In solitary1 walks James had found his only consolation2. He knew even in that populous3 district unfrequented parts where he could wander without fear of interruption. Among the trees and the flowers, in the broad meadows, he forgot himself; and, his senses sharpened by long absence, he learnt for the first time the exquisite4 charm of English country. He loved the spring, with its yellow, countless5 buttercups, spread over the green fields like a cloth of gold, whereon might fitly walk the angels of Messer Perugino. The colours were so delicate that one could not believe it possible for paints and paint-brush to reproduce them; the atmosphere visibly surrounded things, softening7 their outlines. Sometimes from a hill higher than the rest James looked down at the plain, bathed in golden sunlight. The fields of corn, the fields of clover, the roads and the rivulets8, formed themselves in that flood of light into an harmonious9 pattern, luminous10 and ethereal. A pleasant reverie filled his mind, unanalysable, a waking dream of half-voluptuous sensation.
On the other side of the common, James knew a wood of tall fir trees, dark and ragged11, their sombre green veiled in a silvery mist, as though, like a chill vapour, the hoar-frost of a hundred winters still lingered among their branches. At the edge of the hill, up which they climbed in serried12 hundreds, stood here and there an oak tree, just bursting into leaf, clothed with its new-born verdure, like the bride of the young god, Spring. And the ever-lasting youth of the oak trees contrasted wonderfully with the undying age of the firs. Then later, in the height of the summer, James found the pine wood cool and silent, fitting his humour. It was like the forest of life, the grey and sombre labyrinth13 where wandered the poet of Hell and Death. The tall trees rose straight and slender, like the barren masts of sailing ships; the gentle aromatic14 odour, the light subdued15; the purple mist, so faint as to be scarcely discernible, a mere16 tinge17 of warmth in the day--all gave him an exquisite sense of rest. Here he could forget his trouble, and give himself over to the love which seemed his real life; here the recollection of Mrs. Wallace gained flesh and blood, seeming so real that he almost stretched out his arms to seize her.... His footfall on the brown needles was noiseless, and the tread was soft and easy; the odours filled him like an Eastern drug with drowsy18 intoxication19.
But all that now was gone. When, unbidden, the well-known laugh rang again in his ears, or he felt on his hands the touch of the slender fingers, James turned away with a gesture of distaste. Now Mrs. Wallace brought him only bitterness, and he tortured himself insanely trying to forget her.... With tenfold force the sensation returned which had so terribly oppressed him before his illness; he felt that Nature had become intolerably monotonous20; the circumscribed21, prim22 country was horrible. On every inch of it the hand of man was apparent. It was a prison, and his hands and feet were chained with heavy iron.... The dark, immovable clouds were piled upon one another in giant masses--so distinct and sharply cut, so rounded, that one almost saw the impressure of the fingers of some Titanic23 sculptor24; and they hung low down, overwhelming, so that James could scarcely breathe. The sombre elms were too well-ordered, the meadows too carefully tended. All round, the hills were dark and drear; and that very fertility, that fat Kentish luxuriance, added to the oppression. It was a task impossible to escape from that iron circle. All power of flight abandoned him. Oh! he loathed25 it!
The past centuries of people, living in a certain way, with certain standards, influenced by certain emotions, were too strong for him. James was like a foolish bird--a bird born in a cage, without power to attain26 its freedom. His lust27 for a free life was futile28; he acknowledged with cruel self-contempt that he was weaker than a woman--ineffectual. He could not lead the life of his little circle, purposeless and untrue; and yet he had not power to lead a life of his own. Uncertain, vacillating, torn between the old and the new, his reason led him; his conscience drew him back. But the ties of his birth and ancestry29 were too strong; he had not the energy even of the poor tramp, who carries with him his whole fortune, and leaves in the lap of the gods the uncertain future. James envied with all his heart the beggar boy, wandering homeless and penniless, but free. He, at least, had not these inhuman30 fetters31 which it was death to suffer and death to cast off; he, indeed, could make the world his servant. Freedom, freedom! If one were only unconscious of captivity32, what would it matter? It is the knowledge that kills. And James walked again by the neat, iron railing which enclosed the fields, his head aching with the rigidity33 and decorum, wishing vainly for just one piece of barren, unkept land to remind him that all the world was not a prison.
