"We've been raped1, we've been raped!"
? BACKGROUND VOICE ABOARD SOYUZ 5
ONE DAY in September Rabbit comes home from work to find another man in the house. The man is a Negro. "What the hell," Rabbit says, standing2 in the front hall beside the three chime tubes.
"Hell, man, it's revolution, right?" the young black says, not rising from the mossy brown armchair. His glasses flash two silver circles; his goatee is a smudge in shadow. He has let his hair grow out so much, into such a big ball, that Rabbit didn't recognize him at first.
Jill rises, quick as smoke, from the chair with the silver threads. "You remember Skeeter?"
"How could I forget him?" He goes forward a step, his hand lifted ready to be shaken, the palm tingling3 with fear; but since Skeeter makes no move to rise, he lets it drop back to his side, unsullied.
Skeeter studies the dropped white hand, exhaling4 smoke from a cigarette. It is a real cigarette, tobacco. "I like it," Skeeter says. "I like your hostility5, Chuck. As we used to say in Nam, it is my meat."
"Skeeter and I were just talking," Jill says; her voice has changed, it is more afraid, more adult. "Don't I have any rights?"
Rabbit speaks to Skeeter. "I thought you were in jail or something."
"He is out on bail6," Jill says, too hastily.
"Let him speak for himself."
Wearily Skeeter corrects her. "To be precise, I am way out on bail. I have jumped the blessed thing. I am, as they would say, desired by the local swine. I have become one hot item, right?"
"It would have been two years," Jill says. "Two years for nothing, for not hurting anybody, not stealing anything, for nothing, Harry7."
"Did Babe jump bail too?"
"Babe is a lady," Skeeter goes on in this tone of weary mincing8 precision. "She makes friends easy, right? I have no friends. I am known far and wide for my lack of sympathetic qualities." His voice changes, becomes falsetto, cringing9. "Ali is one baad niggeh." He has many voices, Rabbit remembers, and none of them exactly his.
Rabbit tells him, "They'll catch you sooner or later. Jumping bail makes it much worse. Maybe you would have gotten off with a suspended sentence."
"I have one of those. Officialdom gets bored with handing them out, right?"
"How about your being a Vietnam veteran?"
"How about it? I am also black and unemployed10 and surly, right? I seek to undermine the state, and Of Massah State, he cottons on."
Rabbit contemplates11 the set of shadows in the old armchair, trying to feel his way. The chair has been with them ever since their marriage, it comes from the Springers' attic12. This nightmare must pass. He says, "You talk a cool game, but I think you panicked, boy."
"Don't boy me."
Rabbit is startled; he had meant it neutrally, one outlaw13 to another. He tries to amend14: "You're just hurting yourself. Go turn yourself in, say you never meant to jump."
Skeeter stretches luxuriously15 in the chair, yawns, inhales16 and exhales17. "It dawns upon me," he says, "that you have a white gentleman's concept of the police and their exemplary works. There is nothing, let me repeat no thing, that gives them more pleasurable sensations than pulling the wings off of witless poor black men. First the fingernails, then the wings. Truly, they are constituted for that very sacred purpose. To keep me off your back and under your smelly feet, right?"
"This isn't the South," Rabbit says.
"Hee?yah! Friend Chuck, have you ever considered conning18 for po?litical office, there can't be a county clerk left who believes the sweet things you do. The news is, the South is everywhere. We are fifty miles from the Mason?Dixon line where we sit, but way up in Detroit they are shooting nigger boys like catfish19 in a barrel. The news is, the cotton is in. Lynching season is on. In these Benighted20 States, everybody's done become a cracker21." A brown hand delicately gestures from the shadows, then droops22. "Forgive me, Chuck. This is just too simple for me to explain. Read the papers."
"I do. You're crazy."
Jill horns in. "The System is rotten, Harry. The laws are written to protect a tiny elite24."
"Like people who own boats in Stonington," he says.
"Score one," Skeeter calls, "right?"
Jill flares25. "What of it, I ran away from it, I reject it, I shit on it, Harry, where you're still loving it, you're eating it, you're eating my shit. My father's. Everybody's. Don't you see how you're used?"
"So now you want to use me. For him."
She freezes, white. Her lips thin to nothing. "Yes."
"You're crazy. I'd be risking jail too."
"Harry, just a few nights, until he can hustle26 up a stake. He has family in Memphis, he'll go there. Skeeter, right?"
"Right, sugar. Oh so right."
"It isn't just the pot bust27, the pigs think he's a dealer28, they say he pushes, they'll crucify him. Harry. They will."
Skeeter softly croons the start of "That Old Rugged29 Cross."
"Well, does he? Push."
Skeeter grins under his great ball of hair. "What can I get for you, Chuck? Goof30 balls, jolly beans, red devils, purple hearts. They have so much Panama Red in Philly right now they're feeding it to cows. Or want to sniff31 a little scag for a real rush?" From the gloom of the chair he extends his pale palms cupped as if heaped with shining poison.
So he is evil. Rabbit in his childhood used to lift, out of the same curiosity that made him put his finger into his belly32?button and then sniff it, the metal waffle?patterned lid on the back yard cesspool, around the corner of the garage from the basketball hoop33. Now this black man opens up under him in the same way: a pit of scummed stench impossible to see to the bottom of.
Harry turns and asks Jill, "Why are you doing this to me?"
She turns her head, gives him that long?chinned profile, a dime's worth. "I was stupid," she says, "to think you might trust me. You shouldn't have said you loved me."
Skeeter hums "True Love," the old Crosby??Grace Kelly single.
