Nelson is scheduled to return from rehab the same day that the second U.S. Congressman1 in two weeks, a white Republican this time, is killed in a plane crash. One in Ethiopia, one in Louisiana; one a former Black Panther, and this one a former sheriff. You don't think of being a politician as being such a hazardous2 profession; but it makes you fly. Pru drives to get her husband at the halfway3 house in North Philadelphia while Janice babysits. Soon after they arrive, Janice comes home to Penn Park. "I thought they should be alone with each other, the four of them," she explains to Harry4.
"How did he seem?"
She thoughtfully touches her upper lip with the tip of her tongue. "He seemed . . . serious. Very focused and calm. Not at all jittery5 like he was. I don't know how much Pru told him about Toyota withdrawing the franchise6 and the hundred forty?five thousand you promised we'd pay so soon. I didn't want to fling it at him right off the bat."
"What did you say, then?"
"I said he looked wonderful ? he looks a little heavy, actually ? and told him you and I were very proud of him for sticking it out."
"Huh. Did he ask about me? My health?"
"Not exactly, Harry ? but he knows we'd have said something if anything more was wrong with you. He seemed mostly inter-ested in the children. It was really very touching7 ? he took them both off with him into the room where Mother used to have all the plants, what we called the sun parlor8, and apologized for hav-ing been a bad father to them and explained about the drugs and how he had been to a place where they taught him how to never take drugs again."
"Did he apologize to you for having been a bad son? To Pru for being a crappy husband?"
"I have no idea what he and Pru said to each other ? they had hours in the car together, the traffic around Philadelphia is getting worse and worse, what with all the work on the Expressway. All the roads and bridges are falling apart at once."
"He didn't ask about me at all?"
"He did, of course he did, honey. You and I are supposed to go over there for dinner tomorrow night."
"Oh. So I can admire the drugless wonder. Great."
"You mustn't talk like that. He needs all of our support. Returning to your milieu9 is the hardest part of recovery."
"Milieu, huh? So that's what we are."
"That's what they call it. He's going to have to stay away from that druggy young people's crowd that meets at the Laid?Back. So his immediate10 family must work very hard to fill in the gap."
"Oh my God, don't sound so fucking goody?goody," he says. Resentment11 churns within him. He resents Nelson's getting all this attention for being a prodigal12 son. He resents Janice's learning new words and pushing outward into new fields, away from him. He resents the fact that the world is so full of debt and nobody has to pay ? not Mexico or Brazil, not the sleazy S and L banks, not Nelson. Rabbit never had much use for old?fashioned ethics13 but their dissolution eats at him.
The night and the next day pass, in bed and at the lot. He tells Benny and Elvira that Nelson is back and he looked fat to his mother but didn't announce any plans. Elvira has received a call from Rudy Krauss asking if she wanted to come over to Route 422 and sell for him. A Mr. Shimada spoke14 very highly of her. Also she hears that Jake is leaving the Volvo?Olds in Oriole and head-ing up a Lexus agency toward Pottstown. For now though she would rather hang loose here and see what Nelson has in mind. Benny's been asking around at other agencies and isn't too wor-ried. "What happens happens, you know what I mean? As long as I got my health and my family ? those are my priorities." Harry has asked them not to tell anyone in Service yet about Mr. Shimada's surprise attack. He feels increasingly detached; as he walks the plastic?tiled display floor, his head seems to float above it as dizzily high as his top?hatted head above the pitted, striped asphalt that day of the parade. He is growing. He drives home, catches the beginning of Brokaw on 10 (he may have a kind of hare lip, but at least he doesn't say "aboot") before Janice insists he get back in the Celica with her and drive across Brewer15 to Mt. Judge for the zillionth time in his life.
