Peter knew her impulse was rooted in honour. He exaggerated the evil of his graceless words, treading the familiar way of abasement4 and remorse5. He now desired only to be pardoned. He called upon her at an early hour.
Vivette had spent the time wondering at depths in herself unsuspected. Hitherto her life had run a career of adventurous6 and impulsive7 hedonism. She had loved easily, and easily taken the thing she desired. She only asked of life that delicacy8 and fair play should not be offended. She did not understand virtue9. Her principle had always been lightly to take the way of least resistance. Now, suddenly from somewhere, sprang a devoted10 altruism—a passionate11 resolution that another should see life beautifully open its treasure.
Her impulse had been to save Peter from sordidly12 failing. She had not acted from jealousy13. She had never less been sensually led than when she had entreated14 Peter. Her lips curved in[Pg 299] contemplation of a discovered irony15 in things. Peter had urged her to be serious. Very well: Peter should that day be made to realise how serious she could be. She had decided16 to talk to him frankly17. She would not repeat her offer or allow it now to be accepted. She was glad that it had the previous evening miscarried. She had thought of a better way. Peter must be made to understand his condition.
She did not admit that her offer had been wrongly made. Peter's adventure would not with her have ended perfectly18; but neither would it have ended in a fruition merely brutal19. She realised how gradually he was losing grip of himself, and saw him soon as tinder for any woman with brains and a high temperature. She saw him slipping his self-respect. She would last night have saved him from the worst. There was friendliness20 and grace enough between them to justify21 their passion. But Vivette was now differently inspired. Surely Peter could be braced22 and stiffened23. He was not yet attacked in his will. He was merely blind and drifting, perhaps unaware24 of his trouble.
He found her sitting, an image of graven severity, curiously25 out of tune26 with her cheerful room. He felt like a schoolboy called to repeat a lesson in which he had failed to satisfy.
"I have offended you," he tragically27 began.
But Vivette intended to be strictly28 sensible.
"That is what I want to talk about," she said, very matter-of-fact. "I don't think you [Pg 300]understand what happened last night. I am going to tell you."
Peter was puzzled. She was not Vivette of the shallow eyes. He caught her hands to draw her towards him, but she firmly resisted.
"No, Peter. Sit still and listen to what I have to say."
Peter flung himself, evilly discontented, in a far corner of the settee.
"You always wanted me to be serious," said Vivette, looking at him with some amusement. "But it does not seem to please you."
Peter could not at once recover from his rejected tenderness, but he felt he was behaving badly again. He contrived29 to put a little grace into his manner.
"I will listen," he said briefly30.
"Tell me," Vivette began, "what are you supposed to be doing with yourself?"
"Doing with myself?" he echoed. Already he was conscious of her drift.
"You never talk of your work."
"I am reading for the Bar."
"What does that mean?" she smiled. Vivette had met these young barristers.
"I shall soon be called."
"Till then, you will be waiting for work."
"You are interested?" Peter inquired with an effort to assume an innocent detachment.
"Hasn't it occurred to you," Vivette persisted, "that you're in rather a bad way?"
[Pg 301]
He moved uncomfortably, then rushed to the point:
"You mean I'm just loafing about?"
"You're not really interested in your work."
"You are indeed serious," said Peter, again trying to make light of her catechism. "Aren't you overdoing31 it?"
Vivette sharply rebuked32 him, and he did not again interrupt. She held to him an unflattering mirror in which he saw an image of himself which frightened him. He was rich. He had nothing particular to do. He drifted about, meeting elegant and attractive people—mostly women. Everywhere he unconsciously opened himself to one appeal. He was idle; and he was obsessed33.
He struggled against this indictment34. He even became angry. What did this talk of Vivette really mean? It meant that he desperately35 loved her.
"This obsession36 you tell me of!" he cried. "It is you."
"For the time being," she shortly answered.
"Always," he insisted.
"It might easily be someone else. Think, Peter. Have you once been free during these last years?"
Peter was silent.
"What do you want me to say?" he asked at last.
"I want you to realise there are other things. You must not give way to this fixed37 idea."
[Pg 302]
Where before had Peter heard this? It seemed an echo. But he shut his ears.
"I have only one fixed idea. It is to marry you. You are pleading against yourself, Vivette."
"Put me out of account," she said sharply. "I have already refused."
They were again at the point where last night they had failed to agree.
Peter rose and walked to the end of the room and back to Vivette. He was beginning to measure her strength and subtlety38, and they made it more difficult to lose her. His blood rose against the idea. He caught her roughly by the arm.