Already the autumn had come. The rich, mouldering34 colours were like an air melancholy35 with the approach of inevitable36 death; but in those passionate37 tints38, in the red and gold of the apples, in the many tones of the first-fallen leaves, there was still something which forbade one to forget that in the death and decay of Nature there was always the beginning of other life. Yet to James the autumn heralded39 death, with no consoling afterthought. He had nothing to live for since he knew that Mrs. Wallace could never love him. His love for her had borne him up and sustained him; but now it was hateful and despicable. After all, his life was his own to do what he liked with; the love of others had no right to claim his self-respect. If he had duties to them, he had duties to himself also; and more vehemently40 than ever James felt that such a union as was before him could only be a degradation41. He repeated with new emotion that marriage without love was prostitution. If death was the only way in which he could keep clean that body ignorantly despised, why, he was not afraid of death! He had seen it too often for the thought to excite alarm. It was but a common, mechanical process, quickly finished, and not more painful than could be borne. The flesh is all which is certainly immortal42; the dissolution of consciousness is the signal of new birth. Out of corruption43 springs fresh life, like the roses from a Roman tomb; and the body, one with the earth, pursues the eternal round.
But one day James told himself impatiently that all these thoughts were mad and foolish; he could only have them because he was still out of health. Life, after all, was the most precious thing in the world. It was absurd to throw it away like a broken toy. He rebelled against the fate which seemed forcing itself upon him. He determined44 to make the effort and, come what might, break the hateful bonds. It only required a little courage, a little strength of mind. If others suffered, he had suffered too. The sacrifice they demanded was too great.... But when he returned to Primpton House, the inevitability45 of it all forced itself once again upon him. He shrugged46 his shoulders despairingly; it was no good.
The whole atmosphere oppressed him so that he felt powerless; some hidden influence surrounded James, sucking from his blood, as it were, all manliness47, dulling his brain. He became a mere puppet, acting48 in accordance to principles that were not his own, automatic, will-less. His father sat, as ever, in the dining-room by the fire, for only in the warmest weather could he do without artificial heat, and he read the paper, sometimes aloud, making little comments. His mother, at the table, on a stiff-backed chair, was knitting--everlastingly knitting. Outwardly there was in them a placid49 content, and a gentleness which made them seem pliant50 as wax; but really they were iron. James knew at last how pitiless was their love, how inhumanly51 cruel their intolerance; and of the two his father seemed more implacable, more horribly relentless52. His mother's anger was bearable, but the Colonel's very weakness was a deadly weapon. His despair, his dumb sorrow, his entire dependence53 on the forbearance of others, were more tyrannical than the most despotic power. James was indeed a bird beating himself against the imprisoning54 cage; and its bars were loving-kindness and trust, tears, silent distress56, bitter disillusion57, and old age.
"Where's Mary?" asked James.
"She's in the garden, walking with Uncle William."
"How well they get on together," said the Colonel, smiling.
James looked at his father, and thought he had never seen him so old and feeble. His hands were almost transparent58; his thin white hair, his bowed shoulders, gave an impression of utter weakness.
"Are you very glad the wedding is so near, father?" asked James, placing his hand gently on the old man's shoulder.
"I should think I was."
"You want to get rid of me so badly?"
"'A man shall leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave59 unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.' We shall have to do without you."
"I wonder whether you are fonder of Mary than of me?"
The Colonel did not answer, but Mrs. Parsons laughed.
"My impression is that your father has grown so devoted60 to Mary that he hardly thinks you worthy61 of her."
"Really? And yet you want me to marry her, don't you, daddy?"
"It's the wish of my heart."
"Were you very wretched when our engagement was broken off?"
"Don't talk of it! Now it's all settled, Jamie, I can tell you that I'd sooner see you dead at my feet than that you should break your word to Mary."
James laughed.
"And you, mother?" he asked, lightly.