Nelson has shaved his mustache and taken off his earring16. His face has a playground tan and he does look plump. His upper lip, exposed again, seems long and pufy and bulging17 outward, like Ma Springer's used to. That's who it turns out he resembles; she had a tight stuffed?skin sausage look that Harry can see now developing in Nelson. The boy moves with a certain old?lady stiffness, as if the rehab has squeezed the drugs and the jitters18 out of him but also his natural nervous quickness. For the first time, he seems to his father middle?aged19, and his thinning hair and patches of exposed scalp part of him and not just a condition that will heal. He reminds Harry of a minister, a slightly sleek20 and portly representative of some no?name sect21 like that lamebrain who buried Thelma. A certain acquired formality extends to his clothes: though the evening is seasonably humid and warm, he wears a striped necktie with a white shirt, making Harry feel falsely youthful in his soft?collared polo shirt with the Flying Eagle emblem22.
Nelson met his parents at the door and after embracing his mother attempted to do the same with his father, awkwardly wrapping both arms around the much taller man and pulling him down to rub scratchy cheeks. Harry was taken by surprise and not pleased: the embrace felt showy and queer and forced, the kind of thing these TV evangelists tell you to do to one another, before they run off screen and get their secretaries to lay them. He and Nelson have hardly touched since the boy's age hit double digits23. Some kind of reconciliation24 or amends25 was no doubt intended but to Harry it felt like a rite26 his son has learned elsewhere and that has nothing to do with being an Angstrom.
Pru in her turn seems bewildered by suddenly having a minister for a husband; when Harry bends down expecting the soft warn push of her lips on his, he gets instead her dry cheek, averted27 with a fearful quickness. He is hurt but can't believe he has done anything wrong. Since their episode that wild and windy night, the silence from her side has indicated a wish to pretend it never happened, and with his silence he has indicated that he is willing. He hasn't the strength any more, the excess vitality28, for an affair ? its danger, its demand performances, the secrecy29 added like a filigree30 to your normal life, your gnawing31 preoccupation with it and with the constant threat of its being discovered and ended. He can't bear to think of Nelson's knowing, whereas Ronnie's knowing he didn't much mind. He even enjoyed it, like a sharp elbow given under the basket. Thelma and he had been two of a kind, each able to gauge32 the risks and benefits, able to construct together a stolen space in which they could feel free for an hour, free of everything but each other. Within your own generation ? the same songs, the same wars, the same attitudes toward those wars, the same rules and radio shows in the air ? you can gauge the possibilities and impossibilities. With a person of another generation, you are treading water, playing with fire. So he doesn't like to feel even this small alteration33 in Pru's temperature, this coolness like a rebuke34.
The children eat with them, Judy and Harry on one side of the Springers' mahogany dining?room table, set as if for a holiday, Janice and Roy on the other, Pru and Nelson at the heads. Nelson offers grace; he makes them all hold hands and shut their eyes and after they're ready to scream with embarrassment35 pronounces the words, "Peace. Health. Sanity36. Love."
"Amen," says Pru, sounding scared.
Judy can't stop staring up at Harry, to see what he makes of it. "Nice," he tells his son. "That something you learned at the detox place?"
"Not detox, Dad, rehab."
"Whatever it was, it was full of religion?"
"You got to admit you're powerless and dependent on a higher power, that's the first principle of AA and NA."
"As I remember it, you didn't use to go much for any higherpower stuff."
"I didn't, and still don't, in the form that orthodox religion presents it in. All you have to believe in is a power greater than ourselves ? God as we understand Him."
Everything sounds so definite and pat, Harry has to fight the temptation to argue. "No, great," he says. "Anything that gets you through the night, as Sinatra says." Mim had quoted that to him once. In this Springer house tonight Harry feels a huge and regretful distance from Mim and Mom and Pop and all that sunken God?fearing Jackson Road Thirties?Forties world.
"You used to believe a lot of that stuff," Nelson tells him.
"I did. I do," Rabbit says, annoying the kid, he knows, with his amiability37. But he has to add, "Hallelujah. When they stuck that catheter into my heart, I saw the light."