Rabbit re?asks, "Why?"
Skeeter rises from the chair. ` Jesus deliver me from puking uptight34 honky lovers. She's doing it because I been screwing her all afternoon, right? If I go, she comes with me, hey Jill honey, right?"
She says, again thin?upped, "Right."
Skeeter tells her, "I wouldn't take you on a bet, you poor cock?happy bitch. Skeeter splits alone." To Rabbit he says, "Toodle?oo, Chuck. Goddam green pickles35, but it's been fun to watch you squirm." Standing, Skeeter seems frail36, shabby in blue Levis and a colorless little Army windbreaker from which the insignia have been unstitched. His ball of hair has shrank his face.
"Toodle?oo," Rabbit agrees, with relief in his bowels37, and turns his back.
Skeeter declines to go so simply. He steps closer, he smells spicy38. He says, "Throw me out. I want you to touch me."
"I don't want to."
"Do it.
"I don't want to fight you."
"I screwed your bitch."
"Her decision."
"And a lousy little cunt she was, too. Like putting your prick39 in a vise."
"Hear him, Jill?"
"Hey. Rabbit. That's what they used to call you, right? Your mamma's a whore, right? She goes down on old black winos behind the railroad station for fifty cents, right? If they don't have fifty cents she does it free because she likes it, right?"
Remote Mom. The guilty scent41 of her room, medicine, bedwarmth. Of all those years when she was well he can only remember her big bones bent42 above the kitchen table with its four worn places; she is not sitting down, she has already eaten, she is feeding him supper, he has come home from practice late, it is after dark, the windows are glazed43 from within.
"Your daddy's a queer, right? You must be too to take all this shit. Your wife couldn't stand living with a queer, it was like being balled by a mouse, right? You're a mouse down there, hey, ain't that right, gimme a feel." He reaches and Rabbit bats his hand away. Skeeter dances, delighted. "Nothin' there, right? Hey. Rabbit. Jill says you believe in God. I got news for you. Your God's a pansy. Your white God's queerer than the Queen of Spades. He sucks off the Holy Ghost and makes his son watch. Hey. Chuck. Another thing. Ain't no Jesus. He was a faggot crook44, right? They bribed45 the Romans to get his carcass out of the tomb 'cause it smelled so bad, right?"
"All you're showing me," Rabbit says, "is how crazy you are." But a creeping sweetness, rage, is filling him solid. Sunday school images ? a dead man whiter than lilies, the lavender rocks where he was betrayed by a kiss ? are being revived in him.
Skeeter dances on, he is wearing big creased46 Army boots. He bumps Harry's shoulder, tugs47 the sleeve of his white shirt. "Hey. Wanna know how I know? Wanna know? Hey. I'm the real Jesus. I am the black Jesus, right? There is none other, no. When I fart, lightning flashes, right? Angels scoop48 it up in shovels49 of zillioncarat gold. Right? Kneel down, Chuck. Worship me. I am Jesus. Kiss my balls ? they are the sun and the moon, and my pecker's a comet whose head is the white?hot heart of the glory that never does fail!" And, his head rolling like a puppet's, Skeeter unzips his fly and prepares to display this wonder.
Rabbit's time has come. He is packed so solid with anger and fear he is seeing with his pores. He wades51 toward the boy deliciously and feels his fists vanish, one in the region of the belly, the other below the throat. He is scared of the head, whose glasses might shatter and slash52. Skeeter curls up and drops to the floor dry as a scorpion53 and when Rabbit pries54 at him he has no opening, just abrasive55 angles shaking like a sandpaper machine. Rabbit's hands start to hurt. He wants to pry56 this creature open because there is a soft spot where he can be split and killed; the curved back is too tough, though knuckles57 slammed at the hole of the ear do produce a garbled58 whimper.
Jill is screaming and with her whole weight pulling the tail of his shirt and in the ebb59 of his sweetness Rabbit discovers his hands and forearms somehow clawed. His enemy is cringing on the floor, the carpet that cost them eleven dollars a yard and was supposed to wear longer than the softer loop for fifteen that Janice wanted (she always said it reminded her of the stuff they use in miniature golf courses), cringing expertly, knees tucked under chin and hands over head and head tucked under the sofa as far as it will go. His Levis are rumpled60 up and it shocks Rabbit to see how skinny his calves61 and ankles are, iridescent62 dark spindles. Humans made of a new material. Last longer, wear more evenly. And Jill is sobbing63, "Harry, no more, no more," and the door chime is saying its three syllables65 over and over, a scale that can't get anywhere, that can't get over the top.
The door pops open. Nelson is there, in his spiffy new school clothes, fishbone?striped sport shirt and canary?yellow slacks. Billy Fosnacht is behind him, a hairy head taller. "Hey," Skeeter says from the floor, "it's Babychuck, right?"
"Is he a burglar, Dad?"
"We could hear the furniture being smashed and everything," Billy says. "We didn't know what to do."
Nelson says, "We thought if we kept ringing the bell it would stop."
Jill tells him, "Your father lost all control of himself."
Rabbit asks, "Why should I always be the one to have control of myself?"
Getting up as if from a bin64 of dust, one careful limb at a time, Skeeter says, "That was to get us acquainted, Chuck. Next time I'll have a gun."
Rabbit taunts67, "I thought at least I'd see some nice karate68 chops from basic training."
"Afraid to use 'em. Break you in two, right?"
"Daddy, who is he?"
"He's a friend of Jill's called Skeeter. He's going to stay here a couple days."
"He is?"
Jill's voice has asked.
