JUDE'S old and embittered1 aunt lay unwell at Marygreen, and on the following Sunday he went to see her--a visit which was the result of a victorious2 struggle against his inclination3 to turn aside to the village of Lumsdon and obtain a miserable4 interview with his cousin, in which the word nearest his heart could not be spoken, and the sight which had tortured him could not be revealed.
His aunt was now unable to leave her bed, and a great part of Jude's short day was occupied in making arrangements for her comfort. The little bakery business had been sold to a neighbour, and with the proceeds of this and her savings6 she was comfortably supplied with necessaries and more, a widow of the same village living with her and ministering to her wants. It was not till the time had nearly come for him to leave that he obtained a quiet talk with her, and his words tended insensibly towards his cousin.
"Was Sue born here?"
"She was--in this room. They were living here at that time. What made 'ee ask that?"
"Oh--I wanted to know."
"Now you've been seeing her!" said the harsh old woman. "And what did I tell 'ee?"
"Well--that I was not to see her."
"Have you gossiped with her?"
"Yes."
"Then don't keep it up. She was brought up by her father to hate her mother's family; and she'll look with no favour upon a working chap like you--a townish girl as she's become by now. I never cared much about her. A pert little thing, that's what she was too often, with her tight-strained nerves. Many's the time I've smacked7 her for her impertinence. Why, one day when she was walking into the pond with her shoes and stockings off, and her petticoats pulled above her knees, afore I could cry out for shame, she said: 'Move on, Aunty! This is no sight for modest eyes!'"
"She was a little child then."
"She was twelve if a day."
"Well--of course. But now she's older she's of a thoughtful, quivering, tender nature, and as sensitive as--"
"Jude!" cried his aunt, springing up in bed. "Don't you be a fool about her!"
"No, no, of course not."
"Your marrying that woman Arabella was about as bad a thing as a man could possibly do for himself by trying hard. But she's gone to the other side of the world, and med never trouble you again. And there'll be a worse thing if you, tied and bound as you be, should have a fancy for Sue. If your cousin is civil to you, take her civility for what it is worth. But anything more than a relation's good wishes it is stark8 madness for 'ee to give her. If she's townish and wanton it med bring 'ee to ruin."
"Don't say anything against her, Aunt! Don't, please!"
A relief was afforded to him by the entry of the companion and nurse of his aunt, who must have been listening to the conversation, for she began a commentary on past years, introducing Sue Bridehead as a character in her recollections. She described what an odd little maid Sue had been when a pupil at the village school across the green opposite, before her father went to London--how, when the vicar arranged readings and recitations, she appeared on the platform, the smallest of them all, "in her little white frock, and shoes, and pink sash"; how she recited "Excelsior," "There was a sound of revelry by night," and "The Raven9"; how during the delivery she would knit her little brows and glare round tragically10, and say to the empty air, as if some real creature stood there--
"Ghastly, grim, and ancient Raven, wandering from the Nightly shore, Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night's Plutonian shore!"
"She'd bring up the nasty carrion11 bird that clear," corroborated12 the sick woman reluctantly, "as she stood there in her little sash and things, that you could see un a'most before your very eyes. You too, Jude, had the same trick as a child of seeming to see things in the air."
The neighbour told also of Sue's accomplishments13 in other kinds:
"She was not exactly a tomboy, you know; but she could do things that only boys do, as a rule. I've seen her hit in and steer14 down the long slide on yonder pond, with her little curls blowing, one of a file of twenty moving along against the sky like shapes painted on glass, and up the back slide without stopping. All boys except herself; and then they'd cheer her, and then she'd say, 'Don't be saucy15, boys,' and suddenly run indoors. They'd try to coax16 her out again. But 'a wouldn't come."
These retrospective visions of Sue only made Jude the more miserable that he was unable to woo her, and he left the cottage of his aunt that day with a heavy heart. He would fain have glanced into the school to see the room in which Sue's little figure had so glorified17 itself; but he checked his desire and went on.
It being Sunday evening some villagers who had known him during his residence here were standing18 in a group in their best clothes. Jude was startled by a salute19 from one of them:
"Ye've got there right enough, then!"
Jude showed that he did not understand.
"Why, to the seat of l'arning--the 'City of Light' you used to talk to us about as a little boy! Is it all you expected of it?"
"Yes; more!" cried Jude.
"When I was there once for an hour I didn't see much in it for my part; auld20 crumbling21 buildings, half church, half almshouse, and not much going on at that."
"You are wrong, John; there is more going on than meets the eye of a man walking through the streets. It is a unique centre of thought and religion-- the intellectual and spiritual granary of this country. All that silence and absence of goings-on is the stillness of infinite motion--the sleep of the spinning-top, to borrow the simile22 of a well-known writer."
"Oh, well, it med be all that, or it med not. As I say, I didn't see nothing of it the hour or two I was there; so I went in and had a pot o' beer, and a penny loaf, and a ha'porth o' cheese, and waited till it was time to come along home. You've j'ined a college by this time, I suppose?"
"Ah, no!" said Jude. "I am almost as far off that as ever."
"How so?"
Jude slapped his pocket.
"Just what we thought! Such places be not for such as you-- only for them with plenty o' money."
