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Prologue
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Is it possible, I wonder, for a man to truly change? Or do character and habit form the immovable boundaries of our lives?

It is mid-October 2003, and I ponder these questions as I watch a moth1 flail2 wildly against the porch light. I’m alone outside. Jane, my wife, is sleeping upstairs and she didn’t stir when I slipped out of bed. It is late; midnight has come and gone, and there’s a crispness in the air that holds the promise of an early winter. I’m wearing a heavy cotton robe, and though I imagined it would be thick enough to keep the chill at bay, I notice that my hands are trembling before I bury them in my pockets.

Above me, the stars are specks3 of silver paint on a charcoal4 canvas. I see Orion and the Pleiades, Ursa Major and Corona5 Borealis, and think I should be inspired by the realization6 that I’m not only looking at the stars, but staring into the past as well. Constellations7 shine with light that was emitted aeons ago, and I wait for something to come to me, words that a poet might use to illuminate8 life’s mysteries. But there is nothing.

This doesn’t surprise me. I’ve never considered myself a sentimental9 man, and if you asked my wife, I’m sure she would agree. I do not lose myself in films or plays, I’ve never been a dreamer, and if I aspire10 to any form of mastery at all, it is one defined by rules of the Internal Revenue Service and codified11 by law.  For the most part, my days and years as an estate lawyer have been spent in the company of those preparing for their own deaths, and I suppose that some might say that my life is less meaningful because of this. But even if they’re right, what can I do? I make no excuses for myself, nor have I ever, and by the end of my story, I hope you’ll view this quirk12 of my character with a forgiving eye.  Please don’t misunderstand. I may not be sentimental, but I’m not completely without emotion, and there are moments when I’m struck by a deep sense of wonder. It is usually simple things that I find strangely moving: standing13 among the giant sequoias in the Sierra Nevadas, for instance, or watching ocean waves as they crash together off Cape14 Hatteras, sending salty plumes15 into the sky.  Last week, I felt my throat tighten16 when I watched a young boy reach for his father’s hand as they strolled down the sidewalk. There are other things, too: I can sometimes lose track of time when staring at a sky filled with wind-whipped clouds, and when I hear thunder rumbling17, I always draw near the window to watch for lightning. When the next brilliant flash illuminates18 the sky, I often find myself filled with longing19, though I’m at a loss to tell you what it is that I feel my life is missing.

My name is Wilson Lewis, and this is the story of a wedding. It is also the story of my marriage, but despite the thirty years that Jane and I have spent together, I suppose I should begin by admitting that others know far more about marriage than I. A man can learn nothing by asking my advice. In the course of my marriage, I’ve been selfish and stubborn and as ignorant as a goldfish, and it pains me to realize this about myself. Yet, looking back, I believe that if I’ve done one thing right, it has been to love my wife throughout our years together. While this may strike some as a feat20 not worth mentioning, you should know that there was a time when I was certain that my wife didn’t feel the same way about me.

Of course, all marriages go through ups and downs, and I believe this is the natural consequence of couples that choose to stay together over the long haul.  Between us, my wife and I have lived through the deaths of both of my parents and one of hers, and the illness of her father. We’ve moved four times, and though I’ve been successful in my profession, many sacrifices were made in order to secure this position. We have three children, and while neither of us would trade the experience of parenthood for the riches of Tutankhamen, the sleepless21 nights and frequent trips to the hospital when they were infants left both of us exhausted22 and often overwhelmed. It goes without saying that their teenage years were an experience I would rather not relive.

All of those events create their own stresses, and when two people live together, the stress flows both ways. This, I’ve come to believe, is both the blessing23 and the curse of marriage. It’s a blessing because there’s an outlet24 for the everyday strains of life; it’s a curse because the outlet is someone you care deeply about.

Why do I mention this? Because I want to underscore that throughout all these events, I never doubted my feelings for my wife. Sure, there were days when we avoided eye contact at the breakfast table, but still I never doubted us. It would be dishonest to say that I haven’t wondered what would have happened had I married someone else, but in all the years we spent together, I never once regretted the fact that I had chosen her and that she had chosen me as well. I thought our relationship was settled, but in the end, I realized that I was wrong. I learned that a little more than a year ago—fourteen months, to be exact—and it was that realization, more than anything, that set in motion all that was to come.

