IT was some two months later in the year, and the pair had met constantly during the interval1. Arabella seemed dissatisfied; she was always imagining, and waiting, and wondering.
One day she met the itinerant2 Vilbert. She, like all the cottagers thereabout, knew the quack3 well, and she began telling him of her experiences. Arabella had been gloomy, but before he left her she had grown brighter. That evening she kept an appointment with Jude, who seemed sad.
"I am going away," he said to her. "I think I ought to go. I think it will be better both for you and for me. I wish some things had never begun! I was much to blame, I know. But it is never too late to mend."
Arabella began to cry. "How do you know it is not too late?" she said. "That's all very well to say! I haven't told you yet!" and she looked into his face with streaming eyes.
"What?" he asked, turning pale. "Not ... ?"
"Yes! And what shall I do if you desert me?"
"Oh, Arabella--how can you say that, my dear! You _know_ I wouldn't desert you!"
"Well then----
"I have next to no wages as yet, you know; or perhaps I should have thought of this before.... But, of course if that's the case, we must marry! What other thing do you think I could dream of doing?"
"I thought--I thought, deary, perhaps you would go away all the more for that, and leave me to face it alone!"
"You knew better! Of course I never dreamt six months ago, or even three, of marrying. It is a complete smashing up of my plans--I mean my plans before I knew you, my dear. But what are they, after all! Dreams about books, and degrees, and impossible fellowships, and all that. Certainly we'll marry: we must!"
That night he went out alone, and walked in the dark self-communing. He knew well, too well, in the secret centre of his brain, that Arabella was not worth a great deal as a specimen4 of womankind. Yet, such being the custom of the rural districts among honourable5 young men who had drifted so far into intimacy6 with a woman as he unfortunately had done, he was ready to abide7 by what he had said, and take the consequences. For his own soothing8 he kept up a factitious belief in her. His idea of her was the thing of most consequence, not Arabella herself, he sometimes said laconically9.
The banns were put in and published the very next Sunday. The people of the parish all said what a simple fool young Fawley was. All his reading had only come to this, that he would have to sell his books to buy saucepans. Those who guessed the probable state of affairs, Arabella's parents being among them, declared that it was the sort of conduct they would have expected of such an honest young man as Jude in reparation of the wrong he had done his innocent sweetheart. The parson who married them seemed to think it satisfactory too. And so, standing10 before the aforesaid officiator, the two swore that at every other time of their lives till death took them, they would assuredly believe, feel, and desire precisely11 as they had believed, felt, and desired during the few preceding weeks. What was as remarkable12 as the undertaking13 itself was the fact that nobody seemed at all surprised at what they swore.
Fawley's aunt being a baker14 she made him a bride-cake, saying bitterly that it was the last thing she could do for him, poor silly fellow; and that it would have been far better if, instead of his living to trouble her, he had gone underground years before with his father and mother. Of this cake Arabella took some slices, wrapped them up in white note-paper, and sent them to her companions in the pork-dressing business, Anny and Sarah, labelling each packet _"In remembrance of good advice."_
The prospects16 of the newly married couple were certainly not very brilliant even to the most sanguine17 mind. He, a stone-mason's apprentice18, nineteen years of age, was working for half wages till he should be out of his time. His wife was absolutely useless in a town-lodging, where he at first had considered it would be necessary for them to live. But the urgent need of adding to income in ever so little a degree caused him to take a lonely roadside cottage between the Brown House and Marygreen, that he might have the profits of a vegetable garden, and utilize19 her past experiences by letting her keep a pig. But it was not the sort of life he had bargained for, and it was a long way to walk to and from Alfredston every day. Arabella, however, felt that all these make-shifts were temporary; she had gained a husband; that was the thing-- a husband with a lot of earning power in him for buying her frocks and hats when he should begin to get frightened a bit, and stick to his trade, and throw aside those stupid books for practical undertakings20.
So to the cottage he took her on the evening of the marriage, giving up his old room at his aunt's--where so much of the hard labour at Greek and Latin had been carried on.
A little chill overspread him at her first unrobing. A long tail of hair, which Arabella wore twisted up in an enormous knob at the back of her head, was deliberately21 unfastened, stroked out, and hung upon the looking-glass which he had bought her.
