Chapter 5

It was midmorning and clouds were creeping in above us. We were in front of Jeanine Chans house, and we were reading her file,

"Not much here," Diesel¹ said. "She's thirty-five. Single. Never been married. No kids. She works at the button fac-tory. File says she has a problem."

Jeanine lived in a single-story, low-rent row house about a quarter mile from my parents' house in the Burg. There were twenty-one units to a block. They were all redbrick. Front doors opened to small stoops that were directly on the sidewalk. Back doors opened to tiny yards that bordered an alley². Two bedrooms, one bath, small eat-in kitchen. No garages. All the units were identical.

I rang the bell twice, the door opened a crack, and Jeanine looked out. "Yes?" she asked.

"We're looking for Jeanine Chan," I said.

"I'm Jeanine."

She was maybe an inch shorter than me. She had brown almond-shaped eyes and shoulder-length dark brown hair.

She was slim and dressed in a gray shapeless sweatshirt and matching sweatpants.

I introduced myself, and then I introduced Diesel.

Jeanine's eyes sort of glazed³ over when she saw Diesel.

"Annie suggested you might have a problem," I said to Jeanine.

"Who, me?" Jeanine said. "Nope. Not me. Everything's just fine. Hope this wasn't too inconvenient⁴. I have to go now." And she slammed and locked the door.

"That was easy," Diesel said.

"We didn't solve her problem."

"So?"

"So you're paying me to close the deal, and that wasn't closing the deal. Besides, I'm starting to like this match-maker thing. It's a challenge."

I rang the bell again. And again.

"Now what?" Jeanine said, opening the door, sticking her head out.

"I thought you might want to reconsider. Are you sure you don't have a problem?"

Jeanine's eyes locked onto Diesel.

"Excuse me a minute while I confer with my associate," I said to Jeanine.

I took Diesel by the arm and walked him down the side-walk to the car.

"It's you," I said to Diesel. "You're making her nervous."

"I have that effect on women," Diesel said, smiling. "It's my animal magnetism⁶."

"No doubt. Wait in the car. I'm going to talk to Jeanine, and I'll be right back."

"Okay, what's the problem?" I said to Jeanine when I closed her front door. "I know there's a problem."

"Annie didn't tell you? Gosh, this is so embarrassing. I don't know how to say this." She sucked in some air and scrunched⁷ her eyes closed.

"Hello? Anybody home?" I said after a minute of Jeanine with her eyes closed tight.

"I'm working myself up to it," Jeanine said.

"Boy this must really be bad."

"It's the worst."

"Murder? Cancer? Chocolate allergy⁸?"

Jeanine blew out a sigh. "I can't get laid."

"That's it?"

"Yes."

"That's not so bad," I said. "I think I can handle that. I just have to find a guy to have sex with you?"

"Pretty much."

"Do you have requirements?" I asked her.

"I used to, but I'm getting desperate. I guess I'd like him to have at least some teeth. And it would be good if he wasn't so fat he smothered⁹ me. That's about it. I got all panicked when I opened the door because I thought maybe Annie sent that Diesel guy over to get the job done. I mean, I wouldn't mind doing it with him, but I might have to work my way up. He doesn't look like something a beginner would want to tackle. Which brings me to the real problem." Jeanine cracked her knuckles¹⁰. "I'm a virgin¹¹."

"Get out!"

"I don't know how this happened. At first I was being careful. I didn't want to do it with just anyone, right? And then all of a sudden I was in my twenties, and it got em-barrassing. I mean, how do you explain being twenty-five years old and never once finding a man who was good enough? And the older I got, the worse it became. It turns out virgins¹² are only popular in high school and harems. No one wants to take responsibility for deflowering a thirty-five-year-old woman."

"Jeez, who would have thought?"

"Yeah, knock me over with a feather. I'm telling you, I've really been trying lately, but I can't get anyone to do it. And now, I've found a man I really like. He's funny and he's kind and he's affectionate. I really think this could turn into something. He might even be the love of my life. Problem is, I have to keep finding excuses not to invite him in… like, my cat is sick, or my mother is visiting, or there's a gas leak."

"All because you can't tell him you're a virgin?"

"Exactly. He'll run for the hills. They always do! God, I hate this stupid virginity. What a dumb idea, anyway. I mean, how the heck am I supposed to get rid of it?"

