The next morning after this Charles found both the boys at the breakfast-table when he came down. To his surprise, they announced that they were going to help him in the field, that they were willing now to run the risk of being seen by passers-by, though they were going to keep out of sight as much as possible. So, accordingly, they both secured hoes and set to work in the cotton-field.
All that morning they worked with energy, which, no doubt, was due to their long confinement3 and the exhilarating sense of freedom. Mary came down herself at noon and brought them all a delightful4 lunch which she had prepared with her own hands. It was a warm day, with plenty of sunshine, and they all sat in the shade of some oaks which stood on the edge of the field. When the lunch was over Mary got ready to go home and the boys hastened for their hoes, to resume work.
"You are wonderful!" and Mary smiled up at Charles, who was helping5 her put the things back into her basket.
"Because I eat so much?" he jested.
"Because you are having the most remarkable6 effect on my brothers. Even Kenneth has changed. He says he wants to be like you. He sees what your industry is producing for us. We have never had such promising7 crops before. Then—then your talks have done them good. I mean your talks on moral lines."
"'Moral lines,'" he repeated, sadly. "Take it from me that I am a most unworthy adviser8. I do not want to sail under false colors. Your brothers are fortunate in having had their lesson without fatal and lasting9 consequences. As I have told you—as I have tried to have you understand—I shall always be what I am—a man without a home, without a family, without a country, for I cannot legally cast a vote. What your brothers are escaping from—long imprisonment—I am in danger of every hour. So far I have escaped, but I may not be able to keep it up. Do you know—and I must say it now, so that you will understand thoroughly—do you know, while I dread10 being taken back home in shackles11, I dread another thing far more, and that is being arrested here. Your friends would laugh at you for being hoodwinked by a criminal tramp in whom you have such absurd confidence as to give him food and shelter."
Mary's eyes were full of unshed tears. She hastily crammed12 the table-cloth into the basket. "Why are you talking to me like this to-day, when I was so happy?" she gulped13.
"Because you insist on saying things about my—my worthiness14, when I am so overwhelmingly unworthy," he answered, grimly, standing15 over her, his fine brow wrinkled with inner pain and bared to the sun. "Besides, as I say, you must be prepared for it if I suddenly leave without a hint of my intentions. If I could live a thousand years and be trained in the highest modes of expression I could never tell you how much peace and happiness I have found here. This," and he waved his hand over the growing crops—"this has been like the fields and meadows of Paradise into which I walked suddenly like a man who was born blind receiving sight. You say you believe in the existence of God. Sometimes I do, but I wonder really how He could have allowed me to grow unsuspectingly from infancy16 into dissolute manhood, and then send me here? Why did He direct my repentant17 steps to this spot—to this soul-soothing spot which I have enjoyed only to lose?"
"Oh, because of all you have been to us!" the gentle girl softly sobbed18, as she stood by his side. She would have taken his hand but for the nearness of her brothers. "You say you have done wrong in your past. I don't believe it; but I shall not dispute with you over it. I only know that God could not make a man so helpful, so useful as He has you without eventually rewarding him. As Kenneth and Martin are escaping, so shall you escape. Your troubles will not last. As for your going away, you shall not. I say it. You shall not, I could not live without you. I know that as well as I know that you are standing there. I'd follow you to the end of the world. If you went to prison I'd go, too."
"You can't mean that." He bent19 toward the ground and uttered a low moan, and yet his face was ablaze20 with triumphant21 light.
"I do mean it," she reiterated22, "and if you think your running away would save me from silly, weak-minded embarrassment23, you must know that it would kill me. Yes, Charlie, I tell you now that if you leave me and I fail to see you again I'll end my life."
She had stepped close to him and he suddenly drew back.
"Your brothers are looking this way," he warned her.
"I don't care," she blurted24 out, desperately25. "They may know. They adore you as I do. I'll tell them how I feel. They are human. They will understand."