"What--it wasn't your own?" he said, with a sudden distaste for her.
"Oh no--it never is nowadays with the better class."
"Nonsense! Perhaps not in towns. But in the country it is supposed to be different. Besides, you've enough of your own, surely?"
"Yes, enough as country notions go. But in town the men expect more, and when I was barmaid at Aldbrickham----"
"Barmaid at Aldbrickham?"
"Well, not exactly barmaid--I used to draw the drink at a public-house there--just for a little time; that was all. Some people put me up to getting this, and I bought it just for a fancy. The more you have the better in Aldbrickham, which is a finer town than all your Christminsters. Every lady of position wears false hair--the barber's assistant told me so."
Jude thought with a feeling of sickness that though this might be true to some extent, for all that he knew, many unsophisticated girls would and did go to towns and remain there for years without losing their simplicity22 of life and embellishments. Others, alas23, had an instinct towards artificiality in their very blood, and became adepts24 in counterfeiting25 at the first glimpse of it. However, perhaps there was no great sin in a woman adding to her hair, and he resolved to think no more of it.
A new-made wife can usually manage to excite interest for a few weeks, even though the prospects of the house-hold ways and means are cloudy. There is a certain piquancy26 about her situation, and her manner to her acquaintance at the sense of it, which carries off the gloom of facts, and renders even the humblest bride independent awhile of the real. Mrs. Jude Fawley was walking in the streets of Alfredston one market-day with this quality in her carriage when she met Anny her former friend, whom she had not seen since the wedding.
As usual they laughed before talking; the world seemed funny to them without saying it.
"So it turned out a good plan, you see!" remarked the girl to the wife. "I knew it would with such as him. He's a dear good fellow, and you ought to be proud of un."
"I am," said Mrs. Fawley quietly.
"And when do you expect?"
"Ssh! Not at all."
"What!"
"I was mistaken."
"Oh, Arabella, Arabella; you be a deep one! Mistaken! well, that's clever-- it's a real stroke of genius! It is a thing I never thought o', wi' all my experience! I never thought beyond bringing about the real thing-- not that one could sham27 it!"
"Don't you be too quick to cry sham! 'Twasn't sham. I didn't know."
"My word--won't he be in a taking! He'll give it to 'ee o' Saturday nights! Whatever it was, he'll say it was a trick-- a double one, by the Lord!"
"I'll own to the first, but not to the second.... Pooh-- he won't care! He'll be glad I was wrong in what I said. He'll shake down, bless 'ee--men always do. What can 'em do otherwise? Married is married."
Nevertheless it was with a little uneasiness that Arabella approached the time when in the natural course of things she would have to reveal that the alarm she had raised had been without foundation. The occasion was one evening at bedtime, and they were in their chamber28 in the lonely cottage by the wayside to which Jude walked home from his work every day. He had worked hard the whole twelve hours, and had retired29 to rest before his wife. When she came into the room he was between sleeping and waking, and was barely conscious of her undressing before the little looking-glass as he lay.
One action of hers, however, brought him to full cognition. Her face being reflected towards him as she sat, he could perceive that she was amusing herself by artificially producing in each cheek the dimple before alluded30 to, a curious accomplishment31 of which she was mistress, effecting it by a momentary32 suction. It seemed to him for the first time that the dimples were far oftener absent from her face during his intercourse33 with her nowadays than they had been in the earlier weeks of their acquaintance.
"Don't do that, Arabella!" he said suddenly. "There is no harm in it, but--I don't like to see you."
She turned and laughed. "Lord, I didn't know you were awake!" she said. "How countrified you are! That's nothing."
"Where did you learn it?"
"Nowhere that I know of. They used to stay without any trouble when I was at the public-house; but now they won't. My face was fatter then."
"I don't care about dimples. I don't think they improve a woman-- particularly a married woman, and of full-sized figure like you."
"Most men think otherwise."
"I don't care what most men think, if they do. How do you know?"
"I used to be told so when I was serving in the tap-room."
"Ah--that public-house experience accounts for your knowing about the adulteration of the ale when we went and had some that Sunday evening. I thought when I married you that you had always lived in your father's house."
"You ought to have known better than that, and seen I was a little more finished than I could have been by staying where I was born. There was not much to do at home, and I was eating my head off, so I went away for three months."
