"And thus thy fall hath left a kind of blot1, To mark the full-fraught man and best indued With some suspicion." --Henry V.
The next day Lydgate had to go to Brassing, and told Rosamond that he should be away until the evening. Of late she had never gone beyond her own house and garden, except to church, and once to see her papa, to whom she said, "If Tertius goes away, you will help us to move, will you not, papa? I suppose we shall have very little money. I am sure I hope some one will help us." And Mr. Vincy had said, "Yes, child, I don't mind a hundred or two. I can see the end of that." With these exceptions she had sat at home in languid melancholy2 and suspense3, fixing her mind on Will Ladislaw's coming as the one point of hope and interest, and associating this with some new urgency on Lydgate to make immediate4 arrangements for leaving Middlemarch and going to London, till she felt assured that the coming would be a potent5 cause of the going, without at all seeing how. This way of establishing sequences is too common to be fairly regarded as a peculiar6 folly7 in Rosamond. And it is precisely8 this sort of sequence which causes the greatest shock when it is sundered9: for to see how an effect may be produced is often to see possible missings and checks; but to see nothing except the desirable cause, and close upon it the desirable effect, rids us of doubt and makes our minds strongly intuitive. That was the process going on in poor Rosamond, while she arranged all objects around her with the same nicety as ever, only with more slowness-- or sat down to the piano, meaning to play, and then desisting, yet lingering on the music stool with her white fingers suspended on the wooden front, and looking before her in dreamy ennui10. Her melancholy had become so marked that Lydgate felt a strange timidity before it, as a perpetual silent reproach, and the strong man, mastered by his keen sensibilities towards this fair fragile creature whose life he seemed somehow to have bruised11, shrank from her look, and sometimes started at her approach, fear of her and fear for her rushing in only the more forcibly after it had been momentarily expelled by exasperation12.
But this morning Rosamond descended13 from her room upstairs-- where she sometimes sat the whole day when Lydgate was out-- equipped for a walk in the town. She had a letter to post--a letter addressed to Mr. Ladislaw and written with charming discretion14, but intended to hasten his arrival by a hint of trouble. The servant-maid, their sole house-servant now, noticed her coming down-stairs in her walking dress, and thought "there never did anybody look so pretty in a bonnet15 poor thing."
Meanwhile Dorothea's mind was filled with her project of going to Rosamond, and with the many thoughts, both of the past and the probable future, which gathered round the idea of that visit. Until yesterday when Lydgate had opened to her a glimpse of some trouble in his married life, the image of Mrs. Lydgate had always been associated for her with that of Will Ladislaw. Even in her most uneasy moments--even when she had been agitated16 by Mrs. Cadwallader's painfully graphic17 report of gossip-- her effort, nay18, her strongest impulsive19 prompting, had been towards the vindication20 of Will from any sullying surmises21; and when, in her meeting with him afterwards, she had at first interpreted his words as a probable allusion22 to a feeling towards Mrs. Lydgate which he was determined23 to cut himself off from indulging, she had had a quick, sad, excusing vision of the charm there might be in his constant opportunities of companionship with that fair creature, who most likely shared his other tastes as she evidently did his delight in music. But there had followed his parting words-- the few passionate24 words in which he had implied that she herself was the object of whom his love held him in dread25, that it was his love for her only which he was resolved not to declare but to carry away into banishment26. From the time of that parting, Dorothea, believing in Will's love for her, believing with a proud delight in his delicate sense of honor and his determination that no one should impeach27 him justly, felt her heart quite at rest as to the regard he might have for Mrs. Lydgate. She was sure that the regard was blameless.
There are natures in which, if they love us, we are conscious of having a sort of baptism and consecration28: they bind29 us over to rectitude and purity by their pure belief about us; and our sins become that worst kind of sacrilege which tears down the invisible altar of trust. "If you are not good, none is good"-- those little words may give a terrific meaning to responsibility, may hold a vitriolic30 intensity31 for remorse32.
Dorothea's nature was of that kind: her own passionate faults lay along the easily counted open channels of her ardent33 character; and while she was full of pity for the visible mistakes of others, she had not yet any material within her experience for subtle constructions and suspicions of hidden wrong. But that simplicity34 of hers, holding up an ideal for others in her believing conception of them, was one of the great powers of her womanhood. And it had from the first acted strongly on Will Ladislaw. He felt, when he parted from her, that the brief words by which he had tried to convey to her his feeling about herself and the division which her fortune made between them, would only profit by their brevity when Dorothea had to interpret them: he felt that in her mind he had found his highest estimate.