"There you are wrong," said Jude, with some bitterness. "They are for such ones!"
Still, the remark was sufficient to withdraw Jude's attention from the imaginative world he had lately inhabited, in which an abstract figure, more or less himself, was steeping his mind in a sublimation23 of the arts and sciences, and making his calling and election sure to a seat in the paradise of the learned. He was set regarding his prospects24 in a cold northern light. He had lately felt that he could not quite satisfy himself in his Greek--in the Greek of the dramatists particularly. So fatigued25 was he sometimes after his day's work that he could not maintain the critical attention necessary for thorough application. He felt that he wanted a coach-- a friend at his elbow to tell him in a moment what sometimes would occupy him a weary month in extracting from unanticipative, clumsy books.
It was decidedly necessary to consider facts a little more closely than he had done of late. What was the good, after all, of using up his spare hours in a vague labour called "private study" without giving an outlook on practicabilities?
"I ought to have thought of this before," he said, as he journeyed back. "It would have been better never to have embarked26 in the scheme at all than to do it without seeing clearly where I am going, or what I am aiming at.... This hovering27 outside the walls of the colleges, as if expecting some arm to be stretched out from them to lift me inside, won't do! I must get special information."
The next week accordingly he sought it. What at first seemed an opportunity occurred one afternoon when he saw an elderly gentleman, who had been pointed29 out as the head of a particular college, walking in the public path of a parklike enclosure near the spot at which Jude chanced to be sitting. The gentleman came nearer, and Jude looked anxiously at his face. It seemed benign30, considerate, yet rather reserved. On second thoughts Jude felt that he could not go up and address him; but he was sufficiently31 influenced by the incident to think what a wise thing it would be for him to state his difficulties by letter to some of the best and most judicious32 of these old masters, and obtain their advice.
During the next week or two he accordingly placed himself in such positions about the city as would afford him glimpses of several of the most distinguished33 among the provosts, wardens34, and other heads of houses; and from those he ultimately selected five whose physiognomies seemed to say to him that they were appreciative35 and far-seeing men. To these five he addressed letters, briefly36 stating his difficulties, and asking their opinion on his stranded37 situation.
When the letters were posted Jude mentally began to criticize them; he wished they had not been sent. "It is just one of those intrusive38, vulgar, pushing, applications which are so common in these days," he thought. "Why couldn't I know better than address utter strangers in such a way? I may be an impostor, and idle scamp, a man with a bad character, for all that they know to the contrary.... Perhaps that's what I am!"
Nevertheless, he found himself clinging to the hope of some reply as to his one last chance of redemption. He waited day after day, saying that it was perfectly39 absurd to expect, yet expecting. While he waited he was suddenly stirred by news about Phillotson. Phillotson was giving up the school near Christminster, for a larger one further south, in Mid-Wessex. What this meant; how it would affect his cousin; whether, as seemed possible, it was a practical move of the schoolmaster's towards a larger income, in view of a provision for two instead of one, he would not allow himself to say. And the tender relations between Phillotson and the young girl of whom Jude was passionately40 enamoured effectually made it repugnant to Jude's tastes to apply to Phillotson for advice on his own scheme.
Meanwhile the academic dignitaries to whom Jude had written vouchsafed41 no answer, and the young man was thus thrown back entirely42 on himself, as formerly43, with the added gloom of a weakened hope. By indirect inquiries44 he soon perceived clearly what he had long uneasily suspected, that to qualify himself for certain open scholarships and exhibitions was the only brilliant course. But to do this a good deal of coaching would be necessary, and much natural ability. It was next to impossible that a man reading on his own system, however widely and thoroughly45, even over the prolonged period of ten years, should be able to compete with those who had passed their lives under trained teachers and had worked to ordained46 lines.
The other course, that of buying himself in, so to speak, seemed the only one really open to men like him, the difficulty being simply of a material kind. With the help of his information he began to reckon the extent of this material obstacle, and ascertained47, to his dismay, that, at the rate at which, with the best of fortune, he would be able to save money, fifteen years must elapse before he could be in a position to forward testimonials to the head of a college and advance to a matriculation examination. The undertaking48 was hopeless.
He saw what a curious and cunning glamour49 the neighbourhood of the place had exercised over him. To get there and live there, to move among the churches and halls and become imbued50 with the GENIUS LOCI, had seemed to his dreaming youth, as the spot shaped its charms to him from its halo on the horizon, the obvious and ideal thing to do. "Let me only get there," he had said with the fatuousness51 of Crusoe over his big boat, "and the rest is but a matter of time and energy." It would have been far better for him in every way if he had never come within sight and sound of the delusive52 precincts, had gone to some busy commercial town with the sole object of making money by his wits, and thence surveyed his plan in true perspective. Well, all that was clear to him amounted to this, that the whole scheme had burst up, like an iridescent53 soap-bubble, under the touch of a reasoned inquiry54. He looked back at himself along the vista55 of his past years, and his thought was akin5 to Heine's:
Above the youth's inspired and flashing eyes I see the motley mocking fool's-cap rise!
