The tension between James and his parents became not less, but greater. That barrier which, almost from the beginning, they had watched with pain rise up between them now seemed indestructible, and all their efforts only made it more obvious and more stable. It was like some tropical plant which, for being cut down, grew ever with greater luxuriance. And there was a mischievous1 devil present at all their conversations that made them misunderstand one another as completely as though they spoke2 in different tongues. Notwithstanding their love, they were like strangers together; they could look at nothing from the same point of view.
The Parsons had lived their whole lives in an artificial state. Ill-educated as most of their contemporaries in that particular class, they had just enough knowledge to render them dogmatic and intolerant. It requires a good deal of information to discover one's own ignorance, but to the consciousness of this the good people had never arrived. They felt they knew as much as necessary, and naturally on the most debatable questions were most assured. Their standpoint was inconceivably narrow. They had the best intentions in the world of doing their duty, but what their duty was they accepted on trust, frivolously3. They walked round and round in a narrow circle, hemmed4 in by false ideals and by ugly prejudices, putting for the love of God unnecessary obstacles in their path and convinced that theirs was the only possible way, while all others led to damnation. They had never worked out an idea for themselves, never done a single deed on their own account, but invariably acted and thought according to the rule of their caste. They were not living creatures, but dogmatic machines.
James, going into the world, quickly realised that he had been brought up to a state of things which did not exist. He was like a sailor who has put out to sea in an ornamental5 boat, and finds that his sail is useless, the ropes not made to work, and the rudder immovable. The long, buoyant wind of the world blew away like thistle-down the conventions which had seemed so secure a foundation. But he discovered in himself a wonderful curiosity, an eagerness for adventure which led him boldly to affront6 every peril7; and the unknown lands of the intellect are every bit as dangerously fascinating as are those of sober fact. He read omnivorously8, saw many and varied9 things; the universe was spread out before him like an enthralling10 play. Knowledge is like the root of a tree, attaching man by its tendrils to the life about him. James found in existence new beauties, new interests, new complexities11; and he gained a lighter12 heart and, above all, an exquisite13 sense of freedom. At length he looked back with something like horror at that old life in which the fetters14 of ignorance had weighed so terribly upon him.
On his return to Little Primpton, he found his people as he had left them, doing the same things, repeating at every well-known juncture15 the same trite16 observations. Their ingenuousness17 affected18 him as a negro, civilised and educated, on visiting after many years his native tribe, might be affected by their nose-rings and yellow ochre. James was astounded19 that they should ignore matters which he fancied common knowledge, and at the same time accept beliefs that he had thought completely dead. He was willing enough to shrug20 his shoulders and humour their prejudices, but they had made of them a rule of life which governed every action with an iron tyranny. It was in accordance with all these outworn conventions that they conducted the daily round. And presently James found that his father and mother were striving to draw him back into the prison. Unconsciously, even with the greatest tenderness, they sought to place upon his neck again that irksome yoke21 which he had so difficultly thrown off.
If James had learnt anything, it was at all hazards to think for himself, accepting nothing on authority, questioning, doubting; it was to look upon life with a critical eye, trying to understand it, and to receive no ready-made explanations. Above all, he had learnt that every question has two sides. Now this was precisely22 what Colonel Parsons and his wife could never acknowledge; for them one view was certainly right, and the other as certainly wrong. There was no middle way. To doubt what they believed could only be ascribed to arrant23 folly24 or to wickedness. Sometimes James was thrown into a blind rage by the complacency with which from the depths of his nescience his father dogmatised. No man could have been more unassuming than he, and yet on just the points which were most uncertain his attitude was almost inconceivably arrogant25.
And James was horrified26 at the pettiness and the prejudice which he found in his home. Reading no books, for they thought it waste of time to read, the minds of his father and mother had sunk into such a narrow sluggishness27 that they could interest themselves only in trivialities. Their thoughts were occupied by their neighbours and the humdrum28 details of the life about them. Flattering themselves on their ideals and their high principles, they vegetated29 in stupid sloth30 and in a less than animal vacuity31. Every topic of conversation above the most commonplace they found dull or incomprehensible. James learned that he had to talk to them almost as if they were children, and the tedium32 of those endless days was intolerable.
Occasionally he was exasperated33 that he could not avoid the discussions which his father, with a weak man's obstinacy34, forced upon him. Some unhappy, baneful35 power seemed to drive Colonel Parsons to widen the rift36, the existence of which caused him such exquisite pain; his natural kindliness37 was obscured by an uncontrollable irritation38. One day he was reading the paper.
"I see we've had another unfortunate reverse," he said, looking up.