"Maybe a doctor could help you."

"I thought of that, but that's only part of it." She cracked her knuckles. "I don't know how to do it. I mean, I know where it goes and all, but I don't know the process. Like, do I just lay there? Or am I supposed to do something?"

"Usually you do what feels good."

"What if it doesn't feel good? I'm thirty-five. I'm old to be starting out. What if it was use it or lose it? I need some instruction. Nothing fancy. I'd be happy with the basics. For instance, am I supposed to moan?"

"Men like it, but I find it distracting."

Jeanine was gnawing¹³ on her bottom lip. "I don't think I can moan."

"Are you sure you don't want to just talk this out with the guy you're dating?"

"I'd rather stick a fork in my eye."

"Okay, hang in there, and I'll figure something out."

I left Jeanine and trotted¹⁴ back to Diesel.

"You were in there long enough," Diesel said. "What's her big problem?"

"She's a virgin."

"No kidding?"

"Turns out after a certain age it's not that easy to get rid of your virginity. She said men head for the hills when they find out she's a virgin. Don't want the responsibility of be-ing the first."

"I could see that," Diesel said.

"She thought maybe Annie sent you to do the job."

Diesel grinned. "I could take a crack at it."

I raised an eyebrow¹⁵.

"What?" Diesel said.

"Men."

Diesel grinned wider and ruffled¹⁶ my hair, and I slapped his hand away.

"Just trying to be helpful," Diesel said.

"Jeanine has a boyfriend. She likes him a lot and doesn't want to lose him, but she's afraid he'll split when she tells him she's a virgin."

"So don't tell him," Diesel said. "Let him figure it out for himself after the deed is done."

"That's sort of sneaky."

"You have a problem with sneaky?"

"There's another issue. She feels like she's sort of dumb about the whole thing. Like at thirty-five she should have some technique behind her."

"I imagine you could help her with that one," Diesel said.

"I guess, but I'm not sure I'm all that expert."

"I could test you out and let you know how you score," Diesel said, the grin back in place. "Rate you on a scale of one to ten."

"Now there's an offer every girl dreams about."

Diesel's phone rang, and he took the call.

"Yeah," he said into the phone. "How bad is it?" He lis-tened for a full minute, disconnected, cranked the car over and put it into gear.

"Where are we going?"

"We're going to look for Beaner. He attacked a woman in a diner two blocks from Ernie's Bar. My source said

Beaner went in for breakfast, saw this woman, and went nuts on her because she resembled his wife."

"Jeez. What did he do to her? Is she going to be all right?"

"Shell recover, but it won't be fun." Diesel headed for the center of the city. "I know Beaner is living in the neigh-borhood around Ernie's. I placed him there a week ago, but I can't get a fix on him. I thought we'd go over and walk around. See if I get a vibe."

I looked back at Bob. "It's freezing. I can't leave Bob sit-ting in the cold SUV all afternoon."

Diesel hooked a left at the intersection¹⁷. "We'll drop him off at your apartment. Lock him in your bathroom, so he doesn't eat your couch. Your bathroom is nice and big. He'll be okay."

The neighborhood around Ernie's is a residential¹⁸ and commercial mix. There are office buildings, condo build-ings, brownstones, and small businesses like Ernie's Bar all in a jumble¹⁹. Diesel parked in a lot, and we set out on foot with our collars turned up against the wind and our hands in our pockets to keep warm. We covered a grid²⁰ of blocks a half-mile square, but Beaner didn't register on Diesel's radar²¹.

We ducked into a deli and got sandwiches and coffee for lunch, happy to be out of the cold.

"This isn't working," I said to Diesel. "I vote we do it my human way and canvass²² the street, asking questions."

"I'm human," Diesel said. "I just have a few extra skills."

I finished my sandwich and coffee and stood. "You go north and I'll go south, and we'll meet back here at three o'clock."

I started with the girl at the register in the deli, asking if she'd seen a guy with a raspberry birthmark on his face. Her answer was no. I went to the florist²³ next door, the drugstore, the dry cleaner. No one had seen Beaner. I spoke²⁴ to the doorman at a condo building and the recep-tionist at a high-rise office building. No Beaner. I went four blocks south, stopping people on the street. I crossed the street and worked my way back to the deli. No luck at all.