Fortunately he had not been allowed to bring his disappointment into his dear Sue's life by involving her in this collapse56. And the painful details of his awakening57 to a sense of his limitations should now be spared her as far as possible. After all, she had only know a little part of the miserable struggle in which he had been engaged thus unequipped, poor, and unforeseeing.
He always remembered the appearance of the afternoon on which he awoke from his dream. Not quite knowing what to do with himself, he went up to an octagonal chamber58 in the lantern of a singularly built theatre that was set amidst this quaint59 and singular city. It had windows all round, from which an outlook over the whole town and its edifices60 could be gained. Jude's eyes swept all the views in succession, meditatively61, mournfully, yet sturdily. Those buildings and their associations and privileges were not for him. From the looming62 roof of the great library, into which he hardly ever had time to enter, his gaze travelled on to the varied63 spires64, halls, gables, streets, chapels65, gardens, quadrangles, which composed the ensemble66 of this unrivalled panorama67. He saw that his destiny lay not with these, but among the manual toilers in the shabby purlieu which he himself occupied, unrecognized as part of the city at all by its visitors and panegyrists, yet without whose denizens68 the hard readers could not read nor the high thinkers live.
He looked over the town into the country beyond, to the trees which screened her whose presence had at first been the support of his heart, and whose loss was now a maddening torture. But for this blow he might have borne with his fate. With Sue as companion he could have renounced69 his ambitions with a smile. Without her it was inevitable70 that the reaction from the long strain to which he had subjected himself should affect him disastrously71. Phillotson had no doubt passed through a similar intellectual disappointment to that which now enveloped72 him. But the schoolmaster had been since blest with the consolation73 of sweet Sue, while for him there was no consoler.
Descending74 to the streets, he went listlessly along till he arrived at an inn, and entered it. Here he drank several glasses of beer in rapid succession, and when he came out it was night. By the light of the flickering75 lamps he rambled76 home to supper, and had not long been sitting at table when his landlady77 brought up a letter that had just arrived for him. She laid it down as if impressed with a sense of its possible importance, and on looking at it Jude perceived that it bore the embossed stamp of one of the colleges whose heads he had addressed. "ONE--at last!" cried Jude.
The communication was brief, and not exactly what he had expected; though it really was from the master in person. It ran thus:
"BIBLIOLL COLLEGE.
"SIR,--I have read your letter with interest; and, judging from your description of yourself as a working-man, I venture to think that you will have a much better chance of success in life by remaining in your own sphere and sticking to your trade than by adopting any other course. That, therefore, is what I advise you to do. Yours faithfully, "T. TETUPHENAY. "To Mr. J. FAWLEY, Stone-mason."
This terribly sensible advice exasperated78 Jude. He had known all that before. He knew it was true. Yet it seemed a hard slap after ten years of labour, and its effect upon him just now was to make him rise recklessly from the table, and, instead of reading as usual, to go downstairs and into the street. He stood at a bar and tossed off two or three glasses, then unconsciously sauntered along till he came to a spot called The Fourways in the middle of the city, gazing abstractedly at the groups of people like one in a trance, till, coming to himself, he began talking to the policeman fixed79 there.
That officer yawned, stretched out his elbows, elevated himself an inch and a half on the balls of his toes, smiled, and looking humorously at Jude, said, "You've had a wet, young man."
"No; I've only begun," he replied cynically80.
Whatever his wetness, his brains were dry enough. He only heard in part the policeman's further remarks, having fallen into thought on what struggling people like himself had stood at that crossway, whom nobody ever thought of now. It had more history than the oldest college in the city. It was literally81 teeming82, stratified, with the shades of human groups, who had met there for tragedy, comedy, farce83; real enactments84 of the intensest kind. At Fourways men had stood and talked of Napoleon, the loss of America, the execution of King Charles, the burning of the Martyrs85, the Crusades, the Norman Conquest, possibly of the arrival of Caesar. Here the two sexes had met for loving, hating, coupling, parting; had waited, had suffered, for each other; had triumphed over each other; cursed each other in jealousy86, blessed each other in forgiveness.
He began to see that the town life was a book of humanity infinitely87 more palpitating, varied, and compendious88 than the gown life. These struggling men and women before him were the reality of Christminster, though they knew little of Christ or Minster. That was one of the humours of things. The floating population of students and teachers, who did know both in a way, were not Christminster in a local sense at all.
He looked at his watch, and, in pursuit of this idea, he went on till he came to a public hall, where a promenade89 concert was in progress. Jude entered, and found the room full of shop youths and girls, soldiers, apprentices90, boys of eleven smoking cigarettes, and light women of the more respectable and amateur class. He had tapped the real Christminster life. A band was playing, and the crowd walked about and jostled each other, and every now and then a man got upon a platform and sang a comic song.
The spirit of Sue seemed to hover28 round him and prevent his flirting91 and drinking with the frolicsome92 girls who made advances-- wistful to gain a little joy. At ten o'clock he came away, choosing a circuitous93 route homeward to pass the gates of the college whose head had just sent him the note.
The gates were shut, and, by an impulse, he took from his pocket the lump of chalk which as a workman he usually carried there, and wrote along the wall:
"I HAVE UNDERSTANDING AS WELL AS YOU; I AM NOT INFERIOR TO YOU: YEA, WHO KNOWETH NOT SUCH THINGS AS THESE?"--Job xii. 3.
