January 10th, 1827. - While writing the above, yesterday evening, I sat in the drawing-room. Mr. Huntingdon was present, but, as I thought, asleep on the sofa behind me. He had risen, however, unknown to me, and, actuated by some base spirit of curiosity, been looking over my shoulder for I know not how long; for when I had laid aside my pen, and was about to close the book, he suddenly placed his hand upon it, and saying, - 'With your leave, my dear, I'll have a look at this,' forcibly wrested1 it from me, and, drawing a chair to the table, composedly sat down to examine it: turning back leaf after leaf to find an explanation of what he had read. Unluckily for me, he was more sober that night than he usually is at such an hour.
Of course I did not leave him to pursue this occupation in quiet: I made several attempts to snatch the book from his hands, but he held it too firmly for that; I upbraided2 him in bitterness and scorn for his mean and dishonourable conduct, but that had no effect upon him; and, finally, I extinguished both the candles, but he only wheeled round to the fire, and raising a blaze sufficient for his purposes, calmly continued the investigation3. I had serious thoughts of getting a pitcher4 of water and extinguishing that light too; but it was evident his curiosity was too keenly excited to be quenched5 by that, and the more I manifested my anxiety to baffle his scrutiny6, the greater would be his determination to persist in it besides it was too late.
'It seems very interesting, love,' said he, lifting his head and turning to where I stood, wringing7 my hands in silent rage and anguish8; 'but it's rather long; I'll look at it some other time; and meanwhile I'll trouble you for your keys, my dear.'
'What keys?'
'The keys of your cabinet, desk, drawers, and whatever else you possess,' said he, rising and holding out his hand.
'I've not got them,' I replied. The key of my desk, in fact, was at that moment in the lock, and the others were attached to it.
'Then you must send for them,' said he; 'and if that old devil, Rachel, doesn't immediately deliver them up, she tramps bag and baggage tomorrow.'
'She doesn't know where they are,' I answered, quietly placing my hand upon them, and taking them from the desk, as I thought, unobserved. 'I know, but I shall not give them up without a reason.'
'And I know, too,' said he, suddenly seizing my closed hand and rudely abstracting them from it. He then took up one of the candles and relighted it by thrusting it into the fire.
'Now, then,' sneered9 he, 'we must have a confiscation10 of property. But, first, let us take a peep into the studio.'
And putting the keys into his pocket, he walked into the library. I followed, whether with the dim idea of preventing mischief11, or only to know the worst, I can hardly tell. My painting materials were laid together on the corner table, ready for to-morrow's use, and only covered with a cloth. He soon spied them out, and putting down the candle, deliberately12 proceeded to cast them into the fire: palette, paints, bladders, pencils, brushes, varnish13: I saw them all consumed: the palette-knives snapped in two, the oil and turpentine sent hissing14 and roaring up the chimney. He then rang the bell.
'Benson, take those things away,' said he, pointing to the easel, canvas, and stretcher; 'and tell the housemaid she may kindle15 the fire with them: your mistress won't want them any more.'
Benson paused aghast and looked at me.
'Take them away, Benson,' said I; and his master muttered an oath.
'And this and all, sir?' said the astonished servant, referring to the half-finished picture.
'That and all,' replied the master; and the things were cleared away.
Mr. Huntingdon then went up-stairs. I did not attempt to follow him, but remained seated in the arm-chair, speechless, tearless, and almost motionless, till he returned about half-an-hour after, and walking up to me, held the candle in my face and peered into my eyes with looks and laughter too insulting to be borne. With a sudden stroke of my hand I dashed the candle to the floor.
'Hal-lo!' muttered he, starting back; 'she's the very devil for spite. Did ever any mortal see such eyes? - they shine in the dark like a cat's. Oh, you're a sweet one!' So saying, he gathered up the candle and the candlestick. The former being broken as well as extinguished, he rang for another.
'Benson, your mistress has broken the candle; bring another.'
'You expose yourself finely,' observed I, as the man departed.
'I didn't say I'd broken it, did I?' returned he. He then threw my keys into my lap, saying, - 'There! you'll find nothing gone but your money, and the jewels, and a few little trifles I thought it advisable to take into my own possession, lest your mercantile spirit should be tempted16 to turn them into gold. I've left you a few sovereigns in your purse, which I expect to last you through the month; at all events, when you want more you will be so good as to give me an account of how that's spent. I shall put you upon a small monthly allowance, in future, for your own private expenses; and you needn't trouble yourself any more about my concerns; I shall look out for a steward17, my dear - I won't expose you to the temptation. And as for the household matters, Mrs. Greaves must be very particular in keeping her accounts; we must go upon an entirely18 new plan - '
'What great discovery have you made now, Mr. Huntingdon? Have I attempted to defraud19 you?'
'Not in money matters, exactly, it seems; but it's best to keep out of the way of temptation.'
Here Benson entered with the candles, and there followed a brief interval20 of silence; I sitting still in my chair, and he standing21 with his back to the fire, silently triumphing in my despair.
'And so,' said he at length, 'you thought to disgrace me, did you, by running away and turning artist, and supporting yourself by the labour of your hands, forsooth? And you thought to rob me of my son, too, and bring him up to be a dirty Yankee tradesman, or a low, beggarly painter?'
'Yes, to obviate22 his becoming such a gentleman as his father.'
