Once she thought of venturing to go to him, as she listened to his restless pacing above her, but fear of his displeasure and a physical shrinking from a painful scene forced her to keep her watch alone. To-night's confession1 of his use of the Fund was the gravest of his many offences; she could not shake herself free of its grave consequences. Along with it came the memory of the faces of Jim and Diana as she had last seen them at midnight. The guests had departed; Diana was entering her own apartments, while from the landing Lady Elizabeth could see Jim below her as he started for the garden. Both their faces were stamped with a new, vital truth which, in its immensity, they seemed to find difficult to grasp. She recalled the wistful, inquiring expression of Diana's look as she turned to call her good-night to Jim. Even more vividly2 she recalled the answer of his eyes. The mute, unspoken thoughts that lay there were haunting her now with their tragic3 possibilities. A numb4 fear possessed5 her.
Above her, Henry's monotonous6 steps continued; her imagination began to play tricks with her. The steady tread above seemed to change into the tentative, faltering7 toddle8 of a baby boy; she remembered that the room over her was the old nursery, now used by Henry for his own apartment. How often she and his father had listened and rejoiced at the stumbling efforts which they could hear in the early morning! The terrible sympathy of a mother's sorrowing womb, that can reach the most poignant9 of all human anguish10, caused her suddenly to start to her feet; a physical craving11 to hold again the tiny body firm against her own, and ease this suffering, overpowered her. She could hear the broken steps of the long ago; she could see only the naked, mottled body of the sturdy chap that she had so often clasped close and smothered12 with her kisses. She stretched out her arms as if in search of it. The longing13 to touch again the soft warm flesh of her own creation became intense, from her wildly beating heart to the tightly contracted throat there grew a spasm14 of pain that ended in a long, broken sob15. She forgot all the years of suffering, the disappointments, and to-night's crowning tragedy of Henry's wilful16 treachery to her and his house.
She was the young mother again. The half shy, inquiring face of the babe with its tight corkscrew curls, as she had seen him first walk across the long nursery to fall into her arms at the open doorway17, was all that she could remember. Other ghosts crowded into the room; the husband of her love-days—for Elizabeth Kerhill had passionately18 loved her boy's father—stood, as he often had stood, close behind her at the nursery door and joyed with her at the beauty of its tiny occupant. The old wound, which nature mercifully in the passage of years had alleviated19, again ached as it had in the first hours of her great sorrow at his death.
Suddenly the pacing above ceased. She became conscious of a terrible anxiety to know why; she feared the stillness; the steady beat had been an unconscious comfort. Her tired brain grew more fanciful. Did she imagine or did she really see the pale spectre of her husband at the farther end of the room beckoning20 her to follow him? He seemed to open the door into the corridor and disappear into the gloom. There was a slight movement from above, significant in its abruptness21; it was as though a quick decision had been made by Henry. Down the corridor she fled, obeying a compelling instinct. The pale mist of the first streaks22 of dawn was struggling through the distant windows. She remembered a similar hurried rush to the nursery, when the tiny, twisted body was attacked with writhing23 convulsions. Quickly she sped along the hallway, around a twisted enclosure, and up the broad staircase until she reached the nursery. Without a pause she swung open the heavy oak door; then she knew why the warning had come to her.
At the creaking of the door, Henry started; he was unaware24 that it had remained unlocked. For a moment he stared at his mother as though she were an apparition25. He was standing26 near the open drawer of a huge desk; the glint of fire-arms in it shone clear against the flicker27 of the spluttering candles. He made no attempt to move. His eyes were held by the figure at the door, but no words came from the moving lips of Lady Elizabeth. Instinctively28, both their glances went to the open drawer with its certain means of death. Henry turned away; he tried to close the case. Through the silent room came the sobbed29 name of his childhood days.
"Ba-ba! Ba-ba!"
He felt her strong arms fasten tight around him; unresisting, he was gathered up close against the trembling body of his mother, as she drew him down into a big settle. He made no attempt to speak. He heard only the name of his babyhood in his mother's moans, as she pressed his tense face to hers, kissed the faunlike ears, while her hands strayed, as they used to do, over the long limbs that, relaxed, lay helpless against hers. The old nursery again held her treasure, and mechanically the tremulous lips fell to crooning a long-forgotten lullaby.