裘德的一辈子含辛茹苦的老姑婆在马利格林病倒了，他在下面那个礼拜天去看望她。他本想去趟拉姆登村，忍痛跟他的表亲做一次长谈，借此向她一吐积愫，不过这也很难启口，再说他那天晚上看到的令他极感痛苦的情景，他也只能秘而不宣。他探视站婆正是胜利地克服了原来打算的结果。
他姑婆下不了床，他在那儿短短一天中，绝大部分时间都忙活着种种安排，好让她舒服点。小面包房已经转让给一家邻居。有了变卖所得，加上平时积蓄，她完全用不着为日常吃穿用发愁，再说还有位同村寡妇跟她一块儿过，照她的意思服侍她。到他快走的时候，他才抽出点空跟姑婆安安静静说会子话。他没头没脑地扯到了苏身上。
“苏是在这儿生的吧？”
“对啦——就在这间屋里头。他们那会儿就住在这儿。你问这干吗？”
“哦——我想知道知道。”
“那你一定是跟她常来常往喽！”严厉的老太婆说，“我跟你说什么来着？”
“哎——我没跟她常来常往。”
“你跟她聊过吧？”
“聊过。”
“那你就算了吧。她爸爸把她带大了，就是教她恨她妈娘家人。你这么个干苦活儿的，她才看不上眼呢——她这会儿成了城里派头的姑娘啦。我压根儿都是随她去。不听话的小丫头，老是那么个样儿，还神经兮兮的。就为她顶嘴，我敲了她多少回呀。有那么一天，她连鞋带袜子一脱，就下到塘里去啦，裙子都拉到磕膝头上边。我臊得还没喊出来，她就说：‘姑婆，你一边儿去吧。这可不是讲规矩的人瞧的哟！’”
“她那会儿还是小孩儿哪。”
“怎么说也十二岁啦。”
“就是呀。不过她这会儿人大啦，她人心思细，见事快，脾气好，敏感得就跟——”
“裘德呀！”他始婆大声喊出来，在床上硬挺了一下。“你可别为她再犯糊涂吧！”
“没有，没有，当然没有。”
“你娶了那个叫阿拉贝拉的娘儿们，真算是男人变着法儿干出来的坏事哟。可她这会儿总算到天那边去啦，再不会跟你纠缠啦。你是叫人捆死了的，你要是不知好歹在苏身上打主意，那你干的事儿还要坏哪。表妹妹对你客客气气，你就有礼还礼，也跟她客客气气。亲戚跟亲戚好心好意，可你一过这条线，那你就是为她疯得找死啦。她要是跟城里人一样流里流气，那你就算毁啦。”
“姑婆，别说她坏话吧！别说啦，行吧！”这时候姑婆那位女伴和护理进来了，裘德这才下了台。她准是听见他们的谈话来着，因为她谈起好多年前的旧事来了，讲到她记得的苏·柏瑞和是个什么样的小女孩儿。她说，她爸爸上伦敦之前，她就在草场对面的村办小学上学，接着形容她是个多么古怪精灵的小丫头——那年教区长办了回朗诵和背诵会，她怎么穿着小白罩衫、矮帮鞋，系着粉红带子上了讲台，比谁都小；她怎么背《再高、再高》、《深夜里欢声雷动》和《大老鸹》；背的时候怎么小眉毛拧着，难过地朝四处眨巴眼儿，对着半空里说话，真像那儿有个大老鸹：
“狰狞怕人的大老鸹，你从夜茫茫的海岸出发游荡，
告诉我你那堂皇的名字是什么，在永夜的冥国的榜上！”
“她系着粉红带子什么的站在那儿，把吃臭烂肉的脏老鸹真演活啦。”病老太婆也只好跟着帮腔。“她简直就跟真瞧见老鸹似的。裘德呀，你小时候也会来这一套呢，眼朝上望，对着半天空，跟真瞧见什么一样。”
那位邻居又讲了些苏别的趣事。
“她可不是个调皮鬼，你也知道。可是她平常干的事儿，只有男娃儿才干得出来呢。那回我瞧见她嗖地蹦到那边塘里头，跟着一滑就滑得老远的，小崽发随风飘着。那一串有二十个娃儿，她也是一个，他们一气往塘那头滑，滑过来滑过去，没个停，上边顶着天，样儿就像在玻璃上。那里头就她一个女娃儿，他们都给她叫好。她说，‘男娃儿呀，别那么骚不唧儿的！’抽冷子就跑家里去了。他们想法要把她哄出来，她可不干啦。”
她们回想起来的苏的形象反倒让裘德心里更难过，因为他再休想向她求爱了。离开姑婆的小房子时候，他心里沉甸甸的，很想顺路到那个小学，瞧瞧她小小身影呆过的教室，她在那儿曾大放异彩，但是他克制了这个欲望，继续往前走。
因为是礼拜天晚上，有些人穿着顶好的衣服站在一块儿，他住在村里时候，他们都认识他。其中一位挺客气地跟他打招呼，他倒吓了一跳。
“你总算到了那边啦，对吧？”
裘德露出来没明白他说的意思。
“哎呀，就是那个讲学问的老窝子嘛——你还是孩子时候不就常跟我们讲那个‘光明之城’嘛！那儿都跟你想的一样吧？”
“是呀，还不止我想的哪！”裘德大声说。
“我有回在那儿呆了一个钟头，我这人可没看到多少东西；全是破旧的老大楼哇，一半儿教堂，一半儿善堂，简直没什么活气儿啊。”
“你错啦，约翰；你要是随便在街上逛逛，两只眼就看不出来什么。那儿的活气儿才足哪。它是天下有一无二的思想和宗教的中心哪——存着这个国家学问和精神的大仓库啊。那儿干什么都静悄悄，不那么人来人往闹哄哄的，万有运行，无声无息嘛——借个有名作家打的比方吧，好比陀螺转，瞧着就跟没转一样。”
“哦，好啦，大概是那么回事儿吧，可也不一定那么回事儿，所以我才进了馆子，要了一缸子啤酒、一便士面包、半便士干酪，待到该回家时候才走。我想你到这会儿准是上成了大学吧？”
“哎，没哪！”裘德说。“我离它还远着呢，简直跟从前没两样。”
“怎么搞的？”
裘德拍了拍口袋。
“果然不出所料啊！那地方可不是为你这号人开的——是专门给手里大把大把钱的人开的啊。”
“这你又错啦。”裘德说，嘴里硬，心里难受。“就是为我这号人开的呀！”
乡亲的这番议论按理足以给他指点迷津，叫他从新近陷进去的太虚幻境猛醒回头：那儿有个脱离现实的小人物，说起来不就是他嘛，一门心思要高攀艺术与科学的崇高圣境，邑勉以求，务必在大学问家的乐园中博得一席之地。现在乡亲说得这么露骨了，不容他不好好看看自己的前景如何。就拿近的来说吧，他就觉着对希腊文、特别是希腊文剧作的理解程度，连自己也不满意。每天干完活儿，有时候真累得慌，简直没法保持钻研、分析所不可少的注意力，以求透彻了解。他深深感到没有导师绝对不行——需要一位近在身边的朋友，碰上深文奥义、艰涩难解的著作，就是费一个月精力还是苦于索解的时候，能给他提示要领，使他能对问题豁然贯通，掌握精要。
他不能再这样沉湎于空想了，考虑考虑现实情况是绝对必要的。他以前把他的空闲时间一味用在含混的所谓“个人钻研”上，不看一下实效，到头来究竟有什么收获？
“我早就该这样想啦，”他在回家路上说，“我说要按学习计划来，可是方向既不明，目标又不准，那还不如根本不靠什么计划呢。我老是这么在学院外头瞎转悠，仿佛里头真会伸出胳臂，把我举起来，放到里头去，可哪儿有这门子好事呀！我得找到专门的路道才行哪。”
下个礼拜他就按自己的设想开展活动。有天下午似乎机会来了，一位风度高雅的老先生，人家讲他是某学院院长，正在一块花园似的私人界地上的公用小路散步，正好离裘德坐的地方挺近。老先生走近了一点，裘德心急地盯着他脸看。老先生倒是慈眉善目、能替人着想的样子，不过也透着内向，不大爱搭理人。裘德转念一想，还是不宜冒昧上前跟他搭话。不过这回跟他照个面，虽说事出偶然，对他却大有启发：他想倘若他能给几位德高望重、博学强识的老院长写信，陈述自己的困难，征求他们的意见，倒也不失为聪明之举。
下边一两个礼拜，他心里揣着这个主意到城里他认为适宜的地方呆着，便于有机会见到些超群迈众的院长、学监和其他学院负责人之流；最后他算挑中了五位，按人心不同、各如其面的相法，他们都透着目光如炬、慧眼识人；于是他向五位发了信，简述自己种种困难，请求他们对他在这种难乎为继的状况下何去何从，惠予指教。
信付邮后，裘德思想上又开始觉得这事情办得不妥，但愿那些信都没寄到才好。“这年头到处都是乱拉关系、爱出风头、言行粗鄙的家伙，乱写什么申请信，我怎么会不知道不应该给素昧平生的人这样写信呢？他们总不免往坏里头想，认为我是个招摇撞骗的家伙、好吃懒做的饭桶、生来心术不正的东西……也许我还真是那号人呢。”
尽管这样，他还是始终抱着收到回信的希望，把这看成他起死回生的最后机会。他等了一天又一天，嘴里说再盼着回信可太荒唐了，心里还是盼个没完。就在他等信的工夫，无意中听到费乐生的消息，一下子弄得他心乱如麻。费乐生要推掉基督堂城外那所小学，转到更往南去的中维塞克斯一所大点的小学。这究竟是怎么回事？对他的表亲有什么影响？是不是老师因为现在要担负两个人而不是一个人的生活而采取的切实可行的步骤？看来可能是这么回事儿，可他不想就这么肯定。费乐生跟他自己心坎上供养的年轻姑娘之间那层情好关系叫他极为反感，其结果是他决不会为学习计划向费乐生讨教。
同时，学术界名人仍然没给裘德回音，这年轻人只好跟以前一样全靠自己解决问题。但是，希望如此渺茫弄得他心情更加郁闷。他用了间接办法去打听有什么出路，很快就搞清楚了：让他长期疑虑、惴惴不安的事情，只有靠他取得领取奖学金和助学金资格，才是他唯一能走的光明之路。但是，要达到这个目的，非得接受大量的指导不可，此外要有一些生而具备的才干。另一个问题是，靠自订的程序从事自学的人，无论涉猎多广多深，哪怕持续不断花上十年苦功，要想同在训练有素的教师指导下过着学习生活，而且为取得合格条件早经努力的那些人进行竞争，并指望取得成功，那也是谈何容易啊。
