon82, wrapped in newspaper. She ate it with her fingers, quaffing83 raspberry vinegar the while. Kettles, capacious as the boiler84 of a man-of-war, steamed on the ancient fireplace; the air reeked85 of damp children and buns. Later on it cleared, and I led a company of female patrons forth86 to see the garden. Already the sward of the tennis ground looked like Epsom Downs on the day after the Derby, and an animated87 game of Hide-and-Seek was in progress among my young rhododendrons. I averted88 my eyes. In the flower garden the usual amusement of leaping the beds had taken place, with the usual results of chasm-like footprints in the centre of each. The first endurable incident of the day was the discovery that Bat had locked the kitchen garden gate, and that my strollings with the patronesses were perforce ended. But even as I was expressing my regrets (coupled, mentally, with a resolve to raise Mr. Whoolly's wages) there arose from within the walls cries of the most poignant89, accompanied by roars comparable only to those of a wounded tiger. On the top of the wall, just above us there shot into view the face of a boy, a face scarlet90 with exertion91, vociferous92 in lamentation93. Quickly following it there appeared down the length of the wall other faces, equally agitated94, while from within came a sound as of the heavy beating of carpets. Other sounds came also. Sounds of indignation too explicit95 to be printable. I blushed for the patronesses. None the less I endorsed96 every word of it as I realised that my best peach trees were being used as ladders by the Amalgamated Sunday Schools.
I think that was about the last act in the tragedy. Not long afterwards, in a yellow glow of late, repentant97 sunlight, the four brakes drove—with further cuttings of grassy98 corners—up to the hall door. The Sunday Schools were condensed into them, each child receiving an orange as it took its seat, and thin cheers arose in my honour. Simultaneously99 the brakes snowed forth orange peel upon the gravel; the procession swept out of sight, still cheering, still snowing orange peel.
For reasons darkly and inextricably mixed up with the Sunday School excursion, dinner that night was served at nine o'clock, and as I was aware that every servant in the house was in a separate and towering passion, I refrained from inquiry100.
Yet, even through the indigestion following on this belated repast, I was upheld by the remembrance of Bat's face, as he glared at me through the bars of the kitchen garden gate, and said:
"Thanks be to God, I'm after breaking six pay-sticks on their backs!"
点击收听单词发音
1 discoursed | |
演说(discourse的过去式与过去分词形式) | |
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2 horrid | |
adj.可怕的;令人惊恐的;恐怖的;极讨厌的 | |
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3 applied | |
adj.应用的;v.应用,适用 | |
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4 entrusted | |
v.委托,托付( entrust的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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5 gravel | |
n.砂跞;砂砾层;结石 | |
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6 illustrated | |
adj. 有插图的,列举的 动词illustrate的过去式和过去分词 | |
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7 noted | |
adj.著名的,知名的 | |
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8 conversational | |
adj.对话的,会话的 | |
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9 penal | |
adj.刑罚的;刑法上的 | |
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10 inveterate | |
adj.积习已深的,根深蒂固的 | |
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11 versed | |
adj. 精通,熟练 | |
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12 lore | |
n.传说;学问,经验,知识 | |
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13 alpines | |
n.高山的,高山上的(尤指阿尔卑斯山)( alpine的名词复数 ) | |
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14 ardently | |
adv.热心地,热烈地 | |
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15 assenting | |
同意,赞成( assent的现在分词 ) | |
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16 hideous | |
adj.丑陋的,可憎的,可怕的,恐怖的 | |
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17 penance | |
n.(赎罪的)惩罪 | |
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18 scouting | |
守候活动,童子军的活动 | |
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19 preponderates | |
v.超过,胜过( preponderate的第三人称单数 ) | |
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20 twitch | |
v.急拉,抽动,痉挛,抽搐;n.扯,阵痛,痉挛 | |
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21 filch | |
v.偷窃 | |
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22 yearn | |
v.想念;怀念;渴望 | |
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23 repentance | |
n.懊悔 | |
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24 amenities | |
n.令人愉快的事物;礼仪;礼节;便利设施;礼仪( amenity的名词复数 );便利设施;(环境等的)舒适;(性情等的)愉快 | |
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25 gambling | |
n.赌博;投机 | |
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26 potent | |
adj.强有力的,有权势的;有效力的 | |
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27 poetic | |
adj.富有诗意的,有诗人气质的,善于抒情的 | |
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28 advertising | |
n.广告业;广告活动 a.广告的;广告业务的 | |
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29 catastrophes | |
n.灾祸( catastrophe的名词复数 );灾难;不幸事件;困难 | |
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30 esteemed | |
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为 | |
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31 wan | |
(wide area network)广域网 | |
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32 thicket | |
n.灌木丛,树林 | |
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33 hops | |
跳上[下]( hop的第三人称单数 ); 单足蹦跳; 齐足(或双足)跳行; 摘葎草花 | |
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34 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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35 ascertain | |
vt.发现,确定,查明,弄清 | |
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36 alluded | |
提及,暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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37 heliotrope | |
n.天芥菜;淡紫色 | |
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38 lavish | |
adj.无节制的;浪费的;vt.慷慨地给予,挥霍 | |