She did not answer, but looked at him earnestly.
"What, you too? Would you rather see me dead than not married to Mary? What a bloodthirsty pair you are!"
James, laughing, spoke62 so gaily63, it never dawned on them that his words meant more than was obvious; and yet he felt that they, loving but implacable, had signed his death-warrant. With smiling faces they had thrown open the portals of that House, and he, smiling, was ready to enter.
Mary at that moment came in, followed by Uncle William.
"Well, Jamie, there you are!" she cried, in that hard, metallic64 voice which to James betrayed so obviously the meanness of her spirit and her self-complacency. "Where on earth have you been?"
She stood by the table, straight, uncompromising, self-reliant; by her immaculate virtue65, by the strength of her narrow will, she completely domineered the others. She felt herself capable of managing them all, and, in fact, had been giving Uncle William a friendly little lecture upon some action of which she disapproved66. Mary had left off her summer things and wore again the plain serge skirt, and because it was rainy, the battered67 straw hat of the preceding winter. She was using up her old things, and having got all possible wear out of them, intended on the day before her marriage generously to distribute them among the poor.
"Is my face very red?" she asked. "There's a lot of wind to-day."
To James she had never seemed more unfeminine; that physical repulsion which at first had terrified him now was grown into an ungovernable hate. Everything Mary did irritated and exasperated68 him; he wondered she did not see the hatred69 in his eyes as he looked at her, answering her question.
"Oh, no," he said to himself, "I would rather shoot myself than marry you!"
His dislike was unreasonable70, but he could not help it; and the devotion of his parents made him detest71 her all the more; he could not imagine what they saw in her. With hostile glance he watched her movements as she took off her hat and arranged her hair, grimly drawn72 back and excessively neat; she fetched her knitting from Mrs. Parsons's work-basket and sat down. All her actions had in them an insufferable air of patronage73, and she seemed more than usually pleased with herself. James had an insane desire to hurt her, to ruffle74 that self-satisfaction; and he wanted to say something that should wound her to the quick. And all the time he laughed and jested as though he were in the highest spirits.
"And what were you doing this morning, Mary?" asked Colonel Parsons.
"Oh, I biked in to Tunbridge Wells with Mr. Dryland to play golf. He plays a rattling75 good game."
"Did he beat you?"
"Well, no," she answered, modestly. "It so happened that I beat him. But he took his thrashing remarkably76 well--some men get so angry when they're beaten by a girl."
"The curate has many virtues," said James.
"He was talking about you, Jamie. He said he thought you disliked him; but I told him I was certain you didn't. He's really such a good man, one can't help liking77 him. He said he'd like to teach you golf."
"And is he going to?"
"Certainly not. I mean to do that myself."
"There are many things you want to teach me, Mary. You'll have your hands full."
"Oh, by the way, father told me to remind you and Uncle William that you were shooting with him the day after to-morrow. You're to fetch him at ten."
"I hadn't forgotten," replied James. "Uncle William, we shall have to clean our guns to-morrow."
James had come to a decision at last, and meant to waste no time; indeed, there was none to waste. And to remind him how near was the date fixed78 for the wedding were the preparations almost complete. One or two presents had already arrived. With all his heart he thanked his father and mother for having made the way easier for him. He thought what he was about to do the kindest thing both to them and to Mary. Under no circumstances could he marry her; that would be adding a greater lie to those which he had already been forced into, and the misery79 was more than he could bear. But his death was the only other way of satisfying her undoubted claims. He had little doubt that in six months he would be as well forgotten as poor Reggie Larcher, and he did not care; he was sick of the whole business, and wanted the quiet of death. His love for Mrs. Wallace would never give him peace upon earth; it was utterly80 futile, and yet unconquerable.
James saw his opportunity in Colonel Clibborn's invitation to shoot; he was most anxious to make the affair seem accidental, and that, in cleaning his gun, was easy. He had been wounded before and knew that the pain was not very great. He had, therefore, nothing to fear.
Now at last he regained81 his spirits. He did not read or walk, but spent the day talking with his father; he wished the last impression he would leave to be as charming as possible, and took great pains to appear at his best.