"They would not want you"—Charles sighed—"want you to care for a man who may any day be thrust into jail. Brought up as you have been brought up, with your family back of you, they could not want you to care for a man whose life is the deplorable wreck26 mine is. Our parting is inevitable27. I've tried to see it otherwise for a long time, but in vain. I am responsible for the blight28 that is on me, and I must bear it to the end. Maybe I can tell you more, honorably tell you more, some day, but I cannot do so now. But, after all, even that mild justification29 would do no good. I shall never forget you, but it is your duty to forget me. Women do forget such things, but I shall hold you in my mind and soul forever."
Kenneth was approaching to ask some question of Charles, and in order to hide her distraught face from her brother's view Mary lifted the basket and moved away.
That night the family, including the two boys, sat on the veranda30 after supper. Rowland deported31 himself as if nothing very remarkable had happened in the escape of his sons, but they themselves acted like persons completely changed in character. Kenneth had lost his vaunting air of self-assertion and overconfidence, and was very quiet. Martin was effervescing32 with the sense of his release from the dangers he feared and half lay, half sat with his head in his sister's lap. Mary's hands were gently stroking back his hair, and now and then she bent and whispered something mother-like and tender in his ear.
Dreading33 another reference from the family to the part he had played in their rescue, Charles got up and went to his room. He was tired, but not conscious of it, and not at all sleepy, for his brain was in a whirl with thoughts of what had happened, together with grim cogitations on the course he was trying to lay out for his future guidance.
His reason told him that two courses only lay before him. The more logical seemed to be his abrupt34 disappearance35 from the spot which had become so dear to him. The other alternative was to return to Boston and appeal to William to release him from his agreement. This temptation was by far the greater, and for a moment, in his fancy, it mastered him. That girl—that wonderful girl down-stairs with her brother's head in her lap—might then become his wife. "Wife! wife! wife!"—the very word thrilled him through and through. He was seated on the edge of his bed, his hardened hands clasped between his knees. His muscles were taut36, his face was wet with perspiration37; it trickled38 in cold drops down his neck onto his strong chest. Then another vision was spread before his mental sight. He pictured William as he had last seen him at his desk in the bank at night. He saw himself standing there telling the brother, whom he really loved, that he had come back to undo39 the thing that he himself had proposed. He saw the dumb appeal in the cowering40 man's eyes.
"But you were free," William seemed to say, "and this means death to me. Charlie, it means death!"
"I know, but I now love a noble woman," he heard himself pleading, "and for her sake I must live, and now I have learned what life really means. William, my brother, I have failed in what I undertook to do. I am not an angel. I'm only a man of flesh, blood, and bone—a primitive41 man who knows no law but that of his heart's desire."
He fancied that he saw William's head sink to his desk, the death stamp of agony on his face. He could hear him say: "You are right. I am the one to suffer, not you. Leave me alone this time. I have the same means here in my drawer. I won't fail now. Go home, say nothing, but be there to comfort them when the news is brought."
He saw himself turn away, pass out at the big door and into the lighted streets. It was the old walk home across the Common. Familiar objects were here and there. Celeste met him at the door. He led her into the parlor42 and turned on the light. They faced each other. She, too, had the shadow of death upon her face.
"I know why you've come," he heard her say, resignedly. "I've been expecting it. No man could be unselfish enough to accomplish what you undertook." The light of her affection for him had died out of her eyes. She quivered now in fear and dread.
"I had to do it," he imagined himself saying, in the tone of an executioner hardened to grim duty.
"I understand. We are ready—Ruth and I are ready."
"May I see the child? If she is asleep I won't wake her. But may I have just one look? I have her picture, but that is all of her that was left to me."
She seemed to lead him up the stairs. How like a dream it all was! Celeste moved through the space his thought created as silently as a creeping ray of moonlight. She opened the door of the child's room. The gas burnt low. There was the snowy bed. He dared not look at it quite yet. Around the room crept the eyes of his thought, seeking respite43 from his growing remorse44. There hung dainty dresses. There in the open closet were other things—little boots, slippers45, shoes with skates attached, toys, dolls—and there on the bed—how he loved the child! How he pitied her as she lay asleep with that pink glow of life's alluring46 dawn upon her, unconscious of the blade he had unsheathed.