'It's well you couldn't keep your own secret - ha, ha! It's well these women must be blabbing. If they haven't a friend to talk to, they must whisper their secrets to the fishes, or write them on the sand, or something; and it's well, too, I wasn't over full to- night, now I think of it, or I might have snoozed away and never dreamt of looking what my sweet lady was about; or I might have lacked the sense or the power to carry my point like a man, as I have done.'
Leaving him to his self-congratulations, I rose to secure my manuscript, for I now remembered it had been left upon the drawing- room table, and I determined23, if possible, to save myself the humiliation24 of seeing it in his hands again. I could not bear the idea of his amusing himself over my secret thoughts and recollections; though, to be sure, he would find little good of himself therein indited25, except in the former part; and oh, I would sooner burn it all than he should read what I had written when I was such a fool as to love him!
'And by-the-by,' cried he, as I was leaving the room, 'you'd better tell that d-d old sneak26 of a nurse to keep out of my way for a day or two; I'd pay her her wages and send her packing to-morrow, but I know she'd do more mischief out of the house than in it.'
And as I departed, he went on cursing and abusing my faithful friend and servant with epithets27 I will not defile28 this paper with repeating. I went to her as soon as I had put away my book, and told her how our project was defeated. She was as much distressed29 and horrified30 as I was - and more so than I was that night, for I was partly stunned31 by the blow, and partly excited and supported against it by the bitterness of my wrath32. But in the morning, when I woke without that cheering hope that had been my secret comfort and support so long, and all this day, when I have wandered about restless and objectless, shunning33 my husband, shrinking even from my child, knowing that I am unfit to be his teacher or companion, hoping nothing for his future life, and fervently34 wishing he had never been born, - I felt the full extent of my calamity35, and I feel it now. I know that day after day such feelings will return upon me. I am a slave - a prisoner - but that is nothing; if it were myself alone I would not complain, but I am forbidden to rescue my son from ruin, and what was once my only consolation36 is become the crowning source of my despair.
Have I no faith in God? I try to look to Him and raise my heart to heaven, but it will cleave37 to the dust. I can only say, 'He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: He hath made my chain heavy. He hath filled me with bitterness - He hath made me drunken with wormwood.' I forget to add, 'But though He cause grief, yet will He have compassion38 according to the multitude of His mercies. For He doth not afflict39 willingly nor grieve the children of men.' I ought to think of this; and if there be nothing but sorrow for me in this world, what is the longest life of misery40 to a whole eternity41 of peace? And for my little Arthur - has he no friend but me? Who was it said, 'It is not the will of your Father which is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish?'
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wrested
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| （用力）拧( wrest的过去式和过去分词 )； 费力取得； （从…）攫取； （ 从… ） 强行取去… | |
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upbraided
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| v.责备，申斥，谴责( upbraid的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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investigation
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| n.调查，调查研究 | |
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pitcher
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| n.(有嘴和柄的)大水罐；(棒球)投手 | |
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quenched
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| 解（渴）( quench的过去式和过去分词 )； 终止（某事物）； （用水）扑灭（火焰等）； 将（热物体）放入水中急速冷却 | |
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scrutiny
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| n.详细检查，仔细观察 | |
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wringing
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| 淋湿的，湿透的 | |
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anguish
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| n.(尤指心灵上的)极度痛苦，烦恼 | |
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sneered
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| 讥笑，冷笑( sneer的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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confiscation
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| n. 没收, 充公, 征收 | |
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mischief
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| n.损害，伤害，危害；恶作剧，捣蛋，胡闹 | |
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deliberately
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| adv.审慎地；蓄意地；故意地 | |
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varnish
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| n.清漆；v.上清漆；粉饰 | |
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hissing
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| n. 发嘶嘶声, 蔑视 动词hiss的现在分词形式 | |
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kindle
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| v.点燃，着火 | |
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tempted
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| v.怂恿（某人）干不正当的事；冒…的险（tempt的过去分词） | |
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steward
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| n.乘务员，服务员；看管人；膳食管理员 | |
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entirely
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| ad.全部地，完整地；完全地，彻底地 | |
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defraud
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| vt.欺骗，欺诈 | |
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interval
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| n.间隔，间距；幕间休息，中场休息 | |
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standing
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| n.持续，地位；adj.永久的，不动的，直立的，不流动的 | |
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obviate
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| v.除去，排除，避免，预防 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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humiliation
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| n.羞辱 | |
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indited
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| v.写（文章，信等）创作，赋诗，创作( indite的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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sneak
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| vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝)；偷偷摸摸做；n.潜行；adj.暗中进行 | |
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epithets
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| n.（表示性质、特征等的）词语( epithet的名词复数 ) | |
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defile
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| v.弄污，弄脏；n.(山间)小道 | |
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distressed
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| 痛苦的 | |
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horrified
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| a.(表现出)恐惧的 | |
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stunned
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| adj. 震惊的，惊讶的 动词stun的过去式和过去分词 | |
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wrath
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| n.愤怒，愤慨，暴怒 | |
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shunning
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| v.避开，回避，避免( shun的现在分词 ) | |
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fervently
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| adv.热烈地，热情地，强烈地 | |
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calamity
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| n.灾害，祸患，不幸事件 | |
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consolation
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| n.安慰，慰问 | |
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37
cleave
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| v．(clave；cleaved)粘着，粘住；坚持；依恋 | |
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compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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afflict
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| vt.使身体或精神受痛苦，折磨 | |
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misery
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| n.痛苦，苦恼，苦难；悲惨的境遇，贫苦 | |
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eternity
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| n.不朽，来世；永恒，无穷 | |
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