"You'll soon have plenty to do now, dear, won't you?"
"How do you mean?"
"Why, of course--little things to make."
"Oh."
"When will it be? Can't you tell me exactly, instead of in such general terms as you have used?"
"Tell you?"
"Yes--the date."
"There's nothing to tell. I made a mistake."
"What?"
"It was a mistake."
He sat bolt upright in bed and looked at her. "How can that be?"
"Women fancy wrong things sometimes."
"But--! Why, of course, so unprepared as I was, without a stick of furniture, and hardly a shilling, I shouldn't have hurried on our affair, and brought you to a half-furnished hut before I was ready, if it had not been for the news you gave me, which made it necessary to save you, ready or no.... Good God!"
"Don't take on, dear. What's done can't be undone34."
"I have no more to say!"
He gave the answer simply, and lay down; and there was silence between them.
When Jude awoke the next morning he seemed to see the world with a different eye. As to the point in question he was compelled to accept her word; in the circumstances he could not have acted otherwise while ordinary notions prevailed. But how came they to prevail?
There seemed to him, vaguely35 and dimly, something wrong in a social ritual which made necessary a cancelling of well-formed schemes involving years of thought and labour, of foregoing a man's one opportunity of showing himself superior to the lower animals, and of contributing his units of work to the general progress of his generation, because of a momentary surprise by a new and transitory instinct which had nothing in it of the nature of vice15, and could be only at the most called weakness. He was inclined to inquire what he had done, or she lost, for that matter, that he deserved to be caught in a gin which would cripple him, if not her also, for the rest of a lifetime? There was perhaps something fortunate in the fact that the immediate36 reason of his marriage had proved to be non-existent. But the marriage remained.
此后这对情人经常相会,其间又过了两个来月。可是阿拉贝拉看上去老是怏怏不乐,她无时不在盘算,期待,又不知道如何是好。
有一天她碰上江湖医生韦伯,她也跟附近一带草房人家一样,对这个骗子很了解,于是就向他倾诉自己的经历。阿拉贝拉本来愁眉苦脸的,可是他还没走,她脸上就风光起来了。当晚她如约见到裘德,不过裘德似乎很苦恼。
“我要走啦,”他对她说,“我想我得走啦。我觉着这样对咱们俩都好。我但愿压根儿没事儿才好呢!这都得怪我。不过现在改的话,还来得及啊。”
阿拉贝拉哭了。“你怎么就知道来得及呢?说得才轻巧呢。我还什么都没告诉你哪!”她涕泗滂沱,直盯着裘德的脸。
“什么?”他问,脸一白。“难道……?”
“对啦!你要是甩了我,我可怎么办呢?”
“哎,阿拉贝拉——我的亲爱的,你怎么好这么说呀?我决不会甩了你,这你知道呀!”
“那就好啦——”
“我简直连一个子儿也没挣,这你也知道;原先就该想到这一点。……不过,当然喽,要是那么回事儿,咱们就结婚好啦。你还想过我不肯这样吗?”
“想过——想过哟,亲爱的,也许你就为这个想远走高飞,留下我一个人受罪呢?”
“你起先这么想也不怪啊。六个月之前,就说三个月之前吧,我真是想都没想过结婚什么的。这下子把我的计划全给砸啦——我这是说,我认识你之前的计划,亲爱的!可这又算得了什么!做什么念书梦呀,学位梦呀,根本办不到的研究员梦呀,这个梦那个梦呀。咱们当然得结婚:咱们一定得结婚!”
