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A Fragment Of Autobiography
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In 1897, after spending five years at St Thomas's Hospital I passed the examinations which enabled me to practise medicine. While still a medical student I had published a novel called _Liza of Lambeth_ which caused a mild sensation, and on the strength of that I rashly decided1 to abandon doctoring and earn my living as a writer; so, as soon as I was 'qualified2', I set out for Spain and spent the best part of a year in Seville. I amused myself hugely and wrote a bad novel. Then I returned to London and, with a friend of my own age, took and furnished a small flat near Victoria Station. A maid of all work cooked for us and kept the flat neat and tidy. My friend was at the Bar, and so I had the day (and the flat) to myself and my work. During the next six years I wrote several novels and a number of plays. Only one of these novels had any success, but even that failed to make the stir that my first one had made. I could get no manager to take my plays. At last, in desperation, I sent one, which I called _A Man of Honour_, to the Stage Society, which gave two performances, one on Sunday night, another on Monday afternoon, of plays which, unsuitable for the commercial theatre, were considered of sufficient merit to please an intellectual audience. As every one knows, it was the Stage Society that produced the early plays of Bernard Shaw. The committee accepted _A Man of Honour_, and W.L. Courtney, who was a member of it, thought well enough of my crude play to publish it in _The Fortnightly Review_, of which he was then editor. It was a feather in my cap.

Though these efforts of mine brought me very little money, they attracted not a little attention, and I made friends. I was looked upon as a promising3 young writer and, I think I may say it without vanity, was accepted as a member of the intelligentsia, an honourable4 condition which, some years later, when I became a popular writer of light comedies, I lost; and have never since regained5. I was invited to literary parties and to parties given by women of rank and fashion who thought it behoved them to patronise the arts. An unattached and fairly presentable young man is always in demand. I lunched out and dined out. Since I could not afford to take cabs, when I dined out, in tails and a white tie, as was then the custom, I went and came back by bus. I was asked to spend week-ends in the country. They were something of a trial on account of the tips you had to give to the butler and to the footman who brought you your morning tea. He unpacked6 your gladstone bag, and you were uneasily aware that your well-worn pyjamas7 and modest toilet articles had made an unfavourable impression upon him. For all that, I found life pleasant and I enjoyed myself. There seemed no reason why I should not go on indefinitely in the same way, bringing out a novel once a year (which seldom earned more than the small advance the publisher had given me but which was on the whole respectably reviewed), going to more and more parties, making more and more friends. It was all very nice, but I couldn't see that it was leading me anywhere. I was thirty. I was in a rut. I felt I must get out of it. It did not take me long to make up my mind. I told the friend with whom I shared the flat that I wanted to be rid of it and go abroad. He could not keep it by himself, but we luckily found a middle-aged8 gentleman who wished to install his mistress in it, and was prepared to take it off our hands. We sold the furniture for what it could fetch, and within a month I was on my way to Paris. I took a room in a cheap hotel on the Left Bank.