What happened then, you wonder?

Given my age, a person might suppose that it was some incident inspired by a midlife crisis. A sudden desire to change my life, perhaps, or maybe a crime of the heart. But it was neither of those things. No, my sin was a small one in the grand scheme of things, an incident that under different circumstances might have been the subject of a humorous anecdote25 in later years. But it hurt her, it hurt us, and thus it is here where I must begin my story.  It was August 23, 2002, and what I did was this: I rose and ate breakfast, then spent the day at the office, as is my custom. The events of my workday played no role in what came after; to be honest, I can’t remember anything about it other than to recall that it was nothing extraordinary. I arrived home at my regular hour and was pleasantly surprised to see Jane preparing my favorite meal in the kitchen. When she turned to greet me, I thought I saw her eyes flicker26 downward, looking to see if I was holding something other than my briefcase27, but I was empty-handed. An hour later we ate dinner together, and afterward28, as Jane began collecting the dishes from the table, I retrieved29 a few legal documents from my briefcase that I wished to review. Sitting in my office, I was perusing30 the first page when I noticed Jane standing in the doorway31. She was drying her hands on a dish towel, and her face registered a disappointment that I had learned to recognize over the years, if not fully32 understand.

“Is there anything you want to say?” she asked after a moment.  I hesitated, aware there was more to her question than its innocence33 implied. I thought perhaps that she was referring to a new hairstyle, but I looked carefully and her hair seemed no different from usual. I’d tried over the years to notice such things. Still, I was at a loss, and as we stood before each other, I knew I had to offer something.

“How was your day?” I finally asked.

She gave a strange half smile in response and turned away.  I know now what she was looking for, of course, but at the time, I shrugged34 it off and went back to work, chalking it up as another example of the mysteriousness of women.

Later that evening, I’d crawled into bed and was making myself comfortable when I heard Jane draw a single, rapid breath. She was lying on her side with her back toward me, and when I noticed that her shoulders were trembling, it suddenly struck me that she was crying. Baffled, I expected her to tell me what had upset her so, but instead of speaking, she offered another set of raspy inhales35, as if trying to breathe through her own tears. My throat tightened36 instinctively37, and I found myself growing frightened. I tried not to be scared; tried not to think that something bad had happened to her father or to the kids, or that she had been given terrible news by her doctor. I tried not to think that there might be a problem I couldn’t solve, and I placed my hand on her back in the hope that I could somehow comfort her.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

It was a moment before she answered. I heard her sigh as she pulled the covers up to her shoulders.

“Happy anniversary,” she whispered.

Twenty-nine years, I remembered too late, and in the corner of the room, I spotted38 the gifts she’d bought me, neatly39 wrapped and perched on the chest of drawers.

Quite simply, I had forgotten.

I make no excuses for this, nor would I even if I could. What would be the point? I apologized, of course, then apologized again the following morning; and later in the evening, when she opened the perfume I’d selected carefully with the help of a young lady at Belk’s, she smiled and thanked me and patted my leg.  Sitting beside her on the couch, I knew I loved her then as much as I did the day we were married. But in looking at her, noticing perhaps for the first time the distracted way she glanced off to the side and the unmistakably sad tilt40 of her head—I suddenly realized that I wasn’t quite sure whether she still loved me.