还有一条路，姑且这么说吧，就是用“捐班”办法弄到资格，对他这样人倒不失为实实在在的公开的道路，困难只限于物质方面。他按照自己得到的资料开始核计物质方面的障碍有多大规模，最后计算的结果令他心灰意冷，因为就算他财运极为亨通，有能力按一定比率攒钱，其间也将历尽十五年光阴，方能博得向学院院长呈缴个人全面鉴定的正式证明的机会和参加入学考试的资格。所以采取这条道路在他也毫无希望可言。
他看透了这地方对他施展的迷幻术够多迷离惝忄兄而诡谲多端。想当年它就凭它在天际的一片光景对他展示了魔力，他这个做梦的青年就上了钩，一心想到它那儿，一心想在它那儿生活，一心想在学院和教堂中间徜徉，一心想儒染所谓“地方精神”，认为这一切都是彰明较著、要悉心毕力以赴的理想。“只要我到了那儿，”他就像克鲁索那样大言不惭地对他的大船说，“下边什么事就看我的时间精力啦。”如果他当初根本没陷进这假象充斥之地，不慑于它的外观与空谈，而是到热闹繁忙的商业城市去，凭自己的精明强干，以赚钱发财为目标，脚踏实地来评估自己的计划，无论怎么样，一切都会胜强百倍啊。唉，这一比较，事情也就显得十分亮堂。学习计划受到了理性的检验，也就跟五光十色的肥皂泡一样，一下子炸碎了。他回顾以往多年自己的足迹，感触独深，正应了海涅说的话：
在那年轻人的富于灵感而炯炯有神的双眸的上空，
我瞧见身披彩衣、装腔作势的愚人帽在晃动。
所幸的是，他以前没机会把亲爱的苏也牵扯进他这一败涂地的境遇，没给她的生活注入失望。而且他终于明白过来自身本来就有的种种条件限制，而这个痛苦的觉醒过程现在不该让她了解。对他从前如何在妙手空空、一贫如洗、前途难卜的条件下所进行的惨痛的斗争，她毕竟所知有限。
他永远忘不了那个下午他从梦中醒来的光景，当时他恍恍惚惚，不知怎么才好，于是走进了圆形会堂。它是这有异常动人风貌的独特城市的独特建筑，顶上是带天窗的八角形阁楼，每面均有窗户，从那儿可纵览全城和它的巍峨建筑。裘德登上了阁楼，凭窗骋目，景色一望无余。他心绪万千，悲愤填膺，同时屹然不屈，崇楼杰阁以及与它们关联着的事物与特权，根本与他无缘。他凝视从前没工夫一顾的宏大图书馆浮现在空中的房顶，而随着阳光照临之处又是林林总总的尖塔、学院、山墙、街衢、礼拜堂和四方院，这一切构成了举世无双的风光，犹如气势磅礴的大合奏。他看明白他的命运不是寄托在这些东西上，而是留在自己身在其内的劳动者中间，同他们一块儿在自己也寄居的穷街陋巷中安身立命。尽管观光者和颂扬者根本不承认它们是城市本身一部分，然而若没有那儿的栖居者，勤奋的读书人固然读不成书，高尚的思想家也活不下去。
他的目光越过城区，投向远处的乡间，葱笼的林木挡住了他的视线，把她掩蔽起来了。原先她的音容笑貌成了他的心灵的依靠，而同她的睽离却变成令人发狂的精神折磨。对于这一重打击，他或许可以诿之于命该如此，勉能承受。有苏同他形影相依，不论他的野心落到什么样的结局，他总可付之一笑。而没有苏，他长期承受的身心过度紧张所产生的反应势必对他造成悲惨后果。费乐生以前求知问道无疑也曾碰到他所尝到的那样闭门羹而痛感失望。然而小学教师如今有了甜蜜的苏，这就使他得了安慰，也有了福。而他又有谁来安慰呢！
他从阁楼下来，到了街上，无精打采地往前走，到了一个客店前面，就进去了。他很快一连喝了三杯啤酒，出来时候已是掌灯时分，在闪烁的路灯光下，悠悠荡荡地回家吃晚饭。在桌子旁边没坐多大一会儿，房东太太给他送来一封刚到的信。她放信的时候，脸上煞有介事地一副预感发生大事的神气。裘德一看，上面有个学院的钢印，他曾经向该院院长发过信。“着啊——最后总算来了一个啦！”裘德大声喊道。
信的内容简短，跟他盼望已久的内容未免南辕北辙，不过的确是以院长个人名义寄来的。内容写的是：
石匠 J．福来先生：
接读大函，甚感兴趣。据你所述，得悉你为工人。现不揣冒昧，奉告如次：你似应谨守本业，一以贯之，则成功机会必不负苦心人，较另择高就稗益良多。鄙见如此，谨覆。
T．太徒弗奈于圣书学院
这个意见真是洞明世态，人情人理极了，但是裘德却大为恼火。他本来明知是这么回事，也知道它说的是大实话，可是他感到这是对他的十年辛苦狠狠揍了一巴掌。这下子影响实在太大了，他一气之下，什么都不顾了，猛地从桌边挺起身子，不是照平常那样看书，而是朝楼下跑。他上了街，站在一个吧台旁边，稀里糊涂地三杯酒一饮而尽，然后稀里糊涂地往前走，一直走到城市中部一个叫四路口的地方，昏昏沉沉地盯着一群人，神不守舍。后来他清醒过来了，开始跟站岗的警察搭起话来。
警察打了个阿欠，伸了伸胳臂肘，脚后跟往一块儿一磕，长了一英寸半，觉着挺有味儿地望着裘德，说：“小伙子，你醉了吧？”
“没醉，还早着呢。”他故意说俏皮话。
不管他这会儿多软弱，他脑子倒是完全没有乱。警察下边说的话，他只听见了一两句。他苦苦思索，多少像他这样百般苦斗的人站在这十字路口上，从来也没人搭理过。路口的历史比城里最古老的学院的历史还悠久呢。一点也不假，在它那儿着实看得到历代古人阴魂不散，成群结队，挤挤撞撞；他们会聚在那儿，演出过喜剧、悲剧和笑剧；那可是真人真事，真刀真枪的表演，激烈紧张到了无以复加的程度。人们当年站在四路口，大谈特谈拿破仑怎样胜利和失败呀，美洲怎样沦于敌手呀，查理王怎样被处决呀，殉教者怎样受火刑呀，十字军怎样跨海东征呀，诺曼底的威廉怎样征服呀，说不定还要讲到恺撒怎样挥师长驱直入，兵临城下呢。多少男男女女在这儿凑到一块儿，相爱了，反目了；成婚了，仳离了；你等着我，我念着你；你因我吃苦，我为你受罪；你占我上风，我压你气势；吃起醋来，就你骂我不得好死，我咒你不得超生，然后又回心转意，和好如初，但求上天保佑，有福同享。
他开始认识到市井生活是一部人性的万宝全书，它搏动有力，生生不息；它变化多端，花样百出；它小中见大，粗中有细；这样一看，市井生活比长袍先生的学院生活真是无限地高明啊。他前面这些为生活苦苦挣扎的男男女女才是基督堂的真正本色，虽然他们简直不知道什么“基督”呀，或什么“堂”。事情往往就这么令人忍俊不禁，这也是其一。至于那流动不居的学生和导师们固然从他们的角度对“基督”或“堂”自有一番见解，可那完全不是当地原汁原味的基督堂。
他看看表；为了印证他的观感，一直走下去，进了一家大众娱乐厅，里边有个不设座位的音乐会正在演奏。裘德一进去，就瞧见屋里到处是铺子的小伙计。大姑娘、丘八大爷、学徒、叼着香烟的十一岁的娃儿们、还算体面人家的出来想打野食的轻挑娘儿们。真正的基督堂生活啊，他算是人门啦。乐队奏着曲子，大群人转来转去，你推我操。一会儿隔一会儿，汉子们跑上去，唱个凑趣逗乐的歌儿。
但是苏的精灵似乎老跟着他，不许他跟风骚的小妞儿调情、喝酒；她们直往他这边儿凑，变着法儿要在他身上找点乐子。七点钟一到，他就走了，宁肯绕个大圈子往家走，为的是经过给他写信的院长的学院的大门。
大门关着。冲动之下，他从口袋里掏出当工人的总是随身带着的笔，顺着院墙一挥而就：
“我也有聪明，与你们一样，并非不及你们；你们所说的，
谁不知道呢？”
——《约伯记》第十二章第三节
收听单词发音 |
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embittered
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victorious
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| adj.胜利的，得胜的 | |
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inclination
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| n.倾斜；点头；弯腰；斜坡；倾度；倾向；爱好 | |
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miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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akin
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| adj.同族的，类似的 | |
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savings
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| n.存款，储蓄 | |
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smacked
