CHAPTER XXXI

"'Nothing counts that we do for ourselves,'" Celeste repeated, as she was ascending¹ the stairs to her daughter's room. At the door she paused and listened for a moment, then, softly turning the bolt, she entered the room. The blinds were down to exclude the sunlight which was growing warm. On the great white bed Ruth lay asleep. One plump bare arm, shapely wrist, and hand lay against the mass of golden hair. Celeste stood at the foot of the bed, and with a mother's parched² thirst drank from the picture before her eyes. How beautiful the child was! How exquisite³ the patrician⁴ brow, the neck, the contour of nose, mouth, and chin! How temperamentally sensitive, imaginative, and high-strung! How proud of her father, of his social and financial standing⁶ and his old name of Puritan respectability! How affectionate she was with her mother, how adored by the servants and by her absent uncle!

"She is all I have now!" thought Celeste, as she choked down a sob⁷, "Can I do it—am I able to do it?"

She sat in a rocking-chair near the bed, her gaze still on the child's face. A sudden breeze fanned the shades of the windows inward. She locked her hands in her lap, her thin, blue-veined, irresolute⁸ hands in a lap of stone. "'Nothing counts that we do for ourselves,'" she quoted, uncompromisingly. "If I refuse I'll not be acting⁹ for myself, but for her—my baby—my darling baby! Charlie loved her enough to undertake her rescue, and I must help him carry it through. Yes, I can do that conscientiously¹⁰. It would kill her to learn that her father was a convict. She couldn't grow up under it. It would blight¹¹ her whole existence. At school she would hear it. In society it would be whispered behind her back and thrown in her face. Oh, it can't be! God would not allow it to be. He would not allow the sins of a father to fall on shoulders so frail¹² and helpless. Some coarse children would think nothing of it; it would kill my baby. She would brood over it—oh, I know my child! She would hold it in her mind night and day. From what she now is she would become an embittered¹³ cynic, soured against life and her Creator. She would never marry. She would not want to bring children into a world so full of pain. And yet, and yet—" Celeste rose and went to a window and stood looking out, peering through the small panes¹⁴ as a hopeless prisoner might.

"And yet—justice must be done." Her white lips framed the words which shrank from utterance¹⁵. "Charlie has his rights, and so has the girl he loves. He undertook our rescue without knowing the cost. He was full of repentance¹⁶ at the time over his trivial mistakes, but now he must see it differently. Shall we drive him to roving again? Would God give my child a happy life at such a cost? Would He blight the lives of two of His children for one—and those two wholly innocent? No, justice must be done. It must! It must! It must! But I can't be her executioner. Why, I'm her mother! She is all I have in the world!"

Celeste crept back to the bed and bent¹⁷ over the sleeping child. Her hand went out as if to caress¹⁸ the white brow, but her fingers lifted only a fragrant¹⁹ lock of hair, and this she bent and kissed as soundlessly as the sunlight's vibration²⁰ on the rug-strewn floor.

The next day was Sunday. Leaving her husband and his uncle smoking over their papers in the dining-room, her child in the care of a maid, Celeste slipped away unnoticed. She did not often attend church, but she was going to-day. Why, she could not have explained. It was as if a building with a spire²¹ and chimes, altar and surpliced clergyman, white-robed choristers and bowed suppliants²², would help her make the decision that a long, sleepless²³ night had withheld²⁴. She felt faint as she entered the family pew and bowed her head, for she had taken little nourishment²⁵ since her travail²⁶ began. Somehow her own death seemed a near thing, but she did not care. There were other things so much worse than mere²⁷ death.

She failed to comprehend any part of the sermon which the gray-haired minister was delivering in that far-off, detached tone. She noticed some rings on his stout²⁸ fingers and wondered how such mere trinkets could be worn by an ordained²⁹ helper of the despairing and the God-forsaken. As soon as the service was over she hastened homeward. She told herself that she would act at once and face her husband with a demand that either he or she should perform the bounden duty. But as she entered the door and heard the voices of the two men in the dining-room, and smelled the smoke of their cigars, her courage oozed³⁰ from her. She could not tell them both. Her talk must be for William alone; it would be for him to inform his uncle, and he would do it. William, once shown the right road, would take it. She knew him well enough for that. His wavering for the past year had been like hers, but when he knew all and was faced with the call of justice, as she was facing it, he would obey.

At the foot of the stairs in the hall she paused. Should she go back to the two men, or—It was the rippling³¹ laugh of her child up-stairs, who was being amused by a maid, the joyous³² clapping of a small pair of hands, that drew Celeste up the carpeted steps and into the child's presence.

"Oh, mother, see what she has put on me!" Ruth cried, gleefully, as she sprang into the middle of the room robed in a filmy pink gown which had been made for her use in a class in interpretative dancing, and held out the skirt, forming wings like those of a fairy floating over beds of roses. A circle of artificial flowers rested on the golden tresses. Ruth's eyes were sparkling with delight as she bowed low in one of the postures³³ she had been taught, and then glided³⁴ gracefully³⁵ into her mother's arms.

