Those were four miserable1 months, alternating between intense anxiety, despair, and indignation, pity for him and pity for myself. And yet, through all, I was not wholly comfortless: I had my darling, sinless, inoffensive little one to console me; but even this consolation2 was embittered3 by the constantly-recurring thought, 'How shall I teach him hereafter to respect his father, and yet to avoid his example?'
But I remembered that I had brought all these afflictions, in a manner wilfully4, upon myself; and I determined6 to bear them without a murmur7. At the same time I resolved not to give myself up to misery8 for the transgressions10 of another, and endeavoured to divert myself as much as I could; and besides the companionship of my child, and my dear, faithful Rachel, who evidently guessed my sorrows and felt for them, though she was too discreet11 to allude12 to them, I had my books and pencil, my domestic affairs, and the welfare and comfort of Arthur's poor tenants13 and labourers to attend to: and I sometimes sought and obtained amusement in the company of my young friend Esther Hargrave: occasionally I rode over to see her, and once or twice I had her to spend the day with me at the Manor14. Mrs. Hargrave did not visit London that season: having no daughter to marry, she thought it as well to stay at home and economise; and, for a wonder, Walter came down to join her in the beginning of June, and stayed till near the close of August.
The first time I saw him was on a sweet, warm evening, when I was sauntering in the park with little Arthur and Rachel, who is head- nurse and lady's-maid in one - for, with my secluded15 life and tolerably active habits, I require but little attendance, and as she had nursed me and coveted16 to nurse my child, and was moreover so very trustworthy, I preferred committing the important charge to her, with a young nursery-maid under her directions, to engaging any one else: besides, it saves money; and since I have made acquaintance with Arthur's affairs, I have learnt to regard that as no trifling18 recommendation; for, by my own desire, nearly the whole of the income of my fortune is devoted19, for years to come, to the paying off of his debts, and the money he contrives20 to squander21 away in London is incomprehensible. But to return to Mr. Hargrave. I was standing22 with Rachel beside the water, amusing the laughing baby in her arms with a twig23 of willow24 laden25 with golden catkins, when, greatly to my surprise, he entered the park, mounted on his costly26 black hunter, and crossed over the grass to meet me. He saluted27 me with a very fine compliment, delicately worded, and modestly delivered withal, which he had doubtless concocted28 as he rode along. He told me he had brought a message from his mother, who, as he was riding that way, had desired him to call at the Manor and beg the pleasure of my company to a friendly family dinner to-morrow.
'There is no one to meet but ourselves,' said he; 'but Esther is very anxious to see you; and my mother fears you will feel solitary29 in this great house so much alone, and wishes she could persuade you to give her the pleasure of your company more frequently, and make yourself at home in our more humble30 dwelling31, till Mr. Huntingdon's return shall render this a little more conducive32 to your comfort.'
'She is very kind,' I answered, 'but I am not alone, you see; - and those whose time is fully5 occupied seldom complain of solitude33.'
'Will you not come to-morrow, then? She will be sadly disappointed if you refuse.'
I did not relish35 being thus compassionated36 for my loneliness; but, however, I promised to come.
'What a sweet evening this is!' observed he, looking round upon the sunny park, with its imposing37 swell38 and slope, its placid39 water, and majestic40 clumps41 of trees. 'And what a paradise you live in!'
'It is a lovely evening,' answered I; and I sighed to think how little I had felt its loveliness, and how little of a paradise sweet Grassdale was to me - how still less to the voluntary exile from its scenes. Whether Mr. Hargrave divined my thoughts, I cannot tell, but, with a half-hesitating, sympathising seriousness of tone and manner, he asked if I had lately heard from Mr. Huntingdon.
'Not lately,' I replied.
'I thought not,' he muttered, as if to himself, looking thoughtfully on the ground.
'Are you not lately returned from London?' I asked.
'Only yesterday.'
'And did you see him there?'
'Yes - I saw him.'
'Was he well?'
'Yes - that is,' said he, with increasing hesitation42 and an appearance of suppressed indignation, 'he was as well as - as he deserved to be, but under circumstances I should have deemed incredible for a man so favoured as he is.' He here looked up and pointed34 the sentence with a serious bow to me. I suppose my face was crimson43.