A few months before this, I had been fortunate enough to make friends with a young painter who had a studio in the Rue9 Campagne Première. His name was Gerald Kelly. He had had an upbringing unusual for a painter, for he had been to Eton and to Cambridge. He was highly talented, abundantly loquacious10, and immensely enthusiastic. It was he who first made me acquainted with the Impressionists, whose pictures had recently been accepted by the Luxembourg. To my shame, I must admit that I could not make head or tail of them. Without much searching, I found an apartment on the fifth floor of a house near the Lion de Belfort. It had two rooms and a kitchen, and cost seven hundred francs a year, which was then twenty-eight pounds. I bought, second-hand11, such furniture and household utensils12 as were essential, and the _concierge_ told me of a woman who would come in for half a day and make my _café au lait_ in the morning and my luncheon13 at noon. I settled down and set to work on still another novel. Soon after my arrival, Gerald Kelly took me to a restaurant called Le Chat Blanc in the Rue d'Odessa, near the Gare Montparnasse, where a number of artists were in the habit of dining; and from then on I dined there every night. I have described the place elsewhere, and in some detail in the novel to which these pages are meant to serve as a preface, so that I need not here say more about it. As a rule, the same people came in every night, but now and then others came, perhaps only once, perhaps two or three times. We were apt to look upon them as interlopers, and I don't think we made them particularly welcome. It was thus that I first met Arnold Bennett and Clive Bell. One of these casual visitors was Aleister Crowley. He was spending the winter in Paris. I took an immediate14 dislike to him, but he interested and amused me. He was a great talker and he talked uncommonly15 well. In early youth, I was told, he was extremely handsome, but when I knew him he had put on weight, and his hair was thinning. He had fine eyes and a way, whether natural or acquired I do not know, of so focusing them that, when he looked at you, he seemed to look behind you. He was a fake, but not entirely16 a fake. At Cambridge he had won his chess blue and was esteemed17 the best whist player of his time. He was a liar18 and unbecomingly boastful, but the odd thing was that he had actually done some of the things he boasted of. As a mountaineer, he had made an ascent19 of K2 in the Hindu Kush, the second highest mountain in India, and he made it without the elaborate equipment, the cylinders20 of oxygen and so forth21, which render the endeavours of the mountaineers of the present day more likely to succeed. He did not reach the top, but got nearer to it than anyone had done before.

Crowley was a voluminous writer of verse, which he published sumptuously22 at his own expense. He had a gift for rhyming, and his verse is not entirely without merit. He had been greatly influenced by Swinburne and Robert Browning. He was grossly, but not unintelligently, imitative. As you flip23 through the pages you may well read a stanza24 which, if you came across it in a volume of Swinburne's, you would accept without question as the work of the master. '_It's rather hard, isn't it, Sir, to make sense of it?_' If you were shown this line and asked what poet had written it, I think you would be inclined to say, Robert Browning. You would be wrong. It was written by Aleister Crowley.

At the time I knew him he was dabbling25 in Satanism, magic and the occult. There was just then something of a vogue26 in Paris for that sort of thing, occasioned, I surmise27, by the interest that was still taken in a book of Huysmans's, _Là Bas_. Crowley told fantastic stories of his experiences, but it was hard to say whether he was telling the truth or merely pulling your leg. During that winter I saw him several times, but never after I left Paris to return to London. Once, long afterwards, I received a telegram from him which ran as follows: 'Please send twenty-five pounds at once. Mother of God and I starving. Aleister Crowley.' I did not do so, and he lived on for many disgraceful years.

I was glad to get back to London. My old friend had by then rooms in Pall28 Mall, and I was able to take a bedroom in the same building and use his sitting-room29 to work in. _The Magician_ was published in 1908, so I suppose it was written during the first six months of 1907. I do not remember how I came to think that Aleister Crowley might serve as the model for the character whom I called Oliver Haddo; nor, indeed, how I came to think of writing that particular novel at all. When, a little while ago, my publisher expressed a wish to reissue it, I felt that, before consenting to this, I really should read it again. Nearly fifty years had passed since I had done so, and I had completely forgotten it. Some authors enjoy reading their old works; some cannot bear to. Of these I am. When I have corrected the proofs of a book, I have finished with it for good and all. I am impatient when people insist on talking to me about it; I am glad if they like it, but do not much care if they don't. I am no more interested in it than in a worn-out suit of clothes that I have given away. It was thus with disinclination that I began to read _The Magician_. It held my interest, as two of my early novels, which for the same reason I have been obliged to read, did not. One, indeed, I simply could not get through. Another had to my mind some good dramatic scenes, but the humour filled me with mortification30, and I should have been ashamed to see it republished. As I read _The Magician_, I wondered how on earth I could have come by all the material concerning the black arts which I wrote of. I must have spent days and days reading in the library of the British Museum. The style is lush and turgid, not at all the sort of style I approve of now, but perhaps not unsuited to the subject; and there are a great many more adverbs and adjectives than I should use today. I fancy I must have been impressed by the _écriture artiste_ which the French writers of the time had not yet entirely abandoned, and unwisely sought to imitate them.