"Oh!"
"I suppose you're delighted, Jamie?"
"I'm very sorry. Why should I be otherwise?"
"You always stick up for the enemies of your country." Turning to his brother-in-law, he explained: "James says that if he'd been a Cape39 Dutchman he'd have fought against us."
"Well, he deserves to be court-martialled for saying so! "cried Major Forsyth.
"I don't think he means to be taken seriously," said his mother.
"Oh, yes, I do." It constantly annoyed James that when he said anything that was not quite an obvious truism, they should think he was speaking merely for effect. "Why, my dear mother, if you'd been a Boer woman you'd have potted at us from behind a haystack with the best of them."
"The Boers are robbers and brigands41."
"That's just what they say we are."
"But we're right."
"And they're equally convinced that they are."
"God can't be on both sides, James."
"The odd thing is the certainty with which both sides claim His exclusive protection."
"I should think it wicked to doubt that God is with us in a righteous war," said Mrs. Parsons.
"If the Boers weren't deceived by that old villain42 Kruger, they'd never have fought us."
"The Boers are strange people," replied James. "They actually prefer their independence to all the privileges and advantages of subjection.... The wonderful thing to me is that people should really think Mr. Kruger a hypocrite. A ruler who didn't honestly believe in himself and in his mission would never have had such influence. If a man wants power he must have self-faith; but then he may be narrow, intolerant, and vicious. His fellows will be like wax in his hands."
"If Kruger had been honest, he wouldn't have put up with bribery43 and corruption44."
"The last thing I expect is consistency45 in an animal of such contrary instincts as man."
"Every true Englishman, I'm thankful to say, thinks him a scoundrel and a blackguard."
"In a hundred years he will probably think him a patriot46 and a hero. In that time the sentimental47 view will be the only one of interest; and the sentimental view will put the Transvaal in the same category as Poland."
"You're nothing better than a pro-Boer, James."
"I'm nothing of the kind; but seeing how conflicting was current opinion, I took some trouble to find for myself a justification48 of the war. I couldn't help wondering why I went and killed people to whom I was personally quite indifferent."
"I hope because it was your duty as an officer of Her Majesty49 the Queen."
"Not exactly. I came to the conclusion that I killed people because I liked it. The fighting instinct is in my blood, and I'm never so happy as when I'm shooting things. Killing50 tigers is very good sport, but it's not in it with killing men. That is my justification, so far as I personally am concerned. As a member of society, I wage war for a different reason. War is the natural instinct of all creatures; not only do progress and civilisation51 arise from it, but it is the very condition of existence. Men, beasts, and plants are all in the same position: unless they fight incessantly52 they're wiped out; there's no sitting on one side and looking on.... When a state wants a neighbour's land, it has a perfect right to take it--if it can. Success is its justification. We English wanted the Transvaal for our greater numbers, for our trade, for the continuance of our power; that was our right to take it. The only thing that seems to me undignified is the rather pitiful set of excuses we made up."
"If those are your ideas, I think they are utterly53 ignoble54."
"I believe they're scientific."
"D'you think men go to war for scientific reasons?"
"No, of course not; they don't realise them. The great majority are incapable55 of abstract ideas, but fortunately they're emotional and sentimental; and the pill can be gilded56 with high falutin. It's for them that the Union Jack57 and the honour of Old England are dragged through every newspaper and brandished58 in every music hall. It's for them that all these atrocities59 are invented--most of them bunkum. Men are only savages60 with a thin veneer61 of civilisation, which is rather easily rubbed off, and then they act just like Red Indians; but as a general rule they're well enough behaved. The Boer isn't a bad sort, and the Englishman isn't a bad sort; but there's not room for both of them on the earth, and one of them has to go."
"My father fought for duty and honour's sake, and so fought his father before him."
"Men have always fought really for the same reasons--for self-protection and gain; but perhaps they have not seen quite so clearly as now the truth behind all their big words. The world and mankind haven't altered suddenly in the last few years."
* * *
Afterwards, when Colonel Parsons and his wife were alone together, and she saw that he was brooding over his son's words, she laid her hand on his shoulder, and said:
"Don't worry, Richmond; it'll come right in the end, if we trust and pray."
"I don't know what to make of him," he returned, sadly shaking his head. "It's not our boy, Frances; he couldn't be callous62 and unscrupulous, and--dishonourable. God forgive me for saying it!"
"Don't be hard on him, Richmond. I daresay he doesn't mean all he says. And remember that he's been very ill. He's not himself yet."
The Colonel sighed bitterly.
"When we looked forward so anxiously to his return, we didn't know that he would be like this."
