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Chapter 3
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I DROVE HOME nearly blind with shame, cutting through dark, cold streets as if nothing mattered.

The closest I've come to having children are the people who've depended on me. Encountering Lauren had given me a glimpse of what the parents of whores and felons1 go through.

The look in her eyes when she'd recognized me—stripper's flaunt2 degrading to ... imbalance. The uncertainty3 she'd never shown as a teenager.

Now she was twenty-one. Legal. That made me laugh out loud.

Why the hell had I gone to Harnsberger's party in the first place? Why hadn't I left when the tone of the evening became clear?

Because, as in most men, something in me craved4 fresh erotic imagery.

Robin5 was waiting up for me, but that night I was very poor company.

I slept terribly, woke the next morning wondering what, if anything, I should do about the encounter. At eight o'clock I called my service, and the operator informed me Lauren had phoned at midnight and asked for an appointment.

"She sounded urgent," said the operator. "I knew about that cancellation6 at two, so I gave it to her. Hope that was okay, Dr. Delaware."

"Sure," I said, sick with dread7. "Thanks."

"We're here to serve, Doctor."

At two P.M. precisely8 the bell on the side door rang and my heart jumped.

Patients who've never been to my house usually remain down at the gate. The bell ring meant Lauren had unlatched the gate, mastered the route across the front drive and through the garden. No warning dog bark; Robin had gone up to Carpinteria on a wood-buying trip, left at daybreak, taking Spike9 with her.

I put down the coffee I hadn't touched, hurried through the house, opened the door.

New face on the other side.

Fresh, scrubbed, expressionless, clipped snowy hair stripped of product, brushed forward, falling in a soft Caesar cut.

No makeup10 at all. The same blue eyes—tougher, tempered. An untested face, except for the eyes.

At twenty-one Lauren looked younger than she had at fifteen.

A bleached-denim shirt and easy-fit jeans covered her from neck to ankle. The shirt was buttoned to the top and cinched with a turquoise11 clasp. The jeans managed to hug her frame, advertise the tight waist, soft hips12. On her feet were white canvas flats with straw soles. A big calfskin bag hung over one shoulder—rich, burnished13 roan, gold-clasped, conspicuously14 expensive.

"Hello, Lauren."

Gazing past me she offered her hand. Her palm was cold and dry. I didn't feel like smiling, but when her eyes finally met mine, I managed.

She didn't. "You work at home now. Cute place."

"Thanks. Come on in."

I stayed just ahead of her during the walk to my office. She moved fast—as eager to enter as she'd once been to leave.

"Very nice," she said when we got there. "Still seeing kids and teens?"

"I don't do much therapy anymore."

She froze in the doorway15. "Your answering service didn't say that."

"I'm still in practice, but most of my work is consultation," I said. "Court cases, some police work. I'm always available to former patients."

"Police work," she said. "Yes. I saw your name in the paper. That school-yard shooting. So now you're a public hero."

Still looking past me. Through me. "Come on in," I said.

"That's the same," she said, eyeing my old leather couch.

"Kind of an antique," I said.

"You're not — you really haven't changed that much."

I moved behind the desk.

"'I've changed," she said.

"You've grown up," I said.

"Have I?" She sat stiffly, made a move for the calfskin bag, stopped herself, started to smile, quashed that too. "Still no smoking?"

"Sorry, no."

"Filthy16 habit," she said. "Inherited it from Mom. She had a scare a few years back — spot on her X ray, but it turned out to be a shadow — stupid doctor. So she finally stopped. You'd think it would teach me. People are weak. You know that. You make a living off that."

"People are fallible," I said.

One of her legs began to bounce. "Back when I came to you, I gave you a real hard time, didn't I?"

I smiled. "Nothing I hadn't seen before."

"It probably didn't seem like it, but I was actually getting into the idea of therapy. I'd psyched myself up for it. Then they killed it."

"Your parents?"

The surprise in my voice made her flush. "They didn't tell you." Her smile was cold. "They claimed they did, but I always wondered."

"All I got was a cancellation call," I said. "No explanation. I phoned your house several times, but no one answered."

"Bastard," she said with sudden savagery17. "Asshole."

"Your father?"

"Lying asshole. He promised he'd explain everything to you. It was his decision — He never stopped complaining about the money. The day I was supposed to see you, he picked me up from school. I thought he was, making sure I showed up on time — I thought you'd lied to me and finked to him about my coming late. I was furious at you. But instead of heading to your office, he drove the other way — into the Valley. Over to this miniature golf course — this Family Fun Center. Arcades19, batting cages, all that junk. He parks, turns off the engine, says to me: 'You need quality time with your dad, not hundred-buck-an-hour baby-sitting with some quack20.'"

She bit her lip. "Doesn't that sound a little . . . like he was jealous of you?"

As I mulled my answer she said, "Seductive, don't you think?"

