Elfride clung closer to Knight2 as day succeeded day. Whatever else might admit of question, there could be no dispute that the allegiance she bore him absorbed her whole soul and existence. A greater than Stephen had arisen, and she had left all to follow him.
The unreserved girl was never chary3 of letting her lover discover how much she admired him. She never once held an idea in opposition4 to any one of his, or insisted on any point with him, or showed any independence, or held her own on any subject. His lightest whim5 she respected and obeyed as law, and if, expressing her opinion on a matter, he took up the subject and differed from her, she instantly threw down her own opinion as wrong and untenable. Even her ambiguities6 and espieglerie were but media of the same manifestation7; acted charades8, embodying9 the words of her prototype, the tender and susceptible10 daughter-in-law of Naomi: 'Let me find favour in thy sight, my lord; for that thou hast comforted me, and for that thou hast spoken friendly unto thine handmaid.'
She was syringing the plants one wet day in the greenhouse. Knight was sitting under a great passion-flower observing the scene. Sometimes he looked out at the rain from the sky, and then at Elfride's inner rain of larger drops, which fell from trees and shrubs11, after having previously12 hung from the twigs14 like small silver fruit.
'I must give you something to make you think of me during this autumn at your chambers,' she was saying. 'What shall it be? Portraits do more harm than good, by selecting the worst expression of which your face is capable. Hair is unlucky. And you don't like jewellery.'
'Something which shall bring back to my mind the many scenes we have enacted15 in this conservatory16. I see what I should prize very much. That dwarf17 myrtle tree in the pot, which you have been so carefully tending.'
Elfride looked thoughtfully at the myrtle.
'I can carry it comfortably in my hat box,' said Knight. 'And I will put it in my window, and so, it being always before my eyes, I shall think of you continually.'
It so happened that the myrtle which Knight had singled out had a peculiar18 beginning and history. It had originally been a twig13 worn in Stephen Smith's button-hole, and he had taken it thence, stuck it into the pot, and told her that if it grew, she was to take care of it, and keep it in remembrance of him when he was far away.
She looked wistfully at the plant, and a sense of fairness to Smith's memory caused her a pang19 of regret that Knight should have asked for that very one. It seemed exceeding a common heartlessness to let it go.
'Is there not anything you like better?' she said sadly. 'That is only an ordinary myrtle.'
'No: I am fond of myrtle.' Seeing that she did not take kindly20 to the idea, he said again, 'Why do you object to my having that?'
'Oh no--I don't object precisely--it was a feeling.--Ah, here's another cutting lately struck, and just as small--of a better kind, and with prettier leaves--myrtus microphylla.'
'That will do nicely. Let it be put in my room, that I may not forget it. What romance attaches to the other?'
'It was a gift to me.'
The subject then dropped. Knight thought no more of the matter till, on entering his bedroom in the evening, he found the second myrtle placed upon his dressing-table as he had directed. He stood for a moment admiring the fresh appearance of the leaves by candlelight, and then he thought of the transaction of the day.
Male lovers as well as female can be spoilt by too much kindness, and Elfride's uniform submissiveness had given Knight a rather exacting21 manner at crises, attached to her as he was. 'Why should she have refused the one I first chose?' he now asked himself. Even such slight opposition as she had shown then was exceptional enough to make itself noticeable. He was not vexed22 with her in the least: the mere23 variation of her way to-day from her usual ways kept him musing24 on the subject, because it perplexed25 him. 'It was a gift'--those were her words. Admitting it to be a gift, he thought she could hardly value a mere friend more than she valued him as a lover, and giving the plant into his charge would have made no difference. 'Except, indeed, it was the gift of a lover,' he murmured.
'I wonder if Elfride has ever had a lover before?' he said aloud, as a new idea, quite. This and companion thoughts were enough to occupy him completely till he fell asleep--rather later than usual.
The next day, when they were again alone, he said to her rather suddenly--
'Do you love me more or less, Elfie, for what I told you on board the steamer?'
'You told me so many things,' she returned, lifting her eyes to his and smiling.
'I mean the confession26 you coaxed27 out of me--that I had never been in the position of lover before.'
'It is a satisfaction, I suppose, to be the first in your heart,' she said to him, with an attempt to continue her smiling.
'I am going to ask you a question now,' said Knight, somewhat awkwardly. 'I only ask it in a whimsical way, you know: not with great seriousness, Elfride. You may think it odd, perhaps.'
Elfride tried desperately28 to keep the colour in her face. She could not, though distressed29 to think that getting pale showed consciousness of deeper guilt30 than merely getting red.