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| 拍，打，掴( smack的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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stark
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| adj.荒凉的；严酷的；完全的；adv.完全地 | |
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raven
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| n.渡鸟，乌鸦；adj.乌亮的 | |
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tragically
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| adv. 悲剧地，悲惨地 | |
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carrion
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| n.腐肉 | |
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corroborated
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| v.证实，支持（某种说法、信仰、理论等）( corroborate的过去式 ) | |
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accomplishments
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| n.造诣；完成( accomplishment的名词复数 )；技能；成绩；成就 | |
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steer
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| vt.驾驶，为…操舵；引导；vi.驾驶 | |
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saucy
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| adj.无礼的；俊俏的；活泼的 | |
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coax
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| v.哄诱，劝诱，用诱哄得到，诱取 | |
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glorified
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| 美其名的，变荣耀的 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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salute
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| vi.行礼，致意，问候，放礼炮；vt.向…致意，迎接，赞扬；n.招呼，敬礼，礼炮 | |
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auld
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| adj.老的，旧的 | |
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crumbling
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| adj.摇摇欲坠的 | |
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simile
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| n.直喻，明喻 | |
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sublimation
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| n.升华，升华物，高尚化 | |
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prospects
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fatigued
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embarked
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| 乘船( embark的过去式和过去分词 )； 装载； 从事 | |
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hovering
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| 鸟( hover的现在分词 )； 靠近（某事物）； （人）徘徊； 犹豫 | |
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hover
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| vi.翱翔，盘旋；徘徊；彷徨，犹豫 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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benign
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| adj.善良的，慈祥的；良性的，无危险的 | |
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sufficiently
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| adv.足够地，充分地 | |
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judicious
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| adj.明智的，明断的，能作出明智决定的 | |
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distinguished
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| adj.卓越的，杰出的，著名的 | |
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wardens
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| n.看守人( warden的名词复数 )；管理员；监察员；监察官 | |
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appreciative
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| adj.有鉴赏力的，有眼力的；感激的 | |
