"I wonder if you'd tell Bess there's lunch waiting to be taken. I daren't leave the butter this half-hour."
"Where shall I find her?" Peter asked.
"She's in the loft, to be sure."
Peter went slowly to the yard. He seemed to be two men—one lured6 by the echo of a song, the other hanging upon his feet, unwilling8 that he should move.
The last of the stack had disappeared into the loft, wisps of hay lying in a trail from the foot of the ladder. The yard was empty.
Peter paused at the ladder's foot. Then began slowly to climb.
[Pg 163]
She was resting in a far corner, and he did not see her till he had stepped from the ladder. Then he found himself looking down at her stretched at length upon piles of sweet hay. She had fallen asleep easily as a cat, and, unconscious of her pose, was freely beautiful. Her loveliness caught at Peter. Could she but lie asleep for ever, he could for ever watch. Sleep had smoothed from her features the impudent9 knowledge of her power. Her beauty now lay softly upon her, held in the pure curves of her throat.
Peter leaned breathlessly towards her, filling his eyes. Had he really feared this magic? Such loveliness as this his soul had caught at in scattered10 dreams, and now it fronted him, and he had feared to take it. Surely he had fancied that the smile of her perfect mouth was hateful, that her eyes, so beautifully lidded, had in their pride and gluttony dismayed him.
Peter dropped softly beside her. She seemed too like a fairy to be rudely touched. He delicately brushed her lips in a kiss scarcely to be felt. She started and sat upright, alert in every fibre.
Peter saw again the creature who had troubled him. He was looking into greedy pools where her lids had seemed as curtains to hide an intolerable purity.
"You kissed me?"
"It was not you," Peter muttered.
"Funny boy! How long have you been here?"
[Pg 164]
"I have come to say that lunch is waiting."
"Peter." She sang the name in her low voice, as though she were trying the sound of it.
"You kissed me, Peter. Tell me. How do I look, asleep?"
Peter closed his eyes.
"You are beautiful."
"Even you can see that," she flashed.
Peter felt she was profaning11 her loveliness. He kept his eyes painfully closed. She looked at him, partly in anger, partly in contempt.
"Good boy. So very good," she murmured.
As he opened his eyes, she dropped lightly towards him. In a flash she had taken his neck between her hands, and he felt her lips and teeth upon the muscles of his neck, where her eyes had rested when first he had read them.
Then she nestled there with a little purr.
Peter broke roughly away, and she laughed.
"Good boy." She mocked him again from the ladder as she went down.
Peter waited with clenched12 hands till the trembling of the ladder had ceased. Then he looked into the yard. She had not yet disappeared. A young farmer had ridden into the drive, and was talking to her from his horse. She seemed to be deprecating his anger. They paused in their talk as Peter drew near them. The man was good-looking, with honest eyes. But he looked at Peter with angry suspicion, carefully[Pg 165] searching his face, as though he desired to remember him if they should meet again.
That afternoon Peter left the farm and walked into the country. Thunder echoed among the hills, seeming the voice of his trouble. He was humiliated13 by the lure7 of a woman he disliked and feared. He vehemently14 told himself that he would break away. But he continually felt the strong tug15 of her sex. He shook under the pressure of her mouth, his neck yet bitten with that strange caress16. He shunned17 the memory, yet returned to it, thrilling with an excitement, sweet even as it stung him.
The thunder waited among the hills all that day. As the evening wore, and Peter, back at the farm, watched the summer lightning come and go, it seemed as though batteries were closing in from all points of the heaven. But the sky was still open to the stars, and there was no rain.
Peter stood with the farmer by the garden gate. He told Peter that the little hill where they united was mysteriously immune, in a tempest, from the water which deluged18 the valley.