I continued to deliberate. Took the leap. "Lauren, was there ever any—"

"No," she said. "Never, nothing like that, he never laid a finger on me. Not for anything creepy or for normal affection. The fact is, I can't remember him ever touching21 me. He's a cold fish. And guess what: He and Mom finally got divorced. He got himself a bimbo, some slut he met on the job— So they never told you they canceled, that it wasn't my idea. Figures. They brought me up with lies."

"What kind of lies?"

The blue eyes met mine. Got hard. "Doesn't matter."

"That day at the golf course," I said. "What happened?"

"What happened? Nothing happened. We played a few holes, finally I said I was bored, started nagging22 and whining23 to be taken home. He tried to convince me. I sat down on the green and wouldn't budge24. He got mad—got all red-faced like he does, finally drove me home, steaming. Mom was in her room— It was obvious she'd been crying. I thought it had to do with me. I thought everything had to do with me—thought it all the time, and it just sat there in my head like a tumor25. Now I know better; they were totally messed up all along."

She crossed her legs. "A few weeks later he walked out. Filed for divorce without telling her. She tried to get child support out of him, he claimed business was lousy, never gave us a penny. I told her to sue his ass18, but she didn't. Not a fighter—she never has been."

"So you lived with her."

"For a little while. If you call it living. We lost the house, moved into an apartment in Panorama26 City, real dive—gunshots at night, the whole bit. Things sucked, we were broke, she was always crying. But I was having a great time 'cause she wasn't even trying to discipline me and finally I could do what I wanted. She wouldn't fight with me either."

She took a tissue from the box I position strategically, crumpled27 it into a ball, picked it open.

"Men suck," she said, staring at me. "Now let's talk about last night."

"Last night was unfortunate."

Her eyes sparked. "Unfortunate? That's the best you can do? You know the problem with this goddamn world? No one ever says they're sorry."

"Lauren—"

"Forget it." She waved the tissue dismissively. "I don't know why I even bothered." She began rummaging28 through the leather bag. "End of session. How much do you charge now? Probably more, now that your name gets in the papers."

"Please, Lauren—"

"No," she said, shooting to her feet. "The time's mine, so don't tell me how to spend it. No one tells me what to do anymore. That's what I like about my job."

"Being in control."

Her hands slapped onto her hips, and she glared down at me. "I know you're giving me shrink talk, but in this case you happen to be right. Last night you were probably too turned on to notice, but I was in charge— Michelle and me. All you guys with your mouths hanging open and your dicks stiff, and we were calling the shots. So don't judge me as if I'm some brainless slut."

"No judgments29."

Her hands fisted and she stepped closer. "Why'd you have to leave like that? Why were you ashamed of me?"

As I considered my answer, she gave a knowing smile. "I turned you on and that freaked you out."

I said, "If you were a stranger, I probably would've stuck around. I left because I was ashamed of myself."

She smirked30. "ProteWy would've stuck around?"

I didn't answer.

"But we are strangers," she said. "How can you say we're not?"

"The fact that you're here—"

"So what?"

"Lauren, once you came to me for help, I had a duty to be there for you. Like a surrogate parent. I felt my presence caused you shame too, but it was my own embarrassment31 that got me out of there."

"How noble," she said. "Man, you're confused. Like all guys are— Okay, I got what I came for. Now I'm going to pay you."

"There's nothing to pay for."

She wagged a finger. "Oh no, you don't. You've got the title and respectability, and in your eyes I'm just some stripper-slut. But once I pay you, the balance of power equalizes."

"I am not judging you, Lauren."

"You say." She whipped a wad of cash out of her jeans pocket. "What's the tab, Doc?"

"Let's talk about—"

"How much?" she demanded. "What's your hourly fee?"

I told her. She whistled. "Not too shabby." She peeled off bills, handed them to me. "Okay, here you go, and you don't even have to declare it to the IRS. I'll find my own way out."

I followed her anyway. When we reached the door, she said, "My roll— that stash32 I paid you from? Did you see the size of it? That's my tip money, honey. I do great with tips."