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 moth a10y1     
n.蛾,蛀虫
参考例句:
  • A moth was fluttering round the lamp.有一只蛾子扑打着翅膀绕着灯飞。
  • The sweater is moth-eaten.毛衣让蛀虫咬坏了。
2 flail hgNzc     
v.用连枷打;击打;n.连枷(脱粒用的工具)
参考例句:
  • No fence against flail.飞来横祸不胜防。
  • His arms were flailing in all directions.他的手臂胡乱挥舞着。
3 specks 6d64faf449275b5ce146fe2c78100fed     
n.眼镜;斑点,微粒,污点( speck的名词复数 )
参考例句:
  • Minutes later Brown spotted two specks in the ocean. 几分钟后布朗发现海洋中有两个小点。 来自英汉非文学 - 百科语料821
  • Do you ever seem to see specks in front of your eyes? 你眼睛前面曾似乎看见过小点吗? 来自辞典例句
4 charcoal prgzJ     
n.炭,木炭,生物炭
参考例句:
  • We need to get some more charcoal for the barbecue.我们烧烤需要更多的碳。
  • Charcoal is used to filter water.木炭是用来过滤水的。
5 corona jY4z4     
n.日冕
参考例句:
  • The corona gains and loses energy continuously.日冕总是不断地获得能量和损失能量。
  • The corona is a brilliant,pearly white,filmy light,about as bright as the full moon.光环带是一种灿烂的珠白色朦胧光,几乎像满月一样明亮。
6 realization nTwxS     
n.实现;认识到,深刻了解
参考例句:
  • We shall gladly lend every effort in our power toward its realization.我们将乐意为它的实现而竭尽全力。
  • He came to the realization that he would never make a good teacher.他逐渐认识到自己永远不会成为好老师。
7 constellations ee34f7988ee4aa80f9502f825177c85d     
n.星座( constellation的名词复数 );一群杰出人物;一系列(相关的想法、事物);一群(相关的人)
参考例句:
  • The map of the heavens showed all the northern constellations. 这份天体图标明了北半部所有的星座。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • His time was coming, he would move in the constellations of power. 他时来运转,要进入权力中心了。 来自教父部分
8 illuminate zcSz4     
vt.照亮,照明;用灯光装饰;说明,阐释
参考例句:
  • Dreams kindle a flame to illuminate our dark roads.梦想点燃火炬照亮我们黑暗的道路。
  • They use games and drawings to illuminate their subject.他们用游戏和图画来阐明他们的主题。
9 sentimental dDuzS     
adj.多愁善感的,感伤的
参考例句:
  • She's a sentimental woman who believes marriage comes by destiny.她是多愁善感的人,她相信姻缘命中注定。
  • We were deeply touched by the sentimental movie.我们深深被那感伤的电影所感动。
10 aspire ANbz2     
vi.(to,after)渴望,追求,有志于
参考例句:
  • Living together with you is what I aspire toward in my life.和你一起生活是我一生最大的愿望。
  • I aspire to be an innovator not a follower.我迫切希望能变成个开创者而不是跟随者。
11 codified dd3cd252bc567c020a4b80e850158714     
v.把(法律)编成法典( codify的过去式和过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • In the meantime, however, Kennecott had been codified elsewhere in the Act. 然而,“肯尼考特”一案已被编人法案。 来自英汉非文学 - 环境法 - 环境法
  • Congress has since codified this holding. 从那时以来,国会编纂整理了最高法院的这一裁定。 来自英汉非文学 - 行政法
12 quirk 00KzV     
n.奇事,巧合;古怪的举动
参考例句:
  • He had a strange quirk of addressing his wife as Mrs Smith.他很怪,把自己的妻子称作史密斯夫人。
  • The most annoying quirk of his is wearing a cap all the time.他最令人感到厌恶的怪癖就是无论何时都戴著帽子。
13 standing 2hCzgo     
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的
参考例句:
  • After the earthquake only a few houses were left standing.地震过后只有几幢房屋还立着。
  • They're standing out against any change in the law.他们坚决反对对法律做任何修改。