Nelson announces, "They tell you at the center that there'll be people who mock you for going straight, but they don't say one of them will be your own father."
"I'm not mocking anything. Jesus. Have all the peace and love and sanity you want. I'm all for it. We're all all for it. Right, Roy?"
The little boy stares angrily at being suddenly singled out. His loose wet lower lip begins to tremble; he turns his face toward his mother's side. Pru tells Harry, in a soft directed voice in which he does sense a certain mist of acknowledgment, of rain splashing at a screened window, "Roy's been very upset, readjusting to Nelson's coming back."
"I know how he feels," Harry says. "We'd all gotten used to his not being around."
Nelson looks toward Janice in protest and appeal and she says, "Nelson, tell us about the counselling work you did," in the fake tone of one who has already heard about it.
As Nelson speaks, he sits with a curious tranquillized stillness; Harry is used to the kid, from little on up, being full of nervous elusive38 twitches39, that yet had something friendly and hopeful about them. "Mostly," he says, "you just listen, and let them work it out through their own verbalization. You don't have to say much, just show you're willing to wait, and listen. The most hardened street kids eventually open up. Once in a while you have to remind them you've been there yourself, so their war stones don't impress you. A lot have been dealers40, and when they start bragging41 how much money they made all you have to do is ask, `Where is it now?' They don't have it," Nelson tells the listening table, his own staring children. "They blew it."
"Speaking of blowing it -" Harry begins.
Nelson overrides42 him with his steady?voiced sermon. "You try to get them to see themselves that they are addicts44, that they weren't outsmarting anybody. The realization45 has to come from them, from within, it's not something they can accept imposed on them by you. Your job is to listen; it's your silence, mostly, that leads them past their own internal traps. You start talking, they start resisting. It takes patience, and faith. Faith that the process will work. And it does. It invariably does. It's thrilling to see it happen, again and again. People want to be helped. They know things are wrong."
Harry still wants to speak but Janice intercedes46 by telling him, loudly for their audience at the table, "One of Nelson's ideas about the lot is to make it a treatment center. Brewer doesn't have anything like the facilities it needs to cope with the problem. The drug problem."
"That's the absolutely dumbest idea I've ever heard," Harry says promptly47. "Where's the money in it? You're dealing48 with people who have no money, they've blown it all for drugs."
Nelson is goaded49 into sounding a bit more like his old self. He whines50, "There's grant money, Dad. Federal money. State. Even do?nothing Bush admits we got to do something."
"You've got twenty employees you've fucked up over there at the lot, and most of'em have families. What happens to the mechanics in Service? What about your sales reps ? poor little Elvira?"
"They can get other jobs. It's not the end of the world. People don't stick with jobs the way your scared generation did."
"Yeah, scared ? with your generation on the loose we got reason to be scared. How would you ever turn that cement?block shed over there into a hospital?"
"It wouldn't be a hospital -"
"You're already one hundred fifty thousand in the hole to Toyota Inc. and two weeks to pay it off in. Not to mention the seventy?five grand you owe Brewer Trust."
"Those purchases in Slims name, the cars never left the lot, so there's really no -"
"Not to mention the used you sold for cash you put in your own pocket."
"Harry," Janice says, gesturing toward their audience of listening children. "This isn't the place."
"There is no place where I can get a handle on what this lousy kid has done! Over two hundred thousand fucking shekels - where's it going to come from?" Sparks of pain flicker51 beneath the muscles of his chest, he feels a dizziness in which the faces at the table float as in a sickening soup. Bad sensations have been worsening lately; it's been over three months since that angioplasty opened his LAD. Dr. Breit warned that restenosis often sets in after three months.
Janice is saying, "But he's learned so much, Harry. He's so much wiser. It's as if we sent him to graduate school with the money."
"School, all this school! What's so great about school all of a sudden? School's just another rip?off. All it teaches you is how to rip off dopes that haven't been to school yet!"
