Naomi had met her tragedy. In course of time she recovered from her confinement1, but all the joy of life and motherhood had gone from her. It was inexplicable2 to Reuben that she could mourn so hopelessly over the death of a little weak girl, who would have been nothing but a care and an expense if she had lived. It was[Pg 99] inexplicable that she could take no interest in young Benjamin, a sound, well-made little fellow in spite of his premature3 birth. For the first time she was unable to suckle her baby, and Reuben was forced to engage a nurse, not liking4 the responsibility of bringing him up by hand.
But he was very good to Naomi. He tried to forget her indifference5 to his beloved boys, and to soothe6 and strengthen her into something like her old self. She did not repulse7 him. All the violence and the desperation in her had burnt themselves out during that night of frenzy8. She lay in bed hour after hour without moving, her long hair—which was now beginning to come out in handfuls when she brushed it—spread over the pillow. Her muscles were slack, she lay without any suppleness9, heavy against the mattress10. After some weeks she was able to get up, and go about her duties with the children. She never spoke11 of her misery12, she ate, she sewed, she even gossiped with the neighbours, as before. But something was gone from her—her eye sometimes had a vacant, roving look, her shoulders stooped, and her skin grew sallow.
She was still fond of her children, but in a listless, mechanical way. Sometimes when she had them all gathered round her, for their bedtime or a bath, she would find the tears welling up in her eyes till all the little faces were blurred13. Poor mites14! what future lay ahead of them? They were their father's slaves as well as she—the utmost would be ground out of them as it had been ground out of her.
Once more she had taken up her unwilling15 part in Boarzell's epic16. She was expecting another child for the following spring. This would be her seventh.
She was no longer merely dissatisfied. In her heart she passionately17 rebelled. She hated herself, and her condition, for now she hated Reuben. The vague hostility18 she had felt towards him during Fanny's short[Pg 100] life had given place to a definite hatred19. She looked upon Reuben as the murderer of her child, and she hated him. During the first days of her grief he had been so kind to her that she had grown dependent on him and hatred was delayed, but now dependence20 and dazed gratitude21 had passed away, and in their place was a sick, heavy loathing22 for the man whose neglect and indifference she believed had killed her child. She could not endure the thought of giving him another. Sometimes she thought she would like to kill herself, but she was too weak a soul for anything desperate.
In those days she could not bear the sound of Harry's fiddle23, and he was told he must not play it in the house.
点击收听单词发音
1 confinement | |
n.幽禁,拘留,监禁;分娩;限制,局限 | |
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2 inexplicable | |
adj.无法解释的,难理解的 | |
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3 premature | |
adj.比预期时间早的;不成熟的,仓促的 | |
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4 liking | |
n.爱好;嗜好;喜欢 | |
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5 indifference | |
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎 | |
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6 soothe | |
v.安慰;使平静;使减轻;缓和;奉承 | |
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7 repulse | |
n.击退,拒绝;vt.逐退,击退,拒绝 | |
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8 frenzy | |
n.疯狂,狂热,极度的激动 | |
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9 suppleness | |
柔软; 灵活; 易弯曲; 顺从 | |
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10 mattress | |
n.床垫,床褥 | |
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11 spoke | |
n.(车轮的)辐条;轮辐;破坏某人的计划;阻挠某人的行动 v.讲,谈(speak的过去式);说;演说;从某种观点来说 | |
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12 misery | |
n.痛苦,苦恼,苦难;悲惨的境遇,贫苦 | |
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13 blurred | |
v.(使)变模糊( blur的过去式和过去分词 );(使)难以区分;模模糊糊;迷离 | |
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14 mites | |
n.(尤指令人怜悯的)小孩( mite的名词复数 );一点点;一文钱;螨 | |
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15 unwilling | |
adj.不情愿的 | |
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16 epic | |
n.史诗,叙事诗;adj.史诗般的,壮丽的 | |
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17 passionately | |
ad.热烈地,激烈地 | |
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18 hostility | |
n.敌对,敌意;抵制[pl.]交战,战争 | |
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19 hatred | |
n.憎恶,憎恨,仇恨 | |
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20 dependence | |
n.依靠,依赖;信任,信赖;隶属 | |
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21 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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22 loathing | |
n.厌恶,憎恨v.憎恨,厌恶( loathe的现在分词);极不喜欢 | |
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23 fiddle | |
n.小提琴;vi.拉提琴;不停拨弄,乱动 | |
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