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39 specious | |
adj.似是而非的;adv.似是而非地 | |
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40 naught | |
n.无,零 [=nought] | |
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41 outskirts | |
n.郊外,郊区 | |
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42 brandished | |
v.挥舞( brandish的过去式和过去分词 );炫耀 | |
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43 brandishing | |
v.挥舞( brandish的现在分词 );炫耀 | |
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44 variant | |
adj.不同的,变异的;n.变体,异体 | |
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45 variants | |
n.变体( variant的名词复数 );变种;变型;(词等的)变体 | |
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46 enveloping | |
v.包围,笼罩,包住( envelop的现在分词 ) | |
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47 iris | |
n.虹膜,彩虹 | |
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48 opposition | |
n.反对,敌对 | |
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49 bestowed | |
赠给,授予( bestow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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50 worthy | |
adj.(of)值得的,配得上的;有价值的 | |
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51 cultivation | |
n.耕作,培养,栽培(法),养成 | |
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52 shriek | |
v./n.尖叫,叫喊 | |
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53 lodges | |
v.存放( lodge的第三人称单数 );暂住;埋入;(权利、权威等)归属 | |
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54 dint | |
n.由于,靠;凹坑 | |
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55 stouter | |
粗壮的( stout的比较级 ); 结实的; 坚固的; 坚定的 | |
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56 inspection | |
n.检查,审查,检阅 | |
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57 intervals | |
n.[军事]间隔( interval的名词复数 );间隔时间;[数学]区间;(戏剧、电影或音乐会的)幕间休息 | |
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58 complexion | |
n.肤色;情况,局面;气质,性格 | |
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59 generosity | |
n.大度,慷慨,慷慨的行为 | |
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60 malign | |
adj.有害的;恶性的;恶意的;v.诽谤,诬蔑 | |
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61 bug | |
n.虫子;故障;窃听器;vt.纠缠;装窃听器 | |
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62 caterpillar | |
n.毛虫,蝴蝶的幼虫 | |
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63 culminated | |
v.达到极点( culminate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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64 thoroughly | |
adv.完全地,彻底地,十足地 | |
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65 discomfiture | |
n.崩溃;大败;挫败;困惑 | |
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66 apex | |
n.顶点,最高点 | |
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67 frieze | |
n.(墙上的)横饰带,雕带 | |
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68 adjourned | |
(使)休会, (使)休庭( adjourn的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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69 disposition | |
n.性情,性格;意向,倾向;排列,部署 | |
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70 folly | |
n.愚笨,愚蠢,蠢事,蠢行,傻话 | |
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71 disport | |
v.嬉戏,玩 | |
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72 domains | |
n.范围( domain的名词复数 );领域;版图;地产 | |
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73 kindly | |
adj.和蔼的,温和的,爽快的;adv.温和地,亲切地 | |
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74 foretold | |
v.预言,预示( foretell的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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75 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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76 lone | |
adj.孤寂的,单独的;唯一的 | |
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77 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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78 recesses | |
n.壁凹( recess的名词复数 );(工作或业务活动的)中止或暂停期间;学校的课间休息;某物内部的凹形空间v.把某物放在墙壁的凹处( recess的第三人称单数 );将(墙)做成凹形,在(墙)上做壁龛;休息,休会,休庭 | |
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79 amalgamated | |
v.(使)(金属)汞齐化( amalgamate的过去式和过去分词 );(使)合并;联合;结合 | |
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80 varied | |
adj.多样的,多变化的 | |
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81 juncture | |
n.时刻,关键时刻,紧要关头 | |
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82 salmon | |
n.鲑,大马哈鱼,橙红色的 | |
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83 quaffing | |
v.痛饮( quaff的现在分词 );畅饮;大口大口将…喝干;一饮而尽 | |
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84 boiler | |
n.锅炉;煮器(壶,锅等) | |
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85 reeked | |
v.发出浓烈的臭气( reek的过去式和过去分词 );散发臭气;发出难闻的气味 (of sth);明显带有(令人不快或生疑的跡象) | |
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86 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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87 animated | |
adj.生气勃勃的,活跃的,愉快的 | |
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88 averted | |
防止,避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 ); 转移 | |
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89 poignant | |
adj.令人痛苦的,辛酸的,惨痛的 | |
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90 scarlet | |
n.深红色,绯红色,红衣;adj.绯红色的 | |
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91 exertion | |
n.尽力,努力 | |
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92 vociferous | |
adj.喧哗的,大叫大嚷的 | |
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93 lamentation | |
n.悲叹,哀悼 | |
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94 agitated | |
adj.被鼓动的,不安的 | |
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95 explicit | |
adj.详述的,明确的;坦率的;显然的 | |
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96 endorsed | |
vt.& vi.endorse的过去式或过去分词形式v.赞同( endorse的过去式和过去分词 );在(尤指支票的)背面签字;在(文件的)背面写评论;在广告上说本人使用并赞同某产品 | |
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97 repentant | |
adj.对…感到悔恨的 | |
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98 grassy | |
adj.盖满草的;长满草的 | |
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99 simultaneously | |
adv.同时发生地,同时进行地 | |
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100 inquiry | |
n.打听,询问,调查,查问 | |
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