"I don't want to go back to school," Judy pipes up. "Everybody there is stuck?up. Everybody says the fourth grade is hard."
"I don't mean your school, honey." Rabbit can hardly breathe; his chest feels full of bits of Styrofoam that won't dissolve. He must get himself unaggravated.
From the head of the table Nelson radiates calm and solidity. "Dad, I was an addict43. I admit it," he says. "I was doing crack, and a run of that gets to be expensive. You're afraid to crash, and need a fresh hit every twenty minutes. If you go all night, you can run through thousands. But that money I stole didn't all go to my habit. Lyle needed big money for some experimental stuff the FDA jerks are sitting on and has to be smuggled52 in from Europe and Mexico."
"Lyle," Harry says with satisfaction. "How is the old computer whiz?"
"He seems to be holding his own for the time being."
"He'll outlive me," Harry says, as a joke, but the real possibility of it stabs him like an icicle. "So Springer Motors," he goes on, trying to get a handle on it, "went up in coke and pills for a queer." How queer, he wonders, staring at his middle?aged, fattened53?up, rehabilitated54 son, is the kid? Pru's answer to that had never quite satisfied him. If Nelson wasn't queer, how come she let Harry ball her? A lot of pent?up hunger there, her coming twice like that.
Nelson tells him, in that aggravating55 tranquillized nothingcan?touch?me tone, "You get too excited, Dad, about what really isn't, in this day and age, an awful lot of money. You have this Depression thing about the dollar. There's nothing holy about the dollar, it's just a unit of measurement."
"Oh. Thanks for explaining that. What a relief."
"As to Toyota, it's no big loss. The company's been stale for years, in my opinion. Look at their TV ads for the Lexus compared with Nissan's for the Infiniti: there's no comparison. Infiniti's are fantastic, there's no car in them, just birds and trees, they're selling a concept. Toyota's selling another load of tin. Don't be so fixated about Toyota. Springer Motors is still there," Nelson states. "The company still has assets. Mom and I are working it out, how to deploy56 them."
"Good luck," Harry says, rolling up his napkin and reinserting it in its ring, a child's ring of some clear substance filled with tiny needles of varied57 color. "In our thirty?three years of marriage your mother hasn't been able to deploy the ingredients of a decent meal on the table, but maybe she'll learn. Maybe Mr. Lister'll teach her how to deploy. Pru, that was a lovely meal. Excuse the conversation. You really have a way with fish. Loved those little spicy58 like peas on top." As he shakes out a Nitrostat from the small bottle he carries everywhere, he sees his hands trembling in a new way not just a tremor59, but jumping, as if with thoughts all their own, that they aren't sharing with him.
"Capers," Pru says softly.
"Harry, Nelson is coming back to the lot tomorrow," Janice says.
"Great. That's another relief."
"I wanted to say, Dad, thanks for filling in. The summer stat sheets look pretty good, considering."
"Considering? We pulled off a miracle over there. That Elvira is dynamite60. As I guess you know. This Jap that gave us the ax wants to hire her for Rudy over on 422. The inventory61 is being shifted to his lot." He turns to Janice and says, "I can't believe you're putting this loser back in charge."
Janice says, in the calm tone everybody at the table is acquiring, as if to humor a madman, "He's not a loser. He's your son and he's a new person. We can't deny him a chance."
In a voice more wifely than Janice's, Pru adds, "He really has changed, Harry."
"A day at a time," Nelson recites, "with the help of a higher power. Once you accept that help, Dad, it's amazing how nothing gets you down. All these years, I think I've been seriously depressed62; everything seemed too much. Now I just put it all in God's hands, roll over, and go to sleep. You have to keep up the program, of course. There're local meetings, and I drive down to Philly once a week to see my therapist and check on some of my old kids. I love counselling." He turns to his mother and smiles. "I love it, and it loves me."
Harry asks him, "These druggy kids you deal with, they all black?"