He slept well that night, and in the morning dressed himself with unusual care. At Primpton House they breakfasted at eight, and afterwards James smoked his pipe, reading the newspaper. He was a little astonished at his calm, for doubt no longer assailed82 him, and the indecision which paralysed all his faculties83 had disappeared.
"It is the beginning of my freedom," he thought. All human interests had abandoned him, except a vague sensation of amusement. He saw the humour of the comedy he was acting, and dispassionately approved himself, because he did not give way to histrionics.
"Well, Uncle William," he said, at last, "what d'you say to setting to work on our guns?"
"I'm always ready for everything," said Major Forsyth.
"Come on, then."
They went into what they called the harness-room, and James began carefully to clean his gun.
"I think I'll take my coat off," he said; "I can work better without."
The gun had not been used for several months, and James had a good deal to do. He leant over and rubbed a little rust55 off the lock.
"Upon my word," said Uncle William, "I've never seen anyone handle a gun so carelessly as you. D'you call yourself a soldier?"
"I am a bit slack," replied James, laughing. "People are always telling me that."
"Well, take care, for goodness' sake! It may be loaded."
"Oh, no, there's no danger. It's not loaded, and besides, it's locked."
"Still, you oughtn't to hold it like that."
"It would be rather comic if I killed myself accidentally. I wonder what Mary would say?"
"Well, you've escaped death so often by the skin of your teeth, I think you're pretty safe from everything but old age."
Presently James turned to his uncle.
"I say, this is rotten oil. I wish we could get some fresh."
"I was just thinking that."
"Well, you're a pal84 of the cook. Go and ask her for some, there's a good chap."
"She'll do anything for me," said Major Forsyth, with a self-satisfied smile. It was his opinion that no woman, countess or scullery-maid, could resist his fascinations85; and taking the cup, he trotted86 off.
James immediately went to the cupboard and took out a cartridge87. He slipped it in, rested the butt6 on the ground, pointed88 the barrel to his heart, and--fired!
收听单词发音 |
1
solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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populous
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| adj.人口稠密的，人口众多的 | |
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exquisite
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| adj.精美的；敏锐的；剧烈的，感觉强烈的 | |
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countless
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| adj.无数的，多得不计其数的 | |
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butt
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| n.笑柄；烟蒂；枪托；臀部；v.用头撞或顶 | |
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softening
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| 变软，软化 | |
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rivulets
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| n.小河，小溪( rivulet的名词复数 ) | |
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harmonious
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| adj.和睦的，调和的，和谐的，协调的 | |
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luminous
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| adj.发光的，发亮的；光明的；明白易懂的；有启发的 | |
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ragged
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| adj.衣衫褴褛的，粗糙的，刺耳的 | |
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serried
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| adj.拥挤的；密集的 | |
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labyrinth
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| n.迷宫；难解的事物；迷路 | |
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aromatic
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| adj.芳香的，有香味的 | |
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subdued
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| adj. 屈服的，柔和的，减弱的 动词subdue的过去式和过去分词 | |
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mere
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| adj.纯粹的；仅仅，只不过 | |
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tinge
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| vt.(较淡)着色于，染色；使带有…气息；n.淡淡色彩，些微的气息 | |
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drowsy
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| adj.昏昏欲睡的，令人发困的 | |
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intoxication
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| n.wild excitement;drunkenness；poisoning | |
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monotonous
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| adj.单调的，一成不变的，使人厌倦的 | |
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circumscribed
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| adj.[医]局限的：受限制或限于有限空间的v.在…周围划线( circumscribe的过去式和过去分词 )；划定…范围；限制；限定 | |
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prim
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| adj.拘泥形式的，一本正经的；n.循规蹈矩，整洁；adv.循规蹈矩地，整洁地 | |
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titanic
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| adj.巨人的，庞大的，强大的 | |
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sculptor
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| n.雕刻家，雕刻家 | |
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loathed
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| v.憎恨，厌恶( loathe的过去式和过去分词 )；极不喜欢 | |
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attain
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| vt.达到，获得，完成 | |
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lust
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| n.性(淫)欲；渴(欲)望；vi.对…有强烈的欲望 | |
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futile
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| adj.无效的，无用的，无希望的 | |
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ancestry
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| n.祖先，家世 | |
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inhuman
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| adj.残忍的，不人道的，无人性的 | |
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fetters
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| n.脚镣( fetter的名词复数 )；束缚v.给…上脚镣，束缚( fetter的第三人称单数 ) | |
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captivity
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| n.囚禁；被俘；束缚 | |
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rigidity
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| adj.钢性，坚硬 | |
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mouldering
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| v.腐朽( moulder的现在分词 )；腐烂，崩塌 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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inevitable