14 cape ITEy6     
n.海角,岬;披肩,短披风
参考例句:
  • I long for a trip to the Cape of Good Hope.我渴望到好望角去旅行。
  • She was wearing a cape over her dress.她在外套上披着一件披肩。
15 plumes 15625acbfa4517aa1374a6f1f44be446     
羽毛( plume的名词复数 ); 羽毛饰; 羽毛状物; 升上空中的羽状物
参考例句:
  • The dancer wore a headdress of pink ostrich plumes. 那位舞蹈演员戴着粉色鸵鸟毛制作的头饰。
  • The plumes on her bonnet barely moved as she nodded. 她点点头,那帽子的羽毛在一个劲儿颤动。
16 tighten 9oYwI     
v.(使)变紧;(使)绷紧
参考例句:
  • Turn the screw to the right to tighten it.向右转动螺钉把它拧紧。
  • Some countries tighten monetary policy to avoid inflation.一些国家实行紧缩银根的货币政策,以避免通货膨胀。
17 rumbling 85a55a2bf439684a14a81139f0b36eb1     
n. 隆隆声, 辘辘声 adj. 隆隆响的 动词rumble的现在分词
参考例句:
  • The earthquake began with a deep [low] rumbling sound. 地震开始时发出低沉的隆隆声。
  • The crane made rumbling sound. 吊车发出隆隆的响声。
18 illuminates 63e70c844c6767d7f38403dcd36bb8a5     
v.使明亮( illuminate的第三人称单数 );照亮;装饰;说明
参考例句:
  • The light shines on from over there and illuminates the stage. 灯光从那边照进来,照亮了舞台。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • The sun illuminates the sky. 太阳照亮了天空。 来自《简明英汉词典》
19 longing 98bzd     
n.(for)渴望
参考例句:
  • Hearing the tune again sent waves of longing through her.再次听到那首曲子使她胸中充满了渴望。
  • His heart burned with longing for revenge.他心中燃烧着急欲复仇的怒火。
20 feat 5kzxp     
n.功绩;武艺,技艺;adj.灵巧的,漂亮的,合适的
参考例句:
  • Man's first landing on the moon was a feat of great daring.人类首次登月是一个勇敢的壮举。
  • He received a medal for his heroic feat.他因其英雄业绩而获得一枚勋章。
21 sleepless oiBzGN     
adj.不睡眠的,睡不著的,不休息的
参考例句:
  • The situation gave her many sleepless nights.这种情况害她一连好多天睡不好觉。
  • One evening I heard a tale that rendered me sleepless for nights.一天晚上,我听说了一个传闻,把我搞得一连几夜都不能入睡。
22 exhausted 7taz4r     
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的
参考例句:
  • It was a long haul home and we arrived exhausted.搬运回家的这段路程特别长,到家时我们已筋疲力尽。
  • Jenny was exhausted by the hustle of city life.珍妮被城市生活的忙乱弄得筋疲力尽。
23 blessing UxDztJ     
n.祈神赐福;祷告;祝福,祝愿
参考例句:
  • The blessing was said in Hebrew.祷告用了希伯来语。
  • A double blessing has descended upon the house.双喜临门。
24 outlet ZJFxG     
n.出口/路;销路;批发商店;通风口;发泄
参考例句:
  • The outlet of a water pipe was blocked.水管的出水口堵住了。
  • Running is a good outlet for his energy.跑步是他发泄过剩精力的好方法。
25 anecdote 7wRzd     
n.轶事,趣闻,短故事
参考例句:
  • He departed from the text to tell an anecdote.他偏离课文讲起了一则轶事。
  • It had never been more than a family anecdote.那不过是个家庭趣谈罢了。
26 flicker Gjxxb     
vi./n.闪烁,摇曳,闪现
参考例句:
  • There was a flicker of lights coming from the abandoned house.这所废弃的房屋中有灯光闪烁。
  • At first,the flame may be a small flicker,barely shining.开始时,光辉可能是微弱地忽隐忽现,几乎并不灿烂。
27 briefcase lxdz6A     
n.手提箱,公事皮包
参考例句:
  • He packed a briefcase with what might be required.他把所有可能需要的东西都装进公文包。
  • He requested the old man to look after the briefcase.他请求那位老人照看这个公事包。
28 afterward fK6y3     
adv.后来;以后
参考例句:
  • Let's go to the theatre first and eat afterward. 让我们先去看戏,然后吃饭。