"Not all. After a while you don't even see that any more. White or black, they have the same basic problem. Low selfesteem."
Such knowingness, such induced calm and steadiness and virtue63: it makes Rabbit feel claustrophobic. He turns to his granddaughter, looking for an opening, a glint, a ray of undoctored light. He asks her, "What do you make of all this, Judy?"
The child's face wears a glaze64 of perfection ? perfect straight teeth, perfectly65 spaced lashes66, narrow gleams in her green eyes and along the strands67 of her hair. Nature is trying to come up with another winner. "I like having Daddy back," she says, "and not so crazy. He's more responsible." Again, he feels that words are being recited, learned at a rehearsal68 he wasn't invited to attend. But how can he wish anything for this child but the father she needs?
Out on the curb69, he asks Janice to drive the Celica, though it means adjusting the seat and the mirrors. Heading back around the mountain, he asks her, "You really don't want me back at the lot?" He looks down at his hands. Their jumping has subsided70 but is still fascinating.
"I think for now, Harry. Let's give Nelson the space. He's trying so hard."
"He's full of AA bullshit."
"It's not bullshit if you need it to live a normal life."
"He doesn't look like himself."
"He will as you get used to him."
"He reminds me of your mother. She was always laying down the law."
"Everybody knows he looks just like you. Only not as tall, and he has my eyes."
The park, its shadowy walks, its decrepit71 tennis courts, its memorial tank that will never fire another shot. You can't see these things so clearly when you're driving. They go by like museum exhibits whose labels have all peeled off. He tries to climb out of his trapped and angry mood. "Sorry if I sounded ugly at dinner, in front of the grandchildren."
"We were prepared for much worse," she says serenely72.
"I didn't mean to bring up the money or any of that stuff at all. But somebody has to. You're in real trouble."
"I know," Janice says, letting the streetlights of upper Weiser wash over her ?her stubborn blunt?nosed profile, her little hands tight on the steering73 wheel, the diamond?and?sapphire74 ring she inherited from her mother. "But you have to have faith. You've taught me that."
"I have?" He is pleasantly surprised, to think that in thirty?three years he has taught her anything. "Faith in what?"
"In us. In life," she says. "Another reason I think you should stay away from the lot now, you've been looking tired. Have you been losing weight?"
"A couple pounds. Isn't that good? Isn't that what the hell I'm supposed to be doing?"
"It depends on how you do it," Janice says, so annoyingly full of new information, new presumption75. She reaches over and gives his inner upper thigh76, right where they inserted the catheter and he could have bled to death, a squeeze. "We'll be fine," she lies.
收听单词发音 |
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Congressman
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| n.（美）国会议员 | |
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hazardous
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| adj.(有)危险的，冒险的；碰运气的 | |
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halfway
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| adj.中途的，不彻底的，部分的；adv.半路地，在中途，在半途 | |
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harry
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| vt.掠夺，蹂躏，使苦恼 | |
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jittery
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| adj. 神经过敏的, 战战兢兢的 | |
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franchise
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| n.特许，特权，专营权，特许权 | |
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touching
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| adj.动人的，使人感伤的 | |
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parlor
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milieu
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| n.环境；出身背景；(个人所处的)社会环境 | |
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immediate
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resentment
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prodigal
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ethics
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| n.伦理学；伦理观，道德标准 | |
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spoke
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| n.（车轮的）辐条；轮辐；破坏某人的计划；阻挠某人的行动 v.讲，谈（speak的过去式）；说；演说；从某种观点来说 | |
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brewer
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| n. 啤酒制造者 | |
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earring
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bulging
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| 膨胀； 凸出（部）； 打气； 折皱 | |
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jitters
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aged
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sleek
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sect
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emblem
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digits
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| n.数字( digit的名词复数 )；手指，足趾 | |
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reconciliation
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amends
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rite
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averted
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| 防止，避免( avert的过去式和过去分词 )； 转移 | |
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vitality
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secrecy
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filigree
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gnawing
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| a.痛苦的，折磨人的 | |
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gauge
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| v.精确计量；估计；n.标准度量；计量器 | |