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briefly
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| adv.简单地，简短地 | |
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stranded
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| a.搁浅的，进退两难的 | |
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intrusive
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| adj.打搅的；侵扰的 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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vouchsafed
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| v.给予，赐予( vouchsafe的过去式和过去分词 )；允诺 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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thoroughly
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| adv.完全地，彻底地，十足地 | |
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ordained
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| v.任命（某人）为牧师( ordain的过去式和过去分词 )；授予（某人）圣职；（上帝、法律等）命令；判定 | |
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ascertained
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| v.弄清，确定，查明( ascertain的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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undertaking
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| n.保证，许诺，事业 | |
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glamour
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| n.魔力，魅力；vt.迷住 | |
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imbued
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| v.使（某人/某事）充满或激起（感情等）( imbue的过去式和过去分词 )；使充满；灌输；激发（强烈感情或品质等） | |
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fatuousness
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| n.愚昧，昏庸，蠢 | |
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delusive
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| adj.欺骗的，妄想的 | |
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iridescent
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| adj.彩虹色的，闪色的 | |
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inquiry
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| n.打听，询问，调查，查问 | |
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vista
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| n.远景，深景，展望，回想 | |
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collapse
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| vi.累倒；昏倒；倒塌；塌陷 | |
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awakening
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| n.觉醒，醒悟 adj.觉醒中的；唤醒的 | |
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chamber
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| n.房间，寝室；会议厅；议院；会所 | |
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quaint
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| adj.古雅的，离奇有趣的，奇怪的 | |
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edifices
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| n.大建筑物( edifice的名词复数 ) | |
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meditatively
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| adv.冥想地 | |
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looming
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| n.上现蜃景（光通过低层大气发生异常折射形成的一种海市蜃楼）v.隐约出现，阴森地逼近( loom的现在分词 )；隐约出现，阴森地逼近 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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spires
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| n.（教堂的） 塔尖，尖顶( spire的名词复数 ) | |
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chapels
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| n.小教堂， （医院、监狱等的）附属礼拜堂( chapel的名词复数 )；（在小教堂和附属礼拜堂举行的）礼拜仪式 | |
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ensemble