Rabbit sifts69 himself for the reason. Small scraped places smart on his knuckles; overstimulation has left a residue70 of nausea71; he notices through the haze72 that still softly rotates around him that the end table was upset and that the lamp whose base is driftwood lies on the carpet awry73 but not smashed. The patient fidelity74 of these things bewilders him. "Sure," he says. "Why not?"
Skeeter studies him from the sofa, where he sits bent over, nursing the punch to his stomach. "Feeling guilty, huh Chuck? A little tokenism to wash your sins away, right?"
"Skeeter, he's being generous," Jill scolds.
"Get one thing straight, Chuck. No gratitude75. Anything you do, do for selfish reasons."
"Right. The kicks I get in pounding you around." But in fact he is terrified at having taken this man in. He will have to sleep with him in the house. The tint76 of night, Skeeter will sneak77 to his side with a knife shining like the moon. He will get the gun as he has promised. FUGITIVE78 FROM JUSTICE HOLDS FAMILY AT GUNPOINT. Mayor Vows79, No Deals. Why has he invited this danger? To get Janice to rescue him. These thoughts flit by in a flash. Nelson has taken a step toward the black man. His eyes are sunk in their sockets80 with seriousness. Wait, wait. He is poison, he is murder, he is black.
"Hi," Nelson says, and holds out his hand.
Skeeter puts his skinny fingers, four gray crayons, as thick at the tips as in the middle, in the child's hand and says, "Hi there, Babychuck." He nods over Nelson's shoulder toward Billy Fosnacht. "Who's your gruesome friend?"
And everybody, everybody laughs, even Billy, even Skeeter contributes a cackle, at this unexpected illumination, that Billy is gruesome, with his father's skinny neck and big ears and a hint of his mother's mooncalf eyes and the livid festerings of adolescence81 speckling his cheeks and chin. Their laughter makes a second wave to reassure82 him they are not laughing at him, they are laughing in relief at the gift of truth, they are rejoicing in brotherhood83, at having shared this moment, giggling84 and cackling; the house is an egg cracking because they are all hatching together.
But in bed, the house dark and Billy gone home, Skeeter breathing exhausted85 on the sofa downstairs, Rabbit repeats his question to Jill: "Why have you done this to me?"
Jill snuffles, turns over. She is so much lighter86 than he, she irresistibly87 rolls down to his side. Often in the morning he wakes to find himself nearly pushed from the bed by this inequality, her sharp little elbows denting88 his flesh. "He was so pathetic," she explains. "He talks tough but he really has nothing, he really does want to become the black Jesus."
"Is that why you let him screw you this afternoon? Or didn't you?"
"I didn't really."
"He lied?"
Silence. She slides an inch deeper into his side of the bed. "I don't think it counts when you just let somebody do it to you and don't do anything back."
"You don't."
"No, it just happens on the surface, a million miles away."
"And how about with me? Is it the same way, you don't feel anything, it's so far away. So you're really a virgin89, aren't you?"
"Shh. Whisper. No, I do feel things with you."
"What?"
She nudges closer and her arm encircles his thick waist. "I feel you're a funny big teddy bear my Daddy has given me. He used to bring home these extravagant90 Steiff toys from F.A.O. Schwarz's in New York, giraffes six feet high that cost five hundred dollars, you couldn't do anything with them, they'd just stand around taking up space. Mother hated them."
"Thanks a lot." Sluggishly91 he rolls over to face her.
"Other times, when you're over me, I feel you're an angel. Piercing me with a sword. I feel you're about to announce something, the end of the world, and you say nothing, just pierce me. It's beautiful."
"Do you love me?"
"Please, Harry. Since that God thing I went through I just can't focus that way on anybody."
"Is Skeeter out of focus for you too?"
"He's horrible. He really is. He feels all scaly92, he's so bitter."
"Then why in holy hell ??"
She kisses him to stop his voice. "Shh. He'll hear." Sounds travel freely down the stairs, through the house of thin partitions. The rooms are quadrants of one rustling93 heart. "Because I must, Harry. Because whatever men ask of me, I must give, I'm not interested in holding anything for myself. It all melts together anyway, you see."
"I don't see."
"I think you do. Otherwise why did you let him stay? You had him beaten. You were killing94 him."
"Yeah, that was nice. I thought I was out of shape worse than I am."
"Yet now he's here." She flattens95 her body against his; it feels ?transparent96. He can see through her to the blue window beyond, moonlit, giving onto the garage roof, composition shingling97 manufactured with a strange shadow?line, to give an illusion of thickness. She confesses, in such a whisper it may be only a thought he overhears, "He frightens me."
"Me too."
"Half of me wanted you to kick him out. More than half."
"Well," and he smiles unseen, "if he is the next Jesus, we got to keep on His good side." Her body broadens as if smiling. It has grown plain that the betrayals and excitements of the day must resolve into their making love now. He encloses her skull98 in his hands, caressing100 the spinelike ridges101 behind the seashell curve of her ears, palming the broad curve of the whole, this cup, sealed upon a spirit. Knowing her love is coming, he sees very clearly, as we see in the etched hour before snow. He amends102, "Also, Janice has been doing some things out of the way, so I have to do things out of the way."
"To pay her back."
"To keep up with her."
The item was narrow?measure:
Sentenced for
Possession
Eight local men and one woman were given six?month sentences for possession of marijuana Thursday.
The defendants104 appearing before Judge Milton F. Schoffer had been apprehended105 in a police raid on Jimbo's Lounge, Weiser Street, early in the morning of August 29.
