I know that I, Charley Mitford, found it so when I was home for my last Christmas holidays. Everything that went wrong was sure to be my fault; sometimes I was blamed justly, but generally, I thought, unjustly. I will tell you about one scrape of mine.
My father had invited a middle-aged2 gentleman, who was a learned professor, and a terrible book-worm, to spend a week or two at our house.
I didn’t like Dr. Millbank, and he hated me and all other boys. I generally kept out of his way; but one day, the doctor being in a more friendly and talkative mood than ordinary, I ventured to accompany him into the library, taking care only to speak to him when he condescended3 to speak to me.
The doctor, however, soon became lost in a book, and altogether forgot my presence. I accordingly retired4 into the recess5 of a window, and also engaged myself260 with a book on old sports and pastimes. Dr. Millbank’s back was turned upon me, and he was thoroughly6 lost in his studies.
Now, learned as was the doctor in his special subjects—mostly of the dry-as-dust order—he knew but little of the natural history of magpies7; and at the present moment my interest and the interest of my story is with one of those birds, Jack9 by name.
He was a tame magpie8, a clever talker, and a great pet in our household, though he was as mischievous10, almost, as they said I was.
He came hopping11 into the library, unseen by the doctor, but watched by my observant eyes. He stealthily posted himself on a chair; it seemed that there was something on his mind.
While he was ensconced in his citadel12 of the chair, he kept his cunning, twinkling eyes fixed13 on the doctor’s silver spectacles on his nose. Magpies are fond of pilfering14 bright or glittering articles, and with secret joy I saw that Jack was meditating15 a theft.
Perched, however, in his elevated position, and seeing no hope for the present of purloining17 the spectacles, he stealthily took the leather case which the doctor had laid upon the table after taking the glasses therefrom. Then he stealthily hopped18 out of the room.
A few minutes later, the doctor, weary of his book, took his spectacles from his nose, and naturally enough, sought the case to place them in. The case was not to be found.
“This is most mysterious. I know I placed it on the261 table. Dear me! dear me! always something to annoy me!”
It was very wrong, no doubt, to laugh at the misfortunes or annoyances19 of other people, but I was home for the holidays, you know, and I really couldn’t help it. He laid down his spectacles on the table, while he took a walk round the room, frowning in his displeasure and mystification. Then he espied20 me lounging with outstretched legs in the recess with my book of sports.
“Ah, ah, Master Charles, and so you are the culprit, are you?”
“Sir!” I exclaimed, affecting to be ignorant of his meaning.
“My spectacle-case—where is it?”
“Spectacle-case? I have not got it.”
“What! Why, I laid it beside me on the table, and now it is gone! You should not take such liberties with your elders.”
“Why, sir, I have not moved from the spot where I am sitting, and it is a very hard case for me to be accused of removing it.”
“Your joke is impertinent at a time like this. You are the only person, as I said before, who has been in the library since I have been reading here——”
“Excuse me, doctor——”
“Do not interrupt me, Master Charles. I must ring the bell for your father. Boys home for the holidays take so much license21 nowadays that really they have become an intolerable nuisance. There should be no school holidays if I could have my way.”
262
As he spoke22, the doctor advanced to the bell-rope. He walked with his back toward the door, and as he did so my old friend Jack, the magpie, came hop-hop-hopping in, and his thievish eye at once fell upon the silver specs, which the enraged23 man had laid down on the very spot on the table where before he had laid the case which had so disgraced me in his eyes.
Jack quietly hopped upon his old quarters in the armchair and as quickly possessed24 himself of the envied trophy25, and I became the innocent witness of another theft much greater than the last.
Deeper disgrace to me, I thought; but as the doctor was evidently sure I was the culprit, and was not likely to accept any explanation from me, I thought it best to keep quiet, though by this I no doubt made myself Jack’s accessory.
A servant answered the bell, and he was requested to send my father hither, and, of course, my father came.
“Well, doctor, what can I have the pleasure of doing for you?” he inquired. “You appear agitated—what is the matter?”
“Look here, sir, if you please,” said the doctor to my father. “I laid my spectacle-case on the table where you see my glasses,” and here he pointed26 to the table, and my father looked on the spot indicated, and said:
“Where, doctor, where? I see no glasses.”
We were all standing27 some distance from the table, and the doctor could not see what was on it; he only spoke from the knowledge that he had placed his spectacles on the table, to which he now drew near,263 when, to his great surprise, and to my greater amusement, he made the same discovery that my father had done, that there were no glasses there.
“Why, sir, not five minutes ago I laid my glasses on this spot!” he exclaimed, giving the table rather a loud rap with his knuckles28, which did not harm the table, though it did the knuckles, as the doctor’s screwed-up face indicated. “There, sir, exactly there—and now you see with your own eyes that both case and spectacles are gone!”
“It is a very mysterious occurrence, Dr. Millbank,” remarked my father.