And he was right there. In the months since their parting Dorothea had felt a delicious though sad repose35 in their relation to each other, as one which was inwardly whole and without blemish36. She had an active force of antagonism37 within her, when the antagonism turned on the defence either of plans or persons that she believed in; and the wrongs which she felt that Will had received from her husband, and the external conditions which to others were grounds for slighting him, only gave the more tenacity38 to her affection and admiring judgment39. And now with the disclosures about Bulstrode had come another fact affecting Will's social position, which roused afresh Dorothea's inward resistance to what was said about him in that part of her world which lay within park palings.
"Young Ladislaw the grandson of a thieving Jew pawnbroker40" was a phrase which had entered emphatically into the dialogues about the Bulstrode business, at Lowick, Tipton, and Freshitt, and was a worse kind of placard on poor Will's back than the "Italian with white mice." Upright Sir James Chettam was convinced that his own satisfaction was righteous when he thought with some complacency that here was an added league to that mountainous distance between Ladislaw and Dorothea, which enabled him to dismiss any anxiety in that direction as too absurd. And perhaps there had been some pleasure in pointing Mr. Brooke's attention to this ugly bit of Ladislaw's genealogy41, as a fresh candle for him to see his own folly by. Dorothea had observed the animus42 with which Will's part in the painful story had been recalled more than once; but she had uttered no word, being checked now, as she had not been formerly43 in speaking of Will, by the consciousness of a deeper relation between them which must always remain in consecrated44 secrecy45. But her silence shrouded46 her resistant47 emotion into a more thorough glow; and this misfortune in Will's lot which, it seemed, others were wishing to fling at his back as an opprobrium48, only gave something more of enthusiasm to her clinging thought.
She entertained no visions of their ever coming into nearer union, and yet she had taken no posture49 of renunciation. She had accepted her whole relation to Will very simply as part of her marriage sorrows, and would have thought it very sinful in her to keep up an inward wail50 because she was not completely happy, being rather disposed to dwell on the superfluities of her lot. She could bear that the chief pleasures of her tenderness should lie in memory, and the idea of marriage came to her solely51 as a repulsive52 proposition from some suitor of whom she at present knew nothing, but whose merits, as seen by her friends, would be a source of torment53 to her:-- "somebody who will manage your property for you, my dear," was Mr. Brooke's attractive suggestion of suitable characteristics. "I should like to manage it myself, if I knew what to do with it," said Dorothea. No--she adhered to her declaration that she would never be married again, and in the long valley of her life which looked so flat and empty of waymarks, guidance would come as she walked along the road, and saw her fellow-passengers by the way.
This habitual54 state of feeling about Will Ladislaw had been strong. in all her waking hours since she had proposed to pay a visit to Mrs. Lydgate, making a sort of background against which she saw Rosamond's figure presented to her without hindrances55 to her interest and compassion56. There was evidently some mental separation, some barrier to complete confidence which had arisen between this wife and the husband who had yet made her happiness a law to him. That was a trouble which no third person must directly touch. But Dorothea thought with deep pity of the loneliness which must have come upon Rosamond from the suspicions cast on her husband; and there would surely be help in the manifestation57 of respect for Lydgate and sympathy with her.
"I shall talk to her about her husband," thought Dorothea, as she was being driven towards the town. The clear spring morning, the scent58 of the moist earth, the fresh leaves just showing their creased-up wealth of greenery from out their half-opened sheaths, seemed part of the cheerfulness she was feeling from a long conversation with Mr. Farebrother, who had joyfully59 accepted the justifying60 explanation of Lydgate's conduct. "I shall take Mrs. Lydgate good news, and perhaps she will like to talk to me and make a friend of me."
Dorothea had another errand in Lowick Gate: it was about a new fine-toned bell for the school-house, and as she had to get out of her carriage very near to Lydgate's, she walked thither61 across the street, having told the coachman to wait for some packages. The street door was open, and the servant was taking the opportunity of looking out at the carriage which was pausing within sight when it became apparent to her that the lady who "belonged to it" was coming towards her.
"Is Mrs. Lydgate at home?" said Dorothea.
"I'm not sure, my lady; I'll see, if you'll please to walk in," said Martha, a little confused on the score of her kitchen apron62, but collected enough to be sure that "mum" was not the right title for this queenly young widow with a carriage and pair. "Will you please to walk in, and I'll go and see."
"Say that I am Mrs. Casaubon," said Dorothea, as Martha moved forward intending to show her into the drawing-room and then to go up-stairs to see if Rosamond had returned from her walk.
They crossed the broader part of the entrance-hall, and turned up the passage which led to the garden. The drawing-room door was unlatched, and Martha, pushing it without looking into the room, waited for Mrs. Casaubon to enter and then turned away, the door having swung open and swung back again without noise.