Though Aleister Crowley served, as I have said, as the model for Oliver Haddo, it is by no means a portrait of him. I made my character more striking in appearance, more sinister31 and more ruthless than Crowley ever was. I gave him magical powers that Crowley, though he claimed them, certainly never possessed32. Crowley, however, recognized himself in the creature of my invention, for such it was, and wrote a full-page review of the novel in _Vanity Fair_, which he signed 'Oliver Haddo'. I did not read it, and wish now that I had. I daresay it was a pretty piece of vituperation, but probably, like his poems, intolerably verbose33.

I do not remember what success, if any, my novel had when it was published, and I did not bother about it much, for by then a great change had come into my life. The manager of the Court Theatre, one Otho Stuart, had brought out a play which failed to please, and he could not immediately get the cast he wanted for the next play he had in mind to produce. He had read one of mine, and formed a very poor opinion of it; but he was in a quandary34, and it occurred to him that it might just serve to keep his theatre open for a few weeks, by the end of which the actors he wanted for the play he had been obliged to postpone35 would be at liberty. He put mine on. It was an immediate success. The result of this was that in a very little while other managers accepted the plays they had consistently refused, and I had four running in London at the same time. I, who for ten years had earned an average of one hundred pounds a year, found myself earning several hundred pounds a week. I made up my mind to abandon the writing of novels for the rest of my life. I did not know that this was something out of my control and that when the urge to write a novel seized me, I should be able to do nothing but submit. Five years later, the urge came and, refusing to write any more plays for the time, I started upon the longest of all my novels. I called it _Of Human Bondage_.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 decided lvqzZd     
adj.决定了的,坚决的;明显的,明确的
参考例句:
  • This gave them a decided advantage over their opponents.这使他们比对手具有明显的优势。
  • There is a decided difference between British and Chinese way of greeting.英国人和中国人打招呼的方式有很明显的区别。
2 qualified DCPyj     
adj.合格的,有资格的,胜任的,有限制的
参考例句:
  • He is qualified as a complete man of letters.他有资格当真正的文学家。
  • We must note that we still lack qualified specialists.我们必须看到我们还缺乏有资质的专家。
3 promising BkQzsk     
adj.有希望的,有前途的
参考例句:
  • The results of the experiments are very promising.实验的结果充满了希望。
  • We're trying to bring along one or two promising young swimmers.我们正设法培养出一两名有前途的年轻游泳选手。
4 honourable honourable     
adj.可敬的;荣誉的,光荣的
参考例句:
  • I don't think I am worthy of such an honourable title.这样的光荣称号,我可担当不起。