By the time I met up with Diesel, wind-driven snow was angling down, stinging my face. Snow is picturesque²⁵ in Vermont. In New Jersey²⁶, it's a pain in the ass⁵. It slows traf-fic and makes walking treacherous²⁷. Dogs turn the snow yellow, and cars churn it into brown sludge.

"Any luck?" Diesel asked.

"None. How about you?"

"Zip."

I felt my cell phone buzz. It was Larry Burlew, and I could barely understand what he was saying. He was talk-ing at warp²⁸ speed and stuttering.

"It's n~n-not working," he said. "I don't know what to's-s-say to her. She comes over with coffee whenever I wave, but I don't know what to say. What should I say? I just's-s-say thank you. I thought I could talk to her, but nothing comes out. I d-d-don't think I can drink much more coffee, but I can't stop myself from waving."

"How many cups have you had?"

"I d-d-don't know. I lost count. Twelve or fifteen, I think."

"We're on our way," I told him. "Try to hang in there, and for God's sake, don't drink any more coffee."

1 diesel   

n.柴油发动机，内燃机

参考例句：

• We experimented with diesel engines to drive the pumps.我们试着用柴油机来带动水泵。
• My tractor operates on diesel oil.我的那台拖拉机用柴油开动。

2 alley   

n.小巷，胡同；小径，小路

参考例句：

• We live in the same alley.我们住在同一条小巷里。
• The blind alley ended in a brick wall.这条死胡同的尽头是砖墙。

3 glazed   

adj.光滑的，像玻璃的；上过釉的；呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式)；上釉于，上光；（目光）变得呆滞无神

参考例句：

• eyes glazed with boredom 厌倦无神的眼睛
• His eyes glazed over at the sight of her. 看到她时，他的目光就变得呆滞。 来自《简明英汉词典》

4 inconvenient   

adj.不方便的，令人感到麻烦的

参考例句：

• You have come at a very inconvenient time.你来得最不适时。
• Will it be inconvenient for him to attend that meeting?他参加那次会议会不方便吗？

5 ass   

n.驴；傻瓜，蠢笨的人

参考例句：

• He is not an ass as they make him.他不象大家猜想的那样笨。
• An ass endures his burden but not more than his burden.驴能负重但不能超过它能力所负担的。

6 magnetism   

n.磁性，吸引力，磁学

参考例句：

• We know about magnetism by the way magnets act.我们通过磁铁的作用知道磁性是怎么一回事。
• His success showed his magnetism of courage and devotion.他的成功表现了他的胆量和热诚的魅力。

7 scrunched   

v.发出喀嚓声( scrunch的过去式和过去分词 )；蜷缩；压；挤压

参考例句：

• The snow scrunched underfoot. 雪在脚下发出嘎吱嘎吱的声音。
• He scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it at me. 他把那张纸揉成一个小团，朝我扔过来。 来自《简明英汉词典》

8 allergy   

n.(因食物、药物等而引起的)过敏症

参考例句：

• He developed an allergy to pollen.他对花粉过敏。
• The patient had an allergy to penicillin.该患者对青霉素过敏。

9 smothered   

（使）窒息， （使）透不过气( smother的过去式和过去分词 )； 覆盖； 忍住； 抑制

参考例句：

• He smothered the baby with a pillow. 他用枕头把婴儿闷死了。
• The fire is smothered by ashes. 火被灰闷熄了。

10 knuckles   

n.（指人）指关节( knuckle的名词复数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝v.（指人）指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 )；（指动物）膝关节，踝

参考例句：

• He gripped the wheel until his knuckles whitened. 他紧紧握住方向盘，握得指关节都变白了。
• Her thin hands were twisted by swollen knuckles. 她那双纤手因肿大的指关节而变了形。 来自《简明英汉词典》

11 virgin   

n.处女，未婚女子；adj.未经使用的；未经开发的

参考例句：

• Have you ever been to a virgin forest?你去过原始森林吗？
• There are vast expanses of virgin land in the remote regions.在边远地区有大片大片未开垦的土地。

12 virgins   

处女，童男( virgin的名词复数 )； 童贞玛利亚（耶稣之母）

参考例句：

• They were both virgins when they met and married. 他们从相识到结婚前都未曾经历男女之事。
• Men want virgins as concubines. 人家买姨太太的要整货。 来自汉英文学 - 骆驼祥子