As Peter, with his thoughts full of the farmer's granddaughter, listened to the farmer's tale of a dry storm which, with never a spot of rain, had fired the stack in the yard, it seemed as though, now and then, he could hear her low singing. It floated on the heavy air. Peter could scarcely tell whether it were really her voice or an echo in[Pg 166] his tired brain. He strained his ears, between the pauses of the farmer's talk. The low note swelled19 and died.
The farmer moved into the house, and Peter could more connectedly listen. Now he heard it clearly, a faint persistent20 singing, implacably fascinating. To find that voice was above all things to be desired.
Peter listened, faint at heart with a struggle which suddenly seemed foolish. Pleasure caught at him. He saw her beautiful, as when she slept, the low notes of her voice breathed from lips that were neither mocking nor cruel. Her hands again crept upon his throat, and he did not draw away. He needed them.
Where should he find her? Peter went like a young animal, tracking through the dark. He paused, quietly alert; as he discovered that her murmuring came from the loft where he had found her sleeping. He climbed the ladder, and stepped into the darkness. The singing stopped, and he stood still while his eyes measured the place. At last he saw her almost at his feet. He dropped beside her without a word. She did not stir, but said as softly as though she feared to frighten him away:
"So you have come to me?"
Her voice was very gentle. It was the voice of the woman who had slept.
Peter could descry21 her now, half sitting against[Pg 167] the hay. He perceived only the curve of her face and neck beautifully poised22 above him, for he had fallen at her feet.
"I cannot see you," she said. "Are you still afraid and angry?"
She stooped over him, trying to read his face. She was very quiet. Her voice parted the still air as placidly23 as a dropped stone makes eddies24 in the water.
It seemed to offer him an endless comfort.
"I had to come to you," he whispered.
She gathered him into her arms, and kissed him as softly as he had kissed her sleeping. Peter felt as though he were sinking. As she drew her cool hands across his forehead and took his face between them, he found her tender and compelling, and he leaned upon her bosom25 with the waters of pleasure closing above him.
But the girl had played too long with her passion. She had met him delicately, deliberately26 holding back her greed, enjoying the tumult28 in herself and the coming delight of throwing the barriers down. She bent29 to kiss Peter a second time, and Peter waited for the caress of her song made visible. But, even as she stooped, there came into her eyes a lust30 which the darkness covered.
Suddenly the veil was torn. A vivid flash of lightning lit her, and flickered31 away, snatched from cloud to cloud above them. For an instant Peter[Pg 168] saw her eyes as she stooped to him. Then darkness blotted32 her out, and her mouth closed down upon him.
He struggled in her arms. She did not measure the strength of his revolt, but held him fast.
"Kiss me, Peter."
The words were hot upon his cheek.
Peter put forth33 his whole strength, and she staggered away from him. There was a short silence. She had fallen back from the excess of his recoil34. He saw her dimly rise from among the hay.
"You beast!"
The words hissed35 at him in the dark. Venomous anger was in her tone, and bitter contempt.
There was a silence in which their pulses could be heard. Then she spoke36 again.
"Why did you come to me?"
Peter could not answer. His soul was a battlefield between forces stronger than himself. She walked to the door, and Peter stared vacantly at her going. The next moment he was alone.
"Why did you come to me?"
The question beat at Peter's brain all through the dreadful night. Scarcely had he got back to his room than the storm burst from the four quarters with incredible light and clamour. But Peter's ears were deaf and his eyes were blind. He sat at his window, but heard neither the rain rushing in the valley below, nor the intolerable[Pg 169] din27 in the sky above him where still the stars were clear.
Had he acted the green fool, or was he proved of a finer clay than he had allowed? He had drifted towards this girl to take her, obeying the blind motion of his blood. Then fiercely his whole being had revolted. He could not do this thing. Was his refusal a base fear of life? Had he denied his youth and the power of passion? He could not measure his deed. He now saw something fine, something consistent and strong in the girl he had refused. His own share of the story seemed only contemptible37. It was even absurd. He had ineffectually played with forces beyond him.