The female among them, Miss Beatrice Greene, a well?known local entertainer under her nom de plume106 of "Babe," had her sentence suspended, with one year's probation107, as were four of the men. Two minors108 were remanded to juvenile109 court.
A tenth defendant103, Hubert H. Farnsworth, failed to appear in court and forfieted bail. A warcourt and forfeited110 bail. A warant has been issued for his arrest.
ant has been issued for his arrest.
The proprietor111 of Jimbo's, Mr. Timothy Cartney of Penn
Rabbit's ears can sense now when Pajasek is coming up behind him with a phone call. Something weary and menacing in his step, and then his breath has a sarcastic112 caress99. "Angstrom, maybe we should move your Lino into my office. Or install a phone jack113 out here."
"I'll give her hell, Ed. This is the last time."
"I don't like a man's private life to interfere115 with his work."
"I don't either. I tell you, I'll tell her."
"Do that, Harry. Do that for good old Verity116. We have a team here, we're in a highly competitive game, let's keep up our end, what do you say?"
Behind the frosted walls he says into the phone, "Janice, this is the last time. I won't come to the phone after this."
"I won't be calling you after this, Harry. After this all our communications will be through lawyers."
"How come?"
"How come? How come!"
"How come. Come on. Just give me information. I got to get back to the machine."
"Well, for one reason how come, you've let me sit over here without ever once calling me back, and for another you've taken a darkie into the house along with that hippie, you're incredible, Harry, my mother always said it, `He means no harm, he just has less moral sense than a skunk,' and she was right."
"He's just there a couple days, it's a funny kind of emergency."
"It must be funny. It must be hilarious117. Does your mother ?know? So help me, I have a mind to call and tell her."
"Who told you, anyway? He never goes out of the house."
He hopes by his reasonable tone to bring hers down; she does unwind a notch118. "Peggy Fosnacht. She said Billy came home absolutely bug119?eyed. He said the man was on the living?room floor and the first thing he said was to insult Billy."
"It wasn't meant as an insult, it was meant to be pleasant."
"Well I wish I could be pleasant. I wish it very much. I've seen a lawyer and we're filing a writ23 for immediate120 custody121 of Nelson. The divorce will follow. As the guilty party you can't remarry for two years. Absolutely, Harry. I'm sorry. I thought we were more mature than this, I hated the lawyer, the whole thing is too ugly."
"Yeah, well, the law is. It serves a ruling elite. More power to the people."
"I think you've lost your mind. I honestly do."
"Hey, what did you mean, I let you sit over there? I thought that was what you wanted. Isn't Stavros still doing the sitting with you?"
"You might at least have fought a little," she cries, and gasps122 for breath between sobs123. "You're so weak, you're so wishy?washy," she manages to bring out, but then it becomes pure animal sound, a kind of cooing or wheezing124, as if all the air is running out of her, so he says, "We'll talk later, call me at home," and hangs up to plug the leak.
Park, expressed shock and strong disapproval125 of drag use over the telephone to VAT114 inquiries126.
Cartney was not in the building at the time of the arrests.
Rumors127 have prevailed for some time concerning the sale of this well?known nightspot and gathering128 place to a "black capitalist" syndicate.
During the coffee break Buchanan comes over. Rabbit touches his wallet, wondering if the touch will go up. Escalation129. Foreign aid. Welfare. He'll refuse if it does. If he asks more than twenty, let them riot in the streets. But Buchanan holds out two ten dollar bills, not the same two, but just as good. "Friend Harry," he says, "never let it be said no black man pays his debts. I'm obliged to you a thousand and one times over, them two sawbucks turned the cards right around. Would you believe two natural full houses in a row? I couldn't believe it myself, nobody could, those fools all stayed the second time like there was no tomorrow." He wads the money into Rabbit's hand, which is slow to close.
"Thanks, uh, Lester. I didn't really ?
"Expect to get it back?"
"Not so soon."
"Well, sometimes one man's in need, sometimes another man is. Spread it around, isn't that what the great ones teach us?"
"I guess they do. I haven't talked to many great ones lately."
Buchanan chuckles130 politely and rocks back and forth131 on his heels, estimating, rolling a toothpick in his lips, beneath the mustache no thicker than a toothpick. "I hear tell you're so hard up over at your place you're taking in boarders."
"Oh. That. It's just temporary, it wasn't my idea."
"I believe that."
"Uh ? I'd rather it didn't get around."
"That's just what I'd rather."
Change the subject, somehow. "How's Babe now? Back in business?"
"What kind of business you think she's in?"
"You know, singing. I meant after the bust and court sentence. I just set the news item."
"I know what you meant. I know exactly. Come on down to Jimbo's, any night of the week, get better acquainted. Babe's estimation of you has shot way up, I tell you that. Not that she didn't take a shine in the first place."
"Yeah, O.K., great. Maybe I'll get down sometime. If I can get a babysitter." The idea of ever going into Jimbo's again frightens him, as does the idea of leaving Nelson, Jill, and Skeeter alone in the house. He is sinking into an underworld he used to see only from a bus. Buchanan squeezes his arm.
"We'll set something up," the Negro promises. "Oh, yeass." The hand squeezes tighter, as if pressing fingerprints132 through the screen of Harry's blue workshirt. ` Jer?ome asked me to express an especial gratitude."
Jerome?
The yellow?faced clock ticks, the end?of?break buzzer133 rasps. The last to return to his machine, Farnsworth passes between the brightly lit makeup134 tables, a man so black he twinkles. He bobs his shaved head, wipes the whisky from his lips, and throws Harry a dazzling grin. Brothers in paternity.