13 gnawing   

a.痛苦的，折磨人的

参考例句：

• The dog was gnawing a bone. 那狗在啃骨头。
• These doubts had been gnawing at him for some time. 这些疑虑已经折磨他一段时间了。

14 trotted   

小跑，急走( trot的过去分词 )； 匆匆忙忙地走

参考例句：

• She trotted her pony around the field. 她骑着小马绕场慢跑。
• Anne trotted obediently beside her mother. 安妮听话地跟在妈妈身边走。

15 eyebrow   

n.眉毛，眉

参考例句：

• Her eyebrow is well penciled.她的眉毛画得很好。
• With an eyebrow raised,he seemed divided between surprise and amusement.他一只眉毛扬了扬，似乎既感到吃惊，又觉有趣。

16 ruffled   

adj. 有褶饰边的, 起皱的 动词ruffle的过去式和过去分词

参考例句：

• She ruffled his hair affectionately. 她情意绵绵地拨弄着他的头发。
• All this talk of a strike has clearly ruffled the management's feathers. 所有这些关于罢工的闲言碎语显然让管理层很不高兴。

17 intersection   

n.交集，十字路口，交叉点；[计算机] 交集

参考例句：

• There is a stop sign at an intersection.在交叉路口处有停车标志。
• Bridges are used to avoid the intersection of a railway and a highway.桥用来避免铁路和公路直接交叉。

18 residential   

adj.提供住宿的；居住的；住宅的

参考例句：

• The mayor inspected the residential section of the city.市长视察了该市的住宅区。
• The residential blocks were integrated with the rest of the college.住宿区与学院其他部分结合在了一起。

19 jumble   

vt.使混乱，混杂；n.混乱；杂乱的一堆

参考例句：

• Even the furniture remained the same jumble that it had always been.甚至家具还是象过去一样杂乱无章。
• The things in the drawer were all in a jumble.抽屉里的东西很杂乱。

20 grid   

n.高压输电线路网；地图坐标方格；格栅

参考例句：

• In this application,the carrier is used to encapsulate the grid.在这种情况下，要用载体把格栅密封起来。
• Modern gauges consist of metal foil in the form of a grid.现代应变仪则由网格形式的金属片组成。

21 radar   

n.雷达，无线电探测器

参考例句：

• They are following the flight of an aircraft by radar.他们正在用雷达追踪一架飞机的飞行。
• Enemy ships were detected on the radar.敌舰的影像已显现在雷达上。

22 canvass   

v.招徕顾客，兜售；游说；详细检查，讨论

参考例句：

• Mr. Airey Neave volunteered to set up an organisation to canvass votes.艾雷·尼夫先生自告奋勇建立了一个拉票组织。
• I will canvass the floors before I start painting the walls.开始粉刷墙壁之前，我会详细检查地板。

23 florist   

n.花商；种花者

参考例句：

• The florist bunched the flowers up.花匠把花捆成花束。
• Could you stop at that florist shop over there?劳驾在那边花店停一下好不好？

24 spoke   

n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说

参考例句：

• They sourced the spoke nuts from our company.他们的轮辐螺帽是从我们公司获得的。
• The spokes of a wheel are the bars that connect the outer ring to the centre.辐条是轮子上连接外圈与中心的条棒。

25 picturesque   

adj.美丽如画的，（语言）生动的，绘声绘色的

参考例句：

• You can see the picturesque shores beside the river.在河边你可以看到景色如画的两岸。
• That was a picturesque phrase.那是一个形象化的说法。

26 jersey   

n.运动衫

参考例句：

• He wears a cotton jersey when he plays football.他穿运动衫踢足球。
• They were dressed alike in blue jersey and knickers.他们穿着一致，都是蓝色的运动衫和灯笼短裤。

27 treacherous   

adj.不可靠的，有暗藏的危险的；adj.背叛的，背信弃义的

参考例句：

• The surface water made the road treacherous for drivers.路面的积水对驾车者构成危险。
• The frozen snow was treacherous to walk on.在冻雪上行走有潜在危险。

28 warp   

vt.弄歪，使翘曲，使不正常，歪曲，使有偏见

参考例句：

• The damp wood began to warp.这块潮湿的木材有些翘曲了。
• A steel girder may warp in a fire.钢梁遇火会变弯。