“I cannot say that I see any mystery about it, sir; I am no believer in spiritualism, but I am in logic29. I laid the spectacles and case there on that table. They are now gone—no one has been in the room but Master Charles.”
“Ergo, Master Charles must have them,” interrupted my father. “That is the true inference of your logic.”
Just then, another visitor came hopping into the room—no less than my father’s favorite, Jack, the magpie. My father was now seated by the side of the doctor, and the bird, as was his custom, hopped and flew to his shoulder, which was his favorite perch16 when he had the opportunity.
“Well pa,” said the cunning bird, bending his head and beak30 to my parent’s face.
“And what do you want, Master Jack?”
“Sho!” said the magpie, which was another daily264 phrase of his which he had picked up. Then he pretended to be sleepy, winking31 and blinking, and even yawning and crying, “Poor Jack! poor Jack!”
“A fine, rare bird, Mr. Mitford, is your magpie,” said the doctor, who would not have said so much had he known, as I did, that Jack was the author of his misery32.
“By the by,” cried my father, “I wonder if the magpie has taken the things from the table!”
“Tell the truth!” I said, catching33 the bird up by his tail, much to his displeasure. “What have you done with the spectacles?”
“Sho!” screamed the bird, making divers34 pecks at my hands.
“Depend upon it, my friend,” said my father, “it is the magpie who is the thief.”
“Easier said than proved, dear sir,” replied the doctor. “I know this, however, that I would not keep a bird capable of such thefts. But I am surprised, Mr. Mitford, that you should suggest such a solution of the mystery. It is quite a vulgar error to suppose that magpies are thieves of anything but that which contributes to their sustenance35. If a magpie will take one bright thing he will take another. There is a silver pencil-case,” said the incredulous doctor, placing it on the table, when, to his great surprise, the bird, that had hitherto been immovable, hopped from my father’s shoulder to the armchair. “Now, sir, if the bird took my glasses, and if it is his nature to steal, he will soon possess himself of the pencil-case.”
265 “Not when he is observed, perhaps. Jack, like human thieves, doesn’t like his evil propensities36 to be seen.”
“Then let us all three retire and leave the magpie with the pencil-case. What then?”
“Why, that when we return you will find the bird and the case both flown.”
“A bargain, sir!” said the doctor, quite pleased that he should soon have the satisfaction of proving my father in the wrong.
We all retired to the dining-room, and had a little agreeable talk about magpies, and the plot that had been laid to discover whether Jack was a thief or not.
An hour later I asked whether I should go and look after the bird and the case.
“No, thanks, Master Charles,” said the doctor, “I object to that; you are home for the holidays. We will all go together when your father is prepared.”
“I am quite ready, sir.”
So we all three went to the library and to the table. Bird and pencil-case had vanished! The doctor was astonished; I and my father were not, but laughed to each other at the doctor’s expression of surprise.
“What do you say now, doctor?” quizzed my delighted parent.
“That they are gone!” he replied.
“It could not be by ‘the boy home for the holidays,’ now, could it?”
“But the bird, sir—where is the bird?” exclaimed the doctor, who fairly felt himself in a dilemma37.
266 “Gone to his storehouse,” replied my father.
“And where is that?”
“I have not been able to discover.”
“Have you taken any means to do so?”
“I have not. Can you suggest any?” inquired my father.
“Watch him,” was the laconic38 but sensible reply.
“But the cunning fellow has committed his depredations39 when he has not been seen.”
“Plant some temptation for him, as now, and then place three or four persons to watch where he takes it.”
“A very good idea, and I will follow it out now, if you please.
“I should like very much, for my curiosity is now deeply excited. Ah! Master Charles, you are a boy of an excellent temper to bear so well as you have done with my petulance40 and hasty conclusions.”
“Now,” said my father, “I will place my gold pencil-case on the spot where you placed your silver one, and then wait the return of the sly old bird.”
This was done, and it was not many minutes before the bird entered, no doubt to see if there were any more bright things to be taken away. What! another pencil-case for Jack! No one was in the room but the doctor, who this time pretended to be deeply engaged in a book, as I had before done, while I and my father planted ourselves in unseen places outside the room. The bird was not slow in accomplishing his theft, and as quickly hopped out of the library with the pencil-case.
“Seeing is believing!” exclaimed the doctor, closing267 the book with a loud bang. “I wouldn’t keep a magpie for the world.”
Then he made his way to the courtyard, where I and my father had stationed ourselves. We had not been long here before the bird came hopping along with the pencil-case in his beak, and he flew to the top of a loft41.
The doctor’s countenance42 expressed indescribable surprise, while I and my father laughed heartily43 as Jack flew up to his hiding place.
We all ascended44 the ladder, and when we had got to the roof, there, in a leaden valley between two angles, we discovered a hoard45 of bright things, among others the cases and spectacles belonging to Dr. Millbank!
“What do you say now, doctor?” triumphantly46 asked my father, extending his hands over the magpie’s storehouse and handing him back his property.