James had gone out. He wandered along the silent roads, taking in large breaths of the fresh air, for his home affected him like a hot-house. The atmosphere was close and heavy, so that he could neither think freely nor see things in any reasonable light. He felt sometimes as though a weight were placed upon his head, that pressed him down, and pressed him down till he seemed almost forced to his knees.
He blamed himself for his lack of moderation. Why, remembering ever his father's unhappiness and his infirmities, could he not humour him? He was an old man, weak and frail63; it should not have been so difficult to use restraint towards him. James knew he had left them in Primpton House distressed64 and angry; but the only way to please them was to surrender his whole personality, giving up to their bidding all his thoughts and all his actions. They wished to exercise over him the most intolerable of all tyrannies, the tyranny of love. It was a heavy return they demanded for their affection if he must abandon his freedom, body and soul; he earnestly wished to make them happy, but that was too hard a price to pay. And then, with sudden rage, James asked himself why they should be so self-sufficiently certain that they were right. What an outrageous65 assumption it was that age must be infallible! Their idea of filial duty was that he should accept their authority, not because they were wise, but because they were old. When he was a child they had insisted on the utmost submission66, and now they expected the same submission--to their prejudice, intolerance, and lack of knowledge. They had almost ridiculously that calm, quiet, well-satisfied assurance which a king by right divine might have in the certainty that he could do no wrong.
And James, with bitter, painful scorn, thought of that frightful67 blunder which had forced Colonel Parsons to leave the service. At first his belief in his father had been such that James could not conceive the possibility even that he had acted wrongly; the mere40 fact that his father had chosen a certain course was proof of its being right and proper, and the shame lay with his chief, who had used him ill. But when he examined the affair and thought over it, the truth became only too clear; it came to him like a blow, and for a while he was overcome with shame. The fact was evident--alas! only too evident--his father was incapable of command. James was simply astounded; he tried not to hear the cruel words that buzzed in his ears, but he could not help it--imbecility, crass68 idiocy69, madness. It was worse than madness, the folly of it was almost criminal; he thought now that his father had escaped very easily.
James hastened his step, trying to rid himself of the irritating thoughts. He walked along the fat and fertile Kentish fields, by the neat iron railing with which they were enclosed. All about him was visible the care of man. Nothing was left wild. The trees were lopped into proper shape, cut down where their presence seemed inelegant, planted to complete the symmetry of a group. Nature herself was under the power of the formal influence, and flourished with a certain rigidity70 and decorum. After a while the impression became singularly irksome; it seemed to emphasise71 man's lack of freedom, reminding one of the iron conventions with which he is inevitably72 bound. In the sun, the valley, all green and wooded, was pleasantly cool; but when the clouds rolled up from the west heavily, brushing the surrounding hills, the aspect was so circumscribed73 that James could have cried out as with physical pain. The primness74 of the scene then was insufferable; the sombre, well-ordered elms, the meadows so carefully kept, seemed the garden of some great voluptuous75 prison, and the air was close with servitude.
James panted for breath. He thought of the vast distances of South Africa, bush and prairie stretching illimitably, and above, the blue sky, vaster still. There, at least, one could breathe freely, and stretch one's limbs.
"Why did I ever come back?" he cried.
The blood went thrilling through his veins76 at the mere thought of those days in which every minute had been intensely worth living. Then, indeed, was no restraint or pettiness; then men were hard and firm and strong. By comparison, people in England appeared so pitifully weak, vain, paltry77, insignificant78. What were the privations and the hardships beside the sense of mastery, the happy adventure, and the carelessness of life?
But the grey clouds hung over the valley, pregnant with rain. It gave him a singular feeling of discomfort79 to see them laden80 with water, and yet painfully holding it up.
"I can't stay in this place," he muttered. "I shall go mad."
A sudden desire for flight seized him. The clouds sank lower and lower, till he imagined he must bend his head to avoid them. If he could only get away for a little, he might regain81 his calm. At least, absence, he thought bitterly, was the only way to restore the old affection between him and his father.
He went home, and announced that he was going to London.