Dorothea had less of outward vision than usual this morning, being filled with images of things as they had been and were going to be. She found herself on the other side of the door without seeing anything remarkable63, but immediately she heard a voice speaking in low tones which startled her as with a sense of dreaming in daylight, and advancing unconsciously a step or two beyond the projecting slab64 of a bookcase, she saw, in the terrible illumination of a certainty which filled up all outlines, something which made her pause, motionless, without self-possession enough to speak.
Seated with his back towards her on a sofa which stood against the wall on a line with the door by which she had entered, she saw Will Ladislaw: close by him and turned towards him with a flushed tearfulness which gave a new brilliancy to her face sat Rosamond, her bonnet hanging back, while Will leaning towards her clasped both her upraised hands in his and spoke65 with low-toned fervor66.
Rosamond in her agitated absorption had not noticed the silently advancing figure; but when Dorothea, after the first immeasurable instant of this vision, moved confusedly backward and found herself impeded67 by some piece of furniture, Rosamond was suddenly aware of her presence, and with a spasmodic movement snatched away her hands and rose, looking at Dorothea who was necessarily arrested. Will Ladislaw, starting up, looked round also, and meeting Dorothea's eyes with a new lightning in them, seemed changing to marble: But she immediately turned them away from him to Rosamond and said in a firm voice--
"Excuse me, Mrs. Lydgate, the servant did not know that you were here. I called to deliver an important letter for Mr. Lydgate, which I wished to put into your own hands."
She laid down the letter on the small table which had checked her retreat, and then including Rosamond and Will in one distant glance and bow, she went quickly out of the room, meeting in the passage the surprised Martha, who said she was sorry the mistress was not at home, and then showed the strange lady out with an inward reflection that grand people were probably more impatient than others.
Dorothea walked across the street with her most elastic68 step and was quickly in her carriage again.
"Drive on to Freshitt Hall," she said to the coachman, and any one looking at her might have thought that though she was paler than usual she was never animated69 by a more self-possessed energy. And that was really her experience. It was as if she had drunk a great draught70 of scorn that stimulated71 her beyond the susceptibility to other feelings. She had seen something so far below her belief, that her emotions rushed back from it and made an excited throng72 without an object. She needed something active to turn her excitement out upon. She felt power to walk and work for a day, without meat or drink. And she would carry out the purpose with which she had started in the morning, of going to Freshitt and Tipton to tell Sir James and her uncle all that she wished them to know about Lydgate, whose married loneliness under his trial now presented itself to her with new significance, and made her more ardent in readiness to be his champion. She had never felt anything like this triumphant73 power of indignation in the struggle of her married life, in which there had always been a quickly subduing74 pang75; and she took it as a sign of new strength.
"Dodo, how very bright your eyes are!" said Celia, when Sir James was gone out of the room. "And you don't see anything you look at, Arthur or anything. You are going to do something uncomfortable, I know. Is it all about Mr. Lydgate, or has something else happened?" Celia had been used to watch her sister with expectation.
"Yes, dear, a great many things have happened," said Dodo, in her full tones.
"I wonder what," said Celia, folding her arms cozily and leaning forward upon them.
"Oh, all the troubles of all people on the face of the earth," said Dorothea, lifting her arms to the back of her head.
"Dear me, Dodo, are you going to have a scheme for them?" said Celia, a little uneasy at this Hamlet-like raving76.
But Sir James came in again, ready to accompany Dorothea to the Grange, and she finished her expedition well, not swerving77 in her resolution until she descended at her own door.