点击收听单词发音收听单词发音  

1 felons e83120a0492c472fd1dc24a319459666     
n.重罪犯( felon的名词复数 );瘭疽;甲沟炎;指头脓炎
参考例句:
  • Aren't those the seats they use for transporting convicted felons? 这些坐位不是他们用来押运重犯的吗? 来自电影对白
  • House Republicans talk of making felons out of the undocumented and those who help them. 众议院共和党议员正商议对未登记的非法移民以及包庇他们的人课以重罪。 来自互联网
2 flaunt 0gAz7     
vt.夸耀,夸饰
参考例句:
  • His behavior was an outrageous flaunt.他的行为是一种无耻的炫耀。
  • Why would you flaunt that on a public forum?为什么你们会在公共论坛大肆炫耀?
3 uncertainty NlFwK     
n.易变,靠不住,不确知,不确定的事物
参考例句:
  • Her comments will add to the uncertainty of the situation.她的批评将会使局势更加不稳定。
  • After six weeks of uncertainty,the strain was beginning to take its toll.6个星期的忐忑不安后,压力开始产生影响了。
4 craved e690825cc0ddd1a25d222b7a89ee7595     
渴望,热望( crave的过去式 ); 恳求,请求
参考例句:
  • She has always craved excitement. 她总渴望刺激。
  • A spicy, sharp-tasting radish was exactly what her stomach craved. 她正馋着想吃一个香甜可口的红萝卜呢。
5 robin Oj7zme     
n.知更鸟,红襟鸟
参考例句:
  • The robin is the messenger of spring.知更鸟是报春的使者。
  • We knew spring was coming as we had seen a robin.我们看见了一只知更鸟,知道春天要到了。
6 cancellation BxNzQO     
n.删除,取消
参考例句:
  • Heavy seas can cause cancellation of ferry services.海上风浪太大,可能须要取消渡轮服务。
  • Her cancellation of her trip to Paris upset our plan.她取消了巴黎之行打乱了我们的计划。
7 dread Ekpz8     
vt.担忧,忧虑;惧怕,不敢;n.担忧,畏惧
参考例句:
  • We all dread to think what will happen if the company closes.我们都不敢去想一旦公司关门我们该怎么办。
  • Her heart was relieved of its blankest dread.她极度恐惧的心理消除了。
8 precisely zlWzUb     
adv.恰好,正好,精确地,细致地
参考例句:
  • It's precisely that sort of slick sales-talk that I mistrust.我不相信的正是那种油腔滑调的推销宣传。
  • The man adjusted very precisely.那个人调得很准。
9 spike lTNzO     
n.长钉,钉鞋;v.以大钉钉牢,使...失效
参考例句:
  • The spike pierced the receipts and held them in order.那个钉子穿过那些收据并使之按顺序排列。
  • They'll do anything to spike the guns of the opposition.他们会使出各种手段来挫败对手。
10 makeup 4AXxO     
n.组织;性格;化装品
参考例句:
  • Those who failed the exam take a makeup exam.这次考试不及格的人必须参加补考。
  • Do you think her beauty could makeup for her stupidity?你认为她的美丽能弥补她的愚蠢吗?
11 turquoise Uldwx     
n.绿宝石;adj.蓝绿色的
参考例句:
  • She wore a string of turquoise round her neck.她脖子上戴着一串绿宝石。
  • The women have elaborate necklaces of turquoise.那些女人戴着由绿松石制成的精美项链。
12 hips f8c80f9a170ee6ab52ed1e87054f32d4     
abbr.high impact polystyrene 高冲击强度聚苯乙烯,耐冲性聚苯乙烯n.臀部( hip的名词复数 );[建筑学]屋脊;臀围(尺寸);臀部…的
参考例句:
  • She stood with her hands on her hips. 她双手叉腰站着。
  • They wiggled their hips to the sound of pop music. 他们随着流行音乐的声音摇晃着臀部。 来自《简明英汉词典》
13 burnished fd53130f8c1e282780d281f960e0b9ad     
adj.抛光的,光亮的v.擦亮(金属等),磨光( burnish的过去式和过去分词 );被擦亮,磨光
参考例句:
  • The floor was spotless; the grate and fire-irons were burnished bright. 地板上没有污迹;炉栅和火炉用具擦得发亮。 来自辞典例句
  • The woods today are burnished bronze. 今天的树林是一片发亮的青铜色。 来自辞典例句
14 conspicuously 3vczqb     
ad.明显地,惹人注目地
参考例句:
  • France remained a conspicuously uneasy country. 法国依然是个明显不太平的国家。
  • She figured conspicuously in the public debate on the issue. 她在该问题的公开辩论中很引人注目。
15 doorway 2s0xK     
n.门口,(喻)入门;门路,途径
参考例句:
  • They huddled in the shop doorway to shelter from the rain.他们挤在商店门口躲雨。
  • Mary suddenly appeared in the doorway.玛丽突然出现在门口。
16 filthy ZgOzj     
adj.卑劣的;恶劣的,肮脏的
参考例句:
  • The whole river has been fouled up with filthy waste from factories.整条河都被工厂的污秽废物污染了。
  • You really should throw out that filthy old sofa and get a new one.你真的应该扔掉那张肮脏的旧沙发,然后再去买张新的。