He gets off the bus early, on the other side of the bridge, and walks along the river through the old brick neighborhoods burdened with great green highway signs. Peggy Fosnacht's buzzer buzzes back and when he gets off the elevator she is at the door in a shapeless blue bathrobe. "Oh, you," she says. "I thought it would be Billy having lost his key again."
"You alone?"
"Yes, but Harry, he'll be back from school any minute."
"I only need a minute." She leads him in, pulling her bathrobe tighter about her body. He tries to wrap his errand in a little courtesy. "How've you been?"
"I'm managing. How have you been?"
"Managing. Just."
"Would you like a drink?"
"This early in the day?"
"I'm having one."
"No, Peggy, thanks. I can only stay a minute. I got to see what's cooking back at the ranch135."
"Quite a lot, I hear."
"That's what I wanted to say something about."
"Please sit down. I'm getting a crick in my neck." Peggy takes a sparkling glass of beaded fluid from the sill of the window that overlooks Brewer136, a swamp of brick sunk at the foot of its mountain basking137 westward138 in the sun. She sips139, and her eyes slide by on either side of his head. "You're offended by my drinking. I just got out of the bathtub. That's often how I spend my afternoons, after spending the morning with the lawyers or walking the streets looking for a job. Everybody wants younger secretaries. They must wonder why I keep my sunglasses on. I come back and take off all my clothes and get into the tub and ever so slowly put a drink inside me and watch the steam melt the ice cubes."
"It sounds nice. What I wanted to say -"
She is standing by the window with one hip50 pushed out; the belt of her bathrobe is loose and, though she is a shadow against the bright colorless sky, he can feel with his eyes as if with his tongue the hollow between her breasts that would still be dewy from her bath.
She prompts, "What you wanted to say -"
"Was to ask you a favor: could you kind of keep it quiet about the Negro staying with us that Billy saw? Janice called me today and I guess you've already told her, that's O.K. if you could stop it there, I don't want everybody to know. Don't tell Ollie, if you haven't already, I mean. There's a legal angle or I wouldn't bother." He lifts his hands helplessly; it wasn't worth saying, now that he's said it.
Peggy steps toward him, stabbingly, too much liquor or trying to keep the hip out seductively or just the way she sees, two of everything, and tells him, "She must be an awfully140 good lay, to get you to do this for her."
"The girl? No, actually, she and I aren't usually on the same wavelength141."
She brushes back her hair with an approximate flicking142 motion that lifts the bathrobe lapel and exposes one breast; she is drunk. "Try another wavelength."
"Yeah, I'd love to, but right now, the fact is, I'm running too scared to take on anything else, and anyway Billy's about to come home."
"Sometimes he hangs around Burger Bliss143 for hours. Ollie thinks he's getting bad habits."
"Yeah, how is old Ollie? You and he getting together at all?"
She lets her hand down from her hair; the lapel covers her again. "Sometimes he comes by and fucks me, but it doesn't seem to bring us any closer."
"Probably it does, he just doesn't express it. He's too embarrassed at having hurt you."
_ "That's how you would be, but Ollie isn't like that. It would never enter his head to feel guilty. It's the artist in him, you know he really can play almost any instrument he picks up. But he's a cold little bastard144."
"Yeah, I'm kind of cold too." He has stood in alarm, since she has come closer another clumsy step.
Peggy says, "Give me your hands." Her eyes fork upon him, around him. Her face unchanging, she reaches down and lifts his hands from his sides and holds them to her chest. "They're warm." He thinks, Cold heart. She inserts his left hand into her bathrobe and presses it around a breast. He thinks of spilling guts145, of a cow's stomach tumbling out; elastically146 she overflows147 his fingers, her nipple a clot66, a gumdrop stuck to his palm. Her eyes are closed ?veins148 in her lids, crow's feet at the corners ? and she is intoning, "You're not cold, you're warm, you're a warm man, Harry, a good man. You've been hurt and I want you to heal, I want to help you heal, do whatever you want with me." She is talking as if to herself, rapidly, softly, but has brought him so close he hears it all; her breath beats at the base of his throat. Her heartbeat is sticking to his palm. The skin of her brow is vexed149 and the piece of her body her bathrobe discloses is lumpy and strange, blind like the brow of an ox, but eased by liquor she has slid into that state where the body of the other is her own body, the body of secretive self?love that the mirror we fill and the bed we warm alone give us back; and he is enclosed in this body of love of hers and against all thought and wish he thickens all over tenderly and the one?eyed rising beneath his waist begins.
He protests "I'm not good" but is also sliding; he relaxes the hand that is holding her breast to give it air to sway in.
She insists "You're good, you're lovely" and fumbles150 at his fly; with the free hand he pulls aside the lapel of the bathrobe so the other breast is free and the bathrobe belt falls unknotted.
An elevator door sucks shut in the hall. Footsteps swell151 toward their door. They spring apart; Peggy wraps the robe around herself again. He keeps on his retinas the afterimage of a ferny triangle, broader than his palm, beneath a belly whiter than crystal, with silvery stretch?marks. The footsteps pass on by. The would?be lovers sigh with relief, but the spell has been broken. Peggy turns her back, reknots her belt. "You're keeping in touch with Janice," she says.
"Not really."
"How did you know I told her about the black?"
Funny, everybody else has no trouble saying "black." Or hating the war. Rabbit must be defective152. Lobotomy. A pit opens where guilt40 gnaws153, at the edge of his bladder. He must hurry home. "She called me to say a lawyer was starting divorce proceedings154."
"Does that upset you?"
"I guess. Sort of. Sure."