Gradually he slept with his head on her breast. Straight and stiff the early shadows found her, while the bitter tears furrowed30 her face, as she held her child, warm and alive, against her heart. During the long hours of her vigil she heard distinctly the crunching31 of footsteps on the gravel-walk outside as some one passed and repassed the east wing. But she was little concerned with the world without.
Below, unconscious of the tragedy so close to him, Jim, whose step it was Lady Kerhill had heard on the gravel-path, fought through the long night for his right to happiness. His entire horizon seemed blocked by the unyielding figures of Lady Elizabeth and Henry; behind them, tantalizing32 him with the sweetness of the vision, he could see Diana's face illumined with its new light of wonder. The heavy dews, which gave to the old garden its fragrant33, green, sweet odors, drenched34 him as he paced along the path under the giant trees. He was insensible to his wet clothes—to the tumbled hair which the dampness knotted about his head in kinky curls. The tangle35 of his thoughts proved too difficult for him to unravel36; the night had been so charged with emotions that he could hardly look truthfully into his own heart. The hours passed as he paced restlessly, dazed and overwhelmed by the chaotic37 uprooting38 of all his being. Aimlessly he at last wandered towards the Fairies' Corner, and sought rest on the rudely fashioned seat, dented39 and marked with his boyish carvings40. There he lay haunted by intangible dreams until, overcome by weariness, he crept close into his old corner and slept.
The strong orange shafts41 of sunrise were lighting42 up the hill-side opposite Diana's window as she stealthily crept down and let herself out of the silent house into the garden. The mounds43 close to the Towers were covered with great splashes of heather, while the moor45 beyond dipped and stretched far away like a trailing, purple, overblown, monster flower, which seemed, mushroom-like, to have sprung up during the night. Diana's first sight of the brilliant coloring that came every July to the heather-covered hill-side, brought now as always bitter memories of her first summer in Scotland, where as a young bride the illusions of her virgin46 mind and heart had been shattered by Henry.
She turned away from its flaunting47 beauty with a shudder48. No memories of the past had been hers during the night; why should she allow the old pain and heartache to come back? She alone in the great house had given herself up to delicious reveries that tempted49 her; every thought of Henry, her father, and the ties that bound her, she ignored. She never questioned what had changed her since she had left Henry, outraged50 at his vile51 suspicions. Why probe into the cause of her happiness? Enough that she could rejoice, silently, if need be, without a reason acknowledged even to herself, for her joy. But the dawn brought with it only feverish52 longing to reach the cool of the hill-side, and now the blooming riot of purple tones had struck at her like a menacing ghost. She plunged53 into a thicket54, and, sinking knee-deep in its luxuriant growth, made her way across a yellow meadow. Finally she reached the copse of trees through which she could see the Elizabethan gables of the back of the house.
Oh, the beauty of the unstained day! Like every weary wayfarer55 exploring for the first time since childhood the fresh virgin country-side, her soul cried aloud its appreciation56 of this beauty of soft green, wet glistening57 flowers, crystal clear air, and what is utterly58 unknown save to the frequenters of the first hours of dawn in forests and glades59, the ecstatic perfume of the early breezes. Across the hedges from their kingdom, the flower-garden, came these ripples60 of scented61 air, heavy with the breath of honeysuckle, rose, phlox, and heliotrope62.
Like Jim, she unconsciously turned to the Fairies' Corner. As she reached the narrow aperture63, and its wet earthy smell drowned the sweet, sensuous64 odors of the garden blossoms, she espied65 the sleeping figure on the old bench. At the unexpected discovery she gave an involuntary exclamation66. Jim was lying on his back, with his head on his arm, all the wet stain of the night passed in the garden showing on his unchanged evening clothes, while the unkempt hair gave a curious boyishness to his face.
Diana waited for him to move, but her surprised ejaculation had failed to awaken67 him. How big and wonderful he was! The thick lashes44 swept his brown face with its dull touch of red showing under the olive skin. As she bent68 over him and was about to touch his hand to arouse him he opened his eyes.
