He could not account for it. Women had excited him before, but merely physically3. He took it for granted that they had minds and souls like men, but he had not thought much about that aspect of them or allowed it to enter his calculations. Of late he had scarcely troubled about women at all, having something better to think of.
Now he found himself thrown into a kind of dazzle by Alice Jury. He could not explain it. Her personal[Pg 214] beauty was negligible—"a liddle stick of a thing," he called her; their conversation had been limited almost entirely4 to her tactless questions and his forbearing answers.
"She ?un't my sort," he mumbled5 as he walked home, "she ?un't at all my sort. Dudn't know where Odiam wur—never heard of Boarzell—oh, yes, seems as she remembered hearing something when I t?ald her"—and Reuben's lip curled ironically.
He had not told her of his ambitions with regard to Boarzell, and now he found himself wishing that he had done so. He had been affronted6 by her ignorance, but as his indignation cooled he longed to confide7 in her. Why, he could not say, for unmistakably she "wasn't his sort"; it was not likely that she would sympathise, and yet he wanted to pour all the treasures of his hope into her indifference8. He had never felt like this towards anyone before.
He spent the day restlessly, and the next morning walked over to Cheat Land before half-past ten. Alice Jury opened the door, and looked surprised to see him.
"You said you were coming at eleven. I'm afraid father's out again."
"I wur passing this way, so thought I'd call in on the chance," said Reuben guiltily—"I d?an't mind waiting."
She called a long-legged boy who was weeding among the turnips9, and bade him go over to Puddingcake and fetch the master. Then she led the way to the kitchen, which smelled deliciously of baking bread.
"You don't mind if I go on with my baking? I've twelve loaves in the oven."
"Oh, no," said Reuben, sitting in yesterday's chair, and gazing up at the Rossetti.
"Do you like pictures?" asked Alice, thumping10 dough11.
"Some," said Reuben, "but I like 'em coloured best."
"I paint a little myself," said Alice—"when I've time."
"Wot sort o' things do you paint?"
"Oh, landscapes mostly. That's mine"—and she pointed12 to a little water-colour sketch13 of a barn.
"Could you paint a picture of Odiam?"
"I expect I could—not really well, you know, just something like this."
"Could you paint Boarzell?"
He leaned towards her over the back of his chair.
"Yes, I dare say."
"Could you do it wud all the colours on it and all that?—all the pinks you git on it sometimes, and the lovely yaller the gorse m?akes?"
She was surprised at his enthusiasm. His eyes were kindling14, and a blush was creeping under his sunburn.
"Oh, I could try! Do you want a picture of Boarzell?"
"I'd like one if you could really do it to look natural."
She smiled. "Perhaps I could. But why do you think so much of Boarzell?"
"Because I'm going to m?ake it mine."
"Yours!"
"Yes—I mean to have the whole of it."
"But can you grow anything on a waste like that?"
"I can. I've got near a hundred acres sown already" ... and then all the floodgates that had been shut for so long were burst, and the tides of his confidence rolled out to her, moaning—all the ache of his ambition which nobody would share.
Her eyes were fixed15 on him with their strange spell, and her sharp little face was grave. He knew that she did not sympathise—he had not expected it. But he was glad he had told her.
Her first words startled him.
"Do you think it's worth while?"
"Wot's worth while?"
"To give up so much for the sake of a piece of land." Reuben gaped16 at her.
"I've no right to preach to you; but I think I may be allowed to ask you—'is it worth while?'"
He was too flabbergasted to be angry. The question had simply never come into his experience. Many a man had said, "Do you think you'll do it?" but no one had ever said, "Do you think it's worth while?"
Alice saw her blunder. She saw that she had insulted his ambition; and yet, though she now understood the ferocities of that ambition, it filled her with a definite hostility17 which made her want to fight and fight and fight it with all the strength she had. At the same time, as his surprise collapsed18, his own antagonism19 rose up. He felt a sudden hatred20, not for the girl, but for the forces which somehow he knew she was bringing to oppose him. They faced each other, their eyes bright with challenge, their breasts heaving with a stormier, earthlier emotion—and the white flame of antagonism which divided them seemed at the same time to fuse them, melt them into each other.
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1
annoyance
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| n.恼怒，生气，烦恼 | |
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tingling
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| v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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physically
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| adj.物质上，体格上，身体上，按自然规律 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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mumbled
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| 含糊地说某事，叽咕，咕哝( mumble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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6
affronted
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| adj.被侮辱的，被冒犯的v.勇敢地面对( affront的过去式和过去分词 )；相遇 | |
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7
confide
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| v.向某人吐露秘密 | |
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indifference
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| n.不感兴趣，不关心，冷淡，不在乎 | |
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turnips
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| 芜青( turnip的名词复数 )； 芜菁块根； 芜菁甘蓝块根； 怀表 | |
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10
thumping
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| adj.重大的，巨大的；重击的；尺码大的；极好的adv.极端地；非常地v.重击(thump的现在分词)；狠打；怦怦地跳；全力支持 | |
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11
dough
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| n.生面团；钱，现款 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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sketch
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| n.草图；梗概；素描；v.素描；概述 | |
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14
kindling
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| n. 点火, 可燃物 动词kindle的现在分词形式 | |
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15
fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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16
gaped
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| v.目瞪口呆地凝视( gape的过去式和过去分词 )；张开，张大 | |
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17
hostility
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| n.敌对，敌意；抵制［pl.］交战，战争 | |
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18
collapsed
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| adj.倒塌的 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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