"Suppose I cannot put all this away? Suppose it has to be really an episode?"
Her arm tightened39 under his grip. She became cold and hostile.
"I don't understand," she said.
Peter felt his mind twisting like a serpent:
"Will you come back with me to last night?"
"You are talking nonsense. Put your head into your law-books, write plays, travel about—anything."
"I want you, Vivette."
She rose, and stood dismissing him. "This is worse than I thought. You are ready to take the second best."
"You are first and last."
"Therefore," she lashed40 at him, "you want me for a mistress."
"I have asked you to marry me."
[Pg 303]
"Marriage would not be the truth."
Peter clenched41 his hands: "On any terms I must have you."
"That is for me to say."
Peter looked at Vivette and found her inexorably set against him. Clearly she was not that day to be moved. His passion died, and her words went poignantly42 home. He released her arm. His increasing dejection prompted Vivette to soften43 the steel of her manner:
"Cool yourself, Peter. Put me out of your mind. You are not looking for a mistress, and I want you to wait for the real thing."
"To have you would be very real. You have proved already that you love me."
She saw again the serpent's head and crushed it.
"I have loved before," she said deliberately44. "Last night would have meant less to me than to you. Is that what you want?"
Peter cursed himself, and went.
"Good-bye," Vivette called to him. "Next time we meet I expect you to be in a better mind."
Vivette now had leisure to be surprised at herself.
For the first time in her life she had refused something she really wanted. She decided that this was the limit of her generosity45. She had refused Peter for herself, but at any rate no other woman should, without a title, pluck the fruit of her sacrifice. She would closely examine any claim on Peter which might be made.
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1
transgressed
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| v.超越( transgress的过去式和过去分词 )；越过；违反；违背 | |
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2
lapse
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| n.过失，流逝，失效，抛弃信仰，间隔；vi.堕落，停止，失效，流逝；vt.使失效 | |
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3
sincerity
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| n.真诚，诚意；真实 | |
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abasement
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| n.滥用 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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6
adventurous
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| adj.爱冒险的；惊心动魄的，惊险的，刺激的 | |
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7
impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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8
delicacy
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| n.精致，细微，微妙，精良；美味，佳肴 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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10
devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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11
passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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12
sordidly
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| adv.肮脏地；污秽地；不洁地 | |
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jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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14
entreated
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| 恳求，乞求( entreat的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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15
irony
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| n.反语，冷嘲；具有讽刺意味的事，嘲弄 | |
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16
decided
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| adj.决定了的，坚决的；明显的，明确的 | |
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frankly
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| adv.坦白地，直率地；坦率地说 | |
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18
perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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19
brutal
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| adj.残忍的，野蛮的，不讲理的 | |
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20
friendliness
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| n.友谊，亲切，亲密 | |
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21
justify
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| vt.证明…正当(或有理)，为…辩护 | |
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22
braced
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| adj.拉牢的v.支住( brace的过去式和过去分词 )；撑牢；使自己站稳；振作起来 | |
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23
stiffened
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| 加强的 | |
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24
unaware
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| a.不知道的，未意识到的 | |
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curiously
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| adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地 | |
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26
tune
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| n.调子；和谐，协调；v.调音，调节，调整 | |
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27
tragically
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| adv. 悲剧地，悲惨地 | |
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28
strictly
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| adv.严厉地，严格地；严密地 | |
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29
contrived
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| adj.不自然的，做作的；虚构的 | |
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30
briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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31
overdoing
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| v.做得过分( overdo的现在分词 )；太夸张；把…煮得太久；（工作等）过度 | |
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32
rebuked
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| 责难或指责( rebuke的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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33
obsessed
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| adj.心神不宁的,鬼迷心窍的,沉迷的 | |
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34
indictment
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| n.起诉；诉状 | |
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35
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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36
obsession
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| n.困扰，无法摆脱的思想(或情感) | |
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37
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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38
subtlety
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| n.微妙，敏锐，精巧；微妙之处，细微的区别 | |
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39
tightened
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| 收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 )； （使）变紧； （使）绷紧； 加紧 | |
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40
lashed
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| adj.具睫毛的v.鞭打( lash的过去式和过去分词 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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41
clenched
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| v.紧握，抓紧，咬紧( clench的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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42
poignantly
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43
soften
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| v.(使)变柔软；(使)变柔和 | |
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44
deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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45
generosity
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| n.大度，慷慨，慷慨的行为 | |
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