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| n.合奏(唱)组；全套服装；整体，总效果 | |
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panorama
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| n.全景，全景画，全景摄影，全景照片[装置] | |
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denizens
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| n.居民，住户( denizen的名词复数 ) | |
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renounced
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| v.声明放弃( renounce的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布放弃；宣布与…决裂；宣布摒弃 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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disastrously
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| ad.灾难性地 | |
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enveloped
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| v.包围，笼罩，包住( envelop的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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descending
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| n. 下行 adj. 下降的 | |
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flickering
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| adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的 | |
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rambled
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| （无目的地）漫游( ramble的过去式和过去分词 )； （喻）漫谈； 扯淡； 长篇大论 | |
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landlady
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| n.女房东，女地主 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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cynically
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| adv.爱嘲笑地，冷笑地 | |
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literally
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| adv.照字面意义，逐字地；确实 | |
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82
teeming
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| adj.丰富的v.充满( teem的现在分词 )；到处都是；（指水、雨等）暴降；倾注 | |
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farce
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| n.闹剧，笑剧，滑稽戏；胡闹 | |
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84
enactments
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| n.演出( enactment的名词复数 )；展现；规定；通过 | |
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85
martyrs
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| n.martyr的复数形式；烈士( martyr的名词复数 )；殉道者；殉教者；乞怜者（向人诉苦以博取同情） | |
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86
jealousy
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| n.妒忌，嫉妒，猜忌 | |
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infinitely
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| adv.无限地，无穷地 | |
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88
compendious
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| adj.简要的，精简的 | |
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89
promenade
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| n./v.散步 | |
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90
apprentices
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| 学徒，徒弟( apprentice的名词复数 ) | |
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91
flirting
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| v.调情，打情骂俏( flirt的现在分词 ) | |
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92
frolicsome
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| adj.嬉戏的，闹着玩的 | |
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93
circuitous
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| adj.迂回的路的，迂曲的，绕行的 | |
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