'Pardon me, Mrs. Huntingdon,' he continued, 'but I cannot suppress my indignation when I behold44 such infatuated blindness and perversion45 of taste; - but, perhaps, you are not aware - ' He paused.
'I am aware of nothing, sir - except that he delays his coming longer than I expected; and if, at present, he prefers the society of his friends to that of his wife, and the dissipations of the town to the quiet of country life, I suppose I have those friends to thank for it. Their tastes and occupations are similar to his, and I don't see why his conduct should awaken46 either their indignation or surprise.'
'You wrong me cruelly,' answered he. 'I have shared but little of Mr. Huntingdon's society for the last few weeks; and as for his tastes and occupations, they are quite beyond me - lonely wanderer as I am. Where I have but sipped47 and tasted, he drains the cup to the dregs; and if ever for a moment I have sought to drown the voice of reflection in madness and folly48, or if I have wasted too much of my time and talents among reckless and dissipated companions, God knows I would gladly renounce49 them entirely50 and for ever, if I had but half the blessings51 that man so thanklessly casts behind his back - but half the inducements to virtue52 and domestic, orderly habits that he despises - but such a home, and such a partner to share it! It is infamous53!' he muttered, between his teeth. 'And don't think, Mrs. Huntingdon,' he added aloud, 'that I could be guilty of inciting54 him to persevere55 in his present pursuits: on the contrary, I have remonstrated56 with him again and again; I have frequently expressed my surprise at his conduct, and reminded him of his duties and his privileges - but to no purpose; he only - '
'Enough, Mr. Hargrave; you ought to be aware that whatever my husband's faults may be, it can only aggravate57 the evil for me to hear them from a stranger's lips.'
'Am I then a stranger?' said he in a sorrowful tone. 'I am your nearest neighbour, your son's godfather, and your husband's friend; may I not be yours also?'
'Intimate acquaintance must precede real friendship; I know but little of you, Mr. Hargrave, except from report.'
'Have you then forgotten the six or seven weeks I spent under your roof last autumn? I have not forgotten them. And I know enough of you, Mrs. Huntingdon, to think that your husband is the most enviable man in the world, and I should be the next if you would deem me worthy17 of your friendship.'
'If you knew more of me, you would not think it, or if you did you would not say it, and expect me to be flattered by the compliment.'
I stepped backward as I spoke58. He saw that I wished the conversation to end; and immediately taking the hint, he gravely bowed, wished me good-evening, and turned his horse towards the road. He appeared grieved and hurt at my unkind reception of his sympathising overtures59. I was not sure that I had done right in speaking so harshly to him; but, at the time, I had felt irritated - almost insulted by his conduct; it seemed as if he was presuming upon the absence and neglect of my husband, and insinuating60 even more than the truth against him.
Rachel had moved on, during our conversation, to some yards' distance. He rode up to her, and asked to see the child. He took it carefully into his arms, looked upon it with an almost paternal61 smile, and I heard him say, as I approached, -
'And this, too, he has forsaken62!'
He then tenderly kissed it, and restored it to the gratified nurse.
'Are you fond of children, Mr. Hargrave?' said I, a little softened63 towards him.
'Not in general,' he replied, 'but that is such a sweet child, and so like its mother,' he added in a lower tone.
'You are mistaken there; it is its father it resembles.'
'Am I not right, nurse?' said he, appealing to Rachel.
'I think, sir, there's a bit of both,' she replied.
He departed; and Rachel pronounced him a very nice gentleman. I had still my doubts on the subject.
In the course of the following six weeks I met him several times, but always, save once, in company with his mother, or his sister, or both. When I called on them, he always happened to be at home, and, when they called on me, it was always he that drove them over in the phaeton. His mother, evidently, was quite delighted with his dutiful attentions and newly-acquired domestic habits.
The time that I met him alone was on a bright, but not oppressively hot day, in the beginning of July: I had taken little Arthur into the wood that skirts the park, and there seated him on the moss- cushioned roots of an old oak; and, having gathered a handful of bluebells64 and wild-roses, I was kneeling before him, and presenting them, one by one, to the grasp of his tiny fingers; enjoying the heavenly beauty of the flowers, through the medium of his smiling eyes: forgetting, for the moment, all my cares, laughing at his gleeful laughter, and delighting myself with his delight, - when a shadow suddenly eclipsed the little space of sunshine on the grass before us; and looking up, I beheld65 Walter Hargrave standing and gazing upon us.