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blot
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| vt.弄脏（用吸墨纸）吸干；n.污点，污渍 | |
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melancholy
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| n.忧郁，愁思；adj.令人感伤（沮丧）的，忧郁的 | |
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suspense
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| n.（对可能发生的事）紧张感，担心，挂虑 | |
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immediate
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| adj.立即的；直接的，最接近的；紧靠的 | |
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potent
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| adj.强有力的，有权势的；有效力的 | |
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peculiar
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| adj.古怪的，异常的；特殊的，特有的 | |
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folly
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| n.愚笨，愚蠢，蠢事，蠢行，傻话 | |
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precisely
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| adv.恰好，正好，精确地，细致地 | |
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sundered
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| v.隔开，分开( sunder的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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ennui
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| n.怠倦，无聊 | |
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bruised
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| [医]青肿的，瘀紫的 | |
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exasperation
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| n.愤慨 | |
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descended
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| a.为...后裔的，出身于...的 | |
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discretion
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| n.谨慎；随意处理 | |
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bonnet
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| n.无边女帽；童帽 | |
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agitated
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| adj.被鼓动的，不安的 | |
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graphic
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| adj.生动的，形象的，绘画的，文字的，图表的 | |
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nay
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| adv.不；n.反对票，投反对票者 | |
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impulsive
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| adj.冲动的，刺激的；有推动力的 | |
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vindication
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| n.洗冤，证实 | |
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surmises
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| v.臆测，推断( surmise的第三人称单数 )；揣测；猜想 | |
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allusion
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| n.暗示，间接提示 | |
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determined
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| adj.坚定的；有决心的 | |
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passionate
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，激昂的，易动情的，易怒的，性情暴躁的 | |
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dread
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| vt.担忧，忧虑；惧怕，不敢；n.担忧，畏惧 | |
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banishment
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| n.放逐，驱逐 | |
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impeach
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| v.弹劾；检举 | |
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consecration
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| n.供献，奉献，献祭仪式 | |
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bind
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| vt.捆，包扎；装订；约束；使凝固；vi.变硬 | |
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vitriolic
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| adj.硫酸的，尖刻的 | |
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intensity
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| n.强烈，剧烈；强度；烈度 | |
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remorse
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| n.痛恨，悔恨，自责 | |
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ardent
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| adj.热情的，热烈的，强烈的，烈性的 | |
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simplicity
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| n.简单，简易；朴素；直率，单纯 | |
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repose
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| v.(使)休息；n.安息 | |
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blemish
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| v.损害；玷污；瑕疵，缺点 | |
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antagonism
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| n.对抗，敌对，对立 | |
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tenacity
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| n.坚韧 | |
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judgment
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| n.审判；判断力，识别力，看法，意见 | |
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pawnbroker
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| n.典当商，当铺老板 | |
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genealogy
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| n.家系，宗谱 | |
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animus
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| n.恶意；意图 | |
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formerly
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| adv.从前，以前 | |
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consecrated
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| adj.神圣的，被视为神圣的v.把…奉为神圣，给…祝圣( consecrate的过去式和过去分词 )；奉献 | |
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45
secrecy
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| n.秘密，保密，隐蔽 | |
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46
shrouded
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| v.隐瞒( shroud的过去式和过去分词 )；保密 | |
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resistant
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| adj.(to)抵抗的，有抵抗力的 | |
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opprobrium
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| n.耻辱，责难 | |
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posture
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| n.姿势，姿态，心态，态度；v.作出某种姿势 | |
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50
wail
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| vt./vi.大声哀号，恸哭；呼啸，尖啸 | |
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51
solely
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| adv.仅仅，唯一地 | |
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52
repulsive
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| adj.排斥的，使人反感的 | |
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53
torment
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| n.折磨；令人痛苦的东西(人)；vt.折磨；纠缠 | |
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54
habitual
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| adj.习惯性的；通常的，惯常的 | |
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55
hindrances
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| 阻碍者( hindrance的名词复数 )； 障碍物； 受到妨碍的状态 | |
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56
compassion
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| n.同情，怜悯 | |
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57
manifestation
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| n.表现形式；表明；现象 | |
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58
scent
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| n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉 | |
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59
joyfully
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| adv. 喜悦地, 高兴地 | |
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60
justifying
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| 证明…有理( justify的现在分词 )； 为…辩护； 对…作出解释； 为…辩解（或辩护） | |
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61
thither
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| adv.向那里；adj.在那边的，对岸的 | |
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62
apron
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| n.围裙；工作裙 | |
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63
remarkable
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| adj.显著的，异常的，非凡的，值得注意的 | |
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64
slab
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| n.平板，厚的切片；v.切成厚板，以平板盖上 | |
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65
spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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66
fervor
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| n.热诚；热心；炽热 | |
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67
impeded
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| 阻碍，妨碍，阻止( impede的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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68
elastic
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| n.橡皮圈，松紧带；adj.有弹性的；灵活的 | |
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69
animated
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| adj.生气勃勃的，活跃的，愉快的 | |
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70
draught
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| n.拉，牵引，拖；一网（饮，吸，阵)；顿服药量，通风；v.起草，设计 | |
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71
stimulated
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| a.刺激的 | |
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72
throng
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| n.人群，群众；v.拥挤，群集 | |
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73
triumphant
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| adj.胜利的，成功的；狂欢的，喜悦的 | |
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74
subduing
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| 征服( subdue的现在分词 )； 克制； 制服； 色变暗 | |
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75
pang
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| n.剧痛，悲痛，苦闷 | |
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raving
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| adj.说胡话的；疯狂的，怒吼的；非常漂亮的；令人醉心[痴心]的v.胡言乱语(rave的现在分词)n.胡话；疯话adv.胡言乱语地；疯狂地 | |
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77
swerving
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| v.（使）改变方向，改变目的( swerve的现在分词 ) | |
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