小说搜索     点击排行榜   最新入库
首页 » 经典英文小说 » Were You Ever a Child? » XXV. Love
选择底色: 选择字号:【大】【中】【小】
XXV. Love
关注小说网官方公众号(noveltingroom),原版名著免费领。
REMEMBER that it is not my fault that we find ourselves discussing so inflammable a topic! But if you insist on knowing what education can do to bring our conduct in the realm of love up to the standard of civilization, I can but answer your question. We have found that in the realm of work, civilization demands of us Enterprise, and Democracy, and Responsibility. And I think that all the demands of civilization upon our conduct in the realm of love might be summed up in the same terms. We despise those persons who are afraid of adventure in love; who in devotion to some mawkish1 dream-ideal, turn away from the more difficult and poignant2 realities of courtship and marriage; and we are beginning to despise those whose enterprise is too cheaply satisfied in prostitution or in the undemocratic masculine exploitation of women of inferior economic status; and not only the crasser3 offences against sexual morality, but a[Pg 181] thousand less definable but not less real offences within the realm of legal marriage, may be described as attempts to evade4 responsibility. I leave you to work out the implications of this system of morals for yourself. What I particularly want to speak of here is the effect of parental5 influences upon children with respect to their later love-life, and the function of education in dissolving those influences.

It is no secret that adults generally have not yet learned how to be happy in love. And the reason for that, aside from the economic obstacles to happiness which do not come within the scope of our inquiry6, is that they are still children. They are seeking to renew in an adult relationship the bond which existed between themselves and their parents in infancy7. Or they are seeking to settle a long-forgotten childish grudge8 against their parents, by assuming the parental r?le in this new relationship. And in both efforts, they find themselves encouraged by each other. Naturally enough! A woman likes to discover, and enjoys “mothering,” the child in her husband; she likes to find also in him the god and hero which her father was to her in her infancy. And a happy marriage is one in which a man is at any moment unashamedly her child or (let us not shrink from[Pg 182] using these infantile and romantic terms!) her god. But it is a bore to have to mother a man all the time; it is in fact slavery. And it is equally a bore to have to look up to a man all the time and think him wise and obey him; for that also is slavery. The happy marriage has something else—the capacity for swift and unconscious change and interchange of these r?les. The happy lovers can vary the tenor9 of their relationship because they are free to be more than one thing to each other. And they have that freedom because they are equals. That equality is comradeship, is friendship.

Do not imagine that friendship in love implies any absence of that profound worship and self-surrender which is characteristic of the types of love that are modelled upon the infantile and parental patterns. This is as ridiculous as it would be to suppose that equality in other fields of life means that no one shall ever lead and no one ever follow. Equality in love means only the freedom to experience all, instead of compulsion to experience only a part, of the emotional possibilities of love in a single relationship.

I would gladly explicate this aspect of my theme in some detail, were it not that it might incidentally comprise a catalogue of domestic difficulties[Pg 183] and misunderstandings at once too tragic10 and too ridiculous—and some of you might object to my unfolding what you would consider to be your own unique and private woes11 in public.

I will, therefore, only point out that even what we term the civilized12 part of mankind is far from measuring up to this demand of civilization in the world of love, the demand for equality. It may seem somewhat of an impertinence to blame this fact upon the early influences of the home, when there are so many outstanding customs and laws and economic conditions which are founded on the theory of the inequality of men and women. But these customs and laws and conditions are in process of change—and the home influences of which I speak are not. Our problem is to consider if these influences may not be dissolved by the school. For, mark you, what happens when they are not! Wedded13 love, as based upon those undissolved influences, comes into a kind of disgrace; serious-minded men and women ask themselves whether such a bondage14 is tolerable; a thousand dramas and novels expose the iniquities15 of the thing; and the more intellectually adventurous16 in each generation begin to wonder if the attempt at faithful and permanent love ought not to be abandoned.