  • Afterward,the boy became a very famous artist.后来,这男孩成为一个很有名的艺术家。
29 retrieved 1f81ff822b0877397035890c32e35843     
v.取回( retrieve的过去式和过去分词 );恢复;寻回;检索(储存的信息)
参考例句:
  • Yesterday I retrieved the bag I left in the train. 昨天我取回了遗留在火车上的包。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He reached over and retrieved his jacket from the back seat. 他伸手从后座上取回了自己的夹克。 来自辞典例句
30 perusing bcaed05acf3fe41c30fcdcb9d74c5abe     
v.读(某篇文字)( peruse的现在分词 );(尤指)细阅;审阅;匆匆读或心不在焉地浏览(某篇文字)
参考例句:
  • She found the information while she was perusing a copy of Life magazine. 她在读《生活》杂志的时候看到了这个消息。 来自辞典例句
  • Hence people who began by beholding him ended by perusing him. 所以人们从随便看一看他开始的,都要以仔细捉摸他而终结。 来自辞典例句
31 doorway 2s0xK     
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径
参考例句:
  • They huddled in the shop doorway to shelter from the rain.他们挤在商店门口躲雨。
  • Mary suddenly appeared in the doorway.玛丽突然出现在门口。
32 fully Gfuzd     
adv.完全地,全部地,彻底地;充分地
参考例句:
  • The doctor asked me to breathe in,then to breathe out fully.医生让我先吸气,然后全部呼出。
  • They soon became fully integrated into the local community.他们很快就完全融入了当地人的圈子。
33 innocence ZbizC     
n.无罪;天真;无害
参考例句:
  • There was a touching air of innocence about the boy.这个男孩有一种令人感动的天真神情。
  • The accused man proved his innocence of the crime.被告人经证实无罪。
34 shrugged 497904474a48f991a3d1961b0476ebce     
vt.耸肩(shrug的过去式与过去分词形式)
参考例句:
  • Sam shrugged and said nothing. 萨姆耸耸肩膀,什么也没说。
  • She shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 她耸耸肩,装出一副无所谓的样子。 来自《简明英汉词典》
35 inhales 66258917108130a73b89d266a92937e0     
v.吸入( inhale的第三人称单数 )
参考例句:
  • Long, slow, full breaths with exhales at least as long as the inhales. 深长、缓慢、充分的呼吸,呼气至少要同吸气一样长。 来自互联网
  • An impressive pile forms. Heywood bends down and inhales deeply, smelling the aroma. Rapture. 一小排香烟。海沃德低下头使劲地闻着香烟的气味,高兴不已。 来自互联网
36 tightened bd3d8363419d9ff838bae0ba51722ee9     
收紧( tighten的过去式和过去分词 ); (使)变紧; (使)绷紧; 加紧
参考例句:
  • The rope holding the boat suddenly tightened and broke. 系船的绳子突然绷断了。
  • His index finger tightened on the trigger but then relaxed again. 他的食指扣住扳机,然后又松开了。
37 instinctively 2qezD2     
adv.本能地
参考例句:
  • As he leaned towards her she instinctively recoiled. 他向她靠近,她本能地往后缩。 来自《简明英汉词典》
  • He knew instinctively where he would find her. 他本能地知道在哪儿能找到她。 来自《简明英汉词典》
38 spotted 7FEyj     
adj.有斑点的,斑纹的,弄污了的
参考例句:
  • The milkman selected the spotted cows,from among a herd of two hundred.牛奶商从一群200头牛中选出有斑点的牛。
  • Sam's shop stocks short spotted socks.山姆的商店屯积了有斑点的短袜。
39 neatly ynZzBp     
adv.整洁地,干净地,灵巧地,熟练地
参考例句:
  • Sailors know how to wind up a long rope neatly.水手们知道怎样把一条大绳利落地缠好。
  • The child's dress is neatly gathered at the neck.那孩子的衣服在领口处打着整齐的皱褶。
40 tilt aG3y0     
v.(使)倾侧;(使)倾斜;n.倾侧;倾斜
参考例句:
  • She wore her hat at a tilt over her left eye.她歪戴着帽子遮住左眼。
  • The table is at a slight tilt.这张桌子没放平,有点儿歪.


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