当晚他一个人出门,在黑地里走来走去,自思自量。他很清楚,太清楚了,他脑子里有个难以告人的秘密:按妇道人家的标准,阿拉贝拉实在不够格。话又说回来,在乡下这地方,讲体面的小伙子中间素来是约定俗成:他要是稀里糊涂跟个女人打得火热,就像他不幸于出来的那样,就得说话算数,得承担后果。为了让自己心里舒坦点,他老是把她往好里想。有时候,他说得简单明了,他心目中的她只能算是个势所必至、理有固然的结果,倒不是因为阿拉贝拉之为阿拉贝拉。
到下个礼拜天,他们的结婚预告就公之于众了。教区里的人,个个说年轻的福来算得上头脑简单的二百五。他念了那么多书算白念啦。快把书卖了,买锅盘碗灶吧。那些大致猜出来个中奥妙的人,其中也有阿拉贝拉的爹妈,都声言像裘德那样老老实实的小伙子,他们料得到会有那样的举动,因为那就把他对不起自己那位清白无辜的心上人的事全都补救过来了。
于是他们俩站在上面说的结婚仪式的主持人面前起誓:有生之日,不论何时,他们必将一如既往几个礼拜那样终生厮守、信赖。体贴、期望,永不变心。这一套总算够怪了,可更怪的是,对于他们起的这个誓,哪个人也不觉得有什么怪。
福来的开面包房的姑婆,给他做了块喜庆蛋糕,深恶痛绝地说,她再也不会替那个可怜的蠢驴办什么事啦;要是他当初老早跟他爹娘到了阴曹地府,没叫他活着骚扰她,那真是谢天谢地啦。阿拉贝拉把蛋糕切下来几块,拿自便条纸包上,送给跟她一块儿加工猪肉的伙伴安妮和萨拉,每包上面都贴着条子:“承蒙指教,永志不忘。”
就是看事最乐观的人对新婚夫妇的前景也觉着确实不大妙。他是个石匠的学徒,十九岁,满师前拿半份工钱。妻子住在镇上,没事可干。他起初还认为他们非住在镇上不可,但是增加一向微薄的收入既然成了迫切需要,也就逼得他只好在栋房子和马利格林之间路边一个僻静地方租了间草房,这样他可以靠种菜得点收益,她的养猪的经验也可以派得上用场。不过这可不是他原来指望的那种生活啊。他每天来回一趟阿尔夫瑞顿,路挺长。阿拉贝拉呢,似乎觉得这不过一时权宜之计;反正她已经丈夫到了手;这才是真格的——一个具备赚钱能力、能给她买衣服买帽子的丈夫。到时候,他必定开始觉着有点顶不下去了,自然会紧守着他那个行当,把那些胡说八道的书本都扔到一边,脚踏实地担当起养家糊口的营生。
这样,结婚当晚,他就把她带到那个草房,舍掉了姑婆家那间老屋子——他以前在那儿为学希腊文和拉丁文下过多少苦功啊。
她刚头一回脱下长袍,他就浑身起了鸡皮疙疽。阿拉贝拉本来在后脑勺上绾了老大一个髻,这时候她把它仔仔细细解开了,随着把一大绺头发捋下来,挂在了裘德给她买的穿衣镜上。
“怎么——那不是你自个儿的头发?”他说,突然起了一种厌恶感。
“不是哟——这年头凡是像样的人,哪个不用假发啊。”
“胡说。就是城里头也不一定谁都这样,乡里更是另一码事啦。再说,你头发本来挺厚嘛,不错吧?”
“对呀,要按乡下人眼光,是够厚的,可是城里头男人喜欢头发更厚呢,我在奥尔布里肯酒吧当招待时候——”
“在奥尔布里肯酒吧当招待?”
“也不算真正的酒吧女招待——我从前在那儿一家酒馆倒过酒,这也没几天;就是这么回事儿。有人劝我买假发,我觉着挺好玩儿,也就买了。在奥尔布里肯,你头发越多越好。就算把你的七七八八的基督堂全加到一块儿,也还跟不上它漂亮呢。那儿有身份的太太个个戴假发——理发师傅的伙计跟我说的。”
裘德觉着恶心,因为他想到就算她说的有几分是真,但是,就他平日见闻而言,有好多纯朴的姑娘想去、也去过城市,甚至还在那儿呆上好多年,可是她们的生活和衣饰依然简单朴素。也有些,唉,她们的血液里天生一股子装模作样的本能,只要瞧上一眼,就把弄虚做假学会了,学得还挺到家。话又得说回来,妇道人家添点假发,也算不上了不起的罪过呀,他拿定主意不往下想了。
大凡刚当上妻子的女人总有办法在头几个礼拜诱发人家的兴趣,哪怕日后居家过日子,琐琐碎碎弄得减色也不碍事。她这样的身份,以及她因为自觉到这样的身份而拿出来的对熟人周旋的态度,自有一种刺激意味,既把没有光彩的现实遮掩起来,甚至还能帮顶卑下的新娘暂时摆脱她的实际地位。有一天正逢集市,裘德·福来太太就满身这种气味,在阿尔夫瑞顿街上行走,猛孤丁碰上她的老朋友安妮,阿拉贝拉婚后一直没见过她。
她们照例一见面不说话,先笑一阵,就像她们用不着说,这个世界也老是逗乐的。
“这么说,那个计划还真顶用啊,有你的!”姑娘对太太说。“我就知道那一手对他管用。他可是讨人疼的好汉子,你可得拿他当回事哟。”
“我是这样。”福来太太不动声色地说。
“你什么时候——?”