[Pg 184]Let me relate only one widely typical—and perhaps only too-familiar—instance. A boy grows up poisoned with mother-love—er, I mean, petted and praised and waited upon by his mother, until he finds the outside world, with its comparative indifference17 to his wonderfulness, a very cold place indeed. Nevertheless, he adjusts himself to it, becomes a man, and falls in love. With whom does he fall in love? Perhaps with a girl like his mother; or perhaps with one quite opposite to her in all respects,—for he may have conceived an unconscious resentment18 against his mother, for betraying him by her praise into expecting too much of an unfeeling world. But in any case, he is going to experience again, in his relationship with his sweetheart, the ancient delights of being mothered. He is going to respond to that pleasure so unmistakably as to encourage the girl in further demonstrations19 of motherliness. He is in fact going to reward her more for motherliness than for any other trait in her possession. And the girl, who wants a lover and a husband and a man, is going to find herself with a child on her hands. But that is not the worst. If the girl does not rebel against the situation, the man is likely to, when he finds out just what it is. For he, too, despite his unconscious infantilism,[Pg 185] wants a girl and a sweetheart and a wife. And when he realizes that he is being sealed up again in the over-close, over-sweet love-nest of his infancy, that he is becoming a baby, he revolts. He does not realize what has happened—he only knows that he no longer cherishes a romantic love for her. Naturally. Romantic love is a love between equals. She has become his mother—and he flees her, and perhaps goes through life seeking and escaping from his mother in half a hundred women. When this happens, we call him a Don Juan or a libertine20 or a scoundrel or a fool. But that does not alter his helplessness in the grip of infantile compulsions.

I do not wish to exaggerate the ability of education to dissolve, without the aid of a special psychic21 technique, any deeply-rooted infantile dispositions22 of this sort; but, aside from such flagrant cases, there are thousands of well-conducted men and women who just fail to free themselves sufficiently23 from the emotions of childhood to be happy in love. Besides their own selves, the sensible adult beings that they believe they are, there are within them pathetic and absurd children whose demands upon the relationship well-nigh tear it to pieces. It is in regard to these that it seems not improbable that a civilized education[Pg 186] could secure their happiness for them. And it would do so by supplanting24 the emotionally over-laden atmosphere of the home with the invigorating air of equality. I refer in particular to equality between the sexes. So long as girls and boys are to any extent educated separately, encouraged to play separately, and treated as different kinds of beings, the remoteness hinders the growth of real friendship between the sexes, and leaves the mind empty of any realistic concepts which would serve to resist the transfer to the other sex, at the romantic age, of repressed infantile feelings about the beloved parent. What we have to deal with in children might without much exaggeration be described as the disinclination of one who has been a lover to become a friend. The emotions of the boy towards his mother are so rich and deep that he is inclined to scorn the tamer emotions of friendship with girl-children. (Notoriously, he falls in love first with older women in whom he finds some idealized image of his mother.) He is contemptuous of little girls because they are not the mother-goddess of his infancy. What he must learn, and the sooner the better, is that girls are interesting human beings, that they are good comrades and jolly playfellows. He must learn to[Pg 187] like them for what they are. Ordinarily, the love-life of the adolescent boy is a series of more or less shocked discoveries that the women upon whom he has set his youthful fancy do not, in fact, correspond to his infantile dream. Half the difficulties of marriage are involved in the painful adjustment of the man to the human realities of his beloved; the other half being, of course, the similarly painful adjustment of the girl to similar human realities. He could be quite happy with her, were the other dear charmer, his infantile ideal, away. And it is one of the functions of education to chase this ideal away, to dissolve the early emotional bond to the parent, by making the real world in general and the real other sex in particular so humanly interesting that it will be preferred to the infantile fantasy.

I may be mistaken, but I think that half of this task will be easy enough. Girls, I am sure, are only in appearance and by way of saving their face, scornful of the activities of boys; they will be glad enough to join with them on terms of complete equality, and ready to admire and like them for what they humanly are. It will not be so easy to persuade boys to admire and like girls for what they are; and it will be the business of the school to dramatize unmistakably for these[Pg 188] young masculine eyes the human interestingness of the other sex—to give the girls a chance to show their actual ability to compete on equal and non-romantic terms with boys in all their common undertakings25.

To make realities more interesting than dreams—that is the task of education. And of all the realities whose values we ignore, in childish preoccupation with our feeble dreams, the human realities of companionship which each sex has to offer the other are among the richest. Despite all our romantic serenadings, men and women have only begun to discover each other. Just as, despite our solemn sermonizings on the blessedness of work, we have only begun to discover what creative activity can really mean to us. Work and love!—

A Voice. “Won’t you please come back to the subject of education?”