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| adj.不可避免的，必然发生的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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tints
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| 色彩( tint的名词复数 )； 带白的颜色； （淡色）染发剂； 痕迹 | |
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heralded
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| v.预示( herald的过去式和过去分词 )；宣布（好或重要） | |
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vehemently
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| adv. 热烈地 | |
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degradation
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| n.降级；低落；退化；陵削；降解；衰变 | |
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immortal
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| adj.不朽的；永生的，不死的；神的 | |
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corruption
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| n.腐败，堕落，贪污 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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inevitability
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| n.必然性 | |
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shrugged
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| vt.耸肩（shrug的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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manliness
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| 刚毅 | |
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acting
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| n.演戏，行为，假装；adj.代理的，临时的，演出用的 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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pliant
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| adj.顺从的；可弯曲的 | |
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inhumanly
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| adv.无人情味地，残忍地 | |
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relentless
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| adj.残酷的，不留情的，无怜悯心的 | |
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dependence
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| n.依靠，依赖；信任，信赖；隶属 | |
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54
imprisoning
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| v.下狱，监禁( imprison的现在分词 ) | |
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rust
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| n.锈；v.生锈；(脑子)衰退 | |
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56
distress
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| n.苦恼，痛苦，不舒适；不幸；vt.使悲痛 | |
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disillusion
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| vt.使不再抱幻想，使理想破灭 | |
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transparent
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| adj.明显的，无疑的；透明的 | |
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59
cleave
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| v．(clave；cleaved)粘着，粘住；坚持；依恋 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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61
worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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gaily
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| adv.欢乐地，高兴地 | |
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metallic
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| adj.金属的；金属制的；含金属的；产金属的；像金属的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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disapproved
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| v.不赞成( disapprove的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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battered
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| adj.磨损的；v.连续猛击；磨损 | |
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68
exasperated
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| adj.恼怒的 | |
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hatred
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| n.憎恶，憎恨，仇恨 | |
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unreasonable
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| adj.不讲道理的，不合情理的，过度的 | |
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detest
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| vt.痛恨，憎恶 | |
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drawn
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| v.拖，拉，拔出；adj.憔悴的，紧张的 | |
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patronage
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| n.赞助，支援，援助；光顾，捧场 | |
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ruffle
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| v.弄皱，弄乱；激怒，扰乱；n.褶裥饰边 | |
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rattling
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| adj. 格格作响的, 活泼的, 很好的 adv. 极其, 很, 非常 动词rattle的现在分词 | |
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remarkably
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| ad.不同寻常地，相当地 | |
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liking
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| n.爱好；嗜好；喜欢 | |
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fixed
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| adj.固定的，不变的，准备好的；(计算机)固定的 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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utterly
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| adv.完全地，绝对地 | |
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regained
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| 复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 )； 赢回； 重回； 复至某地 | |
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assailed
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| v.攻击( assail的过去式和过去分词 )；困扰；质问；毅然应对 | |
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faculties
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| n.能力( faculty的名词复数 )；全体教职员；技巧；院 | |
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pal
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| n.朋友，伙伴，同志；vi.结为友 | |
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fascinations
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| n.魅力( fascination的名词复数 )；有魅力的东西；迷恋；陶醉 | |
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trotted
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| 小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走 | |
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cartridge
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| n.弹壳，弹药筒；(装磁带等的)盒子 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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