17 savagery pCozS     
n.野性
参考例句:
  • The police were shocked by the savagery of the attacks.警察对这些惨无人道的袭击感到震惊。
  • They threw away their advantage by their savagery to the black population.他们因为野蛮对待黑人居民而丧失了自己的有利地位。
18 ass qvyzK     
n.驴;傻瓜,蠢笨的人
参考例句:
  • He is not an ass as they make him.他不象大家猜想的那样笨。
  • An ass endures his burden but not more than his burden.驴能负重但不能超过它能力所负担的。
19 arcades a42d1a6806a941a9e03d983da7a9af91     
n.商场( arcade的名词复数 );拱形走道(两旁有商店或娱乐设施);连拱廊;拱形建筑物
参考例句:
  • Clothes are on sale in several shopping arcades these days. 近日一些服装店的服装正在大减价。 来自轻松英语会话---联想4000词(下)
  • The Plaza Mayor, with its galleries and arcades, is particularly impressive. 市长大厦以其别具风格的走廊和拱廊给人留下十分深刻的印象。 来自互联网
20 quack f0JzI     
n.庸医;江湖医生;冒充内行的人;骗子
参考例句:
  • He describes himself as a doctor,but I feel he is a quack.他自称是医生,可是我感觉他是个江湖骗子。
  • The quack was stormed with questions.江湖骗子受到了猛烈的质问。
21 touching sg6zQ9     
adj.动人的,使人感伤的
参考例句:
  • It was a touching sight.这是一幅动人的景象。
  • His letter was touching.他的信很感人。
22 nagging be0b69d13a0baed63cc899dc05b36d80     
adj.唠叨的,挑剔的;使人不得安宁的v.不断地挑剔或批评(某人)( nag的现在分词 );不断地烦扰或伤害(某人);无休止地抱怨;不断指责
参考例句:
  • Stop nagging—I'll do it as soon as I can. 别唠叨了—我会尽快做的。
  • I've got a nagging pain in my lower back. 我后背下方老是疼。 来自《简明英汉词典》
23 whining whining     
n. 抱怨,牢骚 v. 哭诉,发牢骚
参考例句:
  • That's the way with you whining, puny, pitiful players. 你们这种又爱哭、又软弱、又可怜的赌棍就是这样。
  • The dog sat outside the door whining (to be let in). 那条狗坐在门外狺狺叫着(要进来)。
24 budge eSRy5     
v.移动一点儿;改变立场
参考例句:
  • We tried to lift the rock but it wouldn't budge.我们试图把大石头抬起来,但它连动都没动一下。
  • She wouldn't budge on the issue.她在这个问题上不肯让步。
25 tumor fKxzm     
n.(肿)瘤,肿块(英)tumour
参考例句:
  • He was died of a malignant tumor.他死于恶性肿瘤。
  • The surgeons irradiated the tumor.外科医生用X射线照射那个肿瘤。
26 panorama D4wzE     
n.全景,全景画,全景摄影,全景照片[装置]
参考例句:
  • A vast panorama of the valley lay before us.山谷的广阔全景展现在我们面前。
  • A flourishing and prosperous panorama spread out before our eyes.一派欣欣向荣的景象展现在我们的眼前。
27 crumpled crumpled     
adj. 弯扭的, 变皱的 动词crumple的过去式和过去分词形式
参考例句:
  • She crumpled the letter up into a ball and threw it on the fire. 她把那封信揉成一团扔进了火里。
  • She flattened out the crumpled letter on the desk. 她在写字台上把皱巴巴的信展平。
28 rummaging e9756cfbffcc07d7dc85f4b9eea73897     
翻找,搜寻( rummage的现在分词 ); 海关检查
参考例句:
  • She was rummaging around in her bag for her keys. 她在自己的包里翻来翻去找钥匙。
  • Who's been rummaging through my papers? 谁乱翻我的文件来着?
29 judgments 2a483d435ecb48acb69a6f4c4dd1a836     
判断( judgment的名词复数 ); 鉴定; 评价; 审判
参考例句:
  • A peculiar austerity marked his judgments of modern life. 他对现代生活的批评带着一种特殊的苛刻。
  • He is swift with his judgments. 他判断迅速。
30 smirked e3dfaba83cd6d2a557bf188c3fc000e9     
v.傻笑( smirk的过去分词 )
参考例句:
  • He smirked at Tu Wei-yueh. 他对屠维岳狞笑。 来自子夜部分
  • He smirked in acknowledgement of their uncouth greetings, and sat down. 他皮笑肉不笑地接受了他的粗鲁的招呼,坐了下来。 来自辞典例句
31 embarrassment fj9z8     
n.尴尬;使人为难的人(事物);障碍;窘迫
参考例句:
  • She could have died away with embarrassment.她窘迫得要死。
  • Coughing at a concert can be a real embarrassment.在音乐会上咳嗽真会使人难堪。
32 stash zFmya     
v.藏或贮存于一秘密处所;n.隐藏处
参考例句:
  • Stash away both what you lost and gained,for life continues on.将得失深藏心底吧,为了那未来的生活。
  • That's supposed to be in our private stash.这是我的私人珍藏。


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