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alteration
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| n.变更，改变；蚀变 | |
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rebuke
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| v.指责，非难，斥责 [反]praise | |
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embarrassment
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| n.尴尬；使人为难的人(事物)；障碍；窘迫 | |
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sanity
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| n.心智健全，神智正常，判断正确 | |
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amiability
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| n.和蔼可亲的，亲切的，友善的 | |
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elusive
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twitches
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dealers
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bragging
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| v.自夸，吹嘘( brag的现在分词 )；大话 | |
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overrides
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| 越控( override的第三人称单数 )； （以权力）否决； 优先于； 比…更重要 | |
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addict
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| v.使沉溺；使上瘾；n.沉溺于不良嗜好的人 | |
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addicts
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| 有…瘾的人( addict的名词复数 )； 入迷的人 | |
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realization
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| n.实现；认识到，深刻了解 | |
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intercedes
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| v.斡旋，调解( intercede的第三人称单数 )；说情 | |
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promptly
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| adv.及时地，敏捷地 | |
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dealing
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| n.经商方法，待人态度 | |
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goaded
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| v.刺激( goad的过去式和过去分词 )；激励；（用尖棒）驱赶；驱使（或怂恿、刺激）某人 | |
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whines
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| n.悲嗥声( whine的名词复数 )；哀鸣者v.哀号( whine的第三人称单数 )；哀诉，诉怨 | |
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flicker
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| vi./n.闪烁，摇曳，闪现 | |
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smuggled
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| 水货 | |
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fattened
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| v.喂肥( fatten的过去式和过去分词 )；养肥（牲畜）；使（钱）增多；使（公司）升值 | |
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rehabilitated
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| 改造（罪犯等）( rehabilitate的过去式和过去分词 )； 使恢复正常生活； 使恢复原状； 修复 | |
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aggravating
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| adj.恼人的，讨厌的 | |
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deploy
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| v.（军）散开成战斗队形，布置，展开 | |
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varied
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| adj.多样的，多变化的 | |
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spicy
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| adj.加香料的；辛辣的，有风味的 | |
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tremor
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| n.震动，颤动，战栗，兴奋，地震 | |
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dynamite
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| n./vt.(用)炸药(爆破) | |
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inventory
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| n.详细目录，存货清单 | |
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depressed
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| adj.沮丧的，抑郁的，不景气的，萧条的 | |
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virtue
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| n.德行，美德；贞操；优点；功效，效力 | |
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glaze
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| v.因疲倦、疲劳等指眼睛变得呆滞，毫无表情 | |
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perfectly
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| adv.完美地，无可非议地，彻底地 | |
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lashes
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| n.鞭挞( lash的名词复数 )；鞭子；突然猛烈的一击；急速挥动v.鞭打( lash的第三人称单数 )；煽动；紧系；怒斥 | |
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strands
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| n.（线、绳、金属线、毛发等的）股( strand的名词复数 )；缕；海洋、湖或河的)岸；（观点、计划、故事等的）部份v.使滞留，使搁浅( strand的第三人称单数 ) | |
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rehearsal
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| n.排练，排演；练习 | |
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curb
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| n.场外证券市场，场外交易；vt.制止，抑制 | |
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subsided
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| v.（土地）下陷（因在地下采矿）( subside的过去式和过去分词 )；减弱；下降至较低或正常水平；一下子坐在椅子等上 | |
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decrepit
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| adj.衰老的，破旧的 | |
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serenely
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| adv.安详地，宁静地，平静地 | |
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steering
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| n.操舵装置 | |
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sapphire
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| n.青玉，蓝宝石；adj.天蓝色的 | |
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presumption
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| n.推测，可能性，冒昧，放肆，[法律]推定 | |
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thigh
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| n.大腿；股骨 | |
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