“嘘!生不了啦!”
“什么!”
“我搞错啦。”
“哎,阿拉贝拉呀,阿拉贝拉;你可真有一套啊!搞错啦,嗨,真精哪——这一手可真叫绝啦!就凭我这两下子经验,我可再想不出来呀!再想不到干起来用不着真刀真枪——想不到也能玩假情假义呀!”
“你先别忙着叫这是假情假义!这可不是假情假义。我当时可没往这上边想。”
“我说——他可不会老蒙在鼓里头!逢礼拜六晚上他叫你有好受的呢!不管怎么着,他要说你这是拿他要着玩儿——干脆是两面三刀,嘿嘿!”
“说我拿他要着玩,那还可以,可决不是两面三刀。……呸——他才不在乎呢,我说我当时说错了,他还要高兴呢。慢慢地他就没事儿啦。为他祝福吧——男人还不都是一个样儿。不这样,又能怎么办?反正是结了婚,生米做成熟饭啦。”
说是这么说,临到她非把原来闹得人仰马翻、可又莫须有的把戏坦白不可的时刻,她还是心里有点七上八下。她选的时间是一个晚上要上床睡觉时候,地点是他们路边上孤零零的房子里的卧室。裘德每天下工都是走回家,这天他整整劳累了十二个钟头,在他妻子之前先歇了。她进屋时候,他已经似睡非睡,迷迷糊糊,不大觉着她就在穿衣镜前面脱衣服。
可是她有个动作却叫他完全醒过来了。她坐在那儿,镜子里的影子正对着他,他看得很清楚,她正把两个腮帮子一咋一咋的,用人工制造酒涡来过痛,这可是她的拿手好戏,令人称奇。他好像头一回觉察到她脸上的酒涡比他们认识头几个礼拜时候出现得少而又少了。
“别搞啦,阿拉贝拉!”他突然说话了。“这样不碍事,可我不爱瞧你这样。”
她脸转过来,笑起来了。“哎呀,我不知道你醒着哪,”她说,“你可太土嘤!这有什么关系呢。”
“你哪儿学来的?”
“我可没学过。我在酒馆那阵子,酒涡一天到晚都在脸上,这会儿倒不行啦。我那会儿脸胖点儿。”
“我倒不在乎酒涡不酒涡。依我看,它帮不了女人什么忙,能叫她漂亮点——特别是成了家的女人,别说长得像你这么丰满啦。”
“大多数男人想法跟你可不一样。”
“我可不管大多数男人怎么个想法,那随他们便。你怎么知道他们怎么想的?”
“我在酒馆帮工时候听人家说的。”
“是咬——那就难怪喽,那个礼拜六晚上咱们喝啤酒,你凭酒馆经验一咂就知道搀假了。我没跟你结婚时候,我一直当你没离开过你爸爸家呢。”
“你本来应该多知道点才对呢,本来应该看得出来,我要是打一下地就窝在家里头,才不会这么大方呢。家里头没什么事,我又不能一天到晚呆着不动,这才跑到外边干了三个月。”
“从这会儿起,你的事情就有得干啦,亲爱的,对不对?”
“你这是什么意思?”
“海海,就是这样啊——芝麻绿豆的事儿多着哪。”
“哦
“倒是什么时候呀?你好不好说个准日子,别老是含含糊糊,不着天不着地的?”
“要说吗?”
“对,要说——准日子。”
“没什么好说的。我全搞错啦。”
“什么?”
“搞错啦。”
他一下子在床上坐直了,两眼直勾勾地对着她。“怎么搞错啦?”