'Oh no--I shall not think that,' she said, because obliged to say something to fill the pause which followed her questioner's remark.
'It is this: have you ever had a lover? I am almost sure you have not; but, have you?'
'Not, as it were, a lover; I mean, not worth mentioning, Harry31,' she faltered32.
Knight, overstrained in sentiment as he knew the feeling to be, felt some sickness of heart.
'Still, he was a lover?'
'Well, a sort of lover, I suppose,' she responded tardily33.
'A man, I mean, you know.'
'Yes; but only a mere person, and----'
'But truly your lover?'
'Yes; a lover certainly--he was that. Yes, he might have been called my lover.'
Knight said nothing to this for a minute or more, and kept silent time with his finger to the tick of the old library clock, in which room the colloquy34 was going on.
'You don't mind, Harry, do you?' she said anxiously, nestling close to him, and watching his face.
'Of course, I don't seriously mind. In reason, a man cannot object to such a trifle. I only thought you hadn't--that was all.'
However, one ray was abstracted from the glory about her head. But afterwards, when Knight was wandering by himself over the bare and breezy hills, and meditating35 on the subject, that ray suddenly returned. For she might have had a lover, and never have cared in the least for him. She might have used the word improperly36, and meant 'admirer' all the time. Of course she had been admired; and one man might have made his admiration37 more prominent than that of the rest--a very natural case.
They were sitting on one of the garden seats when he found occasion to put the supposition to the test. 'Did you love that lover or admirer of yours ever so little, Elfie?'
She murmured reluctantly, 'Yes, I think I did.'
Knight felt the same faint touch of misery38. 'Only a very little?' he said.
'I am not sure how much.'
'But you are sure, darling, you loved him a little?'
'I think I am sure I loved him a little.'
'And not a great deal, Elfie?'
'My love was not supported by reverence39 for his powers.'
'But, Elfride, did you love him deeply?' said Knight restlessly.
'I don't exactly know how deep you mean by deeply.'
'That's nonsense.'
'You misapprehend; and you have let go my hand!' she cried, her eyes filling with tears. 'Harry, don't be severe with me, and don't question me. I did not love him as I do you. And could it be deeply if I did not think him cleverer than myself? For I did not. You grieve me so much--you can't think.'
'I will not say another word about it.'
'And you will not think about it, either, will you? I know you think of weaknesses in me after I am out of your sight; and not knowing what they are, I cannot combat them. I almost wish you were of a grosser nature, Harry; in truth I do! Or rather, I wish I could have the advantages such a nature in you would afford me, and yet have you as you are.'
'What advantages would they be?'
'Less anxiety, and more security. Ordinary men are not so delicate in their tastes as you; and where the lover or husband is not fastidious, and refined, and of a deep nature, things seem to go on better, I fancy--as far as I have been able to observe the world.'
'Yes; I suppose it is right. Shallowness has this advantage, that you can't be drowned there.'
'But I think I'll have you as you are; yes, I will!' she said winsomely40. 'The practical husbands and wives who take things philosophically41 are very humdrum42, are they not? Yes, it would kill me quite. You please me best as you are.'
'Even though I wish you had never cared for one before me?'
'Yes. And you must not wish it. Don't!'
'I'll try not to, Elfride.'
So she hoped, but her heart was troubled. If he felt so deeply on this point, what would he say did he know all, and see it as Mrs. Jethway saw it? He would never make her the happiest girl in the world by taking her to be his own for aye. The thought enclosed her as a tomb whenever it presented itself to her perturbed43 brain. She tried to believe that Mrs. Jethway would never do her such a cruel wrong as to increase the bad appearance of her folly44 by innuendoes45; and concluded that concealment46, having been begun, must be persisted in, if possible. For what he might consider as bad as the fact, was her previous concealment of it by strategy.
But Elfride knew Mrs. Jethway to be her enemy, and to hate her. It was possible she would do her worst. And should she do it, all might be over.
Would the woman listen to reason, and be persuaded not to ruin one who had never intentionally47 harmed her?
It was night in the valley between Endelstow Crags and the shore. The brook48 which trickled49 that way to the sea was distinct in its murmurs50 now, and over the line of its course there began to hang a white riband of fog. Against the sky, on the left hand of the vale, the black form of the church could be seen. On the other rose hazel-bushes, a few trees, and where these were absent, furze tufts--as tall as men--on stems nearly as stout51 as timber. The shriek52 of some bird was occasionally heard, as it flew terror- stricken from its first roost, to seek a new sleeping-place, where it might pass the night unmolested.