What! Is it possible—is it credible—is it conceivable—that you have been following this discussion thus far, and have not yet realized that education includes everything on earth, and in the heavens above and the waters beneath? Come back to the subject of education! Why, it is impossible to wander away from the subject of education! I defy you to do so. All the books that[Pg 189] have ever been written, all the pictures that have ever been painted, all the songs ever sung, all the machines ever invented, all the wars and all the governments, all the joyous26 and sorry loves of men and women, are but part of that vast process, the education of mankind. When you leave this discussion, you will not have dropped the subject; you will continue it in your next conversation, whether it be with your employer or your sweetheart or your milkman. You cannot get away from it. And though you perish, and an earthquake overwhelms your city in ruins, and the continent on which you live sinks in the sea, something that you have done or helped to do, something which has been a part of your life, the twisted fragments of the office building where you went to work or the old meerschaum pipe you so patiently coloured, will be dug up and gazed upon by future generations, and what you can teach them by these poor relics27 if by nothing else, will be a part of their education....

点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 mawkish 57Kzf     
adj.多愁善感的的;无味的
参考例句:
  • A sordid,sentimental plot unwinds,with an inevitable mawkish ending.一段灰暗而感伤的情节慢慢展开,最后是一个不可避免的幼稚可笑的结局。
  • There was nothing mawkish or funereal about the atmosphere at the weekend shows.在周末的发布会上并没有任何多愁善感或者死寂气氛。
2 poignant FB1yu     
adj.令人痛苦的,辛酸的,惨痛的
参考例句:
  • His lyrics are as acerbic and poignant as they ever have been.他的歌词一如既往的犀利辛辣。
  • It is especially poignant that he died on the day before his wedding.他在婚礼前一天去世了,这尤其令人悲恸。
3 crasser fc5fe269ce9a7ae79d596d41b1d78ae6     
adj.愚笨的,粗鲁的,全然不顾他人的( crass的比较级 )
参考例句:
4 evade evade     
vt.逃避,回避;避开,躲避
参考例句:
  • He tried to evade the embarrassing question.他企图回避这令人难堪的问题。
  • You are in charge of the job.How could you evade the issue?你是负责人,你怎么能对这个问题不置可否?
5 parental FL2xv     
adj.父母的;父的;母的
参考例句:
  • He encourages parental involvement in the running of school.他鼓励学生家长参与学校的管理。
  • Children always revolt against parental disciplines.孩子们总是反抗父母的管束。
6 inquiry nbgzF     
n.打听,询问,调查,查问
参考例句:
  • Many parents have been pressing for an inquiry into the problem.许多家长迫切要求调查这个问题。
  • The field of inquiry has narrowed down to five persons.调查的范围已经缩小到只剩5个人了。
7 infancy F4Ey0     
n.婴儿期;幼年期;初期
参考例句:
  • He came to England in his infancy.他幼年时期来到英国。
  • Their research is only in its infancy.他们的研究处于初级阶段。
8 grudge hedzG     
n.不满,怨恨,妒嫉;vt.勉强给,不情愿做
参考例句:
  • I grudge paying so much for such inferior goods.我不愿花这么多钱买次品。
  • I do not grudge him his success.我不嫉妒他的成功。
9 tenor LIxza     
n.男高音(歌手),次中音(乐器),要旨,大意
参考例句:
  • The tenor of his speech was that war would come.他讲话的大意是战争将要发生。
  • The four parts in singing are soprano,alto,tenor and bass.唱歌的四个声部是女高音、女低音、男高音和男低音。
10 tragic inaw2     
adj.悲剧的,悲剧性的,悲惨的
参考例句:
  • The effect of the pollution on the beaches is absolutely tragic.污染海滩后果可悲。
  • Charles was a man doomed to tragic issues.查理是个注定不得善终的人。
11 woes 887656d87afcd3df018215107a0daaab     
困境( woe的名词复数 ); 悲伤; 我好苦哇; 某人就要倒霉
参考例句:
  • Thanks for listening to my woes. 谢谢您听我诉说不幸的遭遇。
  • She has cried the blues about its financial woes. 对于经济的困难她叫苦不迭。
12 civilized UwRzDg     
a.有教养的,文雅的
参考例句:
  • Racism is abhorrent to a civilized society. 文明社会憎恶种族主义。