“女人家有时候胡思乱想,一厢情愿,就出了错啦。”
“可是——!唉,当然喷,当然喷,想当初我心理上没一点准备,连条家具腿也没有,简直是一文不名,要不是你跟我说了那个信儿,我觉着非救你不可,我哪儿会不管三七二十一把咱们的事儿办了,把你带到这么个半边空的房子来啊,……老天爷哟,苦哇!”
“你难受吧,亲爱的。事到如今就算啦,反正木已成舟啦。”
“我没得说哟!”
他就回答了这么一句,又躺下来,两个人没再说话。
第二天早上,他一觉醒来,似乎看这个世界的眼光跟以前不同了。至于成问题的那件事,他也无可奈何,只好听她说的那一套。既然是流俗的观点为一般人接受,他也没法自行其是,置之不理。话说回来,流俗的观点又怎么会深入人心呢?
他隐隐感到,又没想清楚,社会上通行的礼俗准有点不对头的地方。一个人不过是因为一种新的本能的一时冲动,造成了一念之差,而那种本能并不具有一丝一毫邪恶性质,充其极只能说它是意志薄弱;可是礼俗就根据这一点硬要叫他把花费多年思考和勤劳而订立的完善计划,为争取显示自己优于低等动物的机会而做的努力和为自己这一代的普遍进步献出劳作成果的心愿,通通葬送,才肯罢休。他止不住一再追问,就为了那件事,他到底干犯了哪门子天条,她又到底受了什么损害,以至于他罪有应得,把他打进了陷阱,弄得他的大后半辈子,且不说她的,落个终身残废?还好,他当初结婚的直接原因总算证明子虚乌有了,也该说是走了运吧。可是婚姻到底还是婚姻,怎么也变不了啊。
1 interval | |
n.间隔,间距;幕间休息,中场休息 | |
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2 itinerant | |
adj.巡回的;流动的 | |
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3 quack | |
n.庸医;江湖医生;冒充内行的人;骗子 | |
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4 specimen | |
n.样本,标本 | |
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5 honourable | |
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的 | |
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6 intimacy | |
n.熟悉,亲密,密切关系,亲昵的言行 | |
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7 abide | |
vi.遵守;坚持;vt.忍受 | |
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8 soothing | |
adj.慰藉的;使人宽心的;镇静的 | |
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9 laconically | |
adv.简短地,简洁地 | |
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10 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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11 precisely | |
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地 | |
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12 remarkable | |
adj.显著的,异常的,非凡的,值得注意的 | |
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13 undertaking | |
n.保证,许诺,事业 | |
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14 baker | |
n.面包师 | |
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15 vice | |
n.坏事;恶习;[pl.]台钳,老虎钳;adj.副的 | |
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16 prospects | |
n.希望,前途(恒为复数) | |
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17 sanguine | |
adj.充满希望的,乐观的,血红色的 | |
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18 apprentice | |
n.学徒,徒弟 | |
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19 utilize | |
vt.使用,利用 | |
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20 undertakings | |
企业( undertaking的名词复数 ); 保证; 殡仪业; 任务 | |
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21 deliberately | |
adv.审慎地;蓄意地;故意地 | |
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22 simplicity | |
n.简单,简易;朴素;直率,单纯 | |
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23 alas | |
int.唉(表示悲伤、忧愁、恐惧等) | |
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24 adepts | |
n.专家,能手( adept的名词复数 ) | |
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25 counterfeiting | |
n.伪造v.仿制,造假( counterfeit的现在分词 ) | |
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26 piquancy | |
n.辛辣,辣味,痛快 | |
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27 sham | |
n./adj.假冒(的),虚伪(的) | |
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28 chamber | |
n.房间,寝室;会议厅;议院;会所 | |
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29 retired | |
adj.隐退的,退休的,退役的 | |
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30 alluded | |
提及,暗指( allude的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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31 accomplishment | |
n.完成,成就,(pl.)造诣,技能 | |
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32 momentary | |
adj.片刻的,瞬息的;短暂的 | |
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33 intercourse | |
n.性交;交流,交往,交际 | |
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34 undone | |
a.未做完的,未完成的 | |
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35 vaguely | |
adv.含糊地,暖昧地 | |
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36 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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