"I suppose I'm dumb, I just never understood why you put up with Janice. She was never enough for you, never. I love Janice, but she is about the most childish, least sensitive woman I've ever known."
"You sound like my mother."
"Is that bad?" She whirls around; her hair floats. He has never seen Peggy so suddenly soft, so womanly frontal. Even her eyes he could take. In play, mocking the pressure of Billy impending155 at his back, he rubs the back of his hand across her nipples. Nibs156 and Dots.
"Maybe you're right. We should try out our wavelengths157."
Peggy flushes, backs off, looks stony158, as if an unexpected mirror has shown her herself too harshly. She pulls the blue terrycloth around her so tight her shoulders huddle159. "If you want to take me out to dinner some night," she says, "I'm around," adding irritably160, "but don't count your chickens."
1 raped | |
v.以暴力夺取,强夺( rape的过去式和过去分词 );强奸 | |
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2 standing | |
n.持续,地位;adj.永久的,不动的,直立的,不流动的 | |
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3 tingling | |
v.有刺痛感( tingle的现在分词 ) | |
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4 exhaling | |
v.呼出,发散出( exhale的现在分词 );吐出(肺中的空气、烟等),呼气 | |
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5 hostility | |
n.敌对,敌意;抵制[pl.]交战,战争 | |
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6 bail | |
v.舀(水),保释;n.保证金,保释,保释人 | |
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7 harry | |
vt.掠夺,蹂躏,使苦恼 | |
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8 mincing | |
adj.矫饰的;v.切碎;切碎 | |
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9 cringing | |
adj.谄媚,奉承 | |
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10 unemployed | |
adj.失业的,没有工作的;未动用的,闲置的 | |
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11 contemplates | |
深思,细想,仔细考虑( contemplate的第三人称单数 ); 注视,凝视; 考虑接受(发生某事的可能性); 深思熟虑,沉思,苦思冥想 | |
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12 attic | |
n.顶楼,屋顶室 | |
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13 outlaw | |
n.歹徒,亡命之徒;vt.宣布…为不合法 | |
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14 amend | |
vt.修改,修订,改进;n.[pl.]赔罪,赔偿 | |
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15 luxuriously | |
adv.奢侈地,豪华地 | |
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16 inhales | |
v.吸入( inhale的第三人称单数 ) | |
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17 exhales | |
v.呼出,发散出( exhale的第三人称单数 );吐出(肺中的空气、烟等),呼气 | |
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18 conning | |
v.诈骗,哄骗( con的现在分词 );指挥操舵( conn的现在分词 ) | |
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19 catfish | |
n.鲶鱼 | |
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20 benighted | |
adj.蒙昧的 | |
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21 cracker | |
n.(无甜味的)薄脆饼干 | |
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22 droops | |
弯曲或下垂,发蔫( droop的名词复数 ) | |
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23 writ | |
n.命令状,书面命令 | |
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24 elite | |
n.精英阶层;实力集团;adj.杰出的,卓越的 | |
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25 flares | |
n.喇叭裤v.(使)闪耀( flare的第三人称单数 );(使)(船舷)外倾;(使)鼻孔张大;(使)(衣裙、酒杯等)呈喇叭形展开 | |
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26 hustle | |
v.推搡;竭力兜售或获取;催促;n.奔忙(碌) | |
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27 bust | |
vt.打破;vi.爆裂;n.半身像;胸部 | |
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28 dealer | |
n.商人,贩子 | |
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29 rugged | |
adj.高低不平的,粗糙的,粗壮的,强健的 | |
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30 goof | |
v.弄糟;闲混;n.呆瓜 | |
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31 sniff | |
vi.嗅…味道;抽鼻涕;对嗤之以鼻,蔑视 | |
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32 belly | |
n.肚子,腹部;(像肚子一样)鼓起的部分,膛 | |
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33 hoop | |
n.(篮球)篮圈,篮 | |
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34 uptight | |
adj.焦虑不安的,紧张的 | |
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35 pickles | |
n.腌菜( pickle的名词复数 );处于困境;遇到麻烦;菜酱 | |
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36 frail | |
adj.身体虚弱的;易损坏的 | |
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37 bowels | |
n.肠,内脏,内部;肠( bowel的名词复数 );内部,最深处 | |
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38 spicy | |
adj.加香料的;辛辣的,有风味的 | |
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39 prick | |
v.刺伤,刺痛,刺孔;n.刺伤,刺痛 | |
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40 guilt | |
n.犯罪;内疚;过失,罪责 | |
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41 scent | |
n.气味,香味,香水,线索,嗅觉;v.嗅,发觉 | |
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42 bent | |
n.爱好,癖好;adj.弯的;决心的,一心的 | |
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43 glazed | |
adj.光滑的,像玻璃的;上过釉的;呆滞无神的v.装玻璃( glaze的过去式);上釉于,上光;(目光)变得呆滞无神 | |
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44 crook | |
v.使弯曲;n.小偷,骗子,贼;弯曲(处) | |
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45 bribed | |
v.贿赂( bribe的过去式和过去分词 );向(某人)行贿,贿赂 | |
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46 creased | |
(使…)起折痕,弄皱( crease的过去式和过去分词 ); (皮肤)皱起,使起皱纹; 皱皱巴巴 | |
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47 tugs | |
n.猛拉( tug的名词复数 );猛拖;拖船v.用力拉,使劲拉,猛扯( tug的第三人称单数 ) | |
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48 scoop | |
n.铲子,舀取,独家新闻;v.汲取,舀取,抢先登出 | |
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49 shovels | |
n.铲子( shovel的名词复数 );锹;推土机、挖土机等的)铲;铲形部份v.铲子( shovel的第三人称单数 );锹;推土机、挖土机等的)铲;铲形部份 | |