“That I will never keep a magpie,” he returned, shaking his head, placing his hands behind the tail of his long clerical-cut coat, and blushing and laughing.
During a little conversation between us on the top of the loft the saucy47 bird returned, looking unutterable things and screaming when he saw us there and his hoard disturbed.
When the doctor held up his glasses, and was about to admonish48 him, the bird turned tail upon us and flew off, croaking49 “Sho! Sho!” and we did not see him for two days afterward50. He was evidently deeply offended; indeed, Jack was not the same bird afterward, and was even cold and indifferent to the caress51 of my father; as for “Master Charles,” he dare not touch Jack’s tail.
268 On taking his departure, the doctor, smiling good-naturedly, remarked:
“I assure you, Mr. Mitford, until now I set down all these wonderful stories of animals that we meet with as fabulous52. But your bird, sir, has taught me a wholesome53 lesson, that things may nevertheless be true, whether we believe them or not; and, further, I have had a warning not to be too hasty in coming to conclusions with boys home for the holidays upon circumstantial evidence; and still further, that as long as I wear spectacles I will never keep a magpie.”
We each and all had a hearty54 laugh, a shake of the hand, and the doctor took his departure. When he next loses his spectacles he will inquire if there is a magpie around.
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1
mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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2
middle-aged
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| adj.中年的 | |
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3
condescended
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| 屈尊，俯就( condescend的过去式和过去分词 )； 故意表示和蔼可亲 | |
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4
retired
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| adj.隐退的，退休的，退役的 | |
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5
recess
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| n.短期休息，壁凹（墙上装架子，柜子等凹处） | |
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6
thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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7
magpies
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| 喜鹊（magpie的复数形式） | |
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8
magpie
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| n.喜欢收藏物品的人，喜鹊，饶舌者 | |
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9
jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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10
mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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11
hopping
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| n. 跳跃 动词hop的现在分词形式 | |
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12
citadel
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| n.城堡；堡垒；避难所 | |
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13
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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14
pilfering
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| v.偷窃（小东西），小偷( pilfer的现在分词 )；偷窃（一般指小偷小摸） | |
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15
meditating
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| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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16
perch
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| n.栖木，高位，杆；v.栖息，就位，位于 | |
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17
purloining
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| v.偷窃( purloin的现在分词 ) | |
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18
hopped
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| 跳上[下]( hop的过去式和过去分词 )； 单足蹦跳； 齐足（或双足）跳行； 摘葎草花 | |
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19
annoyances
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| n.恼怒( annoyance的名词复数 )；烦恼；打扰；使人烦恼的事 | |
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20
espied
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| v.看到( espy的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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21
license
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| n.执照，许可证，特许；v.许可，特许 | |
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22
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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23
enraged
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| 使暴怒( enrage的过去式和过去分词 )； 歜； 激愤 | |
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24
possessed
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| adj.疯狂的；拥有的，占有的 | |
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25
trophy
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| n.优胜旗，奖品，奖杯，战胜品，纪念品 | |
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26
pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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27
standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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28
knuckles
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| n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝 | |
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29
logic
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| n.逻辑(学)；逻辑性 | |
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30
beak
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| n.鸟嘴，茶壶嘴，钩形鼻 | |
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31
winking
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| n.瞬眼，目语v.使眼色( wink的现在分词 )；递眼色（表示友好或高兴等）；（指光）闪烁；闪亮 | |
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32
misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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33
catching
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| adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住 | |
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34
divers
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| adj.不同的；种种的 | |
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35
sustenance
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| n.食物，粮食；生活资料；生计 | |
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36
propensities
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| n.倾向，习性( propensity的名词复数 ) | |
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37
dilemma
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| n.困境，进退两难的局面 | |
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38
laconic
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| adj.简洁的；精练的 | |
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39
depredations
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| n.劫掠，毁坏( depredation的名词复数 ) | |
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40
petulance
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| n.发脾气，生气，易怒，暴躁，性急 | |
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41
loft
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| n.阁楼，顶楼 | |
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42
countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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43
heartily
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| adv.衷心地，诚恳地，十分，很 | |
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44
ascended
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| v.上升，攀登( ascend的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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45
hoard
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| n./v.窖藏，贮存，囤积 | |
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46
triumphantly
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| ad.得意洋洋地；得胜地；成功地 | |
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47
saucy
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| adj.无礼的；俊俏的；活泼的 | |
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48
admonish
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| v.训戒；警告；劝告 | |
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49
croaking
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| v.呱呱地叫( croak的现在分词 )；用粗的声音说 | |
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50
afterward
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| adv.后来；以后 | |
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51
caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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52
fabulous
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| adj.极好的；极为巨大的；寓言中的，传说中的 | |
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53
wholesome
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| adj.适合；卫生的；有益健康的；显示身心健康的 | |
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54
hearty
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| adj.热情友好的；衷心的；尽情的，纵情的 | |
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