"Oh, we've had so much fun! Haven't we, Annette?"

"Madame will pardon me," the French maid said. "I know it is Sunday, but she was so full of joy when she waked that—"

"It doesn't matter," Celeste said. "You may go. I'll dress her for dinner myself."

And as she did it, that morning of all mornings to be remembered, Celeste was the most pitiable of all pitiable creatures. Her coming sacrifice was not like that of Abraham in his offering of Isaac to his God, for, while he was a child of God, Abraham was not a mother.

"Justice must be done!" she kept saying. "The happiness of two against the misery³⁶ of one—two against two, in reality; but I don't count, I mustn't count. Charlie said to Michael that nothing counts that we do for ourselves, and this protesting ache within me is self, for my baby is myself. Sweet, sweet little daughter! Mother has the blade ready and must thrust it deep into your joyous heart. Oh, if my cup would only pass, and my will might be done instead of God's!" She held her child on her knees as she took off the pink symbol of dawn and robed her anew. She was laying her child on an altar before God and no sacrificial ram⁵ was in sight.

1 ascending   

adj.上升的，向上的

参考例句：

• Now draw or trace ten dinosaurs in ascending order of size.现在按照体型由小到大的顺序画出或是临摹出10只恐龙。

2 parched   

adj.焦干的；极渴的；v.（使）焦干

参考例句：

• Hot winds parched the crops.热风使庄稼干透了。
• The land in this region is rather dry and parched.这片土地十分干燥。

3 exquisite   

adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的

参考例句：

• I was admiring the exquisite workmanship in the mosaic.我当时正在欣赏镶嵌画的精致做工。
• I still remember the exquisite pleasure I experienced in Bali.我依然记得在巴厘岛所经历的那种剧烈的快感。

4 patrician   

adj.贵族的，显贵的；n.贵族；有教养的人；罗马帝国的地方官

参考例句：

• The old patrician was buried in the family vault.这位老贵族埋在家族的墓地里。
• Its patrician dignity was a picturesque sham.它的贵族的尊严只是一套华丽的伪装。

5 ram   

(random access memory)随机存取存储器

参考例句：

• 512k RAM is recommended and 640k RAM is preferred.推荐配置为512K内存，640K内存则更佳。

6 standing   

n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的

参考例句：

• After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
• They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。

7 sob   

n.空间轨道的轰炸机；呜咽，哭泣

参考例句：

• The child started to sob when he couldn't find his mother.孩子因找不到他妈妈哭了起来。
• The girl didn't answer,but continued to sob with her head on the table.那个女孩不回答，也不抬起头来。她只顾低声哭着。

8 irresolute   

adj.无决断的，优柔寡断的，踌躇不定的

参考例句：

• Irresolute persons make poor victors.优柔寡断的人不会成为胜利者。
• His opponents were too irresolute to call his bluff.他的对手太优柔寡断,不敢接受挑战。

9 acting   

n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的

参考例句：

• Ignore her,she's just acting.别理她，她只是假装的。
• During the seventies,her acting career was in eclipse.在七十年代，她的表演生涯黯然失色。

10 conscientiously   

adv.凭良心地；认真地，负责尽职地；老老实实

参考例句：

• He kept silent,eating just as conscientiously but as though everything tasted alike. 他一声不吭，闷头吃着，仿佛桌上的饭菜都一个味儿。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She discharged all the responsibilities of a minister conscientiously. 她自觉地履行部长的一切职责。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 blight   

n.枯萎病；造成破坏的因素；vt.破坏，摧残

参考例句：

• The apple crop was wiped out by blight.枯萎病使苹果全无收成。
• There is a blight on all his efforts.他的一切努力都遭到挫折。

12 frail   

adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的

参考例句：

• Mrs. Warner is already 96 and too frail to live by herself.华纳太太已经九十六岁了，身体虚弱，不便独居。
• She lay in bed looking particularly frail.她躺在床上，看上去特别虚弱。

13 embittered   

v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• These injustices embittered her even more. 不公平使她更加受苦。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The artist was embittered by public neglect. 大众的忽视于那位艺术家更加难受。 来自《简明英汉词典》

14 panes   

窗玻璃( pane的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• The sun caught the panes and flashed back at him. 阳光照到窗玻璃上，又反射到他身上。
• The window-panes are dim with steam. 玻璃窗上蒙上了一层蒸汽。

15 utterance   

n.用言语表达，话语，言语

参考例句：

• This utterance of his was greeted with bursts of uproarious laughter.他的讲话引起阵阵哄然大笑。
• My voice cleaves to my throat,and sob chokes my utterance.我的噪子哽咽，泣不成声。