Had he really thwarted38 and denied his nature? He asked it again and again. He had wanted the girl. He wanted her yet. But he could not take her with his whole soul. Therefore he could not take her at all. What was the meaning of this ugly riddle39? Why was he monstrously40 drawn41 to a thing he could not do?
He denied with his whole soul that he lacked passion—the gift without which man is a creeping thing. His passion even now outplayed the lightning which forked and ran and fired the trees in the valley.
Thus Peter went wearily round his conduct of the last few hours, without advancing. Late in the night he packed to leave in the morning, and[Pg 170] afterwards tried to sleep. But his tired brain trod the old circle of his thoughts—catching at his sleep with pale gleams of speculation42, calling him into momentary43 consciousness, suffering him only briefly44 to forget.
In the morning he was flushed and uncertain. He shivered from time to time, though the storm had not lifted the summer heat. He had never felt so tired, and so utterly45 without strength or comfort.
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1
remains
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| n.剩余物，残留物；遗体，遗迹 | |
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2
loft
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| n.阁楼，顶楼 | |
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3
halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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4
miserably
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| adv.痛苦地；悲惨地；糟糕地；极度地 | |
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5
detested
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| v.憎恶，嫌恶，痛恨( detest的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6
lured
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| 吸引，引诱（lure的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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7
lure
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| n.吸引人的东西，诱惑物；vt.引诱，吸引 | |
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8
unwilling
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| adj.不情愿的 | |
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9
impudent
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| adj.鲁莽的，卑鄙的，厚颜无耻的 | |
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10
scattered
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| adj.分散的，稀疏的；散步的；疏疏落落的 | |
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11
profaning
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| v.不敬( profane的现在分词 )；亵渎，玷污 | |
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12
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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13
humiliated
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| 感到羞愧的 | |
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14
vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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15
tug
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| v.用力拖(或拉)；苦干；n.拖；苦干；拖船 | |
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16
caress
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| vt./n.爱抚，抚摸 | |
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17
shunned
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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18
deluged
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| v.使淹没( deluge的过去式和过去分词 )；淹没；被洪水般涌来的事物所淹没；穷于应付 | |
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19
swelled
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| 增强( swell的过去式和过去分词 )； 肿胀； （使）凸出； 充满（激情） | |
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20
persistent
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| adj.坚持不懈的，执意的；持续的 | |
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21
descry
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| v.远远看到；发现；责备 | |
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22
poised
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| a.摆好姿势不动的 | |
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placidly
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| adv.平稳地，平静地 | |
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24
eddies
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| （水、烟等的）漩涡，涡流( eddy的名词复数 ) | |
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25
bosom
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| n.胸，胸部；胸怀；内心；adj.亲密的 | |
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26
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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27
din
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| n.喧闹声，嘈杂声 | |
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28
tumult
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| n.喧哗；激动，混乱；吵闹 | |
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29
bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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30
lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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31
flickered
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| （通常指灯光）闪烁，摇曳( flicker的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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32
blotted
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| 涂污( blot的过去式和过去分词 )； （用吸墨纸）吸干 | |
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33
forth
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| adv.向前；向外，往外 | |
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34
recoil
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| vi.退却，退缩，畏缩 | |
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35
hissed
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| 发嘶嘶声( hiss的过去式和过去分词 )； 发嘘声表示反对 | |
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36
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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37
contemptible
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| adj.可鄙的，可轻视的，卑劣的 | |
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38
thwarted
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| 阻挠( thwart的过去式和过去分词 )； 使受挫折； 挫败； 横过 | |
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39
riddle
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| n.谜，谜语，粗筛；vt.解谜，给…出谜，筛，检查，鉴定，非难，充满于；vi.出谜 | |
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40
monstrously
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41
drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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42
speculation
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| n.思索，沉思；猜测；投机 | |
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43
momentary
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| adj.片刻的，瞬息的；短暂的 | |
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44
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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45
utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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