In the evening shade, some way down the valley, and under a row of scrubby oaks, a cottage could still be discerned. It stood absolutely alone. The house was rather large, and the windows of some of the rooms were nailed up with boards on the outside, which gave a particularly deserted53 appearance to the whole erection. From the front door an irregular series of rough and misshapen steps, cut in the solid rock, led down to the edge of the streamlet, which, at their extremity54, was hollowed into a basin through which the water trickled. This was evidently the means of water supply to the dweller55 or dwellers56 in the cottage.
A light footstep was heard descending57 from the higher slopes of the hillside. Indistinct in the pathway appeared a moving female shape, who advanced and knocked timidly at the door. No answer being returned the knock was repeated, with the same result, and it was then repeated a third time. This also was unsuccessful.
From one of the only two windows on the ground floor which were not boarded up came rays of light, no shutter58 or curtain obscuring the room from the eyes of a passer on the outside. So few walked that way after nightfall that any such means to secure secrecy59 were probably deemed unnecessary.
The inequality of the rays falling upon the trees outside told that the light had its origin in a flickering60 fire only. The visitor, after the third knocking, stepped a little to the left in order to gain a view of the interior, and threw back the hood61 from her face. The dancing yellow sheen revealed the fair and anxious countenance62 of Elfride.
Inside the house this firelight was enough to illumine the room distinctly, and to show that the furniture of the cottage was superior to what might have been expected from so unpromising an exterior63. It also showed to Elfride that the room was empty. Beyond the light quiver and flap of the flames nothing moved or was audible therein.
She turned the handle and entered, throwing off the cloak which enveloped64 her, under which she appeared without hat or bonnet65, and in the sort of half-toilette country people ordinarily dine in. Then advancing to the foot of the staircase she called distinctly, but somewhat fearfully, 'Mrs. Jethway!'
No answer.
With a look of relief and regret combined, denoting that ease came to the heart and disappointment to the brain, Elfride paused for several minutes, as if undecided how to act. Determining to wait, she sat down on a chair. The minutes drew on, and after sitting on the thorns of impatience66 for half an hour, she searched her pocket, took therefrom a letter, and tore off the blank leaf. Then taking out a pencil she wrote upon the paper:
'DEAR MRS. JETHWAY,--I have been to visit you. I wanted much to see you, but I cannot wait any longer. I came to beg you not to execute the threats you have repeated to me. Do not, I beseech67 you, Mrs. Jethway, let any one know I ran away from home! It would ruin me with him, and break my heart. I will do anything for you, if you will be kind to me. In the name of our common womanhood, do not, I implore68 you, make a scandal of me.--Yours, E. SWANCOURT.'
She folded the note cornerwise, directed it, and placed it on the table. Then again drawing the hood over her curly head she emerged silently as she had come.
Whilst this episode had been in action at Mrs. Jethway's cottage, Knight had gone from the dining-room into the drawing-room, and found Mrs. Swancourt there alone.
'Elfride has vanished upstairs or somewhere,' she said.
'And I have been reading an article in an old number of the PRESENT that I lighted on by chance a short time ago; it is an article you once told us was yours. Well, Harry, with due deference69 to your literary powers, allow me to say that this effusion is all nonsense, in my opinion.'
'What is it about?' said Knight, taking up the paper and reading.
'There: don't get red about it. Own that experience has taught you to be more charitable. I have never read such unchivalrous sentiments in my life--from a man, I mean. There, I forgive you; it was before you knew Elfride.'
'Oh yes,' said Knight, looking up. 'I remember now. The text of that sermon was not my own at all, but was suggested to me by a young man named Smith--the same whom I have mentioned to you as coming from this parish. I thought the idea rather ingenious at the time, and enlarged it to the weight of a few guineas, because I had nothing else in my head.'
'Which idea do you call the text? I am curious to know that.'
'Well, this,' said Knight, somewhat unwillingly70. 'That experience teaches, and your sweetheart, no less than your tailor, is necessarily very imperfect in her duties, if you are her first patron: and conversely, the sweetheart who is graceful71 under the initial kiss must be supposed to have had some practice in the trade.'
'And do you mean to say that you wrote that upon the strength of another man's remark, without having tested it by practice?'
'Yes--indeed I do.'
'Then I think it was uncalled for and unfair. And how do you know it is true? I expect you regret it now.'
'Since you bring me into a serious mood, I will speak candidly72. I do believe that remark to be perfectly73 true, and, having written it, I would defend it anywhere. But I do often regret having ever written it, as well as others of the sort. I have grown older since, and I find such a tone of writing is calculated to do harm in the world. Every literary Jack74 becomes a gentleman if he can only pen a few indifferent satires75 upon womankind: women themselves, too, have taken to the trick; and so, upon the whole, I begin to be rather ashamed of my companions.'