He had been dreaming that he was in the hospital in the Hills after the fight, and in his delirium69 he was back at the Fairies' Corner with Diana—and there she stood looking at him, but his eyes seemed unable to grasp the reality of the moment.
"Jim, Jim," she said.
It was no dream. With a rush of memory it all came back to him. He quickly rose to his feet and came towards her, impelled70 by an uncontrollable force. Cobwebs of sunlight were making glinting spaces against the gray-and-green enclosure; a movement began in the tree-tops that brought back the childish reminiscence of the rustling71 fairy wings. He forgot everything. He only knew that she stood there like an essence of delight to ease his aching being. The still wonder of the evening before was again shining in her luminous72 face.
He lifted her hands to his shoulders, and held them fast there. To her awakening73 womanhood he seemed like a young god of nature, who had bathed in the primeval springs and had arisen glorified74 and overwhelming in his forcefulness. They stood speechless, their gaze fastened each on the other's face, while the moments slipped away. How long they stood there neither realized: the burning intensity75 of the moments told them more than any words could have conveyed. Both now knew the truth—it downed them with its unflinching eyes; they knew that they were peering close into the core of life, that they had touched at the vital springs of the Great Game. Strong and incessant76 as the beat of the swaying tree-tops, the bitter knowledge was forced upon them that they could no longer, even to themselves, play a part. Their months of unconscious self-deception had that night been slain77; each knew that love triumphant78 had come into his own.
From the camp in the park beyond came the sound of the bugle79 calling the men to their early morning duties. It roused Jim and Diana to the consciousness of the workaday world. Diana was the first to move; she slipped her hands away from his shoulders, while she still had the strength to do so. Jim silently started towards her, his eyes showing the surrender of his love. She could read all that they asked; her name broke from his lips in tender reiteration80.
"Di, dear—dear Di!"
But this time the out-stretched hands waved him back.
"No, no!" she cried, and down the long copse she fled from him.
Alone, Jim realized that they had been on the edge of a great precipice81. Gradually it came upon him that there was only one way to save himself—to save Diana; he must go away. When, how—it all mattered little—later he would decide that. He managed to reach his room unobserved. How could he face the day's responsibilities, he asked himself, as he heard rising from below the sounds of the life of the house, and knew that the duties of the camp were awaiting him.
Towards noon in his tent a letter was brought to him. It was from Diana. Trembling he tore it open and read:
"DEAR JIM—Our meeting this morning has revealed me to myself. If you can find it in your interest, I hope you will leave England. I cannot trust myself to say anything more but good-bye. DIANA."
"Revealed me to myself," he repeated. "Oh, Diana, Diana," he whispered.
Yes, he must go.
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1
confession
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| n.自白，供认，承认 | |
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vividly
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| adv.清楚地，鲜明地，生动地 | |
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tragic
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| adj.悲剧的，悲剧性的，悲惨的 | |
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4
numb
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| adj.麻木的，失去感觉的；v.使麻木 | |
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5
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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7
faltering
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| 犹豫的，支吾的，蹒跚的 | |
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8
toddle
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| v.（如小孩）蹒跚学步 | |
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9
poignant
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| adj.令人痛苦的，辛酸的，惨痛的 | |
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10
anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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11
craving
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| n.渴望,热望 | |
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12
smothered
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| （使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制 | |
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13
longing
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| n.（for）渴望 | |
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14
spasm
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| n.痉挛，抽搐；一阵发作 | |
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15
sob
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| n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣 | |
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16
wilful
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| adj.任性的，故意的 | |
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17
doorway
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| n.门口，(喻)入门；门路，途径 | |
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18
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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19
alleviated
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| 减轻，缓解，缓和( alleviate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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20
beckoning
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| adj.引诱人的，令人心动的v.（用头或手的动作）示意，召唤( beckon的现在分词 ) | |
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21
abruptness
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| n. 突然，唐突 | |
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22
streaks
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| n.（与周围有所不同的）条纹( streak的名词复数 )；（通常指不好的）特征（倾向）；（不断经历成功或失败的）一段时期v.快速移动( streak的第三人称单数 )；使布满条纹 | |
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23
writhing
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的现在分词 ) | |
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24
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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apparition
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| n.幽灵，神奇的现象 | |
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26
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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27
flicker
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| vi./n.闪烁，摇曳，闪现 | |
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28
instinctively
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| adv.本能地 | |
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29
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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30