'Excuse me, Mrs. Huntingdon,' said he, 'but I was spell-bound; I had neither the power to come forward and interrupt you, nor to withdraw from the contemplation of such a scene. How vigorous my little godson grows! and how merry he is this morning!' He approached the child, and stooped to take his hand; but, on seeing that his caresses66 were likely to produce tears and lamentations, instead of a reciprocation67 of friendly demonstrations68, he prudently69 drew back.
'What a pleasure and comfort that little creature must be to you, Mrs. Huntingdon!' he observed, with a touch of sadness in his intonation70, as he admiringly contemplated71 the infant.
'It is,' replied I; and then I asked after his mother and sister.
He politely answered my inquiries72, and then returned again to the subject I wished to avoid; though with a degree of timidity that witnessed his fear to offend.
'You have not heard from Huntingdon lately?' he said.
'Not this week,' I replied. Not these three weeks, I might have said.
'I had a letter from him this morning. I wish it were such a one as I could show to his lady.' He half drew from his waistcoat- pocket a letter with Arthur's still beloved hand on the address, scowled73 at it, and put it back again, adding - 'But he tells me he is about to return next week.'
'He tells me so every time he writes.'
'Indeed! well, it is like him. But to me he always avowed74 it his intention to stay till the present month.'
It struck me like a blow, this proof of premeditated transgression9 and systematic75 disregard of truth.
'It is only of a piece with the rest of his conduct,' observed Mr. Hargrave, thoughtfully regarding me, and reading, I suppose, my feelings in my face.
'Then he is really coming next week?' said I, after a pause.
'You may rely upon it, if the assurance can give you any pleasure. And is it possible, Mrs. Huntingdon, that you can rejoice at his return?' he exclaimed, attentively76 perusing77 my features again.
'Of course, Mr. Hargrave; is he not my husband?'
'Oh, Huntingdon; you know not what you slight!' he passionately78 murmured.
I took up my baby, and, wishing him good-morning, departed, to indulge my thoughts unscrutinized, within the sanctum of my home.
And was I glad? Yes, delighted; though I was angered by Arthur's conduct, and though I felt that he had wronged me, and was determined he should feel it too.
收听单词发音 |
1
miserable
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| adj.悲惨的，痛苦的；可怜的，糟糕的 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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embittered
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| v.使怨恨，激怒( embitter的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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wilfully
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| adv.任性固执地；蓄意地 | |
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fully
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| adv.完全地，全部地，彻底地；充分地 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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murmur
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| n.低语，低声的怨言；v.低语，低声而言 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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transgression
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| n.违背；犯规；罪过 | |
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transgressions
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| n.违反，违法，罪过( transgression的名词复数 ) | |
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discreet
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| adj.(言行)谨慎的；慎重的；有判断力的 | |
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allude
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| v.提及，暗指 | |
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tenants
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| n.房客( tenant的名词复数 )；佃户；占用者；占有者 | |
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manor
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| n.庄园，领地 | |
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secluded
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| adj.与世隔绝的；隐退的；偏僻的v.使隔开，使隐退( seclude的过去式和过去分词) | |
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coveted
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| adj.令人垂涎的；垂涎的，梦寐以求的v.贪求，觊觎(covet的过去分词)；垂涎；贪图 | |
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worthy
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| adj.(of)值得的，配得上的；有价值的 | |
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trifling
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| adj.微不足道的；没什么价值的 | |
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devoted
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| adj.忠诚的，忠实的，热心的，献身于...的 | |
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contrives
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| （不顾困难地）促成某事( contrive的第三人称单数 )； 巧妙地策划，精巧地制造（如机器）； 设法做到 | |
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squander
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| v.浪费，挥霍 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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twig
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| n.小树枝，嫩枝；v.理解 | |
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willow
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| n.柳树 | |
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laden
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| adj.装满了的；充满了的；负了重担的；苦恼的 | |
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costly
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| adj.昂贵的，价值高的，豪华的 | |
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saluted
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| v.欢迎，致敬( salute的过去式和过去分词 )；赞扬，赞颂 | |
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concocted
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| v.将（尤指通常不相配合的）成分混合成某物( concoct的过去式和过去分词 )；调制；编造；捏造 | |
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solitary
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| adj.孤独的，独立的，荒凉的；n.隐士 | |
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humble
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| adj.谦卑的，恭顺的；地位低下的；v.降低，贬低 | |
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dwelling
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| n.住宅，住所，寓所 | |
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conducive
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| adj.有益的，有助的 | |