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50 hip | |
n.臀部,髋;屋脊 | |
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51 wades | |
(从水、泥等)蹚,走过,跋( wade的第三人称单数 ) | |
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52 slash | |
vi.大幅度削减;vt.猛砍,尖锐抨击,大幅减少;n.猛砍,斜线,长切口,衣衩 | |
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53 scorpion | |
n.蝎子,心黑的人,蝎子鞭 | |
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54 pries | |
v.打听,刺探(他人的私事)( pry的第三人称单数 );撬开 | |
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55 abrasive | |
adj.使表面磨损的;粗糙的;恼人的 | |
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56 pry | |
vi.窥(刺)探,打听;vt.撬动(开,起) | |
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57 knuckles | |
n.(指人)指关节( knuckle的名词复数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝v.(指人)指关节( knuckle的第三人称单数 );(指动物)膝关节,踝 | |
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58 garbled | |
adj.(指信息)混乱的,引起误解的v.对(事实)歪曲,对(文章等)断章取义,窜改( garble的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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59 ebb | |
vi.衰退,减退;n.处于低潮,处于衰退状态 | |
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60 rumpled | |
v.弄皱,使凌乱( rumple的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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61 calves | |
n.(calf的复数)笨拙的男子,腓;腿肚子( calf的名词复数 );牛犊;腓;小腿肚v.生小牛( calve的第三人称单数 );(冰川)崩解;生(小牛等),产(犊);使(冰川)崩解 | |
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62 iridescent | |
adj.彩虹色的,闪色的 | |
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63 sobbing | |
<主方>Ⅰ adj.湿透的 | |
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64 bin | |
n.箱柜;vt.放入箱内;[计算机] DOS文件名:二进制目标文件 | |
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65 syllables | |
n.音节( syllable的名词复数 ) | |
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66 clot | |
n.凝块;v.使凝成块 | |
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67 taunts | |
嘲弄的言语,嘲笑,奚落( taunt的名词复数 ) | |
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68 karate | |
n.空手道(日本的一种徒手武术) | |
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69 sifts | |
v.筛( sift的第三人称单数 );筛滤;细查;详审 | |
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70 residue | |
n.残余,剩余,残渣 | |
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71 nausea | |
n.作呕,恶心;极端的憎恶(或厌恶) | |
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72 haze | |
n.霾,烟雾;懵懂,迷糊;vi.(over)变模糊 | |
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73 awry | |
adj.扭曲的,错的 | |
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74 fidelity | |
n.忠诚,忠实;精确 | |
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75 gratitude | |
adj.感激,感谢 | |
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76 tint | |
n.淡色,浅色;染发剂;vt.着以淡淡的颜色 | |
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77 sneak | |
vt.潜行(隐藏,填石缝);偷偷摸摸做;n.潜行;adj.暗中进行 | |
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78 fugitive | |
adj.逃亡的,易逝的;n.逃犯,逃亡者 | |
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79 vows | |
誓言( vow的名词复数 ); 郑重宣布,许愿 | |
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80 sockets | |
n.套接字,使应用程序能够读写与收发通讯协定(protocol)与资料的程序( Socket的名词复数 );孔( socket的名词复数 );(电器上的)插口;托座;凹穴 | |
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81 adolescence | |
n.青春期,青少年 | |
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82 reassure | |
v.使放心,使消除疑虑 | |
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83 brotherhood | |
n.兄弟般的关系,手中情谊 | |
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84 giggling | |
v.咯咯地笑( giggle的现在分词 ) | |
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85 exhausted | |
adj.极其疲惫的,精疲力尽的 | |
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86 lighter | |
n.打火机,点火器;驳船;v.用驳船运送;light的比较级 | |
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87 irresistibly | |
adv.无法抵抗地,不能自持地;极为诱惑人地 | |
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88 denting | |
v.使产生凹痕( dent的现在分词 );损害;伤害;挫伤(信心、名誉等) | |
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89 virgin | |
n.处女,未婚女子;adj.未经使用的;未经开发的 | |
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90 extravagant | |
adj.奢侈的;过分的;(言行等)放肆的 | |
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91 sluggishly | |
adv.懒惰地;缓慢地 | |
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92 scaly | |
adj.鱼鳞状的;干燥粗糙的 | |
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93 rustling | |
n. 瑟瑟声,沙沙声 adj. 发沙沙声的 | |
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94 killing | |
n.巨额利润;突然赚大钱,发大财 | |
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95 flattens | |
变平,使(某物)变平( flatten的第三人称单数 ); 彻底打败某人,使丢脸; 停止增长(或上升); (把身体或身体部位)紧贴… | |
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96 transparent | |
adj.明显的,无疑的;透明的 | |
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97 shingling | |
压挤熟铁块,叠瓦作用 | |
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98 skull | |
n.头骨;颅骨 | |
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99 caress | |
vt./n.爱抚,抚摸 | |
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100 caressing | |
爱抚的,表现爱情的,亲切的 | |
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101 ridges | |
n.脊( ridge的名词复数 );山脊;脊状突起;大气层的)高压脊 | |
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102 amends | |
n. 赔偿 | |
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103 defendant | |
n.被告;adj.处于被告地位的 | |
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104 defendants | |
被告( defendant的名词复数 ) | |
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105 apprehended | |
逮捕,拘押( apprehend的过去式和过去分词 ); 理解 | |
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106 plume | |
