Chapter 23

Icouldn’t escape that image of Missy Ryan, her eyes focused on nothing, and because of that, I became someone I’d never known before.  Six weeks after her death, I parked the car about half a mile away from my final destination, in the parking lot of a gas station. I made the rest of the way on foot.

It was late, a little past nine, and it was a Thursday. The September sun had set only half an hour earlier, and I knew enough to keep out of sight. I was wearing black and kept to the side of the road, going so far as to cower¹ behind some bushes when I saw headlights closing in on me.

Despite my belt, I had to keep grabbing for my trousers, which kept slipping over my hips². I had begun doing that so frequently, I had stopped noticing, but on that evening, with branches and twigs³ pulling at them, I realized how much weight I had lost. Since the accident, I’d lost my appetite; even the idea of eating seemed to repulse⁴ me.

My hair, too, had begun to fall out. Not in clumps⁵, but in strands⁶, as if decaying slowly but steadily⁷, like termites⁸ ravaging⁹ a home. There would be strands on my pillow when I woke, and when I brushed my hair, I would have to use my fingers to clear the bristles¹⁰ before I finished or the brush would slide without catching¹¹. I would flush the hair down the toilet, watching it swirl¹² downward, and once it was gone, I would flush again for no other reason than to postpone¹³ the reality of my life.

That night, as I was climbing through a hole in the fence, I cut my palm on a jagged nail. It hurt and it bled, but instead of turning around, I simply squeezed my hand into a fist and felt the blood seeping¹⁴ between my fingers, thick and sticky. I did not care about the pain that night, just as I do not care about the scar today.

I had to go. In the last week, I had gone to the site of Missy’s accident and had also visited Missy’s grave. At the grave, I remember, the headstone had been placed and there were still remnants of fresh earth, where the grass had yet to grow, almost like a small hole. It bothered me for a reason I couldn’t quite explain, and that was where I set the flowers. Then, not knowing what else to do, I sat down and simply stared at the granite¹⁵. The cemetery¹⁶ was mostly empty; in the distance, I could see a few people here and there, tending to their own business. I turned away, not caring if they saw me.

In the moonlight, I opened my hand. The blood was black and shone like oil. I closed my eyes, remembering Missy, then moved forward again. It took half an hour to get there. Mosquitoes buzzed around my face. Toward the end of my trek¹⁷, I had to cut across yards to stay off the road. The yards here are wide, the houses set far from the road, and it was easier going. My eyes were locked on my destination, and as I approached, I slowed down, careful not to make any sound.  I could see light streaming from the windows. I saw a car parked in the driveway.

I knew where they’d lived; everyone did. This was a small town, after all. I had seen their house in the daytime, too; like the scene of the accident and Missy’s grave, I’d been there before, though I’d never been this close. My breathing slowed as I reached the side of the house. I could smell the scent¹⁸ of freshly mowed¹⁹ grass.

I stopped, my hand pressed against the brick. I listened for squeaky floorboards, a movement toward the door, shadows flickering²⁰ over the porch. No one seemed to realize I was there.

I inched my way to the living room window, then crept onto the porch, where I wedged myself into a corner, my body hidden from those who might pass on the road by an ivy-covered trellis. In the distance, I heard a dog begin to bark, then pause, then finally bark again to see if anything would stir. Curiously²¹, I peeked²² in.

I saw nothing.

But I was unable to turn away. This is how they lived, I thought. Missy and Miles sat on that couch, they set their cups on that end table. Those are their pictures on the wall. Those are their books. As I looked around, I noticed that the television was on, the sounds of conversation running together. The room was tidy, uncluttered, and for some reason, that made me feel better.  It was then that I saw Jonah enter the living room. I held my breath as he approached the television, since he was nearing me as well, but he never looked my way. Instead he sat, crossing his legs, and stared at the program without moving, as if hypnotized.

I pressed a little closer against the glass to see him better. He had grown in the past two months, not much, but noticeable. Though it was late, he was still in jeans and his shirt, not in his pajamas²³. I heard him laugh, and my heart nearly burst in my chest.

That was when Miles came into the room. I pulled back into the shadows, but still I watched him. He stood there for a long moment, watching his son, saying nothing. His expression was void, unreadable . . . hypnotized. He held a manila file in his hands, and a moment later, I saw him glance at his watch. His hair on one side was puffed²⁴ out, as if he’d been running his hands through it.  I knew what would happen next, and I waited. He’d start talking to his son. He’d ask what Jonah was watching. Or, because it was a school night, he’d say something about Jonah having to go to bed or putting his pajamas on. He’d ask if he wanted a cup of milk or a snack.

But he didn’t.

Instead, Miles simply passed through the living room and vanished into a darkened hallway, almost as if he’d never been there at all.  A minute later I crept away.

I didn’t sleep the rest of the night.

1 cower   

v.畏缩，退缩，抖缩

参考例句：

• I will never cower before any master nor bend to any threat.我决不会在任何一位大师面前发抖，也不会为任何恐吓所屈服。
• Will the Chinese cower before difficulties when they are not afraid even of death?中国人死都不怕，还怕困难吗？

2 hips   

abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯，耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 )；[建筑学]屋脊；臀围（尺寸）；臀部…的

参考例句：

• She stood with her hands on her hips. 她双手叉腰站着。
• They wiggled their hips to the sound of pop music. 他们随着流行音乐的声音摇晃着臀部。 来自《简明英汉词典》

3 twigs   

细枝，嫩枝( twig的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Some birds build nests of twigs. 一些鸟用树枝筑巢。
• Willow twigs are pliable. 柳条很软。

4 repulse   

n.击退，拒绝；vt.逐退，击退，拒绝

参考例句：

• The armed forces were prepared to repulse any attacks.武装部队已作好击退任何进攻的准备。
• After the second repulse,the enemy surrendered.在第二次击退之后，敌人投降了。