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solitude
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| n. 孤独; 独居,荒僻之地,幽静的地方 | |
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pointed
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| adj.尖的，直截了当的 | |
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relish
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| n.滋味，享受，爱好，调味品；vt.加调味料，享受，品味；vi.有滋味 | |
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compassionated
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| v.同情（compassionate的过去式与过去分词形式） | |
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imposing
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| adj.使人难忘的，壮丽的，堂皇的，雄伟的 | |
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swell
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| vi.膨胀，肿胀；增长，增强 | |
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placid
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| adj.安静的，平和的 | |
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majestic
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| adj.雄伟的，壮丽的，庄严的，威严的，崇高的 | |
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clumps
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| n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声 | |
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hesitation
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| n.犹豫，踌躇 | |
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crimson
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| n./adj.深(绯)红色(的)；vi.脸变绯红色 | |
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behold
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| v.看，注视，看到 | |
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perversion
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| n.曲解；堕落；反常 | |
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awaken
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| vi.醒，觉醒；vt.唤醒，使觉醒，唤起，激起 | |
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sipped
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| v.小口喝，呷，抿( sip的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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49
renounce
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| v.放弃；拒绝承认，宣布与…断绝关系 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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blessings
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| n.（上帝的）祝福( blessing的名词复数 )；好事；福分；因祸得福 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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infamous
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| adj.声名狼藉的，臭名昭著的，邪恶的 | |
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inciting
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| 刺激的，煽动的 | |
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persevere
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| v.坚持，坚忍，不屈不挠 | |
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remonstrated
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| v.抗议( remonstrate的过去式和过去分词 )；告诫 | |
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aggravate
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| vt.加重(剧)，使恶化；激怒，使恼火 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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overtures
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| n.主动的表示，提议；（向某人做出的）友好表示、姿态或提议( overture的名词复数 )；（歌剧、芭蕾舞、音乐剧等的）序曲，前奏曲 | |
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insinuating
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| adj.曲意巴结的，暗示的v.暗示( insinuate的现在分词 )；巧妙或迂回地潜入；（使）缓慢进入；慢慢伸入 | |
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paternal
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| adj.父亲的，像父亲的，父系的，父方的 | |
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Forsaken
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| adj. 被遗忘的, 被抛弃的 动词forsake的过去分词 | |
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softened
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| （使）变软( soften的过去式和过去分词 )； 缓解打击； 缓和； 安慰 | |
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bluebells
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| n.圆叶风铃草( bluebell的名词复数 ) | |
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beheld
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| v.看，注视( behold的过去式和过去分词 )；瞧；看呀；（叙述中用于引出某人意外的出现）哎哟 | |
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caresses
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| 爱抚，抚摸( caress的名词复数 ) | |
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reciprocation
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| n.互换 | |
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demonstrations
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| 证明( demonstration的名词复数 )； 表明； 表达； 游行示威 | |
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prudently
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| adv. 谨慎地，慎重地 | |
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intonation
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| n.语调，声调；发声 | |
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contemplated
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| adj. 预期的 动词contemplate的过去分词形式 | |
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inquiries
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| n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 )；疑问；探究；打听 | |
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scowled
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| 怒视，生气地皱眉( scowl的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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74
avowed
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| adj.公开声明的，承认的v.公开声明，承认( avow的过去式和过去分词) | |
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systematic
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| adj.有系统的，有计划的，有方法的 | |
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76
attentively
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| adv.聚精会神地；周到地；谛；凝神 | |
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77
perusing
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| v.读（某篇文字）( peruse的现在分词 )；（尤指）细阅；审阅；匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览（某篇文字） | |
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78
passionately
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| ad.热烈地，激烈地 | |
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