  • I hope to find an honourable way of settling difficulties.我希望设法找到一个体面的办法以摆脱困境。
5 regained 51ada49e953b830c8bd8fddd6bcd03aa     
复得( regain的过去式和过去分词 ); 赢回; 重回; 复至某地
参考例句:
  • The majority of the people in the world have regained their liberty. 世界上大多数人已重获自由。
  • She hesitated briefly but quickly regained her poise. 她犹豫片刻,但很快恢复了镇静。
6 unpacked 78a068b187a564f21b93e72acffcebc3     
v.从(包裹等)中取出(所装的东西),打开行李取出( unpack的过去式和过去分词 );拆包;解除…的负担;吐露(心事等)
参考例句:
  • I unpacked my bags as soon as I arrived. 我一到达就打开行李,整理衣物。
  • Our guide unpacked a picnic of ham sandwiches and offered us tea. 我们的导游打开装着火腿三明治的野餐盒,并给我们倒了些茶水。 来自辞典例句
7 pyjamas 5SSx4     
n.(宽大的)睡衣裤
参考例句:
  • This pyjamas has many repairs.这件睡衣有许多修补过的地方。
  • Martin was in his pyjamas.马丁穿着睡衣。
8 middle-aged UopzSS     
adj.中年的
参考例句:
  • I noticed two middle-aged passengers.我注意到两个中年乘客。
  • The new skin balm was welcome by middle-aged women.这种新护肤香膏受到了中年妇女的欢迎。
9 rue 8DGy6     
n.懊悔,芸香,后悔;v.后悔,悲伤,懊悔
参考例句:
  • You'll rue having failed in the examination.你会悔恨考试失败。
  • You're going to rue this the longest day that you live.你要终身悔恨不尽呢。
10 loquacious ewEyx     
adj.多嘴的,饶舌的
参考例句:
  • The normally loquacious Mr O'Reilly has said little.平常话多的奥赖利先生几乎没说什么。
  • Kennedy had become almost as loquacious as Joe.肯尼迪变得和乔一样唠叨了。
11 second-hand second-hand     
adj.用过的,旧的,二手的
参考例句:
  • I got this book by chance at a second-hand bookshop.我赶巧在一家旧书店里买到这本书。
  • They will put all these second-hand goods up for sale.他们将把这些旧货全部公开出售。
12 utensils 69f125dfb1fef9b418c96d1986e7b484     
器具,用具,器皿( utensil的名词复数 ); 器物
参考例句:
  • Formerly most of our household utensils were made of brass. 以前我们家庭用的器皿多数是用黄铜做的。
  • Some utensils were in a state of decay when they were unearthed. 有些器皿在出土时已经残破。
13 luncheon V8az4     
n.午宴,午餐,便宴
参考例句:
  • We have luncheon at twelve o'clock.我们十二点钟用午餐。
  • I have a luncheon engagement.我午饭有约。
14 immediate aapxh     
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的
参考例句:
  • His immediate neighbours felt it their duty to call.他的近邻认为他们有责任去拜访。
  • We declared ourselves for the immediate convocation of the meeting.我们主张立即召开这个会议。
15 uncommonly 9ca651a5ba9c3bff93403147b14d37e2     
adv. 稀罕(极,非常)
参考例句:
  • an uncommonly gifted child 一个天赋异禀的儿童
  • My little Mary was feeling uncommonly empty. 我肚子当时正饿得厉害。
16 entirely entirely     
ad.全部地,完整地;完全地,彻底地
参考例句:
  • The fire was entirely caused by their neglect of duty. 那场火灾完全是由于他们失职而引起的。
  • His life was entirely given up to the educational work. 他的一生统统献给了教育工作。
17 esteemed ftyzcF     
adj.受人尊敬的v.尊敬( esteem的过去式和过去分词 );敬重;认为;以为
参考例句:
  • The art of conversation is highly esteemed in France. 在法国十分尊重谈话技巧。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He esteemed that he understood what I had said. 他认为已经听懂我说的意思了。 来自《简明英汉词典》
18 liar V1ixD     
n.说谎的人
参考例句:
  • I know you for a thief and a liar!我算认识你了,一个又偷又骗的家伙!