'Ah, Henry, you have fallen in love since and it makes a difference,' said Mrs. Swancourt with a faint tone of banter76.
'That's true; but that is not my reason.'
'Having found that, in a case of your own experience, a so-called goose was a swan, it seems absurd to deny such a possibility in other men's experiences.'
'You can hit palpably, cousin Charlotte,' said Knight. 'You are like the boy who puts a stone inside his snowball, and I shall play with you no longer. Excuse me--I am going for my evening stroll.'
Though Knight had spoken jestingly, this incident and conversation had caused him a sudden depression. Coming, rather singularly, just after his discovery that Elfride had known what it was to love warmly before she had known him, his mind dwelt upon the subject, and the familiar pipe he smoked, whilst pacing up and down the shrubbery-path, failed to be a solace77. He thought again of those idle words--hitherto quite forgotten--about the first kiss of a girl, and the theory seemed more than reasonable. Of course their sting now lay in their bearing on Elfride.
Elfride, under Knight's kiss, had certainly been a very different woman from herself under Stephen's. Whether for good or for ill, she had marvellously well learnt a betrothed78 lady's part; and the fascinating finish of her deportment in this second campaign did probably arise from her unreserved encouragement of Stephen. Knight, with all the rapidity of jealous sensitiveness, pounced79 upon some words she had inadvertently let fall about an earring80, which he had only partially81 understood at the time. It was during that 'initial kiss' by the little waterfall:
'We must be careful. I lost the other by doing this!'
A flush which had in it as much of wounded pride as of sorrow, passed over Knight as he thought of what he had so frequently said to her in his simplicity82. 'I always meant to be the first comer in a woman's heart, fresh lips or none for me.' How childishly blind he must have seemed to this mere girl! How she must have laughed at him inwardly! He absolutely writhed83 as he thought of the confession she had wrung84 from him on the boat in the darkness of night. The one conception which had sustained his dignity when drawn85 out of his shell on that occasion--that of her charming ignorance of all such matters--how absurd it was!
This man, whose imagination had been fed up to preternatural size by lonely study and silent observations of his kind--whose emotions had been drawn out long and delicate by his seclusion86, like plants in a cellar--was now absolutely in pain. Moreover, several years of poetic87 study, and, if the truth must be told, poetic efforts, had tended to develop the affective side of his constitution still further, in proportion to his active faculties88. It was his belief in the absolute newness of blandishment to Elfride which had constituted her primary charm. He began to think it was as hard to be earliest in a woman's heart as it was to be first in the Pool of Bethesda.
That Knight should have been thus constituted: that Elfride's second lover should not have been one of the great mass of bustling89 mankind, little given to introspection, whose good-nature might have compensated90 for any lack of appreciativeness, was the chance of things. That her throbbing91, self-confounding, indiscreet heart should have to defend itself unaided against the keen scrutiny92 and logical power which Knight, now that his suspicions were awakened93, would sooner or later be sure to exercise against her, was her misfortune. A miserable94 incongruity95 was apparent in the circumstance of a strong mind practising its unerring archery upon a heart which the owner of that mind loved better than his own.
Elfride's docile96 devotion to Knight was now its own enemy. Clinging to him so dependently, she taught him in time to presume upon that devotion--a lesson men are not slow to learn. A slight rebelliousness97 occasionally would have done him no harm, and would have been a world of advantage to her. But she idolized him, and was proud to be his bond-servant.