furrowed
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| v.犁田，开沟( furrow的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31
crunching
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| v.嘎吱嘎吱地咬嚼( crunch的现在分词 )；嘎吱作响；（快速大量地）处理信息；数字捣弄 | |
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32
tantalizing
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| adj.逗人的；惹弄人的；撩人的；煽情的v.逗弄，引诱，折磨( tantalize的现在分词 ) | |
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33
fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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34
drenched
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| adj.湿透的；充满的v.使湿透( drench的过去式和过去分词 )；在某人（某物）上大量使用（某液体） | |
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35
tangle
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| n.纠缠；缠结；混乱；v.(使)缠绕；变乱 | |
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36
unravel
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| v.弄清楚（秘密）；拆开，解开，松开 | |
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37
chaotic
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| adj.混沌的，一片混乱的，一团糟的 | |
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38
uprooting
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| n.倒根，挖除伐根v.把（某物）连根拔起( uproot的现在分词 )；根除；赶走；把…赶出家园 | |
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39
dented
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| v.使产生凹痕( dent的过去式和过去分词 )；损害；伤害；挫伤（信心、名誉等） | |
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40
carvings
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| n.雕刻( carving的名词复数 )；雕刻术；雕刻品；雕刻物 | |
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41
shafts
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| n.轴( shaft的名词复数 )；（箭、高尔夫球棒等的）杆；通风井；一阵（疼痛、害怕等） | |
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42
lighting
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| n.照明，光线的明暗，舞台灯光 | |
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43
mounds
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| 土堆，土丘( mound的名词复数 )； 一大堆 | |
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44
lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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45
moor
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| n.荒野，沼泽；vt.(使)停泊；vi.停泊 | |
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46
virgin
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| n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的 | |
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47
flaunting
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| adj.招摇的，扬扬得意的，夸耀的v.炫耀，夸耀( flaunt的现在分词 )；有什么能耐就施展出来 | |
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48
shudder
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| v.战粟，震动，剧烈地摇晃；n.战粟，抖动 | |
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49
tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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50
outraged
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| a.震惊的，义愤填膺的 | |
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51
vile
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| adj.卑鄙的，可耻的，邪恶的；坏透的 | |
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52
feverish
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| adj.发烧的，狂热的，兴奋的 | |
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53
plunged
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| v.颠簸( plunge的过去式和过去分词 )；暴跌；骤降；突降 | |
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54
thicket
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| n.灌木丛，树林 | |
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55
wayfarer
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| n.旅人 | |
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56
appreciation
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| n.评价；欣赏；感谢；领会，理解；价格上涨 | |
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glistening
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| adj.闪耀的，反光的v.湿物闪耀，闪亮( glisten的现在分词 ) | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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59
glades
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| n.林中空地( glade的名词复数 ) | |
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60
ripples
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| 逐渐扩散的感觉( ripple的名词复数 ) | |
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61
scented
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| adj.有香味的；洒香水的；有气味的v.嗅到(scent的过去分词) | |
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heliotrope
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| n.天芥菜；淡紫色 | |
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63
aperture
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| n.孔，隙，窄的缺口 | |
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64
sensuous
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| adj.激发美感的；感官的，感觉上的 | |
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espied
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| v.看到( espy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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exclamation
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| n.感叹号，惊呼，惊叹词 | |
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67
awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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delirium
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| n. 神智昏迷,说胡话;极度兴奋 | |
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impelled
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| v.推动、推进或敦促某人做某事( impel的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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71
rustling
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| n. 瑟瑟声，沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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72
luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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74
glorified
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| 美其名的，变荣耀的 | |
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75
intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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76
incessant
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| adj.不停的，连续的 | |
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77
slain
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| 杀死，宰杀，杀戮( slay的过去分词 )； (slay的过去分词) | |
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78
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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79
bugle
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| n.军号，号角，喇叭；v.吹号，吹号召集 | |
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80
reiteration
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| n. 重覆, 反覆, 重说 | |
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81
precipice
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| n.悬崖，危急的处境 | |
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