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mischievous
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| adj.调皮的，恶作剧的，有害的，伤人的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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frivolously
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| adv.轻浮地，愚昧地 | |
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hemmed
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| 缝…的褶边( hem的过去式和过去分词 )； 包围 | |
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ornamental
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| adj.装饰的；作装饰用的；n.装饰品；观赏植物 | |
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affront
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| n./v.侮辱，触怒 | |
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peril
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| n.(严重的)危险；危险的事物 | |
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omnivorously
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| adv.随手地 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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enthralling
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| 迷人的 | |
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complexities
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| 复杂性(complexity的名词复数)； 复杂的事物 | |
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lighter
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| n.打火机，点火器；驳船；v.用驳船运送；light的比较级 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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fetters
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| n.脚镣( fetter的名词复数 )；束缚v.给…上脚镣，束缚( fetter的第三人称单数 ) | |
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juncture
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| n.时刻，关键时刻，紧要关头 | |
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trite
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| adj.陈腐的 | |
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ingenuousness
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| n.率直；正直；老实 | |
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affected
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| adj.不自然的，假装的 | |
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astounded
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| v.使震惊(astound的过去式和过去分词)；愕然；愕；惊讶 | |
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shrug
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| v.耸肩(表示怀疑、冷漠、不知等) | |
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yoke
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| n.轭；支配；v.给...上轭，连接，使成配偶 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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arrant
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| adj.极端的；最大的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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arrogant
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| adj.傲慢的，自大的 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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sluggishness
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| 不振，萧条，呆滞；惰性；滞性；惯性 | |
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humdrum
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| adj.单调的，乏味的 | |
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vegetated
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| v.过单调呆板的生活( vegetate的过去式和过去分词 )；植物似地生长；（瘤、疣等）长大 | |
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sloth
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| n.[动]树懒；懒惰，懒散 | |
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vacuity
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| n.(想象力等)贫乏，无聊，空白 | |
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tedium
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| n.单调；烦闷 | |
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exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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obstinacy
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| n.顽固；（病痛等）难治 | |
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baneful
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| adj.有害的 | |
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rift
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| n.裂口，隙缝，切口；v.裂开，割开，渗入 | |
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kindliness
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| n.厚道，亲切，友好的行为 | |
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irritation
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| n.激怒，恼怒，生气 | |
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cape
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| n.海角，岬；披肩，短披风 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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brigands
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| n.土匪，强盗( brigand的名词复数 ) | |
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villain
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| n.反派演员，反面人物；恶棍；问题的起因 | |
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bribery
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| n.贿络行为，行贿，受贿 | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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consistency
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| n.一贯性，前后一致，稳定性；(液体的)浓度 | |
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patriot
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| n.爱国者，爱国主义者 | |
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sentimental
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| adj.多愁善感的，感伤的 | |
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justification
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| n.正当的理由；辩解的理由 | |
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majesty
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| n.雄伟，壮丽，庄严，威严；最高权威，王权 | |
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killing
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| n.巨额利润；突然赚大钱，发大财 | |
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civilisation
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| n.文明，文化，开化，教化 | |
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incessantly
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| ad.不停地 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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ignoble
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| adj.不光彩的，卑鄙的；可耻的 | |
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incapable
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| adj.无能力的，不能做某事的 | |
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gilded
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| a.镀金的，富有的 | |
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jack
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| n.插座，千斤顶，男人；v.抬起，提醒，扛举；n.（Jake）杰克 | |
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brandished
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| v.挥舞( brandish的过去式和过去分词 )；炫耀 | |
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atrocities
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| n.邪恶，暴行( atrocity的名词复数 )；滔天大罪 | |
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savages
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| 未开化的人，野蛮人( savage的名词复数 ) | |
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veneer
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| n.(墙上的)饰面，虚饰 | |
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callous
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| adj.无情的，冷淡的，硬结的，起老茧的 | |
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frail
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| adj.身体虚弱的；易损坏的 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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outrageous
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| adj.无理的，令人不能容忍的 | |
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submission
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| n.服从，投降；温顺，谦虚；提出 | |
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frightful
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| adj.可怕的；讨厌的 | |
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crass
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| adj.愚钝的，粗糙的；彻底的 | |
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idiocy
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| n.愚蠢 | |
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rigidity
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| adj.钢性，坚硬 | |
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emphasise
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| vt.加强...的语气，强调，着重 | |
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inevitably
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| adv.不可避免地；必然发生地 | |
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circumscribed
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| adj.[医]局限的：受限制或限于有限空间的v.在…周围划线( circumscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；划定…范围；限制；限定 | |
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74
primness
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| n.循规蹈矩，整洁 | |
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75
voluptuous
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| adj.肉欲的，骄奢淫逸的 | |
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76
veins
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| n.纹理；矿脉( vein的名词复数 )；静脉；叶脉；纹理 | |
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77
paltry
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| adj.无价值的，微不足道的 | |
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78
insignificant
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| adj.无关紧要的，可忽略的，无意义的 | |
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79
discomfort
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| n.不舒服，不安，难过，困难，不方便 | |
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80
laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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81
regain
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| vt.重新获得，收复，恢复 | |
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