  • rising crime in our so-called civilized societies 在我们所谓文明社会中日益增多的犯罪行为
13 wedded 2e49e14ebbd413bed0222654f3595c6a     
adj.正式结婚的;渴望…的,执著于…的v.嫁,娶,(与…)结婚( wed的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • She's wedded to her job. 她专心致志于工作。
  • I was invited over by the newly wedded couple for a meal. 我被那对新婚夫妇请去吃饭。 来自《简明英汉词典》
14 bondage 0NtzR     
n.奴役,束缚
参考例句:
  • Masters sometimes allowed their slaves to buy their way out of bondage.奴隶主们有时允许奴隶为自己赎身。
  • They aim to deliver the people who are in bondage to superstitious belief.他们的目的在于解脱那些受迷信束缚的人。
15 iniquities 64116d334f7ffbcd1b5716b03314bda3     
n.邪恶( iniquity的名词复数 );极不公正
参考例句:
  • The preacher asked God to forgive us our sins and wash away our iniquities. 牧师乞求上帝赦免我们的罪过,涤荡我们的罪孽。 来自辞典例句
  • If thou, Lord shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? 3主―耶和华啊,你若究察罪孽,谁能站得住呢? 来自互联网
16 adventurous LKryn     
adj.爱冒险的;惊心动魄的,惊险的,刺激的 
参考例句:
  • I was filled with envy at their adventurous lifestyle.我很羨慕他们敢于冒险的生活方式。
  • He was predestined to lead an adventurous life.他注定要过冒险的生活。
17 indifference k8DxO     
n.不感兴趣,不关心,冷淡,不在乎
参考例句:
  • I was disappointed by his indifference more than somewhat.他的漠不关心使我很失望。
  • He feigned indifference to criticism of his work.他假装毫不在意别人批评他的作品。
18 resentment 4sgyv     
n.怨愤,忿恨
参考例句:
  • All her feelings of resentment just came pouring out.她一股脑儿倾吐出所有的怨恨。
  • She cherished a deep resentment under the rose towards her employer.她暗中对她的雇主怀恨在心。
19 demonstrations 0922be6a2a3be4bdbebd28c620ab8f2d     
证明( demonstration的名词复数 ); 表明; 表达; 游行示威
参考例句:
  • Lectures will be interspersed with practical demonstrations. 讲课中将不时插入实际示范。
  • The new military government has banned strikes and demonstrations. 新的军人政府禁止罢工和示威活动。
20 libertine 21hxL     
n.淫荡者;adj.放荡的,自由思想的
参考例句:
  • The transition from libertine to prig was so complete.一个酒徒色鬼竟然摇身一变就成了道学先生。
  • I believe John is not a libertine any more.我相信约翰不再是个浪子了。
21 psychic BRFxT     
n.对超自然力敏感的人;adj.有超自然力的
参考例句:
  • Some people are said to have psychic powers.据说有些人有通灵的能力。
  • She claims to be psychic and to be able to foretell the future.她自称有特异功能,能预知未来。
22 dispositions eee819c0d17bf04feb01fd4dcaa8fe35     
安排( disposition的名词复数 ); 倾向; (财产、金钱的)处置; 气质
参考例句:
  • We got out some information about the enemy's dispositions from the captured enemy officer. 我们从捕获的敌军官那里问出一些有关敌军部署的情况。
  • Elasticity, solubility, inflammability are paradigm cases of dispositions in natural objects. 伸缩性、可缩性、易燃性是天然物体倾向性的范例。
23 sufficiently 0htzMB     
adv.足够地,充分地
参考例句:
  • It turned out he had not insured the house sufficiently.原来他没有给房屋投足保险。
  • The new policy was sufficiently elastic to accommodate both views.新政策充分灵活地适用两种观点。
24 supplanting 55014765c74fea793d89472381bf1a0e     
把…排挤掉,取代( supplant的现在分词 )
参考例句:
25 undertakings e635513464ec002d92571ebd6bc9f67e     
企业( undertaking的名词复数 ); 保证; 殡仪业; 任务
参考例句:
  • The principle of diligence and frugality applies to all undertakings. 勤俭节约的原则适用于一切事业。
  • Such undertakings require the precise planning and foresight of military operations. 此举要求军事上战役中所需要的准确布置和预见。
26 joyous d3sxB     
adj.充满快乐的;令人高兴的
参考例句:
  • The lively dance heightened the joyous atmosphere of the scene.轻快的舞蹈给这场戏渲染了欢乐气氛。
  • They conveyed the joyous news to us soon.他们把这一佳音很快地传递给我们。
27 relics UkMzSr     
[pl.]n.遗物,遗迹,遗产;遗体,尸骸
参考例句:
  • The area is a treasure house of archaeological relics. 这个地区是古文物遗迹的宝库。
  • Xi'an is an ancient city full of treasures and saintly relics. 西安是一个有很多宝藏和神圣的遗物的古老城市。


欢迎访问英文小说网

©英文小说网 2005-2010

有任何问题,请给我们留言,管理员邮箱:[email protected]  站长QQ :点击发送消息和我们联系56065533