n.羽毛;v.整理羽毛,骚首弄姿,用羽毛装饰 | |
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107 probation | |
n.缓刑(期),(以观后效的)察看;试用(期) | |
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108 minors | |
n.未成年人( minor的名词复数 );副修科目;小公司;[逻辑学]小前提v.[主美国英语]副修,选修,兼修( minor的第三人称单数 ) | |
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109 juvenile | |
n.青少年,少年读物;adj.青少年的,幼稚的 | |
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110 forfeited | |
(因违反协议、犯规、受罚等)丧失,失去( forfeit的过去式和过去分词 ) | |
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111 proprietor | |
n.所有人;业主;经营者 | |
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112 sarcastic | |
adj.讥讽的,讽刺的,嘲弄的 | |
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113 jack | |
n.插座,千斤顶,男人;v.抬起,提醒,扛举;n.(Jake)杰克 | |
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114 vat | |
n.(=value added tax)增值税,大桶 | |
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115 interfere | |
v.(in)干涉,干预;(with)妨碍,打扰 | |
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116 verity | |
n.真实性 | |
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117 hilarious | |
adj.充满笑声的,欢闹的;[反]depressed | |
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118 notch | |
n.(V字形)槽口,缺口,等级 | |
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119 bug | |
n.虫子;故障;窃听器;vt.纠缠;装窃听器 | |
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120 immediate | |
adj.立即的;直接的,最接近的;紧靠的 | |
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121 custody | |
n.监护,照看,羁押,拘留 | |
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122 gasps | |
v.喘气( gasp的第三人称单数 );喘息;倒抽气;很想要 | |
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123 sobs | |
啜泣(声),呜咽(声)( sob的名词复数 ) | |
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124 wheezing | |
v.喘息,发出呼哧呼哧的喘息声( wheeze的现在分词 );哮鸣 | |
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125 disapproval | |
n.反对,不赞成 | |
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126 inquiries | |
n.调查( inquiry的名词复数 );疑问;探究;打听 | |
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127 rumors | |
n.传闻( rumor的名词复数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷v.传闻( rumor的第三人称单数 );[古]名誉;咕哝;[古]喧嚷 | |
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128 gathering | |
n.集会,聚会,聚集 | |
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129 escalation | |
n.扩大,增加 | |
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130 chuckles | |
轻声地笑( chuckle的名词复数 ) | |
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131 forth | |
adv.向前;向外,往外 | |
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132 fingerprints | |
n.指纹( fingerprint的名词复数 )v.指纹( fingerprint的第三人称单数 ) | |
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133 buzzer | |
n.蜂鸣器;汽笛 | |
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134 makeup | |
n.组织;性格;化装品 | |
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135 ranch | |
n.大牧场,大农场 | |
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136 brewer | |
n. 啤酒制造者 | |
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137 basking | |
v.晒太阳,取暖( bask的现在分词 );对…感到乐趣;因他人的功绩而出名;仰仗…的余泽 | |
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138 westward | |
n.西方,西部;adj.西方的,向西的;adv.向西 | |
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139 sips | |
n.小口喝,一小口的量( sip的名词复数 )v.小口喝,呷,抿( sip的第三人称单数 ) | |
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140 awfully | |
adv.可怕地,非常地,极端地 | |
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141 wavelength | |
n.波长 | |
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142 flicking | |
(尤指用手指或手快速地)轻击( flick的现在分词 ); (用…)轻挥; (快速地)按开关; 向…笑了一下(或瞥了一眼等) | |
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143 bliss | |
n.狂喜,福佑,天赐的福 | |
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144 bastard | |
n.坏蛋,混蛋;私生子 | |
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145 guts | |
v.狼吞虎咽,贪婪地吃,飞碟游戏(比赛双方每组5人,相距15码,互相掷接飞碟);毁坏(建筑物等)的内部( gut的第三人称单数 );取出…的内脏n.勇气( gut的名词复数 );内脏;消化道的下段;肠 | |
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146 elastically | |
adv.有弹性地,伸缩自如地 | |
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147 overflows | |
v.溢出,淹没( overflow的第三人称单数 );充满;挤满了人;扩展出界,过度延伸 | |
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148 veins | |
n.纹理;矿脉( vein的名词复数 );静脉;叶脉;纹理 | |
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149 vexed | |
adj.争论不休的;(指问题等)棘手的;争论不休的问题;烦恼的v.使烦恼( vex的过去式和过去分词 );使苦恼;使生气;详细讨论 | |
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150 fumbles | |
摸索,笨拙的处理( fumble的名词复数 ) | |
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151 swell | |
vi.膨胀,肿胀;增长,增强 | |
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152 defective | |
adj.有毛病的,有问题的,有瑕疵的 | |
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153 gnaws | |
咬( gnaw的第三人称单数 ); (长时间) 折磨某人; (使)苦恼; (长时间)危害某事物 | |
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154 proceedings | |
n.进程,过程,议程;诉讼(程序);公报 | |
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155 impending | |
a.imminent, about to come or happen | |
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156 nibs | |
上司,大人物; 钢笔尖,鹅毛管笔笔尖( nib的名词复数 ); 可可豆的碎粒; 小瑕疵 | |
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157 wavelengths | |
n.波长( wavelength的名词复数 );具有相同的/不同的思路;合拍;不合拍 | |
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158 stony | |
adj.石头的,多石头的,冷酷的,无情的 | |
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159 huddle | |
vi.挤作一团;蜷缩;vt.聚集;n.挤在一起的人 | |
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160 irritably | |
ad.易生气地 | |
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