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vassal
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| n.附庸的；属下；adj.奴仆的 | |
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knight
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| n.骑士，武士；爵士 | |
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chary
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| adj.谨慎的，细心的 | |
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opposition
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| n.反对，敌对 | |
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whim
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| n.一时的兴致，突然的念头；奇想，幻想 | |
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ambiguities
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| n.歧义( ambiguity的名词复数 )；意义不明确；模棱两可的意思；模棱两可的话 | |
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manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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charades
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| n.伪装( charade的名词复数 )；猜字游戏 | |
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embodying
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| v.表现( embody的现在分词 )；象征；包括；包含 | |
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susceptible
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shrubs
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| 灌木( shrub的名词复数 ) | |
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previously
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| adv.以前，先前（地） | |
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twig
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| n.小树枝，嫩枝；v.理解 | |
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twigs
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| 细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 ) | |
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enacted
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| 制定（法律），通过（法案）( enact的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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conservatory
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| n.温室，音乐学院；adj.保存性的，有保存力的 | |
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dwarf
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| n.矮子，侏儒，矮小的动植物；vt.使…矮小 | |
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peculiar
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pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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kindly
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| adj.和蔼的，温和的，爽快的；adv.温和地，亲切地 | |
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exacting
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vexed
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| adj.争论不休的；（指问题等）棘手的；争论不休的问题；烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 )；使苦恼；使生气；详细讨论 | |
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mere
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musing
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| n. 沉思，冥想 adj. 沉思的, 冥想的 动词muse的现在分词形式 | |
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perplexed
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confession
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coaxed
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| v.哄，用好话劝说( coax的过去式和过去分词 )；巧言骗取；哄劝，劝诱 | |
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desperately
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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guilt
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| n.犯罪；内疚；过失，罪责 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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faltered
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| （嗓音）颤抖( falter的过去式和过去分词 )； 支吾其词； 蹒跚； 摇晃 | |
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tardily
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colloquy
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meditating
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| a.沉思的，冥想的 | |
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improperly
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| 不正确地，不适当地 | |
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admiration
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| n.钦佩，赞美，羡慕 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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reverence
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| n.敬畏，尊敬，尊严；Reverence:对某些基督教神职人员的尊称；v.尊敬，敬畏，崇敬 | |
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winsomely
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philosophically
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| adv.哲学上；富有哲理性地；贤明地；冷静地 | |
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humdrum
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| adj.单调的，乏味的 | |
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perturbed
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| adj.烦燥不安的v.使（某人）烦恼，不安( perturb的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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innuendoes
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| n.影射的话( innuendo的名词复数 )；讽刺的话；含沙射影；暗讽 | |
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concealment
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| n.隐藏, 掩盖，隐瞒 | |
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intentionally
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| ad.故意地，有意地 | |
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brook
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| n.小河，溪；v.忍受，容让 | |
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trickled
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| v.滴( trickle的过去式和过去分词 )；淌；使)慢慢走；缓慢移动 | |
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murmurs
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| n.低沉、连续而不清的声音( murmur的名词复数 )；低语声；怨言；嘀咕 | |
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52
shriek
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| v./n.尖叫，叫喊 | |
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deserted
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| adj.荒芜的，荒废的，无人的，被遗弃的 | |
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extremity
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| n.末端，尽头；尽力；终极；极度 | |
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dweller
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| n.居住者，住客 | |
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dwellers
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| n.居民，居住者( dweller的名词复数 ) | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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shutter
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| n.百叶窗；(照相机)快门；关闭装置 | |
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secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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hood
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| n.头巾，兜帽，覆盖；v.罩上，以头巾覆盖 | |
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countenance
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| n.脸色，面容；面部表情；vt.支持，赞同 | |
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exterior
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| adj.外部的，外在的；表面的 | |
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enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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impatience
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| n.不耐烦，急躁 | |
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beseech
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| v.祈求，恳求 | |
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implore
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| vt.乞求，恳求，哀求 | |
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deference
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| n.尊重，顺从；敬意 | |
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unwillingly
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| adv.不情愿地 | |
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graceful
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| adj.优美的，优雅的；得体的 | |
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candidly
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| adv.坦率地，直率而诚恳地 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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satires
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| 讽刺，讥讽( satire的名词复数 )； 讽刺作品 | |
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banter
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| n.嘲弄，戏谑；v.取笑，逗弄，开玩笑 | |
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solace
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| n.安慰；v.使快乐；vt.安慰(物)，缓和 | |
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betrothed
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| n. 已订婚者 动词betroth的过去式和过去分词 | |
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pounced
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| v.突然袭击( pounce的过去式和过去分词 )；猛扑；一眼看出；抓住机会（进行抨击） | |
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earring
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| n.耳环，耳饰 | |
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partially
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| adv.部分地，从某些方面讲 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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writhed
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| （因极度痛苦而）扭动或翻滚( writhe的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wrung
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| 绞( wring的过去式和过去分词 )； 握紧（尤指别人的手）； 把（湿衣服）拧干； 绞掉（水） | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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seclusion
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| n.隐遁，隔离 | |
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poetic
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| adj.富有诗意的，有诗人气质的，善于抒情的 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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bustling
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| adj.喧闹的 | |
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compensated
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| 补偿，报酬( compensate的过去式和过去分词 )； 给（某人）赔偿（或赔款） | |
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throbbing
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| a. 跳动的,悸动的 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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awakened
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| v.（使）醒( awaken的过去式和过去分词 )；（使）觉醒；弄醒；（使）意识到 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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incongruity
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| n.不协调，不一致 | |
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docile
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| adj.驯服的，易控制的，容易教的 | |
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rebelliousness
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| n. 造反，难以控制 | |
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