  • She was wrongly labelled a liar.她被错误地扣上说谎者的帽子。
19 ascent TvFzD     
n.(声望或地位)提高;上升,升高;登高
参考例句:
  • His rapid ascent in the social scale was surprising.他的社会地位提高之迅速令人吃惊。
  • Burke pushed the button and the elevator began its slow ascent.伯克按动电钮,电梯开始缓慢上升。
20 cylinders fd0c4aab3548ce77958c1502f0bc9692     
n.圆筒( cylinder的名词复数 );圆柱;汽缸;(尤指用作容器的)圆筒状物
参考例句:
  • They are working on all cylinders to get the job finished. 他们正在竭尽全力争取把这工作干完。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • That jeep has four cylinders. 那辆吉普车有4个汽缸。 来自《简明英汉词典》
21 forth Hzdz2     
adv.向前;向外,往外
参考例句:
  • The wind moved the trees gently back and forth.风吹得树轻轻地来回摇晃。
  • He gave forth a series of works in rapid succession.他很快连续发表了一系列的作品。
22 sumptuously 5a9a881421f66e6399d9561fdfe9a227     
奢侈地,豪华地
参考例句:
  • The hall was sumptuously decorated. 大厅装饰得富丽堂皇。
  • This government building is sumptuously appointed. 这座政府办公大楼布置得极为豪华。
23 flip Vjwx6     
vt.快速翻动;轻抛;轻拍;n.轻抛;adj.轻浮的
参考例句:
  • I had a quick flip through the book and it looked very interesting.我很快翻阅了一下那本书,看来似乎很有趣。
  • Let's flip a coin to see who pays the bill.咱们来抛硬币决定谁付钱。
24 stanza RFoyc     
n.(诗)节,段
参考例句:
  • We omitted to sing the second stanza.我们漏唱了第二节。
  • One young reporter wrote a review with a stanza that contained some offensive content.一个年轻的记者就歌词中包含有攻击性内容的一节写了评论。
25 dabbling dfa8783c0be3c07392831d7e40cc10ee     
v.涉猎( dabble的现在分词 );涉足;浅尝;少量投资
参考例句:
  • She swims twice a week and has been dabbling in weight training. 她一周游两次泳,偶尔还练习一下举重。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The boy is dabbling his hand in the water. 这孩子正用手玩水。 来自辞典例句
26 Vogue 6hMwC     
n.时髦,时尚;adj.流行的
参考例句:
  • Flowery carpets became the vogue.花卉地毯变成了时髦货。
  • Short hair came back into vogue about ten years ago.大约十年前短发又开始流行起来了。
27 surmise jHiz8     
v./n.猜想,推测
参考例句:
  • It turned out that my surmise was correct.结果表明我的推测没有错。
  • I surmise that he will take the job.我推测他会接受这份工作。
28 pall hvwyP     
v.覆盖,使平淡无味;n.柩衣,棺罩;棺材;帷幕
参考例句:
  • Already the allure of meals in restaurants had begun to pall.饭店里的饭菜已经不像以前那样诱人。
  • I find his books begin to pall on me after a while.我发觉他的书读过一阵子就开始对我失去吸引力。
29 sitting-room sitting-room     
n.(BrE)客厅,起居室
参考例句:
  • The sitting-room is clean.起居室很清洁。
  • Each villa has a separate sitting-room.每栋别墅都有一间独立的起居室。
30 mortification mwIyN     
n.耻辱,屈辱
参考例句:
  • To my mortification, my manuscript was rejected. 使我感到失面子的是:我的稿件被退了回来。
  • The chairman tried to disguise his mortification. 主席试图掩饰自己的窘迫。
31 sinister 6ETz6     
adj.不吉利的,凶恶的,左边的
参考例句:
  • There is something sinister at the back of that series of crimes.在这一系列罪行背后有险恶的阴谋。
  • Their proposals are all worthless and designed out of sinister motives.他们的建议不仅一钱不值,而且包藏祸心。
32 possessed xuyyQ     
adj.疯狂的;拥有的,占有的
参考例句:
  • He flew out of the room like a man possessed.他像着了魔似地猛然冲出房门。
  • He behaved like someone possessed.他行为举止像是魔怔了。
33 verbose vi1wL     
adj.用字多的;冗长的;累赘的
参考例句:
  • His writing is difficult and often verbose.他的文章很晦涩,而且往往篇幅冗长。
  • Your report is too long and verbose.你的报告太长太罗嗦了。
34 quandary Rt1y2     
n.困惑,进迟两难之境
参考例句:
  • I was in a quandary about whether to go.我当时正犹豫到底去不去。
  • I was put in a great quandary.我陷于进退两难的窘境。
35 postpone rP0xq     
v.延期,推迟
参考例句:
  • I shall postpone making a decision till I learn full particulars.在未获悉详情之前我得从缓作出决定。
  • She decided to postpone the converastion for that evening.她决定当天晚上把谈话搁一搁。


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