5 clumps   

n.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的名词复数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声v.（树、灌木、植物等的）丛、簇( clump的第三人称单数 )；（土、泥等）团；块；笨重的脚步声

参考例句：

• These plants quickly form dense clumps. 这些植物很快形成了浓密的树丛。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• The bulbs were over. All that remained of them were clumps of brown leaves. 这些鳞茎死了，剩下的只是一丛丛的黃叶子。 来自《简明英汉词典》

6 strands   

n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 )

参考例句：

• Twist a length of rope from strands of hemp. 用几股麻搓成了一段绳子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• She laced strands into a braid. 她把几股线编织成一根穗带。 来自《简明英汉词典》

7 steadily   

adv.稳定地；不变地；持续地

参考例句：

• The scope of man's use of natural resources will steadily grow.人类利用自然资源的广度将日益扩大。
• Our educational reform was steadily led onto the correct path.我们的教学改革慢慢上轨道了。

8 termites   

n.白蚁( termite的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• Termites are principally tropical in distribution. 白蚁主要分布在热带地区。 来自辞典例句
• This spray will exterminate the termites. 这种喷剂能消灭白蚁。 来自辞典例句

9 ravaging   

毁坏( ravage的现在分词 )； 蹂躏； 劫掠； 抢劫

参考例句：

• It is believed that in fatigue there is a repeated process of ravaging the material. 据认为，在疲劳中，有一个使材料毁坏的重复过程。
• I was able to capture the lion that was ravaging through town. 我能逮住正在城里肆虐的那头狮子。

10 bristles   

短而硬的毛发，刷子毛( bristle的名词复数 )

参考例句：

• the bristles on his chin 他下巴上的胡楂子
• This job bristles with difficulties. 这项工作困难重重。

11 catching   

adj.易传染的，有魅力的，迷人的，接住

参考例句：

• There are those who think eczema is catching.有人就是认为湿疹会传染。
• Enthusiasm is very catching.热情非常富有感染力。

12 swirl   

v.(使)打漩，(使)涡卷；n.漩涡，螺旋形

参考例句：

• The car raced roughly along in a swirl of pink dust.汽车在一股粉红色尘土的漩涡中颠簸着快速前进。
• You could lie up there,watching the flakes swirl past.你可以躺在那儿，看着雪花飘飘。

13 postpone   

v.延期，推迟

参考例句：

• I shall postpone making a decision till I learn full particulars.在未获悉详情之前我得从缓作出决定。
• She decided to postpone the converastion for that evening.她决定当天晚上把谈话搁一搁。

14 seeping   

v.（液体）渗( seep的现在分词 )；渗透；渗出；漏出

参考例句：

• Water had been slowly seeping away from the pond. 池塘里的水一直在慢慢渗漏。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• Chueh-hui could feel the cold seeping into his bones. 觉慧开始觉得寒气透过衣服浸到身上来了。 来自汉英文学 - 家（1-26） - 家（1-26）

15 granite   

adj.花岗岩，花岗石

参考例句：

• They squared a block of granite.他们把一块花岗岩加工成四方形。
• The granite overlies the older rocks.花岗岩躺在磨损的岩石上面。

16 cemetery   

n.坟墓，墓地，坟场

参考例句：

• He was buried in the cemetery.他被葬在公墓。
• His remains were interred in the cemetery.他的遗体葬在墓地。

17 trek   

vi.作长途艰辛的旅行；n.长途艰苦的旅行

参考例句：

• We often go pony-trek in the summer.夏季我们经常骑马旅行。
• It took us the whole day to trek across the rocky terrain.我们花了一整天的时间艰难地穿过那片遍布岩石的地带。

18 scent   

n.气味，香味，香水，线索，嗅觉；v.嗅，发觉

参考例句：

• The air was filled with the scent of lilac.空气中弥漫着丁香花的芬芳。
• The flowers give off a heady scent at night.这些花晚上散发出醉人的芳香。

19 mowed   

v.刈，割( mow的过去式和过去分词 )

参考例句：

• The enemy were mowed down with machine-gun fire. 敌人被机枪的火力扫倒。 来自《现代英汉综合大词典》
• Men mowed the wide lawns and seeded them. 人们割了大片草地的草，然后在上面播种。 来自辞典例句

20 flickering   

adj.闪烁的，摇曳的，一闪一闪的

参考例句：

• The crisp autumn wind is flickering away. 清爽的秋风正在吹拂。
• The lights keep flickering. 灯光忽明忽暗。

21 curiously   

adv.有求知欲地；好问地；奇特地

参考例句：

• He looked curiously at the people.他好奇地看着那些人。
• He took long stealthy strides. His hands were curiously cold.他迈着悄没声息的大步。他的双手出奇地冷。

22 peeked   

v.很快地看( peek的过去式和过去分词 )；偷看；窥视；微露出

参考例句：

• She peeked over the top of her menu. 她从菜单上往外偷看。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• On two occasions she had peeked at him through a crack in the wall. 她曾两次透过墙缝窥视他。 来自辞典例句

23 pajamas   

n.睡衣裤

参考例句：

• At bedtime,I take off my clothes and put on my pajamas.睡觉时，我脱去衣服，换上睡衣。
• He was wearing striped pajamas.他穿着带条纹的睡衣裤。

24 puffed   

adj.疏松的v.使喷出( puff的过去式和过去分词 )；喷着汽（或烟）移动；吹嘘；吹捧

参考例句：

• He lit a cigarette and puffed at it furiously. 他点燃了一支香烟，狂吸了几口。 来自《简明英汉词典》
• He felt grown-up, puffed up with self-importance. 他觉得长大了，便自以为了不起。 来自《简明英汉词典》