"Yes, she must be told now," Celeste seemed to say, in vague, ethereal tones. "She is young to shoulder it, but justice must be done even by a child like her. She must not rob you of a single right or privilege."
The child waked. Startled joy blazed in her opening eyes. She uttered a scream of delight and held out her arms. He took her to his breast and clasped her tightly, her fragrant47 cheek against his own, her warm body filling his chilled soul with fresh life.
"I can't do it," he heard himself deciding, and forthwith, the pulsing thing on his breast became the cold drops of sweat which his agony had forced from him. "No, I can't do it," he repeated. "I'll wander again. I've given my word, and I'll keep it."
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1
discreetly
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| ad.(言行)审慎地，慎重地 | |
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disposition
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| n.性情，性格；意向，倾向；排列，部署 | |
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3
confinement
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| n.幽禁，拘留，监禁；分娩；限制，局限 | |
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4
delightful
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| adj.令人高兴的，使人快乐的 | |
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5
helping
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| n.食物的一份&adj.帮助人的，辅助的 | |
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6
remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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7
promising
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| adj.有希望的，有前途的 | |
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adviser
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| n.劝告者，顾问 | |
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9
lasting
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| adj.永久的，永恒的；vbl.持续，维持 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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11
shackles
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| 手铐( shackle的名词复数 )； 脚镣； 束缚； 羁绊 | |
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12
crammed
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| adj.塞满的，挤满的；大口地吃；快速贪婪地吃v.把…塞满；填入；临时抱佛脚( cram的过去式) | |
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13
gulped
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| v.狼吞虎咽地吃，吞咽( gulp的过去式和过去分词 )；大口地吸（气）；哽住 | |
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14
worthiness
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| 价值，值得 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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infancy
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| n.婴儿期；幼年期；初期 | |
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repentant
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| adj.对…感到悔恨的 | |
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18
sobbed
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| 哭泣，啜泣( sob的过去式和过去分词 )； 哭诉，呜咽地说 | |
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bent
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| n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的 | |
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ablaze
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| adj.着火的，燃烧的；闪耀的，灯火辉煌的 | |
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triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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reiterated
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| 反复地说，重申( reiterate的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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blurted
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| v.突然说出，脱口而出( blurt的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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25
desperately
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| adv.极度渴望地，绝望地，孤注一掷地 | |
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26
wreck
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| n.失事，遇难；沉船；vt.(船等)失事，遇难 | |
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27
inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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28
blight
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| n.枯萎病；造成破坏的因素；vt.破坏，摧残 | |
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29
justification
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| n.正当的理由；辩解的理由 | |
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30
veranda
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| n.走廊；阳台 | |
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31
deported
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| v.将…驱逐出境( deport的过去式和过去分词 )；举止 | |
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32
effervescing
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| v.冒气泡，起泡沫( effervesce的现在分词 ) | |
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33
dreading
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| v.害怕，恐惧，担心( dread的现在分词 ) | |
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34
abrupt
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| adj.突然的，意外的；唐突的，鲁莽的 | |
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disappearance
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| n.消失，消散，失踪 | |
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36
taut
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| adj.拉紧的，绷紧的，紧张的 | |
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37
perspiration
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| n.汗水；出汗 | |
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38
trickled
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| v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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39
undo
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| vt.解开，松开；取消，撤销 | |
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40
cowering
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| v.畏缩，抖缩( cower的现在分词 ) | |
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41
primitive
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| adj.原始的；简单的；n.原(始)人，原始事物 | |
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42
parlor
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| n.店铺，营业室；会客室，客厅 | |
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43
respite
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| n.休息，中止，暂缓 | |
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44
remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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45
slippers
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| n. 拖鞋 | |
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alluring
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| adj.吸引人的，迷人的 | |
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47
fragrant
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| adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的 | |
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