16 repentance   

n.懊悔

参考例句：

• He shows no repentance for what he has done.他对他的所作所为一点也不懊悔。
• Christ is inviting sinners to repentance.基督正在敦请有罪的人悔悟。

17 bent   

n.爱好，癖好；adj.弯的；决心的，一心的

参考例句：

• He was fully bent upon the project.他一心扑在这项计划上。
• We bent over backward to help them.我们尽了最大努力帮助他们。

18 caress   

vt./n.爱抚，抚摸

参考例句：

• She gave the child a loving caress.她疼爱地抚摸着孩子。
• She feasted on the caress of the hot spring.她尽情享受着温泉的抚爱。

19 fragrant   

adj.芬香的，馥郁的，愉快的

参考例句：

• The Fragrant Hills are exceptionally beautiful in late autumn.深秋的香山格外美丽。
• The air was fragrant with lavender.空气中弥漫薰衣草香。

20 vibration   

n.颤动，振动；摆动

参考例句：

• There is so much vibration on a ship that one cannot write.船上的震动大得使人无法书写。
• The vibration of the window woke me up.窗子的震动把我惊醒了。

21 spire   

n.(教堂)尖顶，尖塔，高点

参考例句：

• The church spire was struck by lightning.教堂的尖顶遭到了雷击。
• They could just make out the spire of the church in the distance.他们只能辨认出远处教堂的尖塔。

22 suppliants   

n.恳求者，哀求者( suppliant的名词复数 )

参考例句：

23 sleepless   

adj.不睡眠的，睡不著的，不休息的

参考例句：

• The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
• One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上，我听说了一个传闻，把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。

24 withheld   

withhold过去式及过去分词

参考例句：

• I withheld payment until they had fulfilled the contract. 他们履行合同后，我才付款。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• There was no school play because the principal withheld his consent. 由于校长没同意，学校里没有举行比赛。 来自《简明英汉词典》

25 nourishment   

n.食物，营养品；营养情况

参考例句：

• Lack of proper nourishment reduces their power to resist disease.营养不良降低了他们抵抗疾病的能力。
• He ventured that plants draw part of their nourishment from the air.他大胆提出植物从空气中吸收部分养分的观点。

26 travail   

n.阵痛；努力

参考例句：

• Mothers know the travail of giving birth to a child.母亲们了解分娩时的痛苦。
• He gained the medal through his painful travail.他通过艰辛的努力获得了奖牌。

27 mere   

adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过

参考例句：

• That is a mere repetition of what you said before.那不过是重复了你以前讲的话。
• It's a mere waste of time waiting any longer.再等下去纯粹是浪费时间。

29 ordained   

v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定

参考例句：

• He was ordained in 1984. 他在一九八四年被任命为牧师。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He was ordained priest. 他被任命为牧师。 来自辞典例句

30 oozed   

v.（浓液等）慢慢地冒出，渗出( ooze的过去式和过去分词 )；使（液体）缓缓流出；（浓液）渗出，慢慢流出

参考例句：

• Blood oozed out of the wound. 血从伤口慢慢流出来。
• Mud oozed from underground. 泥浆从地下冒出来。 来自《现代汉英综合大词典》

31 rippling   

起涟漪的，潺潺流水般声音的

参考例句：

• I could see the dawn breeze rippling the shining water. 我能看见黎明的微风在波光粼粼的水面上吹出道道涟漪。
• The pool rippling was caused by the waving of the reeds. 池塘里的潺潺声是芦苇摇动时引起的。

32 joyous   

adj.充满快乐的；令人高兴的

参考例句：

• The lively dance heightened the joyous atmosphere of the scene.轻快的舞蹈给这场戏渲染了欢乐气氛。
• They conveyed the joyous news to us soon.他们把这一佳音很快地传递给我们。

33 postures   

姿势( posture的名词复数 )； 看法； 态度； 立场

参考例句：

• Modern consciousness has this great need to explode its own postures. 现代意识很有这种摧毁本身姿态的需要。
• They instinctively gathered themselves into more tidy postures. 她们本能地恢复了端庄的姿态。

34 glided   

v.滑动( glide的过去式和过去分词 )；掠过；（鸟或飞机 ） 滑翔

参考例句：

• The President's motorcade glided by. 总统的车队一溜烟开了过去。
• They glided along the wall until they were out of sight. 他们沿着墙壁溜得无影无踪。 来自《简明英汉词典》

35 gracefully   

ad.大大方方地；优美地

参考例句：

• She sank gracefully down onto a cushion at his feet. 她优雅地坐到他脚旁的垫子上。
• The new coats blouse gracefully above the hip line. 新外套在臀围线上优美地打着褶皱。

36 misery   

n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦

参考例句：

• Business depression usually causes misery among the working class.商业不景气常使工薪阶层受苦。
• He has rescued me from the mire of misery.他把我从苦海里救了出来。